We Can Be Heroes
by YouBlitheringIdiot
Summary: Sirius Black seemed to have broken the Marauders after revealing Remus Lupin's secret to Snape, James Potter was failing miserably in what his friends called Prongs Pursuing Evans, and Lily Evans was realising she may have misjudged certain people. Voldemort and his followers were beginning to show an interest in the Marauders. All was not well...
1. Chapter 1: On The Brink

Chapter 1: On the Brink

Note: All characters are the property of JK Rowling, who is brilliant. I wish she's write a Marauders' Era prequel!

Lily Evans stood leaning against the wall of the alcove, gazing at the peaceful scene below. The grounds of Hogwarts lay shrouded in early morning mist, the faint outline of the highlands in the distance blurred purple and blue, like a faded watercolour print. Not a single soul was outside, the silence broken by the far-off cries of the peregrine which circled the great lake, majestic and alone. Lily sighed quietly, it was the last day of the school year, and soon the place would be crawling with excited students, grabbing a hasty breakfast in the Great Hall, shoving and racing to get all their belongings down to the train station, ready for the long summer holidays.

If she was honest, unlike most people, she dreaded the summer months. Sometimes she felt like she never really belonged anywhere. To purebloods she was their muggle friend talking about incomprehensible exotic contraptions like television, cinema, dishwashers. To her parents she was the exotic witch, talking about the school House system, wands, flying lessons. They all saw her as "other". Only the muggle-born students could fully appreciate what this felt like. She had feared being ostracised for her blood status, that nobody would befriend her, when she first came to Hogwarts. She now realised this anxiety had seeped into her subconsciously, like a toxic osmosis from the way Severus had spoken about her parents being muggles. He had made it sound like an embarrassing contagious condition, something carrying a lot of stigma. He made her feel like she should be grateful to him, that he was doing her a favour and putting his own reputation on the line by agreeing to hang out with her. As inconspicuously as possible, meeting her in a corner of the library, or a quiet classroom or behind the hedge in the field. Never in full view of his housemates.

This anxiety had long since evaporated, alongside her deference and high regard of Severus. She was a popular and happy student now, as well as an extraordinarily gifted witch (according to the end of year school report she clutched in her hand). Her group of friends meant the world to her- Mary Mac Donald, Emmeline Vance and Dorcas Meadows. They loved her fiercely and she smiled absently remembering all the funny moments they had shared this year. She felt much closer to Mary and the girls following their support this year, and she knew so many more people in Gryffindor now. Being friends with Severus had made her feel separate from her house peers, had kept her more isolated (was that chance or was it intentional on his part, she mused). And she loved learning magic, she never tired of it. But there was an added reason she was dreading this summer more than usual. Her face became pensive and a small frown appeared as she recalled the incident near the lake where she had finally come to her senses and realised that her friendship with Severus was truly over. How could she have been so blind to his bigoted, pureblood fanaticism? He had tried to hide the extent of it when he was with her, somehow intimating that as she was such a gifted witch it didn't matter that she was a muggle born (but to hell with everyone else, she thought darkly). It was only when he had spat out the word, _mudblood_ , with such venom and disgust that it had finally hit her.

Her friends were delighted that Severus was no longer Lily's friend, they had never liked him, the thin boy with the supercilious gaze, dark eyes and greasy hair, a loner for most of their early years in Hogwarts. They had rolled their eyes at Lily when she insisted he wasn't all bad, made excuses for his behaviour.

 _"Merlin Lily, he's now hanging around with the Averys, Mulciber, Wilkes… they're practically mini-Death Eaters, you can't possibly still defend him?" Dorcas had snorted derisively._

 _"Yeah I know, it's just… he's not all bad you know, there is a good side to Sev, I've seen it in him. Used to see it. Now… he's been getting more militant. The ideas he supports are… inexcusable," she had finally replied._

 _"Well if there is a good side to him, it's buried so deep down it's practically smothered by now!" Mary had said cheerfully. "I'm so glad you ditched him as a friend, he's a weirdo. Seriously Lily, you're too bloody kind, seeing the good in others where it's clearly absent!"_

 _"Here, here! Let's drink to Lily moving on from her Slytherin Slimeball!" Emmeline had grinned at her._

She wouldn't be meeting up with Severus this summer, that was certain. Her sister Petunia considered her a freak, and Lily was constantly reminded what an embarrassment she was, and not allowed to meet any of Petunia's friends. She planned on spending most of the summer reading in the park, apart from the Evans summer holiday to the west of Ireland by ferry- that was something to look forward to. Petunia was a bit nicer to her in Connemara, Lily reckoned that was because she wasn't afraid of bumping into anyone she knew there. The rugged landscape, the white sandy beaches and the crashing waves, the rock pools and the pony rides on the seashore, eating fish and chips in the local pub in Roundstone, blue-lipped and freezing to death after swimming in the Atlantic, chatting to her mother's relatives, the Conneelys, and to the friendly locals who presumed she was Irish, being a redhead!

Absentmindedly walking away from the window, she found herself standing in front of Dumbledore's study and face to face with a thunderous- looking Professor Mc Gonagall and a group of students who were all clearly in deep trouble. Sirius Black was pacing the floor outside Dumbledore's office in an agitated fashion, ashen faced, an uncharacteristically tense look in his grey eyes, his fists closed. He had a slight bruise on the side of his cheekbone, like someone had punched him in the face, thought Lily.

"Fucking wanker!" Sirius muttered incoherently under his breath at times as he glared at the student sitting in the largest armchair, Severus Snape.

"Mr. Black, not another word, or I will personally transfigure you into a toad and leave you locked in the greenhouse for the entire summer!" said Professor Mc Gonagall fiercely, and Sirius retreated hastily to the opposite side of the room, but continued pacing. Severus Snape for his part looked similarly shaken, his already pallid face positively chalk-like as he sat rigidly upright, but there was something else, (was it triumph?), which crossed his face as he glanced up and caught Lily's eye.

"He won't say anything, professor!" said Peter Pettigrew anxiously from where he was standing against the wall, biting his fingernails in such a frenzy that Lily swore he would draw blood. The look of pure terror on his round face made Lily feel sorry for him, whatever the cause of their misfortune.

"Mr Lupin, you should really be with Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing!" said Professor Mc Gonagall, her voice a mixture of exasperation and concern. Remus Lupin was similarly standing, refusing Mc Gonagall's softly spoken request that he sit down. Lily was sure he desperately needed to lie down- exhausted, sick, like someone on the verge of collapse.

"No thank you," he said quietly through gritted teeth. "I'm seriously considering killing that idiot, force feeding him to an Acromantula, or worse."

He did look positively murderous - to Lily's surprise she saw the object of his anger – one of his best friends, Sirius, who was studiously avoiding all eye-contact with him.

"Did he really just say _seriously_?" asked Sirius turning to James Potter, who shook his head irately and refused to engage with him, muttering "No…"

James Potter, sitting slumped in the other armchair, Lily was sure she had never witnessed him like this in all her years in Hogwarts. He looked …defeated, that was the word, he looked exhausted too. She guessed he had been in a huge fight, there were tears in his shirt and that was definitely blood seeping from his arm and chest. His black hair was even more unmanageable than usual, the left lens of his glasses was cracked. His eyes when they met hers regarded her with traces of regret, mingled with bitterness. She stared at his hazel eyes, shocked, and she was surprised at how sorry she felt for him all at once. Merlin, she didn't even like the bloke! He was forever annoying her, on purpose. He seemed to enjoy riling her up, always so cheerful and (over)confident, or downright arrogant and pretending he wanted to go out with her. Annoying. And yet, for some reason she couldn't bear to see him looking like this, so wretched, so different. She always had a soft spot for the underdog. The underdog and Potter were practically polar opposites, in her mind.

This was all very confusing, and she didn't like this new feeling that was creeping over her, it wasn't her usual _Potter-is-an- arrogant-git_ feeling. She didn't like this _I'm-confused-about-how-I-feel-about-Potter_ lark. She must have been staring at him for too long, as she saw him raise his eyebrows slightly and give a faint half-smile. She smiled back awkwardly, aware she was trespassing, that she wasn't meant to see any of this.

James for his part stared back at Lily and sighed. He couldn't believe what had happened in the past 12 hours, couldn't believe that they were on the verge of being expelled from Hogwarts, that Remus' secret had been betrayed. Remus would never forgive Sirius, he thought, and that bastard Snape now knew and was bound to tell the whole world. There was no way Sirius would be able to cope with being expelled, he knew it would kill him. Sirius' parents would probably be besides themselves with glee at his misfortune. And there was no way in hell he was letting that happen, despite Sirius' bloody stupidity which had caused this mess in the first place. It wasn't only Sirius' fault, thought James, shooting Snape a filthy look. No, he was not going to let Dumbledore expel Sirius and he knew what he had to do. His jaw tightened and his face took on a more determined look as he made his decision.

The door to the Headmaster's office swung open. He regarded the students in front of him wordlessly and more than anything he could have said, they all felt ashamed under his gaze. "James Potter, come in," said Dumbledore, he looked unruffled but serious, and his blue eyes had a somewhat steely quality. _Fucking hell, thought James, best get this over and done with._ There were numerous things that made leaving Hogwarts especially and impossibly difficult: never playing quidditch with his Gryffindor teammates again, breaking up the Marauders, disappointing Professor Mc Gonagall, and the thought of not seeing Lily Evans. He couldn't bear to think of that, not now. But he was unable to stop his eyes from turning to gaze at her one last time.

"Goodbye, Evans," he said simply, quietly, and held out his hand in an oddly formal gesture. Lily took it in hers and looked back at him, surprised and confused. His gaze was so intense, James knew it must look odd, but he was trying to burn her image into his mind, in case he didn't see her again. Her hair was such a dark, fiery shade of auburn, cascading in waves down her back, he thought he had never seen anyone with such strong-looking hair. _Sometimes he marvelled at his strange thoughts, like surely if you used Lily's hair as the core in your wand, it would be the most powerful wand in the wizarding world?_ Her eyes were impossible to forget- they had an unusual limpid quality, like looking at clear tropical seas, or light shining through emerald glass. They were so green and so alive, he felt he could lose himself in them. Her hand, it was perfect, he thought, her slim wrists made him feel breathless (because he was a sad, pathetic idiot), the way she carried herself, her confident, graceful walk. Her cheerful vitality (apart from when she was berating the hell out of him for being a berk!). Her incredible intellect. Everything about Lily was just right. Apart from the fact that she didn't like him. Yeah, and she didn't fancy him either.

And she didn't really like him, but that didn't mean she had to be mean to him now, Lily thought. All she knew was that he seemed to like being the centre of attention, a bit of a bully at times, flirting with girls. And popular too. Fine, he was good looking, but good-looking guys who knew they were good looking were just not attractive, and especially not bullies, in her opinion! For some reason, he had asked her out three times this year. She reckoned it was probably because she was the only girl he'd ever liked who turned him down, the arrogant git. She had been cross with him when he had bullied Severus the time of the _mudblood_ incident, but she had been cross with Severus too. Cross and hurt and humiliated and betrayed by Severus. She had cried enough about it, damn it, she wasn't going to think of that now.

"Goodbye, Potter, hope everything works out," she answered, squeezing his hand.

"Thanks," said James.

 _Was it pathetic that holding her hand gave him a rush of warmth which made him feel more courageous about what he had to do, thought James. Yes, it was bloody pathetic, he thought, but he didn't care, he never cared, despite all the merciless teasing from his annoying mates._ He nodded, and followed Dumbledore into the Principal's office.


	2. Chapter 2: Dumbledore Decides

Chapter 2: Dumbledore Decides

James ran his left hand through his unruly hair for the umpteenth time and looked at Dumbledore expectantly. They had been sitting in silence in his office for a few minutes, which felt like hours. Dumbledore had poured them both a strong cup of tea, and had barely lifted the pink and blue teacup when James started to speak.

"Sir, it was all my fault," he said firmly. "I don't know what came over me. I told Snape to go to the Shrieking Shack, how to get past the Whomping Willow. I was angry with him, we've never gotten on, you can ask anyone… ask Evans. I wasn't thinking straight. I wanted him to get a fright. I realised it was a shit decision, Professor, when I calmed down a bit. Horrendously stupid. I ran after him as fast as I could then, and managed to pull him away before he got hurt. But he saw Remus. He knows that Remus is a werewolf now. Everyone is going to find out. It's a bloody disaster," he finished quietly, slumping back in his chair. He desperately wanted Dumbledore to be able to fix things for his friend, but he didn't believe this mess was redeemable.

Dumbledore continued to look at him, sipping his tea, not speaking. It was getting on James' nerves, worse than if he had been shouting at him. He hoped to Merlin that his headmaster believed his story.

"I take full responsibility for my actions, Sir, I know that you're going to have to expel me. There is no excuse for what happened. I'm sorry to have to put my parents through this. And Professor Mc Gonagall, I just really wanted to tell her how sorry I am and ….". His voice trailed off. "If you could just… you know, tell her…". He cleared his throat hurriedly and looked intently at the corner of the room.

"I haven't said anything yet, James," said Dumbledore quietly. "I noticed just there that you didn't express any remorse about your friend Remus?"

 _Shit, thought James, what was wrong with him?_

"Of course, Sir, I feel awful about Remus, I can't even begin..."

Dumbledore sighed heavily and peered at James from above his half-moon spectacles, his elbows on his desk and his hands clasped.

"Contrary to popular belief, James, I do happen to have a fairly decent grasp of most things that happen around here, all year round… invisibility cloaks notwithstanding," his periwinkle blue eyes twinkled momentarily. "I already know what happened last night."

He stared at James.

"Fuck!" said James after a short pause, staring back at him.

"Indeed," replied Dumbledore.

They regarded each other wordlessly for a moment.

"But Sir, he can't get expelled, I mean, he's a stupid bastard and I'm mad at him, but it will kill him! He'll never… I can deal with it, my parents are rich, I'll manage… they'll be heartbroken but they'll never give up on me, they love me too much" he said, blushing slightly and running his fingers through his hair again. "But Hogwarts is all Sirius has, Sir, if he gets expelled… it will ruin his life."

"If Sirius doesn't learn to control his temper, it _will_ ruin his life," said Dumbledore shortly "Dare I say, it will also probably kill him."

He was right, thought James.

"Fuck," he said, quietly this time.

"James, I will deal with Sirius and with Severus, they both have to take responsibility for what happened. Sirius already has. He insisted on waking me up last night and confessing. Seemed to be under the impression that if he didn't, you would try to take the blame for him…"

James's mouth gaped, too stunned to answer.

"You inspire a great deal of loyalty in your friends, James. And in your teammates. I am told by Minerva that you are the best Quidditch captain that Hogwarts has seen in the past 50 years. You are also exceptionally brave, if a bit foolish at times. Severus owes you his life. I was hoping to be able to offer you the position of Head Boy by 7th Year. However, some of your behaviours to date leave a lot to be desired, and are very disappointing. I'm talking about your and Sirius' propensity to humiliate certain students. While the students involved are not angelic, humiliating them is by far the worst way to deal with them, and the best way to drive them into the arms of the would-be Death Eaters."

James' emotions were a rollercoaster. He had felt his chest swell at the start of Dumbledore's speech but by the end of it, all he could feel was a wave of shame and guilt washing over him. And he couldn't argue with any of it. Deep down he admitted to himself for the first time ever that part of the reason he hated Snape so much was because Lily had liked him, had been his best friend. It had driven him mad for years, that she had liked spending time with that total arse, that she had enjoyed being his Potions partner. Yet James couldn't so much as start a conversation (fine, say something smart or try to ask her out on a date) and as likely as not she'd start rolling her eyes and dismiss him with a "Potter, I know you find this hard to believe, but there are two chances of me saying yes to a date with you: slim and none". He had especially hated the sneer on Snape's face at these times, he so obviously relished James' disappointment. Yes, they had picked on Slytherins like Snape who they had caught bullying students from other Houses, but in reality, how did bullying the bullies make him any better?

He knew immediately that there was no way he was ever going to be Head Boy, and he didn't mind that, it was a ridiculous idea, other students would do a hell of a better job than him. But he also knew that he was never again going to bully one single student.

"You're right, Sir. It won't happen again."

"I believe you James," said Dumbledore, sitting back on his chair and regarding him studiously. "We will need people like you to stand up for what is right in the years ahead. To lead your peers, to do what is right despite the cost. I will be counting on you."

James stared at Dumbledore and nodded, feeling confused. What a school boy like him was supposed to be able to do in the face of Death Eaters was unclear to him. But if Dumbledore had a plan for him, he would trust him implicitly.

"Sir, about Sirius…"

"Yes, send him in James," said Dumbledore, and James knew he had been dismissed.

….

Sirius found himself sitting down in front of Dumbledore for the second time in less than twenty-four hours, a record even for him. He hated waiting, he didn't know how much longer he could have stayed outside without punching Snape or getting punched by Remus. He was convinced that James had punched him earlier on not just because he was mad at him, but because he knew that Remus would beat him into a pulp unless someone got there faster. He was more than a bit relieved, he had never seen Remus as angry in his entire life but he guessed that none of the Marauders were a match for him if he truly lost it, especially around the time of transformations.

He hated waiting. So as soon as Dumbledore sat down, he spoke.

"So, Professor," he said briskly "Is that it? Am I out?"

He wasn't going to beg Dumbledore to allow him to stay. He didn't do begging. He wasn't even thinking as far ahead as what he would do later when the train pulled into King's Cross Station. He was never one to think too far ahead or plan things carefully. That is, he mused, plan things at all. He hated himself at that moment. He deserved to be expelled. He stood up to leave, determined to keep the cool, unflappable veneer in place in front of his teachers and fellow pupils.

"Do sit down, Mr. Black!" said Dumbledore, sighing. "Unless you have developed a recent aptitude for legilimency, I doubt you have the slightest idea what I am thinking, and what I have decided."

Sirius hated being called Black. He scowled and sat back down, flicking his silky curtain of black hair, and placing his right foot on his left knee, attempting to look as nonchalant as possible given the circumstances.

"Am I getting a massive lecture about what a disappointment I am to you, prior to being expelled? Because I'd rather skip that bit, if you don't mind, Sir."

Dumbledore gazed at him keenly. He poured Sirius a black espresso and handed it to him, along with a plate piled high with Eton Mess, which he had directed towards them with an elegant flick of his wand from his muggle Tea Trolley. Sirius stared at Dumbledore in surprise.

"How did you…?" He trailed off.

"Oh I make it my business to find out all important details about my students, including their favourite drinks and treats." Replied Dumbledore serenely. "James loves tea and sticky toffee pudding, Remus is obsessed with coffee and loves chocolate brownies, Peter loves hot chocolate and all desserts but especially bread & butter pudding …".

Sirius sat wordlessly regarding his Principal with unconcealed shock, then slowly started eating his favourite dessert.

"Veby mice," he said mid-mouthful, and a small smile escaped him.

"Yes, my mother's secret recipe," replied Dumbledore gravely. "The house elves love being the only ones in possession of these secrets, although I do believe they have on rare occasion confided them to their favourite students…ones who they get to know extraordinarily well… from random midnight trips to the kitchens…"

Sirius could have sworn he saw Dumbledore wink at him. Bloody hell, thought Sirius, this chap really did seem to know everything about them, it was frankly disconcerting.

"To get back to the issue at hand," Continued Dumbledore, having kindly waited until Sirius finished his food before recommencing the conversation. "You took an extremely ill-judged, impulsive and dangerous decision last night. We both know that Snape could have died, or been bitten, and Remus would never have been able to forgive himself. You need to learn how to regulate your emotions, Sirius. It is not an easy thing to learn. We cannot change our temperament easily, and we learn how to calm ourselves, like most things, from our parents. For somebody born with a fiery character and parents such as yours, it is particularly difficult."

Sirius could see the compassion in Dumbledore's eyes as he said these last words. He flinched. His father appeared emotionless most of the time, a frightening and aloof figure, ignoring him apart from when he completely lost his temper, which was always directed at him. He truly believed his father might murder him some day, in a fit of rage. His mother was even harder to cope with, constantly overflowing with anger, screaming at Sirius and Regulus for the slightest perceived slight, crying about how Sirius was driving her to an early grave, telling him he was a bad, useless, worthless individual and a terrible disappointment. He had learnt early on not to tell his parents if he was afraid, or hurt. Owning up to any of these things was regarded by them as weak, they would deride him saying "There's nothing to be scared of, stupid pathetic boy, Blacks aren't afraid of the dark, it's risible, grow a backbone Sirius!"

He recalled calling his mother, after a particularly scary nightmare when he was about 4 years old, and being even more terrified when she appeared at the end of his bed, screaming at him for waking her. When she turned to leave he had simultaneously lunged out to grab her dressing gown and moved backwards, causing him to topple out of bed onto the hard floor. In that split second, it had dawned on him that the witch of his nightmare was none other than his mother. How could you seek comfort from the very person who haunted your dreams?

He didn't speak, and his throat constricted, tears threatening to leak out. He turned sideways and hurriedly brushed his hands over his eyes, avoiding eye contact with Dumbledore.

"I am not going to expel you, Sirius. Not this time," said Dumbledore quietly, getting up from his chair and turning to run his fingers along the spines of the centuries-old books and scrolls, affording Sirius a moment of privacy. "Severus will not expose Remus' secret, I'll see to that. However, I will expect you to serve detention every Friday evening from 7-8pm with Professor Mc Gonagall, when you return in September, for all of 6th Year. You need to learn how to conquer your anger. Any future similar behaviour will result in immediate expulsion."

Sirius didn't reply at first. But he felt an overwhelming need to tell Dumbledore what had happened yesterday evening with Snape. Somehow now that he wasn't looking at him, he could speak more freely.

"Yesterday, I was on my way back to the Gryffindor common room. I ran into Snape and my brother Reg," he began, haltingly. "Snape started teasing me about my family. Specific incidents …when my father and mother had … you know…"

His voice trailed off, and he looked at Dumbledore imploringly, unable to articulate what he was referring to. Dumbledore nodded and Sirius knew that he understood, the dark spells he had been subjected to as punishment for his misbehaviour.

"Snape started taunting me about crying, begging them to stop... when I was young, not anymore," he added hurriedly, in case Dumbledore consider him a coward. "I snapped… the worst part was looking at Reg, knowing he had been the one to tell Snape… I thought…"

It sounded stupid to say he had thought there was a part of Reg that still cared for him, that he did care for Reg, a lot, even though they hadn't spoken in months. That he desperately wanted to save Reg from the life his parents wanted for them. He had taken out all his rage and underlying heartbreak on Snape.

"It is not stupid to think so," replied Dumbledore softly, as though he could read Sirius' mind. "I think Regulus does love you. But he is torn, torn between what he could become and what he feels he must be. It is not easy being Regulus either. In fact, it must be a very frightening place to find oneself in, at such a young age, with no real friends to turn to."

Dumbledore looked up then and Sirius met his eyes. Friends. He was so lucky. He had the most wonderful group of friends he could ever have wished for. He knew James would forgive him, that Peter probably had already, and maybe there was a chance that someday Remus would too. He would have been utterly lost without his friends, and without Mr. & Mrs. Potter, who were always so kind whenever he visited. He knew instinctively he would give his life to save any of them. He smiled at Dumbledore, who smiled back and moved over to him, placing a warm hand lightly on his shoulders.

"Don't forget your friends during the summer, if you run into any difficulties," Dumbledore added. "If needs be, Hogwarts will be here for you too."

Sirius gave a wry smile. Of all the students, he doubted there were many others who detested going home for the summer holidays quite as much as he did. He planned on causing as much trouble as possible this summer, he could stick up for himself now. He had bought a ton of muggle posters to hang up in his room, as well as some ludicrous bell-bottoms and flowery shirts with over-sized collars and tight sleeves, a deep maroon velvet jacket with a golden trim… he grinned imagining Kreacher's face when he saw him walk languidly down the stairs of Grimmauld Place in this muggle attire. His mother would freak. Oh yes, he wasn't going to make it easy for any of them either.

….

Peter sat nervously, playing with his hands, his head jerking with staccato movements across the room, his small blue eyes taking in all the details. He liked Dumbledore, but he also liked being a Marauder, so this was not the first time he had found himself sitting in this office and Merlin, was he glad that this time he had done nothing wrong! In fact, he wondered why Dumbledore wanted to see him at all.

"Peter," began Dumbledore eventually. "What happened today could have gone so badly wrong. Was it your idea to come and fetch Minerva when you found out where Severus had gone?"

"Oh no!" answered Peter quickly. "That was James, he shouted at me to run and tell Mc Gon- I mean Professor Mc Gonagall- immediately, just before he ran after Sna- Severus, Sir."

"I see," replied Dumbledore. Peter couldn't help noting he seemed somewhat disappointed by this piece of information. "Forgive me for asking this Peter, but would you by any chance have dared to seek help for Severus and Remus if your friends hadn't approved? Would you have had it in you to do the right thing anyway and risk their ire?"

Peter sat silently, he knew well that he would probably never have dared to. The thought of going against his friends' wishes scared him too much. What if he wasn't accepted back as a member of the Marauders anymore? How would he survive Hogwarts on his own? Could he bear to be considered a traitor? He didn't think he had the strength to do so.

"You know Minerva and I often say that it takes a lot of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends," Dumbledore mused, regarding Peter seriously. "Your friends think very highly of you, Peter, they would have respected your reasoning and apologised at the end of the day. I think you should consider what I have just said to you. You tend to belittle your worth, to think less highly of yourself, compare yourself less favourably to them. Comparing yourself to others is a sure way of making yourself unhappy. If you believe all the random negative thoughts you have about yourself, that cannot be good for you. Would you allow a friend of yours to think these things about themselves?"

Peter looked confused.

"No, I mean that would be… I'd tell him not to be an idiot, point at all the good stuff about them, I suppose."

How did Dumbledore guess that he felt inferior to his friends most of the time? Maybe Dumbledore thought that too? Peter began feeling anxious and downbeat at that thought.

"It seems to me Peter that you could do with a bit of help in this matter," said Dumbledore gravely. "It wasn't so long ago that I recall believing such nonsense about myself too… thinking I was too ugly to ever go out with the boy I was madly in love with, agreeing with many of his ideas because I was afraid he would stop being my friend otherwise… "

Dumbledore stared past Peter, engrossed in some private memory.

Peter looked on, fascinated. Surely the great Dumbledore, regarded as an institution in the wizarding world and as the greatest wizard of his age- surely he hadn't suffered from an inferiority complex like Peter?

He coughed loudly, hoping to rouse Dumbledore from his daydream.

"Where was I? Oh yes… you see I was awkward looking, gangly, had unremarkable ginger hair and a brown beard, not remotely attractive at all!" Dumbledore chuckled. "The chap I liked was very good-looking, charismatic, popular. I thought I hadn't a chance in hell. In fact, there is nothing quite as attractive as self-confidence, as believing you are beautiful, inside and outside."

Peter blushed furiously. Oh. My. Merlin. Was Dumbledore talking to him about how to make himself attractive? Even worse, did Dumbledore think he was gay too? He had nothing against gays, or lesbians. Well, he kind of did, it was a bit weird, and his pureblood father thought it was wrong. Many pureblood families were quite openly anti- gay and lesbian, and all that sort of thing. In a dwindling population of purebloods, they couldn't afford to have progeny who refused to do the right thing and marry other purebloods to continue the family line. It was considered a disgrace, an affront to your family's reputation and good name. Not that he was into pureblood nonsense, not really… although, he did love the fact that both James and Sirius came from prominent and rich pureblood families. He couldn't help being drawn to that, deep down he supposed he must be some sort of a snob. He doubted his friends realised this. His mother was muggle-born and it had always made him feel a bit inferior. Remus was a halfblood too, and he didn't care that Remus was a werewolf, Peter wouldn't hear anything bad said about Remus. Remus had after all introduced him to the others, had been the first person to be kind to him when he started in Hogwarts. He really hoped that Dumbledore could convince Snape to keep his mouth shut.

"So, Peter, I've decided that I will meet you on a fortnightly basis when you return to school in September."

Peter had been so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn't heard the end of Dumbledore's speech. What in Godric's gonads was he talking about, he thought, is he going to offer me some sort of self- esteem lessons? Merlin, if that ever got out! He blushed furiously.

"It's no trouble at all, Peter," said Dumbledore kindly, mistaking Peter's reaction. "Of course I have time for one of my favourite pupils!"

He couldn't in fact afford the time at all, he had no idea what he would have to juggle around to allow him to support Peter, but he shrewdly guessed that Peter's ego would be boosted considerably at the idea that Dumbledore was taking a personal interest in him. There was also something about this small, rotund boy – something that made Dumbledore feel he would play in important role in the years ahead, for good or for evil. Dumbledore could sense this – a vague intuition at times into his students' futures, nothing as clear as a seer, but he had sensed it in James, for example. And in Severus.

…..

Severus prided himself on his ability to look neutral when his emotions were a maelstrom. It irritated the life out of him to have to wait until practically last to be seen by the Headmaster. After all, _he_ had done nothing wrong, _he_ had been practically killed by a maniacal werewolf, _he_ had the right to everybody's sympathy, _he shouldn't be feeling an ounce of guilt._ And yet, the way that Dumbledore was looking at him was making him feel distinctly uncomfortable. His neck felt prickly, his face itchy. His lank, dark hair hung partly over his face, a curtain of security against the world. His hand involuntarily reached up to scratch the back of his collar, and he brought it back quickly under control.

"Severus," began Dumbledore. "Is there anything you wish to tell me about your plans for this summer?"

Severus stared at him, fighting to stop the look of surprise and contempt which threatened to spill over onto his face. Had he really kept him waiting to engage in random small talk? He despised small talk.

"Eh… not as such… I expect it to be as boring as usual… Sir," he said dryly.

"You see, Severus, that is not the information that I have been given. I fear your plans may include something quite a bit darker and a lot more… dangerous."

Dumbledore's voice had definitely assumed a hard edge and his piecing blue eyes were boring into his own. Severus could feel his heart racing and thumping furiously in his chest. His hand rubbed his left arm briefly, and he cursed himself for allowing that, he may as well have admitted to it loudly, it was a complete giveaway.

"You seem to know more about my plans than I do, Sir," replied Severus stiffly, fighting to stop any hint of tremor from reaching his voice.

Dumbledore looked momentarily irritated, but he sighed briefly and continued.

"You know exactly what I mean Severus, you have been recruited by Tom Riddle- now calling himself by the ridiculous name of Voldemort- to join his Death Eaters. You and at least three of your classmates that I know of. There are probably more. You have yet to meet Voldemort himself, but you have met with Lucius Malfoy, on three occasions thus far. Lucius is often the face that Voldemort likes to show potential recruits- he presents as young, elegant, aristocratic and reasonable. When you finally meet Voldemort in August, it will be to receive the dark mark and formally be gathered into the fold. If joining a group of homicidal, evil and dangerous men and women whose stated aim is to murder many of your own classmates is your idea of a boring summer, I beg to differ."

Severus was well and truly agitated now. His tongue felt thick and heavy, his mouth dry as a bone. He couldn't speak. He watched in alarm as a tray with cold water and Bakewell tarts floated next to him. He sipped the cold water eagerly, it was as if Dumbledore had read his mind, which he definitely hadn't, because Severus had been learning legilimency in secret for a while now. Severus couldn't help his growing anxiety as he wordlessly ate his favourite dessert. Joining the Death Eaters was against the law, for the moment at any rate, and Dumbledore obviously had a spy somewhere. He could easily be expelled. His thoughts raced furiously trying to think of ways to save himself. After all, he hadn't joined yet.

"I will make you a deal, Severus, and I suggest you accept the offer while you can," said Dumbledore. "You promise never to reveal Remus' secret, and I promise not to expel you. From next year onwards you start with a clean slate. If I hear that you have engaged in any illegal behaviour from then on, the same penalties as would apply to others come into effect."

Severus clenched his jaw. It was utterly unfair that Potter and his disgusting friends were going to get away with this, proof that the Headmaster was biased towards his own House, he felt like telling Dumbledore to sod off and hightailing it to the Daily Prophet to give them a scoop _\- Senile Dumbledore recklessly endangers students by hiding savage werewolf at Hogwarts_ -how he would have loved to expose them all. But he was also a realist, and highly ambitious, and it would do his long-term prospects no good at all if he were to turn down this offer. More likely than not, Dumbledore would expel all the four Death Eater recruits. Come to think of it, they could all be arrested immediately, and somehow it would look like he was to blame for Voldemort losing four good men. He shivered at the thought of ending up in Voldemort's black list. No, it was infinitely preferable to avoid that at all costs. Deep down, Severus knew that Dumbledore was giving him a second chance, a life-line.

"I accept your offer, Sir," said Severus, his face inscrutable.

"A wise decision, Severus. I suggest you use your wisdom to consider whether joining this organisation is what you really want to do with your life. Or is it something that you will deeply regret in time? Once you join them, there is no turning back, you cannot hand in your notice. Is it something you would be proud to tell your parents, your girlfriend, your wife, your children?" Dumbledore smiled sadly.

Severus did not like thinking about this, because he didn't like the answers he found himself giving. What _did_ he want to do with his life? He wanted to become a famous Potions expert, find a remedy to some deadly condition, and win acclaim and honour. He wanted to marry Lily Evans, and be happy, maybe have children (ugh, maybe not, he hated children). Somehow in his mind, he would still be able to have Lily and remain friends with people like the Avery brothers, Lestrange… It made him feel important to be accepted by them, to be considered worthy of joining Voldemort's group. He wasn't interested in physical cruelty, but he quite enjoyed belittling others. He had been subjected to humiliation himself and he despised that feeling, more than any other feeling in the world. He would take sadness, grief, anger, loneliness- any time. Humiliating others made him feel better about himself. He truly believed that wizards were better than muggles and deserved to be in charge, deserved to take over the world.

He desperately wanted to have Lily, for her to love him (and look up to him, as she had done in first year). She was the only girl who had ever been a real friend to him, who had opened up to him. He was awful at intimacy, but she had made up for his deficits, she made him feel whole. He loved her bright green eyes, her soft laughter, the fact that she was intelligent. He was intelligent, he couldn't help feeling superior to those who weren't as clever as he was, it irritated him having to explain himself to others, he had no patience with dunces. He desperately hated the fact that Lily was a mudblood. If he could, he would have made her concoct a story about her origins - that her pureblood parents had been killed while hunting for ancient artefacts in Egypt, she had been rescued by a muggle archaeologist who had adopted her, she had only discovered her origins when she received her Hogwarts letter. He had worked it all out, basing it on a childless couple who had died in these exact circumstances, from a now defunct old pureblood family, so nobody would be able to verify the story. He had tried to suggest this in a roundabout fashion to an 11-year-old Lily, prior to the start of first year. She had raised her arched brows and told him he better be joking or she was never speaking to him again, had told him in no uncertain words "You either accept me for who I am, or you can forget this friendship, Severus Snape!"

He wanted Lily, he wanted to succeed in life, he wanted wizards to rule the world and if that meant joining the Death Eaters, the end justified the means.

"I am aware of what joining such an organisation means, Sir," he replied, keeping his language as vague as possible.

"I hope you are, Severus, I really hope so," Dumbledore replied sadly. He remained silent for a while, before resuming. "I once thought perhaps wizards should be allowed to take over the world, that we were wiser than muggles and they would be better off in the long-term under our rule. Not for long, but I did feel that it would be for the greater good. I quickly learned that this is how all dark powers start out, whether in muggle or in magical communities. You may recall that is what Grindelwald thought too, during our last wizarding war."

 _Grindelwald was utterly correct, thought Severus with contempt, and Dumbledore a fool not to think so too_ , _a weak fool, who took pity on fools._

"Yes, things didn't work out as he planned," he replied instead.

"Lucky for you that James Potter took pity on you despite your long running antipathy towards each other," mused Dumbledore, as he stood up and began tidying the cups and saucers onto the tea trolley.

"Pity had nothing to do with it!" snarled Severus, gripping the side of Dumbledore's desk with his long nails "That low-life was just trying to save that werewolf … creature… from committing murder and his delinquent friend Black from getting expelled, they should all have been expelled! It is utterly unfair that you haven't punished them!"

"Nevertheless, you owe him your life, Severus, much though that may grieve you," retorted Dumbledore, eyeing Severus with a look of pity which only served to enrage him further.

"I owe him nothing!" hissed Severus, standing up and still gripping the desk for containment, his thin shoulders hunched forwards "He owes _me_ now that I hold his friend's future-"

Dumbledore turned to face him, the power and the anger flashing in his eyes caused Severus to inhale sharply and move backwards, hand reaching for his wand.

"Be warned, Mr. Snape, that I hold a similar power over you and that if I ever hear the _slightest whisper_ of you trying to use this knowledge to blackmail any of the students here, I cannot say that things would work out well for you."

Severus did not have to try very hard to read Dumbledore's mind and he didn't like what he saw, at all.

"I understand," said Severus, his voice shaking slightly, hand still on his wand.

"Good," said Dumbledore "see that you remember that!"

….

Remus Lupin guessed why Dumbledore had left him till last. All his rage towards Sirius and Snape, especially Sirius, had dulled now, it felt like he had a deep pulsating sore rather than a searing fire in his chest. And now that the adrenaline had worn off, the reality of his circumstances hit him hard. Dumbledore telling him that Snape would keep his secret, that he wasn't being expelled, that all was very well- the Headmaster's voice continued to drone in the background, but he wasn't hearing a word. One minute he was looking at Dumbledore and before he knew it, he was crying silently, his hand holding up his bowed head. He couldn't stop, try as he might. He wasn't crying for his lost childhood, he wasn't crying at the memory of that fateful night when he had become a monster, he wasn't crying for ruining his parents' life. He had done that in the past, he thought himself self-indulgent when he cried like that.

He had already cried about how he would never be able to share his life with anyone. No matter how clever and well-liked he was, he would never get a good job. Today he was mostly crying about what a danger he posed to others, what a horrid creature he was. James and Snape, if anything had happened to them he would not have been able to live with himself. He would have preferred to be dead. He would prefer to be in St Mungo's with amnesia for the rest of his life. He cried for the life he had built up in Hogwarts, his friends. He was crying for the end of that. He cried for Sirius and his hateful parents who had turned him into this mess, this live wire. Remus hated losing control, he hated crying, he hated anyone to ever see him cry. He felt weak and useless and a failure.

Dumbledore was calling someone. Remus wasn't listening, but he was vaguely aware of a faint flapping sound, a gentle breeze. Suddenly a soft warmth enveloped him, as Fawkes' hot golden tail feathers settled on him and the phoenix landed gently on his lap. Remus still felt himself crying, as the crimson bird began to sing, a few faint notes, his red feathers shimmering in the light. Fawkes shed a single tear of his own and Remus felt a deep sense of relief. And courage. He was still crying, but the tears that fell had a healing power, the phoenix song slowly ebbing the sense of hopelessness, loss and grief were being washed away, replaced by sadness. He could handle sadness. Sadness was an old friend. He eventually looked up, slowly, feeling intensely self-conscious, the weight of the phoenix steadying his nerve, the deep pressure reducing his anxiety. Red eyes and a pale face, three faded old scars making their way down the right side of his face.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

Dumbledore reached into the drawer in front of him and wordlessly handed him a large bar of dark chocolate. Remus smiled briefly, a warm, kind smile. He broke the chocolate in half. They sat silently for what felt like minutes, hours, both savouring the bittersweet taste.

"I'm sorry too," said Dumbledore eventually.

There was nothing more to say, thought Remus. He stroked Fawkes one last time, and the bird seemed to understand, nuzzled its beak close to his chest before flying with surprising grace towards Dumbledore, settling beside the old man. Remus stood up slowly, his joints aching wretchedly, as always, after the full moon.

"Thank you," said Remus.

Dumbledore looked at him intently. He seemed to hesitate before speaking.

"Remus, I once had a student here very like you. A werewolf, a very kind and incredibly courageous boy. Probably the bravest person I have ever met. He made some good friends here, just like you, friends who accepted him for who he was. He went on to excel in his exams and after some years I offered him a job, he came back to Hogwarts to teach. He was one of the most popular teachers we have ever had here."

Remus did not reply at first, but Dumbledore could see the mixture of hope and tentativeness in his face.

"Did everything work out ok for him?" he eventually asked the Headmaster.

Dumbledore studied Remus carefully. Considering Remus was still in school, hadn't passed his NEWTs yet and had yet to receive a job offer from him, he couldn't very well answer this. But looking at his unassuming student Dumbledore couldn't help the rush of affection that filled him and he smiled warmly and nodded.

"Oh yes, very well indeed, Remus, as I predicted when he was your age!"

Remus smiled, with that mixture of dry humour and generosity that was his hallmark. "I'm glad to hear some bit of good news today, Sir!" he answered.


	3. Chapter 3: A Spot of Bother

Chapter 3: A Spot of Bother

James stared moodily out of the window of the Marauders' carriage. The four of them always sat in these seats, in the last carriage, a Marauders' tradition - James and Sirius nearest the window and Remus and Peter near the doors. Except this time, it was just James and Peter, sitting together. James threw the snitch in the air and caught it repeatedly, trying to distract himself unsuccessfully. He had come to the conclusion that he was a rotten friend. If he had kept more of an eye on Sirius, the idiot wouldn't have snapped and messed up so badly. Hence he wouldn't have gotten Snape nearly killed. Hence Remus wouldn't be somewhere alone on the train feeling betrayed. Hence Sirius wouldn't be consumed with guilt. And, he, well he was a bully, Dumbledore had said it himself. And Lily Evans thought he was a git. And he had no excuse, because he came from a perfectly brilliant family, had led a charmed life up until now, and should be a better person. Damn it all to hell. And now he was being a prat of the highest order by feeling sorry for himself.

"Hey, Wormy!" he said, doing his best to fake a cheerful laugh. "Do your best impression of Minnie, you were perfect the other day!"

Peter laughed, pleased at the request. He was brilliant at impersonating others, and he loved making his friends laugh and being the centre of attention at these times. He borrowed James' glasses and perched them on the tip of his pointy nose, raised his right eyebrow severely and said in a perfect Scottish accent,

"Did I hear you correctly, Mr. Sirius Black, did you just ask me out on a date?"

He swept the glasses off and smirked playfully, perfectly mimicking Sirius' flirtatious tone.

"Why yes, Professor, come on, just one teeny tiny date, you know you want to!"

The glasses slid back on. "Mr. Black, if you think that this ridiculous tactic will distract me from the fact that you failed to hand in your transfiguration homework for the fifth day in a row, you are sadly mistaken. Although it is slightly more original than your previous tactic, I'll grant you that!"

James wiped his eyes, laughing with mirth, his troubles momentarily forgotten.

"The irony of it all… the dog ate my homework!" he chuckled.

"Bloody Padfoot, eating his homework the one frigging day he actually bothered to do it! He is a complete menace!" said Peter grinning and shaking his head, hoping to Merlin that his friends started talking again soon.

"Tell me about it!" groaned James.

He walked over to the door and looked out onto the corridor. At the far end he could see Remus standing on his own, looking out at the passing countryside, his hands on the rail, a strained look on his face. Sirius was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey Moony," he called, leaning out of the compartment. "You coming in here?"

"No, I'll give it a miss," Remus replied, continuing to stare out of the window impassively.

James grunted before closing the door behind him.

…

Remus didn't look around when he noticed Lily in the train corridor. He wanted to be left alone. He sighed inwardly with relief when he saw her walk past him. She stopped, standing indecisively for a while, before coming over to stand silently beside him, looking out at the green fields and sun-dappled hills speeding past them. The white noise of the train reassuring him. Eventually he cast a furtive glance at her- she did not appear intent on forcing him to talk, and truth be told, he found her presence strangely comforting.

"Hey," he said, trying his best to sound casual.

"It's fine Remus, you don't have to talk to me, and it's none of my business, but something is wrong and I just want you to know I'm here if you need me, right? We're friends, aren't we?" said Lily, looking at him steadily.

"Yeah, I suppose we are!" he said, smiling at her. "We have ended up seeing rather a lot of each other this year, what with Prefect meetings and rounds!"

"It's just that you don't look well at all today. And I also noticed that you and Sirius aren't in your usual spot with the other Marauders, so I figured something bad must have happened. I mean you're usually inseparable…" she stopped awkwardly. "Feel free to hex me Remus!" she added, trying to lighten the mood.

"I don't randomly hex people, Lily!" said Remus laughing bitterly. "I happen to have some self-control, unlike my stupid mates." _You don't though, he added to himself silently, you're an out-of-control animal and this whole mess is your fault._

"I know Remus, I didn't mean that literally, you're not like your friends!" said Lily, placing her hand gently on his arm. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay, that's all, I'm here if you need to talk."

Remus sighed and looked away. _But what would she say if she found out your secret, he thought- would she still like you then, Remus? Would she still feel sorry for you?_

"I can't really talk about it, it's a secret," he answered tersely. "You wouldn't want to know, trust me!"

It was impossible to miss the angry edge to his voice.

"Remus, it's not like I don't know about your… condition, if that's what you mean," she blurted out, her vivid green eyes unfazed and confident. "And I assure you, it doesn't make a blind bit of difference to me!"

It was Remus' turn to stare at her, pupils wide now, fear written all over his face. He felt his knees give way, and held onto the railing as his breath become ragged. Lily grabbed hold of his right shoulder and squeezed it, adamant not to cause Remus any alarm.

"I guessed ages ago, what with Severus constantly questioning where you disappeared to every month, and our OWL studies on Lycanthropy," she continued calmly, in a low voice, having scanned the length of the corridor to ensure they weren't overheard. "Don't worry, I haven't said a word to anyone and I have no intention of doing so Remus, it doesn't change how I feel about you at all. And I never really thanked you properly for volunteering to pair up with Severus in Potions after the … issue we had. It would have been a total nightmare for me to remain his partner. I know you don't like him, and he is pretty rude to you. I'm so sorry you had to put up with him this term. You really are a good person Remus. The fact that you get your … monthly period… is neither here nor there!" she finished, her eyes twinkling mischievously as she folded her arms and raised her arched brows, daring him to contradict her.

"My monthly period?" he snorted, laughing in spite of himself. "I don't know who's madder- you or James. He refers to it as _my furry little problem._ "

It was Lily's turn to chuckle.

"I like that," she grinned easily.

"Are you aware you just said you liked something James said?" replied Remus, arching his left brow knowingly.

"Remus, you twat! Exceptions don't make the rule," she huffed.

"Hmm, and what if I were to tell you that James volunteered to partner Snape in Potions to save you having to, before I had said anything?" he said.

"Stop giving me that teacher-ish look, Professor Lupin!" said Lily. "I don't believe you- Potter hates Snape!"

"He does, absolutely. And yet he obviously loves you more, because he was willing to put up with that git to save you having to, after he called you the M word. We decided it would cause war if he did though, because Snape really detests him, and I was happy to help you out too. He hates me with less passion than he hates James or Sirius, and Peter couldn't cope with the trauma!" Remus finished, smiling as he noted her discomfort.

"Oh," said Lily, blushing slightly, and fidgeting with the small stud earring in her right ear.

"Yes, Lily, not feeling quite so judgmental towards the Marauders now, are you?" Remus laughed.

"No… I'm sorry, I had no idea, you were both very kind to offer. I've always written Potter off as a selfish, arrogant berk. I suppose I may have misjudged him a little. I think I've always been a bit prejudiced against him," her voice trailed off. She had always thought he was only after one thing, and was not genuinely interested in her at all, maybe she had been wrong.

"Yes, you have, and I bet Snape was trying to poison your mind against him for years, they really can't stand each other, those two. And he does act like a total tosser when he's trying to impress you, Lily. If you could just keep an open mind next year and look at what he's like around other people, you'd probably quite like him. You might even consider dating him, and put us all out of our misery, listening to him moaning about unrequited love! We've heard him going on about you on endless occasions over the last few years!"

"But… practically all the girls in our year, let alone the other years, fancy him! He's nearly as popular as Sirius. He hasn't exactly been short of dates to Hogsmeade this year!" she replied, looking confused.

"Lily, how many _actual_ girlfriends has he had in the past few years?" asked Remus.

"I don't know… a few?" said Lily sheepishly, she hadn't been keeping an eye on James' love life.

"Very few, and none of them lasted long," Remus said.

"Well, he's not into serious relationships so!" said Lily, becoming impatient.

"No, the only person he's interested in having a serious relationship with hates his guts, and he's not one for stringing other girls along," Remus replied pointedly. "He's snogged a few, mostly after pestering from us to give up on you, but it's been one or two dates at most and that's it."

"Why are you telling me this now Remus?" said Lily, her right hand shooting up to play with the back of her earring again.

Remus hesitated, before sighing and continuing, his gaze now focused on the window.

"I owe James a lot, I can't tell you exact details, but you must know he'd do anything for his friends?"

Lily nodded. "Yes, everyone knows you guys are thick as thieves."

Remus smiled sadly. "Usually… anyway, on top of that, something happened yesterday, an accident… I tried to attack Snape, and James saved his life."

He was looking at her now, his cheeks looked hollow, his teeth clenched, the bags under his eyes darker than ever. Lily's heart was pounding in her chest, mixed emotions swirling inside her.

"You don't have to tell me Remus, if you don't want to," she said in a low, anxious voice.

"I know, but … I can't talk to the others now," He mumbled.

She nodded her head reassuringly, scanning his face for signs that he might want to renege on his words.

He didn't tell her about what Sirius had done, partly because he wanted to protect Sirius and partly because he was horrified by it, and talking about it would make it more real. Partly, in truth, to protect himself. He told her about Snape opening the door into the shack and seeing him mid-transformation, howling in pain, how he felt seeing Snape as his brain shifted from human (ashamed, and terrified that he might hurt him) to werewolf (wanting to kill or bite him) in mere seconds. He told her about James, lunging into the room, grabbing Snape and attempting to slow Remus down by hurling non-fatal hexes his way, until he managed to throw Snape into the corridor and slam the door shut. Just in time.

"I could have killed him, Lily, I nearly did. I ripped into his shoulder and chest as he was trying to shut the door behind him. I swear to you I heard him saying "Don't blame yourself" as he fought to close that damned door. I know why. I know James. He wanted to be sure if things didn't work out that I wouldn't feel responsible for his death. As if… he should just have used the killing curse!" Remus covered his face with his hands and chocked the sob that was threatening to escape his throat.

"Remus!" Lily hugged him tightly, willing herself to think of something to say, to comfort him. "James would never forgive himself if something happened to you because of him. Don't you see? He feels exactly the same way you do! Don't you ever say such things about yourself, Remus Lupin! You are the best person I know!"

Tears were streaming down her cheeks now, and she was gripping Remus' shoulders as if she could by force of will make him understand he was wrong.

"Ouch, you're one hell of a strong witch, Lily!" said Remus half laughing, half cringing as his joints and muscles were particularly painful today.

After some time, he took her hand gently in his and whispered. "Thanks Lily, I know you're right. You're… He probably doesn't deserve you after all!" he smiled at her and winked, squeezing her hand briefly.

Lily shook her head slowly and her eyes met his.

" No, I've been the arrogant one, sure that I was right and Potter was… I was wrong."

"Oh fuck!" muttered Remus suddenly, looking past Lily to the group of students making their way down the corridor towards them.

Lily turned swiftly, her hand gripping her wand tightly.

"Bother!" she said briefly, eying Hugo Avery, Severus Snape, Gordon Wilkes and Evan Rosier, who were walking towards her, each with characteristic curled lip and supercilious gaze. She stared them down defiantly.

"Oh, how ghastly!" mocked Hugo Avery, eyeing Lily up and down with clear disgust, and something else, that Lily liked even less. "Why on earth are you talking to someone like her, Lupin. Desperate, are we?"

"Watch your tongue, Avery!" said Remus furiously, his wand clearly visible in his right hand.

"Don't waste your breath on him, Remus," said Lily with surprising control, eying the group as if she were regarding a group of tiresome, spoilt toddlers. "He's just upset because his Daddy was unable to persuade Dumbledore to accept a bribe, so he failed his OWL exams. And he can't stand the fact that lots of muggleborns did better than him. He's been at me since he found out I came joint top of the class with Potter. Get used to it, Avery!" she said evenly, no hint of fear in her brilliant emerald eyes.

Remus felt a surge of pride in his fellow Gryffindor as he watched her face down the four Slytherins, fully confident in her ability to defend herself.

"I'd say she's right, Avery," added Remus curtly. "She's got twice the ability you'll ever have. Now fuck off and leave us alone!"

Remus knew he had but to raise his voice and James would be out like a flash.

Severus seemed to be thinking along the same lines. He nudged Hugo sharply in the ribs, the last thing he wanted was more drama and more trouble with Dumbledore, especially as he was in the company of three other potential Death Eaters. The last people he wanted to draw attention to today.

"Leave it, Avery," he said testily, eying Remus with distaste and avoiding all eye contact with Lily. He didn't want to be placed in the awkward position of having to refuse to hex Lily, and he sure as hell didn't fancy taking her on either. In fact, that was even more frightening.

"Yeah," added Wilkes, sniffing. "Terrible whiff of mud around here…"

"Watch it, you disgusting - "began Remus, but he was cut off by Lily, who placed her hand on his arm and shook her head firmly.

"Like I said, don't waste your energy on them," she said, and turned.

She refused to show them any sign of fear. _Those bastards wouldn't be beyond hexing me in the back, she thought_. Remus stood his ground and watched them leave, his face red with anger, his wand still drawn.

"You'll regret that, Evans," giggled Wilkes, as his voice disappeared down the next corridor.

"Creeps!" said Remus angrily, making sure that the group had completely disappeared, before looking at Lily with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm used to it by now," she sighed heavily. "I refuse to let it bother me too much. That's what they want, to terrify people like Mary and me so that we'll quit Hogwarts and go back to living as muggles, or until they can exterminate us all!"

"Bastards," she added, as an afterthought.

Neither spoke, both deep in gloom as they contemplated the future of the Wizarding community, the growing power of Voldemort among the extreme Pureblood fanatics, and the fate of muggleborns if this situation got out of control. Lily loosened her tie. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable, and slightly light-headed. _What's wrong you with, Lily, this is ridiculous, get a grip, she berated herself angrily, no need to act like a weakling over something minor!_ A strange chill was spreading from the centre of her chest outwards, and she was finding it increasingly more difficult to breathe, with long pauses between each breath, despite her efforts to breath more rapidly. It felt as though someone was switching off her breathing, or as if a ton weight had been placed on her and her ribs were unable to move. A few dark spots appeared in front of her and she bent her head down, feeling light-headed.

"I don't feel great," she muttered, as Remus looked at her with concern.

"Your lips are blue!" he said sharply.

There was something unusual going on, he was certain of it. The colour of Lily's face, her unusual breathing- he was damned if this wasn't dark magic, he could tell from that tell-tale acrid odour which hung in the air. As he watched, Lily collapsed on the ground beside him, holding her side, her breath coming out in slow rasps.

….

The door of the compartment swung open forcefully and James was immediately on his feet, registering the look on Remus' face, his hand already gripping his wand.

"Who?" he asked briskly.

"Evans. Outside. Dark magic. Serious," replied Remus, jumping aside as James pushed past him urgently, and ran to where Lily was lying.

"No idea what spell she was hit by, we just had a run in with Avery and Co, it must have been one of them, I didn't see anything though," said Remus quietly, kneeling down beside Lily and James.

"Spot of bother Evans, don't worry we'll sort it out!" said James, smiling gently at Lily and holding her hand tightly.

She nodded her head briefly, concentrating on trying to force herself to breathe, which was proving difficult as her respiratory rate had fallen to about 5 breaths per minute. She felt dizzy, weak, and was starting to lose focus. Looking into those hazel eyes helped, she felt less confused, less scared. She squeezed his hand weakly.

"Get Peter, split up, and bring Mc Gonagall and Slughorn here!" said James decisively.

Remus nodded and was gone in a flash. James put a sonorus charm on his wand and his voice boomed over the train in both directions.

"Pads, it's a Black Special, things are a bit sticky!" *

James and Sirius had a code, the _Black Special_ , which they had devised for dealing with serious incidents of dark magic. Due to their propensity for getting into fights with a certain Slytherin subgroup, they had become pretty adept at dealing with most hexes and curses. Living in the Black Household for so long meant that Sirius had been exposed (in one way or another) to countless spells that most people had never even heard of. In addition, due to his excellent memory, he knew countless counter-spells, which had proved invaluable at times. Mind you, none had been as life-threatening as this one, and James hoped against hope that Sirius would know what to do.

Sirius arrived a few minutes later, having clearly run the whole way, and sank beside them, exchanging worried looks with James. Their recent falling out momentarily forgotten, James filled him in succinctly and quietly, not wanting to alarm Lily.

Sirius began muttering incantations, flying through a list of most likely spells, but without effect. James continued to talk to Lily calmly, reassuring her that Sirius would be able to counteract the spell. He was beginning to panic interiorly. Unless they managed to do something soon, he feared Lily would drift into unconsciousness, she was beginning to whisper nonsensically, instead of saving her breath, as he was urging her to do now.

"Don't you dare get distracted, Lily Evans!" he said sharply, staring at her closed eyes, white face, her hair spead out around her like a crimson halo. "Don't you dare bale out on me! Who the hell is going to keep me in check if you're gone? Do you want my head to inflate horridly? Who the fuck is going to fly the banner for the muggleborns, and stand up to Mulciber and Avery? Who the hell is going to threaten to hex the socks off Wilkes and Co. when they start their pureblood ranting? You're the best witch in the class! Are you a real Gryffindor or are you a coward, Evans? Stay and fight this, damn it!"

Lily took a deep breath, and James swore her face looked a tiny bit redder than before. _Good, he thought, get angry at me, Evans,_ _fucking_ _hate me for all I care, just don't die here!_

Her eyes flicked open momentarily.

"Pads, she has strange blue veins around her pupils. Is that something you've seen before?" he asked urgently.

Sirius bit his lip, he was reminded of an incantation he had heard his father and Mr. Borgin discussing, a long time ago.

"Maybe... It's an ancient one, I've only heard it once, Salazar Slytherin is supposed to have used it in a duel with Godric Gryffindor, " began Sirius, relief flooding his face as he spotted Minerva Mc Gonagall approaching at top speed, power and anger radiating from her.

"Your assessment, Sirius?" she asked, her face inscrutable, scanning Lily for any traces of recognizable spells.

"Possible Founder's Curse, incantation of _spirandi prohibere_ _._ No clue what the counter-spell is though," Sirius replied anxiously.

"Professor, call Hugo Avery's gang, they were part of the group we think are responsible!" said James.

She nodded curtly and seconds later her voice, laced with threat, was carrying to all parts of the train. "Avery, Snape, Wilkes and Rosier- your presence is required immediately in the last carraige, unless you are here within the next 2 minutes, I shall deem you expelled from Hogwarts with immediate effect. Anyone who sees these students to contact a member of staff instantly, or face the consequences."

She sighed with relief as she spotted Slughorn running towards them, his small hands fisted and heavy jowls huffing. He frowned as he stooped down, panting anxiously as he patted his favourite pupil's head.

" _Spirandi prohibere_? Recall it vaguely, old chap, serious effects as far as I know. Haven't heard it mentioned in years. Seems to me that the counter-spell involved something about defeating the master of the previous spell?" he said, looking expectantly at the other teacher.

"That's rather vague, Horace!" said Minerva Mc Gonagall crossly, before turning towards Lily. _"praeceptor perimus! Novis ordinem! Iterum respirare!"_ she exclaimed, with a complicated flourish of her wand.

"Defeating the master. Would that be the person who cast the spell?" asked James.

"Yes, probably," replied Professor Mc Gonagall, her eyes narrowing as she spotted the Slytherin group approaching warily.

Hugo Avery, Severus Snape, Gordon Wilkes and Evan Rosier looked simultaneously defiant and anxious, and three of them were looking at Professor Slughorn in the hope that as Head of Slytherin he might protect their interests. Severus Snape knew better, he was aware that Lily was by far Slughorn's favourite pupil, and he guessed correctly that the Professor would be furious at whoever had cast the curse. He was pretty furious himself. _How dare Avery do that to Lily!_ Now that he realised what the effects of the spell were, fear gripped him and he stood staring at her, his clammy hands clasping and unclasping of their own accord.

"Look here!" said Slughorn, shaking slightly. "Suffice it to say I am spitting with rage! I am confiscating your wands instantly, we shall perform the reverse spell _Prior Incantato_ to verify who was responsible for casting this frightful spell on Lily Evans and that person will be expelled. Am I correct Minerva?"

"Correct," said Professor Mc Gonagall tersely. "They will be instantly expelled without further ado, this has been agreed with Professor Dumbledore. I contacted him via Patronus Charm. I will be meeting with said pupil's parents in King's Cross Station as soon as we arrive. I don't care who their parents are, even if it were the Minister of Magic, the outcome will not be altered. We have also alerted the authorities and two senior aurors, members of Moody's team, will be meeting us at the station to interview the culprit. This is a very serious business. Do I make myself clear?"

The icy tone and the steely glare emanating from her was enough to terrify all the students, including James and Sirius, aside from the idea of Alastor Moody being in some way involved, which was terrifying in and of itself.

That did not stop Sirius from chiming in with a cheerful "Well said, Prof! The bastard deserves it!"

He figured it was a good sign when Mc Gonagall didn't bother correcting him.

Slughorn had collected the four wands, and James couldn't help noticing that Avery looked particularly shaken as he reluctantly handed his wand over, his pale blonde hair adding to the white-washed look. James was certain he would burst if he didn't either jinx or punch the bastard, but Lily's limp form diverted him.

"Professor, shouldn't you try that spell again? I reckon the master of the spell is pretty defeated now," said James, anxiously staring at Lily.

 _"_ _praeceptor perimus! Novis ordinem! Iterum respirare!"_

This time when the spell was repeated, Lily gasped audibly and colour suffused her cheeks.

"Bravo!" said Slughorn, visibly relieved, as Lily's breathing returned to normal. " Very impressive Minerva, to recall that! Your Latin is clearly more up to scratch than mine!"

"Hardly terribly surprising, Horace, I was always top notch at remembering the old spells!" replied Minerva dryly, but from the warm look she gave James, he could see she was as relieved as he was. "I shall put a spell on her to make her sleep, she needs to rest now. You can fuss over her later, young man!" she said impatiently, as James attempted unsuccessfully to interrupt her.

"Will she make a full recovery?" demanded James, his temper and anxiety getting the better of him, as he faced down his favourite professor without second thoughts.

Two 7th Year prefects were levitating Lily to the staff compartment, and James found it difficult to stop himself from following them.

"Yes, yes, she will, Potter. Stop worrying," said Minerva more kindly now, in a tone of voice that James rarely heard (Remus on the other hand was used to it, it was what he called her _werewolf-pity-voice_ , and despite this, he secretly quite liked it. He had a soft spot for the Head of Gryffindor).

"Thanks Professor Slughorn!" said James, gripping the older man's right hand tightly and giving him a warm hug.

"Not at all, old boy!" beamed Professor Slughorn, who was already concocting versions of this story that portrayed him in a far more heroic light. "Do come to my next party in September. Would love to have you there, a splendid addition to the usual crew! Not sure how you've had such bad luck in being unable to make it to my past evenings. Miss Evans will be there of course, I gather you're rather fond of her?" He winked conspiratorially at James, as Sirius snorted loudly.

"Er… quite. I mean to say, she's rather… you know," said James running his hand through his hair again.

 _Bloody hell, was he that bad that even the teachers knew about his obsession with Evans?_ He could think of nothing worse than sitting through a Slug Club party but as he clearly owed Slughorn, it was the least he could do.

"I'll be there, Sir, sounds marvellous," he kicked Sirius surreptitiously, mid- snorting, and was gratified to hear him turn his snort into a yelp. "I'm sure Sirius will join me there, won't you?"

"Oh splendid, splendid!" Said Professor Slughorn, beaming again as if all his Christmases had come at once. "Potter and Black, yes of course, look forward to it, chaps!"

James smirked as Sirius sent him a particularly nasty look, and refused to comment. Professor Slughorn and Professor Sprout escorted the wandless students away wordlessly, Snape looking back at Lily covertly. James turned to Professor Mc Gonagall.

"Minerva, I don't know how to," he began, and with a sudden impetuous move, he picked her up in his arms, lifting her straight off the ground, and planting a hearty kiss on her cheek. "Thank you!"

"Mr. Potter, compose yourself!"

He grinned at the shocked look on Mc Gonagall's face, as she straightened her robes and fixed her severe bun to restore order. He knew she was desperately trying not to smile at him.

"Humph!" she said, sniffing primly, knowing exactly what to say to put him in his place. "For your information, there is currently a betting pool among the teachers regarding the chances of you being successful in your courtship of Miss Evans. Let us say that the odds are not precisely favourable, Potter. Although certain teachers are betting that by 7th year, you will have stopped acting like a complete nitwit, in which case the odds narrow to one in four!" _That includes me, you silly twat, she thought fondly, but best not to let him know, Heaven knows Evans is absolutely spot on. He could do with losing some ego, she thought._

Sirius stared at her in adoration.

"Minnie, that is the best bit of gossip I've heard in years! You are an angel! Although I think one in four odds is far too generous. I'd say twenty to one at best?"

It looked like he might also get the urge to hug her so before he could say another word she said fiercely, "Not another step in this direction, Sirius Black! Minnie my foot!"

She half closed her eyes and stared at him _. Hopefully none of them had noticed her biting her cheeks to stop herself from chortling, she thought, as that would result in truly disastrous consequences for her image!_ But she couldn't help liking the Marauders, despite their silly name and sillier antics. She had a soft spot for them. Except Peter Pettigrew, she couldn't quite fathom why the others were friends with him. There was something off about him, she found him exceedingly irritating. She was sure it was obvious to everyone that she didn't like him. She was convinced that he was bone lazy and not half as stupid as he let on, no matter what Dumbledore said.

"No harm meant!" Sirius laughed breezily, saluting and waving her through the corridor gallantly.

"Professor!" called James. "If you don't expel the bastard who did this, I'm never speaking to you again!"

Minerva Mc Gonagall turned and stared at him so severely that he gulped. Eventually she answered. "My dear Mr. Potter, are you seriously suggesting the gentleman in question might be returning to Hogwarts after what happened? Over my dead body!"

And with that she swept her robes sternly over her shoulders and disappeared down the corridor.

"Fucking class!" said James looking at her retreating form with a mixture of awe and fondness.

"The best!" agreed Sirius grinning.

James was now looking at Sirius awkwardly. He put his arm out and gripped his best friend's shoulder "About earlier…"

"S'alright, Prongs. Don't mention it" said Sirius looking slightly flustered and shifting uncomfortably, patting James' arm lightly.

"Yeah," replied James.

He flung his arms around Sirius and held him in a long hug, hoping to convey his feelings adequately. Relief flooded Sirius. Maybe he hadn't lost his best friend.

"I'm still mad at you, mind, for what happened yesterday. You were a fucker of the highest order," said James clearing his throat.

"Yeah, I get it," Said Sirius quietly. "I'm mad at me too."

"Oh sweet Merlin, you two - bloody bromance again!" sighed Peter dramatically, as he spotted them.

"Shut up, Wormy! What's the news?" said James, laughing good-naturedly.

"Well, you're going to be madly jealous, because Mc Gonagall says Pads is to go and see Evans when she wakes up, she thinks he might be getting a thank you kiss from her for saving her life!" he said fluttering his eyelashes at Sirius.

"I say, that's spiffing!" said Sirius laughing uproariously as he watched his best friend feign indifference to this piece of information. "Ah well, Prongs, never fear, I'll put in a good word for you!"

"Sod off, you prat!" said James grinning, and punching him in the arm. "Just tell her I'm available for any variety of kisses motivated by gratitude, lust, love or whatever takes her fancy!"

"Er, maybe don't!" said Peter, looking at Sirius wide-eyed. "I wouldn't fancy your chances of saying that to Evans without being royally hexed!"

"I sincerely hope she does, it'd be proof that she's fully recovered. Plus, Pads deserves a few bloody hexes to be honest!" said James, only half-jokingly. He was still mad at Sirius for what he had done to Remus. He hoped to get the chance to talk to Remus before he left the train.

"Whatever, Prongs," said Sirius, feeling a pang of guilt again, as he swung his arm around Peter and headed for the staff carriage.

…

He couldn't find Remus. He couldn't find Peter. He was searching for Remus' parents in the throngs on the platform and he finally spotted them in the sidelines, their grey and brown clothes camouflaging them into the background. Unassuming. They both smiled fondly when they saw him.

"James, dear, so lovely to see you!" Mrs. Lupin came up and kissed him lightly, standing on her tiptoes, holding his hand tightly. He always felt a bit embarrassed when she did that, he knew she was silently thanking him for being there for her son.

"We're lucky to have him!" he replied.

"What?" she sounded confused.

"Er, sorry," he said, looking at Mr. Lupin and feeling ashamed. _He should have done more. He shouldn't have let it happen._

"Is everything alright, James?" Mr. Lupin was regarding him anxiously. He looked very like Remus.

"Fine. Sort of. Will be," he answered. "There was a bit of a … thing… and Remus is rightly pissed off and not really talking to us right now. I think. Understandable and all that. So, in the meantime, you might encourage Remus to owl his friend Lily during the summer. She's very nice and she likes him a lot, and he likes talking to her. She's … very nice."

"That's your Lily, is it?" Mrs. Lupin smiled up at him.

"What? No!" he tried to look cool and failed miserably. "She's just a girl in our class… very nice, that's all."

"So you keep saying," Mr. Lupin smiled too. "Thanks James. Appreciate that. I do hope you boys are back on good terms quickly. We'd be lost without you."

"We'd be lost without Remus," James shrugged. It was true. The amount of times Remus had saved their bacon when it came to pranks was beyond count. He was the mastermind behind any and all successful pranks, and the only reason they haven't landed in permanent detention for all the pranks he wasn't involved in (which usually ended in uproarious disaster). Without him, the Marauders' Map wouldn't have made it past the stage of _Brilliant & Completely Bonkers_ Ideas.

…..

He was trying to find Sirius when he suddenly saw them. Mc Gonagall wheeling Lily in a muggle wheelchair lightly suspended off the ground, Merlin's knows where she had found it. The Head Boy and Head Girl behind them. She looked awful. Her hair was plastered to the side of her face. She looked terribly white, or grey, her eyes dull. His heart tightened. What were they going to tell her parents? He wanted to say something, to stop them, to wish her something. _But he was stupid around her, and he couldn't think straight._ He winked at her instead and stood to attention, like he'd seen soldiers do in muggle films _. Like she was a general, a commander, or something. She was, she had him completely under her control._

She saw him and she rolled her eyes. Rolled her eyes, smiling. A hint of blush on her pale cheeks. She blew him a kiss. He looked behind him to check, maybe she was looking at someone else? She rolled her eyes again, blew him another kiss and mouthed, "thank you!"

She had blown him a kiss. He pinched himself. She had blown him a kiss.

His face was a study in bliss.

…..

James nearly crashed into them. Slughorn and Moody behind, two aurors escorting him, Hugo Avery looked angry and grim. He stepped aside just in time, and Avery lunged forwards unable to contain his fury.

"You traitor, Potter! Blood traitor!" he screamed. "How dare you, it's because of people like you that our world is crumbling, our civilization disappearing! It's our world, Potter, our world! We should have the right to pull up a drawbridge, to keep mudbloods out, to decide who comes over that bridge. They have no right to be in Hogwarts. Mudbloods, they have no rights! Cockroaches, that's what they are, vermin, filth, we'll exterminate them all! And you with them!"

The two aurors were holding Avery back, a look of pure disgust on both their faces. James felt his blood pounding in his head.

He stepped forward, so his face was inches away from Avery's.

"You're scared, Avery," he said quietly, not a flicker of fear registering in his eyes. "You're terrified that being a member of the fucking Sacred Twenty-Eight won't mean anything in a few years' time. It won't buy you jobs and power and wealth. You'll be just like everyone else. And muggleborns who are cleverer than you, or who are more popular, or who are better people, they're going to start getting the positions and rights they deserve. It's happening already, there isn't a single pureblood family left in the whole country that doesn't have some muggle ancestor. The divisions between us are falling and there's nothing you can do to stop that. Your world, your pureblood society, it never existed. It was never real. It's dead, Avery, as dead as your soul! That's what all this is about, you and Voldemort, you're fucking scared of them."

"Shut the fuck up, Potter!" Avery was beside himself with rage, because deep down he knew Potter wasn't lying. "I promise you this, blood traitor - I'll make sure Voldemort kills your dearest mudblood!"

"You're going to Azkaban, Avery," James replied, as he watched the aurors drag Avery off, still screaming.

His throat was dry and he wanted to kill him.

…..

He found Sirius in the middle of the platform. He was standing completely still. His trunk on the ground. Alone.

Sirius was recalling this very moment at the end of First Year, all the Marauders gathered together to say their goodbyes.

 _"I can't face them," he had said. "I can't face spending a whole summer with them."_

 _"You can, and you will," James had answered steadily._

 _"Shakespeare, Henry V, Battle Speech at Harfleur," **Remus had begun._

He had never forgotten it. Each year since, a Marauders' tradition, they stood beside him as he faced his parents, at the start of every school holiday. James standing on his right, left hand on his right shoulder, and Remus standing on his left, quoting those lines, in his beautiful, quiet, steady, voice. Peter raising an invisible sword in the air, Sirius accepting it gracefully. Their presence. That voice. Those lines. It always got him through.

 _Not this time, he thought bitterly, this time he was alone_.

He went to pick up his trunk.

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more," James was standing next to him, where Remus usually stood. His voice reassuring, strong.

It was enough.

This time, James draped his scarf over Sirius, wordlessly. Like he was bestowing him a medal, Sirius thought. It smelled of leather, sweat, wood fires and vetiver. It smelled of winning quidditch, of after-match parties, of the Gryffindor common room fire. It smelled of James.

It was too warm for scarves. It was also maroon and gold. James raised his eyebrows, his eyes glinted mischievously. Sirius smiled, locked eyes with James briefly, and marched towards his parents.

 _"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more…"_

 _…_

 _* See example of British understatement in battle, which their American allies failed to understand during Korean War-_ uk/2001/apr/14/johnezard

 _** It was a matter of bitter debate within the wizarding world as to whether Shakespeare was a muggle or a wizard. Having studied the evidence extensively, Dumbledore concluded that Shakespeare was most likely a muggle who had befriended a witch and had a rudimentary knowledge of witchcraft, and clearly had not been obliviated, as he should have been. Happily, as everyone wanted to claim Shakespeare, it meant that for once, muggleborns and the wizarding community had something in common. At the time of the Marauders, Shakespeare's plays and sonnets were being taught in Muggle Studies (which was a compulsory subject at that time), at Dumbledore's insistence, which infuriated many pureblood extremists._

 _…_

Thank you so much to everyone who left reviews for the previous chapters! I hope you enjoyed that chapter too. As everyone else, I loves reviews and it spurs me on to write more often, so do leave feedback please!


	4. Chapter 4: Black Monday

To anyone who left comments so far, thank you so much! All this story is based on JK Rowlings characters and she is a Queen and Goddess!

Warning:This chapter contains some violence (in case anyone has a history of being physically punished by parents)

Chapter 4: Black Monday

The Summer holidays were not going well. In fact, Sirius was pretty sure that they could so far be classified as upper end of "pretty damned bad", heading towards "fairly awful", and lucky if they didn't hit full-blown "complete hellhole" by the end of it. His parents had refused to let him receive any owl deliveries, and he couldn't decide if that was a good thing (because it meant he could remain blissfully unaware if none of his (ex) friends had bothered contacting him), or not. He had gotten into terrible rows with his father on at least a dozen occasions. Rows about the merits of removing all rights from muggleborn wizards, and other such lovely, cheerful topics. He still had marks on his left cheek and right shoulder from his father's most recent blasting curse to remind him. Sirius didn't care. He didn't care. He refused to care.

It made him look dashing, he decided, fixing his silky black hair in the mirror and regarding his muggle attire. Black bell-bottoms, cowboy boots, red slim-fitting viscose shirt with pointed collar. A real muggle would no doubt have been extremely puzzled by his dress sense. Sirius didn't give a fuck what anyone else thought, wizard or muggle. He knew he looked sexy. It made him feel good, lifted his mood. He knew it would outrage his mother. Disgust his father. Perturb his brother.

He looked a hell of a lot better than his spineless little brother. Sirius couldn't stand the fact that Regulus had never once stood up for him in all his run-ins with his parents this summer. Surely Regulus sometimes agreed with him? He was fairly sure from the slightly uncertain look in his brother's face at times. Not that it was easy to read Reg's facial expressions. He had a perfect poker face, Remus had said. His face was impassive, which was extremely useful if your parents were sadistic maniacs, thought Sirius bitterly. His tone of voice was also as a rule quite monotonous. His parents loved this aspect of Reg's character. No expression of emotions. No empathy, they believed, approvingly. No conscience either, probably. How they had managed to spawn two children with such opposite personalities was beyond him. Reg looked like a thinner, smaller version of him, otherwise he would hazard a guess that he was adopted. Hell, he knew that was impossible, he was the spitting image of his horrid mother. He fervently wished he wasn't. He hated her. He was sick and tired of his mother's raving and the screaming matches between them. Maybe he was asking for it. Maybe he could have kept a low profile. Said nothing. Not taken the bait when his mother launched into another anti-muggle diatribe. Kept quiet when she laughed at the recent reports of muggle torturing, attributed to Voldemort's followers.

He could have. But he didn't. It was his only way of defying them. Of standing up for what he thought was right. Of distancing himself from them. Of proving to himself that he wasn't one of them. Besides, he had no control over his emotions.

He recalled his meeting with Regulus earlier that morning. Regulus had stared at his clothes, looking slightly agitated.

 _"Why are you wearing that? It looks unusual," Reg said matter -of-factly._

 _"Because you don't want me to," he answered._

 _"We are not allowed wear muggle clothes, Sirius, it is against the rules in this house, actually."_

 _"Is it now?" said Sirius pleasantly. "I had no idea!"_

 _"But it is, Sirius. Mummy will be extremely upset."_

 _"Against the law? Ha! Poor her!" said Sirius darkly. "How terrible sad!"_

 _"Actually, I think she said she would be exceedingly angry. Sad is factually incorrect, Sirius," his voice trailed off._

 _Sirius had fought the urge to grin. He liked his brother's unusual exactness, it made him think of happier times, summer holidays when they had both been obsessed with tales of the four founders and Regulus had dreamt up complicated designs for a new Hogwarts, precise and wonderfully technically accomplished. And Sirius had acted out all the stories of the four founders, making his brother laugh._

 _"Do you remember how you used to go mad if I changed any part of the Hogwarts stories we invented when we were little?" Sirius asked. "You knew the stories off by heart."_

 _"Yes," replied Regulus. "I did."_

 _"And the architectural designs for your Hogwarts, do you still recall them?"_

 _"Of course I do, I have an excellent memory."_

 _"Yes, you do," Sirius smiled fondly. "What was the design for Slytherin common room?"_

 _"It was going to have a retractable dance floor, a direct link to the cellars with a revolving conveyor belt for firewhiskey on demand, a permanent phosphorescence spell to enchant the algae in the lake, and a charmed hall of mirrors designed to repel intruders. Precisely as you had requested."_

 _"It was perfect. I wanted to be in Slytherin in our version of Hogwarts," said Sirius. "I still think it would be amazing. Imagine dancing with your dream date, at an underwater disco, dimly lit by the green phosphorescent glow of the deep water. If that isn't romantic, I don't know what is!"_

 _"Er," said Regulus looking very ill at ease and avoiding all eye contact._

 _"Each to their own, Reg, whatever works for you," said Sirius shrugging. He always wondered why Reg became so uncomfortable whenever girls and dating were mentioned._

 _"I did finish working out the Arithmancy calculations for the dance floor and the hall of mirrors," said Regulus. "I haven't managed to calculate the best way to connect to the cellars yet," he added._

 _"You will, when you get obsessed with something, there's no stopping you!" said Sirius grinning, thinking what a godsend Regulus would have been in helping them design the Marauders' Map._

 _"Sirius, I…" Regulus stopped and looked at Sirius again, with his unusually intense gaze._

 _Sirius knew then that Regulus would try to apologise for what had happened with Snape. And he wasn't ready to hear it, because he hadn't forgiven him. Or himself. Not yet._

 _"I'm busy" he said curtly. "I can't talk now Reg."_

It was early afternoon now. If he was lucky he might escape from Grimmauld Place for a few hours. Disappear into muggle London for a while. He was fascinated by it. He didn't really get it, it confused him completely, but he loved it. Partly because it was forbidden, partly because he guessed it was full of rebellious young people like him, mostly because it tasted of freedom. People wanting to push boundaries, do something new, not clutching at ancient traditions like skeletons clutching at dust. He also really wanted to buy a leather jacket. _Wizarding fashion was, let's face it, he thought, seriously uncool_. He had started hanging around a pub in Notting Hill, watching the world go by. Listening to David Bowie, Iggy Pop, Thin Lizzy.

For no real reason. Watching the bartender. No reason at all.

He walked downstairs quietly, hoping to evade inspection by his parents. He had made it as far as the front door when his mother's portrait began screaming insults at him, and his father appeared at the entrance to the Green Living Room.

"A word, Sirius!" ordered his father, Orion Henri Black _._

 _Wonderful, thought Sirius, I wonder what I've done now._

"Certainly Sir," said Sirius casually, hoping he sounded irritatingly nonchalant. His shoulders had tightened, nevertheless, his hands were fisted up, and he could feel his blood pounding in his ears.

He was greeted by the sight of his mother, sitting stiffly upright on the chaise longue, his brother Regulus standing to attention behind her, his hand protectively placed over her shoulder, now wearing his black dress robes. _His bloody dress robes, I ask you!_

Even worse, he now spotted that some of his extended family who he loathed with a passion were also present - his cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa, and their parents Cygnus Black III and Druella Black. He particularly hated his cousin Bellatrix, who was rumoured to be an active Death Eater. Eight years older than him, she had long given up on the possibility of converting him to the dark arts and had made it her business to antagonise him at every opportunity. He knew she often had long conversations with his mother on the horrendous plight of his parents and "what could be done about him".

"Oh, goodie, a family reunion, what joy!" muttered Sirius darkly. "Once more unto the bloody breach..."

His father looked momentarily puzzled, and looked him up and down grimly. He sighed audibly.

"Yes?" Sirius squared his shoulders, his back straight.

"It may have escaped your notice that today is August 18th, The Blacks' Day. The yearly celebration for the past four hundred years of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight," began his father, pouring himself a large glass of finest 1655 vintage Firewhiskey from the enchanted drinks cabinet. "A bastion of enlightened thinking and standard-bearer of the noble traditions of Wizarding England. A House that has stood for history, legacy, symbolism, the safe-keeping and transmission of power from one mighty generation to the next. A family who can trace its lineage back to the time of Salazar Slytherin himself. The retention of knowledge of the so-called dark arts, practically unsurpassed by any other pureblood family in England. And you are privileged enough to find yourself heir to this glorious tradition, Sirius Orion Black."

His father had poured another glass of firewhiskey and was walking towards him as he continued speaking.

"We have ignored your waywardness up until now. It is not unheard of for Blacks to go a bit wild in their youth, to rebel shall we say, prior to accepting the mantle of responsibility which you have inherited. A few have run afoul of the Ministry and nearly ended up in Azkaban, until a few whispers in the right places resulted in the charges being mysteriously dropped!"

Orion smiled thinly and glanced at his wife, who raised her own glass and sent him a mirthless laugh.

 _And I bet I can guess what the charges were, thought Sirius, shuddering slightly._

"But that time is over, Sirius Orion Black!" Orion was now standing in front of him, his arm extended to offer Sirius the second glass of Firewiskey. "The time has come to accept the legacy that is offered you today, to lead this family into the future- a secure, confident, powerful future. With the support of Voldemort and his allies, the sky is the limit when it comes to what we can achieve together! You are blessed to be reaching your adulthood at a time when the fortunes of The Ancient and Most Noble House of Black has never seemed brighter. As is the custom, on this day prior to the heir's seventeenth birthday, he assumes his role as Heir in Waiting. Your seventeenth birthday falls in November, so today is your day."

"Toujours Pur!" he exclaimed, raising his glass towards his wife and then towards Sirius.

"Toujours Pur!" replied Walburga solemnly, standing up and coming towards them slowly.

"Toujours Pur!" said Regulus quietly, staring ahead of him. He remained motionless behind the chaise- longue. Nobody noticed his hands shaking slightly.

His aunt and uncle and Narcissa stood silently watching, a stern look on all their faces. Bellatrix laughed shrilly.

"You don't deserve that honour, cousin, I would have disposed of you years ago!" she spat out viciously.

Sirius remained silent, staring at his father.

"Toujours Pur!" repeated Orion Henri Black, except that the hint of congratulations in his tone had been replaced by something darker.

"toujours mort, toujours pourri, toujours faux*!" Sirius said mockingly, glass raised towards his father and mother.

He looked at the contents of the glass briefly as if contained poison, then tossed it into the fire, a welcome burst of flames emanated from the mean fire which had looked like it was fading.

"Congratulations, Regulus, you are now the Heir to the Black Title!" he said bowing towards him with a hollow laugh.

He turned to face his father.

"What were you thinking, Sir? Surely by now you must know I'm a lost cause. You will _never_ persuade me to have anything to do with your fanatical pureblood bullshit! Are you both blind and stupid? Have I not made myself clear enough? Well, just in case, let me tell you what word best sums up the content of your speech- pure, unadulterated bullshit!"

He glared resolutely at his parents, taking in his mother's profile. Walburga was stunningly good looking, but he focused on a small detail- the swollen veins which always appeared around her temple when she was about to explode.

"Expelliarimus!" she turned and screamed, her face contorted with rage, as she grasped his wand.

"Wonderful, mother. Scared I was going to attack you? You forget I am not one of you!" said Sirius through gritted teeth.

His father sighed heavily. His voice was cold and detached as he spoke, looking out of the window. "You are no longer my heir. I have not decided how to deal with you yet. Perhaps a transfer to Durmstrang Institute, get you out of the way, less chance of other nobility hearing about your shameful behaviour. Might deal with your sort more effectively. They have ways of dealing with boys like you."

He looked at his wife, and nodded towards his relatives who wordlessly existed the building. Bellatrix couldn't help grinning manically at him with glee.

"Oh it's so unfair I don't get to watch this! I so wanted to see this, uncle Orion! Tell me how it goes, Reg dear," she pouted before leaving through the front door and apparating immediately.

Walburga was still standing in front of Sirius.

"Well, you saw that!" she snapped at Regulus, walking over to where he stood and handing him a wand. Sirius had never seen that wand before.

"We agreed this earlier with your father. Do it! They won't be able to trace it back to you."

"Do what?" said Sirius laughing at her, and looking at Regulus. Part of him felt free, he had no idea what he was going to do, but the thought of never coming back to this house filled him with hope.

Regulus had not moved, the hand which now clutched the wand visibly trembling now.

"Mother," he began pleadingly, in a low whisper.

"Do it!" she said sharply.

"I don't want to," Regulus' voice was hardly a whisper.

"Do it, Regulus, or I swear to Morgana I will inflict that curse on you myself! And I promise you, that's the last thing you want. Now do it!" she screamed, pointing her wand at Regulus.

He had turned white. He was standing completely still. Like somebody in a trance.

Comprehension hit Sirius suddenly, like a blow to his stomach. He felt sick. He tasted vomit, and swallowed it. He thought quickly, desperately.

"Go ahead, Regulus! I hate you anyway. Always have. Pathetic sad little bastard that you are," he said, keeping his tone callous, his lip curled in disgust. "No wonder you've no friends. No wonder nobody talks to you. Who the hell wants to listen to you droning on about Arithmancy all the time? It's boring, Regulus. Like you. Boring, and pointless. If it wasn't for the fact that you're a Black, nobody in Slytherin would even acknowledge you exist. You couldn't have a conversation with somebody if your life depended on it. Nobody in their right fucking mind will ever want to go out with you. Don't you get it? You're a loser and nobody likes you. My friends are always laughing at you when I tell them what a coward and a freak you are. I've told them all about you, what a shit brother you are, what a spineless worm, what a beastly person you are. They're my brothers now, not you. You thought we had a good relationship when we were younger, didn't you?"

"But you said earlier …" began Regulus, looking confused and distressed.

"What I said, did you believe it? Well, you were wrong, Regulus! That was all an act. I was bored stiff you see. It amused me, messing with your stupid little head, pretending I liked you. Come off it, did you really think I ever loved you Reg? You don't get it, do you? You were always useless at understanding people. You're stupid and boring. And your pathetic licking up to Mother and Father, the perfect son, who could do no wrong. Do you know what that was like for me? Well let me make it quite clear, Reg. I hate you. I always have and I always will. You mean nothing to me!"

He laughed then, a slightly manic laugh, a mocking laugh, looking at the one silent tear tracking down Regulus' cheek.

"You're nothing but a coward, Regulus! A pathetic coward! I hate you, I've always hated you!"

"Do it!" screamed his mother.

Something in Regulus finally seemed to snap. He whipped out the wand.

"Crucio!" he shouted.

Sirius' body exploded in pain, such as he had never felt before. He fell on the floor, writhing, gasping for breath, screaming. Every part of him was on fire. It felt like his body was trying to tear itself into pieces. Like all his joints were dislocating. Like shards of glass were inching their way inside him. Like segments of his lungs were bursting from the inside out. Like someone was kicking him in the kidneys and his liver. He tasted blood. He wondered if this was anything like what Remus had to endure every full moon. He had no idea how long the spell lasted. It felt like a lifetime. He was dimly aware of his mother speaking to Regulus in congratulatory tones, before everything went dark, and he passed out.

….

He was lying on the ground when he regained consciousness. Long shadows bent across the room and he became aware that the sun had gone down. It was evening. He was freezing cold. His body was shaking violently. His fingers were numb. He felt his lips cracked and his throat parched. He had a blinding headache and every single part of him felt broken. He looked at his hands and noted the tiny pinprick purpuric rash which now covered him, confirming the Cruciatus Curse. He dragged himself into a sitting position, slowly. He had to get out. Now. He tried to haul himself upright and collapsed back onto the floor. It was then he noticed Regulus, still standing where he had been when he cast the curse, wand still in his hand, face sphinx-like.

"Reg," he croaked. "Help me."

Regulus seemed not to hear. He tried again.

"Reg! It's me, Sirius. Look at me! I need your help. I need to leave, before they get back! Please!"

"What?" Regulus seemed utterly confused, he stared down at his hand as if it belonged to another person.

"Fuck's sake, Reg! Help me stand. And pass me my wand."

"Is this a dream?" said Regulus, looking vaguely around the room. It seemed to him as if nothing were real any more.

"You could call it a bit of a nightmare, I suppose," whispered Sirius dryly.

"Thanks," he muttered, as Regulus bent down and held on to his arm, lifting him up.

"Careful, bit sore!" he hissed, as his brother's arm touched his skin.

"Who did this, Sirius?" asked Regulus suddenly, alarm washing over him, as he tried to recall what had happened.

"Look at me!" whispered Sirius grabbing him weakly by his cloak. "It was Mother! It was Father too…"

"Who did this?" asked Regulus again.

"I'm sorry," Sirius gasped.

He was shaking so badly that it was difficult for Regulus to support his weight. They reached the front door. Sirius lurched onto the porch of 12, Grimmauld Place. He wanted to say so many things to his brother. So many things he should have spoken about before.

But he was losing consciousness. Humming and a loud noise filled Sirius' ears as he apparated.

*"Always dead, always rotten, always false!"

Please let me know what you think about the story so far! It may take a little while till I can update again!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: The Potters

James woke up bright and early on the morning of the 19th August. The sunlight was streaming in through his large sash window, already a hint of summer heat in the air. It was before six, when the day is full of promise, and James knew he could steal an hour of quidditch practice before breakfast. He threw on a pair of red shorts and olive t-shirt and ran his fingers through his hair. He glanced at himself in the mirror as he passed. He had grown considerably taller this summer, a deep tan after the yearly holiday in Italy with his parents, and he had gained some muscle in all the right places with his quidditch workouts. He always looked well after spending time at home, like all the fussing, affection and love that his parents surrounded him with was physically manifesting itself. Traipsing carelessly across the oak wooden floors, he headed downstairs, jumping down the last ten steps, and out the back door, through the walled garden, and into the quidditch field.

"Was that James?" Fleamont Potter asked his wife groggily.

"It certainly was, Monty," replied Euphemia Potter smiling. "As quiet as a baby elephant. Takes after his father."

"He does not!" said Mr. Potter, feigning insult. "I don't get up at obscenely early hours, that's all definitely inherited from your side, Mia! He only gets his good looks, charming manner and intelligence from me!"

"Oh how droll, Mr. Potter! Well you certainly both share a delightful sense of humour and the maturity of a garden gnome!" Mrs. Potter quipped sarcastically.

"Hmm," said Fleamont, half opening one eye and looking at his wife with bleary-eyed adoration. "I take it back; the good looks and intelligence are definitely from you! Am I back in your good books and can I go back to sleep now?"

"Cheeky so and so!" replied Euphemia, with twinkling hazel eyes. "I'll bring you up a cup of tea when breakfast's ready."

"You're a star!" groaned Fleamont, tossing a pillow over his head while grinning at his wife.

"It's like living with two teenage boys around here!" laughed his wife as she whacked him playfully over the head with another pillow.

"Love you!" muttered Mr. Potter grinning with his eyes closed.

"Love you too!" replied Mrs. Potter, grinning back, tying her thick grey hair into a low bun. "You have me wrapped around your little finger!"

Mr. Potter burst out laughing. As far as he was concerned, it was blindingly obvious to the entire wizarding world that his wife had _him_ wrapped around her little finger and completely under her thumb, which suited him perfectly!

Mrs. Potter sighed happily as she wandered downstairs to the comfortable, cosy kitchen. Her husband was right, she did like early mornings. With a wave of her wand she had lit the big Aga cooker and was conjuring up some porridge, bacon and eggs. As she cooked, she gazed outside. Behind the house lay a Regency-style ornamental garden, featuring colourful displays of flowers, herbaceous borders and shrubs, which her husband spent hours tending- he would have passed for a typical English gentleman! Cherry blossom trees were planted at the far end of the walled garden and in the centre stood a small, pretty water fountain with a lion cub spitting out water. The adjacent kitchen garden had a fine collection of fruit trees and many vegetables. The refined but simple design served to create a distinctive atmosphere – welcoming and charming.

The early morning peace was shattered by the sound of her son shouting.

"Muuuuuuum!"

The spoon in her hand clattered loudly onto the kitchen floor. The last time she had heard James use that tone of voice was when he was eight years old and had seriously injured himself playing quidditch, resulting in a long inpatient stay in St. Mungo's. Euphemia raced outside.

James was struggling to open the gate into the walled garden, carrying something heavy, which looked awfully like a body. She dropped to her knees beside James.

"Oh James!" she whispered softly, staring at Sirius' unconscious figure.

"I found him out in the field. I had to carry him, I didn't have my wand. Is he…?" said James, unable to complete the question.

Euphemia looked at James - her usually carefree, mischievous son - terrified. She thanked Merlin for her exceptional memory as she examined Sirius. All the healing and diagnostic spells she had studied came back to her.

"He's going to be ok, he's dehydrated and hypothermic, and he's been subjected to… we need to get him inside, James," she said, as calmly as possible.

….

They had laid Sirius asleep in James' room, on his bed, at his insistence. Euphemia had cast as many healing spells as she could muster and Fleamont, who after all was a potions expert, had given him a drop of sleeping draught. James regarded his friend wordlessly. He looked a bit better, he reassured himself, he was going to be ok. He looked at his parents. They were looking at the two boys and exchanging glances, like they always did when they wanted to communicate without telling James. He had no idea what they were telling each other. Every now and then Sirius stirred in his sleep, muttering to himself.

"I'm staying with him till he wakes up," said James, crossing his arms and looking at his parents.

"That's a good idea," answered his father, removing his glasses and rubbing his tired eyes.

His mother ruffled his hair softly and kissed him on the forehead on her way out. They could only wait now, and hope that time healed whatever awful trauma Sirius had been subjected to.

James was as good as his word. He sat beside the bed on his favourite, worn, leather armchair. Sitting quietly wasn't his forte, and after some hours fidgeting and sprawling on the chair, he began talking to Sirius quietly.

"This is going to sound awful Pads, but I'm really glad you decided to come here. I know whatever happened is terrible and you feel dreadful, and I swear I'm going to kill your fucking family the next time I see them, and I wouldn't say it if you were awake, but I'm really glad you're going to be living here. Selfish and all that, but I am. I've always wanted a brother or a sister, and now my best friend gets to be my brother as well. It's just so good knowing you'll be here from now on, all the holidays, especially the bloody long ones! I used to get terminally bored after a while. Used to drive my parents up the wall with my antics! And I hate not having anyone to share my childhood memories with. As in, when my Mum and Dad die. They're pretty old, Pads, much older than most parents cause they only had me when Mum was in her fifties, which is ancient, even for a witch. And they're both over seventy and not as healthy as they once were."

James rubbed his chin and glanced to make sure his friend was still asleep before continuing.

"I don't like talking about it. Sorry I didn't tell you before. I guess I'll have to fill you in over the next few days. They got a really bad dose of Dragon Pox and both nearly died. It happened when we were in second year. I missed two months of school, made up some excuse about a holiday. I'm lucky they both made it, it was touch and go for a few weeks. I've no immediate relations, so I was a bit lost. Got into more pranking than usual that year in school, do you remember? I really wanted to forget about it and it was the perfect distraction for me. I think Dumbledore knew."

James sighed and carefully lowered himself to sit cross legged on the bed beside Sirius.

"Anyway, they're ok as long as they don't catch it again, fingers crossed. And this is the best thing that could have happened as far as they're concerned. I know for a fact they're always worrying about me being alone when they go. They are delighted to have you. We were always bitching about your parents, and wondering how to get you out of there! You're not even awake yet, and they're already plotting what horrendously embarrassing stories to tell you about me growing up. Honestly, the pair are a menace! They're supposed to be old and conservative by now, but instead they're positively wickedly funny! I'd never admit it to them if you paid me, but I kind of hope I end up a bit like them when I'm old. Anyway, I'm going to die of embarrassment on a daily basis between now and school. But it's better than dying of boredom, I suppose!"

James sat looking at Sirius' calm face for a while, it was weird watching him so silent and still. He lay back on the bed, hands behind his head, lying next to him.

"I hope you manage to sort things out with Moony. You're going to have to apologise, Padfoot, I don't care about your _I don't do_ _begging_ lark. This time you seriously need to grovel! I wrote to Moony a few times since school finished, but he didn't write back. I hope he's ok. I'm not even sure why he's pissed off with me, but I gather he must be. I can't stand us not all getting along. I'm going to fucking fix it if it's the last thing I do!"

It was late, and James had finished a cup of tea and scones that his father had brought up for him. A large wood-fire glowed, and watching it was mesmerising and extremely relaxing. He had refused to swap places with his parents even for a short break. He climbed inside the warm bed and lay near Sirius, feeling sleep overtake him.

"Sirius, one thing. Under no fucking circumstances are you to go back to that madness that made you act all weird in first year. You may have forgotten it, but I bloody haven't. I'm not an expert, but I think you were determined to do everything you could to drive me and the others away. Honestly, it was ridiculous the amount of stupid fights you tried to pick with us. I know you thought we'd get sick of you and dump you or something, and I think you were scared of needing us. I knew it, Pads, I knew it at the time, and I thought _\- you stubborn git, there's nothing in hell you can do to get rid of me now!_ I'm never walking away. We're best friends. That doesn't mean I won't call you out if you're acting the bastard, like when you messed up with Snape. But you're stuck with me, mate, so get bloody used to it. And same goes for my folks. If you think I'm a stubborn git, where do you think I got it from? You're one of us know, and God help anyone who dares come between Monty and Mia Potter and their children!"

He places a hand gently on Sirius' arm.

"Good night, Pads," he whispered. "You're safe, everything is going to be fine now."

He closed his eyes.

"Em, Prongs, you might want to know I've been awake for a while, now listening to you rabbiting on. Just thought it fair to tell you." Sirius whispered softly.

"Bloody hell, Padfoot!" James sat bolt upright, then tried his best to hug his friend without hurting him, which wasn't easy.

He could see the warmth in Sirius' smile, the gratitude and emotion in his eyes which he was trying to repress. He knew if he said too much it might set Sirius off, and he needed to rest now. There would be time to discuss the trauma and loss he was feeling another day, if Sirius wanted to. Which he was pretty sure wasn't the case.

"Exactly how long have you been listening?" asked James, falling back onto the bed and lying on his elbow facing him.

"Pretty much since the start. I woke up when your mum brought you lunch, but I was so tired and so scared this was all a dream, that I didn't dare open my eyes. Then after listening to your non- stop chattering, I knew it was definitely you. And don't worry, I'm staying, ok? You're obviously desperate to talk to someone, it's making you all girly. And I'd say it's driving your parents mental. I'll stay to do them a favour, and for the sake of your sanity!" Sirius was smiling, but James could read him like a book. He wanted to tell Sirius how sorry he was for whatever had happened, and how brave he was. But he didn't know how to put it into words. And maybe what Sirius had heard would be enough for now.

"Shut up, Pads, I'm just glad you're staying for good. And I meant all of it, especially that last bit, you hear? Now go to sleep," he ordered.

"Yes mum," answered Sirius, a small smirk playing on his lips. He was facing James, who was smiling broadly at him, and he thought he'd never felt so safe and cared for in his entire life. "Good night, Prongs."


	6. Chapter 6: Endings and Beginnings

Chapter 6: Endings and Beginnings

 _(Note: I know the meeting between Walburga and Euphemia has been done before, a lot better, in other fanfic, but I needed to include it due to a plot line in 7th Year!)_

"What am I supposed to have done now?" asked Lily, clearly exasperated, and trying desperately not to lose her temper.

"Well if you don't know, then that means you don't care!" snapped Petunia, grabbing her schoolbag.

"I really don't know, and how am I supposed to apologise if I don't have a clue what I did to upset you?" replied Lily, doing her level best to be reasonable.

Petunia ignored her pointedly and began tidying away her school books.

"Penny, please, I want to sort this out before I leave for Hogwarts tomorrow," said Lily quietly.

Petunia continued to ignore Lily, and turned to Mrs. Evans.

"See what I mean, mum, she's trying to provoke me! that's all she wants, to upset me. She's being doing this all summer!"

"Penny, hold on," began Mrs. Evans.

Scowling at Lily, Petunia walked out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind her. Mrs. Evans clicked her tongue and turned to look at her younger daughter.

"I'm sorry Lily, she's just so easily offended, you know what she's like. I'll try to talk to her when she's cooled down a little. Don't take it too personally, love."

"Mum, I try, I try so hard to be nice and to say kind things to her about her friends and her clothes and her interest in becoming a model, but I don't think she sees any of that," replied Lily, placing her hands on her head in frustration. "She just twists everything I say to make it sound like I'm trying to belittle her. She's always misinterpreting things I try to do make her happy. I've tried confiding in her about things to do with school and my friends, to show her I value her opinion, but she just tells me my school and my friends are stupid freaks, and refuses to ever share anything about her life with me, like I can't be trusted. She's convinced that because I let her go to that fashion shoot wearing the yellow dress, that I purposely tried to make her look ugly! I had _no part_ in that decision, mum, none! But apparently, it's my fault she didn't get called back, and I feel like she's going to resent me because of that forever!" Lily sighed heavily and put her head on the table. "She's never going to forgive me for being a witch, is she, mum?"

"Lily, she's just… she does care, deep down," said Rose Evans softly, playing with Lily's hair.

"She really doesn't, mum. Sure when I arrived home in the wheelchair, she accused me of being an attention seeker and ignored me for two weeks!" said Lily, her eyes welling up at the thought.

"She also did what she always does when she's worried. Do you remember what that is?" asked Rose smiling.

"Going nuts with tidying?" asked Lily, clearly surprised.

"Yes, she went berserk for about three days, she tidied the whole house within an inch of its life! I swear she practically drove your dad and me crazy! One of the days she literally hoovered the entire place three times!" said Rose, standing behind Lily and pulling her into a hug.

"Oh, well, better than nothing, I suppose," said Lily, leaning into her mother gratefully. She loved hearing her mother's warm Irish accent.

"I'd be lost without you mum," she added after a pause.

"So would we, love, we miss you so much when you're gone, our ray of sunshine! The house isn't the same without you," said her mother, with a sad smile. She loved both her daughters dearly, but she was aware of how different the atmosphere at home was when Lily was gone, and how stressful it could be at times walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting Petunia.

…..

"Boys, I'm sure you think you've packed everything, but I decided you might need the new quidditch gear I bought you last week," said Mia, looking at the two dark haired boys running down the stairs giddy with excitement.

"Yeah, yeah," laughed James, who wasn't listening at all, pulling his mother into a quick hug.

"James, listen! I stuffed it all into your trunk just now. I bought a few sizes, so pick the ones that fit you best, boys, and owl the rest back to me," said Mia grinning.

"Quidditch gear!" said Monty pointedly, as James looked at him blankly.

"Oh shit!" said James looking horrified.

"Yes, James!" said Monty, eyeing the sleek new Stratus 500 brooms enviously, as he recalled how much he had enjoyed playing those matches at school.

"Em, Mrs. P, could I have a word, please?" asked Sirius awkwardly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He had been trying to say this all morning, unsuccessfully.

"Of course, dear," said Mia, pushing the heavy door of the library open and closing it quietly behind them. "Is everything alright? Are you worried about seeing them today at the station?"

"Sort of," said Sirius, shrugging and wishing his voice didn't sound so shaky.

"Of course you are," said Mia calmly, holding on to his arm and squeezing it gently. "We'll be right there beside you, every step of the way!"

"I… the thing is, Mrs. P, I just really needed to tell you how much it meant to me that you let me stay with you since I… had to leave London," Sirius heard his voice falter with emotion and stopped.

"I'm so glad you came, Sirius, I couldn't be happier to have you, and that goes for Monty too," said Mia warmly. "Let alone James, he's clearly delighted!"

"You needn't worry about me staying here too long," began Sirius, trying to steady his voice. "I'm thinking of staying with Uncle Alphard after Christmas, he lives in London and,"

"I'm sorry Sirius, that is out of the question, Dear! I'm not letting you move in with an eccentric uncle who's hardly ever at home, and who has no clue what you boys get up to! Once you finish school then we can certainly discuss it, but for now you're staying here, and that goes for James too," Mrs. Potter spoke with a finality and authority that Sirius couldn't argue with.

He felt his eyes well up as he looked at her.

"Come here," she said fiercely, wrapping him in a tight hug. "We love you Sirius, plain and simple. I don't know if we'll be allowed to adopt you, Monty is looking into it, but as far as we're concerned, you're ours."

"I love you too," said Sirius, hugging her back just as tightly, as tears flowed down his cheeks.

"And it's not Mrs.P, it's mum," and Sirius could hear the smile in her voice.

….

They made it to King's Cross with a few minutes to spare. Monty had taken James aside and warned him quietly against going anywhere near Sirius' family. Relief flooded Sirius as he searched for his parents and Regulus among the crowds, and failed to spot them.

"Come on, let's get you on that train," said Monty briskly, leading him forwards, with his wife on Sirius' other side, and James walking ahead with his hand wrapped round his wand.

"Ah, the Potters! So charming! So that's where you crawled to when you deserted your family, is it? They felt sorry for you, I suspect, decided to pity you, like one of their charity cases," a high-pitched voice filled with loathing echoed behind Sirius. His breath hitched, and panic filled his chest. He felt rooted to the spot. He turned slowly, dreading the sight of her.

"Walburga," said Mia, turning quickly and positioning herself between Sirius and his mother. "How do you do? Let's drop any pleasantries, shall we? You heard about Hugo Avery, I'm sure? Four years in the underage section of Azkaban, reduced from six because he pleaded guilty. Underage illegal curses not going down too well in the courts at the moment. Even being in the Sacred Twenty-Eight didn't stop justice being handed down to Avery, did it?"

Her eyes flashed dangerously, and her voice was cold but furious.

 _Fucking hell, thought James, staring at his mother in awe._

 _Fucking hell, thought Sirius, staring at James', at his, mother, in awe._

 _Fucking hell, thought Monty, remind me never to mess with Mia, and how the hell did I ever end up married to this angel?_

"We were just leaving, we have no interest in that boy," said Orion who had materialised at his wife's side and was staring at Mrs. Potter with disgust. Placing a hand on his wife's shoulder he steered her rapidly away.

"How dare she talk to me like that? Doesn't she know who I am?" hissed Walburga, fury threatening to overcome her as she whipped out her wand.

"Don't be a fool, woman!" said Orion sharply. "She knows, Walburga, she knows!"

"I'll kill her for that insolence!" said Walburga shaking with rage.

"Stop it at once!" said Orion gripping her shoulders and shaking her. "Listen to me, I'm as furious as you are. But we can't attack them here. You and I both know the Potters are, inexplicably, among the most admired and well-liked couples in the wizarding community, what with all their revolting charity work and large group of friends. And they are constantly in the papers. No, it would be very unwelcomed publicity for our side if we attacked them here."

"So what, I just allow her to disrespect the Black family name?" Walburga practically shouted.

"For now. Revenge is a dish best served cold," replied Orion grimly, whispering in her ear as he led her away. "We'll get the Potters back in such a way that will break them more than anything we could do to either of them. Don't worry, we'll ruin their lives, Darling, trust me on this one."

…..

"Here we are at last!" said James as he stopped in front of the Marauders' carriage. He went to open the door and found it locked. Peering inside the compartment he spotted Remus sitting beside Peter and talking with two popular Seventh Year boys, Gideon and Fabian Prewett.

Cursing under his breath, he turned to Sirius and shrugged.

"We're a bit late, and Moony is still pissed with us, by the looks of it. I swear to Merlin, I'm going to fix things between us all if it's the last thing I do!"

A look of guilt passed over Sirius' face, and he kicked the wall of the train at intervals until they found an unoccupied compartment, shoving all their bags in an untidy mess in one corner.

"Right," said James, determined to distract Sirius after the nasty incident with his birth parents. "Let's try on the new quidditch shirts! I'm bloody well Captain this year, Pads, can you believe it?" he grinned foolishly at Sirius.

"Fine, may as well," smiled Sirius. "Yes of course I bloody believe you, you're a total swot when it comes to quidditch, and I swear to Merlin, if you start arranging practice at ungodly hours I may have to kill you, old chap! Not all of us think six o' clock is a normal time to get up!"

"Strictly speaking it's bro, not chap, but whatever!" said James, still grinning.

"I bags the larger shirt, cause I'm more muscly than you," said Sirius, throwing off his t-shirt hurriedly.

"Hey! You are in your dreams, you prat!" retorted James heatedly, following suit and lunging towards his trunk. Having thrown half his belongings onto the floor, they found the new gear and were still arguing about sizes when the door swung open.

Lily was in the middle of a conversation with her friends.

"Do you think they're worried about you going back to school after what happened last term?" asked Mary.

"Yeah, I think so. Mum and Dad insisted on meeting Professor Mc Gonagall today to find out how they mean to keep us muggleborns safe this year. Like they can guarantee anything!" snorted Lily.

"I can't say I blame them though," said Mary looking concerned. "I specifically didn't tell mine what happened to you Lily, cause I knew they'd have a heart attack. I thought they might even stop me going back!"

"That's exactly what they want, Mary!" replied Lily heatedly, opening the compartment door distractedly. "They think we- oh!"

Lily stared as James and Sirius turned around simultaneously, shirts in hands.

"Well hello, Miss Evans!" said Sirius, enjoying the stares that the group of girls were sending his direction. "I seem to recall I got a thank you kiss from you the last time we met. Do I get another one?"

"Hi Evans," said James grinning at her without a hint of self-consciousness.

Lily stared at him, speechless. This was ridiculous. What was he doing, standing there with no top on, his tanned body more beautiful than she had predicted (hang on, since when had she predicted what his chest looked like? And that it would be beautiful? No, no, no!)? Why did she feel like kissing those bloody roguish lips and running her fingers through his annoying hair? What the hell was going on?

"Er, Evans, are you alright?" asked James, looking slightly concerned.

"What?" replied Lily, suddenly snapping to attention, and noticing a group of giggling fifth Years who were staring at the two boys through the window, from the platform, trying to attract their attention. "You two really are pathetic, you know that? Do you have to be the centre of attention at all costs? It's fine, we're leaving, you can go back to behaving like brainless bimbos, don't worry!"

She turned to leave, but Mary stopped her.

"No, Lily, it's fine here! The train is packed and I'm not risking ending up sharing with that bunch of Slytherins we passed earlier!"

She was staring at Sirius. In her mind, he looked like a Greek statue come to life, his grey eyes and marble skin like something out of this world. Sirius didn't fail to notice her look and smiled back cheekily.

"That's right, we were looking for ages too, I'm afraid you're stuck with us, Evans!" he said lightly.

"Fine!" muttered Lily, avoiding eye contact with either of them, as she sat down as far away from them as she could, and pulled out a few old copies of the Daily Prophet that her friends had kept for her.

"Fine!" said James darkly, pulling on his quidditch top. _Honestly, what the hell had he done wrong this time?_ He shook his head in annoyance.

"Great, I'm glad we're all on good terms again!" said Sirius smiling at the group, as Dorcas and Emmeline suppressed a giggle and rolled their eyes in Lily's direction.

"Great!" said Lily, grabbing the paper and shaking it open stiffly.

"Yeah, splendid!" said James scowling, and flicking his new Quidditch Press magazine aggressively.

Sirius stretched lazily and tried desperately not to laugh at them.

"I suppose I better stick some clothes on, seeing as Evans seems so offended by our torsos!" he said grinning wickedly.

Mary brought a hand to her mouth, laughing lightly at him, her caramel wavy hair dancing.

"If you must!" she said archly.

"I fear I have no choice!" replied Sirius sighing dramatically.

"Look, Sirius, I have no problem with you parading around naked if you so wish!" said Lily, feigning indifference.

Sirius shook his head seriously and proceeded to put on his school shirt, much to Mary's delight - watching him dress was so beautiful, she thought.

"So, Sirius," began Emmeline. "How was your summer?"

"Fine," replied James hurriedly, putting the magazine down quickly and glancing at Sirius.

Sirius shook his head.

"No point in pretending, Prongs, Reg will let everyone know by the time we reach Hogwarts. I had to leave home, Emma, due to a difference of opinion. Not the best summer. I'm living with the Potters now, which is way better than home ever was," he said, looking at James and Emmeline in turn.

Lily stuck her head out from behind the paper, a guilty flush on her cheeks.

"I'm really sorry, Sirius, I had no idea things were that bad," she said, biting her lower lip.

"No problem, Lily," replied Sirius kindly. "You couldn't have known."

He sat back with a brooding look on his face, staring out at the countryside flashing past.

James looked at him briefly. He wasn't sure what to say. Lily's comments had put him in a bad mood. Silence settled on the group.

"So it's okay for Sirius to walk around half naked, but if I do it, I'm somehow a massively big-headed git?" he suddenly said, startling Lily.

She stuck her head out again quickly, this time her cheeks pink with anger.

"Listen, Potter, when Sirius does these types of things he's always tongue in cheek, whereas when you do it…" she said tartly.

"When I do it, what, exactly?" asked James crossly, clenching his jaw, and narrowing his eyes dangerously. "You think I just… you really think I just stripped off to…"he finished, clearly fuming.

"Well clearly," began Lily.

"Aaargh!" said James, throwing his magazine on the ground in desperation. "I give up, Evans, I really do!"

"Fine," she replied, tight-lipped, flicking the newspaper back up abruptly.

"Fine," said James in a similar tone, picking up his magazine gruffly and flipping through it as though he were swatting a swarm of extremely irritating flies.

Sirius' eyes lit up, thoroughly distracted from his negative thoughts. He looked across at Mary, cocked his head in James and Lily's direction, and winked. Mary winked back gleefully.

For the first time in all the long and embarrassing failure that was the history of Prongs Pursuing Evans, he had made an astonishing discovery.

Evans fancied him back!

Please feel free to leave comments and to all who have so far: you are stars and I really love your comments!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Confession & Divination

It was with thus with unexpected chirpiness that Sirius alighted from the Hogwarts Express. His impulse control being what it was (negligible), he was dying to tell Remus and Peter about his wonderful discovery. However, he was pretty sure that was out of the question, so the whole thing was unbelievably infuriating. However, one piece of good fortune was that Mary Mac Donald seemed to have had a similar epiphany at exactly the same moment in time, and she was most definitely interested in discussing it with him. _Thank God for Mary, he thought._ She was easy to talk to, good fun, and she seemed to enjoy his company. It wasn't the same as having the Marauders, but it was something! They chatted easily as they walked into the Great Hall.

"Do you think Evans realises it?" Sirius asked Mary, stealing a covert look at the redhead who was sitting down at the Gryffindor table chatting with other 6th Years.

"Definitely not!" replied Mary excitedly. "She's completely clueless as far as I can tell! I've no idea how we're going to break it to her, or how she'll react. She's spent so long turning him down, I don't see how she's going to climb off her high horse and admit she likes him now."

"Good point, you girls are so fussy that way, can't ever admit you're wrong about things, especially to a bloke!"

Mary rolled her eyes at him.

"Tricky, very tricky!" said Sirius with a gleam in his eyes. "Not a word to anyone else, especially Evans, mind! Leave it to me, Mac Donald, I'll have to think up a brilliant scheme to help these star-crossed lovers get their act together. It obvious that left to their own devices the whole thing will be an utter disaster!"

"Deal!" replied Mary laughing heartily, as they joined their classmates just in time for Dumbledore's speech. "But for Merlin's sake, get Remus involved in the plan, unless you want to scupper your best mate's chances!"

"What?" said Sirius, incredulously. "I have no intention of asking Remus for help, unless I'm completely out of options, as a last resort!"

"Right," smirked Mary. "So when's that, tomorrow?"

…..

The 6th Years settled into their new classes and new subjects with relative ease. James was incredibly honoured to have been nominated Captain again for a second year in a row, he and Sirius were very busy with quidditch practice which helped to keep their minds off the continuing tension with Remus. They felt uncomfortable talking to Peter. It was clear that Peter himself felt very torn regarding where his loyalties lay, and James had decided that they should probably make it easier for him by leaving him and Remus alone as much as possible. James had tried to accost Remus on a number of occasions – after Charms, in the Library, at lunchtime. But each time Remus had dashed off, or muttered an excuse (a terrible excuse!) leaving James sighing with exasperation.

The situation was extremely awkward, and especially in their dormitory. Remus did his best to avoid the place unless he was either the first person in (and pretending to be asleep), or the last person in (tiptoeing to bed late at night). He wasn't happy about it. He felt wretched, in fact. But he was confused now as to where things stood. Sirius had never actually apologised to him, and that hurt him deeply, worse than he had expected. He had come to trust his friends so completely since they had accepted his condition, it made him feel ashamed and physically sick to consider that he might have been wrong to do so. He had kept in touch with Peter over the holidays, and he was so grateful to have had his support during that time. Peter hated writing letters, though, so his correspondence wasn't exactly regular. Or thrilling. If it wasn't for Lily he would have felt awfully lonely that summer. Lily had two excellent qualities as a friend in these circumstances. Firstly, she was a very entertaining and lively correspondent. And secondly, she was unfailingly kind and insightful, realising quickly that Remus could do with some major cheering up, and determined to succeed in this. As for James, Remus was confused and angry with himself for harbouring unkind feelings towards him. If it wasn't for him, the entire episode could have ended in tragedy, he knew all that on a logical level, but on another level, he was annoyed with James. Which made him feel guilty. Which made him avoid James.

After two weeks of putting up with this nonsense, Peter had had enough. He was waiting for Remus to finish packing his bag for classes one morning, when James walked into the dormitory unexpectedly.

"Oh, sorry," muttered James awkwardly, going to his bed and searching through his topsy-turvy bedside table. "I forgot my Divination book."

"Right!" said Peter decisively. "I'll leave you two to sort it out, for Merlin's sake! And for mine!"

James looked at him and nodded, and Peter heaved a sigh of relief and practically ran out of the room.

"I have tried to talk to you a good few times, Moony, since we got back," said James, sitting down on Peter's bed, opposite Remus, who looked a bit shell-shocked.

"I know," said Remus miserably, looking down at the floor.

"Look, Moony, I'm really sorry. I don't even know… I'm sorry. You obviously needed me to do something that I haven't done. Or say something that I haven't said. You know how thick I can be! I genuinely have no idea why you're not talking to me, which is driving me mad, because damn it, I should know!"

He was clearly distressed, his voice anxious and strained, leaning forwards towards Remus, both hands running through his hair.

"Don't," began Remus feeling a catch in his throat. It was two days before the full moon, he was dreading it, and he felt drained and useless.

"No Moony, I have to know!" said James urgently. "Please, just explain what I did wrong and I swear to you, I'll fix it, I'll make it up to you, I'll… just please let me apologise!"

"You haven't done anything wrong, James," said Remus quietly. James took it as a bad sign that he hadn't called him Prongs. He never used their nicknames when he was annoyed.

"is this about Pads then?" asked James, pacing in front of Remus and becoming increasingly agitated. "Damn it, Moony, you can't ask me to choose sides! He's been kicked out of his home, his fucking parents have disowned him, as well as subjecting him to shit… He's living with us now, I can't… you can't ask me to…"

He sat down heavily, momentarily quiet.

"Please, James, stop it!" said Remus hoarsely. He was very white, and he looked cold, trembling slightly and sitting up on his bed with his arms wrapped round his legs defensively.

"I'm the one who should be apologising," he said in a low voice. "I don't know what's wrong with me, James. Don't interrupt me, I need to say this! Ever since the incident with Snape, I've been angry with you. I can't even say it out loud it's so pathetic..."

Remus swallowed and took a deep breath to compose himself. James deserved to know.

"I was jealous of you, James. That sounds horrible, and I'm ashamed to admit it. When you saved Snape from me, I just thought - fuck, why can't I be him? Why do I have to be the one putting others in danger all the time? For once, why can't I be the brave one, the hero saving the day? It took me ages to figure this out, I couldn't understand why I felt so angry. I'm sorry..."

James stared at him dumbstruck for a few moments.

"You're taking the piss?" he said, shaking his head. "Anybody would have done that in my place! Are you telling me if you had been in my place, you wouldn't have run after Snape?"

Remus looked up briefly. He shook his head slowly.

"Exactly! And Sirius, if he had been in his right mind, don't you think he'd have run after him too?"

Remus nodded quickly. He was sure Sirius would have cursed Snape to hell, but would have saved him anyway.

"You're daft, Moony!" said James, coming to sit beside him on his bed. "The fact you had the guts to tell me this proves I'm right! We talk about you sometimes, when you're not there. Not trying to make you paranoid, mate, but we often talk about how brave you are. We, I, don't know how you do it - going through the pain of transforming every month, the fear of losing control, of hurting others. None of the rest of us could face it the way you do. You're nothing if not fucking heroic, Moony." James eyes were flaming with emotion as he spoke.

"You put up with all that, every month, and you do it calmly, stoically, and still manage to be a great friend. And a good natured, sarcastic bastard with a wickedly dry sense of humour. If that's not brave, then I don't know what your definition of courage is!"

Remus stared at him silently.

"And you think running after some twat as a once off is fucking heroic? You've lost the plot, Moony!" said James, throwing his head back and laughing. The sound filled the room and warmed Remus.

"I never view myself that way, ever," replied Remus, shrugging his shoulders and smiling slightly.

"You idiot! You're always underestimating yourself, and you're too bloody self- effacing!" said James smiling happily. "That's a good adjective, the type you'd use, Moony! It's frankly annoying, you're bloody eloquent as well as heroic - you make the rest of us look bad!"

Remus laughed out loud, and James noticed the smile reached his eyes, and was grateful for it.

"You're mad, Prongs," said Remus, sighing. He felt as though a large weight had been lifted off him. "I don't care what you think, what you guys do every month for me, the fact you risk Azkaban to help me, you coming up with the plan to become animagi and the others agreeing - not many people would do that!"

James shrugged. "that's no big deal, anyone else would have done the same in our stead!"

Remus smiled. For all his friend's talk, he knew that James was minimizing what he and the others had done for him.

"I'm glad we talked, Prongs," he said with sincerity.

"Same! And Padfoot, well, he said he would talk to you, he feels dreadful about what happened, but he needs to say it himself..."

"Yeah, he does," said Remus. "You better hurry if you're going to make Divination! I've got Study of Ancient Runes and it doesn't start for another ten minutes."

"Swot!" said James. "No idea how you understand a single bit of that subject!"

"Says the dork who came joint top of the class last year," replied Remus dryly.

James glanced at his watch. He was already five minutes late, and he had a new teacher this year. As it was the first lesson of the new school year, Professor Malum would undoubtedly take a roll call and notice his absence. He ran the whole way from his dormitory, up the spiral staircase of the North Tower and into the Divination classroom. A tall, angular woman in her thirties, wearing dangerously high stiletto heels stood talking to the class when he burst in. She looked haughty, with an expensive set of black robes, and ostentatious jewellery in the form of large diamond earrings which were so heavy they pulled her earlobes downwards to an alarming degree.

"Oh I see, you deigned us with your presence eventually? And who might you be?"

James turned to face the new teacher.

"Sorry Professor, James Potter," replied James looking flustered and out of breath.

A fleeting look of recognition on her face for a split second, eyes widened with emotion, and then it was gone.

"Do you have a reason for being so late?" she asked snootily, surveying him with a disapproving look. He did look a bit of a mess, with his untidy hair, tie to one side, over-stuffed bag.

"Eh... I got a bit lost on the way?" he said tentatively. He certainly wasn't going to tell her the real reason for the delay.

"That's not good enough," she replied, making a disapproving noise in her throat. "Fifty points from Gryffindor and detention for a month, starting tomorrow. Sit down, Mr. Potter."

The whole class gasped, followed by mutinous muttering from most of the pupils and gleeful giggles from one or two. James stared at her in disbelief. Fifty points and a month's worth of detention? That was the usual punishment for major rule breaking, not being late to class. He opened his mouth to protest and saw Sirius' face. His friend looked like he was about to explode.

"Ok, fine, sorry," he said stiffly and looked around for a spare seat.

Mary had slipped in quietly beside Sirius, winking at him, meaning the only spare seat was beside Lily. James clenched his jaw as he made his way towards her. _Please God she doesn't start berating me about something or I'm going to lose it, he thought miserably_. Lily smiled up at him briefly as he sat down.

"That was very unfair of her!" she whispered to him. "There's no way you deserved that treatment."

"Thanks," said James, shooting her a grateful smile, as he quickly got out his Divination textbook.

"Now class, what did I say is the one essential thing you must remember to do before you start this exercise?"

She turned to James.

"Potter?"

"I wasn't here for the start of the class, Professor," began James.

"I expect every one of you to have read up on each chapter before class. That is unacceptable. I'm afraid that will mean an additional fifty points from Gryffindor," said Professor Malum pursing her thin violet lips in distaste.

The entire class gasped. Even the vast majority of the Slytherins felt this was a step too far.

"That's grossly unfair, Professor!" burst out Lily, glaring at her new teacher. "There's no way Potter deserves that, and you know it!"

Professor Malum stared at her in surprise.

"I've no idea who you are, a Weasley no doubt," she said, making it clear that she was far from impressed with that family. "But I do not take kindly to students telling me how to run my class. One more outburst like that and I'll take one hundred points from your House, understood?"

"I don't-" began Lily hotly.

"That's it!" said Sirius loudly, slammed his book shut, causing the entire class and teacher to jump.

"I'm afraid I have to leave immediately. It's a medical emergency. I'm under strict orders from Professor Mc Gonagall to come and find her immediately when this happens, to avert a crisis. Much though I would love to continue listening to this boll-"

James coughed loudly and Sirius caught his eye and stopped himself.

"Mr...?" said Professor Malum lamely, confused by the turn of events.

"Black," replied Sirius in a dangerous tone.

He could see her looking worried as she mentally tried to place him within his family tree.

"Yes, Professor, I'll see myself out. I think it's an allergic reaction to something in this room," he said, narrowing his eyes as he continued glaring at her.

He was crushing his belongings so tightly that he'd probably need to replace all his parchments. If he didn't exit the room within the next ten seconds, he was either going to throw a heavy book at her or send a furunculus hex her way that would make Mulciber's face in second year look positively pretty in comparison. He slammed the door behind him, and limited himself to a string of curses that could be heard by the entire class as he ran down the stairs.

"We should focus on a single happy childhood memory, which we can recall in great detail and which must include landscape and people," said Lily quietly, making sure that James knew what the task was, so he could avoid losing more points.

"Quiet!" said Professor Malum sharply, walking to the top of the classroom. "Begin!"

Lily screwed up her face in concentration as she stared at the crystal ball. What memory should she choose? Maybe somewhere in Connemara? It was very difficult to focus on her work when she kept glancing surreptitiously at James. He had a goofy grin on his face, and he seemed entranced by his memory, tracing his thumb along the surface of the sphere. He looked adorable. _Yes, fine, he looks adorable, I'll admit it, he is adorable, happy now? she told herself crossly._ She looked back at her own orb, and saw a hazy black and white picture forming. She peered closer. It looked like the corner of a beach, with white sand and large grey rocks, with two sets of feet, standing intertwined, one pale and one tanned. She was pretty sure that the smaller, paler ones were hers, but she had no idea what this memory was. She sighed in annoyance as they scene began to fade slightly, it was supposed to be a coloured memory, not a sepia one.

James was staring intently at his memory, although he had been focusing purely on Lily Evans instead of thinking about his childhood. A clear scene appeared on his globe – two children, a boy aged around four and a girl aged around two. The boy had wild dark hair and glasses, he looked happy and confident. James immediately presumed it was him. He was holding the little girl's hand and patting the top of her head gently. The girl had a mass of very tight curls, which seemed to be growing outwards, and wide dimples, she was laughing so hard that her eyes were shut. The boy was mimicking throwing up as he looked at the two adults in the background. James thought she was the cutest thing he had ever laid eyes on. Was it Evans, aged two? The girl had picked a poppy and placed it gently on the boy's hair, smiling sweetly. He saw the adults come into focus and the picture began to infuse with colour. They looked strangely familiar to him, the woman's slender figure, her long wavy curls, arms wrapped round the man's neck, a look of pure happiness on her shining face, pulling him in for a long kiss. The man, with his untidy hair, glasses, laughing and teasing her softly… hang on, that was definitely Evans and him, in the future, in their twenties. They were in Tuscany, in springtime, he recognised the exact field, now filled with wildflowers and with the lone cypress tree. His heart skipped a beat. The boy had Lily's green eyes and the girl his hazel eyes and her mother's auburn hair. They were together, they had a family. As he watched, the scene faded, and a new one took its place. The little boy appeared on his own. He looked sadder and thinner, and his clothes seemed too big for him, as he sat in a corner of a bland house somewhere in England. James frowned, what had happened, had they become poor? Was he unable to provide for his family? His heart beat anxiously at the thought.

"No!" he let out a shout and stood up suddenly, dismayed by what he had seen in the orb, his chair toppling backwards and landing on the floor with a loud bang.

"Mr. Potter!" exclaimed Professor Malum sharply.

Almost in slow motion, James watched as the orb fell from his grasp, and bounced onto the floor with a loud crash, careering towards the Slytherin side of the room. Within a split second, Snape had jumped out of his seat and neatly caught it in his extended hands. With a look of vindictive malice, he looked at James and smiled.

"What dreadful memory is this then? Was your childhood not all sweetness and light, Potter?"

He bent down to peer inside the crystal ball.


	8. Chapter 8: Suspicions and Absolution

Chapter 8: Suspicions & Absolution

"Severus, don't!" said James, white-faced. "Trust me, you don't want to see that!"

It was a mixture of warning and pleading.

"Trust you?" Severus scoffed, bringing his dark eyes back to the crystal. "Why would I ever trust _you_?"

An involuntary hiss escaped his lips as he drew a sharp intake of breath, and practically dropped the globe, at the same time as Lily flew down the classroom towards him.

"Severus Snape, give me that orb immediately, or I will wrestle it off you!" she stormed.

The shock of the vision he had seen was still vivid in his mind as he stared at her. Severus considered keeping the orb momentarily, visions of tangled limbs teasing him, until he came to the inevitable conclusion – she would win, and he would look like an idiot. And he did not take kindly to being laughed at.

He handed her the object with a superficially sullen look, but Lily read fear and concern in his eyes. _What on earth had they seen, she wondered, what sort of memory was it that engendered fear in both James and Severus?_

"Keep your hands away from things that don't belong to you!" she said tersely, and strode back towards her desk, polishing the orb in her robes as she went.

"One moment, Weasley!" Professor Malum's icy voice cut through the whispers that had broken out. "Give that ball to me at once!"

Lily continued walking as though oblivious to the sound and handed the orb to James.

"How dare you, young woman!" shouted the Divination Professor, who was livid and now stood inches away from Lily.

"Were you talking to me?" Lily replied coolly. "Only my name is Evans, not Weasley."

"Evans?" said Professor Malum in a stunned voice.

"Yes, Evans," said Lily, unruffled.

"As in muggleborn Evans?" asked the new professor with a strange look in her eyes.

"I've no idea why you would ask me that. Let me make it quite clear, Professor – I am under instructions to report any anti-muggle sentiments or differential treatment that I observe straight to Professor Dumbledore. Should I report you?"

She didn't look angry, James thought, as he looked at her admiringly. She just looked steadfast and immovable, like a lighthouse withstanding a storm. Like Remus when he stood his ground about something important, and you knew you might as well call it a day, because he wasn't going to be turned.

"What? No, not at all, a simple query, no need to answer that, Miss Evans!" said the new Professor with a tinge of anxiety. "I think that is quite enough excitement for one day. Class dismissed."

She hurried out, tottering on her spindle heels, which could be heard clattering the whole way down the North Tower.

As soon as the door clicked shut, cheers and whooping exploded in the 6th Year classroom.

"Lily Evans, you were bloody marvellous!" exclaimed Dorcas, clapping her on the back enthusiastically as Mary and Emmeline high-fived each other with glee.

"Impressive, Evans!" smiled James, looking up at Lily. His face was so expressive, she couldn't miss the adoration that lit his features. He looked tired and care-worn, though, she thought.

Lily shrugged bashfully.

"I made that up, actually, Dumbledore told me no such thing, but I thought it might put the wind up her!"

"Good thinking!" said Mary, laughing mischievously.

James and Lily continued looking at each other, as the others began filing past them, discussing the new teacher and the incident excitedly.

"Thank you," said James smiling again.

"You're welcome," said Lily blushing slightly. "I have no idea what is wrong with that woman, but she was completely out of order. I rubbed the orb to wipe any remaining traces of the memory in case she grabbed it off me. I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough to stop Snape looking at it."

"It's fine," began James, stopping short as he spotted Snape standing in front of them. Severus' pale face was tense, his thin arms poking out of his worn uniform were fidgeting with his sleeve buttons. He always managed to look uncomfortable in his own skin.

"A word, Lily," said Severus stiffly.

"I don't really want to speak with you, Severus," said Lily, looking ill at ease.

Severus struggled internally for a few moments, unsuccessfully.

"Since when are you Potter's best friend?" he demanded angrily. "Standing up for him? Running off to catch his toy? It's pathetic, Lily, pitiable. I thought you hated him! You've always detested him!"

"Please go away, Severus," repeated Lily, her voice shaking slightly.

James stood up, close beside her. He had grown even taller over the summer.

"You heard what she said, Snape," he said levelly, attempting to stop the fury spilling into his voice.

"What are you? Her side-kick? Is she some sort of plaything that you'll tire of as soon as she says yes?" said Snape curling his lip. He had never hated James Potter more than at this moment.

"Her friend," said James, fisting his hands. He was a short step away from punching the living daylights off him.

Severus laughed bitterly.

"Yes, my friend," continued Lily. "And it's none of your business who I chose to be friends with now."

Severus looked taken aback.

"Lily," he began forcefully, then stopped. This was not the way the conversation should have progressed. He wanted to talk to her, make sure she was alright, reassure himself that the thing he had seen in the orb was fictitious.

"Get out!" said James furiously, his wand was out and his left hand unsteady as he aimed it at Severus.

Severus looked momentarily scared before composing himself.

"Stay away from him, Lily, he's bad news for you!" Severus said, looking at James with derision as he spoke, before turning on his heels and disappearing down the stairs.

"That was a bit harsh!" said Lily, watching James with a concerned look on her face.

"I should have sent him to St. Mungo's!" said James bitterly.

"What was it, the thing you saw?" she asked him quietly.

James shuddered suddenly.

"It was nothing, it wasn't a memory, it was.. I saw Death Eaters. Gave me a bit of a fright, that's all."

"Gave Snape a fright too," replied Lily studying his face.

"It damned well should have!" said James darkly. "Let's get out of here."

They walked quietly down the stairs together.

"So, we're friends now, eh?" asked Lily after a while, smiling up at him.

"Yeah, I'd like to hope we are, or can be?" said James hopefully, looking into her large, vivid eyes.

"I think so," said Lily, noticing her pulse racing and the butterflies in her stomach when she looked at him.

…

James re-read the letter before tying it to his owl, Jerome, and waving him off with a tasty treat and a cuddle.

Mr. Monty Potter

Laurelmere House

Sussex

Dear Dad,

Hope you and mum are well and that you survived the boredom of the St. Mungo's charity ball- sounded extremely painful! School's going ok so far. You'll be pleased to hear Sirius has been on his best behaviour despite some very annoying situations, and I think he'd be chuffed if you owled him about it, to boost his morale. Remus and I are back talking. About bloody time, relieved that's sorted. Quidditch is going well, we've a great team, but so do the Hufflepuffs this year, so it's going to be close, I'd say. I'm driving the team mad already with extra training, but I don't care!

We have a new teacher for Divination. She's a bit of a battle-axe. I'm just wondering if you happen to know her- name's Claudia Malum. Must be early thirties, pale blonde, tall and thin, wears loads of diamonds. Got on the wrong side of her after coming in late. If so, can you let me know? Don't tell Mum. Also, can you send some treats for us by owl? (if you're stuck for ideas, sticky toffee pudding?) We're starving, despite raiding the kitchens regularly (fine, daily!). Don't tell Mum!

Talk soon.

Miss you both,

James

…

Leaving the Owlery in the West Tower, he made his way decisively towards Mc Gonagall's office. He needed to talk to someone about what had happened in Divination. There was no way he could ask Malum. He briefly considered talking to Remus. With his thoughtful and measured reactions, he would have been the ideal confidante in this situation, but it was nearly full moon, and he hated putting extra pressures on him. He correctly guessed if he told Sirius or Peter, their reaction would be unproductive, and he would end up having to restrain the former or reassure the latter, instead of deciding what to do. _He had to do something, he thought, agitation running through him_. He had a feeling that it was up to him, him alone, to sort everything out from now on, ever since the incident with Snape at the end of 5th Year. He felt weighed down with responsibility, older than his years. He practically laughed out loud. Since when was he the responsible one? He needed someone who would listen calmly, without becoming overwhelmed, and who might be able to help him figure it out. There were only two teachers he trusted completely. Dumbledore was too busy these days, so it was definitely going to be Minnie. The door to her office was slightly ajar. He peered in. Sirius was lying on the ground, with his legs up against the wall. He looked like someone in a muggle poster. Mc Gonagall was sitting at her desk talking to him.

"This is ridiculous, Prof!" growled Sirius. "I do not feel like bloody well lying down. I feel like kicking the shit out of that-"

"Language, Sirius Black!" she replied briskly.

"Sorry!" Sirius regarded her with interest. "Why do you always call me that, I mean, why not just Black?"

A kind look momentarily graced Minerva's features.

"Well, you don't like it when people call you Mr. Black."

Sirius smiled.

"You're dead right I don't! I'd love to be rid of that damned name."

"Now Sirius," she continued. "We've established that lying down calms you. Aside from kicking, you mentioned punching. Your hands are still very clenched. Shake your hands out vigorously, please!"

Sirius huffed but complied.

"And pretend you're stretching, your shoulders are very tense!"

"This is really weird, Professor! I mean it's so weird, it's actually working!" said Sirius, sighing exaggeratedly, with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Hmm, well in that case, keep it up, Sirius! And now distract yourself, I usually find trying to remember the scores for the latest Quidditch league matches works for me," she said, watching Sirius with a motherly expression on her usually stern face.

James smiled to himself and knocked on the door.

"Excuse me, Minnie, would you have a minute?"

"Professor to you, Mr. Potter!" she said in her normal no- nonsense voice, eying him shrewdly.

"Yeah, that! It's kind of important…" his voice trailed off.

Sirius seemed to put two and two together and got up quickly.

"Thanks for your help, Prof! You were bloody marvellous!" he said to Minerva, with a grateful look, as he hurried out.

" _Keep Calm and Carry On_ , Sirius Black, don't forget the muggle advice I gave you!" she called after him, before turning back to James who stood tensely beside her.

"Mr. Potter, what do you need help with?" she asked curiously.

"I'm not sure," he replied honestly. "Do you know much about Divination?"

Mc Gonagall shook her head.

"Not much, but I know a bit."

James nodded, running his hand through his hair.

"In class earlier with Professor Malum, I saw... that is, we were supposed to see a memory, but I messed it up, and I saw the future, I think, but I don't know if it was real. It was good and bad, Professor. Very good and very bad, if you get me?"

Mc Gonagall frowned. She read his anxiety and fear. It was most unlike James.

"Sit down, James," she said. "Tell me what you saw."

James nodded and sat down. He opened his mouth and closed it. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I can't, Professor," he whispered after a pause. "I'll draw it, if that's alright?"

Mc Gonagall murmured her agreement, watching his drawn features as he rapidly began drawing with confident strokes.

"This is the first bit, the good part," he said, after some time. She took the sketches from him wordlessly when he finally put the quill down.

"These are stunning, James! You could be an artist!" she said with real surprise and admiration.

"Nah, I just like doodling," he brushed it off, looking decidedly embarrassed as he saw Minerva smile with recognition at the figures in his pictures.

 _I need to increase my bet regarding Evans and Potter, she thought with amusement._

Reluctantly he handed over the last remaining sketch.

Minerva Mc Gonagall studied it closely without betraying any emotion.

"So, a group of Death Eaters, who appear to have captured Lily Evans, in an unidentified location?" she said quietly after some time.

James nodded wordlessly. _More than just captured,_ he felt like screaming out.

"Did you recognise any of the Death Eaters?" she asked grimly.

James paused. What was he supposed to say _? I think that two of them look a bit like Mulciber and Villiers, Professor, and one of them I'm pretty convinced is Severus fucking Snape, but I'm not sure?_ He couldn't name them without being completely sure, that was unfair. Not chivalrous. He wished fervently that he hadn't panicked when he saw the scene, so he could have analysed the faces more thoroughly. As things stood, he was going to have to make a massive effort to avoid Snape at all costs if he didn't want to get himself expelled.

"I freaked, Professor, I shouldn't have, I should have looked at it carefully instead of dropping the- "he began hoarsely.

"James, don't be so hard on yourself," she ordered him. "You panicked, I would have panicked too if the vision was about someone I cared for."

James nodded miserably.

"Do you recognise this room? Your eye for recalling details is excellent, James," she said calmly.

"No, I have no idea where that is, do you, Professor?" he replied in a low voice.

"No, not at the moment," she said steadily. "Can you leave it with me, so I can show it to Professor Dumbledore?"

He nodded again.

"Professor, what does it mean?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said, rubbing her eyes. "I won't lie to you, James. I need to discuss this with a friend of mine I haven't spoken to in a long time. She's very eccentric, but she is reportedly an expert in the area. I understand from what Sirius told me that asking Professor Malum is out? You did not make a good first impression?"

"Professor, she was bloody well unfair!" he started angrily.

"James, I heard," she reassured him.

"I know I can be a right pain in the arse sometimes, but that was… " James said, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the door.

Mc Gonagall pursed her lips, suppressing a smile.

"Trust me, Mr. Potter, I know exactly how irritating you can get! Now leave this with me, it may take some time to figure it out. Go practice some quidditch, I don't want us losing to that Hufflepuff team, if at all possible!"

"Thanks, Professor!" he said, smiling more convincingly. "I knew I could count on you!"

As soon as he had turned his back to her, Minerva's face darkened considerably as she surveyed the sketches once more. She needed help.

….

The remainder of the week passed off without incident. James and Peter transformed with Remus for his first full moon since the start of the school year. James was assigned detention with Filch for the first two weeks, which at any rate was better than detention with Malum, and he managed to keep his grumbling to a minimum. Sirius, however, was under mounting pressure from James (and less so from Peter) to sort out his apology to Remus _. I can't avoid it forever, he told himself crossly, if the worst comes to the worst, he doesn't forgive me, and I've lost Moony as a friend._ But that thought made him panic. Damn it, it was unthinkable! Unbearable, truth be told. He hated to admit it, but deep down he knew he would be devastated if that happened. Maybe he could just keep avoiding the situation and hope it miraculously went away, sorted itself out, or Remus decided to forgive him? He knew that he was being unfair to his friend, who deserved an apology, who had every right to be incensed by his betrayal, and every right to refuse to forgive him. Still, avoidance was the easiest coping strategy, he used it all the time in relation to his schoolwork, and he usually got away with it.

The trouble was, every time he so much as laid eyes on Remus, he felt horrendously guilty (and close to tears, which was abnormal, and embarrassing, and completely not on). He had gotten to the stage of practically walking out every time Remus entered a room and sitting as far away from him as physically possible during classes.

The following Friday after classes ended, his head busy with quidditch schedules and weighing up the risks of scooting into Hogsmeade for Firewhisky supplies, he turned the corner and walked smack-bang into Remus, causing the other boy's books and quills to crash to the floor in disarray.

"Shit! Sorry," he said, momentarily rooted to the spot, as he watched Remus clench his jaw and sigh, bending down to collect his things. He dropped to the floor himself, hastily picking up scattered textbooks and cursing quietly. He held out his arms to hand them over to Remus and felt his disappointed gaze piercing him. It was overwhelming, being so close to Remus, he was going to die from shame. Anything was better than this feeling.

They both stood up, Remus staring at him for a moment, as if giving him the chance to repair things. He stared back, noticing Remus' expression. He had the same pained look as the day after a full moon, only this time he was the cause of the pain.

Remus sighed again, resigned to the impasse, and turned to walk away.

"Wait!" called Sirius immediately.

"Well?" asked Remus, regarding him impassively.

Sirius wished he could tell what Remus was thinking.

"Fuck it!" he said, impulsively, getting down on his knees in front of Remus.

Remus' eyes widened considerably.

"What the hell?" he asked crossly. He had no time for this bullshit.

"Look," said Sirius feeling an overwhelming relief. "You know me, I don't do begging, but I am begging you now. I'm asking for your forgiveness, which I know I don't merit. I am sorry, for the biggest screw up in the history of screw ups. You didn't deserve it."

Remus continued staring at him silently. _Was he taking the piss? And would he for Merlin's sake get the hell up off the floor so as not to embarrass himself?_

"Sirius, you idiot, get up and stop fooling around!" he said sternly.

"I'm not joking, Moony," said Sirius with a hint of a smile. _Honestly, was it that unthinkable that he should be apologising like this? Yeah, probably was_. "And I am not standing up until you're ready to forgive me, if I have to stay here for the whole weekend, week, month, year- I reckon I deserve to be here at least a few weeks!"

Remus' eyes glinted suspiciously. He glanced up and saw a group of Ravenclaws approaching.

"Fuck's sake, Sirius, get up, you're embarrassing!" he hissed.

"Why? Do I look like I'm proposing? I don't care what anyone else thinks, Moony! They can laugh at me all they want. I only care what you think! I've been a bastard and I know it, and I need you to see I mean every single word I say." His voice trailed off, but he continued looking at Remus, steadily and relentlessly with those fathomless grey eyes.

"Are you trying to blackmail me, Sirius Black?" asked Remus, bristling with annoyance.

Sirius stared at him.

"What on earth? How is this blackmail?" Sirius scowled, looking genuinely perplexed.

"Oh for Heaven's sake!" said Remus, looking at him incredulously. "Why do you always have to be such a twat? I hate you, you know that? You drive me mad!"


	9. Chapter 9: Poison and Dance

_Remus' eyes widened considerably._

 _"What the hell?" he asked crossly. He had no time for this bullshit._

 _"Look," said Sirius feeling an overwhelming relief. "You know me, I don't do begging, but I am begging you now. I'm asking for your forgiveness, which I know I don't merit. I am sorry, for the biggest screw up in the history of screw ups. You didn't deserve it."_

 _Remus continued staring at him silently. Was he taking the piss? And would he for Merlin's sake get the hell up off the floor so as not to embarrass himself?_

 _"Sirius, you idiot, get up and stop fooling around!" he said sternly._

 _"I'm not joking, Moony," said Sirius with a hint of a smile. Honestly, was it that unthinkable that he should be apologising like this? Yeah, probably was. "And I am not standing up until you're ready to forgive me, if I have to stay here for the whole weekend, week, month, year- I reckon I deserve to be here at least a few weeks!"_

 _Remus' eyes glinted suspiciously. He glanced up and saw a group of Ravenclaws approaching._

 _"Fuck's sake, Sirius, get up, you're embarrassing!" he hissed._

 _"Why? Do I look like I'm proposing? I don't care what anyone else thinks, Moony! They can laugh at me all they want. I only care what you think! I've been a bastard and I know it, and I need you to see I mean every single word I say." His voice trailed off, but he continued looking at Remus, steadily and relentlessly with those fathomless grey eyes._

 _"Are you trying to blackmail me, Sirius Black?" asked Remus, bristling with annoyance._

 _Sirius stared at him._

 _"What on earth? How is this blackmail?" Sirius scowled, looking genuinely perplexed._

 _"Oh for Heaven's sake!" said Remus, looking at him incredulously. "Why do you always have to be such a twat? I hate you, you know that? You drive me mad!"_

Chapter 9: Poison & Dance

There was a hint, the merest hint, of warmth in his tone.

Sirius was going to drive him mad alright, he couldn't stand seeing his friend on his knees like that, even if they had been alone, and definitely not when that crowd of intellectual plonkers was making its way closer to them. Nobody was going to humiliate Sirius – not even (especially) Sirius himself, not if he could help it. He couldn't stand it, he wanted to shake him and throttle him and…

"Get up, now!" he commanded sternly.

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Get up and I'll forgive you, you bastard!" said Remus flatly.

"Oh!" said Sirius, shock written all over his face.

Remus pulled him up strongly, just as the group of students walked past, eying them with confusion.

They stood looking at each other in silence for a few moments.

"Right," said Remus grimly. "If you ever pull another stunt like that again, you're dead, understood?"

Sirius nodded, unable to stop the grin that lit his face.

"Solemnly swear! You won't regret this, I won't let you down ever again, Moony!" he said sincerely.

"You're doing every one of my turns to Hogsmeade for party supplies for the rest of the year," Remus stated matter-of-factly.

"Fair enough," agreed Sirius happily, unable to believe his good fortune.

"And I may ask you for other favours which I haven't thought of yet, seeing as you didn't give me the chance to prepare myself," continued Remus, arms crossed.

Sirius laughed, he had a tingling feeling in his stomach.

"Fine, Moony, your wish is my command!" he said with a wink.

Remus rolled his eyes and then spontaneously reached out and hugged him. He usually didn't feel particularly comfortable with physical affection towards Sirius.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"I'm so sorry, I was such a coward, I was terrified I'd lost you!" whispered Sirius.

Sirius squeezed the other boy to within an inch of his life, until Remus objected.

"Oi, geroff!" he said, pretending to be cross.

Sirius shook his head and smiled at Remus again. He felt too emotional to risk speaking. They continued quietly towards Gryffindor Tower, and climbed the winding mahogany staircase to the dormitories. As soon as they walked in, smiling sheepishly, Peter and James started talking simultaneously.

"About bloody time, Padfoot!"

"Thanks be to Merlin, this calls for a celebration!"

Suddenly they were all grinning mischievously.

"Let's throw a party!" said James.

"Let's prank those Slytherins!" said Sirius.

"Let's get some Firewhisky!" said Peter.

Remus quirked a brow.

"Let's do them all!".

"And those foolish teachers think that you try to control our behaviour, Moony! If they could hear you now!" chuckled James, grinning from ear to ear. This was more like it- fun, marauding and to hell with responsibilities!

With typical efficiency and intelligence, the plans for all three projects were completed within about five minutes, most of the intricate strategies being essentially Remus' handiwork.

"Right," said James briskly, always the assumed leader in these antics. "Wormy- you're on Firewhisky duty, take the map and transform if necessary, but without dropping any alcohol! Pads and I will tackle the Slytherin Dorms. Remus, you get the easy job today, rousing the hoards so we have guests, food and music to beat the band!"

They had made it down quietly as far as the turnoff for the One-Eyed Witch Passage, when Peter suddenly gasped.

"Shit, Prongs" he whispered fearfully. "You're meant to be in detention, you twat!"

"Oh bollox!" groaned James forcefully. He stopped momentarily, ideas racing through his head. "It's fine, change of plan. Pads, go back and get Remus to help you, I'll be finished well before the party anyway. I'll just leg it over to Filch's…" he stopped uncertainly.

Come to think of it, his two weeks' detention with Filch had finished yesterday and Malum had never told him what the next part of his month-long detention consisted of. Or where to go. He reckoned his best bet was to go to her office, and he was late. Again.

Swearing under his breath, he raced up the stairs as fast as he could, momentarily collecting his breath outside her office before knocking with forced confidence.

"Come in," Professor Malum sounded displeased.

James entered warily. The office was filled with various paraphernalia which screamed money. A cushion by Bastable's, the most expensive Wizarding Designer in the whole of England. A solid gold photo frame (empty though, James noted) from Yiqin Yin's collection, probably the most luxurious in the world. A tapestry from the Unicorn Collection, one of the oldest and most sought after in existence. James' mouth hung open at the opulence.

"Yes, I doubt even _your_ parents can afford such luxuries, Potter," Malum smirked condescendingly, her hoop diamond earrings jingling. "The twin of that tapestry hangs in the Ministry of Magic."

James said nothing. Wherever the money was from, she was minted, he thought.

"You're late. Clearly your lack of respect is an ongoing issue, not a once off," she continued, tut-tutting with her tongue.

James looked bored, he really wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of appearing like he gave a toss.

"Dungeon corridor, room ten," she said blackly. "Follow me."

It was dark and gloomy in the room, much like the rest of the corridor. It smelt strange too. He looked around in confusion, he didn't recall ever being in that room before. It was always locked. There were a few small glass tanks filled with earth, on top of the desks scattered around the edge of the room. Maybe he was supposed to plant something? He hadn't expected Malum to like herbology, and certainly not to want to get those long, pointed violet nails dirty.

He looked at Malum expectantly. She was smiling widely, which was frankly disconcerting.

"Just for today's detention, I'd like you to extract all the Venenosi Worms out of those pots."

James nodded.

"So, poisonous worms?" he said nonchalantly, leaning against the desk in what he hoped was an infuriatingly confident manner.

"What?" she asked, clearly surprised and annoyed.

"Latin," he said shrugging. "I'm rather good at it."

He saw her eyes narrow furiously.

"Yes," she hissed back. "Poisonous but very useful. Madam Pomfrey has asked me to obtain some of their poison for her, it is an antidote to acromantula venom."

That didn't even make sense, thought James, unless Poppy was getting it for Hagrid? Hagrid was fond of the creatures in the forbidden forest, which the Marauders knew quite a lot about! He'd have to ask him.

James shrugged casually.

"Fair enough, anything else vaguely relevant that I should know before I handle these worms, aside from the fact they're poisonous?"

Malum looked like she wanted to snap his head off.

"Well, you might want to know that you can only catch them with your fingers, any attempts to use other objects doesn't work, including gloves."

James smiled back charmingly.

"And by the way, Potter, detention for an additional month for being late again, two hours every evening, including weekends" she said, smiling again.

"Alright," replied James. Fuck her. There was no way in hell he was giving her the satisfaction of seeing him rail against something that he had no power to change.

James sighed inwardly with annoyance as he looked around the classroom - there were no implements, tools, no bucket. He looked at his watch. Time was ticking, and he had better places to be.

To hell with it, he thought grimly, sticking his hand into the pot nearest to him and rummaging around to see if he could feel anything worm-like.

"Arrrgh! Fucking, bloody hell!" he yelled as he felt deep teeth sink into his left index finger. He pulled it out as fast as possible, to reveal a greyish-yellow slimy worm about two inches long attached to it. Using his right hand, he tried to prize the worm off his finger, not an easy task to accomplish using one hand, especially as he was left handed. The creature's teeth were abnormally long, four of them about half an inch in length. Ugh, they were literally piercing the top of his finger! Having tried to get it off by bashing it off the table (to no avail), he turned to Malum.

"I don't suppose you could offer some useful advice as to how I get this goddam thing off?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"Afraid not, Potter," said Malum, faking a glum look. "I'm terribly sorry but I've momentarily forgotten what you need to do. Oops!"

"Of course you have, how silly of me," muttered James, biting his lower lip to stop himself from yelling again.

"We both know I'm not going to help you, even though I'll deny ever having this conversation with you, Potter. We both know I hate you, and that this detention is highly enjoyable and entertaining as far as I'm concerned," she said quietly, smiling in a way that James could only describe as sadistic. "And of course, if any teachers ask me what happened, I'll just explain that you refused to listen to my advice… everyone knows you don't like me and have a short temper, isn't that right, Potter?"

James was astounded that he managed to restrain himself from hexing the woman into oblivion at that point. He decided to avoid eye contact and focus all his attention away from her. "Focus, Potter, focus! On task!" he heard Mc Gonagall's stern voice in his head. Being an Animagus, he had acquired a rather unusual capacity of understanding animal behaviour, by human standards at any rate. Within about another minute, he had found that by stroking the underside of the worm was it possible to loosen the grip enough to be able to pull out the teeth.

He glanced at Malum with grim satisfaction as he saw the disappointment written all over her face.

"Off you go, Potter, no dawdling! I need this done within the next twenty minutes or else, most unfortunately for you, you shall obtain additional detention," she said silkily, as she swept out of the dungeon with a clink of heavy gold bangles.

It was a massive relief to be rid of her. Reluctant though he was to stick his hand back in, at least he now knew what to expect and what to do. Steeling himself, he stuck his right hand in this time, biting the inside of his mouth. After some minutes, he has counted five worms in total and none left in the first pot. With a quick scan he figured he had twelve pots to go, sixty worms to collect. Staring at his hands, he shook his head.

"No way!" he muttered grimly.

Surely there had to be another way? He had tried to use a stick and transfigure a small piece of chalk into a trowel, but to no avail. Perhaps she was right, perhaps it had to be human fingers. But what if he did use a finger?

His gaze fell onto a lipstick tube on the ground near the door. He opened it gingerly and made a disgusted face as he spotted the violet shade – definitely Malum's. He grinned wickedly. He was the best at transfiguration in the class, after all. Murmuring complicated spells for the next ten minutes, he smiled victoriously as the violet lipstick was replaced by a startingly realistic finger.

"Fingers crossed!" he chuckled to himself, as holding onto the plastic lipstick container, he stuck the finger into the second pot, and immediately felt a pull on his hand.

"Bingo!" he said, eyes twinkling with delight. Within the next ten minutes he had removed all the poisonous worms without a single bite. He looked at his watch again. She hadn't told him to stay if he was finished and he couldn't stand having to talk to her again tonight. He dropped the lipstick tube once more by the door, and nimbly raced up out of the musty dungeons until he made it back to their dormitory, where Remus was lounging on his bed reading a book.

"What the…" said Remus horrified, as James filled him in briefly on the evening's events. "She's a dangerous bitch," he began heatedly.

"How dare you call me a bitch, Mr. Lupin!" Malum's sneering tone made James and Remus jump with fright.

Peter and Sirius stood behind them, doubled over with laughter.

"Bastards!" shouted Remus, as he and James pummelled them both vigorously with their pillows. "You are so good at acting, Wormy, it's unreal! That voice was perfect, you gave me a heart attack!"

Peter continued laughing heartily, energised by the compliment.

"Frightfully sorry you missed the pranking, Prongs!" said Sirius slapping James' shoulder. "It's ok, we've placed a delaying spell on it, so it won't be activated till breakfast time! So, no horrendous hangovers, chaps, because you won't want to miss this!"

"Excellent, thanks Pads!" said James grinning, and trying to forget the throbbing pain in his fingers. He needed alcohol as soon as possible. For medicinal purposes, obviously.

"Let's get this party started!"

…..

The Marauders' parties were legendary affairs. There was never a shortage of food, drinks of surprising variety, and excellent music. More recently, at Sirius' insistence, Remus and Peter had gotten together an excellent collection of muggle records, which were now playing on an enchanted record player. Peter, reckoning himself a bit of an expert, had declared himself the official DJ and was taking requests from students (and enjoying the feeling of power that came with that!). The Gryffindor common room looked stunning- dancing fire, enchanted disco lights hovering over the crowd, red and gold lava lamps pulsating to the music in the corners.

"This is amazing, Peter!" said Mary Mc Donald, looking around in admiration. "Look, you even got plants put in here!"

"Thanks," said Peter blushing slightly. "Although the plants weren't our idea, the House Elves brought them upstairs today, told us they were a present!"

"A present for the Marauders? That's sweet of them!" said Lily smiling back, looking at the beautiful pale green plants which now decorated each window seat and the mantlepiece. "They must really like you four!"

"No need to sound so surprised, Evans," a voice behind her teased. "We're universally popular, you know!"

She turned around to see James, looking at her, a cocky grin on his face, as he lounged against the door, eyes sparkling mischievously.

She rolled her eyes at him, and shook her head lightly.

"I'll have to have words with them so! And there was I thinking I had managed to deflate your huge head a bit!" Lily said, the corners of her mouth twitching.

"You were wrong, Evans!" laughed Sirius brightly, gulping down his glass of Firewhisky at an alarming rate and gasping slightly. "He needs a lot more work, and looks like you're the only one able for him!"

James flicked the Firewhisky bottle cap at his head.

"Traitor!" he said. "I'm perfect as is. What's not to like?"

He winked at her and laughed.

 _Nothing, he was perfect, thought Lily, too bloody perfect. I mean, how was she supposed to remain impervious to his charms when he looked this good?_ He was wearing a white t-shirt and dark jeans and a dark brown pair of leather boots. He still looked tanned and she couldn't help looking at those muscular arms and recall what he looked like without his t-shirt. He was also funny, and terribly smart and… she really had to stop this!

"Well, how long have you got? I'm not sure where to start!" she grinned up at him.

James groaned loudly. He couldn't take his eyes off her since she had entered the room. She looked unbelievably beautiful, with her auburn hair in a loose side plait, a figure hugging burnt orange sunset t-shirt and black jeans.

"You'll be the death of me, Evans! I'm going to drown my sorrows in alcohol! Would you like a Butterbeer?"

She tilted her head to one side.

"Ah sure, make it a Firewhisky," she said.

"Feeling adventurous tonight, Evans?" asked James, his hazel eyes glittering in the firelight.

"Perhaps," she retorted, her green eyes dilating as she continued gazing at him.

"are you two shamelessly flirting?" said Sirius, giving a low whistle, and smiling with delight.

"Shut it, Pads!" said James, giving him an almighty dig with his elbow. If everyone just left them alone, maybe he was in with a chance?

"Ouch!" said Sirius crossly, rubbing his black t-shirt to ease the pain. "He's an idiot, you really shouldn't go out with him. I don't advise it!"

"Do you not?" laughed Lily, trying not to blush. "Not that I was planning to! But for other aspiring girlfriends, what should they know about him?"

"Well," said Sirius, leaning in a conspiratorial manner. "He's terribly messy, he does all his homework and projects at the last minute but still manages to ace exams, he doodles everywhere and is secretly a brilliant artist. He's always getting detention, so he'll never be available for dates. He goes mad if anyone insults his friends. He'll drive you mad with his constant quidditch practice, but you know what they say about us quidditch players," smirked Sirius, running his hand up and down as if showing himself off. "He's an excellent ballroom dancer, like most purebloods, no choice in the matter. And he's always buying things for other people, so he's probably shit with money, but he's completely loaded so I don't think that's anything to be worried about."

"You make him sound gorgeous!" cried Alexa Mc Millan, a blonde-haired Gryffindor who had joined in the conversation and was now fanning herself.

Sirius looked a bit put out by the intrusion, and scowled after her as he saw her going over to James, grabbing hold of his arm and nearly causing him to spill his drinks in the process. She had started talking with him animatedly, and Sirius could see James struggling to be polite and answer her questions when he clearly wanted to be somewhere else.

"He's also shit at dancing to muggle music, whereas I'm pretty hot at it. Care to join me, Evans?" said Sirius. He'd seen her dancing to pop and disco music before and he wanted James to see her now.

"With pleasure, Sirius!" she grinned, she really had no right to feel jealous about James, that was utterly daft.

Sirius grabbed her hand and pulled her into the middle of the dance floor.

"Oi, Pete! Stick on something to get us moving!" he shouted over to his friend.

"What about The Bee Gees _You Should be Dancing_?" shouted back Peter.

"Perfect!" said Sirius, giving him a thumbs-up.

Soon the crowd had parted to watch Lily and Sirius dance. Lily hadn't noticed, she was in the moment, fully focused on the music. Sirius had, and he was enjoying every bit of it, including the loud cries of encouragement from the crowd. They weren't good, they were fabulous. They were effortless, tireless, perfectly in synch to the music.

"They look like something out of a film!" shrieked Mary, grabbing hold of Emmeline's arm and shaking it excitedly.

"Hmm," said Emmeline, smiling at her. "I think you might fancy Black!"

"Everyone fancies Black!" scoffed Mary, without denying it.

James had come over to watch at the edge of the crowd, a glass of Firewhisky in his hand.

"Enjoying it?" asked Remus, coming to stand beside him and looking at the two dancers.

"They're unbelievably…" he turned to Remus for help.

"Dazzlingly gifted? Magnificently skilful?" asked Remus smiling at him.

"Yeah, that!" said James grinning, placing his arm on Remus' shoulder.

"They're also the best-looking couple in the entire room," added Remus as he continued looking at them. "No offence, Prongs."

"None taken, fully agree, mate!" laughed James, sipping his drink.

"Care to join them?" said Remus.

"Not on your life!" said James, looking horrified. "I have no clue how to dance to modern muggle music, I'd look like an awful idiot!"

"Same," chuckled Remus. "I should know, but I've got two left feet!"

The music stopped, and Sirius winked at Lily and bowed in front of her as the entire room burst into prolonged applause.

"Sirius is _so_ hot!" James and Remus heard a girl sighing behind them. "I've been trying to attract his attention for _ages_ , and he just hasn't noticed me yet!"

"Yeah well, join the queue, Zoe!" huffed another girl. "Damn, now that lot are literally dragging him off the dance floor. Bloody Jimena!"

"I never realised Evans was so damned attractive," said Fayard, a seventh Year, who had been standing behind them, and was now addressing James with a smirk.

"I did," said James, taking a gulp of his Firewhisky and staring ahead.

"Oh sorry, mate," Fayard laughed and poked James in the ribs. "I completely forgot you guys have a thing. I'll go and find myself another bird who isn't someone else's property!"

James narrowed his eyes and stared at Fayard.

"Nobody _owns_ Evans, you tosser. You better watch it, cause if she hears you, you're dead."

Fayard cleared his throat. James could be extremely intimidating when he wanted to.

"Ok, ok, cool your jets! Take it easy, I was joking!" he said, before hurrying to the opposite side of the room in search of a stiff drink.

James finished his drink.

"Tosser!" he repeated.

Remus smiled at him and nodded. They were still watching Lily. The music had slowed and a few couples started dancing to _Still The One_. James saw a tall dark haired 7th Year approach Lily and ask her to dance. She said something, looking put out and started fiddling with her earring. The boy didn't seem to take the hint and persisted. She was facing James, and when she caught his gaze she grimaced and mouthed "help!".

 _PS. If anyone is following I would_ _love_ _to know what you think and get some feedback. Thanks SO MUCH to anyone who has left comments, they make my day! Especially after a stressful, shitty week! Any ideas also welcome!_


	10. Chapter 10: A Prank and a Potion

_They were still watching Lily. The music had slowed and a few couples started dancing to Still The One. James saw a tall dark haired 7_ _th_ _Year approach Lily and ask her to dance. She said something, looking put out and started fiddling with her earring. The boy didn't seem to take the hint and persisted. She was facing James, and when she caught his gaze she grimaced and mouthed "help!"._

….

Chapter 10: A Prank and a Potion

"That request was decidedly aimed at you, Prongs," said Remus raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Moony, feck off, and go chat up some fellow Gryffindors!" replied James, trying to sound casual.

Remus rolled his eyes. Since when, in his entire life, had he ever chatted up anyone?

James looked back at him, with a similar expression, and rolled his eyes right back at him. The boy was daft, he decided. He could easily see at least four girls who were shyly eying Remus with interest. The tall, thin boy with sandy hair and moss green eyes, standing in his usual self-effacing manner, wearing his everyday clothes and cardigan, who clearly hadn't bothered trying to dress up for the occasion. Entirely oblivious to the interest he aroused in others. He put down his drink and made his way through the crowd over to where Lily was standing.

"Evans!" he said heartily. "I believe you owe me a dance!"

"Oh yes, Potter" she replied briskly, but with a grateful look. "I completely forgot!"

She turned to the tall 7th Year who hadn't moved.

"Excuse us, Beauchamp?" she said.

He made as if to object, but James interrupted him.

"Thanks, old boy," he said, in a voice that brokered no argument.

Clearly exasperated, the other boy turned and left, limping rather heavily.

"Thank you!" said Lily sighing with relief, placing her hands lightly on his shoulders. "That git is a literal pain in the arse!"

"How so?" asked James smiling, while recalling she had called him a similar name many a time in the past.

"Earlier on tonight he was trying to chat me up, unsuccessfully, and bloody well pinched my bum! As if I'm going to dance with an idiot like him after that carry on!" she said with a look of disgust.

James' eyes narrowed.

"Oh relax!" she laughed, seeing his expression. "I flipped him onto the floor rather viciously, and loudly told him off, so now everyone knows he's a slimy git. He's limping now, ha! And he's utterly mortified."

"I knew you could handle yourself, Evans!" said James. She was damned impressive. Beautiful and potentially lethal, he thought. How was he supposed to remain impervious to that? "Although he didn't get the message clearly enough, if he was trying it on again."

"No, he came over to apologise, although he wouldn't sod off after that, as if he was hoping I'd ask him to dance – ugh!"

James mentally made a note to hex Ralph Beauchamp the next time he got a chance.

"I wouldn't dance with him if it was a choice between him and the giant-"

"Don't say it, Evans!" warned James, looking uneasy, and ruffling his hair. "You've said it to me plenty of times, and I really don't think I was quite as much of a git as that fellow."

"Sorry," replied Lily, flushing slightly. "You really weren't. It was just, you know, I couldn't stand you insulting my friend…"

"Well, that's something we have in common," said James, still looking uncomfortable. "And I am sorry. I shouldn't have picked on Snape, he was no worse than plenty of other Slytherins. I regret it now. Especially the incident near the lake. You've no idea how many times I regretted that day, how many times I've wished I could have changed what happened."

He was looking at her so passionately, she felt like kissing him.

"It's fine," she said instead. "Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing, woke me up to what Severus had become. I just wish I'd been able to make him see he was making a terrible mistake. I still sometimes wish I could, that he would listen to me. I haven't completely given up hope on him, you know. Stupid, really."

James shook his head.

"No, not stupid. There is always hope…" he said, despite his misgivings.

Lily gave a short laugh.

"Not much hope, and fading rapidly by the hour." She sighed. "I can't help feeling guilty sometimes, you know, that I refused to be friends with him again. After he called me a mudblood,"

"Don't use that word!" interrupted James, gripping her arms tightly.

"He said it, not me. He tried to apologise to me afterwards, waited outside the Fat Lady and told Mary he wasn't leaving till I agreed to speak to him. I couldn't trust him again though, he was supposed to be my friend. My best friend. For years…"

A single tear traced its way down her cheek, and she brushed it hurriedly away.

"I'm so sorry, Lily," said James softly. "I wish there was something-"

"You can't fix it, James," Lily said, looking up at him warmly. "The only person who can fix it is Severus himself. If he decides to disassociate himself from his Death-Eater pals, I'll know he truly means it."

James nodded, his hands lightly holding her sides again.

"Anyway, enough of my nonsense!" said Lily making a concerted effort to appear happier. "Your friend Sirius filled me in on some very interesting facts about you!"

James groaned and shut his eyes with embarrassment. His mates were so dead.

"Go on so, what did the bastard say?"

"Well, he may have mentioned you secretly nurse an artistic talent," began Lily, raising her eyebrows, flashing emerald eye dancing.

"He's one to talk!" snorted James. "Bet he didn't tell you that aside from being obnoxiously good at all types of dancing, he's also a phenomenally good piano player?"

Lily gasped.

"No! No, he didn't! I think I love Sirius, he's just so alive, do you know what I mean?"

James laughed aloud and drew her in a little closer. Damn, she really did understand Pads, didn't she?

"I know exactly what you mean, Evans, his parents chose the right name for him, at least!"

"And what about Remus? I bet he's talented too?" she asked brightly. "His writing is exceptional at any rate."

"Yeah, he's always been the eloquent one," said James fondly. "But he also secretly plays the violin, very beautifully. But don't tell him, he'll die. Doesn't even realise I know! I heard him playing it in a disused classroom once."

"Ah, the violin. How very Remus," said Lily, nodding slowly. "Very bittersweet…"

James nodded too, pulling her even closer.

"You understand him," said James quietly.

"And Peter?" said Lily cocking her head to one side. "I bet he's a dark horse!"

"Oh Pete? Don't even get me started! He's obviously an amazing mimic, as you've heard! But he's pretty bloody good with a guitar, and his singing voice is better than most!"

"Greatly underestimated, your Peter!" grinned Lily. "I always knew there was more to him than meets the eye!"

"You're perfect, you know?" murmured James, her head now resting on his chest, his chin brushing the top of her head. "After what happened at the end of last year I was worried you'd be different this year, but you've been unbelievably brave…"

 _This moment is perfect, thought Lily, she didn't want it to end, she felt she could stay by his side forever, like this._

"Ah, there you are, Lily!" called a loud, booming, cheerful voice. "You did promise your favourite fellow Gryffindor prefect a dance, after much cajoling on my part, if I recall! And my sister has been dying to dance with you all night, Potter, so be a good sport and do her a favour?"

"Oh! Trevor," she said, and it was hard to mistake the disappointment in her voice.

Trevor, however, was as insightful as a very thick brick, thought James, as he had missed that entirely, and was standing there beaming merrily at them both, rather pleased with himself, his bright red jumper and mustard trousers looking rather like a beacon.

"Would you mind if-" began James, when he was assailed by a coughing fit, dry and persistent and racking his body. It didn't seem to want to stop.

"Are you alright?" asked Lily, concerned, laying a hand on his shoulder.

James nodded, unable to speak.

"something must have… wrong way," he wheezed incoherently, excusing himself much to Lily's disappointment, and making his way to the drinks table.

He tried gulping down some cold water, but the coughing remained unrelenting. Sirius came over quickly, raising his brow at him knowingly.

"Too much Firewhisky?"

James shook his head.

"Oh, how unusual for you, was it by chance a spot of illicit weeds, Prongs?"

"Neither, I don't…!" rasped James.

"Didn't think so, quidditch chaps don't like stuff that makes you unmotivated and forgetful!" laughed Sirius.

James continued wheezing, and eventually gestured upstairs to the dormitories.

"Think I'll turn in…" he managed to exhale.

"You're not allergic to Evans, are you, old chap?" asked Sirius teasingly.

James resorted to making a rude gesture with his finger and smacking him upside the head, before disappearing upstairs. He didn't notice the concerned, and wistful, looks that one Lily Evans was sending his way, as she feigned interest in Trevor Leighton's conversation about what a plummy job he was going to land in the registration section of the Department of Magical Transportation, when he completed his NEWTs.

….

James' coughing had kept him up most of the night, and necessitated him casting a silencing spell around his bed. But by morning it seemed to be subsiding, so it was a groggy, uncharacteristically quiet boy who walked into the Dining Hall the next morning, hair more untamed than ever, rubbing his eyes blearily. He plonked himself down unceremoniously beside Sirius, and proceeded to eat his porridge slowly, while gulping down four cups of strong English Breakfast tea.

"Alright, Prongs?" asked Remus, frowning slightly.

"S'fine," muttered James sleepily.

"Hey, shush, you two!" admonished Sirius excitedly. "Slytherin table is about to enjoy a Gryffindor surprise, any moment now! We've been planning that particular prank for ages and doing it in front of a large audience is much better than in the Slytherin Dorms. So glad we postponed it, eh?"

Grinning at each other, the boys sneaked a peek at the pupils from said table, who currently looked very superior, due in no small part to the fact that the other houses (especially Gryffindor) were very much the worst for wear, after the night before, so to speak.

Suddenly, much to the Slytherins' horror, their bags flew into the air and hovering above each student's chair, began chanting loudly to the tune of " _Dedicated Follower of Fashion_ ":

"We nominate today, Godric Gryffindor's Day!

Godric so brave, his exploits rare,

Of all the Founders he's the best,

The Lion's the king of our beloved Hogwart's crest

Cause we are dedicated followers of Godric

Oh yes he is, oh yes he is, Godric's the biz, oh yes he is

We think he is a legend to be looked at

And if you don't agree, well then, by Merlin, you're a prat!

Cause we are dedicated followers of Godric"

For a few seconds there was a stunned silence. James lifted his head and caught Mc Gonagall's eye as her own widened, cup of tea hanging mid-air and then she burst out laughing, tea spilling everywhere. It was a first! He couldn't believe it! He burst out laughing himself then, raising his own cup at her with a wink and couldn't believe his eyes when she raised her cup back with her own wink, before doing the same to Sirius who was howling with laughter right beside him. He watched as Dumbledore wiped some tears of laughter and eventually stood up.

"Why thank you so much to our Slytherin cohort for their kind celebratory song! How very thoughtful of you all! I believe you have just instituted a new school tradition, from now on this day shall be known as Godric's day! Twenty points to Slytherin House, well done!"

The whole dining hall at this stage had erupted in gales of laughter. "Happy Gryffindor's Day!" "Wait till I owl my parents and tell them that!" students were shouting merrily towards the Slytherin tables.

Remus couldn't help laughing at the dour faced Slytherins, looking thoroughly disgusted by the spectacle. Half the fun was in seeing their expressions of revulsion. If they had looked nonplussed, they wouldn't have bothered with half their pranks! Peter was practically crying with laughter beside him and next to him in a similar state was Lily, eyes closed with laughter, holding her sides, the sound of her peeling laughter infectious. Remus gestured to James and Sirius who smiled at each other and at her, a mixture of fondness and pride that their silly antics had caused her so much happiness.

James' tiredness momentarily melted away.

"Jolly good show, chaps!" said Sirius high-fiving them all.

"Love it when a prank goes to plan!" said Remus sighing with delight.

"Who thought of using the music of The Kinks' _Dedicated Follower of Fashion_? That was an inspired choice!" asked Lily, giggling.

"I did," said Peter, looking supremely pleased with himself. "I felt it had the ambient mood we were going for?"

"It was rather brilliant,' agreed Remus dryly. "Although personally I think the lyrics relate rather perfectly to-"

"To Sirius!" burst in Lily, collapsing into another laughing fit.

"Precisely!" grinned Remus.

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius, looking put out. He had not heard the original lyrics to this muggle song before.

Lily, Peter and Remus looked at each other and burst into song.

"And when he does his little rounds

'Round the boutiques of London Town

Eagerly pursuing all the latest fads and trends

'Cause he's a dedicated follower of fashion

Oh yes he is (oh yes he is), oh yes he is (oh yes he is)

He thinks he is a flower to be looked at

And when he pulls his frilly nylon panties right up tight

He feels a dedicated follower of fashion"

Sirius snorted disdainfully and flicked his perfect shiny mane before leaning back on his chair.

"That is _so_ not me!" he growled, slumping further down in his seat.

James raised a brow.

"Eh, Pads," he said. "The orange Flowery bell bottoms?"

"So?" scoffed Sirius.

"The mint green, viscose, high-waisted things you got at that London market?" persisted James.

"Coincidence," said Sirius flatly, in his most obnoxious accent, sticking his feet up on the table.

"Fine. The satin polka dot red and black tuxedo? The yellow silk shirt with the tie thing and the ruffles? Need I go on?" James asked, folding his arms.

"It's not a tie thing, you dork, it's a pussy bow shirt and it's cool, yeah? Not something you'd know anything about, Prongs!" said Sirius crossly, regarding his giggling mates irately. "And since when did we move from insulting Slytherins to insulting innocent bystanders?"

"Innocent, bystander and Sirius Black don't belong in the same sentence!" snorted James.

"Since it turns out it's just as much fun!" said Lily, peeling into another fit of giggles and causing all the others to burst out laughing again.

"I thought Prongs was bad enough, and now it turns out I've got myself an equally annoying little sister!" said Sirius, rolling his eyes but failing to stop the smile that had been threatening to spill over.

"Oh, apparently I'm good at being an annoying little sister!" winked Lily. "Although big sister might represent our mutual emotional maturity levels better!"

"Hey!" Sirius called after her, as she legged it out of the hall still chuckling to herself. "I turn 17 in November, you upstart!"

"You're going to have to control her a bit better Prongs!" sighed Sirius, turning to James with a mock offended tone.

"Good luck to you if you think you can control that girl!" laughed James, stifling a yawn.

"Come on guys, we'll be late for potions!" said Remus, whacking Sirius in the arm with his bag.

Sirius grabbed his bag and slung it elegantly over his shoulders. As he walked past, he caught Regulus' eye from the far side of the Slytherin table. To most observers, Regulus' facial expression looked blank but Sirius knew that look. He put two and two together and sighed. His brother would have been confused with the recent prank. He strained his ears and heard his brother turn to a classmate.

"But what was the point of that?" he asked, clearly perplexed. "We don't like Gryffindor, they know that too. Won't our parents be mad at us now?"

"No, you idiot, but don't go volunteering that information to them, for Merlin's sake. Make us look bad," she replied crossly. "And don't pretend you don't get it, it was obviously funny, from their perspective."

"Why?" he asked, somewhat irritably.

Poor Reg, thought Sirius, a sinking feeling in his stomach. Why couldn't it all go back to how it used to be between them? Six years ago he'd have explained it to Reg in a way that made sense to him in a jiffy, and Reg would then nod solemnly and visibly relax. He hoped Reg had managed to avoid making these types of comments in front of his father, who had zero patience.

Reg was looking back at him now, looking somewhat guilty and agitated. For Reg, that meant he was highly emotional. Sirius visibly flinched as an unwanted vision materialised in front of him – Reg standing over him, wand out, his own screams reverberating through the walls of Grimmauld Place. He stopped shakily, for a moment, until James' arm dragged him forwards, asking him questions, demanding answers, focusing his attention.

"When's the next quidditch game? Pads!"

"What? Er, Saturday at 2pm, isn't it?"

"Who's the Hufflepuff seeker? Pads! Pads! Sirius! Who is it?"

"Er, Mac Ardle?"

"What's your prediction, Sirius? On the game?"

"The game… the game? Oh… a Hufflepuff win by margin of at least 100 points?"

And the flashback was gone again.

James sighed, not before throwing a mutinous glare in Regulus' direction. He felt sorry for him, but damn him. Damn him, as well as his parents.

...

"So, ladies and gentlemen," began Professor Slughorn. "Today we are going to be brewing a fascinating potion called Amortentia. It's difficult to make, so take you time, and follow the instructions carefully. Have I made myself clear?"

James groaned inwardly. _Oh great, he thought, well two guesses as to what mine will smell like!_ He turned to Sirius, who was sitting beside him.

"Well I'm rather dying to see what mine smells of," Sirius said excitedly. "I suppose you already know what yours will be like? Perhaps a violet tinge with a strong smell of lilac and peach?"

"What? Ugh! Pads, you're disgusting!" said James looking thoroughly nauseated, and giving him a dig in the ribs.

"No, Malum's disgusting!" laughed Sirius, digging him back.

"I'm traumatized now!" said James pretending to retch, and feeling slightly sick.

"Enough talking, chaps!" said Slughorn to them both, good naturedly, as he started walking round the classroom. "You have one hour!"

"And how is your batch doing, Miss Evans?" asked Slughorn affectionately, after a half hour had elapsed.

"Er, fine, Professor!" she said, blushing slightly.

"Come along, so, what do you smell?"

"Ah, well," said Lily haltingly. She couldn't very well reply _"well Professor I smell James Potter and nothing else,"_ could she?

"It sort of smells of the outdoors, after rain, woody and smoky," she daren't say more, as she knew if she started mentioning leather, vetiver or anything quidditch-related someone would guess.

"Lovely, well done, Miss Evans! Ten points to Gryffindor!"

"And you, Mr. Snape, what does yours smell like?" said Slughorn turning to his other top pupil, whose waxy complexion had turned an unusual shade.

"I've no idea yet, vaguely floral?" he answered stiffly, lying through his teeth.

"That's perfectly fine, Mr. Snape, don't panic if you haven't got the hang of it yet, plenty of time left!" said Slughorn, thinking that Severus was struggling to obtain a good potion.

Severus gave him a withering look. _As if he couldn't get this potion finished, he thought angrily, he was considerably better at potions than that stupid, fat, useless idiot._ _He wasn't going to mention the smell of green apple, Lily Evan's old shampoo which she had used in First and Second Year, as she at any rate would know what that signified. Strange that he couldn't smell her current scent though. What did it all mean? And she definitely hadn't smelt anything that reminded her of him, Severus thought bitterly. She wasn't thinking of Potter, by any chance?_

Severus looked over at James who was sitting dreamy-eyed staring into his cauldron, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

"Go on, so, Prongs, what does yours smell of?" asked Sirius crossly, as he vigorously mixed his potion in a counter-clockwise manner. This wasn't working at all!

"What do you think?" said James, sighing. "It smells of coconut shampoo, fields of wild grasses, parchment and old books, and I dunno, marmalade tart?"

"Did someone mention marmalade tart?" gushed Lily excitedly, turning around to them, her cheeks an attractive pink hue, eyes glistening, and pupils dilated. "I love marmalade tart, it's my favourite!"

"You're my favourite!" blurted out James. _Oh shit, shit, shit._ Really, he was quite unable to think clearly at this stage, he felt like he had just consumed three glasses of Firewhisky in a row.

Sirius rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Oi, you too, enough with the flirting again!" he said tetchily. "My stupid potion has gone wrong!"

"What do you mean, Pads?" asked James, feeling far less embarrassed than he should have, given the circumstances. "What does yours smell of?"

"Well that's the thing, it bloody well smells of… well, it's embarrassing, it smells of…"

"Go on," said Lily encouragingly.

"I thought it was beginning to smell citrusy, of oranges, but then it started to smell all… smells of dirty clothes, homework, quidditch gear, wood fires. Oh for fuck's sake, it smells like our dorm, alright? And alluring?" said Sirius looking confused.

James looked at Lily and started grinning wildly.

Lily looked at him wide eyed and her hand flew to her lips.

"Sirius is in love with himself!"

The two of them burst out laughing hysterically, and soon all their fellow classmates had joined in, even some of the decent Slytherins were chuckling away.

"Fuck off you two! You're officially dead to me!" said Sirius giving them an aristocratic glare, and turning his back on them.

Remus was enjoying the whole thing immensely. He watched Lily and James chatting happily in between giggles, their hands skimming each other's, a playful poke in the arm, a gentle tucking away of Lily's stray curls, a reaching up to clean James' spectacles, their faces so close they were almost touching.

"Shut up, Potter, you're incorrigible!"

"Incorrigibly handsome?"

"Incorrigibly embarrassing!"

"I'll take that - embarrassingly handsome!"

He saw Sirius and Mary share a knowing look, which was repeated around the classroom. Surely it was just a matter of time now before Lily and James got together at last?

He sighed and stared at his own potion, his mood dropping significantly _. His had smelt very like Sirius' one, he thought sadly, apart from a hint of warm lavender, and the fact that his potion had changed colours quite a lot. Because he wasn't going to be smelling anyone else, he was never going to fall madly in love, to find love. It was so damned inevitable, wasn't it? He was always going to end up on his own. And yet that smell had been so strangely intoxicating. It didn't even make any sense, and he was not telling a single soul what his Amortentia was like._

From the far corner of the room, Severus' expression had gone from displeased to outright livid. If somebody didn't do something right this minute, that bastard Potter was going to snog Lily Evans in the middle of Potions and there was NO WAY he was going to stand there and watch that horrendous, appalling, abhorrent sight!

He began a terse internal row with himself.

 _"Snap out of it, Sev," he told himself, in a tone surprisingly like Lily Evans'._

 _"You fuck off, and it's Severus now. This is just gross. I mean Potter has more or less claimed her, and nobody else can get near her!"_

 _"You mean you can't get near her,"_

 _"No, well yes, but not the point. I mean she could end up with some decent Slytherin or whatever if she got the chance."_

 _"Yes, highly likely, a mudblood… and like you wouldn't be eaten alive with jealousy!"_

 _"I'm not fucking jealous, I just hate Potter, as in, despise,"_

 _"Yeah, old news, you're also mad she never wanted to kiss you."_

 _"She didn't know I loved her! She thought of me as a friend. I think if she understood how I felt she'd consider it."_

 _"Consider dating you? Maybe. Probably. But. You're not even a friend! How do you plan on fixing that?"_

Just then he heard two classmates whispering behind him.

"I just wish they'd get on with it!" said Clara Oakley, a half-blood Slytherin behind Severus. "It's painful to watch."

"Who? Potter and Evans? Don't tell me you're in favour of purebloods ending up with mudbloods? Gross!" responded Evan Rosier, who sounded positively revolted.

"They're a lost cause!" said Clara irritably, she couldn't help thinking they looked sweet and endearing. "Let them at it!"

Severus' knuckles whitened. He carefully aimed a hex at James' cauldron and had the gratifying sight of watching it explode all over him and Black (and unfortunately, also partly onto Lily).

"Oh dear me!" said Slughorn anxiously, coming over to examine the mess and rubbing his forehead with his large initialled handkerchief. "What on earth did you do? You know that stuff is damned difficult to wash off! I'm afraid I'll have to sign you off classes for the rest of the day, the three of you better relax and take it easy. I suggest, Mr. Black, you might want to remain with those two for the next few hours, I think leaving them alone in that state might be unwise? They seem to have been hit by the effects of Amortentia rather strongly."

"Why do I always end up having to clean up after everyone else's mess?" Sirius sighed, shaking his head slightly.

"Pads, the only mess you've ever cleaned up is your own. Probably about twice in your life. When you could eat it!" snorted Peter.

Mary Mac Donald collapsed in a fit of giggles.

"Professor, I could help, I don't think Black can handle those two on his own."

"Agreed, Miss Mac Donald, thank you, Dear!" replied Slughorn hastily.

Severus winced as the four left the classroom, their laughter echoing through the dungeon corridors.

You fool, Severus told himself, looks like all you've succeeded in doing is hastening the whole damned nightmare scenario!

…

Hope you enjoyed that, mostly just a bit of fun! Thanks so much to everyone who has left reviews, I cannot tell you how happy you make me, not an exaggeration to state that you absolutely make my day =)


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Prongs Pursuing Evans

James opened his eyes slowly, and looked around, slightly disorientated. He was lying on the couch nearest the fire in the Gryffindor common room, a blanket carefully draped over him and a pillow under his head. He sat up slowly, noting the crick in his neck and pins and needles in his right arm. He had no idea how long he's been asleep for. Or what time of the day it was. He groped around for his glasses, obviously not an easy thing to accomplish when he really badly needed his glasses to see in the first place.

"James," a quiet voice on his right made him spin round quickly. "Here you go."

Lily handed him his glasses and he stuck them on immediately and drank her in. She was sitting in the window seat, no shoes, feet up against the wall, leaning back with a book in her hand, her hair making a red cushion for her head to lean on.

"Thanks," he mumbled sleepily. "How long…?"

Lily smiled fondly at him.

"You were exhausted," she said. "One minute you seemed very lively and the next you were out cold. You've been asleep for hours."

"Oh," said James, trying to fix his hair, which he knew would be looking worse than usual.

"And you started coughing after about two hours, and have been doing so since, even in your sleep. I really think you need to ask Madam Pomfrey to have a look at you, James!" said Lily sternly.

"Oh, it's James now, is it?" he replied playfully. _Merlin, he groaned to himself, say something to impress her, you sound like a dimwit, Eloquence-is-not-your-middle-name-Potter!_

"Whatever, James, Potter - we're friends now, according to you," said Lily closing her book and looking at him with an unusual expression. "And stop trying to change the topic! Pomfrey, yeah?"

"She's seen me in far worse states," said James shrugging. "I'm forever annoying her. Can't really afford to pester her when I have a minor problem. I'm fine. Never missed a day's Quidditch training in my entire life. If that happens, I'll go and see Poppy, alright?" he concluded, sitting up and trying not to stare at her. "So, friends, yeah?"

"Very much so, great friends, I believe you put it," replied Lily, and her tone of voice was ever so slightly off, James thought.

"Em, I didn't do anything to annoy you earlier did I, Evans?" he asked, ruffling his hair yet again and trying to appear confident. He just couldn't recall anything that had happened once they reached the Gryffindor common room.

"No, not at all," Lily gave a short laugh, her face unreadable, as she glanced back down at her book.

"What are you reading?" James enquired conversationally, hoping he was misreading the signals he was getting from her.

"Pride & Prejudice" she replied. "Muggle author."

"What's it about?" he asked.

"A snobby, posh, rich guy who thinks he's better than everyone else and an intelligent, sassy, girl with no money or connections and a dodgy family to boot. She thinks he's a git."

"Ah," James said wincing. "Sounds familiar."

"Yeah. It does," said Lily archly. "I've to do Prefect rounds with Remus now, see you later."

"Oh, right," said James, not quite managing to hide his disappointment. "Later so."

….

"Awake at last!" said Sirius as he strolled into the room a few seconds later, throwing an apple at his head, which James caught with a smirk. "Sleep tight?"

"Yeah," replied James, rubbing his brow in confusion. "Pads, do you remember what exactly happened after the four of us got back here?

"Ah, that," replied Sirius warily, throwing himself on the other sofa and sighing. "Not much!"

"Oh. Good," said James looking relieved.

"No, trust me, that was not good, Prongs! Due to your utter daftness, Prongs Pursuing Evans has been fucked up once more!"

James stared at him blankly, then slumped back onto the sofa with a slight groan.

"How?" he asked in disbelief.

"You say that as if the possibility of you having fucked up was exceptionally remote, Prongs!" said Sirius drily, biting into his apple and resting his head back onto the leather armrest. "I'm really pissed with you, old chap! I had a bet going that you two would end up an item before Halloween."

"Cut the bullshit, Pads!" admonished James grimly. "How?"

"How? By behaving like a bloody ponce, Prongs, that's how!" snorted Sirius.

"What?" said James looking confused.

"Look, we were all high on Amortentia, acting pissed, right? One minute you and Evans are drooling over each other, and I'm convincing Mary we need to give you some privacy, so I drag her off, being a decent fellow. Next thing, when we get back, you're out cold and Evans is looking a bit shook. So Mary gets me to piss off so she can interrogate Evans, and finds out that you apparently put her off, mouthing on about Evans being such a wonderful pal of yours, not wanting to take advantage or whatever, and then fell asleep on the spot. Instead of snogging her. Frankly very un-sexy, Prongs."

James looked shocked.

"Stop looking so stunned, Prongs, you and your bloody nobility," sighed Sirius, shaking his head at James. "Anyway, Evans would have bloody snogged you senseless earlier on, I'm sure of it, but Mary said she told her that she was really relieved she didn't, that you were completely right, that she sees you as a great friend too, and is really glad nothing happened to spoil that."

James continued looking at him in silence.

"I'm afraid you're a blithering idiot, Prongs, as Minnie would say!" said Sirius, who was starting to feel sorry for his best friend. He got up and patted James on his shoulder a few times. "You probably did the right thing."

"Yeah. Probably," said James croakily, burying his head in his hands for a moment. "Fuck!"

"And do you think she means it, that she just sees me as a friend?" he asked after a slight pause.

"I haven't a clue, have I? I have no idea how women's brains work! Mary was very disappointed by the whole turn of events, reckon she shipped the two of you, big time. Whole mess made the effects of the Amortentia wear of pretty quickly for the two of us, mind you. So then we did the only sensible thing we could, under the circumstances," said Sirius, winking at James rather suggestively.

James raised his brow.

"You two snogged?"

"Yeah," said Sirius grinning. "We did, pretty nice actually. Not going out or anything daft like that, but it was good. And we're still mates, no acting weird stuff, thank Merlin!"

James shook his head, smiling.

"How come you're so much better at this than I am?" he asked.

"Cause I don't actually allow myself to give a shit," retorted Sirius, with a shrug. "None of it means anything, and as long as the other person knows that and is cool with it, nobody gets hurt."

James looked at him and sighed.

"Sirius, at some stage you're going to have to let yourself care and risk getting hurt."

"Merlin, you really are a complete wimp, Prongs!" said Sirius, defensively crossing his arms. "I'm not doing anything remotely like that till I'm at least thirty. Get a grip!"

James waved him off dismissively.

"What time is it?" he asked looking outside.

"Time for your bloody detention, that's what. I feel like I'm suffering withdrawals, haven't been in detention for weeks. It's not right," said Sirius, stretching languidly. "I've given up Divination, that woman was driving me insane! Minnie managed to get me into Ancient Runes instead. Have no clue what the damned thing is all about. Remus isn't impressed, when he found out he told me he's not helping me catch up and if I end up with better marks than him at the end of the term, he's never speaking to me again."

James looked at Sirius fondly and laughed. He really had to try to put Evans to the back of his mind or he was going to drive himself mad.

"Yeah right! Bet you've managed to cajole him into letting you copy his homework already!"

"Course I have, Prongs!" grinned Sirius. "I'm irresistible, even to my friends!"

"You're a menace, Pads, that's what!" said James, throwing the apple core at his face.

"Why don't you give it up too?" asked Sirius.

"I might yet!" muttered James, drumming his fingers on his thigh in an exasperated manner. "I actually think I could learn some useful stuff in Divination. But the main reason I haven't ditched it yet is that I don't want her to think she's fucking beaten me into submission, if that makes sense?"

"It sure does!" said Sirius beaming at him. "That's why you're captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team and I'm not. It's a question of being arsed."

"Being arsed and being a stubborn bastard!" said James grimly.

Cursing loudly he stood up slowly and heaved a sigh. Having regained his composure, he resolutely stood up straighter and headed for the door.

"Bloody Malum!" he offered to no one in particular as he left the common room, his persistent coughing echoing down the old castle corridors.

 _Bloody Evans, he thought to himself as he walked on alone, when was he ever going to get his act together? Was there even any point? Was she even remotely interested?_

…

James couldn't help noticing that Lily was deliberately avoiding him over the next few weeks. In class she made sure not to sit near him, he never caught sight of her in the corridors (not for want of trying), and she also seemed to disappear at lunchtime and avoid the common room.

"Look, Prongs, stop ruminating about it! Everything's going to be fine, you two will be back on track in no time," Peter said quietly as they packed up their bags after Charms.

"Am I that obvious?" said James, grimacing.

Peter shrugged, then nodded slowly.

"I suppose you're right, Wormy," James agreed half-heartedly, as they headed down towards the main hall.

He was clearly moping around, overthinking the whole situation, unbeknownst to himself. Pathetic really.

"Shit!" said Peter. "Lily, three o 'clock, she's mad as hell and I think you're in trouble!"

James looked up immediately. He gulped slightly. She did indeed look livid, striding towards him purposefully with blazing eyes, hair bouncing around her like a mini tornado. She still looked hot though, he thought. But then he always thought that.

Just then Remus materialised beside James, panting slightly from running.

"She's really pissed off with you, Prongs," he hissed sharply. "Rumour going round-"

But Lily was standing right in front of James now. Hands on her hips, one foot slightly in front of the other. In a duelling stance.

"Shit!" whispered Peter, moving ever so slightly so he was standing behind James, hand reflexively holding his wand.

"Potter!" she spat out, in the same tone he would have been used to back in First Year, and Second Year, and Third Year, and Fourth Year (fine, all the time, in fact, except for recent weeks).

"Evans," said James evenly, crossing his arms in front of him defensively, feet slightly apart. Hoping he looked less intimidated than he felt.

"How dare you! How dare you spread those lies about me! Do you realise how humiliating that was for me?" she was so angry that her cheeks were blazing, practically singeing, hands trembling at her side.

"What are you talking about?" said James, frowning as he tried desperately to figure out what was happening.

"You bloody well know exactly what I mean, you bastard!" she practically shouted. "Telling everyone that I was throwing myself at you after Potions that day, and that you had to fight me off. And other lewd details I can't even… how could you?"

She could see fleeting emotions flickering on his face for a few seconds – confusion, distress, replaced by anger.

"Fuck!" squeaked Peter (who had also registered this), making sure to edge discretely behind Remus.

James often lost his temper - in quidditch matches, and with annoying students, even with them, but the only time he had ever witnessed James completely losing it was after the Sirius/Snape incident last year, and Peter really didn't want to be anywhere near James if that happened again.

Peter watched as James began moving slowly in Lily's direction, his voice low and shaking with anger.

"Did you honestly think that I would do that to you, that I would say such things about you, Evans?"

He was standing right in front of her, inches away from her face. She swallowed.

"I… I wasn't sure," she faltered. "They said… and I felt so humiliated…"

Her eyes met his, vulnerable and moist.

James' facial expression softened.

"I'm sorry, Evans," he said, quietly but firmly. "But it wasn't me."

She looked at Remus who shook his head slightly, confirming what James had said.

"Shit," said Lily, biting her lower lip anxiously, looking from one to the other. "I shouldn't have believed it… but who would make up something like that?"

Remus could think of one person in particular who might want to destroy Lily's friendship with James. He opened his mouth to say something and was interrupted by Peter.

"Oh some sad bastards, no doubt, who are bored stiff and looking to cause mayhem!" he said hurriedly, giving Remus a pointed look. Merlin, the last thing they needed was for James to have a conniption and attack Snivellus, he thought.

Remus immediately understood. He thought about how upsetting it would be for Lily to find out her ex-best friend had instigated the rumours, and how Sirius might react, never mind James.

"Yeah, most likely, it's awful Lily, so sorry!" he said kindly, going up to her and rubbing her shoulder gently.

Lily nodded, blinking hurriedly.

"I'm so sorry, James," she said haltingly. She felt terribly guilty. What sort of a friend was she, that she had immediately believed such things about him? She usually erred on the side of caution when it came to gossip, as ever, standing up for the underdog. The problem was that when it came to James, she couldn't think clearly.

"I'm such an awful bitch," she began, tears pooling in her eyes. Really, she was exhausted after this emotional roller-coaster of a day, and if she wasn't careful she was going to start sobbing in front of these boys and they were going to die of embarrassment, and so was she. She wished the floor might swallow her, like the trick step.

"Don't you dare, Lily Evans," he said softly, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around her tightly. "None of this is your fault. We're fine. I'll make sure everyone knows that this was all a load of tosh, and you'll have nothing to worry about."

Lily nodded her head, tears streaming down her face silently. He was so kind, she thought, feeling ashamed again. After a moment, she cleared her throat and looked up.

"Thanks Potter, I'd really appreciate that. I hope you can forgive me for… that we can go back to being friends?" she asked.

"You don't need to ask, Evans," he smiled back wistfully.

….

Later that evening Lily recounted the entire episode to Mary, as they sat on her bed in the girls' dormitory.

"Tell me again what Potter said!" said Mary, her elbow on the bed, hand propping up her head.

"I've told you everything, Mary," said Lily, smacking Mary's arm.

"Well it's amazing what those boys can do when they put their minds to it! Within one hour of your rant, the entire school seemed to know, and more importantly believe, that the whole thing was a very sick joke!" said Mary, obviously impressed.

"And what about you and Sirius then?" Lily asked, covering her mouth as another yawn escaped her.

"Nothing more to tell," said Mary evasively. "We've snogged a few more times, I don't bother him, he doesn't annoy me, and that's that."

Lily looked at her shrewdly.

"And you're happy with that?" she asked.

"Merlin, yes!" laughed Mary, fidgeting with her sleeve. "Why wouldn't I be? I get to snog the best-looking bloke in the entire school! What's not to like?"

"Well, you might want to date him," Lily suggested.

"Lily, Sirius Black doesn't do relationships! I think the entire school knows that by now!" she replied, rolling her eyes at Lily for even suggesting that.

"Well, you seem to really like him, and you were getting on so well together, so I just don't want you both to ruin things," she sighed.

"Trust me, we won't!" laughed Mary. "Are you getting excited about the Hogwarts Christmas Ball next week?"

Lily shrugged.

"Kind of?" she said. "I don't really have anything to wear and I can't afford to buy a dress just before Christmas."

She knew her parents wouldn't be able to afford anything at that time of the year. She also knew that they had recently spent a fortune on Petunia's modelling agency. Apparently, she was still trying to "make it in the fashion business" as her mother had put it. Not that Petunia had told her, she had sent back all of Lily's letters unopened. It was only from correspondence with her parents that she knew any of this. Petunia apparently had a new boyfriend and her one letter to Lily had been a one liner, requesting that she refrain from coming home for Christmas this year as she didn't want Lily to "ruin things between Vernon and me, like you've managed to ruin the rest of my life."

"Hey, don't fret, Lily!" said Mary, seeing her mood had dipped. "I have loads of clothes! Why don't you borrow one of my dresses and charm it to fit you perfectly? You _are_ the Charms Goddess according to Flitwick!"

"Thanks Mary," said Lily shooting her a gratefully look. "I'd really like that!"

Mary was loaded, by muggle standards anyway. Her family owned a flourishing business and had recently expanded it to the United States. But nobody would have guessed, because she didn't go on about it, thought Lily, looking at her affectionately.

"We could really do with a Ball right now," mused Mary, lying back on the bed and crossing her ankles.

"Yeah," said Lily, pushing away visions of Potter in dress robes holding her in his arms again.

They were friends now, that was all he was interested in, she told herself crossly.

Good friends.

And she was fine with that.

Perfectly happy.

...

Any thoughts? Thanks so much to the amazing people who go to the bother of commenting on this story! It thrills me no end! I am so happy when I see them...


	12. Chapter 12: The Hogwarts Christmas Ball

_Notes: To those of you who have read "Word Finding Difficulties", that story is included as part of this chapter, it was always meant to be from the We Can Be Heroes universe, but I've made the chapter longer to make up for it! (Hides to dodge multiple hexes)_

Chapter 12: The Hogwarts Christmas Ball

"Gentlemen," said Sirius, smiling approvingly at his handsome reflection in the dormitory bathroom. "Don't disappoint me. I want success on all fronts. Wormy, if you haven't spoken to Penny Maverley by the time desserts are served, I shall be resorting to magic, perhaps a sticking charm."

"Oh Merlin!" said Peter, wide-eyed and alarmed at the very real possibility, as he struggled to do up his shirt top button.

"You've been warned," replied Sirius breezily, turning to gaze at James who was now shoving him out of the way and attempting to straighten his hair.

"Stop hogging the mirror, Pads! You're as vain as a peacock!" James chided.

"And with good reason," said Sirius, shrugging innocently. "Now you, Prongs, are such a disaster that I don't hold out much hope for you and Evans, as far as tonight is concerned. But for goodness sake at least bloody well dance with her, yeah?"

James shrugged back, running his wet hands through his hair, which momentarily lay flat, before popping back up, as wild as before.

"You know me, Pads. I haven't given up yet as far as Evans is concerned."

"Yeah, well, the rest of us might be close to it," said Sirius crossly. "I thought as a minimum you two would get together on my 17th birthday, seeing as you're supposedly my friends, but no, not a single damned thing! Despite consumption of obscene amounts of Firewhisky that night, by one and all. Terribly disappointing."

"And where the hell is Moony?" he asked, looking round in vain. "That idiot is probably thinking of showing up in his bloody cardigan and jeans!"

James shot him a warning look, before whispering into his ear.

"Lent him one of my dress robes, his ones were way too short. Couldn't even charm them to fit. Must have grown since he last had to wear them. So for crying out loud, don't go embarrassing him, right? You know he can get all defensive about stuff like that."

"Relax, I'm not stupid," Sirius began, and stopped short as Remus entered the room looking uncomfortable, hand running down the back of his neck, fixing his collar.

"Shit!" he said, staring at Remus.

"What?" said Remus stiffly, looking down at his outfit (in case he had forgotten to button himself up properly) and back up at them. "Is there something wrong?"

He hated having to borrow clothes from his friends, and he especially hated when Sirius made fun of him at these times, like it didn't matter. Well it mattered to him, and he wasn't in the mood for Sirius' wicked sense of humour.

Sirius shook his head firmly. He just really hadn't expected Remus to look so tall, and striking, and elegant and…

"Merlin, no! I just… you look… just… surprisingly well!"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"How terribly kind of you to say so, Sirius!" he said, eyes flashing with annoyance.

"Ooh!" said Peter trying to lighten the mood. "Careful Pads, or Moony will kill you!"

"Fuck off!" replied Remus, gritting his teeth, and trying to put on his cufflinks, unsuccessfully.

"I didn't mean to sound rude, old chap," said Sirius, finding his voice at last, and looking concerned. "I just meant I wasn't used to you dressing up all posh and whatnot, and it suits you, is all."

"Right," said Remus, nodding self-consciously, and continued trying to stick the cufflinks on, without looking up.

"Here, let me," said Sirius, gently taking the snitch cufflinks that James had lent Remus and sliding them on expertly. "Had to wear these things every day for years, could do it in my sleep."

"Thanks," Remus replied gruffly, looking away from the mirror as his gaze fell on the three scars that ran down the side of his cheek.

Sirius had stopped moving. A sudden image of himself aged six flashed - dressed in uncomfortable black dress robes, on Christmas Day in his cousins' house, receiving a hard slap across the face from Walburga for daring to ask why there were no Christmas decorations. He flinched involuntarily. It was replaced just as suddenly by the image of him aged 12 stepping out in front of his brother who was about to get hexed by his father for requesting they be allowed absent themselves from their parents' Christmas Ball. His grey eyes glazed over momentarily.

Remus and James exchanged looks, they both knew what was happening.

"Pads!" said Remus, taking hold of his friend's arm and squeezing it lightly.

Sirius blinked a few times and then regarded him quizzically.

"You were instructing us on how to behave tonight, and I think you got a bit distracted. Are you finished bossing me around?" he asked with a small smile.

"You look splendid," said Sirius, regaining some of his earlier bravado, as he proceeded to fix Remus' bow-tie, stepping back to admire his handiwork. "If you don't snog someone before the night is over, I'll eat my hat!"

"Good thing you're not wearing a hat, so!" replied Remus dryly, as the four of them set off for the hall.

…

"She'll be here, Prongs," said Remus, looking at his friend steadily and resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

"Yeah, she's a bird, course she will be!" muttered Peter distractedly, staring at the sumptuous menu. He was trying to decide whether to have roast pheasant with parsnip purée or wild boar with twice fried chips, and he wondered why on earth he couldn't just have both. The Christmas Ball at Hogwarts promised more culinary treats than he could have predicted.

"It's make or break night, folks," said Sirius grinning. "If she orders the Wild Venison with Beetroot Crisps, this relationship is screwed!"

James threw a napkin ring at Sirius and was pleased to see it hit Sirius right on his forehead.

"Ouch! Uncalled for, mate!" said Sirius crossly.

"Piss off!" he said. "Go and bother one of those Ravenclaws, nine o'clock, they've been ogling you since we got here."

Sirius turned around to glance at them casually, pretending to scan the room and carelessly flipped his hair, before turning back to James and stretching loudly. Most of the hall was filled with students by now, chattering wildly and no doubt flirting wildly too, thought Sirius.

"Can't help it if I'm irresistible, can I? Mark my words, I'll be fighting them off before the night is over. How would you describe my predicament, Moony?" he said smirking, and winked at Remus.

Remus rolled his eyes.

"You know, using one of your big words, the ones the rest of us have never even heard of?

"If you don't stop talking, I'm going to have to decollate you! Cacophany is the best word to describe the rubbish coming out of your mouth!" Remus sounded grumpy, but a small smile escaped him.

"Ah, decollate, cacophony!" said Sirius dreamily. "See what I mean, Prongs? I've no idea what he just said, but doesn't it make me sound like I'm terribly sexy?"

"Idiot!" snorted Remus.

"Big-headed idiot!" added James.

"Conceited, cocksure, immodest idiot," continued Remus.

"Hey!" said Sirius, feigning upset. "I'm pretty sure those are not the types of adjectives I was looking for!"

"I'm pretty certain they're correct though," said Peter joining in.

"What's with the ganging up on me?" Sirius asked. "I mean I get you're jealous and everything but – well, well, would you look at who's making a grand entrance?"

James looked up and froze.

Someone was walking down the curved staircase. She wore a figure-hugging, long, blue velvet dress. It was of simple design, square necked, sleeveless, with a low back. As she walked the slit in the skirt showed off her long legs and T-strap high-heeled shoes. She wore no jewellery whatsoever, but her glorious hair was scooped into a low, messy side-bun with waves of auburn curls escaping around her ears.

"Fucking hell!" said James, standing up.

"Evans sure scrubs up well," said Sirius, emitting a low whistle. "What colour is she wearing?"

"Shut up, Pads, don't be rude!" said Remus giving him a sharp dig in the ribs. "And it's petrol blue."

"Petrol blue, I love the smell of petrol," contemplated Sirius. "That girl's got taste! Oi, Evans, over here!"

Remus groaned and raised his hand to interrupt him, thought better of it, closed his mouth and brought his fingers to his mouth, biting his index finger. What sort of imbeciles was he associated with?

Lily seemed to have heard him, as she turned towards them smiling. She looked radiant, and confident, and slightly embarrassed – an overwhelmingly attractive combination, thought James.

"Well Prongs, how would you describe Evans?" Sirius asked wickedly.

"Er… unstoppable," replied James, continuing to stare at the vision in front of him.

"Really? Unstoppable? Is that the best you can do? Not something like Goddess-like, ravishingly beautiful, exquisite?" Sirius was staring at his friend as if he had two heads.

"Yeah, well, I didn't mean that," said James hastily, as Lily approached closer. He had meant that he would never stop finding Lily so attractive, and that he was royally screwed, and that he hoped nothing would stop them ending up together some day. "When I'm around Evans, I have world – finding difficulties.

Sirius and Peter snorted with laughter.

"I mean, word – finding difficulties!" said James, blushing slightly.

"I don't know, Prongs, I think you may have hit the nail on the head, so to speak!" said Remus, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Fuck off!" said James, whacking him on the head with his napkin.

"Excuse me?" said Lily who had reached their table and was standing right in front of James.

"No, no!" said James hurriedly. "I was talking to Remus!"

Peter and Sirius tried to hide their laughter by feigning a coughing fit, while Remus rolled his eyes at Lily and raised his palms in a gesture of helplessness. The orchestra had meanwhile started to play a slow-set. Sirius had previously bribed the conductor to play some muggle music, minus the lyrics. He didn't really know any slow muggle songs, so he had given them some sheet music and asked them to play it slowly.

"Is that…?" began Lily, staring at the orchestra quizzically.

"Yeah, Thin Lizzy, _The Boys Are Back in Town_ ," said Sirius proudly. "It was my idea. Inspired really."

" _The Boys Are Back in Town_ as a slow set?" Lily replied incredulously, eyes twinkling, and eyebrows practically disappearing into her hairline.

"Why not?" Sirius shrugged. "Good song."

Lily shook her head and stared at James. She thought he looked divine, in his charcoal grey dress robes, white shirt, tanned skin, sparkling eyes. She wanted to kiss him. Or at least tell him he was an idiot and run her fingers through his hair.

"Why are you standing up?" she asked him.

"He wanted to ask you to dance, Evans," replied Sirius.

"Oh, in that case, let's go, Potter. I think this may be a one in a lifetime chance to waltz to Thin Lizzy!" said Lily beaming, her green eyes dancing merrily.

She stretched out her hand towards James. James looked at it and her in turn, unable to stop himself staring at her upturned, plump, coral lips.

"Yeah, fair enough," he said huskily, pulling her over to the dance floor, and trying to ignore the dagger looks that Snape was sending his way.

"Congratulations all round, I suppose!" said Sirius grinning widely. "How would you describe the sight of them dancing together? Cacophany, was it?"

"Prat!" replied Remus grinning back. "Symphony, if anything!"

"Ah, what an evening!" said Sirius, sighing contentedly. "Where would the rest of you be without my eloquence? The next song is going to be Pink Flloyd. I bet Evans can't resist fox-trotting to _Have a Cigar._ Gentlemen, I am a genius!"

….

For some reason dancing with Evans was easy, James found, any awkwardness from the recent Amortentia Incident seemed to vanish as soon as he held her in his arms. She wasn't even an accomplished ballroom dancer, but she seemed to know what to do and where to go, as if they had done this before, many times.

"You're good at this, Potter," said Lily smiling up at him contentedly, as they glided across the floor in perfect step.

"Excuse me, do you mind repeating that, Evans? It may be the only time I ever get to hear you compliment me!" he flashed back, grinning.

"Don't get greedy!" Lily replied, pursing her lips. "Truth is, if I were to compliment you on everything you're good at, we'd be here till tomorrow and your head wouldn't fit through those doors, so…"

James cocked his head to one side and smiled again.

"I've no idea what you mean Evans! Care to enlighten me?"

"No way! You know exactly what I mean!" she scoffed, arching her brow.

Lily saw Sirius nearby, leading Mary expertly through the crowd, looking unfairly elegant. As they swept past, he winked at Lily and whispered in her ear.

"Ask him to speak to you in Italian!"

"What?" asked James, eying his best friend suspiciously.

"No way!" said Lily, looking from Sirius to James with interest. "Can you really speak Italian?"

"Yeah, course," he nodded casually. "I've been going there with my parents for years, would be a bit sad if I couldn't by now!"

"Say something, so!" challenged Lily.

James shrugged his shoulders.

"Va bene, Evans. Sei una ragazza affascinante, vorrei tanto baciarti, ma ho paura che tu vuoi solo essere mia amica, non la mia fidanzata." *

Lily stared at him, biting her lower lip. _Shit, shit, shit, this was madness. How was she supposed to act all normal and I-just-want-to-be-your-friend, if he did this to her? With that voice? In that accent? Looking that good?_

"That's not fair," she said, in a slightly breathy voice.

"Why?" asked James, looking a bit self-conscious. _Oh Merlin, don't tell me she can speak it too, he panicked._

"Well, that is," said Lily, clearing her throat and looking flushed. "Er, well… I've no idea what you just said. Could have insulted me for all I know, and then I'd have no chance to sass you back!"

A massive grin spread across James' face.

"Ha! For once! that would be a change!" he said, teasingly.

"Okay, what _did_ you say, Potter?" said Lily, regaining her composure with much effort.

"Oh, you know, em, are you open for business and do you take reservations…" he said, running his hand through his hair and adjusting his bow-tie, and cursing himself silently. _Really? Had he really just said that?_

Lily laughed as she looked up at him with her shining green eyes.

"I somehow doubt that's what you said, Potter!" she said lightly.

"Well, more or less, Evans," he said waving his hand in a rather vague manner.

"It's a lovely language," said Lily.

"I love it," said James warmly. "I love everything about that country. If things were different here, if Voldemort and his followers disappeared, I'd love to spend more time there."

"I've never heard anyone in Hogwarts mention Italian magical communities or schools," Lily said.

"That's because there are hardly any wizards or witches living in Italy nowadays," replied James. "Apparently in the past there were quite a number of wizarding communities in the north of Italy especially, but that in time a lot of them gave up their magical ways and decided to live as muggles. Now there are very few left, literally a handful in the Cinque Terre near Genoa and south of Siena in Tuscany, where we usually go on our holidays."

"Why's that?" asked Lily, clearly interested, and leaning forwards slightly.

"Because it so bloody amazing, there's no need for magic – the landscape, the food, the wine, the music, the art, the architecture, the people… it's perfect as is! As you can imagine, Voldemort and his followers apparently think it's a horrendous place!" said James enthusiastically, gesturing as he spoke.

"You could pass for an Italian right now!" Lily grinned at him. "I'd love to see it, we learnt all about the Renaissance in Muggle Studies, but I've never been there."

"I'd love to take you there," said James, daring to draw her a little closer, his twinkling hazel eyes gazing into her clear emerald ones as he spoke. "The landscape near Siena with its ancient farmhouses, cypress trees lining the unpaved white roads, fields of wildflowers during Springtime and burnt orange and gold wheat fields in Summer, transforming into a lunar landscape as the year fails."

Lost in thought, he recalled the image he had seen of them as a family in that very part of Italy.

"That was uncharacteristically eloquent, Potter," said Lily quietly, gazing at those lips and that hair and that jaw. "You're full of surprises tonight."

"Molto insolito!"** he smiled, looking down at the floor momentarily, in a self-deprecating way.

"Stop that!" she burst out, biting her bottom lip. She absolutely couldn't stand when he looked like that, it made her literally feel weak at the knees.

"What?" he said, slightly apprehensively, running his fingers through his wild hair again.

She was going to kiss him. Merlin, she was losing it, she couldn't help it, even if there were standing in the middle of the dance-floor. She saw James' eyes widen with surprise as her lips moved closer to his.

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

The bell in the Great Hall boomed as the Sonorous Charm amplified it to a startling degree.

"Dinner is served! Could all the students please make their way to their tables at once to facilitate the House Elves who will be taking your dinner orders on this special occasion!" Dumbledore's voice reverberated throughout the room, echoing from the domed, curved ceiling.

James and Lily both jumped at the loud noise, pulling back slightly. Lily blushed a vivid shade, and hurriedly brushed a stray curl behind her ear.

"So, yes, dinner! Great!" she said loudly, picking at an invisible thread on her dress. "I'm starving!"

"Er, yeah," began James, running a hand over his face, cursing Dumbledore's shit timing. There was just no way he had imagined what nearly happened there. No way.

"See you later," she nodded cheerfully.

"Later, Evans," he sighed, watching her retreating figure with a mixture of awe and longing.

…..

"That meal was stunning!" said Sirius, heaving a sigh as he pushed the dessert plate away from him contentedly.

"Stellar!" agreed Remus, moving his glass under the table and feeling vaguely guilty as Peter poured him a generous quantity of contraband Firewhisky.

"Delectable!" added Peter, slumping back into the chair, and consuming a large amount of Firewhisky in one gulp. He was expecting Sirius to start lobbing sticking charms his way any minute now, so he was working up the courage to go and chat up Maverley.

The three of them looked at James who appeared to be daydreaming, fork doodling with the lemon dessert still on his plate.

They all eye-rolled simultaneously.

"Oi! Prongs!" called Sirius loudly, causing the boy in question to emerge from his trace with a start.

He leaned over to James, elbowing him gently.

"Pretty impressive, your pursuit of Evans is definitely looking brighter! Although the evening obviously needed my skill and expertise, which I happily obliged you with, no thanks necessary," he said in a self-satisfied tone.

James snorted quietly and chuckled.

"And what exactly are you waiting for now, eh?" Sirius added, pointing to the orchestra which was about to commence playing.

"Yeah, alright," began James, when he suddenly furrowed his brow. "What the…?"

Sirius looked at him with confusion until he spotted what James was referring to.

"Fuck that!" he spat out, a mixture of disbelief and disgust.

Lily Evans had stepped out onto the dance-floor with one Severus Snape.

"Back in a mo," whispered Sirius, shimmying gracefully under the table, before James could stop him.

…..

"I, ahem, wasn't really expecting you to say yes," began Severus, regarding Lily with some trepidation.

It had been a rash move, most unlike him. But he had had too much Firewhisky, and she had looked so attractive, and he had felt a surge of possessive jealousy seeing her dancing and flirting in Potter's arms. And he hadn't been anywhere near her, let alone touched her, in months. So there he was, despite his own misgivings, and aware of the horrified looks on his House mates' faces. He knew he would have to come up with some plausible excuse for why he was dancing with a mudblood. Especially Lily Evans. They knew he used to be friends with her. It had made his life quite awkward for a time, half-baked excuses about his mother expecting him to talk to her because she was acquainted with the Evans.

"Why, whatever do you mean, Severus?" replied Lily, with a hard edge to her voice. "Pray do go on."

"That is, I'm obviously pleased you responded in a positive manner to my," continued Severus hastily.

"Perhaps you'd be better off cutting the bullshit right there, Severus," interrupted Lily, in an unnaturally high tone of voice.

Severus stiffened visibly and stared at her. He noted how gingerly she was holding on to him, as if she would rather be somewhere else.

"I agreed to dance with you for one reason only. To give you a chance to own up and apologise. Oh I think you know exactly what I am referring to, don't you? Or do I need to drag the truth out of you? I'm not a fool, Severus," her voice shook slightly, her slender frame defiant as she regarded him angrily.

She was unable to tell how he was feeling, his face was such a mask nowadays - emotionless, detached, cold. Like he had built a wall between himself and the rest of the world. She searched for the confused, sarcastic, intelligent little boy she had known, and found nothing.

Severus felt his mouth going dry.

"I have no idea," he began coldly.

"Yes you do, you're a liar!" accused Lily interrupting him, her breathing fast now. "It was you who spread those horrible rumours about me, wasn't it? Do you deny it?"

He hesitated slightly, eyes moving quickly as he tried to think his way out of this mess. His gaze fell on a large black dog crouched down at the side of the dancefloor, staring at him, a low, threatening growl directed at him. Like he had personally offended him. He didn't like dogs.

He backed away marginally.

"Oh forget it, Severus," said Lily, her voice wavering again. "I thought if I challenged you about this, you might have the decency to admit what you did, and apologise. I was clearly mistaken."

Severus kept his face neutral but couldn't help the gnawing guilt that settled in the pit of his stomach as he watched her try to reign in her strong emotions. Part of him couldn't help but be astounded that she had just admitted to this – to affording him the benefit of the doubt, that she thought he would be strong enough to admit his wrongdoing. And even more surprisingly, that it sounded like she would have been prepared to forgive him if he asked.

"Lily," he said, wringing his hands once before regaining control of himself, knowing he wasn't going to live up to her expectations.

She looked back at him, waiting for him to continue, now knowing he wouldn't.

"Lily," he repeated more quietly, stepping away from her. "I did it for your own good. I could see the way things were heading that you were going to end up dating Potter unless I intervened."

Lily stared at him dumbstruck. Severus mistook this silence and continued a bit more confidently.

"He's never going to bring you any joy, and all I'm trying to do is attempting to ensure your future happiness. I can see you're confused by him. Thankfully, I'm not."

She was clearly taken in by Potter, Severus knew that, like many other girls, apparently. Plus, how could she not see that befriending a blood traitor was too dangerous for a mudblood these days, he asked himself. He took a step forwards and placed his hand on her arm.

"Lily, I could see you weren't making good decisions for yourself, so as a friend I was forced to take the necessary steps to put an end to it. I can't say it's been fully successful, but at least I tried. You'll thank me in the end. You must know I'm doing this because I-"

"Don't you dare say you're doing this because you care for me! Trying to control me, deciding who I can be friends with, who I should be allowed to go out with – none of it has anything to do with you being my friend," she said, her finger nails digging into her palms, her chest heaving as she failed to stop her voice breaking. She seemed to grow in stature, while he felt himself shrinking. "Well it's never going to happen, Severus, I'm never going to want to be with you that way, no matter what you do. So stay away from me, I mean it. And as for you being my friend, you ceased being one a long time ago, through your own choices."

Severus stood stock still, she wasn't even sure he could hear her any more.

"Just go," Lily said, shakily. "Or I'll make a scene that your Death-Eater pals won't like!"

That seemed to revive him.

"You'll see I'm right," he muttered as he turned around and walked out of the room fuming.

The large black dog that had been growling at Severus wagged his tail and came up to Lily, rubbling his nose against her dress. She bent down distractedly and petted his soft, shaggy head, and under his jaw. The dog made a happy sound.

"Good boy," she said warmly, while staring at Severus' retreating figure. "I bet you don't like him, do you?"

The dog gave a menacing growl.

"Ha! I knew you were intelligent!" said Lily triumphantly, the nauseous feeling in her stomach abating. "You're right, you know, but I'm not going to let him interfere in my life anymore! The sickening thing is that he thinks he's right. Well sod him! I'll let you in on a secret I haven't told a soul, shall I?"

The dog whined excitedly and raised his paw.

"You're too cute, with those huge grey eyes!" she chuckled quietly. "Promise me you won't tell anyone?"

The dog cocked his head to one side as though confused. He whined sadly this time and dropped his head to the floor, his large expressive eyes regarding her.

"Do you promise?"

The dog sat up and raised his paw and placed it in her hand.

"Good boy!" she laughed happily, scratching behind his ears as he wagged his tail.

"I'll let you in on a secret so. I think I've fallen for James Potter, badly! He apparently used to fancy me a bit, for a while anyway, but now he just wants to be friends. Just when I find out that as well as being incredibly fit, which I already knew, his personality is just as attractive. Now that I realise he's bloody perfect, he'll probably waltz off with some dumb bimbo! Worse luck, hey?"

The dog appeared to choke on something, groaned, and then collapsed to the floor and hid his face behind his paws.

….

 _* Alright, Evans. You're a fascinating girl, I would so like to kiss you, but I'm afraid you only want to be my friend, not my girlfriend._

 _**Most unusual_

Your comments cheer me up no end, thanks again, I really appreciate hearing from you!


	13. Chapter 13: Taking the Bait

Ok so firstly, let me start by stating that in case it isn't glaringly obvious yet, I am a massive James Fleamont Potter fan. And I absolutely cannot stand when in fics he is portrayed as possessive and controlling of Lily, as if she really didn't have much choice in going out with him. Let's face it, Lily was the brightest witch of her age (didn't Voldemort try to recruit them both?), and there is no way she was a doormat. Hence this chapter.

PS Yes I do speak Italian, although don't claim to be perfect at writing it so any errors let me know!

Chapter 13: Taking the Bait

It was wild and wet the next day, a proper winter's morning, with sideways rain and freezing fog. Few people had shown up for the Gryffindor quidditch team's usual Saturday training, despite the start time being postponed by two hours. Many nursed an unusual array of symptoms such as nausea, pounding headache and acute sensitivity to light and noise, which were in no way related to the previous night's festivities. James was wrecked now, muscles stiff and sore from the gruelling training, and from the lack of sleep. He was looking forward to a hot bath and a mid-morning snooze followed by brunch. And he was feeling confident and hopeful. Because despite Evans leaving the Ball early last night, she had pretty definitely been bloody flirting with him, and she had maybe, quite possibly, if not probably, nearly kissed him. Sirius had informed him smugly that Evans had confronted Snape over his recent behaviour and sent him packing, with a warning to keep away from her.

"Good shot, Woods!" he called out, as the Beater dived elegantly and brought his broomstick to an abrupt halt right in front of his other team mates, who were already waiting for them beside the pitch entrance. James sped back at an alarming speed and jumped off his broom seconds later.

"Well done, chaps!" he said grinning at them proudly, and clapping a few on the back.

His team mates grinned back happily.

"That's enough work for today, dismissed!" he called, heading back towards the covered walkway leading to the castle.

"Go and have a shower and a rest, Potter," Steve Woods shouted after him. "And get rid of that cough, mate!"

He waved back dismissively.

"Always first on the pitch and last off," commented Woods, shaking his head. "Always works twice as hard as everyone else."

"Which is why he can ask us to do anything and we'll bloody do it!" smiled Ronan O'Hara, looking at his captain with affection. "Honestly lads, I could follow that fella into battle, I trust him that much! He can be a right pain in the arse and gives out shit and all, but he's bleedin' deadly! Like if he says he's disappointed in me, it's fucking worse than if me Da said it, you get me?"

"You Irish blokes have a way with words!" laughed Woods. "And I'm not disagreeing with you either, Ronan! He _is_ bloody brilliant!"

"Hey, Potter, have you snogged Evans yet?" called out Penny Maverley, the Gryffindor seeker, with a wink at her team mates.

James made a rude gesture with his hand and kept walking.

"You're wearing her down, Potter, she'll give in eventually!" laughed Woods.

If there was one thing they enjoyed, it was taking the piss out of their captain.

…..

He was whistling to himself cheerfully, throwing the snitch in the air and catching it, Christmas was in the air, and he loved this time of year. He'd be rid of Malum and her God-awful detentions, he'd be home soon, Sirius would be there as part of his family and maybe, just maybe…

"You make me sick," Severus Snape's voice echoed down the corridor from behind him, as he stepped out of an alcove where he had been waiting for James.

James felt his blood boil. He clenched his jaw and cursed silently. Did Snape want him to attack him and end up in Evans' bad books? With every ounce of self-control he could muster, he forced himself to keep walking.

"Expelliarimus!" Snape's hand shot out and grabbed the wand as it flew out of his pocket.

James turned around immediately, and began striding back towards him, all attempts to master his anger utterly abandoned. He could end up expelled for all he cared.

"What the fuck do you want, Snivellus?" he asked through gritted teeth, taking back his wand. If looks could kill, Severus was dead.

"I'd like you to leave Evans alone and stop forcing her into a relationship with you!" Severus replied coldly, eying him with utter contempt.

James grabbed him by the collar and shoved him forcefully against the stone wall, his face inches away from Severus' own.

"What the fuck do you mean?" he asked, seething. He was beside himself with rage.

"Stop pleading your innocence here, it's pathetic!" fumed Severus.

"If anyone is interfering with Evans' love life it's you, you sad bastard!" shouted James furiously.

"Oh really," hissed Snape, his dark eyes dangerously alight. "Kindly explain why Lily had only ever had two boyfriends, and outside of that why you can count on two hands the number of times she's been asked on a date to Hogsmeade? Despite lots of guys being crazy about her? Despite her being one of the hottest girls in the entire school? Everyone knows why, Potter. It's all your doing."

"What the fuck do you mean?" repeated James, with barely suppressed fury, still maintaining a vice-like grip on Severus' collar.

"It's because of you, obviously. All the other guys are too scared or intimidated by you to ask her out, when it's clear you want her. You keep asking her out relentlessly, and she keeps saying no, and you're never going to stop till she says yes, are you?" sneered Severus.

"I asked her out three times in total, last year, when I was being a dickhead. I haven't asked her on a date for nearly seven months!" James replied hotly, loosening his grip on the other.

"Too late though, isn't it?" scoffed Severus. "It's out there now, an unwritten law. Stay away from Evans or you'll end up in deep shit. Until she's no choice but to agree to go out with you."

James stared at him. He had never threatened anyone like that. His mouth had gone dry, he felt bile sticking in his throat, and a wave of guilt settled on his chest like a ton weight. Snippets of conversations over the previous year replayed in his mind:

 _"You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone." (Lily)_

 _"I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go on . . . Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again." (James)_

 _"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," (Lily)_

 _"That's your Lily, is it?" (Mrs. Lupin)_

 _"What? No! She's just a girl in our class… very nice, that's all." (James)_

 _"You two really are pathetic, you know that? Do you have to be the centre of attention at all costs? It's fine, we're leaving, you can go back to behaving like brainless bimbos, don't worry!" (Lily)_

 _"Stay away from him, Lily, he's bad news for you!" (Severus)_

 _"I never realised Evans was so damned attractive," (Fayard)_

 _"I did," (James)_

 _"Oh sorry, mate, I completely forgot you guys have a thing. I'll go and find myself another bird who isn't someone else's property!" (Fayard)_

 _"Mary said she told her that she was really relieved she didn't, that you were completely right, that she sees you as a great friend too, and is really glad nothing happened to spoil that." (Sirius)_

 _"You're wearing her down, Potter, she'll give in eventually!" (Woods)_

He struggled to breathe, his mind an emotional maelstrom.

"I never told anyone to stay away from her… what am I supposed to do?" he answered hoarsely, letting go of Severus, and regarding him bitterly.

"Swear you won't go out with her this school year, make everyone aware of that, and see what happens. If she wants you she'll wait, won't she? Give her a chance to meet other guys, and prove you're not the controlling bastard I know you are!" Snape finished, with a twist to his mouth.

James looked stricken. He felt physically sick, light-headed. Were other guys really avoiding Lily because of him? Maybe Snape was right. Maybe Lily didn't like him at all, just wanted to be friends with him and felt pressured into something more?

He shivered violently. For the first time in his life he hated himself.

"So much for fucking Gryffindor chivalry!" spat out Snape, sensing his inner turmoil, even without resorting to Legilimency. _Potter was always so easy to read, he thought with disgust._

James swallowed thickly.

"I'll do it," he said in a hollow voice.

"Swear it," demanded Severus, unable to believe his luck. "Make an Unbreakable Vow!"

"I give you my word, Severus," James said, grabbing his shirt with his fist, his heart hammering. "You don't need anything else!"

"Fine," replied Severus, fighting the urge to smile, and feeling a surge of power. "And under no circumstances can you divulge this to anyone, the whole thing is pointless if Evans and others know the truth."

"I give you my word," he repeated dully.

…..

The Gryffindor common room was decidedly quiet, due to the aforementioned maladies. Sirius was supposed to have been at training with James, but had feigned a massive hangover to avoid it as he felt too lazy, and was now lounging on the leather sofa with his eyes closed, as though looking this close to perfection required high levels of concentration. Remus and Peter were playing chess in front of the fire, and discussing what they were going to purchase in Zonko's later that afternoon. Mary was pretending to read a Muggle magazine but secretly contemplating the blissful sight of her almost-boyfriend. And Lily was reading "the Thirty-Nine Steps" and gathering her courage.

James Potter stormed into the room, practically taking the door off its hinges, smouldering with indignation. Or self-loathing. Or both.

"Ah, a less than entirely successful practice session?" enquired Remus, with typical understatement.

Lily looked up and hitched her breath. His quidditch uniform was stuck to him, accentuating the muscles on his chest and arms, drops of perspiration and rain dripping off him, wet hair plastered to his face, mud spattering his clothes. If James didn't look like the spitting image out of one of the embarrassing dreams that she had been having about him, then she was still dreaming.

"That's all right, Potter, why don't I cheer you up and ask you on a date to Hogsmeade this afternoon?" she managed, standing up and impressed by her own ability to sound so nonchalant while her pulse was racing at an alarming rate.

"Did you just ask me out on a date?" croaked James.

It was supremely unclear to Lily why he should look so devastated by this fact.

"Yes," she said bravely, raising her chin and folding her arms as though preparing for a row.

"Fuck! Fucking bloody fucking…" James exploded, experiencing word-finding difficulties to articulate how he felt.

You could have heard a pin drop for a split second.

Then Sirius crashed off the couch and onto the floor with a loud thud.

Eyes burning, James walked out, slamming the door with such force that the portraits shrieked in fright.

Remus was the first to recover.

"Head injury," he turned to Lily matter-of-factly, standing up.

"Bludgeon to the back of the head," added Sirius, picking himself up (and mouthing "WTF?" behind Lily's back).

"Loses it completely when this happens," confirmed Peter, lying through his teeth surprisingly convincingly. "Last time he was under the misapprehension that he was a Slytherin and tried to evict us from our dorm."

 _This calls for the big guns (as they say in Muggle Studies), thought Sirius, giving Mary a look that said "don't say I told you so"._

"Remus, I think you should handle this?"

…

Would really love some more feedback on the story so far, have very clear ideas about some parts, including the three times Lily and James defy Voldemort, Sirius and Remus' relationship and how Lily saves Harry, but otherwise open to suggestions and love hearing which bits you liked! Your comments are literally my caffeine (high praise indeed!). I may not be able to post for a while as work is atrocious but definitely keeps me going to hear from you. Thank you SO MUCH to all of you who left reviews, especially Schak and Alliead for being so loyally great at this!


	14. Chapter 14: The Whatsit Problem

Chapter 14: The Whatsit Problem

"So, you can't tell me what happened?" Remus asked.

"Correct," said James, repeatedly kicking the corridor wall with his foot, and wincing slightly.

"And you can't go near Lily, by which I mean as more than friends, for the rest of 6th Year?" Remus confirmed.

James sighed and nodded wearily. He slid down the wall and sat there with his head in his hands.

"And now you need to come up with a passable excuse for this madness without hurting Lily's feelings?" said Remus sounding bewildered.

"Exactly," said James, eying Remus hopefully.

"Merlin!" said Remus, ruefully rubbing his chin. "Should be a doddle, so!"

"By which I mean, not! Fucking nightmare, this is, Prongs!" added Remus crossly, as he saw James' eyes widen. "If you think I can pull this off, you're bonkers, mate!"

"I have complete and utter faith in your abilities," said James, giving him an appreciative smile.

"No pressure on me, so," said Remus warily, placing both hands on his face and grabbing fistfuls of hair. "Remind me how you manage to consistently come first in the class when you're clearly a walking disaster, with zero capacity to keep out of trouble?"

"I am a disaster…" muttered James to himself.

Remus shook his head. Whatever the hell was going on, he didn't like it one bit. And he hated seeing his usually infinitely optimistic friend looking so down in the dumps. And defeated.

"Fine, I'll do my very best, but I can't promise a miracle, Prongs!" Remus said finally, stretching out his hand to pull James up.

"Thanks, Moony, I owe you," replied James gratefully, heaving himself up reluctantly.

…..

The four Marauders were huddled beside the lake, under the willow, later that afternoon, having triple-checked on the map that nobody was around, at Remus' insistence.

"Couldn't you have picked a better spot, Moony?" said Sirius grumpily, hugging himself and shivering with the cold. "What's with the big secrecy? Did you, or did you not, speak with Evans?"

Remus rolled his eyes and cast a warming spell over them.

"When you hear what I have to say, you'll understand," he said grimly, looking at James in particular.

"Oh shit," said James, groaning and running his hand through his unruly hair again. "It didn't go well, she hates me, and is planning on never speaking to me again?"

Peter looked at him with concern and patted his arm a few times, self-consciously.

"Well, yes, at the start," began Remus, a slight upturn to his lips. "I believe her exact words were 'There better be a good expla-fucking-nation for this, Remus!', followed by various descriptions of what she planned on doing to you otherwise."

James couldn't help snorting.

"That's her alright, unstoppable!"

"What's with this "unstoppable" lark, James? Your descriptions of Lily are incompetent, inadequate and hopeless!" sighed Remus, becoming frustrated.

"Hurry up and tell us what happened, damn it!" said Sirius, who was extremely frustrated himself by that stage, having very limited patience to draw upon. "Is it safe for Prongs to return to Gryffindor Tower, or does he need to start looking for a bed in the Hufflepuff dorms?"

"It's fine," said Remus with a slightly guilty look at James again.

"Spit it out!" demanded James immediately.

"Well, I explained that due to extremely personal reasons, you were unable to date anyone for the rest of the year… and she may have taken this to mean something quite, er, specific," said Remus, looking distinctly uncomfortable and pointing vaguely in the direction of James' lap.

"What do you mean?" asked James, completely perplexed.

"Er, well, she may be under the misapprehension that … things aren't quite working up to scratch at the moment in… that department," Remus finished lamely, scratching the back of his neck.

"In what department?" began James, stopping suddenly and looking horrified. "Do you mean, down… below, in the er, "wand" department?"

"I do," said Remus, biting his cheek.

"She what?" said Sirius, looking equally horrified, but exploding with laughter and practically choking himself.

"Oh, hell!" said Peter, unable to contain himself, as tears spilt onto his cheeks. "I'm sorry Prongs, but that is the funniest thing I've ever heard!"

"Holy Merlin, Moony!" said James looking petrified. "And you didn't dissuade her from this completely erroneous belief?"

"Nice vocab, Prongs! Need to get you properly scared more often!" chuckled Sirius.

"Of course I did," interrupted Remus defensively. "But the more I vehemently denied it, the more she seemed inclined to believe it. And with that, she went from wanting to kill you, to being extremely kind and embarrassed and… well, motherly, I suppose. Enquired for your wellbeing, and said she wouldn't tell a single soul, and she completely understood."

"Motherly?" said James, completely aghast, and clearly under the impression that this was the worse piece of news he could have received. " _Motherly? Embarrassed_? _She's_ embarrassed? Fucking hell, Moony, I hope to Merlin you got her to make an Unbreakable Vow about this business, because if this gets out I'm… fucking hell, Moony… aargh!"

"Oh calm down, Prongs," said Sirius. "She's the soul of discretion, she didn't tell anyone about Moony being a thing-a-ma-jig, she's hardly going to blab about this!"

Remus raised his brows in amusement.

"Oh yeah, _calm down, Prongs_ ," retorted James sarcastically. "As if you wouldn't literally die of shame if it were you! You'd be pissing in your pants with fear! Calm down, my arse!"

"Now boys, enough talking about inappropriate subjects!" said Peter tartly, in a perfect rendition of Mc Gonagall's voice. "This matter is now settled. Well, Remus, what can I say? An extremely inventive solution!"

"It was NOT my idea," said Remus vehemently, looking concernedly at James. "I did try to impress on her that she had reached a mistaken conclusion. I mean if any of you can do better, by all means go ahead."

"Something to do with quidditch?" suggested James, grimacing.

"I actually started off with that, said you were too busy with quidditch and had decided to forego all romantic notions for the rest of the year," said Remus.

"And?" James leaned forwards.

"She told me if that was your excuse, she was going to feed you to the giant squid!"

"Right," said James, flopping backwards with evident disappointment.

"I think she now thinks it may have been a quidditch-related injury," added Remus, wincing.

Sirius' eyes widened.

"You mean, one too many bludgeons to the whatsit, ahem, as opposed to the back of the head?"

Remus shrugged.

"Great!" retorted James flatly.

"She seems to believe it's a temporary affliction," said Remus helpfully.

"Oh, well that's alright so, sodding-well marvellous!" said James darkly, as they made their way back towards the castle. "We are absolutely coming up with another excuse, chaps, or else I'm moving to Beauxbatons!"

"Do you know," Sirius whispered to Peter, with a shiver. "I've been thinking of giving up quidditch, it's a tad overrated, don't you think?"

…

To say that James avoided Lily like the plague would have been an understatement. He was able to momentarily forget about "The Whatsit Problem" as Sirius had taken to calling it, during the Christmas holidays. But as soon as the new term began, he steered clear of being anywhere within a mile radius of her when at all possible, which was relatively simple, when you were one of the proud owners of a magical map. He also avoided Snape (who in his mind _was_ a plague), as he feared any sort of interaction would result in serious bodily harm to the aforementioned tosser. James had decided to tell his team-mates that he wanted to win the Hogwarts Quidditch Cup more than ever, and that he was therefore increasing their training schedule, as well as "giving up women for the rest of the school year". A few eyebrows were raised, but in front of him, nobody commented on this.

This interesting piece of gossip rapidly spread throughout the rest of the school body, as James expected and wanted, with unforeseen consequences.

Firstly, James was flabbergasted to suddenly find a multitude of girls attempting to chat him up at every conceivable opportunity: at breakfast, in the corridors between classes, during classes (the piles of charmed paper birds with flirtatious messages went unread in the bin). According to Mary, they were vying with each other to see who could "persuade" Potter to break his "quidditch vow". Even though there seemed to be no indication that he was in any way interested in any of them (which only increased the challenge and the attraction, according to the girls involved), Lily Evans was fuming. She was beginning to think that Remus had hoodwinked her, but was too embarrassed to ask him.

Secondly, and just as irritatingly for Lily, a rumour also went around that she was very interested in dating (she reckoned if she found out Snape was responsible, she would hex him to eternity, but she couldn't prove a thing), and pining to be asked out. She therefore found herself suddenly being hounded for dates to the next Hogsmeade weekend, as well as receiving random knowing winks and suggestively raised brows from boys she didn't know, which made her feel uncomfortable and irritable. Merlin, if she wanted to go on a bloody date with someone, she would just bloody well ask them! What did they think she was? A few of them attempted to make more daring (a.k.a. creepy) advances, which promptly landed them in Madam Pomfrey's care. Which was how Lily found herself scheduled for detention one Friday evening at the end of January. She was extremely put out, to say the least. Those guys deserved what they got, and yet she was the one being punished.

James was only dimly aware of this, and certainly had no notion about those two incidents, due to his tenacious avoidance of Lily, and his friends were secretly relieved. It would only have made his glum mood even gloomier, which would have been pretty difficult, seeing as he already had double Divination to look forward to that day.

"Kindly refrain from making that infernal noise, Potter!" Malum exclaimed sharply. They were half an hour into the class, and James had been coughing non-stop for the previous ten minutes.

"I can't help it," James replied tetchily.

The coughing had definitely subsided when he had gone home for the holidays, but it was back with a vengeance now, and it was getting on his nerves as well.

"Well it's making it impossible for the rest of the students to focus on this important topic!" retorted Malum with an icy glare.

There was a timid knocking at the door.

"Come in! Come in!" called Malum, immediately assuming a pleasant countenance.

Eight House Elves entered the room, bent double under the weight of the four heavy pots they were carrying, the same pale green plants which they had given the Gryffindors for their party, Lily noted. There were two of those plants in Malum's classroom already, but she obviously had a liking for them.

"Oh how very kind of you!" Malum exclaimed, clasping her hands together with excitement. "Put them near the windows please!"

Once the House elves had departed, she continued smiling to herself in what Lily felt was a disturbing manner, playing with the myriad gold bracelets on her wrists.

…

"If you could stay back for a moment at the end of class, Potter?" she said to James, smiling sweetly at him as the class began to disperse.

James rolled his eyes without attempting to hide it.

"Yes?" he asked tersely, going up to her desk as requested.

"I really cannot have you deliberately distracting all the other students, Potter. Just because you always do well in your exams, doesn't mean you can be indifferent to their plight, with all your unnecessary racket, it's frightfully selfish. I am being very lenient, I shall only require an additional fourteen days of detention, commencing tonight. I do hope you didn't have any plans this evening? Seven o'clock, this classroom, there will be one other student serving detention with you there, I believe," she finished happily, swinging her heavy diamond earrings and exiting the room practically beaming.

 _"You know what, Professor, fuck off, and while you're at it, you can shove your detention…"_ James briefly considered whether it would be worth it just to see the look on her face.

He sighed. Sirius was at his Friday evening detention with Minnie. Frankly James was a bit jealous of this, although he'd never admit it. He really liked his Transfiguration Professor, and he felt like he could do with a sensible adult to talk to, although he doubted it would have done much good seeing as he couldn't tell anyone what was happening. She hadn't yet gotten back to him about his "visions" in the orb. He couldn't ask his parents' advice either. And Sirius did seem to be benefitting from his sessions with Minnie, James mused proudly. He was trying so hard, and the look on Sirius' face whenever he received an owl from Mia and Monty telling him so, was hard to describe. It was like the face of a little boy finding out he was on the Good List for Santa and his House Elves. Surprised, in fact incredulous, and mostly, extremely pleased. It maddened him that being praised by parents was such an unusual occurrence for Sirius, so much so that he couldn't quite bring himself to believe it. And Peter? Come to think of it, Peter was having his fortnightly meeting with Dumbledore, again James couldn't help feeling envious of this friend too. Peter was terribly bad at explaining to them what the meetings were about, but he seemed to look forward to them and come back looking confident and pleased with himself. And Remus was already asleep, recovery from his monthly ordeal.

The point was, he may as well be in detention as not, provided that hag left them on their own.

…..

When he spotted who the other student in detention was, though, he practically fell off his chair, blushing violently and wishing the ground would swallow him up. _Please, please, please let Malum stay there for the entirety of the detention, he thought wildly._ Lily for her part blushed profusely and sat as far away from him as she could. She felt she could cut the tension in the air like a knife. Malum seemed to have sensed this too, and her good humour increased considerably.

"Well, well," she said, gazing at them both in turn and revelling in their discomfort. "I think I'll leave you two to complete that essay, you have two hours. You seem to be such good pals! Enjoy it. Good luck!"

She breezed out, giving a mirthless laugh, her violet lipstick staining her upper teeth.

"Potter," Lily said stiffly, once Malum had left.

"Evans," he managed, unable to make eye contact.

Lily nodded and went back to her essay, which she seemed to be completing without much difficulty.

James sat with his left hand holding his head, occasionally glancing over at her, completely unable to focus on any work.

After a while, James could feel his chest constricting and the coughing recommenced in earnest.

"Are you alright, James?" Lily asked anxiously after a while. "You never went to see Pomfrey, did you?"

"No. I briefly mentioned it to my mum, who used to be a Healer, didn't want to worry her though. She said the symptoms sounded unusual, especially the fact that the cough was going on so long. But as I thought it was improving, I cancelled the appointment she had set up with the Healer…"

"You didn't get it checked out?"

James shook his head, unable to speak. He felt a tearing sensation and small lump in his throat, as he coughed harshly, holding the back of his forearm over his mouth.

"It's nothing, I'm fine," he rasped, staring down at his white shirt sleeve.

"Merlin, James!" said Lily in alarm, standing up and coming closer to him. "You're not fine! I'm not a doctor or a healer, but coughing up blood like that is not normal!"

James stared at the large patch of blood which covered his sleeve.

"Well, I've been feeling a bit," he began.

"I heard you were feeling unwell, James, but I didn't realise how bad it was!" she said, blushing again, and looking at the floor.

"It's not that bad," began James hurriedly, clearing his throat and wishing he had his invisibility cloak handy.

"I mean, I think I misunderstood, got the wrong end of the stick, with Remus," said Lily, gulping.

"What stick? You mean Remus' 'stick'?" asked James, who was feeling paranoid again, and was beginning to wonder if Lily was engaging in a double entendre. Merlin knew it was confusing him, the Marauders had also taken to calling it his 'non-existent problem in the wand department' for a while now. Stick, wand, whatsit - if they could just call it his...

"No, no, I don't… Merlin!" said Lily, looking horrified and bringing her hands to her cheeks in a vain attempt to stop the blush from escalating. "Remus? No!"

"I'm getting confused! Will you please just look after yourself, Potter?" she said finally, trying to sound more dispassionate and formal. "I've enough on my mind at the moment, without having to worry about you too."

"Right," said James, trying to steer the conversation onto safer territory. "Well, Malum landed me in detention after class today because of how irritating my cough was. It's about the only positive thing about having this tiresome thing! Anything that annoys her is a godsend as far as I'm concerned!"

"She what?" said Lily, bristling with indignation. "Horrid creature! She should have forced you up to the infirmary immediately, like any normal teacher would have! Will you get yourself seen?"

"Hang on, Evans, what did you mean?" said James frowning slightly. "What's worrying you at the moment, aside from my irritable airways?"

"Oh that," said Lily wearily, plonking herself down on the desk moodily, her legs kicking the air. "Nothing much, really. Nothing at all, compared to your illness! Forget about it!"

James raised his right eyebrow.

"Fine!" she relented, seeing that he really wanted to talk about something else. She decided it would be unwise to mention the unwanted recent attention. "It's just that things at home haven't been great… my sister has decided I'm more of a liability than ever, as she has a new fiancé who she's trying to impress. She told me I wasn't welcome to come home for Christmas. My parents wanted me back, but I ended up leaving and coming back to Hogwarts on Boxing Day, St. Stephen's Day, as my mother calls it."

"Why?" asked James, looking annoyed on her behalf.

"She told them that she couldn't bear me being there, so it was either I leave, or she was not going to introduce them to Vernon," she shuddered at the name. "My parents got into a massive row with her, and I just decided it was the right thing to do. Get out of their way. It's not their fault, they don't deserve any of it. If anything, it's my fault."

"How the hell is it your fault?" he asked in bewilderment.

"I don't know," she said lamely, looking around at the inhospitable, murky room as if trying to find a way of explaining it to him. "I feel like… I seem to drive everyone away. I think I'm helping, or doing the right thing, and it's never enough…"

She looked dejected and crestfallen, and alone, sitting on the desk in the dim candlelight. He fervently hoped he wasn't included in that list. All he wanted to do was hold her in his arms.

"Yeah, well," he said heavily, forcing himself not to move. "That's because they're idiots! And you do your best, but you can't change other people, Evans."

She looked over, her hands playing with the edge of her parchment, and smiled briefly.

"It's just hard when you happen to care for said idiots!" he added, smiling back softly. "You're allowed be upset about it, you know, it makes complete sense."

"Why do I always end up caring for idiots?" she asked, regarding him quietly, with those almond-shaped clear eyes.

He shook his head sadly.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered back.

He'd do anything for her, he realised. This whole mess that Snape had come up with - it was worth the intense embarrassment and frustration of it all, if it helped Lily figure out what she wanted.

Another coughing fit.

Lily watched silently as more blood appeared on his sleeve, bright red and spreading slowly over the white cotton, making her chest hurt in a different way.

She must be in love with him, she suddenly thought, the incontrovertible fact hitting her squarely in the chest.

She was in love with James Potter.

She drew a sharp intake of breath. It was amazing how slow she had been to realise it. Despite the fact that he clearly wasn't interested, whatever the truth was. She must be in love, because she couldn't stand watching him like this, and if she could have transferred whatever illness he had onto herself, she would gladly have done so.

He was so good about watching out for his friends' wellbeing, but pretty bloody useless when it came to his own. And maybe she could only be his friend, but if that was the case, she would be a damned good one.

 _That's it, she told herself grimly, I'm talking to Remus, and we are we going to get to the bottom of this, once and for all!_


	15. Future Continuous Events

Chapter 15: Future Continuous Events

"Remus! Remus!" hissed Lily urgently, trying to attract his attention from behind. The group of 6th Years, comprising of the Slytherin and Gryffindor students, stood clustered against one side of the long Defences Against the Dark Arts (DADA) classroom, waiting for Caradoc Dearborn to begin.

"Oh, hi," Remus said, turning around and smiling at her, before giving her a small peck on the cheek. He looked slightly disorientated. Or distracted.

"Happy 17th Birthday, Lily! Big day, eh?"

"Yeah, yeah," she replied hurriedly, hoping she didn't sound too dismissive, a determined look on her face. "We've more important things to discuss, Remus! Meet me after DADA, in the Prefects' classroom."

Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Be there!" Lily said authoritatively, with a look that reminded Remus of Mc Gonagall.

"Yes, Professor!" he replied teasingly.

"Oh, and Remus?" she added more quietly, tapping him on the shoulder again. "I'm sorry for the mix-up about James' illness."

"Oh, right… thank God!" said Remus, scrutinising her closely. Whilst visibly relieved, he couldn't help wondering what on earth had happened to change her mind.

"Ladies and gentlemen," began Dearborn, bringing Remus' attention back. "We have been practising various ways of dealing with curses and hexes since the start of the year. Which is all well and good…"

He left the sentence hanging in mid-air, regarding his students intently.

Remus couldn't help thinking Caradoc Dearborn was the coolest guy he had ever met, and that was quite a feat, seeing as one of his best friends was Sirius Black, a.k.a. coolest student in the entirety of Hogwarts' history (in his opinion). But Caradoc was older, mid-twenties by the looks of it, rugged, didn't give a toss about his appearance, and was an Auror. An Ex-Auror, wounded in battle. He had very short fair hair (probably because it meant it didn't get in his way when fighting with Moody's team, he reckoned), piecing sky blue eyes and crinkles at the corners of his eyes when he smiled. His jaw and chin were always covered in a short beard, which he was scratching absent-mindedly, sizing them up. He was without doubt the best DADA teacher they had had to date, and that was principally what made him so alluring in Remus' mind. Someone who looked hot and who you couldn't help admiring, it really was an attractive combination, and he couldn't help having a bit of a crush on him.

"Stop ogling Dearborn!" said Sirius, giving Remus a sharp dig in the ribs, in an irritated tone of voice.

Remus made a face.

"I wasn't, you weirdo," he muttered.

"He's not even good-looking!" continued Sirius, shaking his head in bewilderment.

Honestly, the man's nose was too long, in his opinion, and as far as Sirius was concerned, it was not all muscle, he was too stocky. Not that he was jealous or anything. It was simply that, seeing Remus looking admiringly at Dearborn supremely pissed him off, for some reason.

"He doesn't have to be," whispered Mary, giggling, and glancing at the professor approvingly. "He's ugly but desirable!"

"Ugly but desirable?" snorted Sirius, sounding very put out.

"Yeah," whispered Dorcas, winking at Mary. They all enjoyed seeing Sirius riled up. "You can be good-looking, but boring and unattractive, you know."

"Don't be daft," retorted Sirius, rolling his eyes and scowling.

"Plus, he's a hero," continued Mary, sighing contentedly and smirking at her friends.

"Yeah, well…" replied Sirius vaguely. He wasn't exactly sure how to phrase his thoughts without sounding like a massive twat. "There are other types of heroism. I know someone, I mean some people, who are more heroic than him!"

He glanced in Remus' direction.

"But can you put all that knowledge together, and use it to handle what's coming at you, without knowing what the next curse will be? That's the tricky part!" concluded Dearborn, in his clipped, no-nonsense accent.

They all regarded him somewhat anxiously (except for Sirius, who was regarding him haughtily).

"That's what we'll be practicing today," Dearborn continued sharply. "I'm dividing you into pairs. See how you get on. Obviously, no need to remind you that unforgivable curses are clearly forbidden…"

He glanced at a particular group of Slytherins as he said this, and remained staring at them for a few seconds. Severus Snape, Gordon Wilkes and Evan Rosier looked slightly uncomfortable under his gaze.

"Excellent," he said, smiling lightly and moving in between the students as he spoke.

"Meadows and Vance, Black and Lupin, Pettigrew and Beauchamp, Mc Millan and Fayard, Mac Donald and Woods," his eyes moved rapidly round the class. "I'm keeping you Gryffindors together, and Slytherins likewise, safer overall. Oh yes, Potter and Evans. Right, now Slytherins…"

James was looking better today, Lily decided, looking at him standing opposite her now, with a cocky grin on his face. She had sent him out for a walk after detention to "clear his lungs", and he had gone to bed early. He hadn't coughed in class so far.

"Well, this should be a piece of cake," said James, still grinning and winking mischievously at her. He was trying to deliberately antagonise her.

"I can only speak for myself, but yeah, I'm expecting it to be over in seconds. For you, that is, Potter," she replied, cocking her head to one side, wand out.

"Ha! You wish, Evans, you'll be eating your words," he laughed breezily, looking annoyingly relaxed, as he spun his wand around.

"Oh, how are the mighty fallen," retorted Lily, shaking her head and winking back at him.

"So Evans, you admit to me being mighty?" James said, lips upturned and eyes twinkling.

"You keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, Potter!" she said condescendingly.

James laughed at her, with eyes that would have melted an iceberg.

"Alright everyone," Dearborn's voice boomed. "On the count of three, begin duelling. One… two… three…"

Not that he was at all surprised, but she was bloody brilliant, thought James, his brow furrowed with concentration as he narrowly dodged her rapid fire and tried to hurl his own hexes back at her. And really, she had no right to be so skilled, at least he and the boys had had years of practice against those mini Death-Eaters. Whereas she, she just seemed to have picked this all up in no time at all, as though it were an innate talent. And damn it, but it added to her appeal, no doubt about it – her slender figure moving lightly and rapidly, high pony tail swinging behind her, green eyes flashing, upturned mouth, biting her lower lip, challenging him to beat her. Which he couldn't seem to manage.

Except she couldn't beat him either, he was too bloody good, she thought with frustration, and grudging admiration. He was fast, too fast and too inventive, and if he didn't wipe that smirk off his face, she'd have to wipe it for him – his smile teased her, but his hazel eyes were narrowed and focused, his athletic build giving him maximum advantage. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead and she wiped them off onto her sleeve, mid-hex.

It felt as if they were dancing a never-ending tango, if he had to describe most of their interactions, James thought, as he continued duelling. All unresolved tension, simmering passion, sadness, and occasional loving pauses. Dance partners holding each other tightly, but arching their upper bodies away from each other while maintaining contact. And this duelling, it was just more of the same, wasn't it – this need to best each other, this stalemate? He wanted to move things to a different rhythm, a foxtrot or a rhumba, and keep the tango interactions for discrete incidents - like a row with Evans, followed by intense making up… He had fantasised about that a bit…

Unbeknownst to the pair, quite a few of the other students had stopped their own sparring, becoming distracted by the spectacle as they watched in awe, including some of the Slytherins. Dearborn himself stood watching them intently, leaning on a desk with an inscrutable expression on his face. His right arm hung in a sling round his shoulder, the horrific burns he had suffered (resulting in temporary, he hoped, retirement from his Auror post) making it still impossible for him to resume active combat. And still very painful.

"Let's make this more interesting," hissed Rosier under his breath, looking at Wilkes with a curl to his thin lips.

"Let's," agreed Wilkes, smiling broadly.

They both stepped forwards marginally and carefully aimed a curse at each of the two duellers. What they hadn't expected, was for James and Lily to be able to continue their own duel while simultaneously blocking the additional curses, as though it were child's play.

Rosier turned a nasty shade of purple, as a few classmates giggled at their abortive attempt. He was especially peeved to note some female Slytherin students laughing with delight at his lack of success against Lily. He was not going to let that stuck-up mudblood, and a girl, no less, best him. He moved forwards angrily and began duelling in earnest with Lily, while Wilkes immediately responded by engaging James in all out battle. James and Lily exchanged looks for a split second and immediately switched tactics, covering each other's backs, and making light work of their respectively less skilled opponents. Slytherin male pride being wounded, amid jeers from the Gryffindor contingent, other Slytherin males immediately started joining in.

"Hang on a bloody second!" shouted Sirius furiously, watching his two friends taking on four opponents each. "What the fuck?"

Remus looked at stormy grey eyes and nodded. He was about to launch a hex without bothering to protest verbally when Dearborn rose to his feet and, surprisingly, placed a hand out to silence Sirius.

"Let them at it," he said quietly. "Let's see how they handle it, shall we?"

Fuming and cursing under his breath (cursing vociferously, amended Remus) Sirius folded his arms and watched, feeling paralysed.

"I hate not being able to help when there's a fight!" he muttered.

"I know, Pads," said Remus soothingly, holding his arm momentarily.

Sirius sighed and looked up at him, holding eye contact for a few long seconds.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

Those eyes, thought Remus. Those eyes would make anyone crumble.

He looked away, pulling the sleeves of his jumper down over his wrists.

Soon both Lily and James were outnumbered four to one each, while still looking capable of defending themselves, as well as landing a few choice hexes. Lily smirked when her Furunculus Jinx hit Rosier squarely in the face, causing him to drop his wand in surprise and distress. And James had the pleasure of seeing his Stickfast Hex propel Wilkes to the floor, where a well-aimed Jelly-Legs Jinx kept him stationary.

"Enough!" called Dearborn eventually, when it looked like the entire class might start duelling against each other indiscriminately. "Well done, everyone, good work!"

"Evans, Potter, a word, please? The rest of you may leave," he added, waving the 6th Years towards the door hurriedly.

Lily shot Remus a apologetic look, and motioned for him to wait for her as arranged.

"Good work, both of you. Jolly good," Caradoc Dearborn said to them warmly, shaking hands with Lily and James in turn, using his functioning left arm. "You'll excuse me, but I've been asked to inform you that the Headmaster wants to see you straight away in his office, on urgent business. Follow me."

He did look very regretful, James thought.

James and Lily looked at each other and shrugged.

….

"Good afternoon, Miss Evans and Mr. Potter," began Dumbledore, motioning for them to take the two remaining seats in his office, which was now also occupied by Professor Mc Gonagall and Professor Dearborn. Lily couldn't help noting the serious look on all their faces. The Transfiguration Professor in particular looked very put out. Lily's hands gripped the side of her chair tightly. She could feel her heart thumping, hoping nobody she knew had been hurt in a Death-Eater assault. A steady stream of attacks had been reported in recent weeks, which had stunned the staff and pupils of Hogwarts, as up until that point, they had only heard reports about this type of activity every few months.

"Professor Mc Gonagall, you might start by bringing Miss Evans up to scratch in relation to Mr. Potter's visions in his orb during Divination?" began Dumbledore, catching James' red face and amending this slightly. "By which I mean, the Death-Eater vision."

James flashed him a grateful smile. He stole an anxious glance at Lily, hoping that she would be able to handle the information which had been worrying him for months.

Mc Gonagall stood up and went to stand next to Lily's chair, placing her hand on the girl's shoulder. By the time Mc Gonagall had finished speaking, Lily was still gripping the side of her seat, heart still pounding, but she hadn't been sorted into Gryffindor for nothing. She managed to remain calm as she responded.

"Thank you for filling me in. Any insights from your friend, Professor?"

"Yes, actually," said Mc Gonagall, glancing briefly at Dumbledore, who responded by inclining his head minimally. "An old acquaintance of mine, Sybill Trelawney is in some circles believed to be a true Seer. In my opinion, Divination is one of the most imprecise branches of magic, but…"

Lily could tell that Mc Gonagall was extremely sceptical, in general, about this particular subject.

"Nonetheless, she listened to the information provided by James and reviewed his sketches, and she had some insights which I think it best we share with you."

Dumbledore nodded and turned to James.

"Sybill believes that these visions you saw concern potential future occurrences, which may or may not actually take place. This last one however, the Death-Eater sketch, she believes has the greatest chance of happening. That is due to the level of detail in your drawing, Mr. Potter. She feels that it would be most unusual, in her opinion, to see a vision like this unless it relates to an event which will definitely occur. Future Continuous Events, she calls them."

James felt his shoulders tensing, and his mouth go dry.

"And another thing, Potter," continued Mc Gonagall anxiously, fixing her brooch and smoothing out the wrinkles on her robes, in an attempt to calm herself. "The perspective in your drawing, it suggests… it strongly suggests that you are in that room too, with Miss Evans, with the Death-Eaters…"

Her voice wavered slightly at the end, and she turned towards Dumbledore as if to elicit moral support.

James nodded slowly. It made sense, he had seen the faces, the chains, the chairs – all too vividly, from close up. The other visions had been more romantic, slightly blurred edges, no harsh lines. It wasn't exactly good news, but…

"That's good," he said calmly. "By which I mean, it's clearly shit, but I prefer our chances of getting out of there if there's two of us against them."

By which he meant that he was glad that Lily wasn't there on her own.

"James!" said Lily sharply, regarding him as if he had two heads. "Don't be an idiot! It's not better, it's awful! And now I have to worry about you as well as me!"

He shrugged nonchalantly at her.

"I saw you duelling earlier, Evans, and frankly I'd value your help in a tight spot any day!" he said.

Lily scowled at him obstinately. Firstly, someone was already trying to finish him off here in Hogwarts, and now bloody Potter was apparently going to end up with her in this Death eater hell-hole as well. Where he would probably plan on trying something stupid and heroic and idiotic.

"If you get yourself killed, I'm never speaking to you again!" she muttered, rolling her eyes at him.

James snorted. He smiled at Dearborn, who had been looking at them with a somewhat perplexed frown, as if trying to decide what their relationship was.

"He has a point, Albus," Caradoc Dearborn stood up, joining the conversation. "I've just come from watching these two engage in the best duelling I've yet to see in this school. Better than Fabian and Gideon Prewett, I believe. Better than some of the… people… we were discussing earlier. Took on four to one each, and nailed it."

Dumbledore's blue eyes shone with interest.

"Good to know, Caradoc," he said carefully, with a pleased smile.

"Might I make a suggestion?" said Caradoc looking around the room. "I propose taking these two for extra DADA tutoring for the rest of the school year, to include some typical Auror training techniques for contact wait out *, as well as basic nonverbal spells, such as Protego, Incarcerous, Full-Body Spell, Patronus Charm - that sort of thing?"

"Excellent idea, Caradoc," said Dumbledore immediately, receiving a nod from Mc Gonagall, despite her still looking decidedly pinched. "Absolutely, you should commence straight away, after class, in the evenings, I suggest four nights a week?"

He turned to Lily and James.

"Alright by me, Sir," said James immediately.

"Yes, thank you, Sir," replied Lily, looking at Mc Gonagall. "But you might want to have a word with Professor Malum. She currently has Potter scheduled for a fortnight of detention for engaging in a prolonged bout of coughing during class..."

"What?" Minerva's nostrils flared, and James swore that she and Lily must have communicated wordlessly, as they both pursed their mouths at precisely the same moment.

"Yes," replied Lily. "And that cough started months ago, and is getting worse."

"I take it you haven't visited Madam Pomfrey about this, Potter?" Mc Gonagall said, regarding James sternly over the rim of her spectacles.

"Eh…" he looked to the other two male professors for support.

Dumbledore shrugged and raised his hands in a gesture of helplessness. Dearborn grinned and moved his thumb down onto the table, and wiggled it, agreeing with the older man.

"Oh, fine," he muttered, shooting Lily a grumpy look.

"Come on, Potter, keep up," replied Lily, following Mc Gonagall out of the office. She was trying to keep occupied and not think about the terrifying information she had just been given, and annoying James Potter was infinitely better.

….

"They're a plucky pair," said Dearborn, looking at Dumbledore. "How long are they a couple?"

"I'm not sure," smiled Dumbledore. "We do have a betting pool on the subject, as it happens, I must check with Flitwick…. So, Caradoc, in your opinion, Potter and Evans would make welcomed additions to our new team, once they graduate?"

"The Order? Absolutely, Albus, no doubt about it. Splendid duelling."

"Good," Dumbledore nodded to himself. "I had already singled out Potter, but I was unaware that Evans would be another potential candidate, and I'm pleased, very pleased. She is an exceptionally talented witch. Did anyone else stand out, in your opinion?"

Caradoc shrugged.

"A few. That Black fellow has potential – very fast, clearly has a depth of raw talent, but somewhat flighty. A bit prone to taking his eye off the bludgeon," he said. "Lupin is excellent, extraordinarily fast reflexes. Doesn't seem to have had as much practice as Black, but I think he would be one to watch?"

"And Pettigrew?" asked Dumbledore. He couldn't help taking a bit on an interest in the boy.

"Not bad, Albus, not bad at all. Surprisingly good, actually!" replied Caradoc, frowning. "Am I sensing correctly where this conversation is going?"

"You are," replied Dumbledore thoughtfully. "Those boys are very close. Potter is bound to tell them what happened after today's conversation, and I think it would look reasonable to ask them to join in some of the extra training sessions, for… moral support?"

"Moral support, eh?" said Caradoc, raising his eyebrows. "I suppose there's no point in denying that we need this."

"We do," replied Dumbledore firmly, closing the discussion.

Dearborn nodded, feeling slightly uncomfortable. He didn't like the idea of recruiting pupils. They had no clue what horrors they were getting into. They would possibly join anyway even with this knowledge, because they were impulsive teenagers and too idealistic for their own good. Yet people were dying, every day, good people, people he had worked with, friends. Dying horribly. He would be lying if he didn't admit to wanting revenge for them and wanting new, skilled fighters to join in the war. Too many were joining in on Voldemort's side. And he wasn't planning on skipping out, on leaving this war behind him, not if he could help it. Not since they had killed Daisy and her family. He glanced down at his arm in disgust. It was taking too long to heal, made him wonder had he been cursed in some way. It felt wrong, but he would help Dumbledore recruit students because they had no choice, not if they had any hope of winning this war.

He couldn't afford the luxury of a conscience.

…..

Marcus Mulciber made contact with Lucius Malfoy. He was a seventh year Slytherin, and already a fully-fledged Death-Eater. Despite his age, the Dark Lord was already finding favour with him.

"What news, Mulciber?" said Malfoy, in a sneering tone. It irked him intensely to be wasting his time on frivolous matters such as obtaining cheap, irrelevant information from schoolboys.

"The Dark Lord asked me to pass on information regarding any especially talented students who he might look to recruit," replied Muciber coldly.

Malfoy sighed, flicked his long, blonde hair behind him, and waited impatiently, polishing his perfectly manicured nails with his fingertips. He was bored. Utterly bored. He didn't particularly like being Voldemort's respectable face. Pushed to the very edges of his mind was the fact that he couldn't help remembering that the Dark Lord was a half-blood, and an orphan. It was too dangerous to remember facts such as these. Legilimency. Malfoy was getting quite good at resisting it, but it still haunted him to imagine what Voldemort would do to him and his family if he ever got a whiff of such thoughts. And Voldemort's ideas about pureblood supremacy were absolutely correct, and furthered his family's fortunes. But, if Voldemort won, he wondered how many of the Sacred Twenty-Eight would turn on him.

"James Potter and Lily Evans," continued Mulciber, ignoring Malfoy's lack of respect. "By far the best duellers in the school, reported to me directly from colleagues in 6th Year, and confirmed by Malum following a conversation with Dearborn."

Malfoy regarded him disdainfully.

"A mudblood and a blood-traitor? Are you delirious, man?"

"Nevertheless, I was told to report all names, purebloods and scum," said Mulciber with a stony glare at his elegant comrade. "The Dark Lord told me he will graciously offer such students the opportunity to join the Death-Eater ranks."

Lucius curled his lip.

"And if they refuse?"

"If they refuse, he makes an example of them, simultaneously ridding us of potentially powerful enemies, and frightening others who may be considering joining Dumbledore's side," replied Mulciber coldly, with a hint of a smile.

Malfoy regarded Mulciber and sighed. _Another sadist joining the ranks, he thought._ It was useful, yes, very useful at times. But ever so slightly distasteful. He preferred a well-aimed Avada Kedavra without the pyrotechnics. Much higher success rate, and minus the mess.

"Alright, Mulciber," he said donning his best simulated smile. "And do give your Papa and Mamma my best wishes, won't you? How are the extensive refurbishments coming along at Falsus Manor?"

"Splendid, Sir," replied Mulciber, somewhat mollified.

…

Lily ducked her head around the door of the Prefects Classroom, which was currently empty, aside from a bored looking Remus Lupin, who was absent-mindedly flicking through his History of Magic textbook.

"So sorry I'm late!" she grimaced.

"Interesting meeting?" Remus said, lifting his head at the sound.

"That's one word for it. I'll explain later," she sighed. "Thanks for waiting, Remus."

"Are you going to explain what this mystery meeting is about, then?" he asked curiously.

She folded her arms and regarded him seriously, blowing a strand of auburn hair off her nose.

"Lupin and Evans, or Evans and Lupin? Which sounds better?" she asked.

"Er, Evans and Lupin," he said gallantly. "What…?"

"Ok," she said, her eyes gleaming. "Welcome to Evans and Lupin, Detective Agency. Our first case – to solve the mystery of who is trying to harm James Potter, and why!"

….

* Military term- meaning engaged by enemy forces


	16. Chapter 16: Searching and Hiding

Chapter 16: Searching and Hiding

"You're serious, aren't you Lily?" Remus asked, regarding her steadily.

She nodded.

"I am, unfortunately."

"Let me get this straight – you think James' breathing problems are caused by some sort of Dark Magic?"

"Yes, I do," she replied. "Madam Pomfrey can't figure out his symptoms, neither could Mrs. Potter, who as you know is a retired Healer. I'm probably a bit biased, but I really think that Malum is behind this."

"Okay, let's for the sake of argument say your suspicions are correct. Have you any clues as to how this Dark Magic is working, or what's happening?" said Remus, bending down to get a notebook out of his bag.

"A notebook," Lily smiled happily.

Remus shrugged.

"Handier than those bloody parchments. Alright, give me any ideas, no matter how daft!"

Lily bit her lip and screwed up her face in concentration.

"Well, James says he was definitely better when he was at home over the Christmas holidays," she began. "That's perhaps relevant. He does a lot of quidditch practice so it's impossible to tell whether the symptoms are any better on practice days, retrospectively at any rate. But he was better today, and he went for a long walk outside yesterday evening just before going to bed?"

"So, possibly something inside the castle itself?" said Remus, who was taking notes, tapping his quill on the paper as he tried to think.

"Possibly," said Lily, rubbing her index finger along her lips. "Can you recall when the coughing started, Remus?"

"I think, I'm pretty sure actually, that it was during the party we hosted after Sirius and I - the big party last term?" he said frowning.

"Yes, I remember he had to leave early because of the cough!" Lily said vehemently.

"Keeping tabs on James' comings and goings?" said Remus, raising his eyebrows knowingly.

"Shut up, Lupin!" she shot back, clearing her throat hurriedly. "So, do you recall anything else unusual about that day?"

"Not really, James had detention with that awful woman, and had to dig out some poisonous worms for Pomfrey's remedy store, which sounded gross. Could that be relevant?"

"Perhaps," said Lily, shrugging. "We should probably check it out?"

"Probably," nodded Remus. "What else? Nothing out of the ordinary, we had the usual stash of food and drinks that we always have for the Marauders' parties… oh, and the House Elves gave us a present of those plants?"

"Yeah, but they'd hardly give you a present of something dangerous, would they?" reasoned Lily, scratching her neck irritably.

"No, I don't think so. Still, worth researching those plants in the Herbology section of the library, I think," said Remus, biting his quill. "I also think it's worth asking the House Elves about the plants."

"You are nothing if not thorough, Mr. Lupin!" said Lily smiling appreciatively.

"Irritatingly so, according to Sirius," said Remus ruefully. "He sometimes says I am too picky for my own good. Excessively precise. Finicky…"

"Humph!" said Lily, sticking her nose in the air defensively. "They'll be glad of that pickiness one of these days, Remus!"

"Hardly a very attractive attribute, though, is it?" continued Remus quietly, looking down at his notebook again.

"Nonsense!" said Lily vehemently. "Who wants to work with a sloppy Healer? Or a slap-dash Curse-Breaker? Or an unprepared Auror, for that matter? You want someone who's done their homework properly!"

"I meant… oh forget it," said Remus, looking uneasy.

He could feel Lily's eyes on him. He wrote in his notebook, "unattractive, picky", it made him look busy, like he was making a list.

It seemed to distract Lily, as he intended.

"Sorry, where were we?" asked Lily.

"The thing is Lily, what's the motive? Why does Malum want to harm James? It doesn't make any sense," said Remus, folding his arms.

"I know," said Lily, playing with the back of her earring, as she always did when she was anxious. "There has _got_ to be a motive, we just have to figure that out as well! I promise you Remus, I'm not imagining this!"

"I feel like I'm on the set of a film, or TV series, everyone thinking you're barmy, and me agreeing to help you solve the case despite my own misgivings!" said Remus with a wry smile.

Lily chuckled. It was a relief to discuss muggle subjects without having to explain herself every few seconds.

"Yeah, typical, the female looking like an idiot!" she snorted. "And I'd be all bossy and annoying too, probably!"

"And I'd have to be the type who has a murky past, or an alcohol addiction… or a dirty secret," said Remus, shaking his head at the irony of it all.

"Don't be daft," said Lily kindly, looking at him with a worried frown. "You're the brains who figures it all out and saves the day!"

A bitter laugh escaped his lips.

"That'll be the day," he said smiling, trying to put up a good front.

Lily continued to stare at him, as if trying to read his mind.

"I think we've made a good start," said Remus, closing the notebook and standing up. "Let's investigate this further in the library over the next few days, and then decide on the appropriate course of action. I'll try to quiz James and see can he think of any reason why Malum might have it in for him, without mentioning your theory."

"Thanks Remus!" said Lily, reaching out to touch his shoulder gently.

She felt he seemed somehow distant today. But Remus did on occasion look melancholic, and she couldn't blame him, given the burden he carried, and she didn't want to pry too much.

….

He was weak, Remus thought sternly, as he silently walked back down to the Gryffindor common room with Lily _._ Fucking weak, and he needed to get a grip and stop forgetting who, no, _what_ he was: a half-breed, an infected individual, suffering from a permanent loss of moral sense, regarded with fear and distrust, shunned by society and discriminated against. This according to books he had tried to read on Lycanthropy (he couldn't finish any, he had vomited violently when he had attempted to read more than a few pages). Werewolves had apparently been "shunted between the Beast and Being divisions of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures for years". *

He was a thing. A horrible creature.

And yet sometimes he chose to forget that he was disgusting and dangerous. He chose to feel like any other teenager. To feel affection, lust, admiration, respect, joy, desire, hope. To fall in love.

It was stupid, weak. He could never ask anyone to love him. It would be utterly selfish, unfair, morally wrong. Like cursing the person you loved. He had tried so desperately hard for the past six years to avoid developing feelings for other students. It was a self-imposed rule he had made before he started in Hogwarts. And it had worked.

Until now. He wasn't even sure when it had dawned on him, he supposed it was a slow realisation, which he had tried to ignore over the past few months.

He needed to forget about Sirius. He was completely out of his league anyway, ridiculously so, even if he weren't a werewolf, and free to do as he pleased. It was laughable, so ludicrous as to be amusing. Sirius was like a dream, a walking work of art, stunningly good-looking. His presence lit up a room, drew all gazes spellbound. His charisma was mesmerising. He was everything - witty, charming, funny, unexpectedly gentle at times, fiercely loyal, so intelligent it was depressing. Endlessly surprising, life around Sirius was never boring. Infuriating? Often. He could be tactless, obstinate, rude, occasionally selfish, stupidly impulsive. But everyone loved Sirius.

And what did he have going for him that might attract Sirius - a poor, boring, average-looking, futureless boy who just happened to also transform into a beast once a month?

He needed to regain his self-control. Go back to doing what he did so well - compartmentalising his life, pretend that Hogwarts wasn't going to end, that he would always have his friends, that they wouldn't forget about him when they graduated. That there was a point to his studying diligently and doing well in his OWLs and NEWTs. That someone would want to hire him when he left school, that he would get a job as a…

There was no well-paid, or even mediocre, position that he could apply for. Not if he had to explain his repetitive absences, not if he might need to go on some sort of awful register. He would like to have been a Curse Breaker, ideally working for St. Mungo's Hospital or the Office for the Removal of Curses, Jinxes, and Hexes within the Ministry of Magic. If he couldn't break his own cursed problem, at least he could have helped others…

Or he would dearly have loved to become a professor at Hogwarts, he felt safest here, of all places. He would have loved teaching, he would have made lessons interesting, fun, would have watched out for the weaker students, and the students who caused trouble due to their own bigger problems (like Sirius did). He would have loved having rooms in the old castle and drinking coffee looking out at the grounds, reading his favourite books. He loved Arithmancy, Ancient Runes – subjects that made sense, with clear answers - he wanted that certainty, accuracy in his own life. And even his excellent and extensive vocabulary - he cherished being able to express himself with precision, being able to find the perfect words, beautiful words, lulling him into a false sense of security about his life. In the same way that he enjoyed crosswords. And sometimes he felt fine, in this fake cocoon, believed his own lies, genuinely enjoyed himself. He revelled in the pranks planned and executed by the Marauders, often with military precision, could feel joy at breaking the rules and getting away with it. Spending time with his good friends. Immersing himself in books. Forget what he was.

But it was hard sometimes.

Sobbing-breathlessly-in-the-middle-of-the-night hard.

Whispering his name softly.

It was torture worse than transforming.

…

He said nothing as they walked back to Gryffindor Tower.

And Lily wondered what was eating Remus Lupin.

…

Lily stared at the massive Herbology tome, _De Historiam Stirpium_ , bleary eyed, stifling another yawn.

"Found anything relevant yet?" Remus asked quietly, keeping his eye on the equally monstrous book he was trawling through, Theophrastus' Botanical Lore.

"None," she sighed dejectedly, holding her head up with her left hand. "Merlin, this is deathly dull!"

Remus groaned in agreement. They had been painstakingly searching through the reference texts in the Herbology section of the library for a couple of weeks now without success.

"The thing is, there's nothing here about _Conium Pallidum_ being in any way toxic," he added, unable to hide his disappointment. "Everything we've read so far suggests that it's a boring, innocuous plant that doesn't even have a reputation for causing allergic reactions!"

"There's got to be something here that we're missing!" said Lily stubbornly, rubbing her tired eyes, and glancing at Remus.

"We'll keep looking, Evans!" smiled Remus, leaning back on his chair.

"Thanks Lupin!" she grinned back gratefully.

She bent down to grab a new quill from her bag and spotted her own Herbology textbook, with a thick parchment sheet carefully placed inside. She smiled to herself and seeing that Remus was occupied with reading again, she stole a glance at the piece of paper. It was a beautiful portrait of her. It had not been enchanted, so it looked exactly like a muggle drawing. Lily looking at someone intently, her head slightly to one side, thick hair cascading down her shoulders, mouth slightly open, a carefree, joyous expression on her face. The way the artist had caught the light hitting her cheekbones and jaw and the clarity of her eyes was breath-taking.

"Beautiful isn't it?" said Remus smiling at her warmly.

"Oh!" said Lily, blushing slightly as she put it down on the table in a self-conscious manner. "It is really good, I still can't believe James drew that for me."

Remus snorted.

"Well I can!" he said, grinning widely. "Although I'm slightly surprised he came up with such a thoughtful and appropriate gift for you, considering what his ideas were last year when he was thinking of sending you a birthday present incognito!"

Lily bit her lip trying hard not to laugh, and smacked Remus playfully on the arm.

"Well, you know, we were in Giant Squid Territory at the time!" said Remus lightly.

"He'd be mortified if he knew you were telling me this!" laughed Lily. The way James' friends acted made her feel that James liked her a lot, and that made her immensely happy.

"Yeah, he absolutely would be! Let me fill you in," said Remus, joining in the laughter.

….

"So you asked James about Malum?" said Lily.

"Yeah, he hasn't a clue, says he owled his dad months ago and his dad had no idea either!" said Remus.

"So frustrating!" said Lily crossly. "You know, maybe we should be looking at the Restricted Section of the Library, Remus. I feel we're missing something here."

Remus sighed heavily.

"I think so," he agreed, passing a hand down over his face.

His fair hair looked a bit haphazard after the long afternoon, and his tie loosened.

"But how are we going to get it?" asked Lily, frowning. "I'll have to come up with an excuse for borrowing a few restricted Herbology books from Pince."

"No need, Darling!" said Sirius sweeping in majestically, and surprising both Lily and Remus. "If you need to get into the Restricted Section there is but one way - I'll borrow the cloak off Prongs, and you shall browse to your heart's content!"

"What cloak?" asked Lily, folding her arms and eying him suspiciously.

"Merlin, woman!" said Sirius winking at her. "You're going all auror-like on me! I am guilt-free and blameless!"

Remus snorted and looked at Lily, given their recent self-important muggle titles.

"I doubt it!" he said.

Sirius pretended to be piqued, and frowned, regarding Remus more closely.

He loved when Remus looked uncharacteristically dishevelled like this, like he had just gotten out of bed, with his wonky tie and loose collar and…

Fuck. He really needed to get a grip and stop thinking about his friend like this. It was weird. And Remus would be appalled if he knew. It wasn't like he fancied Remus. Not really. And it would end in tears. And damn it, they were just friends, and he had to stop it before it got completely out of hand. Poor Remus would be mortified if he guessed the feelings Sirius was harbouring for him, he thought, with a rush of embarrassment. He wasn't ever going to live up to what Remus deserved anyhow.

As far as he was concerned, Remus deserved to be in love with someone who was reliable and kind and strong and supportive and mature and grounded. Not someone irritating and thoughtless and needy as fuck, like him. He knew his family was definitely high up on the fucked-up-families scale. But a part of him whispered that he could have tried harder, that he hadn't been a good-enough brother to Regulus, that he had failed Remus last year, that he wasn't a good enough friend. That his family's blood ran in his veins too. So how could he ever hope to become something more?

Remus was fucking gorgeous, so attractive that it took all his self-control to stop himself leaning in and snogging him senseless on countless occasions. He also seemed utterly oblivious to how sexy he was, which made him even more irresistible.

Ugh! Remus would be better off with someone else. Someone like bloody Dearborn. Merlin, he should continue to avoid serious relationships of any kind, and leave Remus alone!

"Sirius, are you ok?" Remus asked him, with a concerned expression on his face. He was wondering if Sirius was having one of his flashbacks again.

Sirius looked uncomfortably jittery.

"Yeah, no. I'm fine. Perfect. Thanks," he replied with a catch in his voice, avoiding all eye contact with Remus.

"You don't sound it," said Remus quietly, hoping he hadn't offended Sirius in some way, maybe by being too obvious? He felt himself blush and cringed inwardly.

"What sodding cloak?" asked Lily, trying to steer the conversation back to the topic at hand.

There was something awkward going on between those two and she hadn't figured out what it was. Not yet.

"James' invisibility cloak, that's what!" said Sirius brightly. "Why do you need those books anyway?"

"Herbology project," replied Lily immediately. "What on earth is an invisibility cloak?"

Good save, thought Remus, impressed, although technically she was telling the truth, it was simply a self-assigned project.

"I see, a _risqué project_!" said Sirius, with a wicked grin, raising his brow. "Evans, I'm shocked that you, a prefect, would consider such a thing!"

Lily rolled her eyes at him.

"You better believe it, Sirius! I'm way more interesting than you give me credit for!"

"I don't doubt it for a second!" said Sirius laughing, glad to have something to do to distract himself from the funny feeling he got when he looked at Remus.

He liked Lily more with each passing day. He was pretty convinced he was going to end up being her brother-in-law, someday. Maybe by thirty years of age they might get their shit together. There was something just right about those two. Something special. And he thoroughly approved.

"The cloak?" she queried, eying Remus.

"All will be revealed!" said Remus, smiling enigmatically.

"Let's go and get it for you, shall we?" said Sirius, holding his hand out for Lily.

He pulled her up and she put her arm carelessly through his and then linked Remus with her other arm. Remus smiled at the sight of Sirius teasing Lily, he loved how she had gotten so much closer to them this year, and that talking to her really did seem to cheer Sirius up. And seeing Sirius genuinely smile always made him feel better. The three of them left the library chatting happily, their earlier angst-filled moments momentarily forgotten.

…

"He won't be around much longer, one way or another," sniggered Wilkes, in his high-pitched tone.

Snape's mouth curled upwards.

"Can't say I'll miss his presence, somehow!"

"He's been a thorn in your side ever since first year, you must be delighted!" Wilkes replied, turning to throw the younger student a cheerful smile.

Regulus stared back at him. That high-pitched giggle was a very painful sound, he could have covered his ears with distress.

Wilkes shifted uncomfortably. There was something a bit disconcerting about the way Regulus looked at others, something so blank and unreadable. Wilkes was tempted to think that the newly recognised heir to the Black fortune secretly regarded him as a lightweight.

"This is not actually a laughing matter," Regulus said eventually, still standing formally and stiffly.

"Er, no," Wilkes replied hurriedly. "Not at all, the Dark Lord would completely agree with you."

"He does," said Regulus simply.

Things were either true or false, right or wrong, and Regulus was sure Voldemort was deadly serious.

Severus felt a twinge of guilt, and pushed it swiftly to the back of his mind. After all, _he_ wasn't personally involved in any of this. _He_ hadn't gone near Potter, and wasn't going to either. _He_ could never be sent to Azkaban over Potter's death. A tiny part of him acknowledged that he should warn Lily about what was happening, she seemed friendly with him now, even if mercifully she seemed no longer interested in snogging him, for the time being. Although still refusing to fucking date anyone else...

The thought occurred to him forcefully that Potter had saved his life, and that he was indebted to him. That was hard to dismiss out of hand. Magic worked in delicate ways, and being duty-bound or beholden to another wizard was not something to be easily dismissed.

But what could he realistically do? If he tried to tell Lily she might ignore him. If he tried to tell Potter's friends they'd probably refuse to talk to him. And he was not going to go out of his way to find Potter and tell him. The penalty for being discovered by Voldemort would be too great. And besides, he hated Potter.

Still, he wished that his conscience had irrevocably deserted him by now. It was most inconvenient.

Regulus also felt extremely uncomfortable. He turned and walked away without another word, leaving the two other Slytherins feeling a bit apprehensive, as if a teacher had walked in on them at an inopportune moment. His heart was beating quickly. His palms felt sticky and his breath was coming too rapidly. He couldn't have described how he felt, but he knew it was not a positive emotion. And he felt confused and hesitant and uncertain about what he should do.

Should he tell Sirius? He didn't have much to tell. _Sirius, I walked in on a conversation about James Potter and I'm pretty sure that he's going to die soon unless you do something to stop it, but I've no idea why, what, when or how._

Very unsatisfactory.

But he had a strong sense that Potter wasn't that bad. He had always avoided hexing him through the years, despite having pretty perfect aim with his wand. And he looked at him angrily a lot of the time, he got that alright, he could read facial expressions like strong anger, sadness and happiness. But there was something else too, which he couldn't read, and which wasn't antagonistic... something a bit related to sadness, he guessed.

If he had asked James, he would have told him. He was angry with Regulus, but he felt sorry for him.

And it was the thought of Sirius that troubled him the most, and what Sirius would do if James Potter died. Because Sirius had told him that fateful day last summer that the Marauders were his new family. And he knew if Sirius were to die, he would be devastated. So that must mean that Sirius would feel that way about James Potter, although not about him, not now after what had happened.

He tried not to think about that day because it was still a blur and he had no memory of it, and if he were to retrieve that memory he didn't think he could deal with it at all. He preferred not knowing.

It was dangerous though, warning Sirius. He wasn't a Death-Eater yet, but he was most definitely expected to join and to pledge his loyalty to Voldemort's cause. And he knew that purebloods were better, and muggles were stupid and inferior. He had been told that since he was little. And his parents would never lie to him. They needed to rid the magical world of the contagion of the Muggle-born witches and wizards.

But sometimes it didn't exactly all add up. And Potter was a pureblood. It was all very confusing. But he knew that Potter hadn't done anything that deserved death, not yet. That was not fair. But it was frightening, he had no one to turn to. Literally the only being on the entire planet he felt he could trust was Kreacher. His "friends" weren't anything closer than mere acquaintances. He thought he could trust his big brother once, till Sirius had told him he despised him. And Sirius never lied.

But he had to warn his brother, despite the peril, and the fact that Sirius hated him, because it was the right thing to do. It was simple when he thought about it in those terms.

He raced to the Owlery and using one of the Hogwarts owls he attached a piece of parchment and using a disguising spell to alter his distinctive handwriting, he scribbled a short note.

….

"Where were you lot?" asked James as soon as they walked in.

He was lying on the floor next to the open fire, playing Exploding Snaps with Peter. He had taken off his jumper and his shirt sleeves were rolled up, showing his toned arms, tie discarded beside him, shirt hanging out and exposing a sliver of toned abs. Lily gulped at the sight of him.

"I…" she stopped pretending to make sense.

"Herbology project, dead boring!" said Remus smiling at him.

James grinned.

"Alright, Evans?" he asked. "You're looking a bit, I don't know…"

He didn't know what the look on her face meant, but it was pretty intense.

"Yeah, great!" she managed to smile back convincingly. "What are you up to?"

"Peter just beat me in that last game," James said pretending to be annoyed, as Peter laughed.

"Prongs, it's only fair, and don't say you want a re-match!" he said shaking his head. "Can't believe that Minnie got your detention reduced to two nights a week! She's a treasure!"

This was why he was friends with them, he thought proudly, they even had influence over people like Mc Gonagall!

Lily and James watched each other surreptitiously as Sirius got the cloak, explained its properties, and threw it at Remus.

"We're just going to get some illicit Herbology info from the Library," said Lily casually. "Interested in coming, Sirius?"

"Eh, no!" he said looking appalled.

The thought of doing some additional Herbology (when he thought he had finished with that boring subject forever after OWLs) was disturbing. Now if it had been just Remus and him…

James laughed at the look on Sirius' face. He wanted to join them, but conscious of the fact that he hadn't been asked, he didn't say anything.

Lily smiled at him warmly, she found the sound of his laughter infectious.

"We'll be back soon," she said, grinning at the three boys sitting by the firelight.

"Hey, Evans," said James, standing up suddenly and jogging over to them. "Er, would you by any chance mind, I mean want, to come to a party my parents are throwing for my 17th birthday? It's on Saturday the 26th March. I'd like you to come… if you're not busy, if you don't mind…"

He really needed to shut up now. He ran his fingers through his hair and attempted to fix his shirt.

"Of course, Potter," she beamed up at him. "I'd love to."

And before she could overthink it, she planted a soft kiss on his cheek and ran out after Remus.

"Turn around Prongs, so we can see that stupid grin on your face!" barked Sirius gleefully as soon as the two had gone.

….

"I think we have enough now, if we leave with half the library contents someone's bound to notice!" whispered Lily, lurching under the weight of a pile of books. She felt slightly ill just from glancing at the contents.

"One minute," said Remus quietly, opening up an unfeasibly large book entitled _P_ _lantis_ _M_ _ortiferum_. "This book looks very detailed, it's way too big to remove, but if you don't mind I'll stay here for a while and read through it. It's allegedly the best reference text on exotic poisonous plants."

"That's going to take ages!" said Lily, slumping down beside him, resigning herself to another couple of hours in the cold library. "At least skip the introduction, yeah?"

"I never, ever skip the introduction!" said Remus, frowning at her.

Lily opened her mouth and closed it. She had been about to say he was being too finicky.

"Shit!" said Remus, sitting up suddenly.

"What is it?" said Lily, who had been trying to read through an evil-looking book on cursed plants.

"We've been reading about the wrong plant! Look at this!" he said excitedly, shoving the book over to her side of the desk.

"Fatigue, and danger, were regularly encountered by Cosimo Villiers in his quest for plants imbued with Dark Magic, yet this never reduced his resolve, nor his quest to make new and startling discoveries. His genius and enthusiasm are unparalleled, as this book clearly proves. Take, for example, the following passage on page 2348:

 _Since reaching Indochina, I had survived being covered in leeches, narrowly avoided drowning and regularly tormented by flies, yet these tribulations had been well worth it. Any other wizard would have dismissed it as a common specimen of Conium Pallidum, yet I could tell that what I was looking at was none other than its distant exotic cousin, Conium Viridum Mortem. I recognised the white venation pattern visible on the under surface of the leaf. The sight of this magnificent, notoriously rare, and potentially lethal plant lit my entire being with delight."_

….

"The hell is that noise, Padfoot?" asked James a while later, looking up from beside the fire.

Sirius shrugged dismissively.

"No clue," he said.

"At the window, behind you," said James, frowning. "Is that an owl?"

"You better open the window and see what it wants," said Peter nervously, wondering what was happening. An owl at this hour of the night was never good news.

"Get it yourself, Wormy," said Sirius lazily, refusing to budge.

Peter swallowed and looked at James imploringly.

"Useless gits!" growled James, getting up anyway.

He whispered encouragingly to the tawny owl as he removed the piece of parchment from his leg.

"It's for Remus," he said distractedly, as he scanned through the message without thinking.

"Oh!" said Sirius, sitting up and looking decidedly more awake. "Anything of interest?"

"Nah, just … Pince, letting him know one of the books he ordered has come in," he muttered, his eyes fixed on the parchment.

"I've never ordered a book in my life!" snorted Sirius, looking impressed, and not questioning James' statement. Merlin, Remus was such a nerd, and why was that so divinely attractive?

Peter on the other hand regarded his friend curiously. There was no way James was telling the truth. His voice had gone a bit low and he hadn't made any eye contact, which Peter knew were James' tell.

"I should… I'll give it to him later, yeah?" said James, smiling reassuringly and finally meeting Sirius' eye, as he plonked himself back down on the ground. "Who's go was it again?"

The crumpled note in his pocket distracted him somewhat as he continued playing cards.

 _Lupin,_

 _You are a Prefect, and Prefects are trustworthy. I want you to know that the Dark Lord is planning on killing Potter, and so is someone else. Regrettably, I have no further details. I acknowledge this level of information is subpar, but I thought you would wish to be informed, notwithstanding. I trust you will not try to ascertain who I am, as this could have dangerous consequences for me. I confirm that I act alone, and in good faith._

 _An Honourable Slytherin_

…..

* Quote from Pottermore

….

Sorry that was overly-long, and I got a tad carried away looking up information on Botany, and English naturalists in the early 1900s writing books with titles like "Plant Hunting on the Edge of the World"! Anyway, I wanted to spend a bit of time on Remus and Sirius, and not just focus on the plot, so it was probably too bitty, sorry! If you want to know more about what Sirius thinks of Remus, read "A Crush on an Auror", I just didn't want to repeat myself and bore you to death, although I love those two. I'd still love any comments, good or bad, if you are reading this, I think I might be a bit addicted to receiving them! I cannot describe how happy they make me feel when I see my inbox. I AM NOT EXAGERRATING!


	17. Chapter 17: Closing In

Chapter 17: Closing In

"Keep your eye on your opponent's wand at all times, Potter!" called Dearborn in a somewhat frustrated voice. "You should be aiming to spot what spell they are about to shoot at you by the motion of their wrist as it starts to flick."

James ignored Dearborn but the frown on his face deepened. He had woken up in a foul mood. And it hadn't improved - he was furious. His thoughts on 6th year at this moment could be best summed up as follows: One Fucking Thing After Another.

"You ok?" Lily asked as she continued duelling him. She didn't really seem to be herself today either. Her reactions were slower than usual, and she was missing a lot of her hits, to the point where Dearborn had to wonder was she doing it on purpose.

The one truly positive thing to have happened so far this year, James mused, was that he gotten to know Lily so much better, and could genuinely say they were very good friends. The additional DADA tutoring meant he had been spending a disproportionate amount of time with her on a one to one basis. Well more or less, if you discounted Dearborn, which he did.

"Been worse," James shrugged, as he narrowly avoided one of her stunning hexes. "You?"

"Same," she replied, looking at him with concern and stumbling forwards.

James caught her arm just in time to stop her falling. Their eyes locked briefly, and they pulled apart awkwardly.

"Merlin, you need to focus, Evans!" shouted Dearborn from the other side of the classroom where he had been reading the paper and giving advice at intervals.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Sir," said James, looking at his teacher with an irritated expression.

He was thinking of how inordinately thick he had been to agree to Snape's pathetic idea. He was an idiot of the highest order to have even _considered_ such a stupid, pointless, ridiculous thing in the first place. He was mad at Snape, but possibly even madder at himself.

Dearborn looked up momentarily, and shook his head, presuming he had misheard.

Never mind the the fucking Slytherin's trying to goad Sirius by continuous snide comments about him being disowned. Never mind his urge to kill the bastards who had been involved in attacking Lily on the train. Never mind Malum. Never mind that he was coughing up blood now on a regular basis, which he probably needed to do something about.

But now he had received a fucking message kindly informing him that Voldemort and another separate person wanted to kill him. Voldemort probably wanted Evans too, if his stupid vision was right. The fact was that he held himself personally responsible for saving Evans from the Death Eaters. Not that Evans saw herself as needing to be saved. Far from it. But fuck. He knew what he had seen, and it was frightening. He was scared of what could happen to her.

For some inexplicable reason the fact that someone else, aside from Voldemort, wanted him dead too really annoyed him. Made his blood boil. One at a time, wait your damned turn, he felt like screaming. He was cursing a lot to himself today.

"Come on, Potter, that was useless!" called Dearborn again, walking over to the two duellers. "That spell didn't go anywhere _near_ Evans! If this was real life, you'd probably be dead by now!"

"You don't say!" retorted James, his jaw tightening.

Lily's next shot spun wide, and Dearborn rolled his eyes in frustration.

"Evans, for Merlin's sake, keep your eye on the task, and stop getting distracted by your boyfriend! Have you two had a row or something?"

Lily's face flushed a deep crimson colour as she saw James look at her with a tense expression, and she looked away hastily without answering.

"Right," said James grimly, striding over to where Dearborn stood.

"Shut the fuck up, Sir, and stop asking questions about things that are none of your damned business!" he stormed, practically in Dearborn's face.

Dearborn regarded him with mild shock.

"I'm done for today," James announced, turning his back on Dearborn, and walking to the side of the room to collect his belongings.

"Fine," said Dearborn after a short pause. "Both of you need to get some rest, and sort out whatever is going on, yeah?"

He looked slightly guilty as he felt the room abruptly, wondering was he putting these two students under too much pressure.

James ignored him, taking a drink of cold water in an attempt to calm himself, and towelling his face vigorously. He eventually turned to Lily. His hair was utterly wild and Lily couldn't help a small grin at the sight.

"Sorry about that," he said gruffly. "Just have a few things on my mind."

"S'fine," she muttered, still somewhat flushed.

They hadn't decided yet on when to tell James about their discovery, they had been thinking of waiting until they had gathered more information, wanting it to sound more convincing.

"See you later," he said, looking a bit self-conscious. His eyes looked dull and his expression sad as he walked towards the door.

It was then Lily spotted the piece of parchment that had fallen from his pocket. Bending to pick it up she frowned as she read the short message.

"James!" she shouted after him, alarmed.

He spun around immediately.

She stood with the message in her hand, her vivid, almond-shaped eyes wide and horrified.

"Ah, fuck!" he sighed heavily, running his hand through his hair awkwardly. "You weren't meant to see that…"

"I was right!" she said staring at him, her pulse racing. "I was fucking right!"

James raised his brow.

She walked over to him quickly and took hold of his arms.

"Remus and I, we've been trying to figure it out, who is trying to poison you and why. It's time we filled you in," she said, her voice catching with emotion as she tried to sound calm.

"Hmm, I see," replied James, trying to decide if he should be annoyed or indignant that they hadn't told him before this.

"Stop that! You know when it comes to looking after yourself you're so laid back you're practically horizontal, so we couldn't very well include you from the get-go!" she shook her head, smiling at him fondly.

"You've been working on this, together, have you?" James asked, with a peculiar inflection which sounded like hope.

"Yes, of course! I knew that there was something sinister going on and I had to do _something_ to help you, I couldn't bear to just sit and watch you getting worse. I knew I could trust Remus, and I was right, he's brilliant!" said Lily, smiling at him again.

"You couldn't? Oh… right," said James, his eyes lighting up as he grinned back at her.

"Come on, let's go and find Remus!" said Lily, a worried frown returning as she recalled the cryptic message.

…..

"For the love of God, no interrupting, Prongs!" admonished Remus sternly, as he tried to explain their findings to his impatient friend. "And it isn't a joke, you idiot!"

James held up his hands in defeat and smiled despite himself.

"Ok, so, from what we've researched to date, those plants that are now all over the castle are actually an incredibly rare specimen from Southeast Asia called _Conium Viridum Mortem_ which can be lethal," said Remus.

"How?" asked James, sounding interested.

Lily shook her head at him.

"Unbelievable!" she muttered darkly. "You'd swear we were discussing the latest quidditch tactics!"

"We haven't quite figured that out yet," said Remus, looking concerned. "I presumed it would be the poison from those worms Malum made you handle, but I can't find a single reference to that anywhere. I need to keep studying this, and you two need to go and interview the House Elves so we can figure out how they got here in the first place. I suggest before you do that, you get rid of the plants from Gryffindor Tower, but we need to retain them as evidence. Put them somewhere secret so they'll be safe from unwanted handling. No chucking them out the window, or anything daft like that!"

He shot James a warning look.

"You realise we're going to have to tell Pads and Wormy, don't you?" said James, looking slightly uncomfortable. "Padfoot in particular will have a hissy fit if he finds out we didn't include him in this."

"I know," said Remus, sighing.

He hated the idea of upsetting Sirius.

"I just didn't want him losing the plot and rushing off to confront Malum without all the facts!"

"It's fine, Moony, we'll manage him," said James regarding Remus with his we-are-keeping-Sirius-the-fuck-out-of-trouble-without-him-realising-it look.

"Yeah, despite his best efforts," said Remus, with a knowing smile.

…..

"What?" said Sirius standing up suddenly looking horrified and livid in equal measures. "I'm going to fucking kill Malum!"

He went to storm past Remus towards the common room door.

"Padfoot, stop!" said Remus in a level tone, holding his arm in an iron grip. "We need to do this properly, so people will believe us. If you fuck things up now, she could escape and get away with it!"

Sirius wavered, and he halted. His was breathing heavily.

"Fuck!" he said, turning away and holding onto the mantlepiece with whitened knuckles.

"It's ok, Pads, I'm fine, we'll have this sussed in the next few days," said James reassuringly, trying unsuccessfully to stop himself from coughing. His gaze fell to the patch of blood on his shirt sleeve and to Sirius' face as he registered this.

"It's not fucking ok, Prongs, look at you! Malum, and Voldemort too!" said Sirius, staring at the blood.

"I know, right, two of them? I mean I know I'm popular, but this is taking it a bit far," said James lip turning up slightly as he looked at Sirius.

"That isn't even…" said Sirius, his anger rising again as he looked at James. "Fuck!"

He punched the common room wall viciously and grimaced.

"Sirius, listen to me!" Lily interrupted, going over to him.

"It's not ok, it's shit, yeah?" she said looking at Sirius, while placing her hand gently over his injured one. "You're scared, so is Remus, all of you are. I'm scared too, I couldn't bear it if anything happened to James either, you understand?"

Sirius looked up and nodded slowly.

"So we're going to keep it together, work out exactly how she did this. And then we're going to fucking nail her, right?" she said, calmly and coldly.

Sirius glanced at Remus, who nodded imperceptibly.

"You see, this is why I love you, Evans!" said Sirius, smiling at them and squeezing her hand.

Lily grinned back at him.

His composure regained, he stood up straight and regarded he others disdainfully, as if daring them to comment on his earlier meltdown.

"Now, I need your Marauding skills to get rid of all these pots as far from here as you can, in the school grounds, where nobody else will find them. Can I leave you in charge of that, Sirius?"

"Leave it to me, Evans! I'll get Wormy to help me," said Sirius, his grey eyes flashing, as he strode out purposefully. He cut a dashing figure, robes billowing out behind him as he disappeared down the long corridor. He was relieved to have something useful to do, he couldn't bear just standing there idly.

Lily turned to look at Remus and James.

"Thank you," Remus said.

"Library, Mr. Lupin!" said Lily. "We'll interview the House Elves in the kitchen, I believe they know you exceedingly well, Potter?"

"That they do," James chuckled, leading the way.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, he couldn't help the warm feeling that had stolen over him at the sound of Lily's words to Sirius.

…

"Master Potter, what a pleasure!" said Trinny, one of the House Elves who knew the Marauders better than any of the other students.

"Likewise, Trinny!" said James grinning, his hazel eyes twinkling momentarily. "Let me introduce you to Lily Evans, one of our Prefects."

"Ah, Lily Evans!" nodded Sammy, another House Elf. "Sammy has heard James Potter talking about Evans all the time!"

"Eh, no, not really!" said James looking mortified. "Very rarely, actually!"

"No, no," Trinny blurted out. "Trinny has heard it too! James Potter has bored the pants off his friends, droning on about Evans this, and Evans that – Master Black's exact words!"

"Yes, well, that's clearly exaggerated. My friends are very easily bored," said James hurriedly, avoiding eye contact with Lily. "Anyway, we are not here to discuss Evans, we are here to ask you where you got those plants that you gave us for the Gryffindor Common Room?"

"Trinny not allowed to say!" Trinny said, looked very pale and anxious.

"Why ever not?" demanded Lily, regarding her seriously.

"Trinny and other House Elves not allowed to tell you, sworn to secret!" said Sammy, in hushed, reverential tones.

Lily clicked her tongue in frustration.

"This is very serious, Sammy!" she said, staring relentlessly at the two House Elves. "Someone is trying to poison Master Potter, and we have discovered that those plants are poisonous. We're going to find out who it is, and you could end up in Very Serious Trouble if you don't help us."

Sammy and Trinny exchanged terrified looks.

"Yes, Very Serious Indeed!" repeated Lily firmly. "You could end up in Azkaban!"

They yelped with fright and huddled closer to each other.

"Hang on, Lily," said James, looking uncomfortable. "Sammy, Trinny - if you could help us by answering a few questions? Even by just nodding or shaking your heads? That way you'd help us without technically talking to us? And you wouldn't get into any trouble at all."

Sammy and Trinny looked at each other fearfully and nodded.

"Kind Master Potter!" squeaked Trinny.

James nodded encouragingly.

"So," began Lily briskly. "Did Professor Malum tell you to bring the plants upstairs?"

Both Elves shook their heads confidently.

"No?" said Lily sharply.

They shook their heads vigorously.

"Shit!" she said. "Sorry! Who did?"

Sammy looked scared and shrugged.

"Was it a teacher?" Lily asked. "Was it a student?"

Both Elves nodded, wide-eyed.

"Was it a Slytherin student?" asked Lily, eyes narrowing.

They nodded again, looking at each other with worried expressions.

"Was it a 6th Year student? Male?"

Both of them nodded twice.

Lily's heart was racing.

"Was it Snape? Rosier? Wilkes?"

At the last name both Elves looked very uncomfortable and nodded slowly.

"Why? What did he say to you?" she demanded hurriedly.

"Sammy, Trinny," said James. "Did he say the plants were presents for us?"

They nodded, twisting their fingers awkwardly.

"And what about all the plants for Professor Malum, did Wilkes say they were presents for her too?"

They nodded again anxiously.

"Do you know where the plants come from?" asked Lily sternly.

They shook their heads immediately.

"Urgh!" said Lily with frustration, rubbing the pads of her fingers onto her forehead.

They pursed their lips simultaneously.

"Hang on Lily, the day we were both in detention, a Friday, was it?" began James. "Do the deliveries happen on a Friday? Or at weekends?"

Both of the Elves nodded at the last question.

"Right, Fridays or weekends," he said. "So he brings them into the kitchen, and then you deposit them wherever you're told? Does he have any help?"

They shook their heads vehemently.

"Levitates them? Good, he'll be on his own when we confront him!" said James, bending down so he was eye level with them. "Thank you so much for your help, it means a lot. Do you think one of you could apparate to warn me as soon as the next delivery arrives?"

"Yes, Master Potter!" said Sammy solemnly. "Sammy hates being used for mean and horrible business! Sammy was told it was to make pupils and teacher happy!"

"Ha! You know, he wasn't completely lying, I'd say it made that particular teacher very happy," began James and stopped short as he saw Lily's face.

James shrugged apologetically.

"Thanks guys!" said Lily, shaking Sammy and Trinny's hands vigorously. "We really appreciate you helping us by saying nothing!"

Trinny and Sammy grinned conspiratorially.

"You were very… determined, back there!" said James, as they walked away, his eyes twinkling as they lingered on Lily.

"Yeah, it's a muggle interrogation technique called good cop, bad cop," said Lily, as she marched upstairs. "I just really needed to find out everything we can, so we can stop Malum."

"Hmm, interesting… worked anyway," said James, placing his arm around her shoulder and squeezing her briefly.

…

It was the night of James' 17th Birthday party, and his friends had all been given permission to attend the celebration. Despite the sturdy, centuries-old wards, Mr. & Mrs. Potter had stationed security at the doors and gates of their estate, at James' insistence.

"How d'you get them to agree, Prongs?" asked Sirius, as they strolled down the stairs to meet the guests who had started arriving.

"I told them Voldemort and his cronies were targeting blood-traitors, once I convinced them it was to protect us, they immediately agreed. I'm not leaving them here on their own at this age without protection while we're in Hogwarts," said James grimly.

"No, absolutely not!" agreed Sirius, shooting James a piercing look.

"You look like you're about to attack someone!" said James with a small grin.

"Trust me old chap, if anyone has a go at them, or at you, they'll regret it," Sirius replied lightly, brushing a speck of dust off his dress robes, as he elegantly walked down the stairs, eyes roaming the room below, where guests were milling. Hoping to catch a glimpse of a fine-looking Gryffindor prefect. Or not.

"Would you like a drink, Pads?" offered James.

"Nope!" said Sirius, folding his arms. "I'm on duty tonight, you go enjoy yourself, birthday boy! Go and chat up Evans, even if you can't bloody well do anything else, you idiot! I'm staying alert in case those elves apparate here with any news about that bastard Wilkes."

James raised his left eyebrow.

"No arguments, Prongs. There's Evans, now sod off!" said Sirius tartly.

James looked over at Lily. She was talking with his parents in an animated fashion, all of them laughing merrily at regular intervals. Her eyes were shining as though she was delighted to be there. Her hair was styled in a waterfall plait which curved its way around her head and the rest of her auburn waves were untamed. She was wearing a pale blue wrap dress, which in his mind made her look willowy and graceful… and hot. Very hot. He felt suddenly too warm. He tugged at his collar and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Come on Prongs, where's your Gryffindor courage?" smirked Sirius, patting James' shoulder encouragingly.

"You're a rubbish brother, Pads! Bloody useless," said James, elbowing him in the ribs and ignoring his indignant reply.

He walked over to them and grinned cheerfully.

"I see you've met Lily," he said to his parents.

"You look perfect tonight," he blurted out, despite himself, looking at Lily standing so close to him.

"And she's just as wonderful as you told us!" said Monty Potter, beaming at Lily and winking outrageously at his son.

James knew his parents well enough to have expected that sort of comment.

"Yes, I've no idea what she sees in you, James!" said Mia, smirking knowingly at them both.

"Oi, stop trying to turn one of my best friends against me!" said James, rolling his eyes and ignoring the implied relationship. "Lily, you've no idea how embarrassing they are. All the time. On purpose."

"It's in our job description, James!" laughed Monty, grinning at Lily. "When you've children of your own, I can't imagine you wasting any opportunity to do likewise?"

"Yeah, probably. A lot of dad dancing, flirting with my wife in front of them? I think I'd be insanely good at it, actually," said James, flashing a cheeky smile at Lily.

"Horrendously good at it! Poor kids, I pity them already!" laughed Lily, trying to calm the butterflies erupting in her stomach as she watched James.

He was going to be such a good dad, she just knew it. Merlin's pants, was she really imagining herself as Mrs. Potter, with a mini version of James? What on earth was wrong with her? I mean fancying James was fine, but imagining herself as married to him? She had to be blushing furiously by now. She sipped from her glass, holding it near her face in an attempt to hide her cheeks.

James had noticed her discomfort and cringed inwardly. Bloody parents. He really didn't need Lily getting mixed messages at the moment. Just then he was assailed by another coughing fit and quickly took out his handkerchief.

"Why on earth did you transfigure your handkerchief, James?" asked Mia Potter with a puzzled air. "White handkerchiefs are so much nicer!"

"You know me – Gryffindor colours all over the place!" smiled James, avoiding eye contact, and putting the burgundy material away, hoping the blood didn't soak through onto his robes.

He didn't need his parents worrying about him tonight.

"Er, I'll just go check on Sirius," he said, pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose and excusing himself.

He wasn't feeling so great, all he really wanted to do was to lie down and have a rest.

"Oh James, dearest, how _delightful_ to see you!" said a woman with an overbearing pureblood accent, who James vaguely recognised, grabbing hold of his elbow and steering him away towards the other side of the room. "I must introduce you to my daughter, Genevieve Gwendoline, she's _dying_ to meet you!"

"James, how _wonderful_!" said Genevieve Gwendoline, fluttering her eyelashes at him and giggling, as she flashed her expensive ring at him. "You _must_ resolve this argument Gertrude and I have been having about which is better – the latest Spring/Summer dress robe collection by Sartorializard or those by Givewitchy?"

"How do you do?" said James, with a strained smile.

Merlin, he really couldn't cope with inane conversation. He gulped down the remainder of his water and tried to figure out how quickly he could excuse himself without causing offence. Unfortunately, a group of guests surrounded them immediately and any hope of a quick exit vanished with it.

…..

"James! … excuse me… James!" Lily tried to squeeze her way through the crowd surrounding him. Sirius materialised at her side and managed to force their way to where he stood.

"We've a Black Special, of sorts," Sirius said calmly, placing his arm around James and steering him clear to a corner of the room.

"Shit," said James, looking towards his parents. "Wilkes?"

"Yes," Lily confirmed. "Trinny apparated here a few minutes ago, we need to get back to the castle immediately. Maybe you should stay here?"

She didn't like the look of him. He was swaying slightly, and he looked paler.

"Too much Firewhiskey, Prongs?" said Sirius, wagging his eyebrows. "You look like shit. We'll go, stay here with mum and dad."

James shook his head.

"No. Only had water so far. Let's go. Where are the others?"

Remus and Peter materialised just then.

"I've been speaking with one of your Father's old mates, Prongs, who's obsessed with gardening like him," Remus explained hurriedly. "Turns out he met Cosimo Villiers personally when he was a teenager, before he assumed room temperature."

"Huh?" said Peter, looking lost.

"Cashed in his chips," supplied Sirius helpfully.

"Fell off his perch," added James.

"Fucking died," said Remus, shooting them a stony glare. "Anyway, he recalled Cosimo's adventures in Indochina, and specifically his discovery of our damned plants. Turns out what makes the plants potentially lethal isn't the poison inside those worms, which is only harmful to insects, it's the slime around them. Penetrates the skin and in combination with the odourless fumes emitted by the plant it destroys your alveoli."

"Huh?" said Peter, still lost.

"Fucks with your lungs," amended Remus succinctly. "How many worms did you handle James?"

"Not sure. Six? Less than ten, I think." said James.

"Twenty is the lethal dose. But the longer you're exposed to the plants, the more damage is inflicted," said Remus anxiously looking at James. "Maybe you should go straight to St. Mungo's?"

"No chance in hell," said James, looking at Sirius for backup. "We need to leave. Now."

Sirius nodded grimly.

"Let's go."

…..

My new phone is BROKEN, any comments to cheer me up very welcome...! Also, won't be able to update for a little while I'd say, so bear with me...


	18. Chapter 18: Malum

Chapter 18: Malum

They apparated with Trinny into the massive Hogwarts' kitchen, falling into a heap on the hard floor.

"I thought you said you couldn't apparate in and out of this place, Moony?" said Peter, looking nauseous.

"It appears House Elves can," shrugged Remus, dusting himself off self-consciously, with a pink tinge to his face.

"Sorry," said Sirius, managing to look entirely suave, whilst sneaking a puzzled look at Remus' facial expression. "I didn't mean to land on you, old thing!"

"Hush!" hissed Lily suddenly. "Someone's coming! Trinny, hide!"

The pantry door flew open and Wilkes entered hurriedly, carrying two large potted plants and levitating eight more behind him.

"Bingo!" whispered Sirius, eyes narrowing.

"Ah, Wilkes!" said James casually, strolling forwards with his wand outstretched. "Been looking for bargains in Abbott's Garden Centre? Two for the price of one, effective poisoning guaranteed?"

Wilkes' face blanched.

"Just doing Professor Sprout a favour," he said stuttering slightly.

"Bollocks!" snapped Sirius impatiently, striding forwards, wand extended. "We know exactly what you've been doing with Malum, so you better cooperate quickly, or you'll find your sorry arse joining Malum on a one-way ticket to Azkaban! Turned 17 yet, Wilkes? You best not have, I hear the adult section is indescribably worse. But then that's not something the rest of us need worry about, is it?"

He looked cornered, Sirius thought, with grim satisfaction.

"Look, none of this was my idea!" said Wilkes hurriedly in his high-pitched tone. "I can tell you everything-"

The Pantry door behind him flew open as two hooded figures burst into the room.

"Petrificus totalis!" shouted the taller figure, hitting Wilkes.

"Expulso!", shouted the other simultaneously, aiming at Sirius.

"Stupify!" yelled James in tandem, his spell hitting the intended target, who fell backwards.

Almost in slow motion James felt himself move reflexively, throwing himself in front of Sirius. The curse hit James squarely in the chest, blasting him and Sirius through the air and hitting the far corner of the kitchen with a sickening thud.

"Expelliarimus!" screamed Lily as the scene unfolded, the Death-Eaters' wands landing in her outstretched hand.

"Incarcerous!" shouted Remus, hitting the taller masked man.

Peter followed suit, hitting the already fallen figures in quick succession, all three now bound in magical ropes.

"Good hit, Wormy!" said Remus shakily, before turning around and sprinting to the opposite side of the room where Lily was already stooping over James' and Sirius' bodies.

"Are they?" began Remus hoarsely.

"Oh God, he's unconscious, Remus!" said Lily desperately, holding James' hand and stroking his hair gently. Blood seeped from a nasty-looking wound at the back of his head and his legs looked broken. "He needs help!"

Remus bit his lip and bent down over Sirius.

"Padfoot, bloody hell, I need you," he whispered urgently. "I need you to be alright, please!"

Sirius half opened his right eye and coughed painfully.

"Relax, Moony, I'm indestructible," he whispered. "I'm also indispensable."

Remus groaned in relief and grabbed Sirius' hand.

"Shut up, you big-headed git. Are you hurt?" His anxious face scanned Sirius' body.

"Checking me out, Moony?" whispered Sirius, winking at Remus suggestively. "If I'd known you liked'em roughed up, I'd have obliged previously..."

Remus blushed and rolled his eyes.

"He's practically dead and he's still flirting," he said hoarsely, struggling to meet Sirius' eye.

"Give me some credit, I only flirt with the gorgeous ones on my deathbed, Moony," Sirius said, looking at Remus and holding his gaze.

"Eh, excuse me, but I'm not sure how much longer these spells are going to hold!" Peter called anxiously. "Are they ok?"

"They'll live," Remus replied, tearing his eyes away from Sirius' face. "Sirius, we're going to need to get James to Poppy, fast, and to alert Dumbledore. Can you manage that?"

"Fuck off!" replied Sirius rudely, standing up gingerly. He stared at James with concern. "I'm coming with you to find Malum. Wormy, can you handle that instead?"

"If you're sure?" Said Peter, turning around, secretly relieved.

"Look, Dumbledore trusts you, he thinks I'm a loose cannon. End of story," replied Sirius, wincing slightly. He was holding his left arm at an unusual angle.

"Let's tie them up securely and move!" said Remus.

There was no time for arguing with a stubborn Sirius.

"Wormy, don't forget Prongs has the _things*_ in his robe pocket. You might need to use it!" said Sirius. "Trinny, will you go with them?"

Trinny, who had crept out from under the table in the past few minutes, and was still visibly trembling, nodded silently.

"Thanks," said Peter shakily, as he levitated James' slumped body in front of him. Merlin, was he glad he got to keep the invisibility cloak!

"Please, be careful!" Lily called huskily, as he opened the kitchen door.

"I'll look after him, Lily, don't worry!" Peter nodded, as he stepped out.

Lily stiffened and squeezed Sirius' arm, behind them they heard Wilkes whisper urgently.

"What the hell possessed you to hex me?"

"Voldemort," came the cold reply. "Malum was acting outside her jurisdiction. She had clear orders to observe and report back to the Dark Lord, and she failed to follow instructions. That is unacceptable."

"I wasn't aware of that!" Wilkes said hoarsely. "I didn't think the Dark Lord would mind if she saw off Potter while she was at it!"

"You had no right to presume to know the Dark Lord's mind. It shall not pass unnoticed and there shall be consequences."

Sirius moved to stand over the two Death-Eaters and threw off their masks.

"Well, well, if it isn't our lovely 7th Year Slytherin colleague, Mr. Muciber. And Mr. Villiers," said Sirius pleasantly, with a cold gleam in his eye. "Fancy seeing you here. You must be related to Cosimo Villiers, what a wonderful coincidence!"

"Disgusting, Black," seethed Mulciber. "Et tu, Brute? I don't know how your family can stand the disgrace!"

"Enough!" said Sirius sharply, wiping his face with his blood-soaked sleeve. "You'll have plenty of time for chit chat on your way to Azkaban."

"We'll get you and all your mudblood- loving friends yet, Black, you'll be dead before long," sneered Muciber.

"Rot in hell!" snarled Remus, who stood at Sirius' side.

He muttered a complicated incantation over both of the Death-Eaters, tightening the cords that already bound them and gagging them.

"Isn't it lovely to see purebloods quoting Shakespeare?" said Lily, smiling at the three captive wizards. "Wonderful to see they do respect some muggleborns. He is, after all, the best muggle writer we've ever had!"

She continued smiling at them, ignoring the muffled furious sounds escaping them as she exited the room, locking it behind her.

"Where to, Moony?" asked Sirius.

"Divination classroom or Malum's office?" Remus said. "Let's try North Tower, she seems to have been stockpiling the plants there, in the hope of maximising James' exposure during class."

"Divination classroom it is," said Lily. "I don't think she'd risk having to transfer them herself. We better hurry!"

"Just a sec," said Sirius, pointing his wand at his arm and muttered a healing spell.

"It'll hold till Poppy fixes it properly," he shrugged.

…

They stalked wordlessly up the spiral staircase of the North Tower and crept silently into the room, Remus insisting on going in first. A sense of foreboding filled them as soon as they entered. It was unnaturally dark inside, and their nostrils immediately filled with a powerful, overwhelming scent of rotting fruit.

"Essence of Somnum!" said Sirius urgently, holding his breath and spinning around with his wand out. He watched Remus and Lily collapse to the floor, as he felt himself black out.

When he regained consciousness, he saw that they were slumped forwards, standing against the wall of the Divination classroom, tight ropes making it impossible to move, and magically attaching them via a thick cord to the huge shutters over the windows. He felt sick, his arm was throbbing painfully, the putrid odour hung heavy in the air. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Malum, sitting on her desk, her diamonds sparkling in the gloom, holding their three wands, and smiling ominously.

"I see you found me out?" she hissed. "Which leaves me no choice but to leave somewhat prematurely, with the hope that Potter's lungs will destroy themselves fully over the next few weeks and so achieve my goal."

"Why?" asked Sirius, glaring at her. "What do you have against him?"

"What indeed!" Malum let out a derisive laugh, walking slowly towards them. "My family were due to sign a huge business agreement with the Rappaports in New York, and as part of the deal I was set to marry Edgar Rappaport, currently the richest wizard in the western world. The day we were due to sign, news broke of my cousin Hugo's arrest for attempting to kill a mudblood."

She curled her lip and stood in front of Lily, wand digging into the base of her neck.

"He should have killed you then, the fool, or not tried at all."

"What's that got to do with Potter?" asked Lily, lifting her chin, and regarding her with contempt.

"The deal was off as soon as a whiff of scandal hit the headlines. The Rappaports wouldn't stand for it, could cost them too much, they like their whitened sepulchres," said Malum, clenching her jaw. "Edgar was barely tolerable, but I planned to marry him and then become a rich, grieving widow before the year was out."

"Your Potter and this Black," she seethed. "They saved you and managed to get Hugo caught red-handed. Hugo was raving during the trial about Potter, saying he wanted him dead. I was pleased to avenge him, it was personal, after all. I applied for the Divination post without any competition. I had studied abroad in Ilvermorny, nobody recognised me here. With Voldemort's support, I assumed a false identity. I'm surprised none of you queried my name? It was such fun using it! I reported to Voldemort regularly, without making him aware of my ulterior motives. I doubt he will be too upset when he hears."

"Hugo mentioned you too, Evans," she continued slowly, tracing her wand up Lily's neck. "Seemed to think Potter would die if anything happened to you, or to his friends. How very auspicious to have run into you all like this. At least I can make that happen before I leave. Call it a parting gift to Potter!"

Her face broke into a thin smile and she laughed quietly.

"You'll have to watch, Black, I don't dare kill you, despite your awful reputation. I would need your family's permission to do so, and I don't have time for that. No doubt they can finish the job themselves. But the mudblood must go. And I intend to start with this… _thing_ ," she said, walking over to Remus and dragging him forwards by his hair.

"Kneel down!" she ordered, shuddering with revulsion, as she pushed him down.

"It has sickened me, knowing that there was a werewolf in the midst of our pureblood relations, sharing classes with them, eating among them. You disgust me," she said spitting in Remus' face.

Remus closed his eyes briefly.

"You sick bitch!" screamed Sirius, his heart pounding with fear. "Leave him alone! You're not worthy to even look at him! If you so much as touch a hair on his head, I swear I will fucking-"

He was cut short as Malum's spell hit him in the face.

"Silencio!" she said calmly, smiling at him with mock pity. "Now, where was I?"

She tuned around to face Remus again.

"I was astounded that Dumbledore would have allowed your sort to get into Hogwarts. He is more depraved than I thought. But at least I can finish you off now, put you out of your misery. You must know you deserve to die? Surely you cannot think that a monster like you, a dangerous beast, deserves to live? No doubt you have thought the same at times?"

Remus stared at her, tears pooling in his eyes.

"You see, he agrees with me, Black!" said Malum, smiling at Sirius encouragingly.

"Don't you, creature?" she said, taking out a long slender silver knife and holding it against the side of Remus' face.

Remus hissed quietly, and continued staring ahead, his hands felt cold, pins and needles round his mouth and on his fingers.

"Stop it!" Lily rasped. "Leave him alone, he's done nothing to you! He's a half-blood. At least start with me. Get your priorities right!"

"Good point, Evans," replied Malum, nodding slowly. "I did consider that very fact. But a werewolf isn't even a being. I think it fair to kill the animals first?"

Remus looked at Sirius. He was crying, tears pouring down his pale face, his pupils dilated so wide that his grey irises were barely visible. He wished he could have told Sirius what he meant to him, how much he adored him.

"It's ok, Padfoot," he said shakily. "It'll be quick. Your friendship… it has meant everything to me."

Sirius blinked.

"Lily," Remus turned slightly and smiled at her. "We solved the mystery. Pity it's just going to be the one case. I'm so sorry, we should never have brought you here."

Tears spilled down his left cheek.

"You couldn't have stopped me, Remus," whispered Lily. "Nor you, Sirius. I wanted to come. I'm glad I'm with you. She needed to be stopped, and we did our best. Please tell James, Sirius, please tell him it wasn't his fault. You know what to tell him..."

Sirius nodded gently.

"Enough aimless conversing!" said Malum, in a bored tone, withdrawing the dagger from Remus' jaw and moving to stand behind him.

"Ready to die, werewolf?" she jeered him.

Remus clenched his jaw.

"Get on with it then, you're keeping me waiting!" he spat out, staring ahead defiantly.

Sirius shut his eyes.

Malum raised her hand, aiming for the spot between his shoulder blades.

….

* Map & cloak

 **PS. Sorry that was quite short, but I had a very busy week and it was either cliffhanger or nothing so…**

 **PS And just in case I haven't said it recently, I really appreciate every single one of you that takes the time to read this story, and also the very generous people who leave comments. You keep me writing. Thank you!**

 **PS Your views on Malum – death or Azkaban?**


	19. Chapter 19: Courage

**Chapter 19: Bravery**

 _"Enough aimless conversing!" said Malum, in a bored tone, withdrawing the dagger from Remus' jaw and moving to stand behind him._

 _"Ready to die, werewolf?" she jeered him._

 _Remus clenched his jaw._

 _"Get on with it then, you're keeping me waiting!" he spat out, staring ahead defiantly._

 _Sirius shut his eyes._

 _"No!" whispered Lily._

 _Malum raised her hand, aiming for the spot between his shoulder blades._

…

"On second thoughts, I never said it was going to be quick," she said with a smile, still holding the dagger in the air.

"Shut up, you middle-aged hag!" said Remus coldly.

 _Fucking hell, thought Sirius, regarding Remus with awe._ He could see the indescribable fury in Malum's face in response to what Remus had said. Looking at Malum's make-up-encrusted face and piles of diamonds, he should have guessed she was vain. And she was clearly still in her late twenties. Trust Moony to pick up on that. He saw Remus' lip twitch as their eyes locked _. Sweet Merlin, Remus knew he was literally about to die, and he was smiling at him. Fuck!_

"Silence!" she cried angrily, as she drove the dagger into Remus' left shoulder blade.

Remus choked a cry and fell to the ground, unsure how long he could stand the silver blade embedded in his body. He knew that werewolves were vulnerable to silver blades and unusually resistant to other injuries, and that silver blades were like poison once they entered the bloodstream. He bit down on his lip and willed himself not to scream out in agony.

"Hmm, disappointing," said Malum, regarding the silent prone figure of Remus with her lip curled. "Oh well, let's get rid of the mudblood in the meantime, and come back to finish you off later."

Lily had been staring at Remus in horror and she now looked up at Malum with her heart pounding. She turned briefly to Sirius, who was watching Remus and trembling silently.

"Be strong for him," she said.

Sirius felt himself gasping for air. _Not this, he thought, not this too._

"A little birdie told me you don't like heights," began Malum, chuckling to herself. "Oh Dear! Well, let me see, how would you fancy flying down to the courtyard? Oops, so sorry, I seem to have forgotten the broom!"

She levitated the bound figure of Lily a few inches from the ground until she balanced in the air just beside the tall sash window. She raised the lower sash upwards, her wand still pointing at Lily, and a cold jet of night air blew into the classroom.

"Pity it's dark outside, it would be nice to get a warning when you're about to hit the ground," said Malum, opening her eyes wide in sham concern. "Any last words?"

"Fuck off!" said Lily, shivering slightly but holding an even tone. "You don't scare me. Becoming someone like you, that would frighten me! Look inside you- you are nothing. Nothing except emptiness and void!"

"Nothing? I could have been the most important witch in the world, but for your interfering!" said Malum, turning the same shade as her lipstick. "I want you out! A quick Expulso should do the trick!"

She raised her wand.

Sirius could never quite remember the exact sequence of what happened next. The Silencio Charm wore off and he found himself screaming Lily's name. Minerva Mc Gonagall came flying through the locked door with a terrifying look on her grim, stern face. Her wand slashed the air and Malum went flying sideways out of her way as she raced to the window. Another deft flick and Lily was thrown across the room, away from the window. Mc Gonagall's gaze took in Sirius, and Remus's prone figure, and by the time she had whipped round to face Malum, Sirius found the ropes around him had crumpled to the ground.

"Remus!" he choked, desperately struggling to free himself from the tangled heap.

He half threw himself forwards and landed beside Remus. He could see Remus' breathing was shallow and his face had a deathly pallor.

"Remus!" he repeated in anguish, looking at the dagger still embedded in Remus' back.

What was he supposed to do? He flinched as an Avada Kedavra spell shot past him, too close for comfort. He placed himself between the duellers and Remus, shielding him from any stray curses.

"Sirius," Remus' voice was barely a whisper." Down… idiot…"

"I'm fine. The knife, Moony," said Sirius, hope swelling on hearing his friend's voice. Maybe he wasn't dying. "Do you want me to…?"

Remus silently nodded.

"Sorry," he added quietly, looking at Sirius apologetically.

"Don't you dare apologise," croaked Sirius, tears beginning to threaten again. He felt like his heart was about to burst out of his ribcage. The thought of causing Remus more pain almost too difficult to bear. "I'll do my best, Moony, I'm so sorry!"

Remus smiled faintly, Sirius could see him steeling himself, forcing his mouth closed.

"Fuck!" he whispered fiercely to himself. "Fuck this!"

Trembling again he grasped the knife and pulled it out. It was without doubt the hardest thing he had ever done.

Remus made a strangled sound and passed out.

"Fuck!" said Sirius, looking horrified. "Remus!"

…..

Peter tiptoed cautiously from the kitchens, James' invisibility cloak in his hand. He peered around the corner before progressing down the corridor. It was going to take far longer than he had hoped. He figured that if two 7th Year Death-Eaters had been made aware of Malum's activities, it was very likely that other students knew. What were the chances of making it to Dumbledore's office in one piece without encountering resistance? He briefly considered turning into his Animagus form and scurrying to the Headmaster unheeded. Or using the cloak. But to do that, he would need to get rid of Trinny, and leave James somewhere. He looked at James' unconscious form and sighed with annoyance. It was very irritating not being able to act quickly, especially given the circumstances. It was also very irritating that James had taken the hit for Sirius. James' propensity for heroics was uncalled for. Or rather, if it had been him, he knew he wouldn't have acted in that way. If Sirius insisted on losing his cool and brazenly taking over in confronting the enemy, he should face the consequences. He was worried about his friends, and he knew he always got irritable when he was anxious. But sometimes he wondered had he been sorted into the wrong house. He stiffened suddenly. His hearing was excellent, and he had heard distant voices approaching.

"Trinny!" he whispered urgently, flattening himself against the wall.

His heart hammered inside him. He needed to use the map without Trinny seeing it.

"Trinny, I need you to hide Master Potter in this classroom," he said quietly, beckoning towards the Charms classroom in front of them, James still hovering in front of them. "I'm going to go and get Dumbledore."

Trinny nodded, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"Master Pettigrew is very brave!" she said solemnly.

Peter shook his head.

"If anyone tries to harm him, do everything you can to stop them, alright?"

Trinny nodded, looking terrified.

Closing the door behind him, Peter whipped out the cloak and sighed with relief. He, at any rate, was safe for the moment. Under cover, he opened the map and assessed the situation.

His heart rate sped up again as he noted a group of Death-Eater sympathisers from 6th and 7th Year surrounding the area they were in. Their tiny footprints on the map were stationary, in pairs, around each corner. There was no way of getting James past them, the cloak would not fit around a lifeless James and him. Should he cover James with the cloak and change into a rat? Peter shivered. No way. That was too frightening – he read the names under the figures surrounding them on the map. They were not merciful people. They were the types who would find it fun to catch him and kill him. He had to get to Dumbledore to warn him about Malum, that was his priority, nobody could argue with that.

Making sure the cloak covered him fully (and thankful for once that he was short in stature), Peter edged forwards slowly, ears alert to any sounds. As he rounded the corner, he saw Severus Snape and a nasty looking Seventh Year called Cadogan Carrow, as expected, leaning against the stone walls. There was no doubt they were patrolling the area, their gaze shifting regularly up and down the corridor, as though expecting somebody.

"Mulciber said to wait until his orders before leaving," said Cadogan quietly, more to himself than to Snape.

"Yes, but he is rather late, isn't he?" said Severus, in an impatient tone of voice. "Should we go down to the kitchens to make sure he and Villiers are alright?"

"Not yet!" hissed Cadogan. "We have orders to make sure nobody gets past us."

Severus rolled his eyes with disdain. It really annoyed him that many Slytherins felt they could boss him around because he was a half-blood.

"As you wish."

Peter gulped. He reckoned if the two didn't suddenly move, he should be able to walk past them without incident. He waited. The longer he put off acting, the higher the odds of Snape or Carrow moving unexpectedly. Screaming internally at his own procrastination, he eventually moved forwards, slowly. Hoping to Merlin he didn't stumble or make any noise. He was trembling all over, the map shaking uncontrollably in his hand.

"What was that rustling noise?" asked Cadogan, standing up straighter.

"Where?" asked Severus, turning slightly and sighing with boredom.

"Here!" hissed Cadogan angrily.

 _Fuck, thought Peter in a panic, fuckety fuck!_ He felt the map slip out of his hand and sail lightly towards the floor, as he lost his footing. He acted quickly, aiming a Sonorous spell back up the corridor, and immediately the two Slytherins jumped up at the roaring sound.

"Shit!" said Severus, wand out. "let's check that out!"

They sped up the dark passage, heading towards the Charms Classroom, among others.

Peter cursed under his breath. But he was free. He could hear other feet pounding towards the noise, and away from him. His route on the map was clear. He raced at top speed towards Dumbledore's office.

"Picked walnuts," he wheezed, bending forwards slightly. He had a stitch.

"Professor!" he called, running inside. "It's Malum, she's trying to kill James, and the others have gone after her!"

He then noticed Mr. & Mrs. Potter standing next to the Headmaster, realised he was speaking from under the invisibility cloak, and had the presence of mind to fold the map away before throwing off the cloak. And not before deftly checking the map to see where his friends were.

"Explain quickly, Mr. Pettigrew!" said Dumbledore, alert and poised for action.

….

"What in Morgana's hell was that noise?" shouted Cadogan as they raced forwards.

"A deflection, I'd bet," shot back Severus, slowing down, and tempted to turn back.

"Don't you dare run off!" replied Cadogan angrily.

It was clear he was terrified. Severus rolled his eyes. Why was he permanently surrounded by imbeciles? Why did most of his fellow Slytherins have to be so utterly slow on the uptake? It was enough to make you want to pull your hair out with frustration.

"Check the rooms!" shouted Hornsby, overtaking them, as three other students joined him.

Sighing in a resigned manner, Severus followed Cadogan into the room and took a sharp intake of breath. In the corner stood a small female House-Elf, upright beside James Potter. He was lying on the ground. As they moved forwards slowly, wands out, Severus noticed a large pool of blood oozing from under his head, as well as blood-soaked robes. It did not look good.

"In here!" shouted Cadogan, excitement tinging his voice.

The other four students quickly joined them, encircling Trinny.

"Go away!" she said, her shrill tone carrying far. "Stay away from Master Potter!"

"Shut up!" said Hornsby, decidedly underwhelmed at having to speak to a servant, and astonished that a mere House-Elf would dare address him in such a manner. "We don't need you here, remove yourself."

"No!" replied Trinny, folding her arms crossly. She had clearly decided she most certainly did not like these rude boys. "No Sir! Will not!"

Severus rolled his eyes again. Merlin' s sake, what was going on? He reckoned if they weren't careful, there was going to be hell to pay.

"What happened, Elf?" he asked irritably, pointing his wand at Trinny." Has anything happened to Mulciber and Villiers? We were expecting them back a while ago."

She pursed her mouth into a thin closed line.

"Answer immediately or I'll hex you!" said Cadogan angrily, advancing nearer to James and Trinny.

He stopped in front of James and kicked out with his foot, where he could see the leg looked broken.

James moaned and half-opened his eyes.

"I didn't hear that," snickered Cadogan, kicking him again, and looking at his friends for a reaction. "Try and speak a bit more clearly, Potter, will you? Hanging around with mudbloods and half-bloods has clearly affected your pronunciation!"

The others laughed casually, apart from Severus, who flushed slightly, feeling instantly livid and self-conscious.

James moaned again and tried to sit up. He knew his wand was in his back pocket, but he found that rotating his hips was impossible.

"Your wit is astounding, Cadogan," he muttered dryly. "Are you expecting a round of applause for that?"

"Shut up, blood-traitor," said Cadogan, colour rising to his cheeks, as he turned back towards James.

"Oh yeah, cause being a pathetic coward and a fucking homicidal wanker is just so infinitely preferable!" said James, looking up at Cadogan with contempt.

He possibly shouldn't have said that, James mused, as he saw Cadogan making a bee-line for him again, but he couldn't help himself. Sirius would have applauded him. Remus would have facepalmed.

"I. Said. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Potter!" said Cadogan viciously, kicking his broken leg with full force with each word.

"Fucking bastard!" James gasped, closing his eyes with the pain. The voices around him grew dim, and the room seemed to grow darker.

"That was _really_ effective, Cadogan, well done," said Severus, unable to hold back the sarcasm in his voice.

 _Did he have to do everything himself?_

"Elf, if you don't tell us what happened to our two friends, Cadogan here is going to keep hurting Master Potter. Your choice. Ok?" he said, speaking slowly and clearly.

He nodded to Cadogan who shrugged and smiled.

"Suits me," he said casually, aiming at James' stomach as he lashed out again.

Trinny paled and screamed. James mumbled something incoherently.

"Stop it!" said Trinny.

"Not the right answer, I'm afraid," said Severus, nodding at Cadogan.

Cadogan moved up to stand in front of James' face.

"Stop!" screamed Trinny. "Bad Masters are tied up in the kitchens, but not for long. Master Potter's friend has gone to fetch Professor Dumbledore!"

"Fuck!" hissed Severus sharply. "Get them out, now!"

The six students flew down towards the kitchens, in a race to stop Voldemort's men from being captured. They knew exactly what awaited them if they failed.

…..

By the time Dumbledore stormed into the Divination classroom, Remus was unconscious, Lily had managed to wriggle to where Remus lay, further protecting him from Malum's wand, and Sirius was attempting to untie her. Malum and Mc Gonagall were still duelling viciously, hurling insults at each other.

"Don't you ever-" Mc Gonagall was shouting.

"You old bitch!" Malum was screaming, as she aimed forbidden curses at the other teacher.

"Ever, interrupt me again!" Mc Gonagall finished, blocking the curse and with a final flourish, landing a commanding "Petrificus Totalis" and "Deformis Senex Domina" on target.

Malum went rigid and fell backwards stiffly.

"Minerva," said Albus Dumbledore, with a hint of a smile. "I don't recall learning that last spell?"

He had walked over to where Malum lay and was looking back at Mc Gonagall, eyebrows raised.

"I do not take kindly to being interrupted mid-insult!" said Mc Gonagall, posture radiating defiance.

"Clearly not," said Dumbledore mildly, looking at Malum's face, which now resembled that of an exceedingly wrinkled old hag from a muggle fairytale.

"Unfortunately, the effects can take a while to wear off," she sniffed, still slightly out of breath, straightening her collar. "There's probably a counter-curse..."

Dumbledore grinned at her.

Just then she spotted Remus lying still, seemingly unconscious.

"Albus, the boy is badly hurt," she said, anxiously turning her attention to him.

Dumbledore bent down over Remus and sighed.

"Poor boy," he muttered quietly.

"It was silver, Sir!" said Sirius, afraid to speak loudly as his voice was cracking. He pointed to the gaping wound on Remus' back. "I removed it?"

He looked at the old man pleadingly.

"You did a good job, Sirius, well done!" replied Dumbledore, holding his eyes warmly and reaching over to squeeze Sirius' hand in a reassuring manner, as he pulled him to stand up. "You probably saved his life."

Sirius looked uncharacteristically self-consciously. He looked with interest as Dumbledore sent a Patronus charm to Pomfrey, instructing her to contact St. Mungo's to arrange for an urgent admission.

"He needs to be transferred to St. Mungo's immediately," said Dumbledore gravely, turning to Mc Gonagall, who was holding onto Lily in a protective manner. "Are you alright, Miss Evans? You look very pale."

Lily nodded. She was physically fine.

"Will he be alright?" she whispered.

"Yes, he will," said Dumbledore, sounding more convinced than he felt.

Lily felt herself relax slightly and leaned into Professor Mc Gonagall.

"Thank Merlin for that," she said quietly, as Mc Gonagall put an arm around her and squeezed her tightly.

Dearborn and Slughorn had arrived, looking concerned and relieved in equal measure. Dumbledore filled them in briefly and assigned them to guard Malum. He then levitated Remus gently in front of him. Mc Gonagall was looking at Sirius and Lily with decidedly motherly feelings. They both looked exhausted and traumatised. As soon as Remus was in capable hands, she was going to sternly insist that they each eat a good hot dinner, drink a cup of strong tea, have a soothing bath, and stay put under Madame Pomfrey's care for at least twenty-four hours.

"I'm not leaving Remus! And what happened to James?"

"What about James, is he alright? And I think Remus would want us with him!"

Sirius and Lily spoke simultaneously.

…..

Later that night, Lily and Sirius found themselves sitting on the ground against the infirmary wall, looking at Remus and James lying beside each other in the Spartan hospital beds. It was so late that it would soon begin to get bright again. They had been unable to sleep.

"I'm so glad they're both going to be alright," said Lily wearily, dropping her head against Sirius' shoulder. "And that they didn't need to be transferred to St. Mungo's after all."

"That was all Mia and Monty's doing," smiled Sirius. "It's handy sometimes when you are so rich you can basically get St. Mungo's to come to you! The Healers are going to remain here till they're satisfied that they're both fine."

"Poor things, they were so worried, you know," he continued quietly, wringing his fingers through his school shirt. "I felt awful, I wish I …"

He stopped. He hated talking about his feelings. He was awful at it. He relived his conversation with Mr. & Mrs. Potter.

 _"Come here, Sirius!" cried Mia Potter, flinging her arms around him and stifling a sob. "I'm so glad you're alright, so glad!"_

 _"Mrs.P, Mum," Sirius corrected himself seeing her warning look. "I wish… I'm so sorry about James,"_

 _He stammered and looked down._

 _"What do you mean, Sirius?" asked Mia, rubbing his shoulder._

 _"That curse, it was meant to hit me, and I wish it had, and bloody James just jumped out in front of me, and I couldn't do anything…"_

 _"Bloody James is right," snorted Monty, trying not to look anxious. "Sirius, we know exactly what he's like, a terrible nuisance, always getting himself into trouble, it's physically impossible to stop him!"_

 _"But I should have," began Sirius, looking at him. "I should have done something! And then when Malum had us, I couldn't do anything, and she was going to kill them both… and I didn't do anything…"_

 _He was convinced they were going to ask him to leave, he should have looked after his brother, he should have…_

 _"As if you wouldn't have jumped in front of James, Sirius," interrupted Monty, hugging him tightly. "You're just as bad, if not worse than James, when it comes to impulsive stuff! There was nothing you could have done. You put yourselves in danger to help James, all of you. We owe you a great debt of gratitude."_

 _Sirius hugged him back, feeling shocked._

 _"Silly boy!" said Mia softly, pulling him in for another hug, and closing her eyes with relief. "You were wonderful."_

Lily sat silently beside him, her warm presence comforting. Maybe because he was overwrought or because she didn't press him, or because he knew he could trust her, suddenly words were spilling out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

"I'd do anything for them. Anything for James. You know that, right?"

His passionate grey eyes burned.

"I know, Sirius," replied Lily firmly, holding his gaze, feeling him relax visibly.

"And for Remus, anything, you understand? Absolutely anything?"

"I know, Sirius," Lily looked at him curiously.

"I told them, you know," continues Sirius, looking away and making a massive effort to sound collected. "About you and Moony and your antics with Malum."

"What exactly?" said Lily, eying him suspiciously.

"Well Moony's middle-aged-hag bit and hurry-the-fuck-up lark, and the bit where you told Malum to kill you before Moony and then told her to fuck off when she was about to throw you out the window."

Lily pulled up her socks.

"Fuck off yourself, Sirius Black," she muttered. "You heard what Dumbledore said about you saving Remus. I did nothing."

Sirius smirked, as he placed his arm protectively around Lily.

"We both know that's inaccurate, Evans, although Moony was rather glorious," he said lightly, staring adoringly at Remus' sleeping form.

"He was, wasn't he?" said Lily, looking at Sirius' face.

It was all beginning to make sense. She smiled knowingly.

"By the way, you are now officially a member of the Marauders," added Sirius after a pause, grinning at her.

"Oh Merlin!" groaned Lily, feigning disapproval, while being completely unable to hide her wide smile. "What did I do to deserve this?"

Sirius raised his brow and she laughed.

"How's your arm?"

"Fixed," he shrugged nonchalantly.

"Poppy will be coming in a few minutes, we better get back to our beds" said Lily, glancing at her watch, getting up and walking over to the two beds.

She smiled down at Remus' calm face and stroked his hair gently.

"Good night, Lupin," she said quietly. "Have a good rest, I don't want to see you back in action for at least a fortnight!"

Sirius wondered at the tight feeling in his chest when he saw her touch Remus, a feeling he couldn't understand at all.

She turned around to where James lay sleeping, black hair sticking up on the pillow.

"Good night, Potter," she smiled softly. "Happy 17th Birthday."

And she bent down and kissed him on his forehead, running her thumb gently along the side of his cheekbone.

….


	20. A Fine Mess

**To petalstofish on tumblr for introducing me to Hufflepuff!James (such a great, great idea) - this James is definitely in Gryffindor but I mention it anyway in this chapter as a nod to your brilliance!**

Chapter 20: A Fine Mess

"I can't believe those Healers are _finally_ letting us out!" said James, grinning happily at Remus as they walked out of the infirmary together.

"About bloody time! I think even Poppy was getting sick of listening to your ramblings!" said Remus, feeling slightly lightheaded.

He had transformed on the 4th of April, and it had been a close call. Madam Pomfrey had told Remus that if the full moon had been any closer to James' birthday and the silver poisoning, there was a good chance that he could have died. Unlike any of the other full moons, Remus had stayed in the Shrieking Shack, lying on his side, panting and growling, and clearly very weak. His friends had been extremely concerned, Padfoot whining and circling around him anxiously until the werewolf sat up in clear irritation and weakly snarled at him to lie down. James hadn't been well enough to leave the infirmary that night. He thought Remus looked remarkably well today, considering what he had been through, the only visible difference being the new scar on his shoulder and the fact that he looked a little more gaunt than usual. He shuddered at the thought of what the others had gone through.

Yet here they were at last. The start of May. They walked in companionable silence for a while.

"So, Mulciber and Villiers escaped, the bastards!" said James eventually. "I wonder who released them? They've disappeared completely, probably working for Voldemort full time."

"I doubt they give a toss that they've been expelled in absentia!" Remus said, eyes glowing with anger. "And you still don't remember anything about what happened when Wormy went to get Dumbledore, do you?"

"Nah, I can't recall a damned thing, Poppy thinks I was unconscious the whole time," said James. "I have a vague memory of something unpleasant, but that's it. Poppy said it's not unusual after a head injury. Trinny can't remember anything at all. Apparently she was pretty shook when the Aurors tried to talk to her, poor thing!"

He had a vague recollection of cold laughter, and he rubbed his side absentmindedly.

"It's clear that somebody in Hogwarts helped them escape, yet Dumbledore has decided not to force anyone to talk, despite Moody wanting the entire student population to be questioned under serum," Remus sighed. "And Wilkes got away with it all, saying he didn't know what Malum was doing, honestly, it's a fucking joke! I think Dumbledore should have doled out some Veritaserum and be done with it! Sometimes he really annoys me, I've no idea what he's thinking."

"Yeah, well, that's not going to happen," said James bitterly. "We're just going to have to grin and bear it! At least that damned coughing has stopped, thanks to your chat with that Botanist fellow. I doubt any other living person knew that crushed lavender infusion is the antidote to that poison."

Remus smiled.

"Glad to have been able to help you, James, for once!"

James shook his head.

"I owe you!"

"Come on, old chap, let's not talk about this stuff any longer," he continued, placing an arm around Remus' good shoulder. "It's really early, and nobody's expecting us. I can't wait to see their faces when they come down into the common room!"

"You know you're obscenely cheerful for this hour of the morning, don't you?" said Remus, smiling ruefully and rubbing his eyes. "And don't lie, we both know specifically who you're dying to see! Despite the fact she's been visiting you daily …"

He was going to miss his daily visits from Padfoot too…

"Bugger off, you tosser!" said James, unable to keep a wide grin off his face.

…

James noticed it first, within seconds of entering the common room. A huddled mass on the floor beside the fireplace. Two figures fast asleep, slightly apart, wrapped in a blanket, facing each other. Raven and auburn. Two arms, fingers intertwined.

"Sirius… please," she moaned in her sleep.

There was a desperation and urgency in her tone.

…

He couldn't think straight. He felt the need to sit down, as though he had been punched in the stomach. Thoughts whirled chaotically. Why had he never considered this? Lily, clearly the most beautiful girl in the entire school (in his opinion), and Sirius, repeatedly voted the best-looking boy in Hogwarts? Hadn't he watched them dancing so flawlessly together? Hadn't he watched their friendship grow? How could he have been so oblivious?

"I …didn't," he stared down quietly. "I…"

He had to leave.

…

He leaned against the cold wall, breathing in the warm, gorse-scented morning air, rays of sunlight hitting his face. He felt gutted.

He just needed time, he told himself sternly, time to get used to it. It just hurt that Sirius had never told him how he felt about Lily. _But then again, how could he have, you idiot, James thought_. How was Sirius supposed to tell him how he felt, when he had repeatedly bored them all to tears about his infatuation? Fuck. He put his hands on his face as he felt his cheeks burning. And Lily had been so kind to him. But she was kind to everyone. Maybe that was why she had asked him out, because she felt sorry for him? Surely not? She had known he fancied her. But… there was no way she could have told him she fancied Sirius.

So maybe Snape had been right? He imagined the humiliation of Snape finding out, that Lily was dating his best friend. Snape would be both delighted and horrified (he didn't exactly like Sirius either, even if he hated James more). He closed his eyes.

He was being a fucking sap. He could do this, he told himself. He had no choice. He would focus on the school Quidditch Cup finals coming up now. The school was closing early this year for the summer break due to the Quidditch World Cup. He'd pester his parents to let him go to D'Arcy's Quidditch Camp in France for at least a month, leave the country. Then they'd be in Italy for another month, far away from it all, from her. He would keep busy next year, study his arse off for the NEWTs, and hopefully still be captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team. That way, he could lose himself in nightmarish training schedules. He'd do his best to avoid spending any time near Lily because he didn't think he could fake his feelings around her. And he wanted her to be happy. He really did. She deserved that. And Sirius, he could cope, as long as he didn't talk about Lily, as long as he didn't gush about her the way he had. _Why hadn't Sirius said anything?_ Sirius was like a brother. He was his best friend. But he'd have to move out as soon as school ended. Move somewhere far away. There was no way he could be around them. It sounded dramatic and poncy, but it was the truth.

He opened his eyes.

"Bloody hell," he muttered, seeing the gang of 6th Year Slytherins walking towards him, practically in front of him now. He pulled out his wand discreetly.

"Potter," said Carrow, a disconcerting smile on his face. "How's your leg?"

The others laughed heartily at that, as though sharing a private joke.

"Carrow," he replied steadily, left hand still gripping his wand. He continued leaning against the wall.

"Good to see you out and about," Carrow said, his smile failing to reach his eyes. "I'd take care though, if I were you, wouldn't want anything else to happen to you, would we?"

"I didn't know you cared, Carrow? Aww, how sweet!" James' voice was cool, slightly mocking.

Carrow looked momentarily taken aback. The last thing he wanted was for rumours to spread that he was Chasing for the other team.

"Fuck you, Potter, I'm not gay!"

James laughed aloud. Damn these homophobic, bigoted bastards.

"Could have fooled me, Carrow," he winked suggestively at him.

"Minnie," he added conversationally, looking past them at the Head of Gryffindor, as she appeared at the other end of the courtyard.

He snorted at their sudden, jerky response as they all whipped their wands back inside their robes, looking terrified.

"James, everything alright?"

He turned to see Remus, who managed to look simultaneously calm but somehow threatening.

"Splendid, thanks Remus, these lovely boys were just leaving," James nodded in reply, winking at Carrow once more, before waving the group on in a patronising manner.

Remus walked over to him. James thought he looked exceptionally pale.

"Prongs, I'm sure that there's-" he began cautiously.

James looked away towards the lake.

"I'll be fine, Moony," he eventually continued, the strain in his voice evident. "Just give me time. But I can't stand talking…"

"I can't believe that-" Remus tried again.

"Leave it, Moony!" said James, raw urgency in his tone, his hand gripping Remus' shirt. "And don't get into a row with Pads, or hassle Evans. Just… leave it be. Please?"

Remus clenched his jaw. James had no idea how he felt about Sirius, how he felt about the idea of him being with Lily Evans. He longed to confide in someone, anyone, about how he felt. He felt so confused, alone, and shocked. He had no right to feel anything, he had no claims on either of the two. He had no claim on Sirius. He had promised himself no relationships in school. Had he secretly thought he had a chance?

"Okay, sure," he said, feeling tired and overwhelmed all of a sudden.

…..

"What the fuck is going on, Evans?" whispered Sirius, leaning over to her and frowning as he glanced back at Remus and James, sitting on the opposite side of the Transfiguration Classroom.

"What do you mean?"

Lily knew exactly what he meant.

"Those two, they've been acting damned unusual all day. Missed a shitload of classes, practically ignored me when I went over to congratulate them on escaping from Poppy. Keeping me at arms' length since. I mean, I was chatting to them yesterday evening in the infirmary and they were in great form, especially James, but both of them."

"I've no idea, Sirius," sighed Lily, glancing over. James was staring resolutely ahead at Professor Mc Gonagall, uncharacteristically still in his posture, and Remus looked very tired and pale. "Maybe they're still not well? They look exhausted."

"Well, they're not the only ones!" grumbled Sirius, feeling guilty as he looked at his friends again. "I can't stop dreaming about fucking Malum, I know you can't either, and I keep feeling responsible for-"

"Stop it, Sirius!" said Lily sharply, holding onto his sleeve briefly. "You have nothing to feel bad about. The dreams will fade..."

"Maybe, once the trial is over," Sirius whispered, looking disgusted. "I hate her!"

"It'll be fine, Sirius," she said quietly. "Do you want me to say anything to them?"

"No, not at all," said Sirius, secretly wishing the opposite.

"Sirius Black and Lily Evans!" Mc Gonagall said sharply. "Stop whispering! You two have been babbling away for the past ten minutes. One more interruption and you will both get detention!"

James' head dropped down. Remus slid down his chair.

"Sorry Professor," Lily nodded, a small wrinkle in her forehead.

She really didn't understand James at all. They had been getting on so well over the past few weeks in the infirmary. She had come to visit him every single bloody day. Because she loved talking with him, and because they were friends, and he made her laugh, and he said she made him feel better. And also because… yeah, it was embarrassing how obviously she had been flirting with him. Cringe-worthy. But he had seemed so thrilled. Drinking her in like she was a precious gift, like she was the only person in the world that mattered.

 _"Evans, you are one hundred percent flirting with Prongs, aren't you?" Sirius had asked one evening after their visit to the infirmary, winking at her and tossing his silky hair back. "You were staring at his sexy arms and broad shoulders, weren't you?"_

 _"Shut up!" she had replied, flustered and pink. "Wasn't!"_

 _Guilty as charged, she had thought. Never mind his gorgeous eyes…_

 _"It's alright, Darling, I believe the feeling is more than mutual!" he had said, laughing loudly, sprawled out languidly on the couch. "I must say, I'm utterly delighted. Bags I get to be Best Man at your Wedding!"_

 _(She had hexed him)._

Yet now James seemed to be actively avoiding her? The mixed messages were driving her insane. There he was, completely ignoring her, his shirt sleeves rolled up, the beautiful veins that traced themselves from his hands up his strong forearms, the way the material of his shirt was stretched tight across his shoulders, the slope of the muscles of his back. The way he closed his eyes when he sighed to himself. His long straight nose, that jaw, those lips, the small dimple in his right cheek (which was sadly missing because, for some reason, he looked very serious). She wanted to shake him, and shout at him, and fix his glasses, and run her fingers through his annoying hair, and hold his shirt collar, and fix his tie, and tell him she liked him (a lot) and she was tired of not knowing if he still felt the same way, and to snog him. Badly. Very badly. Why was he not turning around to grin at her? Or say something stupid and adorable? Or just to hold her gaze, like he sometimes did?

….

Sirius was also staring at someone, Remus, who seemed in a world of his own. He found himself thinking about all the things he loved about Remus. For some reason, he loved the way Remus' hair curled slightly at the back, where it brushed the edge of his jumper, the way Remus brushed his hand against his stubble distractedly. And pulled his jumper sleeves down over his wrists. And blinked three times before answering a difficult question, as he had just done. Everything about him was…

Remus looked over at him briefly, an unreadable expression on his face. It reminded Sirius of his Stoic Remus look (the pre-and-post full moon look), for some reason… perhaps Remus was still in pain? He felt like murmuring soothing words to him. And the way his chest moved when he breathed…

Hang on a minute, that was utterly ridiculous. It sounded as mushy as Prongs on a bad day…

"Merlin!" he blurted out in shock.

He looked up and realised Mc Gonagall was staring at him and had in fact been speaking to him.

"It's Mc Gonagall, actually," she said dryly, regarding him sternly over her spectacles. "Less ogling and more concentrating on your work, Sirius Black!"

He opened his mouth to say something smart and failed miserably. He was in love with Remus Lupin! He was bursting to tell James. James would accept it. He had never let him down. He needed to talk to him this instant, or he was going to shout it out in front of the whole class. He really, really couldn't wait any longer!

The class seemed to go on interminably.

"Prongs, I need to speak to you urgently!" he said, as soon as class ended, grabbing James by his shirt excitedly.

…..

"What is it?"

The other students had left the classroom, it was just the two of them. James looked wary, standing near the window, possibly a bit scared, which was extremely unusual, Sirius thought distractedly.

"Prongs! I need to tell you something, I've been so blind! I hope you can accept it, that it doesn't change our friendship. I'm madly in love with-" he blurted out, his grey eyes shining, holding on to James' arms eagerly.

"I know," James interrupted quietly, looking out towards the lake.

"You know?" said Sirius, looking stunned. "How the fuck do you know, when I only just realised it myself?"

"I… we… you were asleep in the common room when we walked in… and I heard-" James muttered, not looking at him.

"Oh, Merlin, don't tell me I was talking about it in my sleep, that's so embarrassing! Dreadful!" he flushed.

"No, you didn't," began James, wishing he could disapparate on the spot, and avoid the rest of this conversation.

"It just hit me all at once, you know. I've been so stupid, I was feeling all these things, but I couldn't connect them, so I completely misinterpreted it as, I dunno, respect or something? Or admiration? I don't even really know! I was a bit slow!"

"Um… yeah," James nodded stiffly. His voice was gruff.

"Er…" Sirius stammered. "Do you have a problem with… with me being…?"

James' jaw tightened.

"No… it's just," he murmured. "I wasn't expecting it… it'll take some getting used to. I hope you understand, Pads… I find it weird… strange."

James was clearly struggling to remain calm.

Sirius felt winded. Of all the people he expected to judge him for his sexuality, he hadn't expected James to be one of them. He hadn't thought this through, as usual.

"You think it's weird? I really thought you'd be fine with it!" he said in surprise, looking at James.

 _Shit. Why had he said anything? This was a mess!_

"I… Pads!" James choked out, looked at Sirius with a wounded expression. "I'm doing my best but…."

His voice trailed off, he looked out again, his right hand gripping the window frame above him tightly.

"Shit. I didn't expect you to feel like that at all," Sirius said, looking deflated, picking at the paint near the window ledge.

James turned around and looked at him, running his hand through his hair anxiously.

"You didn't? Fuck…"

"Because I thought you were more open-minded than most people around here. I stupidly thought you'd support me, be happy for me, give me some advice," said Sirius, his voice trembling a little.

"Fucking hell, Pads!" James' hands were clenched. "I'm fucking human, alright? Give me a chance! I'll get used to it eventually, but it's bound to be hard for me at the start, surely you get that?"

"Don't worry, I get the message loud and clear, Prongs!" he snapped. "I thought you'd be a bit less judgemental, I didn't think you'd give a shit. I was wrong. Afraid I'm going to ruin your lovely Marauders, are you?"

Sirius said, sitting down heavily, disappointment and embarrassment enveloping him.

James' face had gone white.

"You didn't think I'd care?"

The incredulous note in his voice had an edge.

"No, to tell you the truth, I didn't even consider it! I thought you'd be cool with it. How foolish of me!" Sirius snarled.

James went to speak and closed his mouth, swallowing hard. He looked like he was about to cry.

"Fuck it, I shouldn't have blurted it all out like that," said Sirius bitterly. "You're clearly upset about it. It's fine, I won't judge you."

"Judge me?"

James looked like he had been hit in the face.

"Fucking hell, Sirius!"

He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Sirius paced up and down the room for a few minutes, before punching the wall, cursing loudly.

….

"Look, I'm not sure what's going on, Poppy said he's fit to play in the match today, but he's about as enthusiastic this morning as a pulled mandrake," said Woods, picking at his breakfast.

"I've no idea," said Peter, looking up briefly from his piled plate. "Moony?"

"Er," Remus flushed uncomfortably and waited until Woods was in another conversation before whispering back. "I think it's got to do with Pads and Lily being together."

"What?" Peter said loudly, dropping his fork with a clatter. "Oh. My. Merlin. It makes sense now, he started disappearing from the dorm in the middle of the night, but I had no idea…"

"Yes, well, there it is," said Remus stiffly. His breakfast tasted stale and old and of nothing. He forced it down his throat with suppressed rage.

….

 _"And the Hufflepuff Team are really on form today, those Gryffindors will need to pull out all the stops to keep them from scoring again! And unfortunately for them, just when they could do with some of his top form, their captain James Potter is playing rather badly today."_

Eubha Nic Ghille, The Slytherin commentator, smiled contentedly, as she saw the red and gold area of the stands turn to glare at her. They groaned loudly as the Hufflepuff team scored again and the black and yellow supporters screamed with delight.

" _And there's another fantastic goal, bringing the Hufflepuff score to 110, well ahead of the Gryffindor's 60_ ," she continued, her strong Scottish accent lilting cheerfully. " _It looks like this game is a foregone conclusion!"_

"Oi, Potter!" Woods shouted over the din. "Ask for a time out!"

The match was a nightmare.

"Oh, to hell with it!" said James, cursing to himself.

He gestured to the referee.

" _And Potter is now looking for a break, to assess the bleak situation, and see if there is any coming back from the mess his team is in!_ " Eubha continued gleefully.

"Piss off!" he growled, hurtling towards the ground at breakneck speed, and narrowly avoiding Sirius who hadn't been paying attention and had only just realised that the game had been paused.

"I've no idea why James and Sirius are playing so awfully!" Mary wailed, gripping Lily's arm tightly and shouting encouragement to the downtrodden team.

"I do," said Peter, who was sitting next to her and Dorcas. He had recently developed a bit of a thing for Dorcas Meadows and he was dying to join in the conversation, so despite his better judgement he continued. "I think they may have had words, I doubt James is too happy about Lily and Sirius, unsurprisingly!"

"Pardon?" Mary's eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah, you know, them consorting… em, going with each other?" Peter finished feebly.

"Excuse me, Pettigrew," Lily whipped round with a horrified look. "I am not dating Sirius Black, you imbecile!"

"But we thought…" Peter shrank before her.

Remus had an unreadable expression on his face, but his eyes were glinting.

"Bloody Merlin, you're all as thick as a troop of clabberts! No wonder they were ignoring us!" Lily gasped, staring at James and Sirius' figures, standing slightly apart from the rest of the team. "We've got to tell him!"

She jumped up to stand on the railing in front of her and balancing precariously, she shot a tickling hex at him. He turned around with an irritated expression, scanning the crowds, and looked with disbelief as she waved madly at him and flicked her wand, spelling out the following message mid-air:

 _I'm not dating Sirius, you lunatic!_

"What the…" James turned to Sirius in confusion. "You're not?"

"Of course not, you weirdo!" said Sirius, looking at him as if he had grown two heads. "Why on earth would you think so?"

"Then you're not in love with her?" he stared at Sirius wide-eyed.

"Eew! No, no way, that's _so_ not right!" Sirius replied looking slightly queasy. "She's good-looking and all that but, you know, she's like a sister to me, so ... ugh! Are you sure that head injury isn't worse than we thought?"

"Pads, I love you!" James blurted out, his face radiant with joy, as he grabbed Sirius and proceeded to squeeze him in a bone-crushing hug.

"Prongs, you're really unusual, you know that?" Sirius spluttered as he tried to pull away from him.

"I'll tell you what I am, Pads, I'm fucking ecstatic, that's what I am!" James beamed at him, unable to contain his delight.

He waved manically back at Lily, his hands in the air gesturing wildly.

"What is he doing?" said Dorcas, confused.

"He's such a dork!" Lily laughed loudly, her cheeks bright pink. "We just finished the Second World War in Muggle Studies, and he's copying Churchill's victory sign, which is exactly what we need!"

"Victory for Gryffindor!" she shouted, making the v sign back at him.

 _Show me what you've got, Potter!_

She stood underneath the writing, grinning teasingly at him.

"Fucking hell!" James stared at her again. "Fucking hell!"

He grabbed his broom and flew straight at his team mates, bellowing orders, Sirius following behind shaking his head in bewilderment and glancing at the Gryffindor stand repeatedly. The entire stand was roaring now, gold and red swaying, victory signs waving.

…..

"V for Gryffindor!"

"All hail the conquering heroes!"

Shouts and squeals of delight erupted in the Gryffindor common room as the team made their way in, jostled by the crowds, the Hogwarts Quidditch trophy in James' hands.

"Well played, old chap!" Sirius grinned delightedly at him, after they had managed to find a corner and grabbed a drink.

"Same to you!" James laughed happily.

"I can't believe you thought that I'd started dating Evans!" Sirius shook his head again. "And you weren't even going to disown me!"

He was smiling, but he had a serious look in his eyes.

"Potters don't do disowning, Pads!" James said, raising his glass at him.

"How the hell did you not end up in Hufflepuff?" Sirius asked.

"Huh?"

"Taking in all the strays?"

 _The disowned heir, the mediocre nobody, the werewolf…_

James didn't seem to get it.

"My mum was a Hufflepuff, I would be happy to be one now, but as an 11-year-old, being brave and daring is far more appealing! Hey, you're lucky I didn't end up in Hufflepuff, we'd have beaten you to a pulp!"

"I'm very lucky, Prongs," Sirius said softly.

"So what the hell were you talking about when you said you were in love with someone, Pads? You completely confused me!" James suddenly asked, just as Remus and Peter had joined them.

"Pads in love?" Peter practically shouted his disbelief.

"Er…" Sirius looked up and met Remus' eyes. Fiercely bright eyes, and a hypnotic stare, that were willing him to disclose his secrets.

He gulped. He shouldn't have been sorted into Gryffindor, he was a bloody coward.

"Er… Mary Mac Donald?" he rasped, turning bright red.

"No way! Are you for real?" James looked at him in astonishment.

"Godric's gonads!" said Peter, gasping with delight at the gossip.

Remus was looking at him with what Sirius thought was an unhealthy dose of disdain and distaste.

As Peter and James converged in excitement, Remus moved closer to Sirius.

"My arse, Mr. Black!" Remus sneered, their noses practically touching.

"What?" Sirius' strangled voice was unusually high.

"You're no more in love with Mary Mac Donald than I am!"

He grabbed the nearest bottle of Firewhisky and gulped down the remainder of its contents.

"Good heavens, Moony!" Sirius stared at him. "Are you alright?"

He couldn't cope with looking at Sirius any longer, with his bloody posh accent and looking Greek-God-like in his quidditch uniform.

"Perfectly fine," Remus replied dismissively. "It's a werewolf thing. Alcohol cravings. Brought on by stupidity."

He turned and walked off, leaving Sirius dumbfounded.

"Hey, Pads, wish me luck, I'm going over to talk to Evans!" James squeezed his shoulder, rubbing his arm over his face.

"You might want to change first," said Sirius looking at James doubtfully.

"No way, Potter!" Mary Mc Donald interrupted them. "I happen to know for a fact that Lily Evans can't keep her eyes off you whenever you're in your quidditch gear. Pretty pervy, really!"

"Pretty pervy, eh?" said James, clearing his throat, and grinning with elation. "I'm never changing out of this uniform, ever again!"

He looked up and sure enough, Lily Evans was watching him intently from the other side of the room. She raised her glass to toast him.

"Excuse me, will you?" James' face lit up as he walked over to her.

"Now, Sirius Black, a little birdie told me you fancy me rotten, is that right?" Mary smiled at him coquettishly, placing her hand on his chest.

"Fuck…ing true, yeah, absolutely," Sirius said, looking horrified.

Oh Merlin, he was in deep, deep trouble…

 **Don't despair! Exciting death-Eater chapter on its way, and then the end of 6th Year (hint... Jily get together in 7th year, don't they?). If anyone is reading this would LOVE to hear from you (probably to give out to me!), it makes me so chuffed to read any comments!**


	21. An Invitation

Chapter 21: An Invitation

She was surrounded by people- Dorcas, Emma, that tosser Fayard, that boring git Leighton, and about four other Gryffindors (including Pickering and Kheir, who were perfectly decent 7th Year fellows, and good-looking to boot, which made it even more annoying). Because she was fun, and popular and bubbly and joyful as a rule. So he walked over slightly hesitantly, wondering if he shouldn't have followed Sirius' advice and taken a shower beforehand.

"Hullo, James!"

She was beaming at him, her hair messy from the hugs and excitement of the match, her cheeks flushed, from happiness and possibly a teeny bit tipsy? She looked adorable.

"Hi Lily."

There was a pause as the others regarded Lily and James, and they both looked flustered.

"Er, Evans, can we talk?" James said, ruffling his hair.

"Yeah, sure."

James looked around awkwardly.

"Walk with me?"

"Alright."

….

They were standing in Lily's favourite alcove, the one with the best views over the grounds of Hogwarts. They had chatted happily and easily the entire time until they reached it. Now they faced each other expectantly.

What the hell was he meant to say?

"Lily, do you trust me?" he asked.

Lily regarded him searchingly for a few moments, taking in the look in his eyes.

"Yes, I do," she sighed. "What have you done this time?"

James couldn't help his wry smile.

"Something utterly stupid and pointless that I regret? What else, Evans!"

James leaned against the alcove wall.

"So, what now?" Lily asked, folding her arms in front of her chest.

"This is going to sound very lame, but if you're not.. otherwise engaged… would you meet me on the platform in Hogsmeade on the day we go home for the summer holidays?"

"Meet you at the train station?"

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Where else would I be going the morning of our holidays, if not going to the station, James?"

"Yeah, fair point," he said, looking up. "I told you, stupid and pointless, remember?"

Lily shook her head and smiled back at him.

"Yeah, anyhow. Is that a yes, Evans?" he said persistently.

"I have to say I'm slightly disappointed, Potter," she said, raising her right eyebrow and smiling at him again.

"Oh?"

"It's just that I'd been hoping you'd ask me to… never mind. Sorry , I'm slightly merry," she blushed and giggled lightly.

"You are?"

"You know, not poleaxed. Or scuttered."

James snorted.

"Or stocious or banjaxed, as they say in Ireland. Only just a bit merry!"

"I get it, Evans," he grinned at her. "Only a tiny bit sozzled?"

"You're so posh, you know that?" she burst out laughing, closing her eyes with mirth. "Sozzled!"

"Am not!" he grinned wider at her.

"I love your dimple, you know that?" she added, looking at him happily. Her hand went up as if to touch his cheek and then fell back down at the last minute. "You make me laugh. You make me happy."

"I love everything about you," he said, stepping closer to her. Impulsively. Drawn like a magnet.

"Hmm, well, that's handy," she said softly. "I must remember that."

"You should," he said. He was very tall, looking down at her.

His voice had gone quiet. She felt slightly flushed.

"You're pretty perfect, you know, especially in your quidditch gear. It should be against the law, Potter."

She liked saying his name. He looked so thrilled, she thought this might be the perfect time to kiss him.

"I thought I told you to keep away," said a voice behind him, filled with hate.

James whirled round.

"Merlin's pants! Would you kindly piss off, Snivellus?" he said, resigned to the inevitable.

Severus' dark eyes were angry, his thin shoulders hunched forwards.

"If I'm talking with Evans, it's none of your damned business!" James said.

"Oh I think it is, Potter, and you know it!"

Severus was now standing directly behind James and something about him made Lily feel intimidated.

"Breaking your word already, Potter?" Severus' voice was heavy with undisguised jealousy.

James turned around to face Severus again.

"No!"

"What's going on then, liar?" Severus said, the rage in his voice evident. "Going to try and tell me you're setting her up with one of your mates, or are all of you planning on sha-"

"Well, you know, funny you should mention that, Snape," Lily surged forwards towards Snape with such force that he stepped backwards. "You see, I'd much rather date any of the Marauders than spend five minutes alone with you. I'd even date them all simultaneously to avoid that. Are we clear?"

Severus stared at her in shock.

"Good!" she said grimly.

She turned back to James.

"So, the reason you turned down my date last year has something to do with the creep behind me?" she asked him.

A date? A date? Severus inhaled sharply. It was the first he'd heard of this and he felt physically sick.

James stared at her, biting his lip.

"Right. Well, let me remind you, it's my decision who I date, including who I chose to ask out, Potter!" she flashed.

"I know, Evans," he began, throwing his arms out helplessly.

"Are you officially an adult now?" she said.

"What? Well, yeah."

Supposedly, at any rate…

He looked confused.

"And the reason you didn't snog me after the amortentia episode was because…?"

"Look, we were bloody out of it," he said heatedly. "Of course I wanted to damn well snog you and … more, obviously, you know… but chances are the next day you'd have forgotten it or be regretful, so,"

"I'd have been ecstatic," she said firmly, crossing her arms tighter.

"Exactly! … Wait, what?"

"Potter, you're dense," she said, shaking her head. "If you're interested, meet me at two o'clock tomorrow afternoon outside the front door. It's a date to Hogsmeade, in case you're wondering. Now you'll have to excuse me, I need a word with Snape on his own, for a few seconds."

He looked momentarily stunned.

"A date?" he repeated.

"Consider yourself lucky, that's the second time I've asked you out!" she said, fidgeting with a stray curl.

"Of course I'll be there, I'm not an idiot, Evans!" he stared at her, utterly stunned.

"That's debatable, given what I just heard!"

She was trying to look cross, but she couldn't hide the smile on her face. He had said yes!

"Are you sure you want to talk to him alone? Will I wait for you?" he said quietly, stepping closer to her.

It seemed like they were the only two people in the world.

She nodded slowly, holding onto his shoulder momentarily.

"Alright," he said, running his hands gently over her upper arms, scanning her face with concern. "A few seconds. Take care, yeah?"

She reached up and smoothed the collar of his quidditch top.

"Yeah."

She had a strong urge to continue touching him. It felt so right. How come this perfect, kind, funny, wonderful person liked her back? This utterly gorgeous person? She still hadn't let go of his collar.

"Alright," he repeated, tearing himself away at last, and turning to leave.

"Your mother's looking very old, Potter, wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't keel over and die one of these days. Maybe Voldemort's men could help make that a bit sooner, put her out of her misery…"

James aimed a hard punch straight at his stomach and knocked him backwards. Snape lay on the ground, a small smirk on his face, as though he expected Lily to rebuke James.

James was still livid, his breath rapid and jerky.

"Oh," said Lily after a short pause. "Well, that pretty well sums up what I wanted to tell Snape, so I think we can go now. Thanks, James."

She placed a hand on his arm and felt the tension in him diminish slightly.

"My pleasure," James said grimly, shaking out his left hand and placing Lily's arm protectively through his own.

She was going on a date with James Potter tomorrow! A huge smile spread over her face as she repeated it to herself. She turned to look at James. He was looking at her with a beaming expression, the adoration in his eyes took her breath away. He looked like he had won the lottery, she thought.

If he had known what a lottery was, he would have assured her that he just had.

They were soon surrounded by other pupils drifting to and from the Gryffindor celebrations.

"Oi! Potter! In here! Mc Gonagall has called the squad for the official photos and stuff, you're late!" yelled Ronan O'Hara, coming over and thumping him excitedly on the back.

"Sorry, Evans!" James grinned at Lily. "I'll see you soon though, right?"

He looked so pleased, and he was so ardent, she thought. How could she ever have disliked him?

"Wouldn't miss it for the world!" she smiled back.

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away!" he replied, practically tripping over himself as he walked away unable to tear his eyes from hers.

She had asked him out.

He had said yes. He had not messed up.

Amortentia was nothing to the elation that stole over him.

…

The way they spoke with each other, the tone of voice, he had never heard Lily speak to anyone with such intimacy. He couldn't explain it, it was different. Like they had known each other all their lives, like they had nothing to hide from each other.

Severus Snape was furious. This shouldn't be happening. She was not going to be his.

He sent a concisely worded message by owl to Lucius Malfoy.

"Lily Evans and James Potter are being tutored privately by Caradoc Dearborn in DADA. The aim is for them to join Dumbledore's underground resistance. If the Dark Lord wishes to recruit them, there is little time. Their induction ceremony is planned for tomorrow."

Severus was aware that the information may have been somewhat inaccurate, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Lily was anything but stupid, she would understand that there was no choice but to join with Voldemort, much as he had. She wouldn't like it, but she was ambitious, and she wasn't ready to die. He knew her. As for Potter, well, he didn't really care. Knowing him, he's probably end up dead, but if he didn't, he relished the idea of him turning on Sirius Black. The end of their precious bloody Marauders. Although dead was certainly neater all round.

…..

Lucius Malfoy sighed drearily as he read the message, the very picture of calculated casual elegance, sipping his port. He really wasn't of a mind to visit Voldemort that evening, having just consumed a sizable meal at the dinner party he and his wife were hosting. The men were withdrawing to the smoking room to drink that incalculably expensive vintage Firewhisky he had been looking forward to all night. He had hoped to put in a good word for that business deal with Lestrange. And yet he knew it was wishful thinking. Snape was correct that Dumbledore was hosting some sort of initiation ceremony the very next day. He knew Voldemort would be livid if he thought they had lost two of the best up and coming duellers in the country because of him. He shivered.

"Darling," he turned towards his wife Narcissa. "You'll have to cope without me for a while. I must visit the Dark Lord on important business. Make sure those gluttonous bastards don't demolish all my 1633 Firewhisky, will you?"

He smirked mildly, enjoying the snorts of laughter and indignation emanating from his guests.

"Darling!" scolded Narcissa, looking uncomfortable, undecided whether to be cross with him or laugh at him. She did not like creating a scene.

"I mean it!" he said, as he finished the remains of his port, rose from his chair and lightly kissed her on the cheek.

"Take care, Dearest!" Narcissa's worried voice called after him.

She was happy enough for Lucius to be a Death-Eater as a rule, but she couldn't help the anxiety that plagued her every time he was summoned to Voldemort's side. She tapped the side of her dessert plate three times on the left and three times on the right. For good luck. For symmetry. To ward off bad luck. Merlin knew why, but she felt a wave of relief wash over her. At least until she felt compelled to do so again in a while. Until she had him back, safe and sound.

….

She hadn't told Mary about the date, not yet. She really wanted to, it was a big deal for her, so she hadn't mentioned it to all her friends yet. She had asked her best friend to meet her in their dormitory at midday, but Mary had failed to show, which was most unusual as she loved gossip, and Lily had promised her she wouldn't be disappointed. Lily sighed. She would tell Mary and the girls afterwards.

She hadn't planned what they would do, which initially worried her, but she knew James wouldn't care. She knew that he would be in flying form. That it would be fine. She let herself relax more. She was wearing her blue jeans and her strappy flat sandals and her white t-shirt, her simple outfit showed off her slim figure. After all, if he wanted a more buxom girlfriend, or a rich one, he had come to the wrong place! Emmeline had helped her put on her makeup, looking suspicious.

"What are you up to, Lily Evans? A secret, hot date with James Potter?"

"Ha ha! Fine, yes, as a matter of fact!"

She thought she deserved an Oscar for her performance.

"Okay, fine, don't tell me!" Emma stuck out her tongue.

"I promise I'll tell you later, chicken!"

"You better!" said Emma, smacking her on her arm with the hair brush.

…..

Lily had only just reached the front door of the castle when she heard a raised voice behind her.

"Lily! Can you come and help, quickly, we just found Mary, she's crying her eyes out and says she'll only talk to you."

Lily stared at Felicity and Elena, two timid Second Years who looked unusually calm and collected as Elena relayed this potentially urgent information in a flat tone.

"Shit!"

She glanced up the corridor, no sign of anyone coming.

"Okay," she sighed. "Felicity, could you do me a favour and tell James Potter that I'll be back shortly? He's meeting me here any minute."

"Yes," Felicity said.

"Okay, let's go!" Lily said, feeling guilty for being annoyed at her Mary's unhelpful timing.

They ran lightly down the stairs towards the ground floor cellars.

"What did she say?" Lily asked.

"Nothing, you'll see," said Elena.

Her tone of voice was blank, void, unusual. Mechanical.

"Is everything ok?" Lily stopped at the bottom of the stairs and pulled Elena to face her.

"That depends on what you decide, Lily Evans," said Elena.

Her eyes were dull and glassy, her voice had taken on a lower pitch.

Lily felt the hairs at the back of her neck stand up. Something was wrong. Her hand moved instinctively for her wand.

Six masked Death-Eaters moved out from the shadowy walls of the dimly lit corridor.

"Evans, always a pleasure," said the tallest figure.

"Mulciber," she said coldly.

Six to one, she thought…

"I wouldn't do that, mudblood," he said, as though he had read her mind. "We have Mary Mac Donald, and if you don't come with us willingly, she gets blown to hell. And Elena is under the Imperius, so if you mess up, she's going to end up in Azkaban. Understood?"

Lily's heart raced. They were capable of anything. Every fibre of her being screamed at her to run, to get away, that going with these Death-Eaters was like signing her own death warrant.

"And if I agree to come with you?" she replied.

"Your friend stays here and wakes up with a serious headache, and otherwise safe. Your choice…"

"Where is she?"

Mulciber raised his wand.

"Lumos!"

Lily's hand flew to her mouth. Her friend lay gagged and bound on the ground, she could hear pitiful gasps and muffled cries. Mary's face had a large bruise and her skin had a frightening pin-prick rash. Lily knew what that meant.

"Bastards!" she spat out with contempt.

"Oh relax, Evans, it was only once! The Cruciatus can go on a lot longer…"

Three wands were pointing at Mary and three at her. She couldn't risk Mary's life; the odds were stacked against her.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked.

She knew Mulciber was livid at her off-hand tone of voice.

"The Dark Lord wants to offer you an incredible proposal, one that a pathetic mudblood doesn't deserve," he sneered. "He is giving you the chance to join him. You should be ecstatic!"

Lily snorted.

"Ecstatic?" she said shortly, unable to stop herself from rolling her eyes at him. "I'd appreciate a written invitation the next time, with an RSVP. Clearly old-fashioned manners aren't something that come naturally to him."

The look of pure shock in Mulciber's eyes made her smile grimly.

"And I don't discuss terms and conditions except on a one to one, so if you're planning on inviting some more students along, I'm out. Got it?"

If this was James' vision, then at least she was going to keep him out of it.

Mulciber looked at his companions, they whispered quietly together and then nodded.

"Fine," he scowled. "Let's go. My Lord does not like to be kept waiting."

She bent down briefly to touch Mary's shoulder.

"Take care," she whispered, trying to hide the tremor in her voice. "And tell James I'm sorry."

She was smiling thinly, and her emerald eyes were overly bright. Mary's eyes widened with horror as she took in what was happening and began unsuccessfully screaming at her, with tears pouring down her face.

"It's ok Mary, don't worry, it'll be fine in the end."

She forced herself to stand up then and face the six men.

"Ready when you are, Mulciber."

He took her wand. He had to concede that she was impressive, he could see how she would be a potentially powerful recruit to their cause, at least for a time, until they won and disposed of such riff-raff appropriately.

Mulciber removed a hip-flask from his pocket, as did the other Death-Eaters, and handed her a phial of indecipherable colour.

"Polyjuice potion, drink it all," he said harshly, as they downed their own drinks.

Lily gasped in shock as in place of the six men, she saw Flitwick, Slughorn, Pomfrey and Dearborn appear, as well as two younger students. She felt herself changing uncomfortably, shrinking in height, noticed her hair turn a caramel tone and saw Mary hitch her breath – she was now Mary Mac Donald. Very clever, Lily thought, biting her lip. Now nobody would think to look for Mary for a number of hours at least, as she would be seen leaving the grounds in the company of four teachers. The real teachers had presumably already left that morning and wouldn't be back till late afternoon. Too well-thought out by far, she shivered.

A wand poking into her lower back jolted her back to reality.

"Move, mudblood," Mulciber's low voice threatened.

….

"Will I do?"

James smiled and shook his head with bemusement at Sirius, who had been regrading him moodily for the best part of a minute. He was wearing a muggle pair of jeans which Sirius had charmed to fit rather too tightly across his bum, and a faded cream t-shirt which brought out James' eye colour and skin tone, according to Sirius, who more importantly had recalled Lily's eyes roaming over James' arms and shoulders the last time he had worn it. He had charmed it to an even snugger fit this time, without telling James.

"I suppose so," Sirius sighed, as though regarding an unfinished piece of art.

Remus laughed fondly.

"We can't all be perfection like you, Pads," he said without thinking, eyes twinkling as he smiled at Sirius shyly.

"Clearly that would be unrealistic, I may have set the standard too high," smirked Sirius, grinning at Remus with a slightly pink tinge.

It was the first time that he and Remus had seemed friendly since the party the night before.

James seemed to sense this too.

"Oi! You two shut it! Come on, Wormy, keep me company to the front door, I need you to distract me! Pleeeeease?" he clasped his hands together imploringly and Peter burst out laughing.

"You're ridiculous, Prongs!"

"But you love me!" James grinned happily, while wagging his eyebrows towards the other two Marauders.

"Oh okay, fine," said Peter, finally understanding James' request.

….

"Pads, I'm sorry about yesterday, I really am," Remus said as soon as Sirius and he were alone. He looked uncomfortable.

"I didn't mean it, I was a bit drunk and…"

Now that it came to it he couldn't think of anything to explain his outburst. He couldn't bear the thought of not being friends with Sirius.

"And, I like Mary, so… I didn't want you leading her on. But it's cool if you like her, I'm really pleased, delighted in fact," he finished lamely.

Sirius tried to hide his disappointment and succeeded in grimacing while letting out a short bark.

"Ha! Yeah, right, good," he said, tossing his hair back and looking at the ground intently.

"Okay, sorry… good," Remus said quietly, rubbing his neck. "Are you around for lunch, or are you going on a date?"

"Here for lunch," Sirius muttered, throwing him a casual glance. "You?"

"Yeah, me too," Remus shrugged. "Coming?"

"Yeah," Sirius said.

He could have taught a masterclass on faked nonchalance.

…

"James, I don't think she's coming, mate,"

Peter was looking up at him with anxiety and cringing inwardly. The stupid, mean cow, why had she said she'd go on a date with Prongs if she didn't want to? Girls were baffling and annoying as hell.

"I suppose not," James said quietly, glancing at his watch for the millionth time. It was three o'clock.

"Maybe she was more drunk than I thought," he muttered. "I should have checked with her again today."

Peter stood beside him awkwardly, unsure what he should do.

"Do you want me to get the others?"

"Merlin, no," James groaned, rubbing his face.

He couldn't stand the thought of going back and seeing the disappointment and pity on Sirius' and Remus' faces respectively or listen to the backlash against Lily.

"Do you mind coming on a walk with me, Wormy? Clears the head…."

"Sure," said Peter immediately, breathing a sigh of relief.

Anything was better than standing there hopelessly.

They wandered outside, walking aimlessly, until they found themselves on the edges of the Forbidden Forest. James stood looking at the trees, playing with the tips of long grass with the palm of his hand. The dark foliage, the smell of moss and damp and quiet shadows. Usually it made him feel grounded, contented. He looked around uneasily. He couldn't shake off the feeling that they were being followed.

"We could run around for a while?" Peter said hesitantly, sensing James' mood.

"Yeah, maybe," James said, trying to fake a smile.

Peter shrugged and stepped forwards under the cover of branches. Within seconds his rat form was scurrying into the trees, checking every few seconds to see if his friend would follow.

"Fucking hell, just forget about her!" James said to himself, kicking against the nearest tree trunk. He made as if to follow Peter when he felt the tremor of someone close by. He turned immediately with his wand out.

A masked Death-Eater stood a few feet away from him. He was holding a small silver platter with a piece of rolled parchment, and in his other hand was a wand he recognised immediately: 10 ¼ inches, willow, swishy.

"Evans," he said, feeling suddenly cold.

"A portkey," the Death-Eater said, handing him the tray. "You have one minute to decide whether to follow me. I have cast the Ne Quis Vocantem Spell, if you attempt to contact anyone, we will be alerted, and the mudblood dies. If you fail to appear within that timeframe, she dies."

"You will notice a recurring theme..." he added in an amused tone.

Then he was gone.

James read the note. It was written on exceptionally old parchment by a refined hand.

James Fleamont Potter, you are summoned to join Lord Voldemort. As a pureblood wizard with exceptional skills, and from an old and wealthy family, he welcomes you with open arms and invites you to take the Dark Mark today as a sign of your allegiance to him. A high honour.

P.S. The mudblood is here.

He shivered.

"I heard everything,"

Peter's voice was squeaky and high, his blue eyes wide with fear. His expression was pleading.

"Do you want me to go and get help?"

James thought rapidly. He had one minute to come up with a plan. His hands felt clammy. He had to get her out. He needed to create a diversion. Luckily, he was an expert in diversions and pranks. She would have no wand, and they would need to free her first.

"Can't. You heard him," James said, placing a hand on Peter's shoulder apologetically.

"Oh, well, there's only one option so," whispered Peter.

There was no way they were walking themselves voluntarily into a rendez-vous with death. Even James wouldn't be that stupid.

"Exactly," said James, looking at Peter with intense admiration. "Thanks Wormy, you're braver than I am!"

"What?"

Peter's voice sounded confused.

"I have the cloak," said James speaking quickly. "They won't see us arrive, stay in your rat form till I give you the signal. If it looks like we can take them all on without Lily being seriously injured, I'll signal a thumbs up. If not, it's thumbs down, and I'll improvise. Get Lily under the cloak with you and get out. Stick to the plan, Wormy, or else we're fucked!"

Peter was trembling violently. The only thing keeping him from legging it immediately was the thought that either way he got to stay under the cloak, and the fact that James was holding his arm tightly and had a terrifyingly grim expression, and mostly the fact that he was frozen with horror.

"Fuck!" he croaked.

"It's fine," James said, misunderstanding Peter's fear, still looking at his watch intently. "I have a plan. Are you ready? Transform now!"

Holding onto the trembling rat, he sat on the ground and whipped the cloak over them both, making sure it covered them entirely. Not a second too soon, he felt the pull of the portkey.

….

The first thing that hit him was that it was a different place to the one in the orb - dirtier, smaller, darker, possibly somewhere in the forbidden forest, he guessed. Voldemort was there, he knew it instinctively, but his henchmen were different. And they were expecting them. Voldemort was scanning the room with pent-up energy radiating from him, while the wands of the other six men were all pointed directly at Lily Evans. She was sitting slumped forwards, hands tied behind her to the back of the chair. Her white t-shirt was stained with tiny dark polka dots. Her hair fell over her face and she was breathing unsteadily.

"I can feel it, he is coming," Voldemort said softly.

He looked unwell. Neither old nor young. His lips were a strange puffy shape, the skin under his eyes stretched too tightly, his hair thin but charmed to look fuller, his body too thin, wearing black robes which had a vintage look and extremely expensive. And his eyes – James couldn't tell what colour they had originally been, the irises were now a dark red and the sclera criss-crossed with spidery red blood vessels. His nose the only feature that remained handsome, as he was said to have looked originally.

"He's not," she whispered raggedly. "He's not that stupid!"

"Silence!" Voldemort cut her off with a flick of his wand.

"Plan B," whispered James, turning his thumb down.

He gripped Zonko's fireworks in his hand, pointed his wand at the corner furthest away from Lily and cast a spell, even as he threw the fireworks in the same direction. They exploded with a loud bang, smoke and flashing lights emanating from them. He silently thanked Sirius for wanting to prank those Third Years the previous day. He repeated the manoeuvre in the opposite corner, adding in a crashing charm to make it look like the building was being blown apart. He watched as all the Death-Eaters jumped with fear and disorientation, and began cursing the walls, forgetting their task. As Lily's body disappeared from view under the cloak, he cast a quiet Solve* and saw the rope fall to the Lily's body disappeared from view under the cloak, he cast a quiet Solve* and saw the rope fall to the ground. They had finally spotted him by now, yelling "Incarcerous!" at him even as he cast a stunning spell towards Voldemort, who blocked it at the last second.

They grabbed hold of him and yanked him into the chair where Lily had been kept, the Incarcerous bonds snaking their way around it, making movement impossible.

"Well, well," began Voldemort quietly walking over to him and regarding him impassively. "I had heard you like making a grand entrance."

James said nothing.

"Why don't you speak? You seem unaware of the fact that I am a Legilimens," said Voldemort, appearing unhappy. "I thought everyone knew about my legendary skills in this area?"

He looked to his followers for confirmation.

"Of course, my Lord, it is a highly publicised fact!" replied Mulciber immediately, stuttering slightly. Murmuring assent from the others.

"Not well enough, apparently," scowled Voldemort.

"Let me show you what I mean," he hissed quietly at James.

James tried to steel himself against Voldemort's mind, but without success.

Voldemort laughed, enjoyment evident on his face.

"You're only a boy, you have no hope against me!"

He delved into James' mind then, leaving him feeling exposed and helpless.

"They're safe, you can't find them now, they're gone," Voldemort appeared to be reading his thoughts aloud as though from a book.

He looked angry now.

"And your plan? Surprise them and fight them off, or get Lily out and create a disturbance… I see, and then?"

He searched James' face.

"There was no other plan," said James.

"No, there wasn't," Voldemort confirmed, smiling back.

...

*Solve - untie

 **Note**

 **I've had some bad news about the health of a family member recently. Writing this helps keep me distracted and really helps quite a bit, although not a lot of time, so updates won't be very often. Is there really 58 people following this story? If you are would love to hear, even a one liner to say you're reading it! Would cheer me up a lot, those of you who do comment are wonderful and I really really appreciate it !**


	22. Chapter 22: Defying Voldemort

Chapter 22: Defying Voldemort

He was scared now. Very scared. But he wasn't sorry. He was glad. Glad that Lily and Peter were safe. He wished he could have come up with a better plan, one that included him getting the hell out of there, but he hadn't been able to think of anything better, and he hadn't had Remus' help. Remus would probably have thought of a way out, James thought, he always managed to avoid getting caught.

His heart was hammering, and his hands were gripping the edge of the chair. Dear gods let him die with some honour. Let him die a true Gryffindor.

"So, we come to the end of this little game, James Potter," Voldemort said quietly, a look of victory in his eyes. "This is your last chance to make a wise decision. I am giving you a choice - to join us, your fellow pureblood wizards and witches, in the fight to save our heritage. To save us from those who would see us dwindle and die out entirely, leaving our civilization in ruins. Don't you want to save your family's heritage?"

His voice was softer, and so beguiling, for a second James imagined the magical community ceasing to exist without Voldemort's help. But not for long.

"Nothing you say makes any sense. There are no families without muggle ancestors. Not mine, not yours, none of us," James said, looking him in the eye, despite the wish to recoil from him. "Even the so-called Sacred Twenty-Eight."

"Who told you these lies?"

The fake warmth in Voldemort's tone had evaporated.

"My parents," he said, trying to keep himself from trembling. "My parents also told me that being a pureblood does not make me better than muggles, or half-bloods. They told me to stand up against bigotry and hatred, and to fight back. To stand up for what is right, even if it means you stand alone. That doing nothing is not an option. I have a choice, and I will never choose to join you."

"Then you choose death," said Voldemort, his tone glacial.

"No, you choose death. You and your followers have done everything in your power to spread death, and I won't be helping you. I choose life."

"That is a very stupid decision," said Voldemort, lifting his wand in front of James' face.

"Stupid decisions are my forte," said James, lifting his chin defiantly. "It's a well-known fact that I'm a stubborn git, who hates being told what to do."

"You will regret this, blood-traitor," Voldemort hissed, leaning forwards so his wand was digging into the base of his neck.

"Crucio!"

He was expecting it to be bad, but the strength of the spell was overwhelming. He had heard that for the unforgivable spells to work properly, the caster had to really mean it. There was no doubt that Voldemort meant to inflict as much pain as possible. He hadn't meant to scream, but he could hear his anguished cries as he tried desperately to get away from the source of the pain, flailing about on the chair. The chair tipped over and he was flung to the ground, still tethered to it, the pain continuing till his voice grew hoarse.

"Want to change your mind now, Potter?" Voldemort's high laugh echoed.

"You could beg for mercy, but it's probably too late now?"

James recognised Mulciber's voice, joining in his master's jeering of him. He was lying sideways on the ground, half of his face plastered onto the muddy floor. he could see the rest of the Death-Eaters were removing their masks, confident that he was a dead man and that there was no longer any need to hide their identity. He knew a few of them – Knott, Fitzwilliam, Crow.

"Can you imagine how your parents are going to feel when they see your body?" Voldemort continued cruelly. "We were going to dump it outside Hogwarts, as a warning to your idiotic fellow students who might be tempted to follow your lead. But in retrospect, it might be better to dump it outside your home, Potter. Your parents are elderly, aren't they? I wonder what it will do to them to see your disfigured body, to see how much you suffered before you died? And, don't forget, it will be all your fault. Imagine the pain you could have spared them, had you just agreed to join our ranks?"

Voldemort turned to his followers.

"Who wants to go first?" he asked.

Mulciber stepped forwards eagerly.

"Go ahead, one at a time," said Voldemort, sighing loudly, and moving out of the way. "Such a waste, he could have achieved a lot under my tutelage."

James closed his eyes briefly.

I'm so sorry, mum and dad, so sorry, he thought.

"Crucio!"

That word again. Reflexively he flinched and tried to draw his legs up to curl himself into a ball, forgetting he was still tied to the chair. He could hear himself screaming, as if he was looking down on himself, an out of body experience. He could hear jeering taunts and laughter, and then he was blacking out.

"He needs to be awake for this!"

"Sana velox!" Mulciber muttered, looking somewhat dejected.

"Temporary healing spell, Potter," said Voldemort, in what was probably meant to be a conversational tone, but sounded nauseated. "Just so you don't miss anything before the grand finale."

"I almost forgot, we're going to need some nice reminders for your parents, as per our earlier discussion, Potter?"

Voldemort's wand flicked sideways into a complicated pattern that James did not recognize as he whispered a spell.

"Flagellum ignis!" said Voldemort.

"One of my favourites, I personally invented it," he added, turning to glance at his followers.

The Death-Eaters made approving noises, nodding vigorously and cooing to show interest.

He was desperately trying not to scream. The feeling of a whip lashing his side, followed by the sensation of intense heat and the smell of burning. Thrice more Voldemort lazily flicked his wand, before turning to one of the other Death-Eaters and sighing with evident boredom. The burning sensation did not abate.

"Fuck!" It started as a strangled noise and ended up in a scream, despite himself.

"Your turn," Voldemort said to Knott, with evident boredom. "Crucio and Flagellum Ignis etc etc ad nauseam until you're all done, then I'll finish him off. This gets terribly repetitive after a while, doesn't it? I really need someone to develop a few more creative spells to spice things up."

He cast a withering look at his Death-Eaters. They were so pathetically boring and predictable, so lacking in originality.

Knott cast the spell and James' cries filled the room.

"My Lord, if I may, I have developed a new spell which might interest you?" Mulciber said loudly, attempting to ignore the irritating noise, and bowing obsequiously before the Dark Lord.

"Oh," said Voldemort, attempting to sound interested.

"Yes My Lord," said Mulciber, feeling suddenly anxious. "It involves a spell that results in a stab wound, much like a knife?"

"Ah, but without the dreadful mudblood connotations of having to use a tool which isn't a wand?" said Voldemort, his interest piqued.

"Precisely," replied Mulciber, eyes shining at the implied praise.

"I certainly think we might consider it at the end, thank you," Voldemort twisted his lips into a failed attempt at a smile.

They were interrupted by a loud booming voice rebounding across the building.

"Come out and fight, you pathetic half-blood, you worthless toerag! Or are you too scared to fight against a mudblood in case I win?"

Voldemort stood stock still, his eyes widened in complete shock.

Who the fuck... toerag... challenging Voldemort to a duel? James was barely coherent but he gasped with horror as the realization hit him.

"No!" he tried to speak, his voice a hoarse moan, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. "No!"

Voldemort turned to him and locked eyes with James.

"No," he felt dizzy and Voldemort's face was coming in and out of focus.

It was ridiculously easy for Voldemort to read his mind in these circumstances.

"Well, well," he said, his face alive with excitement. "It seems your mudblood girlfriend isn't safe and sound after all? How exquisite! You get to watch her die tragically and painfully before your own death? Magical! Forever separated by eternity. I don't believe in reunions in the afterlife, but an innocent fool like you? Ah, I would love to be there to savour your disappointment!"

"Fuck you, she's right!" James could feel his voice ebbing away. "You're pathetic, not even frightening. If it wasn't for your henchmen you'd had been defeated by Dumbledore years ago, you're weak compared to him!"

For a moment James could see the wrath in Voldemort's eyes, his wand pointed at him threateningly, before realization dawned on him and he straightened up.

"Delaying tactics. Outside! Drag him outside to watch, hold this torture till she dies!"

James tried to struggle as they lifted the chair back into an upright position and grabbed hold of his shoulders, one on either side, dragging him outside with them. The harsh grip against his skin after the Crucio spell and the manhandling of the burns made him practically pass out.

"Not Lily... leave her out of it..." he tried to say.

Nobody bothered replying to him.

Voldemort strolled forwards confidently, waving his men aside.

"I can deal with one little mudblood on my own!" he laughed derisively.

James could make out a flame of auburn hair, directly in front of them. He couldn't see properly, his glasses must have fallen off at some stage during the ordeal. She seemed taller than usual. As if she were growing out of a decaying oak which stood in the middle of the clearing right in front of where Voldemort now strode impatiently.

"What is… this?" Voldemort scoffed, looking at Lily with evident confusion.

Why was she standing on top of the tree like that? What was she playing at? And how did she still have the energy to stand up and face him? She should have been a mess, unable to move. They hadn't had time to inflict as much damage as with Potter, but it still didn't make sense, and made him feel strangely concerned.

"Riddle," she spat out, the pure contempt she held for him immediately evident.

"How dare you address me by that name!" Voldemort's voice shook with horror. He could not recall the last time anyone had called him by that name, probably Dumbledore, many years ago.

"Oh, you want me to call you Voldemort? Dumbledore says you made it up."

"What?" Voldemort was aghast.

"Vain Selly, Lily Evans, same sort of idea," she said. "Pathetic."

"How dare you disrespect me like this!" Voldemort was furious. "You will pay for this!"

"So will you!" she shot back.

How dare that bastard hurt James like that! If she had been forced to listen to those screams for much longer she would have gone mad.

Voldemort glanced warily round him, his wand out. Who was hiding in the surrounding forest?

"Ignis Vitae!"

He shot a fiendfyre spell and the Living Fire consumed all around the surrounding trees. He sighed with relief when nobody else materialised.

Mulciber shared a concerned look with Knott. It was clear that the fiendfyre was already spiralling out of control.

"You will die now, the most painful death that I can conjure!" Voldemort hissed, regaining his control, and pointing his wand at Lily.

"I'm ready," Lily said. Her voice was beginning to shake now.

He lifted his wand and hurled an incantation at her, which she promptly blocked, before sending one his way, causing him to jump in surprise and side-step to avoid it. Voldemort aimed his wand at the tree.

"Confringo!" he screamed, causing the ancient oak to splinter and shatter apart.

Lily toppled over, landing in front of Voldemort on the ground, her wand lying outside her reach.

Voldemort was standing over her now, but James couldn't see her, his eyesight blurred.

"You fool, you should have run when you had the chance. Now both you and your blood-traitor boyfriend will die!" Voldemort vowed, his face contorted with rage.

Lily stared up at the spectral figure filled with hate and shivered. If only help had arrived on time. They should be here soon. She was sure all they needed was another five minutes. Five minutes they didn't have.

"I'm sorry James, so sorry!" she said weakly, attempting to lift her head off the ground to find James. "I couldn't leave you here."

She could see fire, fire spreading everywhere, and all before her was shimmering with heat and hate. She couldn't see him. Her head fell back, dizzy with exhaustion.

"Mulciber, this might be an opportune time to try out that spell of yours?" Voldemort continued, keeping his wand fixed on Lily, as though she might escape.

"Certainly, my Lord," Mulciber pushed his way to Voldemort's side, his misgivings about the fire forgotten.

"Try it, I want to measure its effectiveness, we'll move onto the killing curse afterwards," Voldemort said.

"With pleasure, nobody disrespects my Lord in that manner and lives to recount it!" Mulciber cried in a zealous voice.

He towered over Lily.

"Maledictus cultro!"

Lily didn't know what to expect and cried out in alarm as a knife wound appeared first on her arm and then on her outstretched hand. Blood began to seep out, staining her clothes.

"Excellent," said Voldemort quietly. "Keep going."

"With pleasure," replied Mulciber, raising his wand again.

This time Lily stifled a scream as she felt a sharp pain in her left side and looking down saw a large patch of dark blood spreading out across the lower half of her t-shirt. Her colour drained. She wasn't going to last long.

"Fucking leave her alone, you bastards!" yelled James, his raw voice struggling to be heard, as he felt himself becoming more lightheaded, fighting to remain conscious.

"Did you hear something?" said Mulciber with mock concern, turning to the Death-Eater beside him and ignoring James.

"No, not a thing," Crow replied with relish.

I have to do something, anything…

Turning his head to gaze at the building he had been held in, he whispered fervently.

"Accio wand!"

Unnoticed by any of the others, he held out his hand as his wand silently flew towards his bound wrists. The sight of his mahogany wand filled him with hope. Grasping it awkwardly in his left hand he struggled against the cords until it was pointed at Voldemort and with all his remaining strength cried out "stupefy!"

Voldemort fell forwards.

A stunned silence followed. One heart-beat. Two heart-beats.

"Accio wand!" Lily's hand flew outwards as she called her wand.

"Petrificus totalus!"

James aimed a full body- bind spell at Knott, before murmuring "Solve!" and drifting towards unconsciousness.

"Alarte Ascendere!" screamed a furious Death-Eater at Lily, as Fitzwilliam roared "Confringo!", molten white and amber lights streaking towards her. She immediately blocked the two curses, groaning as she lay on the ground, each movement resulting in further spreading of the warm blood oozing from her side.

"Immobulus!"

Mulciber's freezing spell hit Lily, and she slumped backwards, the charm rendering her unable to move or defend herself. The flames from the raging fire, now completely out of control, were licking at the sides of the house, mere feet away from where the group stood.

"Voldemort! I'm coming to get you!"

Seemingly out of nowhere, Dumbledore's voice echoed from outside the perimeter of the fire, and all the Death-Eaters immediately wavered, turning to Mulciber.

"Get the hell out of here!" yelled Mulciber to his men, grabbing hold of Voldemort's limp body as the flames approached him.

"Good riddance, mudblood, they'll be too late to save you!" he turned, flicking his wand one last time towards Lily's body, before disapparating.

Mudblood…

The word registered dimly in James' mind, as a rousing clarion call.

"Lily!" James had lost his voice, a soft whisper the only sound he was capable of.

He was aware of the overwhelming smoke and flames. He couldn't see her. Crawling forwards on his forearms and belly, pain from the Cruciatus and Voldemort's burning curse pushed aside, he spotted her lying unconscious, and saw the knife wounds.

"Lily, hold on!"

He began whispering healing spells as fast as he could, all the ones he had learnt from his mother, from his Quidditch matches and especially from Remus' transformations. He was coughing violently, and he put his hands out as the heat from the fire drew closer.

"Aguamenti!" he said, knowing it would be useless in halting the fiendfyre.

He aimed the spell at Lily, squeezing her hand, and shut his eyes.

Notes:

I hope you enjoyed that!

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who left messages/comments on my last chapter, I really appreciated them a lot. I'm not in the hospital any more, and taking some time off work to be with my sick family member who is now at home, so getting to do a bit of writing here and there, and it really does help distract me a bit cause it's quite depressing dwelling on things ... and your comments are even better at lifting my mood :))))


	23. Lost & Found

Chapter 23: Lost and Found

Under the invisibility cloak, Peter had managed to stagger with her, practically carrying her, until they reached the outside, where Lily had promptly collapsed onto the ground. Terrified, he had struggled to pull her behind him, aware that at any stage they could be followed, that her disembodied legs were now poking out. He reached the cover of trees on the other side of the clearing, his sweaty hands making it impossible for him to hold onto her skin, cursing to himself as once more she slipped from his grasp.

"Hurry up Lily, we need to get out of here immediately!" he said in a shrill voice, shaking her in agitation.

Lily's eyes shot open, gripping his shirt weakly she looked up at him with fear.

"My wand?" she whispered.

"Got it," said Peter shakily handing it over. "Now we need to move onto the next stage of the plan, getting you out of here! Get up!"

Lily nodded groggily, attempting to stand, and swaying unsteadily with Peter's support. She placed her hand on the pine tree in front of her, bending forwards.

"I feel like I'm about to faint," she said, a wave of nausea washing over her, black spots in front of her eyes.

"You'll be fine in a minute, let's go!" said Peter urgently, glancing around nervously, the cloak wrapped around his shoulders.

"What about James?" said Lily, closing her eyes in an attempt to quell the dizziness. Her knees felt as though they were about to give way beneath her.

"He's... he has a plan. My job is to get you out of here!"

The realization was finally dawning on him that James was not going to make it. And that a similar fate awaited them if they didn't leave at once.

"Wait, just give him a few more minutes, I'm too weak to move!" she replied anxiously, peering down towards the crumbling building. She wasn't leaving without James.

"Lily, I'm not waiting, we have to move, now! There are death-Eaters stationed close by, I heard them. We need to get past them using the cloak and warn Dumbledore."

Unbelievable, he thought, they had risked everything to get her out and now she was going to jeopardise it all? If she didn't leave now, she was screwed, and he was not going to die with her. And he wasn't going back for James. He couldn't.

An anguished scream rent the air, shattering the heavy silence of the forest. It continued unabated, the faint sound of laughter following incongruously. Numerous crows squawked with alarm, rising from the forest canopy with frantic flapping of dark wings. Lily heard the alarmed bleat of a large animal as trampled branches and snapping twigs echoed around them.

"James!" she said, desperation in her eyes.

Peter felt a pang of guilt settle heavily on him and he shuddered as he continued to hear his friend's voice, more accurately, his tortured cries.

"Fuck!" he whispered, wishing he hadn't heard.

"Peter, I'm not leaving him!" Lily told him, the steely determination in her damp eyes confirming that she was not going to be swayed.

"Lily, you're practically fainting, you're in no fit state to fight!" he hissed back angrily, biting his nails.

"And I'm utterly useless at duelling," he added, trying to sound sheepish.

It wasn't true, he had heard Dearborn praise his skills in DADA with evident surprise, but people tended to always underestimate him, and it suited him admirably. The only person in the entire school who suspected that he was lazy, and more able than he let on, was Mc Gonagall.

Highly intelligent, that woman.

"Alright, Peter," said Lily, feeling guilty. "I have an idea."

She sat down suddenly.

"That's better," she muttered to herself. "Look, I'm going to draw Voldemort out, it's the only way to buy James more time. I need you to slip past the guards using the cloak, and if you don't hear back from me within five minutes, use the Sonorous Charm and pretend to be Dumbledore. It might be enough to frighten them into leaving. Can you do that? I know you're brilliant at impersonating teachers."

"I can try," said Peter dubiously. "But I don't understand how we're going to be able to contact Dumbledore, how do we get actual help? There isn't enough time, you can't apparate into Hogwarts!" Peter asked, neck jerking from side to side as he scanned the forest for any new threats.

"I'm going to try a Patronus Charm." said Lily, looking at her wand anxiously. "I haven't successfully managed it yet."

Holding her wand out in front of her she thought back to her happiest memories. Maybe playing on the beach with Petunia as a young child during her holidays in Connemara? Maybe when she learnt how to ride a bike and her parents' excited screams? She closed her eyes.

"Expecto Patronum!"

A whisp of shapeless mist flew out of her wand, enough that she guessed her Patronus to be a four-legged animal. This was all she had been able to achieve when she had previously attempted the spell. She closed her eyes again, and James came unbidden to her, dancing with her at the Hogwarts Christmas Ball; or stumbling as he said goodbye to her after she had asked him out, a huge grin plastered on his face. Maybe these weren't her happiest memories, but thinking about him made her feel so safe and whole, and what the memories represented was a promise of so much more.

"Expecto Patronum!" she called out.

Out of her wand burst a shimmering, glowing doe. Turning around gracefully, it stared at her, its wide dark eyes unblinking.

Lily gasped, taking in the noble animal in front of her.

"Tell them that we're in danger! Go!"

The doe leapt into the air with an agile kick and flew away, almost instantaneously lost in the dark gloom of the wood.

"One last thing, Peter! I won't be able to stand for long and I'm not facing Voldemort lying down!" she said, holding her head high. "If you help me climb that tree, we can use a Ligabis Charm so the smaller branches wrap around to hold me upright."

"Mad…" murmured Peter, sweating profusely with sheer terror as he heaved Lily up the tree as quickly as he could manage. Thank Merlin that Lily was slim, he groaned, as she finally got into position, ivy and flexible branches encircling her legs and waist.

She looked scared now, vulnerable, and small, and too young to be facing Voldemort. Too young to die.

"Lily," Peter said, hesitating, another pang of guilt overcoming his fear.

"Go, please!" she said urgently, her eyes narrowing dangerously as she heard James scream again. She might have been afraid to face Voldemort on her own, but to save James? An entirely different matter.

"The bastard is going to pay for that!"

Peter covered himself with the cloak, and she whispered "Voce Magna!"

As Peter desperately sprinted away, he heard the power of the Sonorous Charm carrying her voice. Confident, angry, dangerous.

"Come out and fight, you pathetic half-blood, you worthless toerag! Or are you too scared to fight against a mudblood in case I win?"

…

"Can you believe this?" said Dorcas, pointing at the headline article in the Daily Prophet.

"What is it?" asked Emmeline, leaning over. "Oh, shit! Malum…"

"What's that?" asked Sirius, snapping to attention, and rudely grabbing the newspaper to read the headline.

Malum Dies in Custody - Foul Play Suspected

Claudia Lavigne, a.k.a. Claudia Malum, has been found dead while in custody awaiting trial for attempting to poison James Fleamont Potter, Gryffindor Quidditch Team captain and only son of Fleamont and Euphemia Potter of Sleekeazy fame. The good-looking 17-year-old is a popular pupil, especially with the female students, and has been pictured with his parents on rare occasions in magazines such as Witch Weekly, although he has never given an interview. Rumours abound that Ms. Lavigne, daughter of the billionaire Alexandre Lavigne, had been contemplating a deal offered by the Ministry of Magic, whereby her term in Azkaban would be reduced or possibly avoided, in return for high-level intelligence on Death-Eater activity and the whereabouts of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. A reliable source based in the Ministry's Auror Office, who prefers to remain anonymous, confirmed this intel, adding "It is highly likely that individuals close to the Dark Lord, working in this office, were responsible for her death. We should know what curse was involved within the next week or so, and I am not at liberty to release further details which might compromise our investigation at this critical time. There is no other plausible explanation for what happened. The Ministry will obviously deny it, but anyone with half a brain cell will know I am telling the truth." The Ministry has strongly denied this claim and an official press release is imminent. Ms. Lavigne's family has been strangely silent since her death was confirmed and has refused to comment on the matter.

"Especially with female students… he'll love that!" said Beauchamp smirking.

Sirius ignored him and glanced at Remus, the two sharing a concerned look.

"That's not good, is it?" said Dorcas, frowning. "If even the Auror Office has been infiltrated by Voldemort, how are we supposed to successfully fight against him?"

"With great difficulty," replied Remus grimly, scanning the paper to see if further details were available.

"I don't like this," said Sirius suddenly, gripping Remus' forearm tightly.

"Don't like what?" said Remus.

"I don't know," said Sirius anxiously. "Something's wrong, I can feel it."

At that moment, Emmeline came running into the Great hall, rushing over to their table, visibly upset.

"It's Mary!" she said, tears in her eyes. "She's been attacked, and Lily, James and Peter are missing!"

"What!" Sirius looked at her dumbfounded.

Remus looked at them both, taking Sirius' hand in his, and squeezed it tightly, as if he knew what Sirius needed at that very moment.

"Where is she?"

"In the Infirmary," said Emma.

"Pads, we've got to go!" he said quietly, standing up and pulling Sirius up with him. "Emma, can you and Dorcas find Dumbledore and tell him?"

Emma nodded.

"I was on my way, but I don't think he's here today," she said, tears falling down her cheeks, as Dorcas hugged her tightly.

Sirius followed behind Remus, refusing to let go of his hand and holding onto it as though his life depended on it.

As soon as they stepped outside the Hall, they saw Mc Gonagall hurrying towards them.

"Boys, I was looking for you two!" she said, her stern face lined with concern.

"What happened?" said Sirius, his grey eyes awash with dread.

"Mulciber, and others," Mc Gonagall said the name as though the very utterance was causing her physical pain.

"Shit," muttered Remus, understated as ever.

"If I find him, I swear I'll," began Sirius, unable to breathe.

"Any idea where they might have gone?" said Remus.

"Mary thinks that Mulciber mentioned the Forbidden Forest and "The Grove" before they left, but I don't know where that is," said Mc Gonagall, the knot in her stomach growing.

Seeing her look vulnerable like that made Sirius more scared than anything she could have said. He had never seen Minnie like this before.

"The Grove," Remus repeated it slowly. "The Grove – Sirius, isn't that the old name for The Forlorn Grave, north-eastern corner of the Forbidden Forest? With the decrepit hut? The place we… the place animals avoid, with the acromantula nests?"

Sirius shuddered. He recalled the chilling nests of the gigantic spiders, usually solitary creatures, and the fear it inspired in the animagi.

"Are you sure?" he said, gripping Remus' shoulders.

"Yes, positive," Remus said, looking at Mc Gonagall. "I read it on an old map. It has the same etymological root. Grove and grave, middle English words."

Mc Gonagall stared.

Remus shrugged.

"I love words…"

"I love you," said Sirius fervently, pulling him into a tight hug and kissing his cheek.

"I second that," said Mc Gonagall, swiping at her eyes swiftly.

They were distracted by the silver doe Patronus, approaching them at top speed.

"We need help. No time!"

It sounded like Lily, but it was also different, lower and melodious, and the doe had hardly finished speaking when it turned, leaving a few shimmers of silver floating in the air, as it cantered away towards the gates.

"The brooms!" cried Mc Gonagall, as the three raced past a group of second years and grabbed their broomsticks to follow. The doe was fading, but they knew where to go, and the flames in the distance soon confirmed the location.

…..

"Peter! Are you alright?"

"Wormy! Where are they?"

Peter emerged from the thicket, just as they arrived at the edge of the forest, surveying the enveloping fiendfyre.

"They're there, in the clearing in front of the cabin, beside the oak tree? I can't reach them!" said Peter, looking terrified. "I think the Death-Eaters have just gone, I saw some of them disapparate a second ago!"

It looked hopeless.

"We can still apparate there, I know exactly where it is, it's too far to fly!" Sirius croaked, looking at Remus and Mc Gonagall desperately.

"Yes, Sirius, but you'd perish in the fiendfyre," said Mc Gonagall, clutching her broom with whitened knuckles. "I'll go, stay here!"

"Wait!" said Remus, so forcefully that Mc Gonagall stopped in her tracks. "Can we create a shock wave? It displaces hot gas from the source of a fire, spreading it over a wide area, cooling it and extinguishing the flame… I read about it…"

"A powerful shock wave?" Mc Gonagall asked, looking at Remus with undisguised respect. "I think we can use the Fluctus Spell… incantation Inpulsa. But we must stand back to back and aim your wands as far forward as possible! And say it before we arrive, any delay and we all die!"

"Hold onto me!" yelled Sirius, with no thought for his own safety. "I know where to land!"

Without hesitation, he pulled them in as they apparated straight into the burning inferno, screaming the incantation as one.

In a split second the fire, which had been poised to engulf Lily and James, was swept back to the edge of the clearing, Sirius and Remus seized the two bodies firmly and Mc Gonagall using side-along apparition to extract them, just as the fire roared back towards them unabated.

….

It was the last day of the school year, and by rights the Great Hall should have been empty by now, the students long gone home. Yet by tea-time many students remained, sitting quietly at their tables, the atmosphere muted and anxious. While many of the Death-Eater sympathisers had left that morning, a sizable proportion of Slytherins were still there, including Severus Snape, who looked unwell. He hadn't slept well for the past two weeks. How could he, knowing that Lily had nearly died because of him? How could she have been so stupid? She would never have tried to duel Voldemort if she had still been friends with me, he thought bitterly. She would have seen sense and joined them, joined him, if it wasn't for that bastard Potter. He had done it to protect her. It was Potter's fault entirely.

Despite this, for some godforsaken reason, his sleep had gone to pot.

"It's good to see how much the students still care for each other, despite their differences," said Dumbledore quietly, looking at the Slytherin table as he sipped his tea.

"Most of them do," said Mc Gonagall.

"I wasn't expecting them to refuse to leave Hogwarts until they got to see Evans and Potter," said Dumbledore with a tired smile. "Very vociferous lot, I thought they were going to instigate a full-out revolt! Even those Marauders, and they're the only ones who have been allowed in to see Potter!"

"Great boys," said Mc Gonagall briskly, staring down at where Sirius, Remus and Peter sat.

"Yes, I've told James and Lily and the others not to tell anyone what happened. If Voldemort hears anything that reflects badly on his reputation, they will be immediately targeted again. This way perhaps he will lose interest."

Dumbledore did not sound very convincing.

"Prongs!"

The room exploded in cheers and shouts of joy, pupils whistling loudly and standing up clapping. Sirius had raced over to James and threw his arms around him in a tight hug, dragging him over towards the others.

"Careful, Wormy! You'll hurt him! Moony, mind his back!"

Remus shaking his head and laughed loudly at his antics, Peter grinning from ear to ear and high-fiving everyone. A mass of students surrounding them all, wanting to share in the exuberance, the relief.

Severus remained in his seat, scowling. He had always hated the fact that James was popular.

James was grinning too, pale but happy, hand messing up Sirius' hair, punching Peter's arm affectionately, then gripping Remus' shoulder with the other.

"Any word from St. Mungo's?" he asked Remus. "Is she being discharged today?"

"Ten seconds," scoffed Sirius, adjusting his hair. "Ten bloody seconds before he brings up Evans!"

Remus rolled his eyes fondly.

"If you'd stop fretting and turn around, Prongs," said Peter, looking extremely smug.

James spun around towards the doors. Lily was standing there. She looked tired, he could see from the way her flowery green and yellow sundress hung loosely on her that she had lost weight. But it was her radiant smile, her mass of auburn waves, her shining eyes.

"Lily!" he said.

He found himself glued to the spot.

She saw him, and her smile grew impossibly large.

"James!" she crossed the room and flung her arms around him. "James!"

He didn't care that they were all laughing and wolf-whistling and cheering for them. She was in his arms and he wasn't letting go of her, holding her close to his chest and kissing her forehead and holding her face in his hands. They were laughing and crying, and she was running her hands through his hair and he was wiping away her tears. He wrapped her in his arms and held her gently, afraid of hurting her.

"Lily," he said.

The worry, hope, longing left unsaid.

"James," she said.

Reassurance, joy, hope.

He didn't let go of her, holding her hand even as she hugged and kissed her friends, Mary with bags under her eyes but hugging her tightly and sobbing, Dorcas and Emma squeezing her between them into a group hug. Even as she was lifted squealing off the ground by Sirius, hugged tightly by an unusually emotional Remus and embraced by a very relieved Peter.

"Oi! Quieten down, you tossers!" yelled Sirius, easily attracting everyone's attention, as he always did. "These two were supposed to go on a date before they were rudely interrupted, and I'll be damned if they don't go on one right now, because if I have to listen to that love-sick lunatic moaning about Evans for one more second, I will lose my reason!"

James tried to glare back at him and failed spectacularly.

"Thanks Sirius," said Lily regarding him with a cheeky grin, as she turned to look at James.

"This is the third and final time I am asking you out on a date, James Potter, because if I have to wait any longer to kiss you, I will lose my reason!"

"Bloody hell, Evans!" said James, in a low voice.

"You two, outside immediately! It's all ready to go!" ordered Sirius, beaming with pride. "And the rest of you can piss off until the train leaves in two hours! And nobody is allowed leave the building, the grounds are out of bounds until I give the all clear. Right Minnie?"

Mc Gonagall bit her cheek and harrumphed loudly to stop the laughter.

"Very well," was all she managed to say.

…..

The enchanted record player lay on the grass near the edge of the Great Lake, Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight playing softly. A sumptuous picnic under the shade of the huge beech tree, a hammock swaying lightly in the warm breeze.

"Sirius was so adorable to arrange this," Lily said, her voice sounding slightly breathless as she stared up at James, oblivious to their surroundings.

"Lily," said James, drawing her closer, running his thumbs over the straps of her sundress.

"Yes?" she said quietly.

He was leaning into her, her back pressed to the smooth tree trunk.

He kissed her softly and pulled back to look at her.

"James," she sighed, pulling him back in.

They were murmuring each other's names, and kissing, hands straying down his back and down her sides, kissing his neck and lips and jaw and the top of his chest and he was kissing her back just as fervently, her collar bone, behind her ear, her neck, under the straps of her dress. And still they remained there, still touching, still kissing, talking quietly at times in between kissing, her head tilting back as she laughed at his teasing and swatted him playfully, delighting in her happiness and trying to make her laugh some more. The dappled leaves seemed to exist purely to highlight the emerald of her eyes and the rays of sunlight to catch the golden flecks in his. The wind catching her dress, and lifting their hair until it intertwined, carrying their voices to where he stood.

"Go out with me Evans."

Low and fond.

"Yes," kissing his nose.

"Yes," kissing his dimple.

"Yes," sighing into his lips.

They couldn't see him but he was there, in the distance, torturing himself, a slight, hunched, tense figure, dusk in his eyes. The shadows lengthened, and still they remained there, lying in the hammock now, still embracing, still entranced with each other, until at last he turned and walked away.

Finally, finally! Hope you enjoyed it! Not much time to write right now but any comments would be brilliant and thanks so much to everyone who has commented so far or made excellent points (which have resulted in changes!) xxx


	24. Summer Sun, Something's Begun

Chapter 24

"Thomas - James is here!" Mrs. Evans called up the stairs. "Lily's on her way back from the shops, she'll be here any minute. You just missed her. She's been here all day, reading. You know how she loves books."

Mrs. Evans stood in the hall beside James, regarding him with interest. She had heard a lot about him over the years from Lily, the bad and the good, but nothing like what she had been told in the past two weeks. It seemed Lily couldn't stop talking about him.

"I know," James smiled. "That, and being outdoors, preferably both!"

"Exactly!" beamed Rose.

"Ah, James Potter!" said Thomas Evans, walking downstairs with a slight limp and extending a vigorous handshake. "You're very welcome, son."

"Thank you, Mr. Evans," said James.

He was feeling nervous and trying not to let it show. Damn it, it actually mattered a great deal to him how today went. And he felt out of his depth talking to them. He felt as though every last bit of muggle information he had ever learnt had deserted him.

"So, did you have a good journey here?" Thomas inquired.

"Er, yeah… I apparated to a place I know and… and it went… very well, thanks," said James.

"I see," continued Thomas, who was feeling conversational. "No bad weather during your trip I hope?"

"Weather?" said James, who had no idea how to respond. "Eh, no, it was good… I apparated in good weather."

"Excellent, excellent," said Thomas, smiling at them both. "I believe it can be pretty miserable if you're apparating when it's pouring? And apparating while flying is especially hard work, is it not?"

"Er, presumably?" he said lamely.

James looked at Rose who was biting her cheeks to stop from laughing. Her vivacious grin and her flaming hair reminded him of Lily. He thought she looked beautiful, and he wondered would Lily look like that when she was older.

"I don't think Thomas has a clue what he's saying, and neither do I, but you can see we're genuinely interested in your world, James. Your and Lily's world, that is," she corrected herself.

There was a small hint of loss in her words, and it made him feel sorry for them.

"Speak for yourself, Rose!" said Thomas. "I'll have you know I am now an expert on everything relating to flying, quidditch and potions. They're my areas of interest!"

Rose looked at Thomas fondly and winked at James.

"I love Muggle Studies, Mrs. Evans," James said. "But I invariably don't get how things work in real life, despite studying it for years!"

"We try," she responded, smiling at him.

"Actually, we just, ah, had something we wanted to say to you before Lily gets back," said Mr. Evans.

James was sure he must have looked very worried as Mr. Evans guffawed loudly.

"Nothing to worry about James, nothing like that!" he said.

"We just wanted to thank you James, for saving Lily," said Mrs. Evans.

Her voice broke a little and she reached out to squeeze his shoulder.

"We can never thank you enough, James."

"Don't mention it, Mrs. Evans," said James, who had gone bright red and was ruffling his hair again. "I owe her my life, I hope she told you about that part?"

"She did," said Mr. Evans. "But you still saved her, twice, from what I could make out."

"I had to," said James, looking at them strangely. "I couldn't let anything happen to Lily, could I?"

Thomas Evans looked at him intently and nodded slowly.

"No, not to Lily," he said softly. "I don't suppose you could."

Unspoken words passed between them.

"Lily was right about you, James," continued Rose, breaking the silence.

"Really?" said James.

"I think her exact words were that you were gorgeous, and that we'd love you," said Rose.

James perked up considerably.

"Did she now?" he said, with the beginnings of a smug smile.

"Did who what?" asked Lily, as she cheerfully flung the door closed behind her.

"Lily!" said James, his whole face lighting up immediately.

"James!" Lily said, his joy reflected in her own eyes.

"Let's leave them alone for a bit, shall we?" Rose whispered to her husband, moving him into the small kitchen.

….

"I missed you," whispered James, still beaming, brushing a strand of hair off her face, and leaning in to kiss her.

"Gods, I missed you too, James," she whispered, kissing him back hungrily.

James felt like he hadn't seen her in months, instead of fifteen days, like missing someone was an overpowering physical sensation. She looked beautiful in her plain white t-shirt and shorts. He moved towards her, so they were now pushed up against the corner of the hall door.

"James!"

The way she said his name like that made him weak at the knees. Made him want her so badly. It was definitely a bad idea, if her parents walked in now it would be supremely embarrassing.

"I kept thinking of when we kissed by the lake," he said quietly, pulling her into his chest.

"And when we kissed on the train," Lily said, wrapping her arms around him, and kissing him again.

"And at King's Cross," he murmured in her ear.

"I can't stop thinking about you all day," she breathed, running her fingers through his hair.

"And dreaming about you every night," he gripped her waist.

"Dinner's ready!" Thomas' voice boomed from next door and they both jumped.

"Coming," Lily answered in a trembling voice.

"I'm so glad you're alright," he said in hushed tones, kissing her forehead.

"Sshhh," she whispered soothingly, hugging him tightly for a second longer.

"Firstly- eww, gross! And secondly, who is that… that…"

Petunia had stopped half way down the stairs and was staring at them as though she had spied something particularly odious that she couldn't quite place.

Lily flushed with embarrassment.

"I told you, Penny," she said, looking at her pointedly. "I told you James was coming over for dinner today."

"Yeah, but you didn't tell me he was your boyfriend, did you? I mean, just, eww!" Petunia's lips curled in disgust as she looked James up and down, this boy who looked like he wanted to take Lily away from her family for good.

Why could they not just leave her alone? Make her want to come back to Cokesworth and get a job like normal people in their social class did? Meet a decent, hard-working bloke like Vernon and settle down? She would be the one that Lily looked up to, with her glamourous modelling work. Lily would find it hard to get a good job, with no state exams or connections. She might get a job in one of the factories. Petunia felt a jab of pleasure at the thought that for once she would outshine her perfect sister. It was very unlikely anyone with future career prospects like Vernon would be interested in her. But no doubt someone would marry her, she had noted that a lot of the local boys seemed quite smitten with Lily this summer. She was used to having all the male attention. She had always compared herself to Lily, competitively, always needing to best her.

But Hogwarts hadn't just stolen her sister in the short term, it threatened to split them up forever.

James looked down at his clothes self-consciously. He probably did look stupid, he thought, but Sirius had insisted (confidently, like he knew what he was talking about) that he wear dark jeans and an old orange t-shirt that Lily had said she liked. In Muggle studies they had learnt about what clothes to wear to a wedding and a funeral. But what did muggle boyfriends who wanted to make a good impression wear? Maybe he should have worn a suit? Or tails and a cravat? Was he supposed to wear a hat? What type of hat? Should he transfigure that scarf on the umbrella stand into an orange one? Fuck! Why hadn't he owled Remus? He probably did look a bit scruffy.

"Penny!" said Lily. "Don't be so rude!"

"Whatever," said Petunia dismissively, tossing her coiffed hair behind her. "I just don't want you to end up with one of that sort. I mean, you going to that school is bad enough, but I won't stand the indignity of you marrying one of them!"

Lily felt a surge of protectiveness and anger.

"He's my boyfriend, Petunia, it's my choice who I decide to go out with!" she said heatedly.

"Whatever," repeated Petunia, stalking past them. "Might I remind you, you have a terrible record when it comes to choosing boyfriends? I mean, that greasy git Severus certainly acted like he was your boyfriend, and he was terribly rude. And penniless by the look of him… and this one is probably the same, look at the state of him! He's probably after you for the money!"

She noted James' jeans again and stopped short, comparing them to her high-waisted flared pair.

"And I hope none of my friends see your boyfriend's jeans - that cut is appallingly out of fashion. You're so embarrassing!"

She slammed the door behind her.

"Comparing me to Snape, charming," muttered James.

He looked at Lily with raised brows.

Lily looked stunned.

"I'm so sorry James, I don't know what to say!"

"It's fine, Lily, don't fret," said James casually, placing his arm around her shoulder and squeezing her gently.

"What is she even talking about? Just so you know, we aren't well off, James, at all …" her voice trailed off.

Her father worked in the foundry down the road. During the Second World War he had been shot in the back while rescuing another soldier trapped under an overturned lorry. His chronic health difficulties prevented him from taking full-time work when he returned home, and the family had often been strapped for cash over the years. But Mr. Evans had recently been promoted, and practically all the extra earnings since then had been used to "invest" in Petunia's modelling career.

"Well that's handy, cause I'm not after you for your money," whispered James, kissing her cheek with a wink.

Lily shook her head. In the back of her mind she had been terrified in case anyone thought she was only interested in James because of his money and connections.

"Don't mind her," said James, taking her hand and walking towards the kitchen. "I want to make a good impression on your parents, I don't care what Petunia thinks!"

The sad truth that Lily silently acknowledged was that did care, she secretly wanted Petunia to like James. After all these years she still wanted Petunia's approval.

…..

"Great stuff, James! So your team ended up winning the inter-schools' Quidditch Cup this year?" said Mr. Evans.

He clapped James on the back enthusiastically, causing him to spill his drink onto his jeans.

"No, just the Hogwarts Cup, Sir," said James looking slightly embarrassed.

"You don't need to keep saying Sir, James!" said Lily, giving James a huge smile. "It's too formal, we don't use it."

"Oh, right, sorry," said James, grinning back. "What should I say? Dude?"

He had definitely read that somewhere. Mr. & Mrs. Evans and Lily snorted with laughter. James rolled his eyes.

"What? Is that wrong too?" he laughed playfully.

From the corner of his eyes he saw Petunia glaring at him. He cleared his throat hurriedly.

"That's probably enough talking about me. Penny, I believe you're interested in becoming a model? I hear you did some modelling work recently, congratulations," said James politely, sipping on the delicious ginger beer.

He was aware that Mr. Evans had been steering the conversation towards flying and quidditch for a long time and he now noticed Petunia's white knuckles gripping the cutlery too tightly.

"Oh, yes, she's doing very well, James!" said Mrs. Evans, with a forced smile. "Isn't she, Thomas?"

"Well, I suppose so," began Mr. Evans, who wasn't very keen on modelling as a career choice.

"Oh for goodness sake, Dad!" snapped Petunia, glaring at her parents. "You know very well I haven't had any calls for modelling work in weeks! It's going terribly, and I'll be back working in that horrible office soon if it doesn't improve!"

Lily bit her lip.

"Well, not terribly, love," said Mr. Evans anxiously, looking to his wife for assistance. "And you can always go and do a third level-"

"It is! If it wasn't for Vernon, my life would be horrid. I hate the summer. I hate when Lily is here! It's so creepy having her here. Do you remember the time four years ago when she changed the mug into a mouse? I can never relax, not knowing what kind of dark magic she might suddenly spring on me! "

"Dark magic?" said James, who was now staring at Petunia with an openly hostile expression.

Petunia blinked uncomfortably.

"Whatever you call it," she said, wrinkling her nose. "Mean, cruel magic to frighten me!"

Lily sighed heavily and slumped down in her chair. Petunia was bonkers, she decided crossly, folding her arms defensively.

"If there's anyone doing mean and cruel things in this house, I'm pretty sure it isn't Lily," said James stiffly.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans looked at each other nervously.

"Er, of course not, Lily isn't like that," said Mr. Evans cautiously. "And neither is-"

"I'm not like that, how dare you!" cried Petunia, flinging her cutlery onto her plate, and slapping her napkin onto the table as she stood up.

"Penny, please!" said Mrs. Evans, looking mortified.

"No! And don't you dare ask me to meet him again!" she shouted. "And make sure neither of them is here next week, or any other freaks, when I bring Vernon over, or else!"

She stormed out of the room and the front door slammed.

"Holy shit!" said James.

It was out of his mouth before he could stop himself. There was complete silence. Mr. Evans stared back at him momentarily.

"Holy shit!" Mr. Evans repeated.

He started to laugh.

Mrs. Evans' lips twitched and she laughed despite herself.

"Bloody Penny!" groaned Lily, who couldn't help feeling guilty. "I'll go and see is she okay?"

Mr. Evans smiled sadly and gripped her hand.

"Thanks, sunshine."

She lightly touched the back of James' neck as she walked past him. James frowned as he watched Lily leaving the room.

"You probably need to get going soon?" said Rose Evans.

James hesitated.

"I don't want to leave on a bad note," he said.

Rose sighed.

"I'll put on the kettle, and you can leave after you've had a cup of tea," she said, getting up.

"She just doesn't want to lose her baby sister," Mr. Evans said after a while, motioning towards the front door. "She's jealous of you all."

James looked down. I wouldn't want to lose her either, he thought to himself.

"Come over here, James," said Mr. Evans suddenly, guiding him into the cramped living room, and pulling out an old photo album.

"That's me, aged 16," he said, pointing to a black and white photograph of a boy in a muggle soldier's uniform.

"You look very innocent," said James, who was studying the static image with great interest.

"I was, very naïve," said Mr. Evans with a short laugh. "lied about my age to join the war against Hitler in 1941. My parents were very cross, I couldn't understand it, my father was in the army too. We were both fighting. My mother was heart-broken."

James squirmed uncomfortably.

"I understand how they must have felt, I get it now, how awful it was for them," Mr. Evans continued. "But I've never regretted it. It was the right decision for me. I had to do something to help, you understand?"

James nodded.

"Your world is at war too, isn't it?" Mr. Evans asked bluntly.

"Yes, Sir, you could call it a war," James said.

"Lily is insisting on going back to school in September, despite the ongoing risks," Mr. Evans said slowly, closing the faded album. "She's of age in your world, James. We are not going to stop her. We're just scared for her."

They were right to be scared.

"You want me to try to persuade her not to come back?" he asked, feeling a catch in his throat.

"No, she may still be my little girl but Lily is her own woman, she's making the same choices I made when I was her age," said Mr. Evans. His eyes looked tired. "She's brave, and she's strong, and she won't hesitate to put herself in danger again. I can't protect her. I just want you to promise me you'll look after her, James, that you'll keep her safe."

He couldn't lie to her father. He didn't break promises.

"Mr. Evans, I will do everything in my power to keep Lily safe, or die trying," he said.

Mr. Evans stared back at the tall, dark haired boy in front of him, this boy who loved his daughter.

"I know you will," he said. "Thank you."

There were tears in his eyes.

….

"You enjoyed watching Grease, didn't you? I can only imagine how excited you'd be to watch a film like Star Wars! You'd love it!" laughed Lily, holding James' hand outside the Stellar Cinema.

It was an old-fashioned Art Deco building from the 1930s, and while it looked run-down, she loved it dearly. It reminded her of happy Saturday afternoon outings with her family, when she was still in primary school, and when her sister still liked her.

"Of course I did, great fun! Why don't we have cinemas and films?" said James eagerly, his head still spinning from watching his first muggle film. "Can we see another one?"

"Now?" Lily said.

She could have spent all day looking at him, at the myriad emotions that passed over his face when watching the screen, laughing at his infectious enthusiasm, placing her hand over his mouth to stop them getting kicked out when he got over-excited and yelled at the protagonists, watching his face as she licked her fingers after eating the popcorn (which had quickly mutated into a fairly heated snogging session, not that she was complaining, far from it).

"Please?" James looked at her pleadingly with his warm hazel eyes. "We can sit near the back again?"

All that mattered was that he was near her, filling his whole mind till there was no room to think about anything else. He wanted to be part of her world, of Muggle England.

Lily's eyes darted to the poster for Jaws 2.

"Yeah, okay, this one's a bit different though," she bit her lip and grinned wickedly.

James was going to freak out, and she was going to have such fun with him…

…..

Master Regulus Black

12 Grimmauld Place

London

Dear Reg,

I hope you're surviving the summer. You've been on my mind a lot. I hope they're treating you well. They haven't made you join Voldemort's crew, have they? Keep out of trouble and you'll no doubt be a prefect next year and ace all your exams (as always). You have a bright future ahead of you to make them proud, you don't need to do anything else. Don't make any rash decisions (I know, coming from me, right?) that you'll regret.

If you ever need any help, owl me or show up at the Potters, and they'll take you in the same way they took me. I trust them with my life, they will protect you. I will protect you. That place is poisonous and I'm only beginning to realise how lethal it is now that I can breathe, now that I know I don't have to go back there, ever again.

Please at least consider the option of moving out? I'm worried about you. I'm sorry for the way things ended between us. I'll understand if you don't want to keep in touch, but don't for one second believe I don't care what happens to you, or that I blame you for what happened. None of it was your fault. You will always mean the world to me. You are still my little brother. I'm sorry it took me so long to get in contact.

Don't owl me back if it's not safe.

Sirius

Sirius read the letter again and shook his head. He crumpled it into a small ball, muttering Incendio. He flicked his wand and a second piece of parchment flew into his hand.

James lifted his head up off the grass and squinted at Sirius' huddled form. The sun was high in the sky and the water in the pool sparkled blindingly in the blistering heat. Having a fountain which could be magically extended during the summer to become a swimming pool (with an arched bridge for diving) was heavenly.

"You alright?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah," said Sirius, not looking up.

"You got burnt yesterday," said James, throwing over a t-shirt.

"I'm trying to work on my tan, mother! You only have to look at the sun to get a colour, you arse!"

"What are you doing?"

"Writing."

"To whom?" James moved the orange fedora to screen his face.

There was a small pause.

"Moony," said Sirius, without thinking.

The first person to pop into his head.

"Really? Again?"

James was sitting up now, looking wide awake.

"Er, yeah. Have a problem with that?" Sirius asked, with an irritable edge.

He should have kept his mouth shut.

"No, course not. It's just, we only wrote to him two days ago, that's all," James replied, squinting at his best friend, as he felt around for his glasses.

"Yeah. Well. He's bored, right? Needs a distraction," Sirius said, refusing to look at James.

"You writing to Wormy too?" James said.

"No, why the f… no, Wormy hates answering letters, it'd be a chore," Sirius said, seemingly distracted by his writing.

"You've been secretly corresponding with Remus since school finished," said James suddenly.

Sirius looked up and gave him a cold glare.

"Stop doing that snobby snooty thing. You have," said James, completely undeterred.

Sirius held his gaze and then ignored him pointedly and returned to his writing.

"You have," James ploughed on. "I've no idea what it's about. But I do know you get this look on your face when you're writing to him, like you have the most exciting news to share with him, or like you're supremely happy about something. I thought you were writing to Mary, you looked a bit…"

"You're an idiot, Prongs," said Sirius, blushing as he averted his eyes once more and turned his back on James.

James was rubbing his hand over his face when he stopped short. Smitten, that was the word. Smitten. His eyes lit up with understanding. Suddenly the intensity and tension between those two throughout 6th Year, as well as Sirius' attempts to confide in him, clicked into place. Merlin, was he an oblivious idiot!

He lay back down.

"Hey Pads," he said after a pause. "I've invited Moony and Wormy over for the weekend."

"Oh," said Sirius, unable to hide his excitement.

"Yeah, thought we needed a boys' night out," said James, placing the fedora over his face again, to hide his delighted smile.

"Hmm, sure," said Sirius, feigning indifference. "James can we-"

"Go looking for leather jackets in London tomorrow?" James supplied helpfully.

"Yeah. That. Wait, how did you know?" said Sirius, eying him suspiciously.

"Oh you know, thought you'd want to look good, in case you want to pull when we hit the town on Saturday," James shrugged casually.

"Yes, precisely," said Sirius, tossing his hair back.

"And I want to check out do they sell any women's leather jackets, like the one Sandy wore at the end of Grease?" said James.

"Oh Merlin, Prongs," said Sirius. "You're besotted."

"Yeah, I am, completely and irrevocably," said James, sitting up again, and smiling to himself.

"I'm pretty sure Evans thinks this hat makes me look extra hot," he declared, sticking it on at a jaunty angle.

"That hat is hideous," said Sirius. "For heaven's sake, bin it before you see her again! You're cute, but you definitely don't get away with wearing it! You, of all people, cannot afford to have hat hair? What possessed you?"

"Nuh-uh," said James stubbornly. "She likes the hat, I'm telling you, she kept putting it on!"

"She kept taking it off you, you mean," said Sirius, getting up. "Hand it over!"

"No way!" said James, making a dash towards the pool.

"I am not going to London with you dressed like that!" roared Sirius, jumping into the pool on top of James, and wrestling the offending item off him.

…..

Dear Reg,

Please keep out of trouble. I'm here if you need to move out. None of it was your fault.

Sirius

Walburga held the parchment gingerly, as though it were cursed.

"Delere!" she said, and the ink vanished.

The veins on her temple stood out against her ivory skin.

"You called, Madame?" Kreacher's face bent down to the floor as he spoke.

"Dispose of this inconvenience," she said without looking up.

He looked at the lifeless body of the Potter owl, and the severed head.

"It was… diseased," her lips barely moved.

She removed a small parchment from the leg of Erebos, one of her elegant household owls.

"And Kreacher," she added as he turned to leave. "No owl deliveries allowed in or out of this house for the remainder of the summer months, unless by my explicit orders. Any slip ups on your part, and you can look forward to your head gracing the wall of the kitchen corridor."

"Yes, Madame."

Beads of sweat appeared on his brow. Kreacher clasped his wiry hands and waited to be dismissed.

She held up her hand and he froze motionless, while she unrolled the paper and read it, her face inscrutable.

Dear Sirius,

I presume you are in good health, as I would have heard were it otherwise. Mamma and Papa are unchanged, and life continues here, if quieter than it used to be. I was relieved to hear you escaped unharmed following that incident at the end of term. I strongly advise you to lie low, if you value your and your friends' safety. I cannot stress this enough. I miss you rather a lot.

Yours Faithfully,

Regulus Arcturus Black

"Send for my husband at once," she said, holding the parchment aloft. "Master Regulus has made a serious mistake. He must be taught a lesson, one he does not forget. This insubordination must not recur."

The only signs giving away her fury were her flaring nostrils and the tremor of her outstretched hand.

Kreacher shivered.

"Yes, Madame," he bowed obsequiously.

...

I hope you're still enjoying this. I presume some people are still reading this here. Could you just let me know if you are? I am happy to post it here and on ao3, but I'll keep it to just ao3 otherwise? You can leave a very brief message by clicking review, even if you are reading as a guest? That would be great, thanks! Obviously if you are reading this, thank you so much, I'm still enjoying writing it, even if due to personal stuff I can't update as fast as I'd like!


	25. Chapter 25: You're The One That I Want

You're The One That I Want

"Moony says he's picking up Lily on his way here tomorrow," said Sirius, looking up from the letter he was reading (re-reading for the sixth time) and yawning widely as he downed his second cup of coffee. The letter from Remus had cheered him up immensely, he had been brooding over the silence following his letter to Reg, as well as worrying where the hell that owl had gotten to.

"He is?" said James, looking flustered.

"Why, is there a problem?" said Sirius, putting down his piece of toast. "Don't tell me, are you afraid she fancies him?"

Sirius looked decidedly put out. James snorted.

"Don't be stupid Pads, just cause you fancy Moony doesn't mean the entire universe does!" he said, rolling his eyes.

Sirius practically chocked on his coffee, coughing and wheezing dramatically until Mrs. Potter whacked his lower back a few times.

"Are you trying to kill me, Prongs?" he spluttered wildly. "You can't just spring something like that on me!"

"Sorry!" said James, looking a bit sheepish. "It sort of slipped out. I was going to talk to you about it before tomorrow…"

"How long have you known?" said Sirius distractedly, putting the buttered toast on his lap.

"Only a couple of days," said James, grinning happily.

"Honestly, James, you are really unobservant sometimes!" laughed Mia Potter. "I've known for months."

"What?" said Sirius, blushing furiously. "Am I that obvious?"

"Yes, darling, you really are," said Mia crisply, ruffling Sirius' hair and chuckling as he attempted to flatten it immediately. "You keep telling me how intelligent Remus is, how witty, how ingenious, how tall, how brave. Well really, I'd have had to be completely clueless not to put two and two together!"

"What's wrong dear? "she added, seeing the frightened look that had abruptly appeared on Sirius' face.

"I just… you know… this," said Sirius lamely, pointing at himself. "It just hit me that you don't seem to, er, mind. You don't seem angry…"

Mia's faced softened and she sighed deeply, before planting a soft kiss on Sirius' forehead.

"Of course not, Sirius. We are not like your parents, and their friends. I don't care who you or James like, as long as they are good to you, respect you, and make you happy."

Sirius nodded and cleared his throat hurriedly.

"Anyhow, Sirius, don't mind James, you'll have a lovely time tomorrow night," said Mrs. Potter, noting Sirius' expression. "You'll look fabulous in your new leather jacket. He'd be lucky to have you!"

Sirius' cheeks turned an even brighter shade of scarlet.

"Mum!" he said. "Please do not say a single thing when Moony is here! Just don't talk to him at all. Or me. Actually, just don't say anything at all? Please?"

"What?" said Mia, looking at him with an innocent gaze. "Surely you don't think I'd embarrass you?"

James laughed outright.

"No comment, mum!" he said. "No, the reason I looked worried, Pads, was because I hadn't invited Lily over this weekend. I wanted to focus on you and… you know… a bit of matchmaking, helping things along?"

He wanted to see Lily more than anything, but Sirius was struggling to deal with his romantic afflictions and damn it, did he ship the two of them!

"Matchmaking?" said Sirius, sounding horrified. "You, Prongs? No thanks!"

"Hang on! I now have a one hundred percent success rate! It just may have taken me a considerable period of time to get there," said James stiffly.

"There, there, James, he has a point," said Mia, patting James on the back in what he felt was a decidedly condescending manner. "But I'm delighted that Remus has invited Lily along. I want to see her again. She's wonderful!"

"Well don't hog her all to yourself when she's here, mind!" said James, attempting to sound grumpy, which was impossible when the prospect of a weekend with Lily loomed tantalisingly close. "I need to invite her over though immediately, or it'll look very rude."

…..

"Oh Merlin, they're here," said Sirius, clutching James' arm, and looking terrified.

James bit his cheeks to stop himself from laughing.

"It's alright, Pads, calm down, you got this, yeah?" he said, giving Sirius' shoulder a tight squeeze and heading for the door.

"Wait!" Sirius hissed, running over to the mirror in the hall and checking his reflection for the umpteenth time.

"You still look the same, fella! Look at you, getting all dolled-up! Who's the lucky skirt? Are you going out to a gin mill to get fried?"*

"There's no skirt!" Sirius glared at the mirror.

It was a magical mirror purchased by Monty in New York during the late nineteen twenties, when he had been promoting Sleekeazy's hair potions in the United States. It spoke with a strong Brooklyn accent and delighted in trying to insult everyone who consulted it, and in finding out as much gossip as possible- Sirius hated it. He fixed his hair one last time and stuck the collar of the leather jacket up again.

"Oh, applesauce!" scoffed the mirror. "Get level with me, and don't pretend you're putting on your glad rags for no reason! I know you, Mr. Limey, and I can tell you're going out to charm some Flapper and drink plenty of giggle water. Sure, don't tell me, that just shows you're afraid of an icy mitt!"**

"Shut it," ordered Sirius, resisting the urge to punch it. "If you must know, it's a guy I want to impress, okay? A very special guy. And I don't want to screw this up!"

"Oh my!" replied the mirror, sounding impressed. "You're looking for a sheik, not a sheba? You know, on second thoughts, you look real Ritzy tonight! I have high hopes for you, in fact, you're lookin' pretty swanky!"***

Sirius stared at the mirror.

"What, even the mirrors in this place aren't homophobic?" he wondered out loud.

"Of course not! What do you take me for?" screamed the mirror, obviously highly offended.

The doorbell rang again.

"Wait, wait!" he said, looking panicky. "I'm going back into the kitchen, can't look too keen!"

He ran inside and sat down at the kitchen table, before getting up suddenly and leaning against the mantlepiece, attempting to look suave and sophisticated.

"You look great, son," said Monty, putting down the newspaper momentarily and smiling at him.

"Oh, thanks," said Sirius, looking at him nervously. "I just hope he likes the jacket, you know, cause it's new and I don't…"

He froze. Shit. Just because Mia didn't seem to mind didn't necessarily mean that Monty was going to be ok with him fancying Remus rotten. His parents would have beaten him senseless if they knew. They had spoken to him on countless occasions about his duty to marry a suitable pureblood witch at a young age. Even thinking about that made him feel sick with fear, made him feel as though he were doing something wrong.

"Oh I'm not totally stupid, Sirius," laughed Monty, taking a sip of his tea. "I guessed you liked Remus even before Mia did. It was the way you spoke about Remus, and pupils having stupid crushes on teachers, while looking mortally offended and jealous. Bit of an instant giveaway."

"Right," said Sirius hoarsely.

"I like him. Your Remus. I like him a lot. Always have. I thoroughly approve, you have good taste!" said Monty. "I hope he feels the same way about you, you deserve to be happy, both of you."

Sirius' chest swelled with happiness and gratitude and before he knew it he was hugging Mr. Potter tightly.

"Thank you," he muttered.

Mr. Potter hugged him back.

"Good luck, eh?" he said, winking at him. "Now, I think if you're aiming for cool, hugging your dad isn't going to cut it!"

They heard James opening the front door and ushering the others into the kitchen.

"Good evening, Mr. Potter," Remus said with a warm smile as he shook Monty's hand firmly.

"Ah, Remus, lovely to see you again! I do love a man with a good handshake, you can tell a lot about somebody from the way they shake your hand! You're looking very well, Remus," said Monty, nodding at Remus approvingly before looking at Sirius and smiling affably.

Remus' eyebrows raised as he felt himself colouring slightly.

"Sirius," he said shortly, before looking away feeling flustered.

He felt his heart beating faster as he took in Sirius' silky hair and tight jeans, which he had been expecting (and had steeled himself against), and his beautiful face (which he had missed so much). But the black leather jacket? How was he supposed to just stand there and talk to Sirius like a normal human being when he looked like that? And Sirius, as far as he knew, was supposedly really interested in Mary, so this infatuation of his really had to be contained. By completely ignoring Sirius. Act like he wasn't there.

"Remus," Sirius stuttered, his grey eyes flashing with annoyance.

What the hell was that about? He wracked his brains to think had he offended Remus recently, maybe by accident, in one of his letters? He didn't think so. In fact, the tone of Remus' letters had been exceptionally wonderful. Sassy, which he adored, and which made him laugh every time he re-read the letters. But also playful and teasing in a - there was no other word for it – flirtatious manner. Which had surprised him and made him hopeful that maybe he wasn't imagining the lust-filled glances that he sometimes caught Remus sending his way. And now he had barely greeted him and chosen to talk to everyone else aside from him?

"Mum and dad were so pleased to see Peter and Remus, so they could thank them properly for helping us that day in the forest," said Lily, smiling at James.

"James?" she repeated, elbowing him lightly.

James had been staring at her adoringly, taking in her gladiator sandals, his eyes following the straps that wound their way up her legs and disappeared underneath her Kelly-green sundress.

"What? Sorry, I got rather distracted by how gorgeous you look," said James, smiling widely as though nobody but Lily were in the room.

"Oh!" Lily blushed furiously as Mr. and Mrs. Potter beamed at her.

"Yeah, Moony, don't forget Pads!" piped in James, smiling at Remus. "He was brilliant too, wasn't he?"

"Er, quite," agreed Remus, coughing quietly and pulling on his shirt sleeves.

"Quite?" muttered Sirius darkly.

"Extremely brave," agreed James, frowning slightly as he noted the strained atmosphere. "Eh, we may as well go, shall we?"

"Yes Sirius, you were wonderful," said Lily, grabbing hold of Sirius' arm and linking him. "And might I add, you look positively dashing in that muggle leather jacket, it really suits you down to the ground. Is it new?"

"It is," said Sirius, delighted that someone had noticed it. "I got it in London, in a shop that sells motorbikes. It's called a biker jacket."

"I see," said Lily smiling quietly to herself (she didn't want to embarrass Sirius). "I didn't know you liked motorbikes?"

"Like them?" said Sirius. "Like them? Do you think that like is an adequate term to describe the beauty of a machine like the Moto Guzzi 850 Le Mans or the Laverda 750GT? And as for the Triumph Bonneville, short of calling it dangerously attractive..."

His voice trailed off as his face took on a look of pure rapture.

"It's a motorbike," said Remus, shoving his hands in his pocket and walking moodily on ahead.

"What the fuck is up with him?" hissed Sirius, anxiously turning to Peter. "I swear I haven't done anything stupid to offend him!"

"Nothing stupid?" snorted Peter. "Definitely a lie! But specifically, to offend him? No idea, mate!"

"Hmm, I think I know," said Lily, a lofty grin on her face. "Let me find out!"

She ran to catch up with Remus who was still walking with his hands in his pockets and a slightly hunched back.

"Hi Remus, everything okay?" she said smiling and linking his arm.

"Hi," Remus said, catching her eye and looking down immediately.

"What's up with you and Sirius?" Lily asked.

"What?" said Remus, eyes widening. "Nothing! He's just… the way he just stands there looking… he annoys me sometimes."

He paused and sighed.

"Yeah, stands there looking all fabulous and leathery, and then expects you to act all normal and cool? I mean, ugh!" said Lily, rolling her eyes.

"Exactly!" said Remus, nodding his head emphatically. "Look at me, I've grown again since the start of the summer, my jeans are too short, and frankly hideous. And this shirt could be reclassified as a belly top, but it's the best of a bad lot. And he's just effortlessly gorgeous and…"

"I know!" said Lily fervently. "It's so annoying! And he thinks you're annoyed with him now, or hate him, instead of fancying him, it's so unfair!"

"Tell me about it… wait, what?" said Remus, looking more horrified than when Lily had told him she knew about his lycanthropy. "You know?"

"Yep!" said Lily serenely. "I know. Have done, for ages."

"Shit!" said Remus, looking dismayed. "Don't tell me he knows too?"

"No, he doesn't," said Lily. "Although, if you ask me, I don't think he'd be too upset if he found out. In fact, I'm willing to bet a small fortune he'd be rather pleased!"

"Oh fuck!" said Remus, covering his face with his hands and groaning. "Please, please, don't tell him, Lily. Please don't. It would ruin everything!"

"I'm not going to tell him, Remus!" said Lily, pulling him by the arm. "But I do think we should fix your outfit, just a tad?"

….

Despite it being after ten o'clock, it was not yet fully dark, patches of pale light caught in the midsummer skyline. Regulus could see his father's face in the dim twilight, twisted and cold. His back was burning, and he felt like screaming and begging his father to stop. But to navigate the terrifying experience of being part of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, Regulus had built himself a map. A mathematical equation. Action, consequence, reaction. And he knew for certainty that if he displayed any weakness in front of his father, it would make the situation worse. Much worse.

"You deserve this," Orion said calmly.

"Yes, Sir. I do."

The lack of vocal inflection made it difficult to detect any emotion in his voice and Orion nodded approvingly.

"Good. You are not wholly a lost cause, like your traitorous brother," he said, his hand still poised on his mahogany wand, the spell unbroken.

"You will remember this, and you will never contact that traitor again. You will have nothing to do with him from now on," he continued.

Regulus nodded, willing himself not to cry.

"If I find out you have defied me, I will arrange to have him killed. He cannot be allowed to corrupt your innocent mind with his lies. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Sir."

His voice was too low, too unsure, it was a mistake.

"Is that clear?" Orion stared at him.

"Yes, Sir. Perfectly clear."

His reply was stronger, but he was unable to keep the tremor from his voice.

"Why are both my sons such a disappointment? Why can't you be more like your cousin Bellatrix?" Orion sighed to himself.

He crossed the room and poured himself a large glass of his favourite Firewhisky, wand still pointed at Regulus' back.

"There will be no further lapses in judgement, Regulus," he said, finishing the drink in one go.

"An audience has been arranged with the Dark Lord, with your cousin's kind assistance. His opinion of our family is highly favourable, you shall not need the usual period of preparation to see if you are worthy to join his ranks. You shall receive the Dark Mark before the summer is out. Your mother and I have no need to prove ourselves. You, on the other hand, have the chance to reap the benefits that await his most loyal followers when this war is over."

He crossed the room and stood in front of his younger son, a threatening presence. Truth be told, he had always preferred Sirius. Sirius was better looking, more confident, more assertive, taller, stronger, unafraid. He thought he could eventually control him, tame the waywardness, the disobedience, out of him. His wife had disagreed, she always preferred Regulus. The bitterness that had engulfed him when he realised that his eldest son and heir was lost to him had been acute. He detested Sirius now. The alcohol helped dull the anger. Regulus would have to do.

"Any questions?"

"What if I don't agree to join his side?"

Regulus' voice was barely a whisper. Orion looked at him. Threats against him? A better idea…

"Ah, glad you asked!" Orion said with a large smile, his wand now pointed at Regulus' neck. "You see, that is not an option. If you refuse, your mother and I will be tortured and killed. Then that traitor you tried to contact. Would you like to be responsible for wiping out your entire family?"

Regulus shook his head, unable to speak.

"Good. Any other questions?"

Met with silence, he lowered his wand and smiled at Regulus once more.

"Well done," he said, patting his son firmly on the back.

Regulus swayed and bit his tongue to stop himself from screaming in agony.

"Nearly done," Orion continued, ignoring him. "If you could just hold out your right hand?"

…..

"That was the best Guinness I've ever had," said James, sighing contentedly as they strolled outside in the cool night air.

"Mc Carthy's is a fantastic pub! One of the best you'll get this side of the Irish Sea," said Lily, reaching out to touch his fingers. "I hope I get to bring you all over to Ireland someday, so you can see what a real pint tastes like!"

James drew her closer and planted a kiss on her forehead. He hadn't left her side all evening.

"I hope so too," he said.

"Where to now?" asked Peter, who was feeling a little tipsy and in great form. "It's too early to leave."

"Let's go in here!" said Sirius, peering over the iron railings surrounding a private square with a fountain. They were in the middle of an affluent area of muggle London, and there was no one around. "It looks beautiful, and we can bring our supplies and drink in peace? And perhaps hit a nightclub later?"

Remus nodded and wordlessly opened the locked gate, holding it open for the others as they all walked through, Sirius catching his eye. He couldn't help noticing that Sirius had been blatantly staring at him since Lily had made some changes to his outfit earlier on that evening. Was it that bad? Or did he really like it? He cursed silently.

"Under the oak trees near the fountain! We'll cast a disillusionment charm," said James, leading them over and transfiguring his jacket into a large picnic blanket for them all.

"Anyone bring any food?" asked Peter, wistfully examining the contents of the tote bag.

"I brought a slab of chocolate?" said Remus, taking out the dark chocolate bar.

"And I brought Champagne," said Sirius, proudly removing a couple of bottles from the bag.

"Is that all the grub?" said Peter.

"Afraid so, Wormy," said Sirius, patting his back. "On vivra d'amour et de Moët & Chandon!" ****

"Oh for fuck's sake," muttered Remus, clenching his jaw and dropping his face into his hands.

Really? First the leather jacket and now this? He was so dead…

James caught Sirius' hurt look and shrugged his shoulders helplessly.

"So, how's Mary?" asked Peter, who seemed blissfully unaware of the tension. "How are things… progressing?"

He shoved Sirius playfully as he took a swig of champagne and passed the bottle to Remus.

Sirius looked at James, who nodded back encouragingly. This was it.

"Eh, they aren't," said Sirius, after a short pause. "That is, we aren't… we broke up. Before school finished."

"What?" said Peter. "I thought you were in love with her? How come you didn't tell us?"

Sirius froze. Now that it came to it, he couldn't form the words in his throat to speak.

"I'm very sorry Sirius, I didn't realise."

Remus' voice was so filled with concern and warmth, his eyes so empathic. When he leaned over and ran his hand down Sirius' arm, Sirius melted. Remus hardly ever touched him. He had to look away to stop himself leaning over and kissing him on the spot. And even though it now seemed highly unlikely that Remus was in any way interested in him, other than as a wonderful friend, he found himself speaking again.

"The fact is, that I…" said Sirius, struggling to continue. "I'm in love with someone else, and it wasn't fair to Mary."

"Ha! Cringe!" laughed Peter. "That'll be awkward in September, won't it?"

"Mary isn't coming back to Hogwarts," said Lily quietly.

"What?" said Sirius, as they all turned to her looking concerned. "Why ever not?"

"It's her parents, they're moving their business to the United States, things are going really well for them financially, and they wanted her to go with them. They're talking of sending her to a finishing school in Switzerland for a year and then she'll join them in Boston."

"But Hogwarts, her friends, her NEWTs?" said Sirius. "She can't just throw it all away!"

"She doesn't want to come back," explained Lily, sighing. "She was pretty shook after the whole incident with Mulciber in 5th Year. She had been thinking about giving up magic, and working in New York was very appealing. What happened last term was the last straw, she just…"

Lily stopped talking and played with the hem of her dress.

"She's scared, and with good reason," guessed Remus. "She's a target, like all the muggleborns, and more so now that we have come to Voldemort's attention."

Lily nodded and sighed again, taking a generous gulp before passing the bottle to James.

"Yeah, she doesn't want to come back," she repeated. "She told me yesterday. She wants out."

"I'm so sorry Lily," said James, reaching over to cover her hand with his. "Your best friend. That's going to be tough, you'll miss her."

Lily nodded and squeezed his hand gratefully.

"I bet it was going out with Sirius that did it – that was the straw that broke the camel's back!" said James, winking at Sirius, trying to inject a bit of cheer into the sour mood that had settled on the group.

"Oi, you wanker!" Sirius launched himself at James and tackled him to the ground, as James laughed and rolled him off.

Peter snorted loudly. He adored a good bit of gossip.

"Seriously though, who is this mystery girl who you're pining for? She must be a real stunner! Mary is very good-looking," he said.

Sirius sat up again, brushed a few leaves from his top and looked at James, steadying himself.

"It's, that is… technically.. it's a him. A boy. The person I'm mad about. He's completely clueless and I doubt he feels the same as me, but there you go," said Sirius.

Surely Remus must have seen the desperate longing in his eyes whenever he looked at him? He looked up now and caught Remus' eye in that instant. His grey eyes lit up and Remus caught his breath.

"He's in our class," ventured Sirius, throwing all caution to the wind and addressing Remus directly. "A good friend of mine, in fact. I've liked him for ages. I've been too much of a coward to do anything about it. I've let him down badly in the past, and I'm not even sure if he's ever fully forgiven me for that. Not that I blame him. I don't know if I stand a chance, or whether I should give up and leave things be as they are?"

James and Lily turned to look at Remus, who swallowed anxiously, and bent his head to stare at his shoes. Was he imagining this? There was just no way that Sirius would be interested in him, and even if by some miracle he was, it would surely be a horrendously bad idea? He was decidedly in love with Sirius, but what if Sirius got bored with him? He was very easily bored… it couldn't be true.

"Ha ha! Yeah, right! Sirius Black, a faggot? Sirius, the notorious ladies' man, a fudge-packer?" Peter burst out laughing and gave Sirius a sharp dig in the side. "If you think I'd believe you're one of those weirdos… that's a hoot!"

Peter hiccupped and looked around to share the laugh and was met by a furious looking James and horrified Lily. Remus, who had said nothing up until that point, raised his head. He watched as Sirius bit his lip, clearly wishing the ground would swallow him. Remus fixed Peter with a cold stare, poised between action and avoidance. Maybe he was making the biggest mistake of his life. Maybe he would end up discarded by Sirius. He would have to deal with it, despite the heartbreak, same way he had dealt with all the past shit life had thrown at him. But if there was one thing he couldn't stand, couldn't literally bear, it was seeing Sirius being humiliated. Fuck that.

His heart pounding jaggedly, he stood up and pointed at Sirius.

"Get up!"

Sirius stared at him and stood up nervously.

"Sirius Orion Potter, you are fucking gorgeous and I fancy the pants off you, have done for ages," he said slowly and steadily, his clenched fists the only sign giving away how difficult this was for him.

Sirius made a garbled sound as his eyes widened, his mouth now open in shock.

"Eh, Pads, you're talking to Moony here, remember? A slightly more coherent reply might be required?" laughed James, unable to contain his euphoria.

"Right. Of course. May I?" said Sirius, stumbling over his words. He reached out to take Remus' hand and pulled him over, heading towards the far end of the little park.

Peter looked on in astonishment, his slightly intoxicated brain trying to make sense out of what had just happened, cogs slowly turning.

He was in deep shit with all his friends, unless he could…

"What the fuck did you call him?" James growled, leaning towards Peter menacingly.

"Well, that was a success, wouldn't you say?" Peter said simultaneously.

James stopped short.

"What?"

"A success. It worked. It was a bit rude, er, very rude, but I knew it would work. Honestly, it was obvious the only way that Remus was going to respond positively was by someone insulting Sirius? And I was right?" Peter said, beaming at James and Lily very convincingly.

"Fucking rude though," scowled James, looking confused.

"Rude, but necessary," said Peter, glancing behind him. "Look at them now."

"Yeah, I'll grant you that, it seems to have worked," said James. "Bloody hell, Wormy, you had me very worried there!"

"You didn't really think I was a homophobic weirdo, did you?" said Peter, looking highly offended.

"I did. Shit," James said, feeling horribly guilty. "I should have guessed you'd never do something like that. You had me fooled. I'm terribly sorry, Wormy."

"I'm sorry too, Peter," said Lily, squeezing James' hand supportively. "I really believed you meant it. I keep forgetting what a great actor you are!"

Peter looked pleased and passed the champagne bottle to James.

"It's okay, no hard feelings!" he smiled. "I may have accidentally gone a bit overboard in what I said. The main thing is, it looks like we will shortly have another happy couple in our midst. Now I just need you lot to focus on me for a change and get my non-existent love life sorted out!"

…..

"Did you really mean it, that you like me?" said Sirius hesitantly.

He was still holding Remus' hand and it seemed foolish to let go of it for some reason.

"Of course I like you," scoffed Remus. "Are you blind? Have you ever seen yourself?"

A slow, wicked smile spread across Sirius' face and he flicked his hair back.

"Oh Merlin, I shouldn't have said that! Stop flirting!" scolded Remus, in what he hoped was a convincingly cross voice.

Sirius winked back at him playfully and Remus' resolve snapped. He lifted his free hand and ran it through Sirius' hair.

"Gods, I've wanted to do that for so long!" he sighed, unable to keep up the pretence any longer. "I can't believe this is happening."

"Neither can I," whispered Sirius, kissing his other hand tenderly. "I don't deserve you."

Remus laughed, and shook his head in disbelief.

"This is definitely a dream," he muttered, leaning into Sirius, and pushing him up against the railings.

"A bloody great dream," said Sirius, pulling him into a heated kiss.

When they broke apart eventually, Sirius looked at Remus with a dazed expression.

"Prefects don't kiss like this!" he said breathlessly, holding onto Remus' shirt as though afraid his knees would buckle.

"Oh yes they fucking do," replied Remus, his green irises barely visible, as he drew Sirius closer to him and kissed him again.

"If you ever wear that leather jacket and speak in a foreign language to me again, I swear I won't be responsible for my actions," said Remus eventually, running his thumb against Sirius' cheekbone as they stood tangled together hidden from sight, the stars twinkling brightly above them.

Sirius beamed at him.

"I'll do that every day if it makes you happy," he said.

Remus groaned. His new boyfriend was going to drive him mad. He could tell his last year in Hogwarts was going to be anything but dull, and Sirius was going to make it impossible for him to study. He could see himself caught between desire and irritation. A delighted grin spread across his face.

"Hang on a minute, while we're on the subject of turn-ons," said Sirius. "I was too scared to say anything to you earlier, and I thought you hated the leather jacket, so I took it off. Thought you might prefer a more bookish version of me. I bloody well transfigured Peter's bag into a swotty cardigan, like the ones you tend to wear!"

"Bastard!" Remus laughed and swatted him playfully. "I was wondering what the hell had happened!"

"Hang on!" said Sirius, pressing his index finger to Remus' lips. "But then you have the gall, the cheek, to saunter into Mc Carthy's after your mysterious chat with Lily, wearing these fucking tight black leather trousers? And that black tight shirt? Moony in tight leather trousers? I swear to Merlin, I thought I was going to fall apart on the spot!"

He took hold of one of the belt loops and pulled Remus closer once more.

"It was worth it, I swear I'll dress like a nerd every day if I get to see you in these trousers again!" he whispered.

"You're incorrigible, Pads," said Remus, rolling his eyes affectionately, but unable to stop smiling. "I think I'd find you attractive even if you wore Slughorn's waistcoats!"

"Incorrigible? Merlin, you're so fucking sexy when you talk eloquently to me," gushed Sirius. "I adore you. You and your bloody cardigans. Look at you - you're the most beautiful student in the entire school. In the entire country. What else am I?"

Remus burst out laughing and kissed his nose. When he was near Sirius he felt more alive, the world was more colourful, like Sirius was the brightest star, which he was.

"You're blind for starters! And you're an idiot - an alluring, bewitching, captivating idiot!" he murmured in a low voice.

"Too late, Moony - I'm your alluring idiot now, and you're stuck with me!" said Sirius softly, tracing his fingers along Remus' collarbone.

"As long as you want me, I'll be here," said Remus.

The intensity of his gaze filled Sirius with desire and joy.

"Then prepare yourself to be stuck with me for a very long time," said Sirius, kissing him again.

Note: 1920s NY slang, roughly -

*"Why are you all dressed up? Who's the lucky girl? Are you going out to a bar to get drunk?"

** "Oh, rubbish!" scoffed the mirror. "tell the truth, I know you, English guy, I can tell you want to charm some hot girl and drink lots of alcohol. If you don't tell me, that proves you're afraid she's going to reject you!"

*** Sheba – "A woman with sex appeal (from the movie Queen of Sheba)"and Sheik – "A man with sex appeal (from the Valentino movies)"

**** An ad campaign for Moët & Chandon champagne – "We'll live on love and Moët & Chandon".

 **That chapter was probably a bit long... I got carried away with Wolfstar! Let me know if too long so I can curb my enthusiasm in future! Thank you so much for leaving comments!**


	26. Chapter 26: Thunder

Summary:

Summer, love, looming storms...

 **Notes:**

 **That was all very fluffy, but 7th Year is going to be one hell of a year and I wanted to give them some happy memories! Hope it wasn't too boring! And apologies for the ridiculous length once again, lol! I got carried away, as usual…**

Note: If anyone is interested in listening to the songs in this chapter, I've included the links here:

(1) WILD ROVER No, Nay, Never IRISH SONG - YouTube

(2) The Dubliners & The Pogues - The Irish Rover [Audio Stream] - YouTube

(3) "Pack Up Your Troubles In Your Old Kit Bag (And Smile ... - YouTube

(4) Nina Simone: Lilac Wine - YouTube

(5) The Kinks- Dedicated Follower Of Fashion - YouTube

(6) The Kinks - You Really Got Me (Official Audio) - YouTube

 **Thunder**

"Is there no end to your brilliance?" James said, threading his fingers through her vivid, sunset hair, his chin resting on her head.

They were lying together on the warm grass in the Potter's walled garden, the only sound the playful fountain and the bees buzzing sleepily over fragranced lavender and honeysuckle and white jasmine (not that they had noticed, heady with the arousing scent of coconut and vetiver).

"In what way?" Lily asked, snuggling her face closer to his chest. She wanted to stay there forever, he felt so warm and strong, she could feel the steady beat of his heart. She breathed in vetiver and wood fire and thought nothing could ever go wrong.

"You, chatting to Remus last night. I could have begged him to wear those leather pants all day and he'd have refused point blank! Even if I offered to pay him! But you somehow got him to do it and to see that his crush wasn't one sided."

He sounded in awe of her, and Lily laughed into his t-shirt. James was certain he would never tire of hearing that laugh – so spontaneous, joyful, with a hint of mischief and teasing, and tenderness. She only laughed like that with him.

"It was easy," she said, her eyes still closed, her fingers tracing patterns on his chest and down his arms.

"You're a genius!" his low voice murmured in her ear, and she could feel that he was smiling. "I've never seen them looking happier. And you helped make this happen, caused all this happiness…"

She smiled, lifting her head up to look at him then and caught the intensity of his gaze. She could feel his heart beating faster against her own, synchronising.

"Lily," he said, his hands gently lifting her with ease, so her face was closer to his.

"James," she said, lifting herself up onto her hands, and bending down to kiss him.

It was an overwhelming feeling, kissing James Potter on the grass. Something sparked when their lips met, the kiss deepened, and she wanted him to know how much she loved him and how much she wanted him, and she was sure he loved her and wanted her just as much.

"James," she said softly, breathlessly, gripping his hair, touching his lips again – softly, barely, feeling too much.

"Lily," he said, more urgently this time, kissing her passionately, his warm hands moving down her back, pressing her closer to him.

Lightening flashed across the darkening sky and seconds later answering thunder rolled ominously close. Large drops of rain fell onto the grass and leaves, and onto Lily's back, as she continued kissing James. The rain turned heavy, torrential, the sound loud and rhythmic against the roof of the outhouse.

"Come with me, to the coast?" James said, still kissing her.

"Are you joking? Where?" she laughed, her long hair dripping onto his face.

"To the South Downs, it's not far, we can apparate!" he said with his infectious grin. "The Seven Sisters Cliffs and the beach beside the lighthouse. I want to swim in the sea with you."

"We're in the middle of a thunderstorm, Potter!" she objected half-heartedly, kissing his neck.

"What's life without a little risk?" he replied, his smile broadening as he kissed her back hungrily.

…..

The waves crashed against the shore, white horses echoing the colour of the iconic cliff face towering above. Sheets of rain fell into the sea, the landscape a leaky watercolour where grey sky and sea merged. Surrounded by the foam and surge of currents, thunder and lightning playing in the background on a gigantic cinema screen. She had never felt so alive, shivering violently, laughing and coughing and ducking her head back underwater to toss her long hair behind her.

"You're beautiful," he called out above the din, swimming towards her.

His hazel eyes were glowing, and his t-shirt stuck to his chest, and his hair more chaotic than she had thought possible. And his smile, so warm and fond and radiating happiness. She swam towards him laughing, and he thought she might have been a mermaid, with dark auburn waves following her, impossible green liquid eyes, a small smattering of freckles on her cheekbones after the hot summer, her yellow sundress clinging to her. Her face emerged from underneath the waves right in front of him, and she placed her two hands on his broad shoulders, savouring the heat from his body, staring into his eyes, steadily and unwavering.

"What?" he said quietly.

She traced the drops of rain on his cheek.

"Your eyelashes are impossibly long," she said, wetting her lips.

"Oh. You…" he replied, somewhat incoherently, trying to keep his eyes from looking at the sundress, the straps of which had slipped down.

He watched as her eyes focused on his salt-water swollen lips.

"James Fleamont Potter," she said. "I love you."

She shivered against him and he thought he might burst with it all, her pale skin and her coral lips, the sea and sky an artichoke grey and her eyes almost teal in this light, like seeing colours for the first time. And the look on her face as she rose out of the water.

"I love you, Lily Evans," he said, never as sure of anything in his life, bending down to kiss her.

The air was heavy. He could taste the salt on her lips and skin and he held her tight, refusing to let the waves part them, the electrical storm forgotten.

…

"There you are, Dear!" said Euphemia Potter, smiling as she took in James and Lily's sodden clothes and chattering teeth.

She muttered a few heating charms and they smiled back gratefully, so taken with each other that the idea of using magic had quite escaped them.

"Yes James, be a deer, and open your post!" said Sirius smirking at him from where he lay lounging on the sofa, his head resting on Remus' lap and legs draped over the armrest.

Remus snorted without looking up from his book.

"Oh deer, is Sirius being annoying again? He's like a dog with a bone sometimes," he said drily, lifting his eyes for a second to glance at his boyfriend.

"Yes," said Mia looking momentarily confused. "You've had an owl from Albus Dumbledore and I'd like to know what it's about."

"What?" said James looking immediately guilty. "I haven't done anything. Well, not that I can remember anyway!"

Sirius snorted loudly.

"I wouldn't count on it, Mum!" he said, looking sceptically at Mrs. Potter. "If it wasn't for my good example and restraining influence, he'd be getting those on a weekly basis!"

Lily burst out laughing and shook her head at Sirius.

"Oh yes, Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes, I couldn't agree more!"

"Don't mind him, James," said Peter grinning. "We won't rat on you to your parents, don't worry!"

This time both Sirius and Remus snorted loudly. Mia's eyes swept the room and she pursed her lips together.

"Well it's not like I've been a complete angel since I started in Hogwarts, is it?" said James, smiling innocently at his mother. "Yet you still love me!"

"As long as it's not a howler," replied Mia, calmly pushing a reluctant James through to the Library and closing the door behind them.

"And as long as it's not some bad news concerning that Voldemort fellow," she added more quietly, looking at her son with a worried frown.

…

"You alright?" Lily asked, walking over to him as soon as she saw James' face.

He sat on the edge of the fountain, playing with the jet of cool water that splashed from the lion cub's mouth. Sirius had spotted him as well and jogged over immediately, followed by Remus and Peter.

"Well, go on then, what is it?" he asked briskly. "I'll send that idiot Dumbles a howler myself if he's being a dickhead, after everything that happened to you last year! He should be fucking apologising to you and your family for not doing enough to keep you safe, the old fart!"

James laughed and ran his fingers through his hair self-consciously.

"Nothing too bad, and some great news too. Firstly, Evans, you're Head Girl!" he said, looking at her proudly.

"Ha! Knew it!" said Sirius triumphantly, high-fiving Lily and smiling at her in delight. "Didn't you tell me only last week you thought Lily'd make a great Head Girl?"

"Yeah, I did," said James, grinning at Lily and pulling her into a tight hug that deteriorated into twirling her round and round as she screamed.

"Put me down, Potter!" she yelled, pummelling his back and laughing giddily.

"Of course, Evans," said James eventually setting her down lightly. "Must obey orders from the new Head Girl!"

Lily rolled her eyes and laughed again.

"You better believe it, Potter!"

"Oh, I think he'd quite enjoy being bossed around by you!" said Sirius, wagging his eyebrows suggestively at them.

"Don't worry, I'll be bossing all you lot around too, Sirius!" she winked cheerfully as Sirius' face fell.

"Brilliant news, Lily!" said Remus and Peter enthusiastically.

Peter was delighted with the news. It wouldn't hurt to be friends with one of the pupils who would wield the most power in the school, and the most influence with the teachers. And if they managed to get a few favours and special concessions from Lily, even better. He certainly hoped so.

"Cheers!" said Lily, pleased to see how supportive the boys were.

"I think this calls for a celebration, old thing!" said Sirius, who had regained his enthusiasm. "I say we plan a midnight feast beside a campfire by the sea, with plenty of booze and tents and whatnot?"

Lily's face fell.

"I'm meant to be going home today," said Lily, eyeing the boys regretfully.

"Bollox!" said Sirius loudly, confidently squeezing her shoulder. "I'll have a word with mum and if she can't persuade your parents to let you stay an extra day, I'll eat my hat."

"Or rather, James' orange monstrosity, to be precise," said Remus.

Lily burst out laughing despite herself as she caught James' scandalised look from the corner of her eye.

"You love that hat!" he insisted, crossing his arms in a huff.

"You're beautiful, with or without that hat," she smiled cheekily, reaching up on her tiptoes to kiss him.

"You're laughing at me," he said, pretending to be cross.

"Yes, I am! Head Girls are allowed laugh at their silly boyfriends," she answered, as he kissed her back.

"Ugh! Get a room!" said Sirius, slipping his arm around Remus' waist, unable to keep himself from touching his new boyfriend at every available opportunity.

"Cauldron, kettle, Black," Peter snorted at him, earning himself a laugh.B

"What was the other piece of news, Prongs?" asked Remus, who was looking radiant as he slipped his hand into Sirius' back pocket and leaned into him.

"Oh yeah, that," James laughed apologetically, finally looking Sirius in the eyes. "I think it's a mistake but…"

He reached into his pocket and handed Sirius a scrunched-up parchment.

"What the hell?" said Sirius, sounding horrified. "You're Head Boy?"

James' cheeks burned red and he shook his head, as Remus took the letter from Sirius.

"I told you, I'm sure it's a mistake," he said.

"It's not a mistake James, read it again," said Remus kindly. "Dumbledore specifically explains why he picked you, despite reservations from some teachers. And he says Minnie wholeheartedly approved."

"He shouldn't have picked me, he had plenty of other choices," James said.

"Like who, exactly?" replied Remus, raising his brows. "The Slytherin prefects are probable Death-Eaters-in-the-making, the Ravenclaw prefects are female, so that's them all ruled out. The male Hufflepuff prefect is charming but he's way too socially anxious to manage that role. I have my furry little problem, so I was never in contention…"

"You should have been!" Sirius, Peter, James and Lily exclaimed simultaneously.

"Don't be dense!" said Remus angrily.

"Correct, old chap," said Sirius, changing tack. "You're far too dangerous to take on the role of Head Boy. Good Godric, imagine the utter chaos that could ensue if your criminal level of prank-mastery got out of hand without anyone keeping tabs on you? You'd soon take over the entire school, and sack Dumbledore before he was even dimly aware of the threat!"

"Prank-mastery?" said Remus, trying to hold back a laugh.

"Prank-fucking-mastery," said Sirius, looking at Remus adoringly

"I can't even," began Remus, rolling his eyes with amusement at Sirius' passionate ramblings.

"I can!" said Sirius, arching his brow. "I'm inclined to agree with Dumbledore, for once, bloody good show! You'll make a great Head Boy, Prongs!"

"Steady on!" laughed James ruefully.

He definitely didn't deserve it, for one. Nobody could argue that. And there was a large part of him that wanted to rebel, to enjoy his last chance at pranks and dares, before real life kicked in. To let rip at some bastard if they deserved it. Not to have to set an example for the whole school, and restrain himself.

And then it hit him. Lily. She was going to be a target. Plenty of families would be horrified that a muggleborn had been given that prestigious role, someone who was known for having successfully fought off Death-Eaters (even if the exact nature of that encounter remained a mystery). It was less than a decade since muggleborns had been forced to sit in segregated carriages on the Hogwarts Express. If he was Head Boy, he would spend more time with her, try to keep her safe.

"Shut up, Potter," said Lily fiercely. She pulled him towards her for a heated kiss, taking him completely by surprise. When James pulled back for breath, he could hardly speak.

"Merlin, Lily!" was all he managed, as the other three laughed at him uproariously.

"James, you're going to be an excellent Head Boy. You're brave and honest, most people trust and respect you, they already know you're a great leader. And you are so optimistic and positive, that's exactly what Hogwarts needs right now! And I can't think of anyone I'd prefer to work with as Head Girl," Lily said.

She looked like she was daring anyone to contradict her.

"Yeah," said James, winking at her. "I'm going to enjoy working with you too!"

"Speaking of which, I need your help in practising some Celebratory Snogging," she said lightly. "Never too early to start Head Boy duties, Potter."

"Absolutely. Thoroughly agree," James said, looking dazed, as he placed his arms around her waist. "I suspect I could do with some practice."

"I suspect you could," said Lily, wrapping her arms around his neck. "And I like to be very thorough when I'm practicing."

"Merlin's pants!" said Peter, mildly horrified. "I think this is our cue to leave!"

"Wormy, I've got a funny feeling you're going to be saying that a lot this year!" laughed Sirius, his eyes straying to catch the sly grin on Remus' face.

…

 _"And it's no, nay, never,_

 _No, nay, never, no more,_

 _Will I play the wild rover_

 _No, never no more"(1)_

As the five voices finished singing hoarsely, there were whistles of encouragement for Peter who finished off his strumming with a flourish and a bow.

"Bravo, old chap!" shouted Sirius, waving his bottle of firewhisky in Peter's direction. "Hey, Evans, we need more suitable Irish folksongs, to mourn the passing of Prongs the Marauder!"

They were sitting around the large campfire, faces reflecting the warm orange glow. Remus and Lily sat leaning against each other, occasionally stoking the fire. James sat between Sirius and Peter, his arms around both their shoulders and a bottle of muggle beer in his left hand, looking directly out to sea.

"I'm not fucking…" James waved his arm vaguely in Sirius' direction. "Alright?"

"That's horse manure, Prongs!" said Sirius, frowning slightly. "You're damned well…"

He motioned with his hand, up and down, in front of James and shook his head sadly.

"That doesn't…" said James, a look of concentration on his face, flinging out his right arm as though emphasising a point. "Oops, sorry Wormy!"

Peter gave him a dig with his guitar.

"It does though, old thing, it does!" said Sirius, nodding sagely. "More music, Evans, the wake must go on!"

"Are they always…?" she asked Remus, smiling at two black haired boys.

"Always," he said, smiling at them fondly. "Fucking inseparable, and I dunno, they must be blood brothers."

"They are now," said Lily, smiling at Remus. "Although I think Sirius is quite inseparable from you, actually!"

Remus laughed, as though brushing it off, but Lily could see the joy lighting up his features, she couldn't recall ever seeing him look so handsome, and whole. James was right.

"Evans!" Sirius called again. "More trad songs, Evans! Are you a real Marauder or not, eh?"

"I thought I had been kicked out of the gang for the same reason as Potter?" she called back.

"Forgot!" said Sirius morosely, clinking his bottle with Peter's.

"My commiserations!" said Peter, hiccupping loudly.

"Alright so, The Irish Rover?" said Lily, as Peter nodded.

 _"We had sailed seven years when the measles broke out_

 _And the ship lost its way in the fog_

 _And that whale of a crew was reduced down to two_

 _Just meself and the captain's old dog_

 _Then the ship struck a rock, oh Lord what a shock_

 _The bulkhead was turned right over_

 _Turned nine times around, and the poor old dog was drowned_

 _I'm the last of the Irish Rover" (2)_

Lily and Sirius had jumped up for the last verse and were flying around the campfire, as the others clapped in time to the music, as though they had danced to this jig on countless occasions.

"Good show!" called James, amid rousing applause, walking over at the end and clapping Sirius on the shoulders. "Pads, you old dog!"

Lily looked quizzically at them as the other boys groaned at James and burst out laughing.

"It will be seven damned years of putting up with you lot, by the time we're finished in Hogwarts!" laughed Sirius.

"So if you're the dog, who would be the last man standing, if things went haywire?" asked Peter laughing.

"Remus, definitely!" said Sirius. "He's such a clever bastard he always manages to find a way out of trouble, I'd bet my last knut on it!"

Remus watched Sirius gazing at him with such a relieved and rapt expression – it took his breath away. It occurred to him suddenly that Sirius – beautiful, impulsive, tempestuous, daring Sirius - would likely be one of the first to die if they found themselves involved in the war. He shivered violently.

"A toast – to the Marauders!" said Remus, giving Peter a hand up and walking over to join the others.

He locked eyes with Sirius and kissed his forehead softly.

"Here's to not losing our way in the fog and steering clear of rocks!"

"I'll second that!" said Sirius, smiling at him, unaware of what Remus was thinking.

They raised their bottles in the air as one.

"To the Marauders!"

…

"So, we sang for Lily and James, the swotty Heads, yeah?" said Sirius, curling up to rest his head on Remus' lap. "What song would you pick for the start of Seventh Year, Moony?"

Remus gazed at his shining eyes and shining hair and thought about war and his furry little problem and how soon Sirius might tire of him.

He turned to Peter.

"A song from the Great War might fit best, Wormy. Pack Up Your Troubles?"

Peter shrugged and began strumming.

 _"Pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag_

 _And smile, smile, smile_

 _While you've a lucifer to light your fag *_

 _Smile, boys, that's the style!_

 _What's the use of worrying?_

 _It never was worthwhile_

 _So pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag_

 _And smile, smile, smile"(3)_

"I can't believe you picked a song with fag in it!" snorted Sirius, taking a drag from his cigarette and passing it to Remus' lips. "What about you, Wormy?"

"Seventh Year?" said Peter groaning miserably. "It's going to be painful – all swotting and stress and exams and me desperately seeking a girlfriend without success. I think I'll have to drink my way through it!"

 _"It makes me see what I want to see_

 _And be what I want to be_

 _When I think more than I want to think_

 _Do things I should never do_

 _I drink much more that I ought to drink_

 _Because it brings me back to you."(4)_

"Wow, Peter!" said Lily. "That was beautiful, you're amazing!"

"Thanks Lily, that's Lilac Wine," Peter said, lapping up the attention and feeling more positive.

"Which leaves me," said Sirius, yawning elegantly and pulling the collar of his new black polka dot shirt up so that it peeked out over his leather jacket.

Peter caught Lily and Remus' eyes and winked.

"We already know the perfect song for you, Pads!" he chuckled. "Ready? On the count of three…"

 _"They seek him here, they seek him there_

 _His clothes are loud, but never square_

 _It will make or break him so he's got to buy the best_

 _'Cause he's a dedicated follower of fashion"(5)_

"Fuck off with that damned song again!" said Sirius, looking offended as the singing disintegrated into howling laughter

"Fuck The Kinks!" said Sirius, pouting again, lifting his head back and exhaling as he looked up at Remus.

"Oh I don't know," said Remus, his voice low as he stroked Sirius' hair and brushed his finger to his lips. "I think you'd like some of their stuff…"

The alcohol had made him less reserved, and the thought of not seeing his boyfriend for a whole month while the Potters went to Italy made him feel bolder. He began singing quietly, in his low, melodious voice, Welsh accent accentuated.

 _"See, don't ever set me free_

 _I always want to be by your side_

 _Boy, you really got me now_

 _You got me so I can't sleep at night_

 _Yeah, you really got me now_

 _You got me so I don't know what I'm doin', now_

 _Oh yeah, you really got me now_

 _You got me so I can't sleep at night_

 _You Really Got Me_

 _You Really Got Me_

 _You Really Got Me"(6)_

Peter's guitar strummed beautifully as Sirius gazed at Remus in wonder and licked his dry lips.

"He's looking a bit starstruck for Moony!" smirked James. "Don't tell me you've managed to render Pads speechless? Surely a first!"

They all looked at Sirius who hadn't moved. He opened his mouth to reply but no words came out. He stood up slowly and held out his hand for Remus.

"Where are we going?" Remus asked, aware that all eyes were on them.

"I'm tempted to wolf-whistle!" called Peter, catching James' eye.

James immediately did just that, as Lily threw twigs at them laughing. Sirius pulled Remus' hand and raced them to the far corner of the beach, pulling them both over the wet rocks and onto the far side.

"Sirius, what," began Remus laughing, but was cut short by Sirius kissing him desperately.

"Am I that obvious?" Sirius said, pulling away momentarily to catch his breath.

"Pardon?" said Remus, breathlessly, looking confused.

"The lyrics, that's me to a tee, I can't fucking sleep at all, you wanker!" he sighed into Remus' lips. "It's all your fault!"

"It was meant to be me, thinking of you - the song was about you, you blockhead!" said Remus, pressing Sirius closer with a searing kiss.

"I'm going to miss you so much," Sirius said, kissing him back. "I don't know if I can stand it! We haven't even been on a bloody proper date, or had any time alone even!"

"You're the one leaving," said Remus.

"Don't you dare forget me, Remus John Lupin!" said Sirius. "Or find someone else!"

"Merlin, Sirius, you're going to bloody Italy and I'm going back to a cottage in Wales in the middle of nowhere! I foresee few distractions! You on the other hand look like fucking Adonis and," said Remus smiling.

"Who?" interrupted Sirius.

"Hot Greek bloke," said Remus dismissively.

"Fuck the Greeks, I'm going to come back and talk French and Italian at you, wearing this leather jacket, you hear?" said Sirius, his grey eyes flashing.

"Oh really?" said Remus, trying to pretend that didn't excite him in the least. "Well let me tell you what I'm going to say to you when you get back."

He leaned into Sirius and whispered in his ear. Sirius' eyes grew wide and his hands gripped Remus' arms as he listened.

"Merlin!" he said breathlessly. "You're wicked, Moony! I'm not even sure what all of it means but there's no way I'm not going to be able to wait that long!"

…..

His back was against the dark rocks, the rockpools reflecting the starlight. He wanted to tell Remus he loved him.

"I feel dizzy," said Sirius, catching his breath and looking up at the night sky as he pressed Remus closer. "It must be the stars."

Nobody had ever told him they loved him. Except for James and his parents, who were all into expressing their emotions and shit, and did love him.

And he had never said it to anyone. His entire life.

Remus stroked his high cheekbone and sighed.

"The brightest star," he said in a low voice.

"Soppy git," Sirius grinned back.

He couldn't tell Remus.

"I feel dizzy," he repeated instead, fisting his hands into Remus' shirt, as though afraid he might disappear any minute. "Er, this Adonis fellow, he doesn't happen to hang out in Wales, does he?"

"Sweet Merlin!" laughed Remus, leaning towards him. "How can you be such an idiot!"

"Yes but your idiot! What did you call me? Your alluring, bewitching, captivating idiot? And don't you forget it!" said Sirius, overcome with longing.

By the time they returned, the other three were fast asleep inside their sleeping bags, and the fire had gone out, Lily's arm protectively slung over James.

….

The summer passed in a riot of colour and love-letters and owls and a rare meeting, and before they knew it, September 1st had arrived.

Kings Cross Station was particularly jammed that year. Their last year at Hogwarts. It felt strange to be the oldest students there. And to be split up. James, Lily and Remus had gone to the Prefects' Meeting. Sirius and Peter were sharing a compartment with Dorcas and Emma, who were feeling a bit glum about Mary leaving. Sirius had been feeling restless. With Remus and James gone, he felt it more keenly. He had a desperate urge to speak to Reg, to see if he had received his owl, and find out if they were on speaking terms. To make sure he had survived the summer. He had walked down the length of the train, past the Slytherin carriages, twice, but no sight nor sound of him. He began to worry, guilt gnawing at him. What if something had happened to him, his little brother?

"Wormy, I'm just popping out to speak with someone. Nothing important, back in a mo," he said, smiling casually at Peter. "If Remus gets back while I'm gone, tell him I've gone to chat up some smashing Italian fellow, alright?"

He winked at Peter and at the two surprised girls, before heading off.

"Are they? Is he?" asked Dorcas, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Er, yeah, pretty much," said Peter, flushing with embarrassment.

"Wow!" said Emma. "I didn't know! That's fantastic news! I mean I wasn't expecting it, what with Mary and him…"

"Yeah, same," said Peter, cringing inwardly.

"No wonder he was looking so happy earlier, I thought he might have a new girlfriend!" she continued. "Well, I wish him well. Remus is a great guy and I think they'll suit each other."

"Yeah, brilliant news!" said Dorcas, more quietly.

Peter thought that in actual fact she seemed slightly put out by the news. Typical, the girl he fancies seemed to like Sirius Black by the looks of things. Godric's gonads….

"It's wonderful that you and Potter are so supportive of them! I know a hell of a lot of students wouldn't be," said Emma, smiling at Peter enthusiastically.

"Yeah, we really ship them!" said Peter, grinning back.

"You guys are the best of friends, I really admire that about you!" gushed Emma.

Peter smiled sweetly and thanked his lucky stars for his impressive acting abilities.

Merlin, he didn't know what was going on half the time these days. One minute his two friends were pureblood, aristocratic, popular ladies-men (well, Sirius was anyway). Next thing, Sirius had been blasted off the family tree, disinherited and now gay. Gay? He didn't particularly have a thing against people who weren't heterosexual, but he presumed his friends would have, being purebloods? Personally, he did think it was a bit weird and unnatural. But he probably wouldn't have said all that homophobic stuff to Sirius if he hadn't presumed the others were thinking like that. And now he'd have to put up with Remus and Sirius being all soppy and pathetic. He wasn't very happy about it.

And James was going out with Lily and was clearly head over heels in love with her. And he could tell she was equally smitten. He had thought it might be the thrill of the chase. That James might want to sleep with her he could well imagine, and he doubted they had gone that far to date. In his opinion she was very hot, he might have fancied her himself except that she was too sassy for him, and out of his league. But something serious? He just hadn't expected James to fall so hard and stay smitten with someone so… dare he think it, well… beneath him. Why would James bother with her, when he could have gone out with any number of rich, pureblood beauties? Especially in this political climate? It was stupid.

Perhaps the worst thing of all was the fact that the Marauders had come to the attention of he-who-must-not-be-named. Dumbledore had praised him for his role in rescuing James and Lily but had severely cautioned against mentioning it to anyone. Dumbledore thought Voldemort would be very embarrassed by the entire episode, possibly even acting as though it had never happened. Peter was massively relieved to hear that, but… he had relished the opportunity of basking in the limelight – a hero – who had defied Voldemort? Imagine how many girls would have seen him in a new light? How many would have been interested in going on a date with him? A stud, a Gryffindor hero…

Instead, nothing. Nada. Zilch.

It was alright for the others – Lames and Blasted Wolf** - as he had started calling them in his head. Yeah sure, his friends said he was a gifted actor, musician and singer, a fabulous mimic, had a great sense of humour, had beautiful eyes (Merlin, was James embarrassing at times!), that he was loyal and brave and a fantastic friend. That he would no doubt find a girlfriend soon. But that wasn't how he felt about himself.

He sighed and opened his bag again, taking out some more money. He knew one thing that would cheer him up, if only in the short term.

"Anyone want anything from the trolley witch? I'm starving," he said.

…..…..

Sirius had jumped off the train and was now frantically searching the platform for his brother. Athletic and agile, he weaved elegantly in and out of the crowd, getting more and more agitated by the minute. Where was Reg? Had something happened? Was he dead? He spotted a few of his least favourite students running for the Hogwarts Express and side-stepped hurriedly, walking smack bang into a woman and tripping over her foot, sending him sprawling to the ground.

"How dare you!" he heard her say.

"Fuck!" he said, touching his cheek and wincing as he spotted blood on his hand.

"Frightfully sorry," he began, looking up at her and gasping with fright when he saw her face.

"Sirius," she said.

Her cold mocking tones sending a chill down his spine. He started crawled backwards, unable to tear his gaze away, as his hand reached into his pocket to retrieve his wand.

"Frightened of your dear Mamma?" she laughed scornfully, towering above him. "How did you end up in Gryffindor, you coward!"

He wanted his legs to move, he was willing himself to stand up, but his body wasn't responding.

"Where's Reg?" he asked instead, gripping his wand.

His voice sounded small and lost.

"Regulus is no concern of yours," she said, her grey eyes filled with loathing. "He wants nothing to do with you. Ask him yourself if you don't believe me. He no longer considers you his brother. He will not even deign you with an answer if you attempt to speak to him."

Burning rage sparked in Sirius then, and he stood up shaking, wand at his side.

"Well he is my brother, whether he likes it or not!"

"I don't think so, Sirius," said Walburga, her bright smile unnerving him. "I thought James Potter was your brother now? Sweet little James and his lovely little parents, your new family?"

Something about her tone made his hair stand on end.

"They are. Stay the fuck away from them!" he said hoarsely, pointing his wand at her, as sparks of magic flared from the tip of the wand.

"Language dear!" said Walburga sweetly, bringing her elegant hand up to her lips in feigned shock. "We shall certainly be staying well away from those blood traitors, we wouldn't be caught dead anywhere near revolting scum like them. But fate, I fear, may have other plans for your mudblood-loving family. If anything bad should happen this year, there is one thing I want you to remember – listen very carefully."

She walked slowly towards him, her head held high and her eyes flashing. She brought her gloved hand up and cupped his chin roughly, forcing him to look at her.

"If you had not run away, Darling, if they hadn't taken you in, none of this would have happened. You are to blame. If the Potter's lives are ruined, it will be entirely your doing. They will rue the day they ever met you, Sirius. They will all wish you had never been born, as I do. It will all have been your fault."

...

 _*Lucifer matches are a type of match that was popular in the 20th century, including during WWI. They had a few issues such as having a violent reaction when lit and an unsteady flame (for some reason that seemed relevant to Remus' song…)._

 _** Lames - as in, James and Lily (and it sounded a bit lame?) and Blasted Wolf (as in, blasted off the tapestry and werewolf, as well as a bit irritating?)_

 **Notes:**

 **I'm back to work tomorrow and with family illnesses still ongoing, I may be a bit slow to post next chapter, but I'll do my best!**


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27: The Ancient and Most Noble House

 **Summary:**

 **The Marauders depart from King's Cross on the Hogwarts Express for their final year...**

 **Warning: mention of homophobia**

Previously...

"Language dear!" said Walburga sweetly, bringing her elegant hand up to her lips in feigned shock. "We shall certainly be staying well away from those blood traitors, we wouldn't be caught dead anywhere near revolting scum like them. But fate, I fear, may have other plans for your mudblood-loving family. If anything bad should happen this year, there is one thing I want you to remember – listen very carefully."

She walked slowly towards him, her head held high and her eyes flashing. She brought her gloved hand up and cupped his chin roughly, forcing him to look at her.

"If you had not run away, Darling, if they hadn't taken you in, none of this would have happened. You are to blame. If the Potter's lives are ruined, it will be entirely your doing. They will rue the day they ever met you, Sirius. They will all wish you had never been born, as I do. It will all have been your fault."

Chapter 27 The Noble and Most Ancient House

"Oh Merlin, you're telling me I'm going to have to work with that bunch of tossers?" groaned James, peering at the Prefects gathered inside the reserved carriage.

"They're not all bad, some very decent, some of them a little dreadful, I'll give you that," said Remus smirking at him with amusement.

"A little?" sighed James, banging his forehead lightly against the corridor wall. "Have you seen them? My fucking best mate, Snape, for starters! Then those two wankers Rosier and Carrow –has Dumbledore lost the plot? They must be all Death Eaters by now!"

Lily looked momentarily stricken, and James caught on quickly.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he said, feeling guilty. "I didn't mean that, I mean-"

"You're right," she said quietly, looking in at Snape's stony-faced expression. "He probably is…"

Her friend, her best friend for years, now a Death Eater, or as near as made no difference, she was pretty sure of it. How could he have changed so much? How could he be part of an organisation that wanted to destroy innocent people like her? To kill them? She felt a lump in her throat. James' arm pulled her close to him.

"I'm so sorry, I'm an idiot," he whispered. "I promise I'll shut up."

Concern and regret burning in his eyes.

"James," she admonished, smiling up at him and placing her hand on his chest. "It's fine, stop worrying and get your arse in there!"

"Yes Sir!" said James, with a mock salute and wink.

She looked so well, with her sun kissed skin and freckled cheeks, he wanted to find a secret hideaway and spend the day doing beautiful things with her…

"Prongs!" said Remus rolling his eyes fondly. "Focus, mate!"

"What? Fuck, sorry! In we go!" replied James hurriedly, opening the door of the compartment.

"I say, you lot, about time! Do get started, I'm positively dying of hunger!" said Trevor Leighton, giving Lily a wide grin and patting the seat next to him.

"Terribly sorry, old thing!" said James casually, making way for Lily and Remus to sit elsewhere, and plonking himself next to him. "We were… delayed."

"What in Morgana's hell is he doing here?" he heard Snape mutter furiously to Rosier.

"Yes, delayed - they had to deal with Heads' business, Leighton," said Remus, unable to hold back the wicked grin on his face.

He was rewarded with a look of pure horror on Snape, Carrow and Rosier's faces.

"Merlin, Snape, are you not up to speed on who the new Head Boy and Head Girl are?" he asked innocently.

He stretched his long legs out in front of him, looking mildly amused. There was something different about him this year, Snape thought, something tangibly happier, exuding increased confidence. Despite his usual worn bag, dog-eared books and faded uniform. His green eyes were twinkling, and blonde highlights caught the sideways rays of sun. It suddenly infuriated Snape. This thing – why was he even allowed to remain in Hogwarts? The unfairness of it, he thought, they should all have been expelled – Lupin, Black and Potter. And now that bastard Potter was Head Boy. Potter should have been expelled. In fact, he should have been dead by now, if things had gone to plan.

"Shut up, Lupin!" Snape's voice was vicious. "I know things about you-"

"And I know things about you too, Snape!" interrupted Lily cheerfully. "This might not be the best time to have that conversation, maybe keep it for a Truth and Dare session, when we've all had a bit to drink, eh?"

Leighton snorted aloud and most of the other prefects giggled. Lily joined in too, while regarding Snape with a cold glint in her eye. He knew she was furious. She held his gaze until he broke eye contact, feeling ashamed, for some reason.

"All I know is that you're delaying this meeting, Snape, don't make me dock points for time-wasting! Merlin knows I don't want to spend longer in here than absolutely necessary!" said James, looking around at the other prefects and grinning. His smile and his good humour were infectious, he was well-liked by most students and, aside from the three male Slytherin prefects, the others warmed to him immediately.

"I say, these meetings are usually deathly dull, but having you here is bound to liven things up, Potter! Jolly good!" Leighton chuckled.

"There's enough darkness out there at the moment, we could do with some cheering up!" muttered Benjy Fenwick.

Lily looked at him with interest. It was the first time she had ever heard Benjy spontaneously contribute at a Prefects' Meeting. The Hufflepuff prefect was usually notoriously socially anxious and avoided the limelight at all costs. Most people had been extremely surprised when Dumbledore had appointed him in 5th Year.

"I second that!" said Remus, smiling at him warmly.

Benjy's face lit up and he ducked his head rapidly. Lily caught the blush that spread across his tanned cheeks and wondered.

"So, first off, let's get the rosters sorted, that always takes the longest. Then we'll deal with all the other agenda items. Dumbledore will be meeting James and me later, and we'll fill you in if he has brought in any additional measures to ensure student safety in Hogwarts," said Lily, skimming through the parchment in front of her. "Seems that many parents complained to the School Board of Management after all the… er… incidents, last year?"

Lily glanced at James and he shrugged lightly.

"I can imagine a large number of complaints will have been made by the time we arrive today. I'd be very surprised if there aren't a flurry of howlers about appointing a mud-" sneered Carrow.

James felt his blood boil, but before he could respond, Benjy Fenwick interrupted.

"Shut up, you pathetic fucker!" he said, looking at Carrow with disgust. "If you think you can get away with calling the Head Girl, or anyone else, a mudblood, you have another thing coming!"

"Hear, hear!"

"Yeah, fuck off, Carrow!"

"Good on you, Fenwick!"

"Damn right!"

"What he said!"

James felt his chest swell with pride at his fellow students. For standing up to Carrow, and for standing up for Lily. And Fenwick. He remembered Fenwick was a muggleborn too. Admittedly a small minority had remained silent, including Regulus, who he had just spotted for the first time, sitting at the back, looking pale and thin.

"Would you care to complete that sentence, Carrow?" he asked, and there was no mistaking the fury in his voice.

Carrow backed away from him scowling.

"I think we all know what I meant," he muttered, fingers reaching for his wand.

"I think we all know what will happen if you say that word," said James.

As Carrow avoided eye contact, James turned to the other students, addressing Snape, Rosier and Regulus Black in particular.

"Professor Dumbledore has explicitly told me that this year, the punishment for using words such as mudblood or for hexing students based on their blood status will be severe. He will mention it himself at the welcoming ceremony later today," he said.

"About time too," said Remus.

James grunted in agreement and shot Lily a quick look. She looked at him with evident surprise, which was to be expected, seeing as he had just lied through his teeth.

"What's next on the Agenda, Evans?" he asked, casually throwing his arm around the back of his seat.

"Rotas," she answered with a groan. "The bane of our lives. It takes forever to get this sorted."

"Why?" asked James.

"Because," she answered crossly. "Basically there are certain pairings that won't work and well-"

James guessed immediately.

"Do you mind passing that parchment over?" he asked enthusiastically, scanning through it rapidly.

"That takes an age to work out, you idiot," Snape said immediately. "How would you even know where to start when you've never done this before?"

"Easily," replied James, not deigning to look up. "Quidditch practice, pitch rotas, same shit."

He scribbled a few names out and re-wrote them, his untidy arrows and scrawls soon covering the page.

"There!" he said after a few minutes. "That should do it, Evans!"

Lily took it back, brow raised slightly and read through it.

"Huh! That does look like the rota is sorted till January," she said, shooting him a flirty smile. "More than just a pretty face, Potter."

A few suggestive sniggers and giggles filled the room. James winked back, a love-struck grin plastered on his tanned face.

"Alright," said Lily, her cheeks a shade darker as she picked up the parchment again. "Any other business?"

"I wonder could we discuss Halloween?" asked Rosie Lupplin, a Ravenclaw prefect who was friendly with Lily. "I have a few suggestions about how we could celebrate it this year?"

"Of course," said Lily. "Great idea. Fire away!"

James was leaning forward with interest to listen to Rosie, who he was very fond of, when out of the corner of his eye he saw something outside the train which caught his attention. It was a big, black dog. It was following the train – looking exhausted, its tongue hanging out, barely keeping up. Every so often it seemed to stumble, and almost give up the chase. But it kept going.

"Oh fuck!" exclaimed James.

All eyes turned to look at him expectantly.

"Oh, did you not like that idea?" asked Rosie. "Too complicated?"

"No, no, not at all," said James hurriedly composing himself. "I love the idea. It's just… I just remembered Remus and I were supposed to deliver a message personally to Slughorn and Mc Gonagall. From Dumbledore?"

He looked at Remus intently and moved his eyes swiftly towards the door, indicating they should leave.

"Er, yes, I completely forgot, what an idiot!" said Remus, immediately standing up and following James out of the room, much to Lily's confusion.

"It's Padfoot, follow me!" James whispered urgently, pulling him out of sight of the prefects' carriage. "Was he not on the bloody train at King's Cross?"

"Pardon?" said Remus, looking worried. "Yes he was. What the hell happened?"

"I've no idea, but it can't have been good," said James quietly, as they made their way swiftly towards the back of the train.

James had opened the back of the last carriage once before, as a dare, and he had no difficulty getting it to open this time with a wordless Alohomora spell. He yanked the stiff door open and a strong gust of wind blew inside, making him grab hold of the railing swiftly. He could just make out Sirius, in his animagus form.

"He's falling further behind!" said Remus anxiously, screening his eyes with his hand.

"I can't get help from Minnie, she shouldn't know we're illegal animagi, could get her in trouble," said James, biting his lower lip and staring at Padfoot. "What can we try? I'll have to cast a load of Dissillusionment Charms to stop others seeing him. I was thinking of an Alarte Ascendere to get him on board, but that seems too dangerous. I could Epoximise him to something else? Surely to Merlin you've a better idea, Moony?"

Remus shook his head with astonishment. He couldn't get over how quickly James' brain worked.

"You're unbelievable, Prongs!"

"I think a simple Avifors spell to start with," he said after a short pause. "But I've no idea will it work if Sirius is in animagus form? We may need to switch to Alarte Ascendere and add the Carpe Retractum immediately afterwards."

"Great idea, Moony!" said James. "I'll cast a Muffliato as well, in case anyone hears us!"

"And it could be dangerous," added Remus, looking at James.

"It's alright, Moony, we've got this," said James firmly.

Remus nodded stiffly and they both turned to look at Sirius.

"On the count of three," said James, holding his wand out with a look of tense concentration. "We move to Plan B if it's unsuccessful."

Remus shot the Avifors spell straight as a die and held his breath as he saw the wispy gold thread hit Padfoot. A puff of gold smoke and the black dog had been replaced by a colourful tropical bird which hovered in mid-air and then began to fly towards the speeding train, closing the distance. Remus sighed with relief and annoyance.

"Bloody Pads, trust him to turn into something outrageously flamboyant!" he snorted.

"Nine o'clock, incoming!" shouted James suddenly.

He had spotted a falcon moving at deadly speed, nose-diving directly onto the smaller bird. He acted immediately.

"Homorphus!" he cried, aiming his wand at the bird.

With a pop, the bird vanished, and Sirius appeared in its place, falling rapidly towards the train tracks.

"Alarte Ascendere!" yelled Remus.

Sirius was swept upwards with a powerful motion, in full view of the train.

"Fuck!" hissed James, rapidly casting Disillusionment charms and Muffliato spells all around the vicinity.

"Carpe Retractum!" called Remus, his hand shaking as he saw Sirius helplessly tossed around mid-air and then hurtle towards them at top speed.

"Arresto Momentum!" James shouted out, just as Sirius braced himself for impact.

As Sirius closed his eyes with fear, he felt his body hit an invisible barrier and his limbs jerked backwards. Hovering slowly, he landed gracefully beside James and Remus, who grabbed onto him with outstretched hands, pulling him over the railing.

"Fucking hell, I thought we'd gotten you killed!" said James gruffly, engulfing him in a tight hug.

"What happened, Pads?" asked Remus urgently.

The door behind them was pulled aside roughly and Snape and Carrow pushed through, followed by an alarmed Professor Mc Gonagall.

"There! I told you, Professor! He was flying outside the train, I swear!" shouted Carrow, pointing at Sirius.

"We saw him! Don't you dare deny it!" added Snape, looking at Sirius triumphantly.

Sirius was covered in mud, his hair sticking to his face, his uniform torn, cuts visible on his arms and legs, still breathless and shaking violently. He opened his mouth as if to speak and James interrupted him immediately.

"Don't be so infernally stupid!" said James, folding his arms and glaring at Snape and Carrow. "Since when can Sirius fly-"

To James' horror Sirius started speaking, now hyperventilating, looking terrified.

"I, please… you need to help me! Help, please!" he choked, looking at Professor Mc Gonagall wildly.

"Pads!" said James, shooting him a warning look to remind him of the two prefects who were regarding him with shock.

"Sirius, perhaps we should-" began Minerva Mc Gonagall, who was looking at Sirius with grave concern.

"Help… they want to… I can't!" he spluttered, grabbing hold of Mc Gonagall's cloak, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes.

"Get out!" said Remus, moving towards Snape and Carrow. "This is private!"

Carrow's eyes lit up and he glanced at Snape.

"Oh stop fussing, Lupin, I want to hear what's frightened poor ickle Sirius!" he said with a cruel laugh.

"Professor, please! You need to stop them!" Sirius yelled at Mc Gonagall, grabbing her houlders in a frenzy.

"Mr. Black!" Mc Gonagall said sternly, looking at James and Remus to see if they could help their friend.

Fuck it, thought Remus, based on his recent experience there was one sure way to calm Sirius or at least distract the hell out of him.

"Pads!" he said firmly, placing his hands on Sirius' shoulders and drawing him closer.

Sirius appeared momentarily confused and his agitation diminished slightly, gazing between Remus and the professor.

"Pads!" said Remus gently, pulling him in and kissing him on the lips.

Sirius' eyes widened in shock and then he closed them, sighing deeply and holding onto Remus as though his life depended on it. He breathed in Remus – old parchment, books, coffee, chocolate, sandalwood. Remus was holding his face in his hands, their foreheads touching now. He felt his heart rate begin to slow down and took a deep breath.

"Thank you," Sirius whispered softly.

He closed his eyes again briefly.

"Look, just because Sirius fell getting onto the train doesn't mean he did anything wrong," said Remus, stepping forwards towards Rosier and Snape, now blocking Sirius from view, wand by his side. "He's not been feeling well since the start of the journey and we thought he was going to be sick, that's why we're here. Surely better than vomiting all over the carriage, I would have thought?"

Minerva studied Remus' face. He was livid. He looked desperately worried. Every fibre of her being wanted to protect him and Sirius. She had always felt incredibly protective of those boys.

"That's a lie!" said Snape, turning aggressively towards the professor, his voice rising. "I told you, I saw him, flying above the train! I swear to you!"

"Don't you dare address Professor Mc Gonagall with that tone of voice!" snapped James, advancing towards Snape.

"Gentlemen! Enough!" said Mc Gonagall, placing herself between them and looking like thunder. "Not another word, or I shall send you all on a one-way ticket back to King's Cross. Do I make myself clear?"

Mc Gonagall was intimidating at the best of times, but none of them had seen her looking so terrifying, aside from Sirius who was suddenly vividly reminded of her taking on Malum.

Snape swallowed anxiously and stepped backwards, bumped into Carrow, blocking the doorway.

"Carrow, Snape – you have patrolling duties to complete on the train. I suggest you start immediately." said James.

It was clear he was used to people obeying his orders on the pitch, and neither of the two dared disobey him when he looked like that.

"The Head Boy can deduct House points from Prefects, you will recall," said Mc Gonagall, standing beside James.

Damn that woman, thought Snape bitterly, Potter and the Marauders were always her favourites. Without another word they back away, muttering angrily among themselves. As soon as they had left the corridor, Sirius lunged forwards, grabbing Mc Gonagall by her cloak.

"She's going to kill him I know it she's going to kill him or get them all killed and it'll be all my fault and you've got to do something sweet Merlin please help me Professor I beg you!" he couldn't get the words out fast enough, and his breathing was jagged and irregular and his eyes wide with horror, and he had started sobbing half way through and he was holding onto her cloak like he was about to drown and she was the only lifeboat.

"Sirius, take a deep breath. You're safe now. What are you trying to tell me?" she said evenly, holding onto both of his hands and squeezing them gently.

Sirius gulped and looked wildly around, as though afraid he was being watched.

"My mother," he whispered, his voice shaking uncontrollably. "My mother… help me, please!"

"Sirius, it's alright, we're here. We won't let anything happen," Remus said, holding his hand – with his quiet, steely determination that Sirius admired so much.

If Mc Gonagall was astonished at the show of affection between them, she didn't show it. In fact, she seemed entirely unsurprised and unperturbed, returning Remus' challenging look with a warm smile.

Sirius shuddered and took a few deep breaths, before explaining what Walburga had said to him, all the while holding onto Remus, his eyes still closed.

She listened attentively, occasionally glancing at James with concern.

"Bollox!" said James flatly, when he had finished. "My parents have excellent security in place since March of this year and they can't get into Hogwarts. We'll just have to talk to Dumbledore about increasing protection for students this year, which I presume he was going to do anyway. And not specifically for me, but for the entire student population, especially muggleborns. That woman is a complete fucking bitch! She's always threatening you, Pads, and she never follows through with it. Think about all the dramatic threats she made against you in those bloody howlers you got from her last year when you moved in with us. Load of tosh!"

"Mr. Potter, watch your language," said Mc Gonagall, half-heartedly correcting him.

"Professor, Walburga Black is a complete fucking bitch. That is as concise and accurate a description of her as you are ever likely to get," said Remus, tight-lipped, looking at James as though he wanted to give him a medal. "Do you deny it?"

He looked at Mc Gonagall calmly and his tone was level. But she could feel the undercurrent of rage radiating from him. She sighed heavily.

"No, Mr. Lupin, I'm sorry to say that Mr. Potter is quite correct," she said, looking at him and Sirius in turn.

Sirius let out a shaky laugh and shook his head.

"I wouldn't put anything past her," he whispered, looking at James. "I know her. This was different. It felt like she hated James and his parents… personally. I think they'll try something."

"Well I fucking hate her too, and it is damned personal!" said James, his eyes flashing dangerously. "After everything she did to you, she's lucky I didn't curse her to fucking-"

"Mr. Potter!" interrupted Mc Gonagall, glaring at him. "The Head Boy will not use such language, do I make myself clear? Part of your role is to set an example for the whole school!"

James looked down momentarily and held his tongue with difficulty.

"Do I make myself clear?" asked Mc Gonagall, more gently this time.

He lifted his head back up, biting his lower lip, and nodded.

"I'm going to be such a bloody disastrous Head Boy, Minnie, I'm not cut out for this," he muttered mutinously.

"Fuck them if they don't like it. You're what we need right now," replied Remus, his hand gripping Sirius' tightly.

"We need students like the three of you," replied Mc Gonagall, looking at them all in turn with a kind but weary expression. "James, we know exactly what you're like after seven years, believe me! You and Lily will complement each other perfectly."

"You think, huh?" James' face lit up and he grinned at Minerva, absentmindedly running his fingers through his messy hair.

"Dork," muttered Sirius under his breath, winking at Remus.

"Smitten," Remus cough-laughed into his sleeve.

"You best get back to your duties," Minerva said, putting on her no-nonsense voice. "James, I believe you and Lily have to meet me now. Remus, if you could-"

"I need to make sure that Sirius," began Remus.

"Your duties as a prefect include looking after sick students," Mc Gonagall interjected. "Now could you please escort Sirius Black to his carriage to arrange for a change of clothing and some healing spells?"

Remus flushed slightly and nodded.

"Yes, Professor," he said.

"I'm going to enjoy this," said Sirius, smiling at his favourite professor.

It was usually his job to look after Remus after the full moon, and he guessed Remus would jump at the chance to swap roles for once. He was still frightened by what had happened. He knew they all thought he was exaggerating, being a drama queen, as usual. But he wasn't. He knew his parents. He was going to have to be paranoid this year, be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary that might be traced back to the Dark Arts practiced by the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. But he could think of no better distraction that spending time with his adorable boyfriend.

….

"Why d'you leave the train, Pads?" asked James quietly, as they walked away from Mc Gonagall.

"Reg. Couldn't find him. Still can't," answered Sirius, the sudden fear weighing heavily on him again.

"He was with us, Prefects' Carriage," said James.

"Fuck!" said Sirius. "I should have guessed! I'm so stupid!"

He looked so angry, James pulled him back.

"Easy mistake to make. Let me talk to him, I'm Head Boy now, he can't exactly ignore me?"

Sirius scowled, and clenched his jaw. He nodded after a pause.

"Alright, don't want to get him in trouble if he's caught talking to me."

James caught Remus' eye and nodded.

"Later."

He walked purposefully down the corridor till he saw Lily's red hair brightening up the compartment, a cheeky grin on her face as she laughed at something that Rosie had said. Opening the door carefully he stuck his head in.

"Evans, Mc Gonagall wants to talk to us in ten."

He must have looked tense, as he read concern on her face, so he smiled encouragingly.

"All good. Black, a word?" he said, turning to Regulus.

"What word?" Regulus replied stiffly.

He didn't look like he was being rude, just possibly confused.

"I need to talk to you, now, Black," said James, slightly exasperated.

Regulus' face went an even whiter shade, and he seemed to be struggling to decide what to do. According to Sirius, Reg was "practically obsessed with following school rules", which James could use to his advantage.

"I'm the Head Boy now, Reg. This is important. If you refuse to talk to me, it's breaking the rules. Unless you'd like me to call Mc Gonagall?" said James.

Regulus relented immediately.

"I shall talk to you. But only because I have to, and only for the briefest of moments," he said shakily, his gaze intense.

James rolled his eyes. He didn't have a reputation for being intimidating, and Reg's attitude perplexed him.

"I won't keep you long," he replied in a slightly gentler tone.

"We'll leave you alone so," said Lily, who seemed to have guessed that something delicate was afoot. "Rosie, let's go."

"So," began James, as soon as the door shut behind them. He motioned for Reg to sit down, which he did reluctantly, sitting bolt upright, his back never touching the seat. "Why are you ignoring Sirius? Why didn't you reply to his owl a few weeks ago? He's worried sick, Reg."

"Why?" said Regulus.

"For fuck's sake, Reg," sighed James. "He's your brother. He loves you. Can you not just talk with him for a few minutes?"

"He told me he hated me. Sirius never lies," Regulus said in a low voice. "I did not receive any correspondence from him."

"Reg, Sirius says a lot of stuff that he doesn't mean when he's angry, trust me," James said, scratching his chin absentmindedly. He could see why Sirius was so protective of Regulus, for someone so highly intelligent he seemed very confused when it came to understanding other people's feelings or motives.

"I am arranging a meeting between you and Sirius, to sort this out. School rules state I should try to mediate any problems between students, before handing the matter over to one of the professors. Ten minutes will do the job."

"No!" replied Reg immediately, sitting rigidly in front of James. "I can't!"

Reg looked frightened. Or at least, his equivalent of it – wide eyed, dilated pupils, open mouthed.

"Bloody hell, Reg, nobody's going to see. Your parents won't know, if that's what's worrying you!" said James, thinking of the Marauders' map. "I can literally guarantee that. I'll set up a meeting. Ten minutes, Reg, that's all I'm asking for. Otherwise he'll be unable to focus on anything else. Merlin knows he needs to study this year."

"I cannot," said Regulus, standing up suddenly. "You don't understand, it is not possible, in fact… it's unbreakable."

James stared blankly at him.

"An unbreakable vow?" he whispered eventually.

"Yes," replied Reg.

His facial expression had remained unchanged, but he was rubbing the palms of his hands onto his trouser legs.

"Fuck!" said James, his voice choked. "Fucking hell, Reg. I'm so sorry."

He made as if to go over to Reg, then stopped, helplessly standing over the younger boy.

"They should never have done that, Reg," he said softly. "That was wrong, and unfair."

Regulus' intense gaze pierced him.

"You don't need to say anything, Reg," James added. "I know you care about your brother."

Regulus' gaze faltered, and his hands flew into the air briefly as though flapping at his side, before he stiffened and closed his fists. James nodded and gently placed his hand on Regulus' shoulder. He pulled back alarmed as Reg flinched with pain. Looking at Regulus' back he spotted a red, angry welt just visible over the edge of his shirt collar.

"Bastards!" he said, unable to stop himself.

"Bastard," clarified Regulus.

"Oh. Right," said James who looked surprised at the statement.

"I am just being factually correct," said Regulus, still wearing his serious expression.

"Very," James replied, with a sad smile.

He rubbed his eyes wearily and stared back at Sirius' younger brother.

"Right, here's what we do, Reg," he said eventually, sitting down again, and handing Regulus a piece of parchment. "Explain to your parents that I am head boy, and you will have to talk to me and have dealings with me and with Remus, and that if we mention Sirius, you certainly won't ask questions or ask after him."

"I can do that," Regulus said stiffly, beginning to write. "I think they would wish to be informed. They know I am trustworthy."

James sighed and nodded.

"I'll leave you to it. I'd love to send them a fucking massive howler, but I don't think it would help anyone except me," he said.

"It was you. You were the Honourable Slytherin, weren't you?" he suddenly said, turning back to look at Regulus.

"No, I wasn't," Regulus said. "I would never write anything like that."

"I didn't mention any writing. You're a very bad liar Regulus," said James, looking at him with a mixture of concern and respect. "I won't tell anyone. Look, hypothetically speaking, if you had sent Remus that warning, I would be extremely grateful. I would also hypothetically tell you to be extremely careful and probably warn you not to do anything like that again. Too dangerous, alright?"

….

"I can never talk to him again?"

Tears spilled down Sirius' cheeks as he spoke, and he wipe them hastily with his shirt sleeve.

"Afraid not, old thing," said James, his voice trembling slightly.

"We can't even write to each other?"

The heartbreak in his voice and in his grey eyes were too much for Remus, pale beside him.

James shook his head.

"If there was anything I could do to fix it Pads, I swear, I'd do anything," he said gruffly, not trusting himself to say more.

Sirius was clutching his schoolbag tightly. He blinked a few times, chin up to stop more traitorous tears from falling. He gave a stiff nod and stood up, looking out of the carriage window so the others couldn't see him.

"I should never have left," he said after a long pause.

"You had to leave, you had no choice, Pads!" said James, sounding outraged.

"No. I should have stayed, should have gone back after I patched myself up. Apologised and got on with it. I should never have left my brother with those bastards on his own!"

"Bollox!" said James furiously, taking a step towards Sirius. "They fucking tortured you! If you had stayed they would have forced you to join the Death Eaters or killed you if you refused!"

"So be it!" replied Sirius grimly, grey eyes stormy now. "I should have agreed to join Voldemort. I could have infiltrated them!"

"Voldemort is a fucking legilimens!" said James, shuddering involuntarily. "He would have found you out the minute you arrived!"

"Fine! At least I'd be dead and taken a load of them with me!" shouted Sirius, looking distraught. "And Reg would be safe! Merlin knows what else he's been forced into! For all I know, Reg is now a murderer, and it's my fault! I should never have left him! I abandoned him, James, my little brother! You should never have taken me in! You should have sent me back, my parents were right, I deserved what I got!"

"Stop, please!"

Sirius immediately turned to Remus.

"You're hurt?" he asked gently, taking in the look of pain on his boyfriend's face. "What happened? It's not for another two weeks, is it?"

He glanced outside the window reflexively, in case he had miscalculated the date of the next full moon.

Remus refused to answer him.

"Prongs, could you..?" asked Sirius, biting his lower lip.

James nodded curtly and stopped by the door.

"He wouldn't have left, Pads. I asked him," he said quietly. "After the whole Malum thing. I asked him to move in with us, explained we'd keep him safe at home, and in Hogwarts we'd house him in our dorm or else ask permission to take over a dorm in Slytherin to keep him safe."

"What the fuck?" said Sirius.

James waved his arm dismissively.

"I hadn't worked out the details, but even if it meant fucking getting kicked out of Gryffindor, it would have been well worth it. Complicated, obviously, but it's not like we haven't mastered more complicated shit, right?" said James, with a small grin in Remus' direction.

"And?" asked Remus quietly.

"Not a runner," said James. "He told me that would be betraying his family, and letting his parents down, and he would never do either of those things. He said what you did was wrong, and traitors deserved to be expelled from the family. He said we were both blood traitors. I'm sorry."

Sirius gulped and inclined his head slightly.

"I see," he whispered. "Thanks for…"

"Don't even," James said, words failing him, as he stepped over and engulfed Sirius in a bear hug.

As he closed the carriage door softly behind him, all James could think about was the need to see Lily, to hold her close, in his arms. Even without having to say anything, he knew he would feel better. He would have kept this to himself last year, not wanting to upset and worry his friends. Now he had someone else to share his worries, as important to him as the Marauders. Someone who listened without judgement, someone who understood him, whose opinion he trusted, in fact, someone he trusted with his life. Lily Evans, fast becoming his best friend, his lover, his lighthouse.

…

"You're angry with me, aren't you?" said Sirius, looking at Remus' clenched jaw.

"Angry?" Remus replied, moving closer to him.

Was it anger? Was it not physical pain at the thought that Sirius seemed to think his life held little value? Carelessly talking about himself dying as though it were nothing to mourn? As though his soul wouldn't rip itself apart if anything happened to Sirius? Was that fear not so great that it warned his heart not to love this boy more, in case he broke it?

"Of course I'm angry," he said, grasping Sirius' shirt and pushing him into the door, his lips hovering close, his breath rapid. "You fucking idiot."

"I'm sorry," Sirius murmured, sighing into his boyfriend's lips, his silky hair falling over his eyes.

"Show me how sorry you are," said Remus.

His voice was low and stern and full of longing, and unvoiced emotions.

Sirius moaned something incoherent as the kissed passionately. Soft thuds against the door, breathless sighing of each others' names.

…

They stood outside the door listening, the glass panel on the door had been magically rendered opaque, but they could still see the outline of two boys, one dark haired and one fair haired.

"Sickening, isn't it?" whispered Carrow.

"Disgusting creature. It's clear he has no interest, that he's using that pathetic half-blood to get back at his parents, doing precisely what he knows will humiliate them, drive them insane," said Rosier.

"Revolting. Walburga and Orion Black don't deserve it. And that sickly vile thing with scars across his face, who the fuck does he think he is, believing he's good enough to be with one of us, to be with a Black? It's infuriating," said Carrow.

"I think we need to step in and give Black a taste of his own medicine, what say you?" said Rosier.

"Oh I'm in, most definitely in!" said Carrow, smiling widely.

Notes:

This is a bit late, work has been obscenely busy and so has home... writing this is such escapism from life (one thing after another) ... would love to hear what you think... thank you so much to all of you who are so supportive and write such kind comments. It cheers me up so much, and keeps me writing ;D


	28. Soulmates

_**This has always been my headcanon about how James and Lily found out about their matching patronuses (I prefer Patroni, but anyway, that's wrong apparently!)**_

 _ **Warning: homophobia referenced**_ __

Chapter 28: Soul Mates

"Evans, can you please deflate his head a bit?" said Sirius, tucking into his scrambled eggs with gusto. "He's being annoying!"

"I can certainly try, but I can't guarantee he'll be any less annoying," Lily answered, sending a playful wink in James' direction.

"Oi! You lot! I'm actually here?" James said, pretending to be cross, swiping Lily's piece of toast and holding it next to his mouth.

"Yes, unfortunately," said Peter dryly, causing Sirius to snort into his coffee.

"You wouldn't!" Lily said, looking aghast, and trying not to laugh as she elbowed James sharply.

He raised his eyebrows and stuffed the toast into his mouth in one go.

"You are gross, James Potter!" she said, pursing her lips to stop herself from giggling. "And you've got jam on your chin now!"

She placed her index finger on his jaw and wiped it gently.

"There," she said briskly, sucking it clean and holding his gaze.

"You do realise you're flirting with me, Evans?" said James, smiling happily, his hand reaching up to hold hers.

"Look at him, love-struck idiot, he's going to get a cramp from all the grinning he's doing!" laughed Sirius.

"Don't think I haven't spotted you holding Remus' hand under the table this entire time," shot back James. "And rubbing his thigh!"

He smirked conspiratorially at Peter.

"Ewww!" said Peter. "TMI, Prongs, TMI!"

"That's hardly TMI, Wormy, if you really want to hear TMI, wait till I tell you-" began James, gesturing dramatically.

Remus smiled to himself. He wanted to hold onto to these memories, remember the happy times in Hogwarts. This was as happy as he had ever felt in all his seven years there. He had always done that, stored away precious moments with his friends, always expecting that things would change for the worse when he left school. But this moment was perfect.

"Have you heard who's replacing Dearborn as DADA professor?" Peter said, in between mouthfuls of bacon and eggs.

"Dunno," said Sirius, his mood shifting.

He scowled over at a particular section of the Slytherin table and sighed heavily.

"I think he's staying on for a while till Dumbledore manages to replace him, but he's officially handed in his resignation," said Remus.

"I heard that he resigned because he wanted to take up his Auror post, but there's been a delay because they don't think he's fit enough to fight yet," James said, glancing at Dearborn as he spoke.

The ex-Auror looked grim and silent, refusing to engage in conversation with Flitwick, which was unusual as the two got on very well.

"I'm glad he's staying for the moment," said Emmeline. "He's the best DADA professor we've ever had."

Lily was about to reply when her attention was diverted by the arrival of the morning owl post. As the owls swooped in, Sirius' hands fisted and his face went pale. Remus squeezed Sirius' hand as he recognised one of the Black family owls nose-diving towards Sirius.

"Once more onto the breach…" Sirius muttered under his breath, flinching slightly as the bird practically flew at him.

"Fuck them!" said Remus, his eyes narrow as he waited until the letter fell from the bird's beak at the last minute and aimed a blasting spell at it.

The howler burst open as Remus' spell shot towards it.

"HOW DARE YOU PRETEND TO BE GAY TO RUIN OUR REPUTATION, YOU DISGUST-"

Walburga's screams echoed momentarily.

The howler exploded loudly as three spells hit it at once, James and Lily's wands out too.

"What is the meaning of this?" said Professor Mc Gonagall, who had reached the Gryffindor table by now and was looking flustered.

"Professor, the howler was homophobic," said Peter, looking to his friends and hoping he would get a good reaction.

"It absolutely was, Wormy," said James smiling at him in such a fond manner that Peter blushed slightly, and almost felt guilty.

"Oh," Mc Gonagall stood undecided, looking from Sirius to his friends.

"He's been getting them on and off since the start of term, Professor," said Remus, his low voice shaking slightly. "We've been trying to hex them as soon as they arrive but it's still…"

"Still awful," finished Lily, looking angry on his behalf. "I won't have those things read out in front of the entire school, Professor. It is not right!"

Mc Gonagall nodded. She looked harassed, Lily noticed, her hair was coming undone and her cloak was on inside-out. There was talk of late-night meetings between her and Dumbledore and other mysterious figures.

"Very well, Miss Evans," she replied. "I shall contact Mrs. Black."

She opened her mouth as if to say something more when another howler burst open at the Staff Table.

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOUR ARROGANCE, APPOINTING A MUDBLOOD AS THE HEAD GIRL. DUMBLEDORE, YOU ARE A DISGRACE! THIS IS OBSCENE! AN OUTRAGE! I DEMAND A-"

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Not another one," she said. "Really, they-"

"Fuck that!" Sirius said, his face contorted with rage.

He leapt up onto the table and aimed his wand at the howler.

"Confringo!" he shouted. "That'll shut you up, you bastards!"

The howler exploded with force, and all the professors were thrown backwards, many landing on the ground. The cutlery and tableware were blown outwards, bowls of cereal and porridge and cups of tea disintegrating mid-air. The entire school breathed in with shock and then began talking excitedly among themselves, some of the students sitting next to the staff table getting up to help those who had landed on the floor.

"Mr. Black!" Mc Gonagall's angry voice raised above the din.

"You fucking idiot, Pads!" James glared at him in shock. "Are you trying to get them all killed?"

Sirius' hands were raised to his cheeks and he seemed shell-shocked.

"Get down, old thing," said James, more quietly, grabbing hold of his hand and pulling him off the table. "Professor, he wasn't thinking, and I can't stand it either, those howlers are disgusting-"

"Quiet, Potter," said Minerva, stepping forwards. "I understand that, but Sirius, you need to calm down and rein in that temper, or there will be consequences that I cannot protect you from!"

Her voice was hushed but urgent, full of exasperation and concern.

"I'm going to have to give you detention, for the next week," she said.

Sirius frowned and nodded, his head held high as was his habit whenever he was chastised. Remus couldn't quite place the look in his eyes. He also knew that she was being very lenient with Sirius, compared to how she would treat another student in this situation. That was it, disappointment – Sirius wanted more detentions with Mc Gonagall, whether consciously or not, Remus guessed. It made sense to him, in Hogwarts Minnie was like a mother figure to Sirius – stern, yes, but completely trusted, blunt, honest, dependable, and underneath it all, so very kind to him.

"Let's go," said Lily soothingly, taking Sirius' arm and steering him towards the door, and away from all the stares and gossip. "You don't want to be late for Dearborn, he's teaching the Patronus Charm today."

…..

"Very well then, off you go. Miss Evans, no need for you to repeat this spell which we already know you used under exceptionally stressful circumstances," Dearborn said, giving her a proud smile. "You might try to help some of the other students for the moment?"

Lily nodded, she too felt proud when she thought about the beautiful doe Patronus that had burst out of her wand. She made her way over to some of the less able students, pausing as she passed James. She couldn't seem to keep her hands off James, could never pass him by without having to touch him, Snape thought in disgust, looking as she straightened his glasses and smiled cheekily at him.

"Don't worry James, I'm sure you'll get there eventually," she said.

It was a challenge. James' eyes lit up.

"Piece. Of. Cake," he said, brow furrowed with concentration. "Wait and see, Evans!"

"Take all the time you need, Potter," said Lily, grinning at him.

James rolled his eyes at her, a fond eye roll, and focused on a happy memory. There were so many to chose from. He thought of summer holidays with his parents in Italy, of the day they surprised Remus by becoming animagi, of their romps in the Forbidden Forest, of winning the Quidditch Trophy. Mostly though his thoughts went back to Lily - the day he had kissed Lily for the first time, the time they had kissed in the thunderstorm, in the sea, the stolen kisses outside classrooms or behind the suits of armour. Their long chats about nothing, about everything. Lily.

"Expecto Patronum!" he called, knowing it would work, feeling the powerful magic coursing through his veins and into his wand.

He watched in awe as a large stag emerged from the tip of his wand, his head moving slowly from side to side as though searching for something, someone, silver shimmers caught in the dusty sunlight. He walked regally over to where Lily stood, and bent his head down momentarily, one hoof pawing gently at the ground in front of her feet.

He saw Lily stare at the stag, transfixed, motionless. He gulped, his chest full of emotion that he couldn't place. He felt himself flush. And just as he was about to walk over to Lily, he heard a nasal voice behind him intoning the same incantation.

"Expecto Patronum!"

Bloody Snape, trust him to ruin the moment. He half turned, and his mouth fell open as he watched Snapes' Patronus approach his stag - a beautiful, self-assured, noble doe. The doe stopped in front of the stag. It tried to move sideways as though to side-step him and get to Lily. The stag looked confused, staring at the doe but refusing to move.

"The fuck?" stammered James.

"Hang on a minute, hold your fuck – I'm exceptionally annoyed about this, let me make this quite clear. Is he trying to copy me? What does this mean?" said Snape, who sounded even more horrified than James.

"Copy you?" snorted James. "I conjure my Patronus first and you accuse me of fucking copying you? Are you thick as well as annoying?"

"I think we all know that the all brawn and no brain title," began Snape.

"And can I just state for the record your Patronus is smaller than mine?" interrupted James.

Sirius and Peter exploded in a fit of giggles, Emmeline and Dorcas joining in.

Snape and James stared at each other with loathing.

"Hold on," said Dearborn, walking over and holding his hands up. "This is nothing to do with me!"

"What do matching Patronuses mean?" asked Peter, recalling Lily's Patronus from the Forbidden Forest, and trying not to laugh.

"I prefer the term Patroni myself," said Dearborn. "Er, well, in truth it means that the two people are, well, soulmates."

"Hang the fuck on there, Professor," said James, sounding outraged. "I am not soul-fucking-mates with Snivellus here! Ugh! No way. No. Fucking. Way."

"Oh yes, like that idea appeals to me any more than it does to you, Potter," sneered Snape, who was looking positively unwell.

"Nevertheless," shrugged Dearborn. "That is the truth."

"Over my dead body!" said James heatedly.

"By all means, I'd be quite happy to step over it," said Snape, a twisted smirk on his lips.

"Fuck you!" snarled Sirius, attempting to stand up as Remus grabbed hold of his cloak and held him back.

"For Merlin's sake, you're just giving him what he wants, Sirius!" hissed Remus. "He wants to drive you both demented!"

Sirius sank back down reluctantly, cursing under his breath.

"Professor, what does it mean if someone else has the exact same Patronus as yours?" Lily asked.

She was looking a bit shaken, James thought, as well she might… damn it all!

"Good question, Miss Evans," replied Dearborn, glad to divert attention away from whatever that was. "It's usually a sign that the second person is obsessively in love with the first. In an unhealthy manner. It's usually associated with narcissism, a sense of entitlement and wanting to control someone else."

"That fits," she said, glancing at Snape.

He had only started learning Legilimency that year, and he would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that at least in part, his motivation could be traced back to a certain red-head. A need to know how she really felt, about him, about Potter. He felt pity – the overwhelming emotion emanating from Lily was pity, some modicum of disgust, but mostly pity. Poor Severus. He flinched.

" Eh, Professor, seeing as Potter and I have managed this charm, is it alright if we go on a quick errand for Professor Mc Gonagall, Heads business?"

Dearborn shrugged and motioned to the door.

"What errand?" asked James as soon as they stepped outside the door.

"This errand!" she smiled, pulling him over to a hidden nook next to the transfiguration classroom.

James looked surprised, as though the very fact that Lily Evans wanted to kiss him was still somewhat alien to him. She pressed her hands against his chest till his back hit the wall, and then stood on her toes to reach up and run her hands through his hair.

"I love you, James," she said quietly, her lips capturing his lower lip delicately.

"I love you more, Lily Evans. What's this for?" he asked, his voice full of desire.

"For this," she said, beaming up at him.

She turned and pointed her wand down the corridor.

"Expecto Patronum!" she said, confident and joyful.

James stared spellbound at her Patronus, as it shimmered closer to him, nuzzling his outstretched hand.

"Soulmates," he whispered reverently, gently trying to sink his fingers into the doe's flank and finding air. "That can't be true, I don't deserve you."

"You heard what the man said, James. Soulmates," she confirmed, pulling him into a heated kiss.

"It doesn't scare you, does it?" she asked, pulling away somewhat breathlessly and looking at him solemnly.

Perhaps it was too much, too soon?

"Scare me?" he asked, his thumbs rubbing her cheeks as he held her face in his hands. "Nothing scares me when I'm with you, Lily Evans."

…..

"Too funny," said Peter gleefully, watching them leave. "James' reaction was priceless!"

"Yeah, I can't wait till he sees Lily's doe!" said Remus. "But I don't like what we just heard."

He looked at Snape who was sitting beside Carrow, scowling darkly. His frown only intensified when he spotted the Marauders looking at him.

"Damn right," said Sirius.

He got up and walked past the group of Slytherins giving them a filthy look.

"Yeah, I didn't like Snivellus' copycat Patronus," Sirius said loudly, glaring daggers at Snape. "Creepy as fuck."

Snape turned white and stared at him, his hands shaking.

"Get out!" Snape's face was twisted with cold rage.

"With pleasure," said Sirius curling his lip. "Better than staring at your ugly face!"

"And I always knew they were soulmates," he continued, turning away from Snape with a taunting smile. "I'm sure they'll end up Mr. & Mrs. Potter, don't you?"

"I'm sure he'll end up dead well before he gets the chance!" Snape's voice oozed disdain.

Carrow, Wilkes and their friends were laughing. Sirius saw red.

"Not if I get you first, you greasy piece of filth!" he said, advancing back towards where Snape stood.

"I don't think you stand much of a chance against the likes of us," Snape hissed.

"Calvario!" Sirius shouted, aiming his wand at Snape, and ducking dramatically as Snape aimed an unknown spell at him.

"Stop this at once, what the hell are you both playing at?" shouted Dearborn, who looked livid. "You two, detention for a week!"

"For fuck's sake Sirius, we need to go, before you get yourself expelled!" said Remus, furiously attempting to drag Sirius outside with Peter's help.

"Worth it though," said Sirius through gritted teeth, relishing Snape's bald head which gleamed in the sunlight.

…..

It was the day after the full moon, September 17th, and Remus had insisted he go to class despite only sleeping for about two hours. He felt exhausted, physically and mentally. It wasn't just the transformation, which was always physically gruelling. He had actually enjoyed their night of hurtling through the dark forest floor, chasing each other, picking up mysterious trails and scents, exhilarating. No, it was also because he was worried about Sirius, worried that he was going to get badly hurt, or hurt someone, or get expelled. He was so easily goaded. He had no impulse control this year, as though he was permanently in fight or flight mode. And yet, he made him so happy. Sirius, who had looked after him so carefully after their night in the Forbidden Forest, had bandaged up the cuts and bruises so delicately, kissed his old scars softly, whispering tender words to him, more healing than a roomful of Madame Pomfrey's ointments.

"Dearest, you really need to be more careful," Sirius had whispered to him that morning, muttering a healing spell over the cut on his thigh, and softly caressing the skin beside it.

"How do you propose I do that, exactly?" he had croaked back, his voice sounding dry and rough, but with a wry grin on his tired face.

"I dunno… just, well, you know… damn it!" Sirius had muttered unhelpfully, scanning his tired body for any other damage. "Just don't get hurt, alright?"

He had laughed lightly, reaching for Sirius' hand and bringing it up slowly to his lips, kissing it. Gently, lovingly.

"What's that for?" Sirius had asked, his eyes wide with adoration.

"Pads, please, be careful," he had whispered back. "Don't let them get to you."

Sirius had sighed and nodded.

"I'll try, Moony, but they get under my skin, they drive me mad! I feel I'm on… duty, or something, all the time?"

"Guard dog," murmured Remus, smiling again.

"Laugh at me all you like, Moony," Sirius had said, folding his arms stubbornly.

"I'm not, Pads, come here."

He had pulled Sirius over for an achingly tender kiss.

"I'm supposed to be healing you, not the other way around," Sirius had sighed into him, breathless and unashamedly romantic.

"You already have," Remus had said, hoping that Sirius realised how much he cared for him without having to hear the words he was too scared to say. I love you.

…..

He closed his eyes and felt his head drop. He was so tired. Professor Binns' voice droned on in the background, growing more distant. His own breathing felt heavier. His bones ached. His spine hurt. He just needed to sleep. Maybe he should have stayed in the infirmary a while longer.

I must find Benjy Fenwick and kiss him. Snog him senseless.

Remus opened his eyes wearily and blinked. He shook his head in disbelief and pushed the thought away. What on earth had gotten into him? That was ridiculous! Benjy was quite a nice-looking bloke, but he had never found him particularly attractive. His eyes drifted back to the History textbook in front of him. A floating sensation was spreading up his spine, making him feel incredibly relaxed, his thoughts becoming fragmented. Only a small voice at the back of his head rang alarm bells, telling him not to agree to this. Remus looked around the class. He spotted Snape smirking malevolently at him. Snape knew yesterday was the full moon. Remus sighed and turned back. He hated that Snape knew.

I must find Benjy Fenwick and kiss him. Snog him senseless. Now. Stop resisting.

"What the fuck!" he whispered to himself, his hoarse voice sounding too loud.

"Are you alright, Mr. Lupin?" Professor Binns asked, his squeaky high voice surprising the entire class.

Remus nodded his head, finding himself unable to speak.

Professor Binns stared at him and blinked.

"You don't look well, Mr. Lupin, not well at all. Perhaps a splash of cold water might help and a small break?"

"Do you want me to go with him, Sir?" Sirius immediately asked, earning himself a few "awws" and "sweet" from the rest of the class.

Remus shook his head, he hated people feeling sorry for him. He failed to register Sirius' disappointed and worried face. He made his way slowly to the male bathrooms down the corridor and leaned over the sink, splashing cold water on his face. His surroundings seemed dreamlike. No, he said to himself fiercely, I'm not doing it. This is madness. He gripped the sides of the sink with all his remaining strength and refused to move.

The door behind him creaked open. Before he could turn he felt the same warm sensation hit his body, spreading outwards from his right shoulder, every thought and worry being wiped away, leaving him with a vague, relaxed contentment.

Go to the end of the corridor, Benjy is waiting for you under the portrait of Rowena Ravenclaw. Kiss him. Go.

It was useless to fight it, now it had spread over his entire body. He walked out of the bathroom in a daze, only dimly aware of Carrow leaning against the door, watching him with a cruel smile. He saw Benjy standing under the painting, looking puzzled, re-reading a crumpled piece of paper.

He walked right up to Benjy, millimetres from his face.

"Hi," said Benjy, nervously clearing his throat. "I got your message. I was a bit surprised, I thought you and-"

"I'm going to kiss you," said Remus, leaning towards him.

"Are you sure? You seem-" Benjy asked.

He had liked Remus for ages. He couldn't believe it. Only the other day he had been teased for agreeing with a Hufflepuff classmate that Remus was the best-looking bloke in the year. He was sure a few people had overheard him, embarrassingly, but now it looked like Remus felt the same.

"Kiss me!" said Remus, his voice sounding harsh and unusual to Benjy.

…..

"Excuse me, Professor Binns, I need to borrow Potter for a moment, a message from Professor Dumbledore."

James turned around and caught the worried look on Rosie's face.

"Of course," he said immediately, getting up and slinging his bag over his shoulder. "I'll be back in a second, Sir."

"Lupin," she said immediately, as soon as the door shut behind them.

"Fucking hell," said James, looking tense. "I knew he looked like shit! Where is he?"

"That's the thing," muttered Rosie, as she raced along the corridor with James. "He's not himself…"

"What do you mean?" asked James, alarmed.

Unlikely scenarios involving calendars with two full moons in a row loomed in his imagination.

"Look!" Rosie said.

James breathed in sharply. Underneath the portrait of Rowena Ravenclaw, in the busiest part of the staircase, surrounded by a large crowd of gawking students, Remus Lupin was kissing Benjy Fenwick.

Boy was he snogging him.

More than snogging, to be brutally honest.

"Where is he? Is he alright?" said Sirius' anxious voice behind them.

James snapped around and tried to block the view.

"Er, Pads, I don't think now would be-"

"Let me through," growled Sirius. "I want to see if he's alright, damn it!"

He pushed past James and jerked to a standstill right in front of the kissing couple.

"Remus!" he choked out, staring incredulously at them.

"Shit!" stuttered Benjy, trying to pull away from Remus. "I knew this was too good to be true! Have you two had a fight or something? Are you using me?"

He was scarlet faced now that he had spotted the curious onlookers, his eyes jumping from Sirius to Remus in agitation.

"No, I wanted to kiss you," said Remus, his voice sounded flat and heavy. "I needed to."

"Carrow, what are you doing with your wand out?" interrupted Rosie sharply.

She had spotted the boy with his wand discretely pointing at Remus.

"Nothing, Little Miss Prefect!" said Carrow, with faux innocence. "I was getting ready to diffuse the situation in case Black gets violent."

"I don't think he likes being cheated on, do you, Black?" said Snape in a sneering tone.

James bit his lip as he saw the blood drain from Sirius' face.

"Stupefy!" Rosie said, pointing her wand at Remus, who promptly slumped down to the floor in a heap.

"Rosie, what the hell? Remus!" said Benjy sharply, trying to lift him up. "Are you okay?"

"Ennervate!" said Rosie. "I had to do something, in case they had cast some sort of a spell on him? I wouldn't put anything past them!"

She pocketed her wand and bent down to look at Remus.

Remus stirred slowly, as blurred faces swam into focus. He tried to stand up, swaying unsteadily and reached out to Benjy to stop himself from falling over.

"What happened?" he asked Benjy groggily.

"You don't remember?" said Benjy, looking concerned.

"Of course not," said Carrow, the sarcasm in his voice evident. "Now that he's been caught cheating, of course he can't remember, poor innocent Lupin!"

"And you all thought Lupin was such a nice boy," said Snape, smiling at Remus in a knowing fashion. "Well, I had heard gossip that he has some, shall we say, rather… animalistic urges, which he finds hard to control."

Remus' eyes widened with shock as he started to recall his actions.

"This can't be happening!" he gasped weakly.

He looked at Sirius and saw the hurt and betrayal in his eyes.

"Pads!" he said desperately, taking a step towards him. "I swear I…"

How could he explain what had happened? How could he say it wasn't his fault?

"I didn't want to," he whispered, his voice breaking with emotion.

"You'll forgive me if I don't quite believe that, Lupin, you looked to me like you were rather enjoying it," said Sirius, the muscles in his jaw twitching momentarily.

It was what Sirius looked like whenever he faced Grimmauld Place, Remus thought, overcome with guilt. Sirius with his pale face, hollow eyes, straight back, fisted hands, bracing himself for pain, fighting for control of his emotions.

"Sirius," said Remus.

His lip was trembling, he couldn't cry, in front of everyone.

"If you had told me you were tired of me, I would have let you go," Sirius said, his voice so quiet he had to strain to hear him.

His voice sounded distant and so vulnerable.

"Sirius, please!"

Sirius turned and walked away, straight-backed as he ignored the sneering jibes from some of the other students, Carrow and Snape included.

"Very public humiliation, poor old Black, how frightful!" said Carrow, just as Sirius walked by.

"I hear this isn't the first time that creature cheated on him, he's probably used to it by now," Snape drawled.

James, Rosie and Benjy stood by helplessly, as one by one the other students left, the corridor buzzing with their conversation about the unexpected drama.

"Moony?"

James was looking at him with confusion, his hazel eyes filled with worry.

"Don't," Remus said, unable to look him in the eye.

"Remus, I'm sorry," said Benjy, full of concern.

"None of this is your fault, Benjy, I promise you," Remus' voice shook.

"Remus, are you alright-" began Rosie.

"Just go, please," Remus pleaded, feeling himself falling apart and not wanting anyone to witness it.

He turned away from them, waiting for their footsteps to fade.

"Oh gods, what have I done?" Remus' hand covered his mouth, tears running down his cheeks. "What have I done?"

He slumped against the wall and slid to the floor, his broken sobs echoing down the ancient corridor.

 **I'd love to hear from you about what you thought about that chapter, and thanks so much to those of you who are so very kind and leave messages, I love reading them!**


	29. Chapter 29: Friends and Enemies

**Summary:**

 **Previous chapter: Carrow and Snape used the Imperius Curse to force Remus to cheat on Sirius...**

 **This chapter: in which they all fight...**

Notes:

Happy Birthday Raissa! I'm sorry this is a bit late, I was so busy I didn't get to finish it any earlier. You're amazing and lovely and you should all check out her fics (Raissassampaio on ao3 and raissassampaio on tumblr) !

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter 29: Friends and Enemies

"This can't go on," said James vehemently, folding his arms and staring down the hall.

"Looks like it will though," said Lily.

She sighed with exasperation. Down one end of the Gryffindor table sat Remus Lupin. On his own, his head bowed as he ate his breakfast listlessly, one mouthful after another.

"He looks like shit," said James, following her gaze.

"Poor Remus," said Lily. "I can't bear seeing them both looking so miserable!"

They both turned to look at Sirius, who sat at the opposite end of the table, talking with some of his Gryffindor classmates. To anyone else he seemed happy, uproariously so – loud, attention-seeking, giddy. Flirting unabashedly with Colm Doyle, a handsome sixth year who was all over him. But James and Lily knew him too well – the fake edge to his slightly manic laugh, the lack of warmth, the dullness in his eyes. He had snogged eight students in as many days. He hadn't returned to his dorm on three of the nights. Seeing Sirius' empty bed had made Remus feel wretched and so empty, the tightness in his chest unbearable.

"Look at his eyes, Remus," Lily had said, giving his shoulder a tight squeeze. "He's not happy. It's all an act. Talk to him?"

"I can't," Remus had replied, his voice trembling. "I don't know what to say. I haven't forgiven myself, why should I expect him to?"

He hadn't been able to meet Sirius' eyes since the incident with Benjy. He didn't think he ever could. Poor Benjy, he had been so kind and so remorseful, as though any of this was his fault.

"They're both idiots," said Peter, gulping down the last of his pumpkin juice." There's no way Remus would have picked that spot to pull anyone. He's the opposite of an exhibitionist. And he's not stupid."

"Apart from when it comes to Padfoot," added James drily.

"I said that all along, Peter!" said Lily, gratefully. "I just don't know how we go about proving that someone put a spell on Remus?"

"We bloody know who that someone was," said James, scowling darkly at the Slytherin table.

Lily nodded, squeezing his hand tightly. From talking to Remus, what little information she had managed to gleam from him, she thought someone else might be involved too. Someone who she had the best chance of extracting information from. She hadn't spoken to James about her hunch.

"I'm going to go and have it out with him, once and for all," said James, standing up.

"Good idea," she answered, staring at Severus Snape. "Be careful."

James stooped to tenderly kiss the top of her head, then walked over to the Slytherin table where Snape, Wilkes and Carrow sat, sniggering as they watched a group of witches at the Hufflepuff table, hands in front of their mouths as they spoke.

"Carrow, I'd like a word with you," James announced as he neared the table.

"Potter," Carrow sneered, moving his fork around his plate in distaste. "I prefer not to? Puts me off my food, having to interact with blood-traitors."

Wilkes laughed nervously, as James felt a spasm cross his forehead.

Merlin, how he despised those three, James thought, he just wanted to punch them all in the face.

Almost immediately he saw Snape move his chair backwards.

"Outside, Carrow, now," warned James, leaning towards Carrow threateningly. "Unless you want to involve Dumbledore in this?"

"What's this about, Potter?" said Carrow, with a haughty air.

"This is about you potentially getting expelled for using dark magic on other students, Carrow," said James.

Carrow dropped his knife and fork onto the table petulantly.

"They can't expel me, my father is on the Board of Management," he said confidently. "You're pathetic!"

"You're an arse, but that's irrelevant," James replied, taking out his wand and pointing it at Carrow in full view of the entire room.

Snape pulled his seat backwards again. Carrow sighed indignantly and threw his napkin onto his plate.

"You lack manners, Potter," he said, nervously glancing around to ensure Dumbledore wasn't looking. "You could have waited till Supper was over?"

"You've no balls, Carrow," replied James, twirling his wand impatiently. "I know which I prefer."

….

"We know what you did to Remus," he said bluntly, glaring at Carrow in an intimidating manner.

Carrow loosened his tie, his eye twitching unconsciously.

"No you don't," he began.

"Stop lying, for fuck's sake, we know," interrupted James.

Carrow said nothing.

"Alright, let me be straight with you Carrow," said James, moving towards him slowly. "We're getting our hands on some illegal Veritaserum soon. Very soon. You have seventy-two hours to cough up and admit what you did to Remus and Sirius, or you'll be forced to tell them anyway, but in front of Mc Gonagall too. Am I making myself clear?"

He was standing over Carrow now, lifting him up by the scruff of the neck, his feet dangling in the air.

"Yes, very clear, Potter," squeaked Carrow's voice, which had become unusually high-pitched.

He was looking at James in shock. Even when James and Sirius had engaged in childish prank wars against them, he had never once been frightened of Potter. Until now. James' eyes gleamed.

"Surprised?" James scoffed quietly. "Which bit of Marauders makes you think I wouldn't be happy to break a fuckload of rules? Do you think just because I'm Head Boy I'd let you get away with this? Nobody messes with my friends and gets away with it? Do you understand?"

He was tall, with broad shoulders, and the muscles in his upper arms seemed to be ready to burst through his shirt. He let go of Carrow suddenly, as though disgusted by the mere existence of him, and Carrow went flying backwards, landing on the ground.

"You can tell your little Death-Eater friends, in case they aren't aware, that it's not worth going after the Marauders, because you won't like my response. Got that?" he said, his voice deadly quiet.

Carrow blinked rapidly.

"Seventy-two hours, Carrow," repeated James.

He turned and headed for the door. At the last minute he spotted a hex coming at him from behind. He jumped up, pushing his legs firmly against the wall and flipping somersault mid-air. As he spun, deftly avoiding the curse from Carrow's wand, he hurled one back with exact precision.

"Expelliarmus!" he said.

Carrow's wand flew through the air, and by the time he had landed back on his feet, the wand was in his hand.

"I thought you were just an arse, but that was jolly daft, Carrow," he said lightly, pocketing both wands. "Seventy-two hours. And your wand back if you own up."

Carrow did not answer, feeling exposed without his wand and frightened. He slinked back against the wall.

"Oh relax, I'm not going to attack you when you've no wand, we're not all bastards like you lot, even when you deserve it," James said, looking down at him with scorn.

"We'll see who's laughing when the Dark Lord is in power," Carrow muttered the words behind James' back.

They didn't know what curse Snape and he had used, he was sure of it.

…

"Severus?"

"Oh goodie, your ex-girlfriend, Severus," drawled Wilkes, eying Lily distastefully. "You best talk to her or she'll deduct points!"

Lily ignored him and continued looking at Snape. Snape stared back at her feeling slightly sick.

"I'll catch up with you in a moment," he turned to Wilkes, his voice stony.

"If you must," replied Carrow, looking at Lily once more and rolling his eyes in disgust.

Lily waited till they were alone. She beckoned him into the DADA classroom. When she turned, she caught him surreptitiously trying to hide his wand as he mumbled something under his breath.

"Severus," she sighed. "I'm not stupid, I felt the twinge in my forehead and saw your wand. Stop trying to read my mind, or I'm not talking to you!"

"I wasn't," he began, stopping short and staring at the ground in embarrassment.

"Don't lie!" said Lily, who was beginning to lose patience with him. "I don't need to practice Legilimency to know when you're making things up! Do you think that after being your best friend for five years I can't tell when you're lying? When you lie to me, your eyes dart to the side and look upwards and you can't look me in the eye. And you sometimes fix your collar."

Severus looked at her in shocked silence.

"Have you been learning Legilimency?" he said.

"Have you?" she replied coldly.

She heard him murmur a spell and the twitching sensation on her forehead stilled. Severus folded his arms defensively. He hated lying to Lily, but she never understood when he tried to explain his rationale for engaging in such activities.

Brushing aside her wish to scream at him and walk out of the room, Lily sat down at one of the desks and motioned for Severus to do likewise.

"What's this about, anyway?" he asked warily, looking around anxiously as if expecting someone else.

"You know what it's about," she replied calmly, looking him straight in the eyes.

He shouldn't have looked into her eyes. Those bright emerald eyes that entranced him so much. Not when he was desperately in love with her. Not when he was so useless at thinking straight when she looked at him like this.

"What did you do to Remus?" she asked.

"Lupin? That pathetic, disgusting," he started.

"Don't talk like that about my friends!" she said.

Her eyes were burning with anger.

"Oh you and your precious new friends, the Marauders," sneered Snape. "I'm not allowed be mean to them, am I not? What about all the times they were mean to me?"

"You really want to play that game, Severus?" she said. "Want me to bring up all the times you and your friends picked on other students, specifically muggle-borns, like me? Want me to remind you what Mulciber did to Mary that time? Or remind you of the dark spells you invented and the pathetic excuses you gave me? Or the fact that your friends kidnapped and tortured James and me a few months ago?"

She was mad at herself, feeling the tears forming in her eyes, her voice catching.

"I didn't do anything, I wasn't aware," said Severus, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

"At least you look guilty and upset, for once," muttered Lily, blinking rapidly. "Look, please, can you just admit you were involved and apologise? They're both so unhappy now."

"Apologise?" said Severus stiffly, staring at her in horror. "I will never apologise to those two bastards. Ever!"

"What did Remus ever do to you?" said Lily angrily.

"Oh poor thing, he only tried to kill me once, that's all!" shouted Severus angrily. "And poor Black, innocent little thing – he tried to fucking kill me too! You really believe that they're innocent in all this?"

He leaned forward, seething, his bony hands gripping the side of the desk.

"You always do that when you're mad," said Lily quietly, watching his hands. "You always blame others and never admit your part in it, your mistakes."

"I'm not about to sit here and listen to your bullshit!" said Severus, his lip curled in disgust as he stood up abruptly.

"You used a curse similar to Imperius, maybe a milder version, I'm certain!" Lily said, standing up and confronting Severus. "I looked up the symptoms, I'm not stupid! I swear to Merlin, if you don't tell them you were involved, I'll tell Mc Gonagall, and she can investigate it fully!"

"You wouldn't dare!" he said, looking at her in dismay.

"I don't want to, Severus, but I will if I have to!" she said sternly, her eyes filling up again.

"You're a bitch!" he snarled. "I can't believe you'd do that to me! You were supposed to be my friend!"

"Tell them you were involved then," Lily's voice cracked.

She looked so beautiful at that moment, her eyes so bright and he couldn't bear the thought of not talking to her for months, years possibly.

"I tell you what, Lily," said Severus, still gripping the desk, looking at her with his dark eyes. "I'll do that, if you promise to meet me once a week, from now on, to talk."

"Severus," said Lily, holding the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"Take it or leave it, Lily," he said. "Final offer. Every week for an hour."

"Ugh!" Lily sitting down wearily in her chair. "I'll meet you four times, Severus, and you tell them you bewitched Remus and apologise."

"I'll have to discuss it with Carrow," muttered Snape. "Give me twenty-four hours."

He got up to leave, dizzy with excitement. It was going to be tricky, trying to meet Lily and get away with it. Without his so-called friends finding out. But it was worth it. Maybe he could persuade her to join him, join them? Maybe he could get her to see that Potter was filth, and she deserved better than him? She had listened to him in the old days, taken his opinion seriously.

"Severus!" Lily called out, as he was leaving the room.

He turned hopefully and met her large green eyes.

"You were supposed to be my friend."

He flinched, lowering his gaze. He couldn't bring himself to look at her again. He stood helplessly beside the door, then abruptly walked out.

Lily stared after him, silent tears running down her face.

"Sev, what have you become?"

….

"Oh look, poor Black, all sad and lonely without Lupin - his angsty, lanky, ugly-" said Wilkes.

"Shut up," hissed Sirius, his wand out in a fraction of a second.

He hadn't been paying attention, walking down the dark passage towards Gryffindor Tower at that time of the day, without the Map. As though subconsciously he welcomed putting himself in harm's way.

Playing Russian Roulette, the Muggle Studies Professor had said to him on a number of occasions.

Apt.

Or any excuse to lash out and get himself expelled, before someone else asked him to leave. He remained convinced something bad was going to happen his year, something involving his family, and Merlin, his fucking nerves were in shreds as it was. Without losing Remus on top of it. He had done nothing but feel sorry for himself (like an idiot) until that afternoon, when James and Lily had cornered him in the Gryffindor common room.

…..

"Pads," James had said, patting the couch beside him. "Sit."

"I'm not a fucking…" he bristled.

"Well, technically you are…" James raised his eyebrows.

He sighed dramatically and flopped onto the couch with a lethargic moan.

"You've got to talk to him, Pads," James said firmly. "You've left it too long."

"Why should I talk to him?" he said, pouting at James defensively. "If anything, he should be fucking apologising to me!"

"Because we all know that wasn't Remus. He would never do that to you. He's completely mad about you. He's also not fucking stupid, and groping Fenwick in the middle of the busiest corridor at the busiest time of the day is frankly not him! And he's hardly spoken to Fenwick since," said James, with a stern look.

"So what, you think someone made him do it?" said Sirius, crossing his arms and hugging himself tightly.

"Yes I do, Pads," said James, taking off his glasses and wiping the lenses with his shirt.

"Well I would have been able to stop myself!" Sirius' voice rose as he looked agitatedly at James and then at Lily who stood beside the fireplace warming her hands.

"Oh yes – you, Sirius Orion Black, would have been able to withstand the spell despite having had two hours sleep? Despite breaking and remodelling a fuckload of bones, and dislocating all your joints and tearing muscle fibres on your arms, legs and back? Despite us being pretty sure that they used a milder version of the Imperius Curse on him? By all means, Sirius, you keep telling yourself that."

Sirius looked at James and his eyes widened. He'd forgotten it was the day after the full moon. Had They picked that day on purpose? Who were They?

"Shit," he muttered, looking down at the ground.

"Is there anything else you wanted to say?" James said.

Sirius muttered under his breath.

"And this ending up with different chaps every evening has to stop, it's not fair on you or them, it doesn't help, Pads, it just makes you feel guilty."

"You're a prick!" he said half-heartedly, carefully removing the pills on his school jumper.

"You're probably right," said James, looking over at Lily with the beginnings of a smile.

"I hate you," he added, still avoiding eye contact.

"I know," said James serenely, giving him a small pat on the back.

"Sirius," said Lily quietly, bending down on her hunkers and taking one of his hands. "You need to talk to him. He feels awful and he's blaming himself entirely, even though he admitted he had no idea who wrote the note Benjy received that morning. We checked it for spells and it wasn't his handwriting, Sirius."

"He blames himself?" he looked up slowly, meeting her eyes.

"He really does. He doesn't think you should get back together," Lily said.

"He doesn't?" Sirius' heart dropped.

"No, doesn't think he ever deserved you," Lily sighed.

"He's a tit if he thinks that!" he said hotly. "I fucking never deserved his friendship after everything that happened… and I sure as hell didn't deserve him as my boyfriend. Is he nuts?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders and smiled at him.

"He's Remus."

"He's fucking stupid," said Sirius, tapping his foot impatiently on the ground.

"You'll talk to him so?" Lily asked.

He looked at James and nodded.

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"Thanks old thing," said James, hugging him warmly.

"Get off," said Sirius, trying to sound grumpy.

He got up and headed for the door.

"You know, when my parents wanted me to do something, they'd yell at me and hex me," he said.

"What?" said James.

"I'm trying to say you'll make great parents one day, your kids will be lucky to have you," he flashed them his trademark dashing grin, and winked broadly.

"Merlin, Pads!" muttered James, completely thrown, his face bright red.

"Well, I agree, you'll make an excellent dad," said Lily, clearing her throat and trying to look nonplussed as she busied herself folding the tartan throw over the couch, hiding her pink cheeks.

"Bloody hell!" James' hand shot up into his hair as he stood staring at Lily's back. "So will you. I mean, not a dad, obviously. Hell, you know what I mean…"

Sirius snorted with laughter.

"Smooth, Prongs! And stop ogling Evans' arse!" piped up Sirius, sticking his head back into the room.

"What? I wasn't! Piss off!" James' wand flew into his hand and Sirius yelped and slammed the door after him, chuckling loudly.

…..

They. It was them, the three bastards standing in front of him – Wilkes, Carrow and Snivellus. He's been dying for an excuse to kick the shit out of Wilkes for months now. This seemed like the perfect opportunity.

"Fuck you!" he said advancing towards the three Slytherins with his wand extended.

"There, there," said Wilkes nervously, stepping backwards as he noted Sirius making a beeline for him.

All four had their wands ready for combat.

"You fucking bastards!" shouted Sirius. "You fucking cursed Remus, what the fuck has he ever done to you? How dare you go near him - you cowards, you disgusting cowardly fuckers!"

He wasn't sure whose wand shot out the first spell, but his own wand fairly exploded with the rage he channelled into his hex.

"Furunculus!"

Wilkes screamed as boils popped up all over his face, making it difficult for him to see properly.

Wilkes had dropped his wand, clutching his face. Sirius kicked the wand away from him and punched him hard in the stomach, grimly satisfied as he watched Wilkes fall backwards.

"Stupefy!" he said lazily, with an elegant twist of his wrist, and Wilkes' body relaxed into unconsciousness.

"Sectumsempra!" Snape said.

He felt liquid seep out from his side and absentmindedly lifted his hand up to see it covered in blood.

"Snivellus, you pathetic snake!" he jeered.

He hadn't noticed Carrow retrieve Wilkes' wand and just then, Carrow's spell hit his right thigh.

"Sectumsempra!"

Sirius glanced down - his shirt was turning red, his charcoal trousers seeping a darker tone. He felt lightheaded. With sudden clarity he realised what he was dealing with.

"You fool," hissed Snape, scowling anxiously at Carrow. "You shouldn't have done that – too much blood!"

"It's your blasted curse, Severus," said Carrow dismissively, as he advanced towards Sirius. "If the worst comes to the worst, we'll say it was an accident."

"I wouldn't put it past you to have used the Imperius on Remus!" Sirius said, astutely. "I could get you sent to Azkaban!"

He blocked the string of curses that Carrow aimed at him, his shields weaker as he felt his wand grow heavier. James. He needed James. Raising his wand with effort, he pictured Mia and Monty Potter standing next to James, all three of them smiling at him.

"Expecto Patronum!" he whispered urgently.

A large black dog jumped out from the tip of his wand and shimmered down the corridor.

Cursing under his breath, he aimed a Stupefy spell at Carrow, who fell onto the hard floor with a loud thud, blood oozing from his head.

Snape retreated hurriedly down the corridor.

"Snivellus!" Sirius called after him. "What's the counter-curse to your damned spell, you bastard!"

"I'm not feeling generous," Snape said between gritted teeth. "I don't respond well to rude requests from the likes of you, Black!"

"If you think I'm going to grovel, think again, you wanker!" shouted Sirius.

The contempt in his eyes faded as he lurched backwards trying to steady himself. He slipped on the blood at his feet, falling onto the stone pavement and hitting his left temple.

Snape swallowed nervously. Sirius was out cold. Sectumsempra had developed into a potentially lethal curse, far more dangerous than when he first used it against his enemies (James Potter, enemy number one) at the end of Fifth Year. He had been practising a spell to reverse it. He looked at Sirius.

"Vulnera Sanentur!"

He watched with relief as the wound closed over. He was chanting the same incantation over the leg wound when he heard a shout.

"Get away from him!" James screamed, racing down the corridor, his wand hitting him with a bright red jet that sent him hurtling into the wall of the corridor.

James fell at Sirius' feet, staring at the blood surrounding his brother, his heart hammering.

Severus was livid. Wilkes and Carrow were still unconscious.

"I was trying to heal him, you utter fool," said Snape, oozing disdain as he touched his bruised cheek gingerly.

"Fucking hell," muttered James, trying to understand why Sirius wasn't responsive. "I don't care what happened between you lot, just stop the blood!"

"Please!" he added, staring at Snape in distress. His eyes widened - none of the healing spells he uttered stemmed the bleeding from the curse. He flung his tie off and tied it quickly to Sirius' bleeding leg.

"Oh it's please now, is it?" said Snape in a low voice. "It's alright for Black to bully me mercilessly for years but for some reason I'm supposed to come to his aid now, am I? Just because James fucking Potter said so?"

"I … what?" said James in disbelief, as far as he was concerned Sirius was no more culpable than Snape when it came to hexing each other. "We can debate that another time, we've all done things we regret, just hurry up and stop the bleeding, damn it!"

"Are you forgetting that your vile friend here tried to have me murdered by a raving monster at the end of Fifth Year? How dare you compare my behaviour to his!"

He could see the hatred in Snape's eyes as he looked at Sirius. There was no compassion there.

"Shit," said James, feeling the knot in his stomach tighten. "I didn't mean that. What do you want me to say? I'm sorry, alright? I'm desperately sorry, Snape, what else do you want me to say? Tell me, please!"

He tried to stand up to go over to Snape and, just like Sirius before him, his foot slipped and he landed on his hands and knees in front of him. Snape looked down at him, his wand defensively pointed at James – he looked a mess, his hands and arms bloodied, his shirt half off, tears in his eyes.

"I want an apology from Black," said Snape.

He watched as rage and fear played on James' face.

"He's unconscious, Snape," he whispered. "I'm fucking sorry for everything, I'm desperately sorry, there's no excuse, it was wrong and we shouldn't have done it. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to beg for your forgiveness? I'm begging you, just please help him, before he's…"

He should have felt ecstatic, at the thought of his nemesis literally on his knees in front of him practically crying. He just felt empty and angry. And jealous. He would have done anything too, if he had Lily Evans.

"You don't deserve her," he said coldly.

"I… no, I don't," said James, desperately trying to placate him. "None of us do."

"You don't! Especially you! Never you!" Snape said, rage building in his eyes.

"I know I don't, I never will," said James, his voice cracking. "But she wouldn't want this, Snape, she won't forgive you if anything bad happens to Sirius."

"Don't presume to know her, you don't know her like I do, you know nothing about Lily Evans, nothing!" Snape shouted. "You make me sick!"

He couldn't stand listening to Potter's voice any more, not when deep down he knew that was exactly how Lily would react.

"Infectio Faucium!"

James clutched at his throat, feeling a strong metallic taste, he tried to speak but his throat felt too swollen, raw, blood and sputum mixing in his mouth as he gagged. Before he could react, he saw a tall figure approaching behind him, grab hold of Snape and hurl him down the corridor as though he were featherlight. Snape's wand flew out of his hand and bounced.

"Firstly, you're going to fix Sirius' leg. Secondly, you're going to fix James' throat. Thirdly, if you dare go near either of them again, or curse me again, you're dead."

James was staring at Remus in shock.

"You can't decide whether you're terrified of me or disgusted?" Remus said to Snape with a wry smile. "Don't like what you're hearing? Bite me!"

Sirius, who had regained consciousness and had been listening to the conversation for some time now, barked a weak laugh.

"Moony, you're too fucking perfect, you know that?"

Remus ignored him. He had reached Snape and hauled him up unceremoniously, pulling him towards his friends and shoving his wand into his shaking hand.

"Now!"

Snape muttered the appropriate spells rapidly and sat down shivering on the ground. He was going to be covered in bruises the next day and he wouldn't be surprised if he had broken a few ribs.

"Would any of you gentlemen care to give me a good expla-fucking-nation as to what is going on here?"

All four heads whipped round to where Lily stood, arms crossed in front of her, wand in her hand, looking furious.

"Sorry Evans, voice's gone," said James, giving her an apologetic smile.

He sounded completely hoarse and a dribble of blood was running down the side of his chin.

"Remus?" Lily asked, tearing her anxious eyes away from James' figure.

"It's simple, Lily," said Sirius, interrupting her with a half-smile. "I got into a spat with three of our lovely Death-Eater brethren, and Snivellus here won that round. He hasn't forgiven me cause due to my reckless behaviour, I nearly got him killed at the end of Fifth Year. That was entirely my fault."

"Do we have to drag this bloody thing up again?" croaked James, giving Sirius dagger eyes.

"I know what you're doing, you don't want Evans to think less of me than she already does?" said Sirius, cutting James off with an imperious wave of his hand. "Well, I prefer to tell you, Lily, than to pretend I'm not a fucked up, useless individual!"

"It was my fault he nearly died," Remus said, with a haunted look in his eyes.

"It was mine, you git!" interrupted Sirius lightly.

"Well it wasn't as though Snivellus was entirely blameless in this!" said James, his voice reduced to a whisper. "He goaded you, on purpose."

"Be that as it may," said Sirius, once more interrupting. "If it wasn't for your boyfriend, Evans, Snape would probably have kicked the bucket that night."

"Please can you just shut up," James cut across him looking uncomfortable.

"Nah, it's the damned truth, old chap!" said Sirius, looking pleased with himself. "Prongs here saved Snivellus' greasy arse that night!"

James let out an exasperated sound and shook his head. Snape looked livid.

"I knew that already, Sirius," said Lily, glancing at Remus.

"Oh your heroic fucking boyfriend told you, did he? Exaggerating his role, no doubt. I'd have died if it wasn't for him, or some such lie – is that what he told you?" sneered Snape.

"He did fucking save you, you little shit!" said Sirius, who looked like he wanted to kill Snape.

"He didn't tell me, actually," said Lily angrily, standing close to James and blocking him from Snape's line of vision.

"I don't believe you. The point is, you know, you know they should all have been expelled!" Snape said, his anger tempered by his fear of Remus.

"I should have been, or worse," agreed Sirius quietly. "And I let Moony down, badly. I never deserved to win your friendship back, and I never deserved to be your boyfriend. I just wanted you to know that. It's important that you know that."

He smiled briefly at Remus - a warm, kind, grieving look. Remus caught the look in his eyes and a lump formed in his throat.

"I'm sorry for everything," he added, looking at the ground. "It's like I expect the people I love to let me down, and I can't stand to watch it happen and I…"

His fingers jerked and he held onto his knees.

"I fuck it all up first."

"You idiot, Pads, none of this was your fault," said Remus softly, reaching down and hoisting Sirius' arm over his shoulder before pulling him up tenderly. "Can you walk?"

"Course," said Sirius, trying to stand on his own and immediately staggering backwards.

"Fuck," said Remus, grabbing hold of him firmly and lifting him up into his arms. "I'm bringing you to Poppy's."

"Wonderful," said Sirius, looking embarrassed.

"What?" said Remus, trying to hide his amusement. "My damsel in distress?"

"Fuck off," said Sirius, gazing at him fondly.

He sighed, exhausted, his head dropping to rest on Remus' chest.

"What will you tell Poppy?" James asked.

"I suggest we say nothing, Moony," said Sirius.

He couldn't figure out who would end up in more trouble, serious trouble. Would Snape retaliate by telling everyone about Remus' condition?

"Snape, I believe you have something you wish to say to Remus?" Lily said.

Snape clenched his jaw.

"Severus?"

Snape rolled his eyes.

"Sorry," he hissed.

"Snape," said Remus mildly, locking eyes with Snape.

Snape swallowed nervously and nodded, a shiver running down his spine as he watched Remus walk away, carrying Sirius with little effort. After today he felt more convinced than ever of the threat Remus pose to the entire school.

By the time he looked back, Lily was bending down and caressing James' face, whispering softly and running her fingers through his messy hair. He saw James' eyes light up and an adoring smile appear as he placed both her hands in his and brought their foreheads together.

"Lily, I expect you outside the Slytherin Dorms tomorrow at five," he said coldly.

"Hang on," James' voice still a whisper but his eyes blazing. "What's this about?"

She turned and stared at Snape.

"You really wreck my head, you know that?" she sighed crossly. "Stop acting the maggot!"

Snape and James looked at her blankly.

"Oh, I forget sometimes you lot don't understand Irish ways of saying things. It means you're incredibly annoying and can you stop being such a prat!"

"Lily?" asked James, with a worried frown.

Snape watched as she shook her head lightly and smiled reassuringly. He saw James visibly relax and nod, his eyes filled with concern, but also trust. She nodded back, a wordless promise to discuss it later. Just watching their connection confirmed to him that what Lily felt for James was not some superficial infatuation, that what James felt for Lily was deeper than anything he had ever had with her. In the space of a few months they had gotten closer than he had to Lily in the five years they had been best friends.

He couldn't bear it.

"I'm going to the Infirmary to see if you fractured my cheekbone and if that lunatic werewolf fractured my ribs," he spat out.

Lily placed her hand on James' chest as he made a frustrated noise in his throat.

"Don't forget Wilkes and Carrow," said Lily. "They need enervating."

"How dare he talk about Remus like that!" James' hoarse voice thick with emotion as he watched the three students leaving.

"Because he's jealous," Lily sighed. "Of you. Of us."

"Fucking hell," muttered James, sighing in turn. "I know, I get it, but for fuck's sake!"

"Do you know that when Remus told me about you saving Snape, I realised I had a huge crush on you? Not that I admitted it to myself!" Lily smiled widely and winked at James.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"It wasn't the shirtless beauty you saw on the train then?" he joked, trying to change the subject.

"Well, that definitely helped!" she laughed back, kissing his lips chastely.

He kissed her back slowly and insistently, and she pulled him closer to her.

"James," she said quietly. "Can you find somewhere private where we can go tomorrow night, just the two of us, when you get back from Quidditch practice?"

"Yes," he said, still kissing her. "Yes I can. I know the perfect room we could use."

…..

"Moony," said Sirius, his eyes still closed. "Don't tire yourself out."

"Do I look like I'm tired?" said Remus.

"No, but I never know how you're really feeling, you're too good at hiding it."

"Possibly," Remus smiled to himself.

His steady steps continued.

"I'm sorry Moony," said Sirius, his voice sleepy.

"I'm more sorry than I can say, Pads," Remus whispered, hearing the break in his voice.

"Don't be, please," said Sirius, breathing into Remus' shirt, the smell of wood fires and paper and chocolate. "I've been a fool, if anyone should feel guilty, it's me. I missed you."

Remus listened to Sirius' steady breathing.

"When I saw you today, I thought… I thought for a second that I'd lost you," he paused. "And I would never have had the chance to tell you how much I love you."

He glanced down. Sirius was fast asleep in his arms, his face resting against his chest.

"I fucking love you, Pads," said Remus softly.

He looked at Sirius, so utterly beautiful and unusually calm in his arms.

"No matter what happens, no matter what you do, I'll still love you," he said. "I don't think I could ever stop loving you."

All was quiet.

…

Notes:

Any thoughts or comments? Next chapter, a bit of old-fashioned minor character deaths, wedding and funerals coming up...


	30. Chapter 30: Christmas Prancing

**Summary:**

In the previous chapter, Lily promised to meet Snape to talk, and Sirius and Remus seemed to have made up... This chapter: Last Christmas at Hogwarts, or lots of fluffy/f;irty Christmas Jily and Wolfstar

 **Notes:**

Happy belated Birthday to Claudia ( maraudersftw) - you are an amazing writer and so lovely and if you haven't read her fics they are BRILLIANT!

 **Christmas Prancing**

"What are you doing here?" asked Lily.

James could see she was looking quite cross, not bouncing-hair-level-crossness, but still...

"I'm accompanying you down to meet Snape," he said, trying his level best to sound cool and collected.

"We already discussed this, James," said Lily. "And we agreed – I'm going alone."

"Nuh-uh, Evans! I never agreed! Snape said to meet him outside the Slytherin dorm. And while most of the Slytherins are pretty alright, it just so happens that his mates most definitely are not alright. They're vicious. I'm coming with you, end of."

"If anything, that will only make things worse!" said Lily, sighing with irritation, as she started walking quickly down the corridor.

"You nearly got yourself killed on the train last year! Aside from being captured by Death Eaters and nearly being killed by Voldemort!" said James, his temper rising as he followed her. "I'm not going to sit around and watch you put yourself in danger! Just cause some absolute dickhead demands you fucking meet him!"

"James! He's not going to try to harm me, don't be ridiculous!" said Lily, glaring at him as she stormed onwards. "He knows I'd floor him within seconds if he so much as tries anything!"

She was looking pink now and James knew this was bad news.

"Look, I can see you're getting annoyed and this is turning into what Remus would call a Prelude to a Snark," said James, trying to sound vaguely apologetic. "But I don't care how annoyed you get, I'm coming with you."

"Prelude to a Snark!" she huffed. "Honestly, Potter, you're very irritating."

"So you used to tell me, all the time."

His off-hand manner was getting on her nerves.

"Fine, but the next time you want to do something dangerous like practice quidditch at nightime, I'm coming with you!" said Lily.

James' eyes widened.

"Hang on a second," he began.

"Nononono!" she said, narrowing her eyes. "Don't you try that bullshit on me! Same rules or no rules!"

It was James' turn to mutter crossly.

"Fine, let's get this over and done with!"

"And by the way, if anyone nearly got themselves killed last year in a variety of interesting ways it was you, James Fleamont Potter!" she shot him a superior look.

"Hardly my fault!" said James hotly.

"That's debatable!" said Lily. "You literally walked into a trap with Tom Riddle and-"

"Oh yeah! Says Little Miss Prudent who bloody well challenged Voldy to a fucking DUEL!" said James, throwing his hands in the air with exasperation.

"Well I-" said Lily.

"I'm not watching you die, damn it!" interrupted James, his eyes smouldering dangerously.

"Well neither am I!" shouted Lily, her own emerald eyes ablaze with passion.

"Fine," repeated James, running his hand through his hair.

"Fine," said Lily, jutting out her lower lip.

They walked in complete silence to the Slytherin dorms.

…..

"Why is he here?" the revulsion in Snape's tone hard to miss.

"Why do you think?" said James bitterly.

He scowled at Snape. He desperately wanted to throttle him.

"Lily," Snape said, his loathing turned marginally towards anxiety. "This way."

He led them down the far side of the corridor. The air was warm, and an appetising smell of cinnamon wafted by, probably from the kitchens, James thought. He remembered Sirius' assertion that the Slytherin dorms were bound to be much nicer than any of them imagined, as Salazar was unlikely to have picked anything less than a very salubrious location for his Purebloods. They stopped outside a small room. Snape regarded James coldly.

"Outside. You aren't invited," he said.

James wanted to tell him to fuck off or punch him, or both. Preferably both. But he didn't. He clenched his jaw tightly and imagined it instead.

"I'll be waiting here, shout if you need me," James said, turning to Lily and ignoring him.

"How dare you imply that," said Snape, his waxy skin suffused with blotchy redness.

"Imply what?" interrupted Lily. "You were there when one of your friends cursed me on the train and I don't recall you lifting a finger to try to save me. Correct me if I'm wrong?"

She had felt her temper rising as she saw the contempt with which Snape had spoken to James. She sounded furious.

"I didn't know the counter-curse!" Snape hissed angrily, hating the feelings of guilt that re-surfaced.

"Neither did James, yet somehow he managed to get me the help I needed!" snapped Lily. "Ugh! Let's just get this over and done with."

She opened the door and walked in reluctantly. Snape turned to James, his shoulders tense, his eyes filled with rage.

"One of these days I'm going to enjoy watching you die," he whispered.

James' face broke into an amused laugh.

"Merlin, Snivellus, you really do need to get out a bit more," he snorted, leaning casually against the stone wall. "I mean I'm touched, in a weird way, that you seem to spend so much time thinking about me. Then again, if I had such an ugly hooked honker, I'd probably be a grumpy bastard too."

He watched as Snape's hand reached for his wand, before turning away and walking stiffly into the room, slamming the door closed.

"Can you stop acting like a twelve-year-old?" said Lily, wincing at the noise.

"Can you tell your boyfriend to fuck off and stop bullying me?" said Snape.

"Why are we here?" Lily said.

Snape stopped short.

"I wanted to talk to you," he muttered.

"Okay," she said, not unkindly.

She leaned back on her chair, watching as he said nothing, ill at ease.

"Talk about?" she tried.

"You. Us. I mean, your safety," he said eventually.

"My safety?" she said evenly. "I see. Am I to take it that you care about my safety?"

"Of course I care about your safety!" said Snape, glaring at her.

"Sometimes it gets very confusing, you see, what with rumours abounding about you being a Death Eater now, or at least a follower of Tom Riddle," she said sweetly.

"Tom Riddle?" he said, the perplexed look changing swiftly to shock.

"Yes, you remember him, no doubt – ugly bloke with swollen lips and stretched skin? Looks a bit-"

"Don't say that!" Snape looked terrified. "Don't call him Riddle, he hates when-"

"Poor Tom, he's very touchy and insecure, isn't he?" Lily smiled. "You'd almost have to feel sorry for him except for the fact-"

"Lily!" said Snape, turning white. "You'll never survive this war if you go around saying things like that about him! He'd have you murdered already if he knew!"

"Sounds charming!" said Lily, folding her arms. "So this megalomaniac, this Pureblood fanatic who murders people for taking the piss, you approve of him, do you? You're planning on joining his side when you leave Hogwarts?"

Snape bristled.

"It's not that simple!" he snapped.

"Really?" Lily's voice was stern and unyielding. "Enlighten me."

"It just isn't!" said Snape angrily, opening and closing the buttons of his shirtsleeves. "There's a war on Lily, out there in the real world. You can choose to ignore it, you and those pathetic Marauders, but it will catch up with you. There's no escaping it. I've thought this through. Joining Voldemort offers protection. I can… when I join, I can offer you protection. You're already a target, as a mu-," began Snape, stopping short.

"Go on, say it, as a mudblood," said Lily, her eyes narrowed and cold.

"As a muggleborn," said Snape, looking ill at ease. "You may as well have a target sign on your back! If I vouch for you, you'll be safe, they'll leave you alone. You may find this hard to believe, but Voldemort values me. He thinks my potions expertise is vital to his cause. He listens to me."

Lily shivered involuntarily.

"You really believe that, do you? That I'd be safe? You really think Voldemort wouldn't use me to test your loyalty towards him? That even if he won, he'd be happy to have muggleborns roaming around freely?"

Snape opened his mouth.

"You're stupid, Severus, very stupid," said Lily, sighing heavily. "I almost feel sorry for you too. You really have managed to delude yourself into thinking that a mass murderer bent on exterminating mudbloods would let you keep your own pet muggle, just because you're in love with me."

Snape swallowed hard. He opened his mouth again to protest.

"I've heard enough!" said Lily. "By all means keep telling yourself those lies you seem so keen on, I think you nearly believe them yourself! We both know the only way you can keep me safe is by fighting by my side, against Riddle, when we leave Hogwarts. We both know that's what I'll be doing, because I have to, and because it's the right thing to do. And if you're not fighting with me, you'll be fighting against me, Severus. You'll be trying to kill me. So excuse me if I think your excuses for joining Voldemort are sickening. You make me sick!"

She looked nauseated, her lips trembling of their own accord.

"I'm leaving now," she whispered, standing up. "Goodbye, Severus. I hope you rethink your choices. There's still time to change your mind."

"What if I was to change my mind? What if I decided to fight against Voldemort. Would you go out with me then?"

Snape had stood up too. He was leaning towards her, a strange light in his eyes.

Lily searched his face in bewilderment.

"What?"

"Would you drop that bastard Potter and go out with me if I joined your side?"

She shivered violently in response. She dug her nails into the palms of her hand.

"Severus, if you join us, I'm willing to rethink our friendship. Your friendship was always important to me. We were best friends. We could be friends again," she said quietly, her voice shaking.

"I hoped we were more than friends? We could be more than-" said Snape.

"You hoped wrong," replied Lily, stepping back suddenly, feeling uncomfortable.

"Lily, please," said Snape, sounding desperate. "You know how much I-"

"I'd like to go now," Lily said.

Snape looked at her sullenly. He wanted to continue arguing with her. Tell her she was wrong, tell her he knew he what he was doing. Tell her that Voldemort had been extremely impressed when he had shown him the Sectumsempra curse, and told him it was better than Mulciber's Maledictus Cultro – more efficient, and deadlier. Tell her Voldemort had been delighted with his modified Essence of Somnum (Bellatrix had named it Requiem Aeternam*, and spent a good five minutes laughing uncontrollably at her sick joke); how he had smiled at him and told him "You have a bright future ahead of you, Severus!". Tell her there was no way that their side would ever beat Voldemort. That she was doomed to an early grave unless…

"Three more meetings, Lily!" he said.

She didn't like his controlling tone.

"I agreed to three more, but you're wasting your time, Snape!" she said assertively, opening the door.

Relief swept over her as she saw James leaning against the wall. As soon as he spotted her, he stepped away from the wall, and his face broke out into a wide grin, showing off his dimple.

"That was quick!" he said, shoving his hands inside his pockets and raising his brow.

"Not quick enough," she muttered. "Let's go."

They didn't speak this time either, but James could tell that Lily was no longer as annoyed with him as she had been, and he didn't want to ask, in case he was tempted to tell her "I told you so".

….

"Ah, jolly good! There you are, Ms. Evans!" said Professor Slughorn, beaming at her. "I believe this letter arrived for you by muggle post?"

The 7th Years were standing outside the Potions Classroom waiting for him. Lily murmured a quiet thank you, took the letter and tore it open nervously.

"Oh," she said.

"Well?" said Dorcas, with a worried look. "What is it? Is everything okay?"

"I suppose so, if your sister marrying a berk like Vernon Dursley is considered okay," she replied, continuing to stare at the letter.

"Your sister is getting married?" said Dorcas.

"Er, yes, she is, on New Year's Eve," said Lily, without looking up.

Dorcas and Emmeline looked at each other and shrugged.

"Did you know she was engaged?" asked Dorcas.

Emmeline shook her head vigorously at Dorcas and grimaced.

"No, not really," said Lily, looking up briefly. "I'm not really surprised…"

"No, I suppose not," said Emmeline, patting her shoulder.

"I think I'll ask her to meet me with James, before Christmas," she said, looking uncertain. "I'd like to make things better between us, and maybe if I give Vernon a chance and she gives James a chance…"

Emmeline smirked at Dorcas. Potter was clearly not a short-term romance…

"Yeah, the two boyfriends getting to know each other," she said.

"Yeah, sure, great idea, I'm sure that'll definitely work," said Dorcas, who was standing behind Lily, shaking her head and rolling her eyes at Emmeline as Lily spoke.

"What's a great idea?" said James, coming up and kissing Lily on the cheek and on her forehead.

"Marriage," replied Dorcas, winking at James and enjoying seeing his face redden slightly.

"Will you come and meet Petunia with me?" Lily asked. "I know it's a pain-"

"Anything for you!" said James gallantly, trying to sound more interested than he felt.

"I'll owl her and see what she says!" said Lily with a bright smile.

…

It hadn't worked out too well in the end. Petunia had replied by owl (for the first time ever), telling Lily that she was never again to send that screeching beast to her house, and informing her that the only day she was free to meet Lily -"I have more pressing matters to deal with"- was that very evening, "but I warn you, if your boyfriend does anything remotely embarrassing during dinner, I am never speaking to him again". James was cross because Petunia was being rude to Lily, and he had a Quidditch game the following morning and was meant to be meeting up with his team to discuss tactics, but of course he came. Lily and Petunia sat rigidly through most of the meal, unable to relax. James was visibly amused by Vernon's crass, materialistic conversation and ended up drinking a couple of glasses of wine in quick succession to cope with the tediousness and the constant glares emanating from Petunia. Vernon countered by trying to make James feel insignificant and making nasty, prejudiced comments about wizards being unemployable. James laughed breezily at that, and commented on his family's large fortune, in solid gold. The others stared at him as though he had three heads, Lily included. Vernon accused him of being a liar, and James (seeing Lily with tears in her eyes) stupidly decided that the situation would be best addressed by hexing Vernon's hideous moustache.

Bad move.

By the time they apparated back to Hogsmeade, Lily wasn't talking to him.

Very Bad Move.

…

There was a definite lack of festive cheer that year. Lily and James, as Head Girl and Head Boy, were expected to remain in Hogwarts over the Christmas holidays. Sirius wanted to be with James, obviously, and more especially with Remus.

They all did, Peter included. The date of the full moon in December 1977 was Christmas Day.

It was Christmas Eve, ten days since the Disastrous Tash Attack (as Sirius had taken to calling it), Lily was barely speaking to James and vica-versa. Both behaving like stubborn idiots, according to Dorcas, Emmeline, and the other Marauders. James had decided to throw himself into Quidditch training that evening and drove himself into the ground with a vicious training session, his mood improved by physical activity and his favourite sport. By the time he entered the Gryffindor common room, he was feeling hopeful, despite the DTA. He swung the door open and breezed in.

"Good evening, fellow Marauders!" he said, grinning broadly, his eyes resting on Lily.

His hair was more dishevelled, his quidditch uniform wet from rain and sweat, and hugging his figure. Lily looked at him and her heart beat quickened immediately, all angry feelings melting away.

"Look at that cocky strut!" said Peter, grinning at Remus.

"Ah yes, that iconic post-quidditch Potter strut," said Remus, looking up briefly from the book he was reading and winking at Lily.

"I don't strut!" laughed James, shaking his head at Remus and flopping down on the couch practically on top of him.

"Get off me! All that muscle weighs a ton!" groaned Remus.

"Ha! That's a laugh! You used to strut all the time, Prongs," said Sirius, making room for James and casually leaning back so his shoulder was lightly pressing into Remus.

"I did not!" said James heatedly, throwing the snitch at him.

"Ouch! Uncalled for!" said Sirius snootily, catching the snitch without hesitation." Lily?"

Lily grinned up at James with a cheeky smile.

"Hell, yes!" she laughed, her eyes dancing with mirth.

"Absolutely not!" said James, trying not to laugh.

Lily didn't answer but she stood up and walked towards the fireplace, with an exaggerated swagger, before turning around with a flourish and leaning casually with her elbow on the mantlepiece. She ran her hand through her hair, raised an eyebrow and in a low voice replied.

"Well hullo, Evans! You missed quidditch practice – great talent on display," she purred, pointing to herself and winking. "And some pretty good quidditch too!"

The entire common room peeled with laughter. Remus and Sirius were laughing so hard they couldn't speak. James was trying to keep a straight face and unable to stop himself snorting aloud. Peter got up, with a delighted look on his face and high-fived Lily enthusiastically. He stood in front of Lily, folded his arms and glared at her.

"Talent, is that right, Potter?" he quipped, doing a perfect rendition of Lily's voice. "Well, if you're referring to your ability to annoy the hell out of me, you're extraordinarily good at it!"

James roared with laughter.

"Oh Merlin, make it stop! Making a complete fool of myself once is bad enough!"

Lily ignored him and stared at Peter, looking slightly put out.

"Suit yourself, Evans," she pouted, ruffling her hair again and sticking both her hands deep inside imaginary pockets. "But just so you know, bods like this don't stay single for very long, yeah?"

She cocked her head to one side, smirked and leaned against the wall.

"Bods? Bods!" said Peter, looking disgusted, his voice all high and irritated as he placed his hands on his hips and glared at Lily. "Well as long as that bod is firmly attached to your swollen head, I think you might want to replace Fleamont and add Single as your middle name?"

"Ouch!" roared Sirius, laughing so hard he toppled off the couch.

"Slay!" said Remus, laughing and saluting Peter.

James bit the corner of his mouth as he unsuccessfully tried to stop the wide grin splitting his face.

"Cruel, Evans! I was traumatised after that encounter!" he said. "Uncalled for!"

"Er, we used to call him Strutting Like a Fucker?" said Peter, turning back to Lily.

"Rude!" called James, throwing a quill at Peter.

Lily bit her bottom lip and shook her head at James, eyes dancing with glee.

"Not so much strutting as prancing, I suppose. We had a nickname for you too," she said.

"What! Evans! I'm devastated! Out with it!" he said, rolling his eyes and folding his arms in mock outrage.

"We used to call you Prancy Mc Stud," she said.

Silence.

"Strut! Prancy Mc Strut!" said Lily, eyes widening.

"I don't remember that at all!" said Dorcas, frowning at Lily in confusion.

"That's cause she was the only one who used it!" giggled Emmeline.

"Stud, eh?" said Sirius, beaming. "As in good-looking, I take it?"

Lily rolled her eyes and folded her arms, a carbon copy of Peter's earlier rendition.

"Prancy Mc Strut. And also Strutter Mc Stutter, cause he used to go all tongue-tied around me!" Lily said, looking very embarrassed.

The room laughed.

"Ooh, Evans, don't deny it, you were always smitten with Potter!"

"Ha! Freudian slip," called a muggleborn.

He couldn't stand seeing her looking so mortified. Seeing Lily's face redden further, James stood up quickly and walked over towards Lily.

"I may as well live up to my reputation then, Evans, what do you say?" he grinned. "Wormy, that Hot Chocolate one?"

Peter laughed as the music from the enchanted record-player filled the common room.

I believe in miracles

Where you from, you sexy thing?

Sexy thing, you

I believe in miracles

Since you came along, you sexy thing

"Oh gods! You're not doing that, Potter?" said Lily, her mouth gaping wide as James proceeded to unbutton his quidditch top while strutting to the music.

"You better believe it Evans, it's your lucky day!" he grinned.

Where did you come from, baby?

How did you know I needed you?

How did you know I needed you so badly?

How did you know I'd give my heart gladly?

Lily shrieked and brought her hands over her mouth as James flung off his quidditch top and danced in front of her. James bit his lower lip as he watched her watching him, half-mortified and half-amused, obviously smitten.

"Your fault Evans," he smiled, his eyes alight with teasing. "You made me strut!"

Lily caught Alexa Mc Millan, the blonde-haired Gryffindor, ogling James. The way the light from the fireplace played on his chest and back, she could make out thin scars, faded but still proof of his encounter with Voldemort. Of when he had tried to save her.

"Potter!" she said, calling him over sternly.

"Evans," he said, coming over immediately.

"I would have thought you'd be keen to move to a more private setting?" she said, running her nail down the front of his chest. "Or had you forgotten my request?"

"Am I forgiven?" he asked, his voice sounding very low.

"Of course," she whispered, continuing to touch his chest. "Am I?"

"Er," James seemed to lose concentration as he stared into Lily's eyes. "What?"

I love the way you touch me, darling, you sexy thing

Oh, it's ecstasy, you sexy thing

Lily mouthed at him, bringing her lips close to his and then pulling back. She took his hand in hers and pulled him after her, towards the door.

"This Prancy Mc Stud is taken," she called over her shoulders.

"But his middle name is Single, Evans!" shouted back Sirius.

"Not anymore," she laughed. "It's not Single, it's Smitten!"

…

"Oh Merlin, I haven't laughed so hard in years!" said Peter. "I'm exhausted now, think I'll turn in."

The common room had emptied at a steady rate after Lily and James had departed rather hurriedly. The warm embers were still glowing and a cosy silence descended on the remaining Marauders. The Christmas decorations on the mantlepiece shimmered.

"Yeah, join you shortly, Wormy," said Sirius affecting a lazy tone as he watched Peter wind his way up to their dorm.

He glanced at Remus, who continued to read his book undeterred. Things had been strange between him and Remus after he had ended up in the hospital wing. They had snogged a few times. Quite a few times actually. Without talking about what had happened. Without taking things further. Neither of them sure exactly where they stood. And neither of them had made any move to find out. To fix things properly. It was stupid.

"So, that worked out rather well for Prongs, wouldn't you say?" said Sirius, loosening his tie and undoing the two top buttons of his white shirt, while giving Remus a suggestive glance.

"If you think that Pulling a Prongs is going to work on me, you're very much mistaken," said Remus, not even bothering to look up.

"Pulling a Prongs?" Sirius let out a gleeful bark. "I love it! Can't wait to tell him!"

"Can we stop talking about your other boyfriend, please?" yawned Remus.

"As you wish," Sirius said, with a haughty air. "I'm just going to enjoy teasing him, is all."

"Ah yes, a twinge of Schadenfreude," mused Remus, trying not to smile.

"What?" said Sirius, sounding breathy. "Is that… what does it mean? It's sexy, obviously?"

"Not really," said Remus, looking up briefly. "Literally means damage-joy."

"Sounds kinky to me," muttered Sirius under his breath.

Remus bit his cheek.

"Your inveterate inanity is endearing," he said with a small smile.

Sirius pulled at his tie again, his eyes wide.

"Stop doing that, you know I find you irresistible when you talk like that!" he groaned.

"Even though you're literally mystified and discombobulated by what I just said?" Remus said, grinning, getting into his stride.

"Shut up!" said Sirius, his heart racing, as he whipped off his tie entirely and glaring at Remus." Don't tell me that you don't find my gushing adorable? I mean, it lends me a certain… je ne sais quoi? N'est pas?"

"Pardon?" said Remus, feeling suddenly warmer.

"You know, a propos de rien, and with absolutely no arrière-pensée whatsoever," said Sirius casually, with a twinkle in his eye. "I feel I lend a certain frisson, a talent for eloquent conversation? Each bon mot which falls from my lips-"

"For fuck's sake, Pads, stop it!" growled Remus, eyes wide, his book falling on the ground unnoticed.

"Au contraire," smiled Sirius, unable to stop himself, knowing what that sound meant. "I don't think I shall… je ne regrette rien!"

"You're driving me mad!" said Remus, staring hungrily at Sirius' lips.

"Ah oui," sighed Sirius languidly. "Je ne suis pas un homme facile."

"Sirius!" warned Remus, his voice very low now, as he leaned towards Sirius.

"I just want to be given carte blanche to seduce you, Moony," Sirius said.

"Fuck's sake," Remus muttered to himself crossly, standing up suddenly. "Go on then, what do you want?"

He held out his arm and Sirius took his hand immediately, grinning softly as Remus pulled him up.

"Many things, mostly just one. But I'll start off with ballroom - Killer Queen, by Queen," he whispered in Remus' ear. "waltz?"

"Alright," Remus sighed, bringing their foreheads together. "But you know I can't dance!"

He didn't sound peeved any longer, Sirius thought, he sounded contented.

As the enchanted record player turned, Sirius led them in a slow waltz.

Caviar and cigarettes

Well-versed in etiquette

Extraordinarily nice

"That's you I suppose" Remus breathed.

Recommended at the price

Insatiable an appetite

Wanna try?

You wanna try

"Wanna try again?" Sirius whispered.

Remus caught the firelight reflected in his unsure, expectant gaze. He knew Sirius hated letting himself be vulnerable.

He wanted to.

"Merry Christmas Moony," said Sirius, leaning forward and kissing Remus softly.

"Merry Christmas, Pads," said Remus, his attempts to dance entirely forgotten as he grasped Sirius in his arms and began kissing him in earnest.

"What are your thoughts on this song?" murmured Remus, flicking his wand to change the record.

Itchi gitchi ya ya da da

Itchi gitchi ya ya here

Mocha-choca-lata ya ya

Creole lady marmalade

Sirius joined in the chorus:

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi se soir?

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi

"Well?" said Remus.

"Do you even need to ask, Moony?" he said, batting his dark lashes at Remus.

"We should probably talk first," said Remus, feeling a lump in his throat.

"No need," said Sirius breathily. "You know how it will go. I'll apologise for being a shit, you'll apologise for shit you didn't do, I'll get annoyed with you for talking shit, and we'll have wasted valuable time, when we could have been doing this."

It was true, but they needed to learn how to talk about shit like this, and he wanted to ask how, why, Sirius had immediately run off with various other boys. Except he was so thankful to Sirius for taking him back, even if he knew objectively none of this was his fault… funny how his eloquence deserted him whenever he was faced with talking about his own feelings.

"Please?"

Sirius was now kneeling in front of him, in front of the fireplace, with lust in his eyes and his trademark wicked smirk. The bastard. Fuck eloquence. Fuck feelings.

"To hell with it. Yeah," he said.

The portrait of Godric Gryffindor coughed prudishly. He slipped out of his frame and clambered in beside the Fat Lady.

"Is it getting too hot in there for you?" she grined knowingly. "Let me guess - the roaring fire or Lupin and Black?"

…..

"Merry Christmas, Lily," said James, kissing her neck softly.

"Merry Christmas, James," said Lily, smiling back.

They were in the Room of Requirement, lying together in a huge bed, with red Gryffindor colours, a warm fire dancing in the corner, a large Christmas tree wonderfully decorated with gold and red snitch baubles and bewitched fairy lights, the absolute silence of falling snow outside and the smell of pine trees, coconut and vetiver mixing headily. Lily sighed, turning to look at James – she couldn't quite believe how beautiful he looked, lying beside her, still shirtless, hair wonderfully mussed. Make-up snogging, divine…

"I love you so much," he murmured, continuing to kiss her as his lips trailed lower, onto her collarbone, onto her chest. "I hate fighting with you."

"I love you too," said Lily, running her fingers through his hair - his beautiful, soft, unruly hair.

"And you're alright, Evans?" he said, looking at her as though to reassure himself.

"More than alright, Potter," she smiled back, running her finger down his nose and over his lips. "I was trying to stay mad at you the last few days, especially when I looked at you."

"Why?" he said.

"Because!" she said. "My brain was trying to stay angry with you, but you looked maddeningly gorgeous. It's not fair that you know about my weakness for Quidditch James."

"Ridiculous!" he laughed. "What about my weakness for you, any and all things Lily Evans? This well documented fatal flaw, Achilles' heel, all that?"

"Shush!"

His besotted smile lit a fire inside her and she pulled him down for another kiss.

"So very happy," she said, kissing him and smiling at him and running her hands down his back.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, touching her cheeks.

"Completely sure," she said. "Are you?"

"Completely and utterly, yours," he said, kissing her hungrily.

"James," she said, wrapping herself around him.

"Tell me if you want to stop, if you change your mind," he whispered, pulling back slightly.

"James," she breathed. "I love you."

….

He could have watched her sleep forever, her face buried into his shoulder, her fingers gently wrapped around his arm, her lips open, her dark red eyelashes occasionally fluttering. And she could have stayed there beside him forever too, feeling warm and safe and so loved. But at nine o'clock the next morning James got up reluctantly, and Lily found one of James' spare quidditch tops (how had it even gotten there?) and slipped it on, watching as he drank her in, intoxicated by everything she did. If fighting with James meant this type of making up, she might need to pick another fight soon…

"You're so beautiful," he said, wrapping his arms around her and placing his chin over her head.

"You're more beautiful," she smiled, hugging him tightly and enjoying how warm and smooth his back felt. "And my personal hot water bottle!"

They both looked out of the tall window, framing the festive scene below – the snow flakes lazily floating downwards, the white, encrusted trees, the towers covered in silver, icicles dripping down from the battlements; the lake frozen solid, as though awaiting a merry ice-rink celebration.

"Where does the poor squid disappear off to, I wonder?" yawned Lily.

"Huh!" said James. "Don't mention the squid! He can manage quite happily all year round, probably gets countless woollen socks from various doting females for Christmas!"

"You're such a dork!" Lily laughed. "Speaking of which, presents!"

She handed James a small round present, which he eagerly unwrapped. It was a small snow globe with a perfect tiny deer and doe, nuzzling each other. They were surrounded by trees and further away, three other animals peeped out – a dog, a wolf and a rat.

"Bloody hell, Lily!" said James, practically dropping the present. "How did you…?"

"How did I know all their favourite animals and Patroni? Easy, I asked Sirius! I know you guys have funny nicknames, and I didn't want to exclude your friends. I know how important they are to you. Complicated Charm, took me ages to get the hang of it," said Lily.

James sighed with relief and kissed her feverishly.

"What's that for?" Lily laughed again. "Not that I'm complaining!"

"For this, for last night, for everything," he replied in a low voice. "I won't be at the Christmas supper tonight, neither will the boys, and I wanted to explain it to you, and where we got our nicknames from?"

"Oooh!" said Lily, looking pleased. "I've always wondered about that!"

"If we don't go and give the boys their presents soon, Sirius is going to burst! But after breakfast, I was hoping to show you? My Christmas present for you?"

He looked very eager. Very eager and something else – worried. Lily frowned at him and nodded slowly.

…..

James, Sirius, Peter and a tired looking Remus had disappeared inside the canopy of the Forbidden Forest a few moments ago, reassuring her they would be back soon with a surprise. So Lily waited, watching the occasional fluffy snowflake meandering drunkedly towards the ground. She breathed into her hands to warm up her numb fingers, marvelling at the beauty surrounding her – the old piece of bog oak covered in silver frosting, the robin hopping along the ground beside her, the occasional sound of snow falling off a laden branch in the deep forest.

And then she saw it, a large stag, walking very slowly towards her, stopping occasionally to look at her deferentially. He had long antlers on which hung gold and red baubles.

"James!" she hissed quietly, trying not to move. "James, look! Oh my goodness, he's so beautiful, look at him! Did you stick those baubles on him, honestly, the poor dote! It was definitely either you or Sirius… he's coming closer, oh Merlin, did you enchant him or something? He's not scared!"

She gasped as the deer stepped right up in front of her, his golden flecked eyes regarding her intently, its white exhaled breaths visible around its muzzle.

"You're gorgeous," she whispered, tentatively reaching up to run her fingers along its forehead and long muzzle.

The stag gave a short snort, as though in greeting, and extended its neck upwards. Lily looked at him.

"Are you looking for something?" she asked quietly.

The stag appeared to nod its head. An excited yelp echoed from the edge of the woods.

"Oh look, it's that lovely dog I've seen running around the grounds before!" whispered Lily. "The cute dog who doesn't like Snape!"

She watched as the large dog bounded towards them, barking merrily, running in circles trying to catch its tail and playfully nipping at the stag's legs.

The stag barely looked at it and snorted sharply, giving it a good kick in the tail end.

"Don't hurt the poor dog, you silly stag!" scolded Lily, bending down to pet the dog, who promptly rolled over onto its back, wagging his tail madly and panting.

"Look at you, you're so pretty!" said Lily, caressing it behind its ears and down his sides. "With your shiny black coat and your incredible grey eyes!"

The dog barked excitedly and proceeded to lick Lily's nose. The stag lowered his head and nudged him out of the way with its antlers.

"Stop it you two!" said Lily, laughing at the commotion, and looking around her in bewilderment as she spotted a rotund little rat, looking rather self-important, making its way towards her through the snowy grass, carrying a letter in its mouth.

"Adorable! This is like something out of a Fairytale," she muttered to herself, blinking a few times and shaking her head in amazement. "How did you boys manage this?"

The dog and the stag had stopped their antics and watched with keen interest as Lily bent down slowly and extended her palm upwards. The rat carefully dropped the letter into her hand and bowed once before stepping back.

Wordlessly she opened the thick envelope.

Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Lily Evans and begs her not to be cross with his friends, who did this to help him.

Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony and would like to add that he adores Lily Evans, and that the baubles were not his idea.

Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that Lily Evans ever agreed to go out with Mr. Prongs, and would like to state for the record that he can't believe Mr. Prongs agreed to wear said baubles, because he looks like a complete dork.

Mr. Wormtail wishes Lily Evans a Merry Christmas, hesitates to point out that the baubles were Mr. Padfoot's idea, and hopes she will join them for a Christmas picnic lunch in the snow.

"What the," Lily looked up and watched as Remus came towards her, bearing a large picnic basket and a rolled tartan blanket.

"I'm sure you've guessed who the idiotic mutt is, at any rate," he said, smiling at Lily.

The black dog whined as though offended and put his head down onto the snow, looking up at her with his expressive large eyes.

"He looks like he's pouting, he looks exactly like… oh my word, it's… Sirius?" said Lily, her eyes as wide as saucers.

Remus burst out laughing and nodded happily. In an instant, Sirius' handsome features were looking back at her, a pleased smirk on his face.

"Ha! She guessed me first!" he said triumphantly, as he turned towards the stag.

"But how?" said Lily, staring at the stag and the rat.

The rat rolled his eyes expressively, so reminiscent of…

"Ah! It's you, Peter!" she squealed excitedly and jumped backwards as the rat transformed back into a rather proud looking Gryffindor.

Then she stared into the stag' hazel eyes, and the markings around his eyes shaped like rectangles and…

"Oh. My. Gods!" she breathed. "It's you?"

The stag bent its head, the baubles tinkling merrily.

"You're…" said Lily. "Those eyelashes… Gods…"

She kissed the stag's forehead tenderly, her fingers playing with the fur beside his ears.

"You're gorgeous," she breathed, closing her eyes. "I can't believe…"

"Can't believe he's so big?" asked Sirius, barking a laugh.

Peter guffawed loudly and Remus kicked him unceremoniously.

"Ouch!" said Peter, with a hurt expression.

They turned to look at the others. Lily was now standing close to James, still playing with his hair.

"You have baubles in your hair, James," she said.

"I know," he smiled.

"You're an idiot," she said breathily.

"I know," he said.

"It's illegal," she added. "You could all end up in Azkaban, you know that, don't you?"

"I know," he said.

"That's how you can be with Remus every full moon," she said, more to herself than anyone else.

He stared back at her.

"I couldn't love you more than I do at this very moment," she said, her green eyes diving into his. "And I love your friends too, all of them."

He smiled. She was fucking perfect. She could be cross, and stubborn, and irritating. But she was perfect for him. And despite his impulsiveness and hot-headedness and general stupidity, she seemed to find him perfect too.

"Merry Christmas, Lily," he said, kissing her.

"Hurry up, Prongs!" called Sirius haughtily, throwing a snowball at James' head. "I'm starving! And stop being so cute, you two, you're putting us off our food!"

They kept kissing.

"If you don't hurry up, I'm going to have my wicked way with Padfoot right here on the picnic blanket," said Remus, carelessly reaching for a sandwich and winking at Sirius. "Wormy, you probably have time to finish that turkey and stuffing sandwich if you eat quickly."

"Prongs! For fuck's sake!" yelped Peter, looking stricken. "TMI Moony! TMI!"

Sirius looked delighted.

"Take your time, Prongs, take your time!" he called back giddily, lying back on the blanket and flashing Peter a coquettish smile.

"Oh. My. Merlin. Prongs!" shouted Peter, sounding more desperate. "Prongs, you bastard! Hurry the fuck up!"

...

* Requiem Aeternam – Eternal Rest - lethal version of Essence of Somnum (sleeping draught) developed by Snape

** Sirius using French words/phrases to seduce his Moony:

A propos de rien – with reference to nothing in particular

Arrière-pensée – hidden motive

Au contraire – on the contrary

Je ne regrette rien – I don't regret anything

carte blanche – free rein

Je ne suis pas un homme facile – I am a difficult man/not an easy man

Voulez vous coucher avec moi se soir – do you want to sleep with me tonight

 **Notes:**

 **I couldn't do anything angsty here... next chapter maybe... so I didn't focus on poor Remus having to transform on Christmas Day... ugh! But let me tell you, it was one of his best full moons, Remus was determined to make it so, they had an amazing night chasing in the Forbidden Forest and that's all I'm going to say about it.**

 **HAPPY CHRISTMAS to you all, I hope you have some time off and spend time with those you love, and even if you don't celebrate Christmas, wishing you and yours every happiness x**

 **Special thank you to everyone who leaves comments here, I appreciate them so so much, I really love them! Also to Guest, thank you and I hope you are feeling better xxxx**


	31. Love & Other Laments

**Summary:**

After Christmas, Lily and James attend Petunia's Wedding, Remus tries to work around Reg's Unbreakable Vow, and Lily's life implodes...

 **Notes:**

Incredible thank you to proffessrmoonylupin on tumblr for writing a beautiful violin solo for this chapter reblog/182527273136/eVV0eVbZ

It's divided into three parts, which will make sense when you read this. It was exceptionally kind of them to write it for me and I am so very grateful. Please check out their tumblr and leave some love/kudos!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

 **Love & Other Laments**

"Penny, you look gorgeous!" said Lily, trying to sound enthusiastic.

Petunia was wearing a flouncy, white, satin dress with a ruched, off-the-shoulder neckline and a matching choker. She wore extremely high heels which made her unsteady, so she was holding on to Vernon's arm for dear life. Her hair was stiff from hairspray and coiffed into a complicated high chignon. She looked decidedly unhappy to see James, but she tried to smile back at Lily.

"Thank you, Lily," said Petunia.

Penny hadn't asked her to be bridesmaid, she had asked a girl she barely knew more than six months, in one of the agencies where she had been temping* in London in between modelling jobs. Her parents had narrowly avoided a full-blown row with Petunia that morning, and Lily and James had eventually been told to sit near the Irish (aka somewhat embarrassing) relations. Try though she might, Lily couldn't help feeling angry and upset about how Penny had treated her. And she didn't like Petunia's dress. Yes, Lily Evans felt mean and petty today.

"Congratulations Vernon," continued Lily stiffly, turning to her new brother-in-law.

"Thanks," replied Vernon curtly.

"You look beautiful, Petunia," said James, on his best behaviour.

Petunia's mouth twisted in a failed attempt at a smile, but she nodded in acknowledgement.

"Vernon," began James.

"Don't you Vernon me, young man!" said Vernon, his face turning red as he spluttered indignantly. "You're only invited because my good lady wife relented to my in-laws' request. But I'm warning you, I'll be keeping a very close eye on you all night, and so will my Marge! Any sign of any sinister goings-on, and I'll have the Bouncers escort you off the premises immediately. Is that clear?"

James felt Lily's hand grip his arm.

"Perfectly clear, old chap," said James. "And very wise. Never know what I might get up to with a few drinks on me."

"Marge, how lovely to see you!" said Petunia loudly.

Lily moved James away from the newly-weds.

"Is that your wayward sister's n'er-do-well beau?" asked Marge in her booming voice. "His hair is dreadful! What did you say he does for a living? Dropped out of school early, did he?"

"I'm afraid he never really attended proper school, Aunt Marge, I suspect he was expelled," said Vernon, his moustache quivering. "I believe he's now some kind of amateur magician**."

"Oh dear, that won't do!" said Marge, turning around sharply and staring at Lily. "He will have to go!"

"I doubt it's very serious, they are only seventeen," said Petunia, looking very embarrassed.

"Well, see to it that it ends, Petunia!" said Marge, poking the Bride forcefully with her short stubby finger. "I will not have Vernon marrying into riff-raff!"

"Of course not!" said Petunia, in a shrill voice.

"I'm sorry Lily, but I really can't stand that fellow. And his sister is such a weapon!" muttered James.

"My sister's just as bad! How quickly can we get hold of a drink?" Lily groaned into his arm.

…

"More magic, Mr. James!" Lily's five-year-old cousin Roisin was looking at James with awe. "Please?"

James was surrounded by about a dozen unruly Irish children, hidden away in a corner of the Grand Superior Excelsior Hotel's (decidedly mediocre) function room. They were watching him mesmerised, and screaming with excitement, as he performed magic tricks for them.

"What else would you like to see?" James bent down to talk to the quietly adorable girl who looked enchanted.

"A rabbit coming out of the hat!" Roisin giggled shyly, her bright blue eyes sparkling with delight. "A cute, furry one!"

"A rabbit?" said James, looking confused.

"Yes, magicians always have rabbits! You really ought to know that, James," said Sean, her twelve-year-old older brother, shaking his head at James and trying to look disinterested.

"Do they? We, er, haven't gotten that far in my training, but I'll do my best!" said James with a very serious look on his face.

He took the white napkin, folded it in a complicated pattern, tapped it twice with his wand, muttering Lepus Albus, and then carefully hunkered down with the hat.

"Like this?" he asked.

"Ah, it's gorgeous!" Roisin squealed with delight, as she stared raptly at the fluffy white rabbit poking its head out of the hat. "I'm showing me Ma!"

"I want to hold it!" said Sean, sounding just as giddy as his baby sister, as they ran excitedly towards the grown-ups.

Lily's smile widened as she caught James' eye, and he grinned back sheepishly.

"More, more!" shouted a red-haired toddler, clapping his hands vigorously.

"More, more!" screamed his twin sister, her red pigtails bobbing up and down.

"Alright, one more trick!" James laughed, sitting down beside the group. "What would you like to see this time?"

"Lovely fella you got yourself there, Lily," Lily's Great Aunt Brid said, coming up behind her and giving her a playful squeeze. "The kids are havin' a whale of a time! He's going to make a wonderful Da someday. And he's a bit of a hunk too, isn't he? If I was a bit younger, I'd be after him meself, in a flash."

"He's very good with the little ones," said Lily smiling at the sight of James in deep conversation with a seven-year-old boy.

"He's the best lookin' fella I've seen in donkey's years, and it's painfully obvious that you're mad for him!" said Brid, smugly regarding a very red-faced Lily. "D'ya think he plans on marrying you?"

"Auntie Brid, will you go way outta that!" said Lily, her face now puce. "I'm only turning eighteen next month! We're not planning anything!"

"Still and all, I'm never wrong. I was sittin' next to Paddy O'Farrell at the dinner, and he puts yous firmly together too," Brid said, raising her wrinkled brows at Lily. "The two of yous look happy out whenever you're near each other, it's adorable, love!"

"Brid, you reckon the two of them will be getting engaged soon?" Rose Evans had joined the conversation and was grinning broadly at Lily.

"Mum!" said Lily, folding her arms crossly as her mother looked on with amusement.

"I sincerely hope I'm right!" said Rose, who was slightly merry from all the wine. "I love your James, you're well able for each other, and I think you'll be very happy together!"

James was watching Lily, he had been watching her discreetly for some time now - Lily who was rolling her eyes fondly and digging her elbow into her mother, as the two older women laughed, clearly enjoying the banter. Lily who was now listening attentively to Grandad Evans as he droned on about fly fishing on the River Tyne. The other young people had wandered off after a short while. But Lily was still listening, smiling kindly. The elderly man looked delighted.

"She's great, isn't she?" Mr. Evans said, standing beside him and sipping a glass of sparkling wine, watching Lily with pride and fondness.

She looked beautiful, auburn hair caught in a low bun, a sparkle in her bright eyes and a wave of her graceful wrists.

"Yes, exceptionally beautiful," James nodded. "And exceptionally kind, but fierce too!"

"It's precisely that combination which has resulted in certain people making life difficult for her," said Mr. Evans, looking at his eldest daughter and sighing.

James wondered how much Mr. Evans knew about Lily's friendship with Snape.

"You mark my words, there'll be a Potter-Evans wedding in a couple of years, and that makes me very happy," Mr. Evans winked at James, who felt himself blushing. "Now why don't you go and rescue Lily? I think she'd prefer to be dancing with you."

He pointed to where Lily was politely stifling a yawn.

"Yes, Sir!" said James, grinning broadly. "Thank you!"

Mr. Evans raised his glass towards him and laughed.

"I assure you, watching you two tonight has given me nearly as much pleasure as watching Petunia and Vernon," he said.

In fact, if he was being completely honest, he was much fonder of Lily's boyfriend than of his new son-in-law, but Mr. Evans was a diplomatic man. He watched as Lily and James danced to Let's Stay Together.

"You know, if Vernon realises that the Wedding Band are playing one of Al Green's songs, he'll go nuts!" huffed Lily.

"Why's that?" asked James, holding her close.

"He's black, and Vernon is a racist," said Lily. "Vernon's also homophobic as hell. I think the only way I can deal with him is by avoiding him."

"Is that so?" said James narrowing his eyes and giving Vernon a filthy look. "I'm sorry, but I really can't bring myself to like him. At all."

 _Let me say that since, baby, since we've been together_

 _Loving you forever_

 _Is what I need_

 _Let me, be the one you come running to_

 _I'll never be untrue_

 _Oh baby_

 _Let's, let's stay together (gether)_

 _Lovin' you whether, whether_

 _Times are good or bad, happy or sad_

Lily pulled James closer. He smiled at her and brought his head down so their foreheads were touching.

"Evans, you look stunning," he said quietly.

Lily laughed, her eyes twinkling happily.

"So do you, Potter!" she said, looking at his dimple and his lips. "Do you think anyone would notice if we legged it a bit early?"

James caught sight of Marge staring daggers at them.

"Definitely," he replied. "Should we leave now?"

…

"You're thinking about Reg again," said Remus.

Sirius whipped his head around immediately, looking surprised.

"How did you know?" he asked.

"Oh you know, good guess?" said Remus after a short pause.

He knew because he had seen the look on Sirius' face so many times since the start of term. Brooding guilt. He hated seeing Sirius like that.

"I wonder how Christmas went," Sirius sighed, looking out of the window again. "Shit, I bet. I can just see him – sitting at the dinner table looking awkward and feeling terrified, and none of them even realising it. Fuck it, Moony, I shouldn't have left him there."

He kicked the wall with his foot and sighed again, leaning forwards against the open window ledge.

"You did what you had to do, Sirius, you were given no choice. It wasn't safe for you to stay."

Remus' voice was low and comforting. He turned around and looked at Remus, his grey eyes imploring.

"My Father would have killed me, sooner rather than later. But Reg… how could I leave him there with them on his own? I've fucked up so badly, so many times, you know that it's true. I'm horribly selfish."

"You're fucking brave, Sirius, that's all I know," said Remus, grabbing Sirius by the arms. "You put up with them long enough. You had to leave. They didn't treat Reg like they treated you!"

"But what about now?" he mumbled, pulling away from Remus. "What are they doing to him now, now that I'm not there to…"

He lifted his chin vaguely.

"To take the brunt of their anger? To stand between them and Reg?" said Remus bitterly, his voice catching. "No fucking way. You did it long enough, Sirius, Reg can look after himself, for a change. You heard what he said, he turned down James' offer and called you a traitor."

"I wish I could talk to him," he whispered quietly, turning away to look outside again so Remus wouldn't see him.

Remus couldn't stand it. He had to come up with a plan. And fuck it, he wasn't just good at learning the rule book off by heart and ripping it apart. He was a pro.

…

"Reg, Sirius doesn't know what's happening here today, he won't try to communicate with you, he's blind-folded and he won't try to talk to you, I promise. James will be there, and so will Peter and Lily, the Head Girl. Are you happy to come in? I promise nothing bad will happen," said Remus.

They stood outside one of the disused Music Classrooms on the fourth floor, not far from the Ancient Runes classroom.

"Lily Evans, the mudblood?" Reg asked, his face unreadable as he flicked his fingers briefly then rubbed the palm of his hands into his trousers.

"Merlin, Reg, don't call her that to her face, whatever you do. It's incredibly rude. Is that understood?" Remus said sternly.

Reg stared at him blankly, like mudblood was a perfectly acceptable name to call muggleborns. Remus sighed heavily.

"Look, I know you think it's normal, but it isn't. It's offensive, and wrong."

He had no idea what Reg was thinking.

"I am not allowed to talk or write to Sirius, or try to communicate, do you understand? The unbreakable vow…"

"I understand. You don't need to say anything, just follow me, and listen," he instructed Reg, as he opened the door.

For some reason he trusted Remus, so Reg followed him anxiously into the classroom. Someone had opened the window, someone who knew Reg, and a cold breeze blew indoors. Regulus hated feeling hot. He loved Winter. The stillness of the evening filled the space. Sirius stood with his back to him, facing the wall, his eyes blindfolded, standing on his own. As they entered, Remus beckoned to James, Lily and Peter, who moved to stand beside Sirius, without speaking. Remus walked towards the nearest desk where his bag lay. He pulled out a battered violin case, and self-consciously took the violin out and moved to stand beside the group. He looked up at Reg with a small smile, tugged at his shirtsleeves, turned the sheet music, and began playing (A).

It was one of his favourite pieces of music, by an English muggle composer. The music was beautiful, and filled him with a sense of belonging, a love of nature. Perhaps trials and difficulties registered in the cadences of the music, but overall it radiated hope, hope for the future. As he played, he could see the gladness that lit up his friends' faces. James placing his hand on Sirius' shoulder and Lily holding on to Sirius' right hand. He couldn't see Sirius' reaction. An unmistakable calmness had descended on Regulus, as he listened intently. Remus couldn't articulate how he knew this, but he did.

He stopped playing and the group moved away from Sirius, leaving Remus alone with him. Remus took up his violin again, and looked up at Regulus again, this time there was a hint of defiance in his moss green eyes, which Regulus missed completely. He began playing another of his favourite pieces (B). It was clearly a yearning piece of music, desire and love playing lightly on the violin's bittersweet strings.

Sirius recognised the piece immediately but had never heard it rendered so sweetly, so passionately, so intimately. So otherworldly. So very Remus. There were no lyrics, yet it was unmistakably a declaration of love. He bit his lip to contain his emotions, in stillness blindfolded, his other senses intensified, and hearing the mirrored tremor in Remus' hand as he played the final notes. The violin quivered and was silent. Remus turned to his boyfriend and caught his breath, seeing for the first time the gag that a panic-stricken Sirius had insisted James place over his mouth, terrified that he might accidentally say something. He saw the taunt emotion in Sirius' body. Unable to resist touching him, he moved closer and took Sirius' right hand to his lips for a gentle kiss. His eyes met Regulus' as he did so. He saw Regulus' eyes widen, a sudden realisation of everything he had just witnessed – all the rumours he had heard about his brother and Remus were true…

Remus picked up the music stand and moved away, leaving Sirius and Regulus alone in that portion of the room. He picked up the violin again. Without looking at either brother, he played slowly, a lament (C). It was sorrowful, but when the violin strings rose there was beauty and warmth too. It spoke of ache and loss, but also of love. Remus finished playing on a soft, long note and there was a pregnant silence.

"Is there anything you would like to play for me on the piano, Reg?" Remus asked quietly, his cheeks slightly pink - he never played in front of other people, aside from his mother.

Something about Remus, standing still, with restrained power, watchful, protective - Regulus stood, uncertain, before walking slowly towards it and sitting down stiffly on the dust covered seat, straight-backed. He meticulously wiped the piano keys using his sleeves. He held down random keys before playing some chords, and wincing on two occasions.

"This piano is in need of tuning, Potter," he stated, continuing to look straight ahead.

"I'll look into it, Reg," said James, trying not to smile.

"Tuning a piano is a terrible thing to do," Reg continued. "A piano should always be kept in tune. This has crept down in pitch."

James turned to Peter and shrugged. Neither of them had noticed anything off about the notes Regulus had played.

Then quite suddenly Regulus began playing. It was a beautiful, haunting piece that vaguely reminded Remus of Schubert's Fantasy in F minor Part 1 (D). He couldn't take his eyes off Regulus, playing the piano with astonishing poise. Enchanting and eerily evocative. Thin and piercing and dissonant, then at times gentle, resonant, melodious. Melancholic. At times unsettling, unnerving, but drawing you in. Beautiful in a way that made you feel sad and reminded you of a lost past, or a lost future. Without any sheet music.

As abruptly as he had begun, Regulus suddenly halted.

"I am still working on this piece, as a matter of fact, it is yet to be completed," Reg said, looking at Remus for a fleeting moment, his eyes so like Sirius' that Remus caught his breath.

"It's… fucking hell, it's bloody brilliant, Reg!" said James quietly. "I can't believe you wrote that!"

"Sirius plays the piano better than I do, however I am better at composing music," said Reg, very-matter-of-factly, still looking at Remus with an intense gaze.

"That was beautiful, thank you," said Remus, lost for words.

Regulus stood up, his thin frame and the green in his robes made his grey eyes stand out even more vividly. He bowed his head stiffly towards the group and stopped again.

"Lupin, may I borrow the sheet music for those pieces, if it not discommode you? Most unusually, I do not recognise the compositions, and I am exceedingly partial to the music," he said politely.

Remus would never have guessed his enthusiasm from Regulus' formality and lack of vocal inflections.

"Certainly," said Remus. "However, I think you should know that they were both written by muggle composers. It may not be wise for you to practice these in public."

"Muggle?" Reg repeated. "I think not, you must be mistaken. These pieces could not be written by a mud- muggle."

"It is you who are mistaken, Reg," said Lily, without rancour, humming to the first piece they had heard.

Regulus stared at her and then back at Remus.

"Here you are, Reg, I've transfigured the pieces to look like Edward Nott's works," said Remus, handing them to Regulus.

"Thank you," said Regulus, looking back at Lily with confusion.

Remus turned to look at Sirius, standing so still and quiet, alone, his back to them. His chest felt suddenly too tight, leaden. This was too much. And it wasn't enough. The dreadful pity of it all.

"Thank you for coming, Reg," Remus said, his voice sounding hoarse, his throat constricted. "It meant a lot to me."

Regulus looked over at Sirius. He wanted his big brother back. He missed him. Grimmauld Place felt empty and frightening without his fiery presence. It made him anxious. For the first time in his life, his trust in his parents, in everything he held dear, was wavering. Why was everything so confusing? He needed Sirius.

"I hate change," he replied, surprised at how unsteady his voice sounded. "Most especially unexpected change."

Remus heard Sirius cough into his gag. They were in dangerous territory now.

"You better go," he took a deep breath, shaking Regulus' hand too tightly.

"Yes, I have tarried too long… it was the music and… the music, it made me want to stay," said Reg, his voice hardly a whisper.

"Yes, of course, the music," Remus said.

The door closed quietly, and James exhaled.

"Fuck," he muttered to himself, immediately walking over to Sirius and untying him, his eyes searching Sirius' face as he saw the sorrow etched there.

"Can you all please…" Sirius said.

"Yeah, absolutely," said James immediately, beckoning the others to leave.

Remus stood helplessly by the door. He hadn't moved.

"Moony."

Remus was beside him.

"I'm here."

Sirius closed his eyes momentarily.

"Can you please play the second piece again?" he asked, his voice raw.

Remus nodded slowly.

"Anything," he said.

His hands trembled against his will as he took up the violin once more. And Remus played their piece again, only this time Sirius heard it differently, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, watching Remus playing. So desperately devoted and even more beautiful, despite the way the strings shook as Remus' hand refused to steady itself.

"Remus?" Sirius said, as soon as the music stilled.

"Yes?" said Remus, looking up from putting the violin back in its case.

"Do you love me?"

Sirius was looking at him with an unreadable expression in his stormy eyes, almost pewter in this fading light.

"If you need to ask, you're as useless at understanding emotions as your brother, and his lack of ability in that area is stellar," deflected Remus, busying himself with closing the violin case, his hands still trembling.

"Stellar? Ha! Well, you know - Regulus, Sirius, comes with the territory," said Sirius with a wavering laugh as he walked over.

Remus looked at the floor warily.

"Do you?" asked Sirius again, his fingers caressing Remus' hand.

Remus let go of the instrument.

"I do. Very much," he said quietly, finally meeting Sirius' eyes.

Sirius looked shocked.

"You do? Merlin, I don't-"

"Of course. I know you don't, I didn't expect you to feel the same," Remus swallowed. "Don't worry, it's-"

"Shut the fuck up, Remus, and listen to me!" said Sirius, taking hold of both his hands now. "I love you, Remus, I love you so much it hurts. I was trying to tell you I don't deserve you, that you'd be better off with someone-"

He was cut off by Remus, who was now pinning him to the wall.

"I've been in love with you for months now," he said, kissing Sirius' neck slowly.

Liar, he thought, you've been in love with Sirius for years. Perhaps you knew you loved him from the time he played the piano in the shack for the very first time.

"So have I," breathed Sirius, arching his neck back. "Since the very first time we kissed."

Liar, he thought, you've been in love with Remus for years. From the time you saw him in the infirmary bed for the first time, covered in bruises and lacerations, insisting he was fine.

Remus pushed into him and Sirius moaned at the contact.

"Moony," he managed. "Thank you. For Reg, for doing this?"

Remus shook his head. There was so much he wanted to fix for Sirius, that he couldn't.

"It wasn't-" he said, his breath heavy.

"It was," said Sirius. "It meant the world to me."

This beautiful, clever, thoughtful man, with his sarcastic smiles and smouldering passion. This man loved him. For some spectacularly bizarre and wonderful reason, he loved him.

"I found out that Reg practises the piano in the music classroom on the fifth floor, from 7.15pm precisely, until 8pm every Wednesday evening, without fail. On his own. I wondered if perhaps you'd like to watch him play, under the invisibility cloak?" Remus asked when they broke apart.

"Will you come with me?" Sirius said, holding Remus tightly.

Remus held him back in turn, running his fingers soothingly through Sirius' silky strands.

"Yes, of course, as long as you want me there," he said.

So they went, every Wednesday evening, under the cloak, Remus muttering about having to stoop as he was too tall and smiling at Sirius' reaction.

Sirius memorised each new part and played it in secret, finding solace in the music.

Regulus decided that the Music Room was haunted by a shy ghost – occasional creaking floorboards, muffled breaths - which he found strangely comforting.

Remus watched Regulus' eyes change from dull pavement to dull lake with the odd glimmer of sunlight, and Sirius' brooding face change from guilt-ridden to melancholic.

It wasn't enough. It wasn't enough, but it was something.

….

It was a Saturday, Saturday morning at 10am, when Lily found out. She was wearing a dove grey jumper. She never wore that jumper again. Mc Gonagall wanted to speak to them, James and her. They thought it was Head Duties. As soon as they walked into her office and saw Dumbledore standing beside her desk, looking as solemn as she did, Lily knew something was wrong.

"What is it?" she asked immediately, looking from one to the other.

"Sit down, Miss. Evans," said Dumbledore kindly, motioning towards the chair in front of her.

"What's wrong?" she said again, unable to move.

James moved closer to her, taking hold of her hand.

"Miss. Evans, I'm sorry to be the bearer of such sad news. I'm afraid there's been a car accident. There was black ice on the road. Your parents' car swerved and hit a wall. There were no other vehicles involved. I'm afraid they're-"

"Dead," Lily said. "They're dead, aren't they?"

"I'm so sorry, Lily," said Mc Gonagall, her face pinched, looking at Lily with compassion and pity. "So very sorry."

She was so tired of bringing students bad news. Voldemort and his followers had already brought about the deaths of a number of muggle families in the school. She and Dumbledore had investigated the scene of the crash, along with Alastor Moody, checking for signs of dark magic. In case it was Avery's gang. Or in case it was payback for fighting Voldemort last year. It wasn't. It was a simple, tragic accident.

Lily nodded. Her face looked pale.

"Petunia," she said quietly. "Does she know?"

"Yes she does," said Mc Gonagall, glancing at James. "She sent the urgent telegram."

"Poor Penny," whispered Lily. "She's just back from her honeymoon, I should probably go-"

"No, I don't think so," said Mc Gonagall, looking concerned and glancing at James again. "She asked that you attend the funeral which will be in ten days' time, in Connemara, where they both wanted to be buried."

James nodded, placing his arm around Lily who was trembling.

"Oh," said Lily, her voice sounding very small.

"That's alright, Professor," said James, with a worried expression. "We'll go with her, won't we?"

"Of course, Potter," said Mc Gonagall smiling sadly at them. "You and the boys, and Lily's friends, the seven of you should go."

"Thank you, Minnie," said James, looking relieved.

"You're most welcome," said Mc Gonagall quietly, without correcting him.

She turned towards Lily and patted her softly on the shoulder.

"I'm terribly sorry, Dear," she said.

Lily let the Professor give her a tight hug. She felt numb.

James brought her to the Room of Requirement. It looked smaller now, cosier, the fire was roaring. Fluffy blankets lay on the couch and ready-made tea and biscuits. Lily sat down on the edge of the sofa. She seemed dazed.

"Tea?" asked James, his voice catching as he looked at her.

She nodded, staring ahead.

James brought over a large mug and the hot drink warmed her cold hands. James kept his hands over her own, looking at her intently, crouched down on the ground in front of her.

"Lily," he said softly.

"Poor Dad," said Lily, looking into the flames. "He always drove on longer journeys. Mum didn't like driving and he loved it. My poor Dad. It wasn't his fault."

"Of course not," said James, squeezing her hands into his own.

"It was an accident though, wasn't it?" said Lily, her wide green eyes staring into his own.

"It was," said James. "It wasn't Death Eaters, Lily. Dumbledore would have told us."

Lily sighed and gripped the mug.

"At least it wasn't them. I couldn't bear it if Penny blamed me for what happened," Lily whispered again. "She always tries to blame me."

"It's not your fault," said James hoarsely, putting down her tea and wrapping her in his arms tightly.

He felt Lily's shoulders start to heave and stayed there with her, as her silent tears fell.

"I didn't think it would be our last chance to have Christmas together. And I didn't say goodbye to them, James, at Penny's wedding," she said, after a long time, with a pleading look, wiping at her eyes. "We left early, and I never said goodbye, I never told them I loved them."

"I'm so sorry, Lily," James said, feeling awfully guilty. He kissed her forehead and held her close against his chest. "They knew you loved them. They told me how much you meant to them. They loved you, Lily, so much. They were proud of you. You made them very happy."

"I should have said goodbye," Lily sobbed. "I should have said goodbye."

"And Penny," Lily added when her she could speak again. "She doesn't want me around, not even now."

She looked so lost. James didn't say anything. He clenched his jaw tightly. Mc Gonagall had given him the muggle telegram as they left and he had glanced at it on the way, the stark language leaving him stunned.

Mum and dad dead. Car crash. They were driving up to Scotland on surprise visit. If you hadn't gone to that awful school none of this would have happened. I can't help blaming you. Don't come here. Funeral in Connemara. Will forward details. Petunia

Bitch, thought James furiously.

He balled the paper and threw it into the fire. Lily didn't need to read that.

"Penny is… confused," he managed to say. "She's grieving…"

"I know," Lily's breath was uneven. "I just wish we could be there for each other now."

Penny was all the family she had, and if Penny didn't want her…

As if reading her mind, James looked her in the eyes.

"We'll always he here for you Lily. Sirius, Remus and Peter - they love you practically as much as I do, alright?" he said, his hazel eyes blazing. "Dorcas and Emma too, you can count on them. You can count on me. You know that, don't you? We're your family now. I'd do anything for you, Lily."

He kept looking at her steadily, and she knew.

"I know I can count on you," Lily said, closing her red eyes as she pressed herself close to him, his warm presence filling her empty heart. "I know you love me."

Her voice sounded tired. James gave a small smile.

"I'm not sure you realise how much," he whispered to himself.

She fell asleep, exhausted, still fully clothed, on top of the bed, her head on James' lap. She had bags under her puffy eyelids, her hair was a frizzy mess. He loved her so much. A weight had settled on his heart. Fear – for Lily, for what might happen when they graduated, for other muggleborns facing this war.

Fuck Voldemort.

Fuck Petunia too.

"I'm never leaving you," he told her, gently running his hand up and down her arm. "Even if go back to hating me like you used to, I'll always be your friend, I'll always protect you. I'm never going to let anything bad happen to you, Lily, I swear. Voldemort be damned!"

…

They buried her parents in a small cemetery beside the sea, beside Roundstone, their favourite village, near where Rose was born. Petunia and Vernon didn't speak to Lily, aside from inevitable formalities with the priest. It was a freezing cold day, the bitter wind from the Atlantic chilling them to the bone, whipping sand from the nearby dunes into their faces till the stinging forced them to face the other way. Kind words from the other relations, hugs and kisses.

"Come down to O'Dowd's, Lily," said Brid, wiping her swollen eyes. "We'll all be there. You can avoid Penny, we'll see to that."

She looked over at Sirius and Remus, who both nodded instantly. They were furious with Penny and Vernon and it showed.

"Just give me a minute," Lily nodded.

She was so brave, James thought, if he were in this situation, he'd have fallen apart. His own parents weren't going to live forever. He stood behind her and held her close, Dorcas and Emma on either side of her. They were alone at the graveside now.

"Wormy," he turned behind him and beckoned Peter over. "Could you sing that song?"

"What, now?" said Peter, blushing slightly.

"Yeah, now," said James.

Peter took a deep breath.

"Okay," he said.

 _"O, all the money e'er I had,_

 _I spent it in good company._

 _And all the harm that ever I've done,_

 _alas it was to none but me._

 _And all I've done for want of wit_

 _to mem'ry now I can't recall;_

 _So fill to me the parting glass,_

 _Good night and joy be with you all."_ (E)

He sang beautifully, without any accompaniment, the notes blew away into the wind and the sun shone brightly over the glittering sea.

"Thank you, Peter," said Lily, giving Peter a kiss and a hug. "I couldn't bear to leave them like that. But we can go now."

They walked down the hill, James behind her with his hand on her shoulder, the girls beside her and the three boys ahead of them.

She was not alone.

…..

"This is a nightmare," pouted Sirius, throwing himself backwards onto the armrest. "Why did I ever take up Ancient Runes?"

"If you think I'm going to feel sorry for you, you can fuck off, Pads," said Remus, looking up briefly from the Transfiguration essay he was trying to finish. "I gave you my Ancient Runes notes last year, and a few tutorials, and then you got better marks than me in the end of year exams, you bastard."

"Did I?" said Sirius, batting his long dark eyelashes at his boyfriend and feigning surprise.

"Yes, you bastard!" said Remus, unable to hide a smile when he caught Sirius' eye. "I'm never helping you again!"

"You'll help me though, Moony, won't you? You promised," Peter said, trying to sound as anxious as possible.

"Course I will, Wormy," said Remus kindly. "History of Magic, every Thursday evening, we're booked."

"And I'm helping you with Transfiguration," said James, stroking Lily's hair as she leaned into him. "And Lily here is helping us both in Potions, cause we're rubbish at it and I can't afford to fail it outright. My Dad would kill me!"

"Thanks Lily!" said Peter gratefully, sighing with relief. "Lily, I might have to ask you for help in Muggle Studies too, if you have time?"

"Me too!" said Sirius, grimacing.

Peter was delighted. He knew that he could have easily scored in the top half of the year if he bothered. But James and Sirius were disgustingly clever and mostly bored out of their brains in class, which was one of the main reasons they had been such troublesome mischief makers. Remus was incredibly knowledgeable and hard-working, and seemed to know more than some of the Professors. Basically, since first year, he had gotten away with private lessons from his best friends, meaning he hardly had to work at all.

"Alright, I might, if James tutors me in Transfiguration!" said Lily, smiling up at her boyfriend.

"Hey! I'm just as talented at Transfiguration as Prongs! In fact, better!" said Sirius, looking scandalised.

James snorted.

"Yeah, right!" he said, raising his eyebrow at Sirius. "Since when? All you're good at right now is transfiguring everything into mushy Origami love notes for Moony. Even Minnie thinks you're sad!"

Sirius' cheeks flushed pink.

"Minnie does not think I'm sad, she highly approves of my obsession with Moony, I'll have you know!" he said, tossing his hair back defiantly.

"To be fair, she actually does," said James, turning to Peter and shrugging. "She ships them nearly as much as I do!"

Peter and Lily giggled, and Remus rolled his eyes and pretended that he wasn't completely and utterly turned on by Sirius' besotted antics.

James caught Sirius' eye and they both smiled. They had made her laugh. She was still mourning, devastated by her parents' sudden death, crying at times when something small hit her - thinking she heard his voice a few times and finding an empty room, seeing her handwriting in an old letter, smelling Old Spice aftershave and cut flowers out of the blue. Crying her eyes out when her birthday arrived, her 18th Birthday, which was a big deal in muggle families. Petunia "forgot" to get in touch. She cried herself to sleep in James' arms that night. But at times the old Lily shone through. A cheeky comment to Slughorn, a flirty one-liner to James. It was awfully stressful for her trying to study, and they were all vying to help her. They were damned well getting her through the NEWTs and James was going to make sure she did well. Maybe not as well as she would have done in normal circumstances (she would have come first in the class) but outstanding nevertheless.

She was going to need a glowing report once they finished school.

…

"Bertie Bulstrode is missing," said Emmeline at breakfast the next day.

"Bertie? The pompous 5th Year?" asked Sirius, frowning.

"Yeah, him," said Dorcas, glancing at the Slytherin table.

Sure enough, his friends looked concerned, huddled together whispering quietly.

"If it was someone else, I'd be worried," said Remus, looking back at James. "But Bulstrode? Aren't his family Voldemort supporters, even if not Death Eaters?"

"As far as I know they support him financially," said James. "Doesn't make sense."

They were interrupted by the sight of Dumbledore, Mc Gonagall and three Aurors.

"That's Moody, isn't it?" hissed Sirius excitedly, watching the man with the limp and scowling, scarred face. "He's fucking amazing!"

Dumbledore had walked over to the Professors' table and raised his hands, appealing for quiet. His face was white and his eyes sunken. He glanced briefly over at the Marauders. An anxious silence settled on the student body, and a feeling of dread fell on Sirius.

"It's happened," he whispered hoarsely, holding Remus' hand in a vice-like grip.

"Pardon?" said Remus, looking at Sirius with alarm.

"I am sorry to have to tell you some very disturbing news. Some of you will know that one of our students, Bertie Bulstrode, went missing last night and hasn't been seen since. Alastor Moody's team received a tip-off and searched the castle this morning and found… his body. He was murdered."

A cry of alarm went up, along with furious whispering and tears. Dumbledore silenced them again.

"Auror Moody has requested to check some of your wands, again based on this tip-off. I assure you it is just a formality," he added, looking James in the eye. "Perhaps our Head Boy and Head Girl might accompany us?"

James nodded and stood up immediately.

"I'm coming too," said Sirius, white as a ghost.

"No need for you to come along, Mr. Black," said Dumbledore firmly. "Miss. Evans and Mr. Potter will do for the moment."

Lily and James followed the Professors and Aurors into Dumbledore's office.

"This shouldn't take long, Potter," grumbled Moody, taking James' wand. "I've heard a lot of good things about you, but you can never be too sure. Constant vigilance!"

James handed over his wand reluctantly, a feeling of uneasiness growing on him. They hadn't asked for Lily's wand.

"Professor, what's going on?" he asked Dumbledore.

"I'm forcing this wand to reveal the last spell cast by it," said Moody, disregarding James. "Prior Incantato!"

A shadowy form erupted from the tip of James' Wand, Bertie Bulstrode's voice screaming "Potter, what are you doing?" followed by a flash of blinding green light and a rushing sound. Then eerie silence.

James stared at Dumbledore and Moody and gave a short, nervous laugh.

"What the fuck? I didn't do it, I swear, give me veritaserum, anything," he said, feeling sick.

"We'll have to take him in for questioning, Dumbledore," growled Moody, looking supremely annoyed. "I can't leave him here with that sort of evidence against him."

"No! Professor," said Lily, looking at Mc Gonagall with horror. "You can't let them, he didn't do it! He'd never do something like that!"

"Everyone knows Potter and Voldemort's supporters in Hogwarts hate each other," said Moody, cutting across Lily. "We have no choice. All going well, we'll have him back here within forty-eight to seventy-two hours."

He looked doubtful though, regarding Dumbledore with a stern expression. James turned to Dumbledore and saw his stiff face. He saw Mc Gonagall's horrified expression and Lily who looked like she was about to collapse.

"It's alright, it'll be fine," he said, looking at Lily and trying to keep his voice steady. "Forty-eight hours and I'll be back. I haven't done anything wrong. Please don't worry Lily."

The two Aurors stepped forwards, flanking James.

"Please, you can't!" said Lily, tears forming in her eyes. "It's not him!"

"It's alright, don't worry, Lily," James said again, trying to smile at her. "I'll be back, I promise."

Lily had her hand up to her mouth and was nodding while trembling. Mc Gonagall came and put her arm around Lily.

"There has to be a mistake, Moody," said Mc Gonagall angrily. "I would bet my life that Potter is innocent!"

"I'm sure he's innocent too, Minerva," said Dumbledore.

"Professor Mc Gonagall, can you please explain to Sirius that it's nothing to get too worried about? He gets a bit… dramatic, you know?" he said. "And my parents are going to need him to stay calm. They worry too much, being old and all that…"

He tried to smile again.

"Of course, James, I'll talk to Sirius and we'll tell them together," said Mc Gonagall, tight-lipped and ashen faced.

"Thanks Professor," said James. "Can you ask O'Hara to take over as Quidditch Captain till I'm back, just in case there's any…delay?"

Mc Gonagall nodded, her trembling fingers flying to smooth the non-existant wrinkles in her cloak.

"And Professor Dumbledore, I think Remus would very much step into the role of Head Boy if required, we both know he'd be perfect in the role?"

Dumbledore nodded.

"Agreed, Potter, I shall ask him straight away, there's bound to be much concern among the student body and Miss Evans cannot manage it all on her own."

He was talking to James as though James were an equal, Lily thought, as though he were another Professor.

"Thank you, Sir, it will also look good on his CV," said James.

"We have to go, Potter," said Moody gruffly, moving towards the door.

"Of course," said James.

He looked at Lily, and for an instant the façade seemed to crack.

"Goodbye, Lily," he said, swallowing hard. "I love you."

Lily flew forwards and kissed him once.

"I love you, James," she said fiercely, tears streaking her cheeks. "We'll prove it wasn't you, I swear!"

Then they were gone, and Lily found herself standing staring after them, a slender, unyielding figure, willing herself not to scream. The same feeling of wretched loss and grief hitting her like an insurmountable wave. James.

She was not letting James end up in Azkaban. No matter what.

And she felt so alone.

…..

And Sirius waited and waited, dread growing, until he saw Dumbledore and Mc Gonagall returning, voices and images around him blurring in a haze till all he could focus on was the look on Lily Evans' face, a look he had never seen before. Fear. And he knew he was right. Walburga.

And he knew it was all his fault.

...

*Temping: temporary employee (eg secretarial/typing post)

** In Pottermore, Vernon refers to James as "some kind of amateur magician"

A, B & C: all composed by professrmoonylupin on tumbr, utterly brilliant of them to volunteer of their time to write this music, check out their blog on tumblr NOW here is the link:

reblog/182527273136/eVV0eVbZ

A The first part of the violin solo

B The second part of the violin solo

C The last part of the violin solo

D The piece composed by Regulus I imagine sounded something like a piano version of Méditation (Thaïs) violin & orchestra piece watch?v=PhKkjIC2SWk which wolfstarloversunite on tumblr suggested as a possible Wolfstar theme. The story behind it is so beautiful. And I felt it would be beautiful for Regulus too. Check out their blog on Tumblr for full details.

E The Parting Glass – traditional Irish song (Liam Clancy - The Parting Glass – YouTube)

 **Notes:**

 **I keep sticking real life stuff in my fics - My dad died two months before my final exams in college. It was a tough time. The song that Peter sang was sung at my father-in-law's graveside. I am Sirius and my husband is Remus in the Ancient Runes thing (except substitute physics!) I hope the chapter was alright, it was a bit long ?**


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32: The Centre Cannot Hold

"Look at this, Moony!" said Peter. "It's unbelievable! The lies they've printed about James!"

Peter always loved gossip, to the point where he seemed to enjoy other people's misfortunes, and seeing as they were talking about one of their best friends, his eager tone of voice was infuriating Remus.

"Give it," he said tersely, grabbing The Daily Prophet from Peter's hands.

"We were all terrified of him – Our new investigative journalist Rita Skeeter takes an exclusive, no holds barred, look at Hogwarts' Head Boy accused of murder." screamed the headline.

"He was always a bully, right from the start of first year, we were all terrified of him. Potter and his gang were always hexing other students, nasty dark magic, especially towards Slytherin students, for no reason. We used to dread bumping into him in the corridors, especially if one of us was alone. It was like he was immune from trouble with the Professors. We guessed it was because of his parents being so filthy rich." So says one of the Slytherin students in Seventh Year, who agrees to speak with me on condition he remain anonymous. He says it's because of fear of retribution. "One of the boys in his gang would definitely come after me if I give you my name, and I wouldn't be able to defend myself," he says, peering around in obvious fear.

"I'm disgusted he was ever made Head Boy, makes me sick," says another classmate from Slytherin. "He had a vicious streak, nearly got expelled in Fifth Year. Should have been. Yet, lo and behold, he's Head Boy. Madness. Even the Head Girl hated him. She always stood up to him and hated him for years? Then suddenly I heard they were dating. Dating? I nearly choked. She was obviously too intimidated to say no to him any longer. I don't know how she put up with him. I've no doubt she extremely relieved to be rid of him and hoping he gets sent to Azkaban for good. Pretty much told me so herself, in as many words. Of course, she'll deny it if you ask her, she's terrified of him too, poor thing." The student shakes his shoulder-length hair sadly and looks very emotional.

I ask the first student if that isn't going a bit too far.

"I couldn't agree more," the first student insists. "I'm wondering if he used the Imperius Curse to force her into dating him, I wouldn't put it past him. He's got a bad reputation when it comes to women. I heard he treats her very badly, that he's very controlling of her. I'm loathe to suggest such a vile thing about a fellow Pureblood wizard, but I think the Ministry should check his wand just to be sure."

Both students look very depressed as they tell me about the low morale among students in Hogwarts. They don't hold out much hope that the teachers can keep the student body safe.

"Potter and his friends nearly got me expelled over false allegations last year," the first student adds, sniffing tearfully. "My parents were appalled. Thank Merlin Professor Dumbledore cleared me."

I am shocked at the revelations I hear from these brave students. I approach other students to talk to me about James Potter, but they seem reluctant and gets very angry with me when I gently try to probe, as though afraid to be seen talking to me. The two students agree with my observations.

"His friends are very intimidating. Potter tried to kill me in Fifth Year. Potter's family must have paid off some members of the Board of Management because nothing came of it. I was treated abominably," says the thinner boy, who looks visibly shaken.

I ask the poor boy if he is still traumatised by what happened, and he nods.

"One of Potter's friends was particularly nasty. I can't say more, except that what he did to me was criminal, and shortly afterwards, he ran away from home and now lives with the Potters. His parents are devastated. They've never gotten over it, it's shocking. Such a lovely family too."

"He's mentally unstable, threatened to come after his little brother to kill him," interrupts the first student, looking very upset. "He hates his little brother so much, it's truly tragic. He tried to attack his brother at home one day, I heard he tried to cast a Crucio on him, and they had to intervene. I'm surprised that he hasn't been charged with attempted murder, I personally think his parents were too good to him. They had to ban their terrified younger son from seeing his brother, it's horrid," he concludes. "I have a feeling that the Potters were forced by their son to take in his delinquent friend. I've heard Potter is very nasty towards his parents. Bullies them mercilessly and demands money from them all the time. They live in fear of him. You'd have to feel sorry for them, poor things, they're very elderly."

Remus put down the paper. He couldn't read any more of the article. His hands were shaking.

"Peter, I think I'll be in detention for some time after today," he said, standing up. "I'm sorry it means I won't be able to tutor you in History of Magic."

Remus looked cool and composed, but Peter knew him too well. The glint in his eyes was murderous. Peter gulped and nodded, glancing outside to make sure he wasn't mixing up his lunar calendar.

"Okay… fuckety, fuckety, fuck!" he muttered to himself, nodding at Remus.

"Good," said Remus curtly, picking up the paper again and walking towards the Slytherin table where Wilkes and Snape were sitting.

"Fuck!" groaned Peter, looking over at the Professors' table and back at Remus, whose long strides had almost reached his target, vacillating between coming to Remus' aid and screaming at the teachers.

Remus placed the newspaper down lightly on the table and stared at Snape and Wilkes.

"I suggest you retract those lies," he said, his voice deadly calm.

Snape and Wilkes stared back. Wilkes looked slightly disconcerted, Snape positively scared.

"You might want to give it some thought," Remus said, pointing his wand at Snape. "The way I'm feeling at the moment, you're lucky I'm don't do worse."

"Bracas Igni*," he intoned calmly.

"What the fuck are you playing at, Lupin?" hissed Snape, who had never heard of that spell before.

He felt an unusual heat in his trousers, and stood up quickly, just as Wilkes was also hit by Remus's spell. He couldn't see anything, but the sensation of his legs being on fire persisted painfully.

"Did you just set my trousers on fire, Lupin?" shouted Wilkes, wincing and jumping from foot to foot.

"Liar, liar," replied Remus coldly. "Ask Snape, he's half-muggle, he gets it."

Snape and Wilkes yelped with pain and made to leave the Great Hall, cursing loudly.

"Detention, both of you, for three weeks," the shaking voice behind Remus was Lily Evans'.

The two opened their mouths to protest but the pain in their legs was getting the better of them.

"Mr. Wilkes, Mr. Snape, my office, immediately!"

Remus had never seen Mc Gonagall look so angry in his entire life.

"Longum Nasum mendacibus!**" said Lily, ignoring the Head of Gryffindor, hitting them both with a multi-coloured spell in front of the terrifying Professor.

"Miss Evans! What do you think you're doing?" cautioned Mc Gonagall sharply.

"They lied," she shot defiantly. "Vicious, horrible lies."

"No we didn't!" said Wilkes heatedly. "Fucking Merlin, my legs are killing me! Lupin attacked me, Professor, it's agony!"

Snape's eyes grew wide as he watched Wilkes' nose grow by three inches.

"Really, Wilkes? Not interested," Lily said, folding her arms, her green eyes narrowing. "Snape?"

"Er, most of what I said was true," Snape said, alarmed as his own nose shot forwards even longer.

"What in Morgana's hell is happening?" yelled Wilkes, looking furious.

"Ask Snape, he's half-muggle, he knows," Lily replied, tucking her wand back inside her pocket. "You're lucky Professor Mc Gonagall arrived when she did."

Remus laughed aloud then, shaking his head lightly. The sound had more than a hint of a snarl about it.

"Well played, Evans," he said.

All the muggleborn students and some of the half-blood students had started to clap, making Lily smile briefly.

"I'll deal with you both later, Miss. Evans and Mr. Lupin," said Mc Gonagall firmly. "You two, Wilkes and Snape, follow me, Professor Dumbledore wants to see you both immediately. You are a disgrace to this school."

If only looks could kill, thought Remus.

"But my legs!" howled Wilkes. "Make it stop."

"Professor Dumbledore may know the counter-spell," said Minerva. "I can't say I do."

"Any word from Sirius?" asked Lily quietly as they watched the back of Mc Gonagall's cloak swishing angrily.

Remus hesitated, recalling the most recent owl he had received from his boyfriend.

Dearest Moony,

I fucking miss you. A lot. I had no idea Mum and Dad were ill until I went home with Mc Gonagall. They've both had a relapse of Dragon Pox. It's pretty bad at their age. They're besides themselves worrying about Prongs. So am I. And about them as well.

They can't get any decent Legal Counsellors to defend his case. I don't know what to do. There's only two weeks to go till the trial starts. I don't know how this case skipped ahead of a list of other serious crimes, but I can take a wild guess. I'm accompanying them to meet Moody tomorrow to see if he can help. Dumbledore and the Professors can't 'cause they've being called as witnesses for the Prosecution. Fucking nightmare.

I swear to you, my family is behind this. I don't know what to do. I'll have to do something.

Please can you and Evans start trying to figure out what the fuck happened? I'm staying here with Mum and Dad, they need help and they won't accept it from anyone else. Being here is helping them, so they say. I can't leave them, what if something happened and I wasn't here? I've asked Minnie and she's sending me on all the notes I'm missing from classes. She's a fucking angel. I've done more swotting in the past week than in all of Seventh Year. Mum is proud of me. At least it's making her smile occasionally.

I'm playing Reg's piece a bit, the piano helps.

I don't know what to do. I'm so worried about Prongs.

Love to Wormy and Lily. Poor Lily, this shit on top of everything else… give her a big hug from me. Tell her I won't let anything bad happen to her future husband.

I love you so much, it's hard to put it into words. You're what's keeping me going.

Yours faithfully,

Sirius

"Yeah," he answered after a pause, his voice unsteady. "It's not good news so far. No progress at all. It looks like James might need some help from Evans & Lupin again? Not ideal, I know…"

Lily nodded, white faced. Remus could see the dark circles under her eyes. Her uniform looked too loose on her.

"Lily, you're not eating," he said gently. "You need to eat."

"I can't," she whispered, rubbing her eyes. "And I can't get to sleep either."

"Oh, Lily," said Remus, sighing heavily. "We'll get you some dreamless sleep potion, and you must eat. James will kill me if you've lost your figure by the time he gets back."

He winked at Lily and she snorted back, giving him a dig with her elbow.

"I'll try," she said bravely, trying to smile at Remus reassuringly.

"You're not alone Lily, Wormy and I will help," he said.

His smile was so warm and sincere.

"I love you Remus John Lupin," she sighed, squeezing his arm. "Don't tell Sirius I said so!"

…..

"Number 34?" the portrait of Eldritch Diggory (Minister of Magic from 1733-1747) yawned.

Mr. Potter stood up slowly, as Sirius gently helped his wife to her feet. Carefully weaving their way through the queue, they followed a beleaguered looking Ministry Official into the adjoining office. Two Aurors were sitting at their desks.

"Moody," said Monty, shaking the other man's hand cordially.

"Monty, Mia, I've heard a lot of good things about you," the Auror said, gesturing them towards two chairs in front of him. "And?"

He looked at Sirius suspiciously. Tall, dark hair, those grey eyes, that nose…

"Our son," said Mia firmly, placing her hand on Sirius' shoulder protectively. "Our wonderful son, Sirius Black."

"Ah, vaguely remember now, some sort of falling out with his family, what?" said Moody, scrunching his nose. "What can I do for you?"

Falling out, thought Sirius, call it that if you will…

The second Auror, a lean man with a crooked nose, glanced over at Sirius with undisguised hostility. Sirius felt himself cringe inwardly and looked down at the floor. They thought he was like his parents, he guessed. If he applied to become an Auror, would they ever trust him enough, or would they make some up some excuse to refuse his application? A strong urge to scream at the man nearly overpowered him, but he bit his cheek and said nothing as Moody motioned for them to sit down.

"We're here in relation to our other son, James," began Monty, leaning forwards. "We've had no correspondence from the Aurors' Office in relation to what's happening. Has he been questioned? Has the Ministry Pensieve found anything? We've been left completely in the dark since he was arrested!"

"I see. Well that's damned ridiculous, you should have been told," said Moody gruffly. "Nothing has shown up in the Pensieve as far as I know. Your son wasn't able to account for the killing curse which showed up on his wand history, he was adamant that he hadn't lent it to anyone and that it hadn't been missing. We're still interviewing students and teachers. Why isn't your Legal keeping you updated, eh?"

"We haven't managed to employ one yet," said Mia, her eyes flashing angrily.

"Why not, you fools?" said Moody, looking annoyed. "He's going to need a bloody good one! What are you waiting for?"

"It's not like we haven't tried, Moody," snapped Mia. "Our own Legal Counsellor retired last year, ill health, his brain's not what it used to be and all that. And he recommended his son, excellent reputation."

"And?" said Moody impatiently.

"Already engaged in another lengthy legal case," said Mia, her voice shaking with emotion. "Every single good Counsellor we tried to contact is otherwise engaged. All of them, and I mean all, in litigation involving the Black family. They're currently involved in at least thirty legal cases, most of them spurious. It's not a coincidence, I can assure you."

Moody raised his brow.

"What do you mean?"

"It's hardly by chance that they have snapped up every skilled Counsellors in the country, and that any of the mediocre ones we tried to hire refused to take the case, despite being offered ten times the going rates!" continued Mia, her face drawn.

"Why not?" said Moody.

"Intimidation," said Monty, sighing heavily as he slumped in his seat, exhausted. "They're scared. Didn't say so outright, but a few of them hinted at it. Percival Burbridge eventually agreed to take the case for an astronomical fee. Two days later, he ends up practically dead in St. Mungo's, reportedly run over by a muggle contraption. He pulled out immediately. Poor man, I feel dreadful."

"Huh," said Moody, regarding them suspiciously. "Any proof to back up what you're saying?"

"Of course not, Moody," said Monty, leaning back in the chair, closing his eyes momentarily.

"You alright?" said Moody sharply.

"Yes, yes," said Monty, waving his hand dismissively. "We're both getting over a dose of Dragon Pox. Not infectious any longer, no need to panic."

"Hmm," said Moody. "You should both still be on bed rest, if you ask me!"

"Nobody asked for your opinion, Moody, and I'm the only one here qualified to give a sensible one," said Mia haughtily. "The Healer gave us the all clear yesterday."

Sirius heard Moody mutter something under his breath. Moody was fucking right, he thought. They looked dreadful. They hadn't let James or him know about their illness because they had insisted their boys had "too many things to worry about as it was" and needed to study for their NEWTs. But Dragon Pox at their age? It was easily enough to kill you. Sirius' knuckles were white.

"We approached one or two pureblood firms in desperation, those firms with clear supremacist leanings? They laughed at us and refused to even hear what we had to say," continued Mia. "Walburga and Orion Black are behind this."

"Why?" asked Moody.

Sirius' leg had been jigging in agitation since he sat down. As soon as Moody spoke, he froze, looking at Mia and Monty.

It's my fault. It's because of me. It's my fault.

"It's my fault," Sirius said haltingly.

His voice sounded pathetic, shredded, like he was trying not to cry.

"IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, SIRIUS!"

Despite her ill-health, Mia's voice boomed and under her furious gaze all the men in the room cowered slightly. The Ministry Official scratched at his receding hairline and made a vague noise that sounded like an apology, before hastily leaving the room.

"Mum, it's true," said Sirius. "What I mean is…"

"Utter damned nonsense, young man!" scoffed Monty quietly, clicking his tongue in disapproval. "Nothing to do with you. Walburga and Orion Black are steeped in dark magic. We oppose everything they stand for. So do you. So does James. It's that simple."

"Of course, it's damned obvious," agreed Moody, looking extremely pissed off. "Can't prove a thing though, not at the moment. I've put one of my best trainee Aurors on your son's case. She's nearly qualified and bright as a button. She's also keeping an eye on him, so nobody tries anything while he's in custody."

"Thanks Moody, much appreciated," said Monty, with a slight catch in his throat. "Is there anyone else you could spare to work the case? I think it's complex, ancient dark magic, I'd be willing to bet."

"Afraid not," said Moody, scowling again. "There's been a huge spike in muggle attacks since your son was arrested. All our best Aurors are out on the field. Bad timing."

"Timing, my arse," muttered Sirius, gripping the side of the chair ever tighter.

"He didn't kill anyone, Moody!" said Mia, who still looked livid. "And I'm not letting him rot in Azkaban!"

"I don't suppose you were involved in the murder, were you, Mr. Black?" sneered the other Auror, who had been silently listening the entire time.

He gave Sirius a filthy look and continued staring at him.

"Mc Kinnon," cautioned Moody, frowning at the other Auror.

"Fucking wanker!" Sirius stood up, shaking with rage. "How dare you think I'd set up my own brother-"

He made a lunge for the Auror and felt Monty's frail hand grasp his arm. He stopped immediately, ashamed of himself.

"Sorry, Dad," he muttered, his heart still racing and the blood pounding in his head.

He didn't want to cause trouble for them, not with everything they were going through.

"It's alright, son," said Monty calmly. "Mc Kinnon was being a dick."

Moody snorted despite himself.

"Seconded," said Mia, shooting Mc Kinnon an icy glare. "Sirius, I'm tired. Please take me home."

She looked at Sirius and swayed slightly. His stomach lurched. She looked so unlike herself, so old. It always startled him when he thought about how genuinely old the Potters were. They always seemed so much younger, vibrant, full of life. Now they both looking spent and ill. And so very faded, and tired.

"Of course," Sirius said immediately, gently taking her hand and placing his arm through hers to support her. "I'm so sorry. We should leave."

"Thank you, Dear," said Mia, sending him a warm smile and patting his arm with her other hand.

As they walked slowly towards the floo network, Mia turned to Sirius once more.

"We'd be lost without you, Sirius, I can't thank you enough," she said quietly.

There were tears in her eyes and Sirius wanted to die of shame and self-loathing. He shook his head, unable to speak.

…

"Hey, is that book any good?" he asked eventually.

James was looking out at the young trainee Auror. She had been sitting directly outside his cell for a couple of hours, reading a text called "Unauthorised Portkeys – Pitfalls, Curses and Round Trips". She looked professional but friendly, with short blonde hair, an upturned nose and round face. He looked at the other cells. He didn't like the look of any of the other inmates awaiting trial. Most of them had been staring at him with stony glares, if not downright hostility, hardened criminals. He felt too young. He felt cold, as though a stiff wind was winding its way around the holding cells. There was only a stone bench to sit or lie on.

"Huh?" she turned and stared at him with mild surprise.

"The book?" he said. "I'm so bored. I'm James. James Potter. And you are?"

"Fortescue," she replied briefly, giving him a small smile, and returning to her reading. "Alice Fortescue."

"Do you like it, Alice?" he said, rubbing his hands over his arms. "Would you recommend Auror training? I mean, so far?"

"It has its moments," she said after a short pause. "I shouldn't really be talking to you."

"Oh. Sorry," said James, looking crestfallen. "I didn't realise."

A broad man opposite them laughed aloud.

"Ha! Probably wanted to train as an Auror, poor sod!" he said, looking pleased with himself.

A couple of others snorted.

"I was considering it," said James calmly, folding his arms and staring back.

"Head boy!" a gaunt man laughed, holding onto the iron bars tightly. "Wait till the dementors see you, they'll be swarming all over you, so many happy memories to devour they won't know what's hit them! Doting parents, quidditch hero, the lot!"

"How do you know who I am?" said James, feeling suddenly colder.

"Bad news travels fast, my boy," sneered the man.

"You're not going to last long in Azkaban anyway, Potter," said a third man, lounging against the wall of his cell. "You killed one of ours. That won't go unpunished in there."

"It won't exactly be a bed of roses for you either, love," said James coolly.

Alice snorted and gave him an appraising look. She flicked her wand and turned towards him.

"I've used Muffliato on their cells, it'll wear off in a few minutes," she said. "You okay?"

"Mmm," said James vaguely. "They think I killed someone. Can I ask you, why won't they let me take Veritaserum? I volunteered to take it!"

"It's complicated," Alice sighed. "In the context of a Hearing, people were admitting to all sort of illegal activities without being asked about them. Incriminating themselves, basically. It was felt to be unethical. Some Legal Counsellors were purposely trying to incriminate witnesses and defendants. So it's not recommended, and it will shortly become unlawful to use it as evidence."

If he took Veritaserum, he could unwittingly reveal that the Marauders were unregistered Animagi and that Remus was an accessory to a crime for failing to report them, that Dumbledore knew Remus was a werewolf. He could end up sending all the Marauders to Azkaban…

"Fucking bloody fucking bollocks!" said James, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "I was relying on being able to prove my innocence that way!"

Alice raised her left eyebrow marginally.

"Smooth," she commented, watching him pacing up and down his small cell. "You know, you should probably use it in your case, I doubt you've done anything that would be considered illegal."

"I can't," said James.

He waved his hand in an off-hand manner when she cocked her head quizzically.

"Trust me, I can't," he said. "A minor issue, involving the Forestry Violations, pest control, you know, that sort of lark…"

He slumped down onto the bench and hid his face in his hands.

"What about the memories they took, will they have used the Ministry Pensieve by now? It's been over a week already. Nothing's going to show up on them, I could bet my life on it!" he said, after some time, looking over at Alice.

"I don't know, Potter," Alice said. "I'll do my best to find out for you, alright?"

"Thanks Alice, you're a star," said James.

He wondered how Lily was doing, he felt so useless stuck in that cell, just when she needed all the support she could get.

"It sucks being here," said Alice kindly, seeing his worried frown.

"Yeah. I wish… my girlfriend, she's amazing, you wouldn't believe how wonderful she is. Her parents just died in an accident and… I just wish I was there for her. That's all. I'll make it up to her whenever they let me go."

"I'm sure you'll be able to prove that you didn't kill anyone," Alice said.

She sounded like she didn't quite believe it.

"I'm sure I will. My parents must have gotten a Counsellor by now to represent me, so hopefully I'll be meeting them soon," said James.

"Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't met them yet, actually," said Alice. "I'll try to help out if I can. Moody has assigned me to guard you here, but I can do some field work if needs be."

"My parents will have it sorted out, they're brilliant. Probably making sure they get someone good enough," James smiled fondly. "I trust them. It'll all work out. I know it will."

"I like you," said Alice, smiling at him. "Are you always so positive?"

"What's not to like?" said James, his dimple showing. "My brother thinks I have an annoying positive bias. Do you think you could lend me your book? Otherwise I'll keep talking at you, you know. I have a problem with shutting up."

Alice snorted. She slipped the copy of Unauthorised Portkeys into his cell.

"One last thing," said James. "Do you think you could get a message to my friend Remus? It's his birthday today."

"You want me to send a message saying happy birthday? That's using up your one opportunity to contact anyone, you know that?" said Alice.

"Oh. Right," said James, stopping momentarily. "Yeah, please do, it would mean a lot to me."

"Right, if you're sure?" said Alice.

"Sure," said James. "Happy birthday and love to you all, or something like that."

"What's your girlfriend called?" Alice asked.

"Lily. Lily Evans," said James.

"I'm going to send two messages," said Alice. "Don't tell Moody, he'll kill me."

….

"Lily, is that you? How did you get in here?" James asked in hushed tones, staring at her.

She shimmered in the moonlight, her eyes sparkling radiantly, her loose hair falling onto his chest as she smiled down at him. There was nobody else in the holding cells. No guards. The stone bench had turned into a soft double bed.

"Easily," she said, smiling happily. "I knew you needed cheering up."

She bent down towards him and kissed his lips softly.

"I love you, James Fleamont Potter," she whispered.

"Is this a dream?" James asked, as he kissed her back, tracing the strap of her nightdress.

"Of course it is, you daft eejit," she smiled at him again. "I told you, I knew you needed cheering up."

"I did," he said, bringing their foreheads together and grinning at her.

"And I needed cheering up too," she said. "It's a win-win situation."

He saw something tremulous in her bright eyes and a surge of affection and love swelled within him. He kissed her again, wrapping his arms around her and whispering in her ear.

"I'm so sorry, Lily, you didn't need any of this," he said.

"Hush, James," Lily said. "Stop worrying about me."

He couldn't help it.

"What would I do without you?" he said instead.

She didn't answer him, only pressed herself closer to him.

"Make love to me," she said simply.

So he did.

…

Sirius stood rooted to the spot, trying to steady his breathing. Just looking at that damned house made him shiver uncontrollably, made the hairs on his neck stand up, felt like his throat was closing up. For a second, he was back in the Green Room, writhing on the floor, hearing himself screaming, re-living the agony of his last day in Grimmauld Place. He couldn't go through with it. He was too scared. He didn't want to face them. He knew exactly how they would react. He had vomited beside the lamppost twice already. Coward.

Was it a mistake, that he was sorted into Gryffindor? How wonderfully apt that on this very day he should discover he was a coward. He didn't belong there, with the others. Had he not rebelled, had he been sorted in the Green and Silver, like a dutiful son, none of this would have come to pass.

It was all his fault. His fault. A sudden wave of guilt washed over him, so much worse than the fear. He wanted to scream to the gods at the cruelty of it, at the injustice. It was unbearable. He moved, practically sprinting towards number twelve, and forcing himself up the steps, he rang the doorbell, slightly out of breath.

Nobody answered.

He waited, noticing how the evening shadows crept around corners, crawled upon the walls and ate up the vestiges of colour in the gardens nearby. Spring turned to dim decay. It was late. Somebody had to be home, if nothing else, Kreacher was always there. He wondered how long he should stay there. Was this part of his humiliation? His mother knew he hated waiting, and queuing, how impatient he was. He stood silently by the door for what felt like an eternity, then pressed the ornate snake knocker once more. It was positioned too high on the door, unreachable save to those tall and elegant as the Blacks – intimidating, elitist. No answer. He sighed heavily, leaning his head against the door, hand above him still holding the metal plate shaped like protruding fangs.

Suddenly the door swung open, and he gasped with shock. Or fear. Kreacher stood on the other side, looking at him in malevolent silence.

For a second, Sirius found himself unable to speak. Kreacher began closing the door in his face.

"Stop!" he said, pushing his foot forwards to stop the door from shutting. "I wish to speak with Mother!"

"Mother?" replied Kreacher coldly. "Whose mother?"

His mouth felt parched.

"Mrs. Black," he whispered. "I need to speak with her, on urgent business. I think she'll want to hear what I have to say."

"Wait here. I shall see if she deigns to receive you," Kreacher ordered, and disappeared into the gloomy interior.

Sirius' eyes flashed with contempt, but he nodded stiffly, digging his nails into his palms. He could do this.

"Mrs. Black will see you now," Kreacher said, and Sirius wanted to punch his sneering little face, as he followed the house elf down the bottle green corridor.

Mother's Study. Sirius almost laughed aloud. The place where his mother used to see all unwelcomed visitors. She was sitting at her desk, opening the morning post, her serpent letter opener slashing through the seals on the parchments. She barely acknowledged his presence - a brief lift of her eyes. There was nowhere for guests to sit down. Intentionally. He stood awkwardly, desperate to control his staccato breaths. She wasn't planning on making this easy. Pretend you're Remus, he thought to himself, what would Remus do?

"Mother, Mrs. Black..." he stared at her glossy hair, pinned up in a complicated classical chignon, at her expensive robes with the high collar, at the heavy eye makeup and rich berry lipstick. She was barely forty and yet she would have passed for ten years younger, were it not for the eyes. They were at once both dead and deadly, the cold contempt in her arched brow and the serpent in her hand, like a dagger ready to strike. He could feel his hands trembling. Remus wouldn't beat about the bush, Sirius thought, he would be calm, direct and blunt - ruin the Potters' life or ruin mine, your choice.

"I'll put all my cards on the table, Mother. I understand there is overwhelming evidence to convict James Potter and send him to Azkaban for life," he said, trying to imitate Remus' wry smile when he was feigning indifference to a particularly annoying Sirius. "I know this is your doing."

Her right eyebrow raised marginally, just like his own was wont to do when his interest was piqued.

"Continue," said Walburga, sitting back on her chair, and regarding him coldly.

"Unless new evidence comes to light, exonerating him," Sirius continued. "If you are willing to make that happen, before a trial, I am willing to offer my services to Lord Voldemort. I will join the Death Eaters, obviously once I have passed any tests necessary to prove my loyalty. I am happy to leave Hogwarts immediately to join the cause, to fight against Dumbledore, and anyone opposed to Voldemort's aims."

Walburga regarded him with a cruel smile.

"Well, well, well," she said, her white teeth shining against her dark lips. "And how could this possibly be of interest to me?"

"It would prove you were right all along, about everything," Sirius said.

"That you were wrong?" said Walburga scornfully. "That's hardly newsworthy."

"Yes, that I was wrong," said Sirius. "Entirely wrong. About everything."

He watched his mother's face carefully.

"If we accepted your deal," said Walburga slowly. "You would be required to send an open letter to The Prophet, denouncing Dumbledore, and Mc Gonagall, confirming that you should have been sorted into Slytherin, that you despise all Gryffindors, that you are now fighting for Lord Voldemort and wish to end all mudbloods."

He would die at the hands of Voldemort rather than aid him.

"Of course," he said, too quickly.

She looked disappointed.

"And the Potters, you would be required to state in the letter that you despise them, that you only ever used them, because of a small family misunderstanding. That you despise James Potter and always did."

James would know he was lying. Yet it was so alien to him to be disloyal, it made him want to scream. It would hurt his parents, the Potters, and they were already frail.

"Yes," he said, knuckles white, watching as his mother's mouth turned upwards.

"And your... boyfriend," Walburga spat out, locking eyes with him. "The letter would need to clearly state that you used Lupin to spite your family, that you were never gay and never had any real feelings for him. That you lied to him, that you despise him, and he meant nothing to you."

James would know. But Remus. Would Remus know he was lying? With his self-loathing, so quick to believe that he wasn't good enough? How had losing Moony not registered in his mind when he came up with this plan? Remus didn't deserve this. He'd get over it in time. But Remus didn't deserve this.

"Yes, I understand," he chocked, unable to stop a tremor reaching his voice.

"Good. Very good," said Walburga, smiling, gloating. "Lord Voldemort may have other plans for you. Marriage perhaps, although I wouldn't be surprised if he arranged a number of dangerous missions, suicide missions, for you."

Sirius felt relief flooding him.

"Yes, of course," he said.

"Or not," said Walburga, getting up, letter opener in hand. "I shall personally ask the Dark Lord to allow you some respite at home, with your loving parents. To mould you, to break you down, so you can emerge with some sort of semblance of dignity, and I some semblance of justice?"

Not here, in this Godforsaken house, not here with them, having to endure whatever they throw at me, without fighting back, as he had always done. He couldn't help it, the colour drained from his face and he bit his lip hard. He stared at the ground, trying to slow down his breathing.

"There, there, Sirius, Darling, you know what you have to do."

He shuddered as her hand pushed his chin upwards, forcing him to look at her. And then he knew. He saw the venom, malice, vengeance in her face mixed with a strange triumphant tenderness. It was the way she had looked at him when he was younger, when he had still begged her to stop, still asked for her help. When he was a broken mess, how she had sometimes spoken kind words to him, let him sit near her.

Only when she had broken him. And he knew what to do.

He let her see it – his body shaking, his hyperventilation, his panic, his despair, the tears in his eyes.

"Mother," he said. "I'm sorry…"

"Hush, Darling. Mother will make you better," said Walburga, stroking his hair.

He closed his eyes and shuddered involuntarily.

She had chosen to ruin his life. His plan had worked.

"Will the delightful Potters be expecting you home?" Walburga asked after a while, with false concern, unable to keep the glee from her voice. "Do you think they'll be getting worried?"

"Yes, they will," said Sirius, opening his eyes.

He looked out of the window at the darkness, suddenly concerned. He didn't want them to go looking for him.

"Mum needs help with the cooking, they haven't been well lately. I should go. I shall return as soon as I have proof that James is safe, and that you removed the curses on his wand, or whatever you did. Would you like me to sign anything, or is my word good enough for you?"

He would have time to say his goodbyes. Once he was sure that James was no longer in danger, he would return here. It made him feel sick. He looked distractedly back from the window at his mother, caught off guard. Only then did he realise something was wrong. Very wrong. Her mood had abruptly changed. She looked furious.

"How dare you, slipping that in as though I wouldn't notice, casually, as though I wouldn't care," she hissed.

The letter opener was under his jaw now, and it was sharp.

"What?" he said.

He had never been so confused in all his life.

"I didn't mean to offend you. Did I say something wrong?"

He inhaled sharply as he felt the tip of the serpent cut into him.

"Mother, stop!" he begged. "Whatever I said, I didn't mean it!"

"You should have been in Slytherin," she said coldly. "You've become such a consumate liar, Sirius, I'm surprised I never knew. Did they teach you, the Potters, how to lie convincingly?"

"What?" he croaked, desperately trying to understand what was happening. "What are you talking about?"

She was terrifying. He had just managed to persuade her to accept his offer, and now it was spiralling out of his grasp.

"You can go back and tell your parents that it's over. That they won't be getting their real son back. That he will be going to Azkaban indefinitely. Tell them Mrs. Black said no. Tell them she said they can keep you, a convenient, second rate replacement. You're vaguely related in any case."

She was so close to him, surely she could see his confusion, his distress?

"Mother, please! What-"

She hurled the serpent violently and it landed on the inlaid ivory desk, reverberating wildly, and he flinched.

"Get out!" she screamed. "Now!"

He hesitated. He couldn't leave, not now, not when he was so close to getting what he came for.

"Mother, I swear to you-"

The back of her hand slapped him forcefully across the face, causing him to stumble backwards.

"Don't you dare call me that! You are no son of mine!" she screamed. "If you ever show your face in this house again, I shall have you executed on the spot. Get. Out!"

Still he stayed, the imprint of her hand on his cheek, the cut made by the diamond ring dripping down his neck, staring at his mother. He opened his mouth as though to speak.

"You never listen! Fuck you! You traitor! I told you to shut up! For once in your life, shut up! For once in your fucking life!" she was screaming so loudly her voice was becoming hoarse, spit flying into Sirius' face, hands fisted, her face grotesquely distorted. He had never seen her like this. She seemed to have forgotten her wand which lay untouched beside the silver tray containing the post. Her eyes strayed to a silver candlestick on the mantlepiece, richly decorated with delicate ivy and a viper entwined. Solid silver. Then it was a weapon in her hand, falling time and time again on Sirius' head and back and neck.

"Get! Out! Get! Out! Traitor! Get! Out!"

He was cowering in the corner now, hands up, trying to protect his head and neck against the blows. He had his wand in his pocket, wonderfully transfigured to look like a muggle cigarette lighter. He needed to use it, he needed to get out. But he couldn't. Not when his goal was so close.

"Please, stop… ah!" he hissed in between blows. "Fuck! Stop, please!"

Walburga was tiring now, her arm trembling, her breath uneven as she towered over him.

"Get… out, I said no. Never in a million years will I agree to this!" she said. "Go! Or I'll Crucio you to within an inch of your life!"

She moved towards the ivory desk, searching for her wand. He could hear his father's heavy footsteps descending the stairs, no doubt alerted by his mother's screams. That relentless haste synonymous with his anger - he knew without looking that his Father's wand was already raised, and a string of vicious curses ready to fall. It was pointless to stay, she wasn't going to change her mind now. If they both attacked him, he'd be lucky to make it out alive. He turned and fled, panic overtaking him. He felt dizzy and disorientated, pounding pain in the back of his skull, double vision as he staggered into the hall, falling down the steps outside the house, narrowly missing multiple curses from Orion's wand which rebounded off the iron railings. His father's vitriolic hatred following him, the unforgivable curse finding its mark just as he apparated.

…

Walburga sat at her desk once more, unopened mail in front of her, stabbing at the solid ivory desk with the letter cutter which she had retrieved, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Every so often, her gaze would shift to the tall window on her left and she would strike the serpent more viciously into the pale, intricately carved surface.

"Mum and Dad! Lying scum! They won't want him when their own son disappears. He'll have nobody. Good riddance! Vile creature!"

There were unshed tears in her eyes. The sleek, imposing owl stared back at her with its beady grey eyes, unblinking. Like his grey eyes. Uncowed. Untamed. Ungrateful.

The serpent went flying with deadly accuracy and impaled itself deep inside the owl's chest. It fell to the floor without a sound. Walburga took a deep breath and began reading the letter in her hand.

…..

"This War Council meeting is now concluded," said Lily. "Any questions?"

She looked like a Commander, Remus thought. Exhausted, but sure of herself. Determined and unwavering. Her red hair was pulled back into a tight pony tail, her eyes were tired and grim, and her jaw was set, her plump lips tightly closed.

"Okay. Recap? Sirius looks after the Potters and tries to remember as much relevant dark magic from his childhood as he can, under orders to owl back any potentially relevant info, no matter how flimsy. The Potters have a massive library. You're going to look up wand manipulation and related dark magic from the restricted section. Pass on any pieces of work that you see fit for me to work on, right?" said Peter. "Send me as much work as you want!"

"Correct," said Lily. "Thanks Peter! I'm so sorry that we won't get the chance to tutor you for the NEWTs. I'm afraid exams are taking a back seat."

Peter flushed proudly. He could easily do his own studying now that he had no choice.

"Emma and Dorcas," said Lily. "You're going to try to retrace James' steps for the twenty-four hours prior to his arrest with the help of Remus and Peter. Talk to every single person he came into contact with. It may yield useful clues."

"Yes, Ma'am!" said Emma, saluting Lily.

"On it," said Dorcas, looking focused and eager to get started.

"And my role?" asked Remus.

"Remus, I need you to work out a Plan B. If the outcome of the case is unsuccessful, we can't let them take James to Azkaban. I won't let them," she said.

She locked eyes with Remus.

"No. Courtroom Ten, Ministry of Magic?" said Remus levelly.

"Yes. Sorry Remus. Bit of an ask, I know," said Lily softly.

"It is," agreed Remus, smiling wryly. "But it must be done. Just in case. I'll need to get my hands on the plans for the building."

Fucking hell, break James out of the Ministry of magic, surrounded by Aurors, no problem…

"Thank you, I'll help you as much as I can," Lily said.

He nodded.

"You've more than enough to do. Once James has a Counsellor, you can work together. Leave this to me."

"The centre cannot hold."*** said Lily.

Her eyes were damp as she looked steadily at him.

"Yes," said Remus, as a shiver ran up his spine.

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold…

…..

Bracas Igni*- trousers on fire

Longum Nasum mendacibus!**- long nose for liars

The centre cannot hold*** - meaning chaos is coming. Quote from Irish poet WB Yeats' poem The Second Coming written at the start of the Irish War of Independence against the British (1919-1921):

Turning and turning in the widening gyre

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere

the ceremony of innocence is drowned;

The best lack all conviction, while the worst

Are full of passionate intensity.


	33. Prongs Protection Squad

**Summary:**

 **James Potter's trial...**

 **Notes:**

 **This chapter was meant to be in parts poignant/sad/angsty but now I've read it so many times I can't figure out if it's that or just bad! I hope it isn't too disappointing...!**

Chapter 33: Prongs Protection Squad

Remus raced outside, his heart pounding, Sirius' Patronus vividly replaying in his mind.

"Outside. Help."

He'd been summoned that evening by Mr. & Mrs. Potter. He was already worried sick about Sirius since Mc Gonagall had called him out at supper, reading the brief message:

"Dearest Remus,

Sirius missing since this morning. He told us he was visiting you and would be back after lunch. Professor Dumbledore says he wasn't in Hogwarts at all today. Can you come here immediately, we're desperately worried.

Mia & Monty Potter

He had only been with the Potters a few minutes when Sirius' dog Patronus bounded in, all silver sparkles and dramatic bursts of stars, like some sort of fucking tragic musical, Remus thought. He raced out of the door without hesitation, finding Sirius' crumpled body on the tree-lined avenue.

"Sirius!" he shouted, throwing himself on the ground beside him. His fingers felt sticky blood on Sirius' robes.

"Fuck. Shit," he gasped. "Sirius are you alright? Fuck!"

He lifted up Sirius' shirt. His entire skin was covered in dark purple, almost black, pin-prick marks. Sirius was shaking violently, his whole body enveloped in spasms. Remus felt himself gag, he had never seen anyone hit by the Cruciatus Curse but he knew what it should look like. He swept Sirius up in his arms and gently carried him inside.

"No!" Mia said, her voice breaking as she saw Sirius. "This is worse than the last time! What happened? My poor Darling boy!"

She got out her wand and began muttering healing spells. Remus could see her wand arm shaking nearly as violently as Sirius' body. He looked at Monty and saw him sitting in obvious pain on the edge of the armchair.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Alright," Monty said, quietly, despite looking grey. "I just fell trying to run after you. I'll be fine. Sort our boy out first."

Eventually after hours of work, Sirius was no longer convulsing, but hardly conscious. Remus had managed to persuade Mia to tend to Monty's hip and sent them off to bed. He was terrified they would collapse in front of him and Sirius would never forgive him (or himself). Together they had levitated Sirius onto his bed, and he set a cooling charm on his wand, aiming it at Sirius' face and on the mattress. He desperately wanted to touch Sirius, to hold him. But Sirius had groaned loudly in agony when he tried.

"Moony," Sirius eventually whispered.

"Sirius, thank God!" Remus choked, going to touch his hair and stopping. "Who did this to you?"

"Orion," Sirius said eventually, his voice ragged, blood dripping down the corner of his lip. "I tried, Moony, did my best… they won't agree to anything… I failed."

"What the hell, Sirius!" said Remus anxiously. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," said Sirius, coughing weakly. "They wouldn't…"

"Fucking hell, Sirius! Are you nuts?" Remus said, a wave of nausea overcoming him. "You shouldn't have gone anywhere near those bastards! Are you insane?"

Sirius closed his eyes and a tear ran down his cheek.

"Had to… for James," he said, his lips cracked and caked with dried blood. "I wish they…"

"No! Not you!" said Remus, panic filling his voice. "I'll never let you do anything horrible… anything to do with them. I'll die stopping you, Sirius!"

Remus looked distraught, rubbing the back of his hand over his eyes. Sirius couldn't remember seeing him this upset.

"I'm sorry, Darling, please don't. I can't stand seeing you… I won't. Promise," he collapsed backwards breathless and exhausted, hissing as his head hit the pillow.

"You promised, Sirius. I'll hold you to it," said Remus roughly, his hand ghosting over Sirius' before pulling away again. "Promise me you won't go near them again! James would kill you if he knew!"

Sirius paused, his breath laboured.

"I promise I won't go near that house again," he whispered slowly.

"Sirius, promise," began Remus, then stopped.

Sirius had lapsed into unconsciousness again, his breathing erratic. Remus swore quietly.

"You'll have to go through me to get near them, Sirius, never again!" he whispered, staring at Sirius' pale face, his Adam's apple moving occasionally as he heard Sirius groaning with pain.

"Tell him we need him," Monty had said to Remus, and it had physically hurt him to see the raw pain in the old man's eyes.

"Give him some hope, Remus, please," Mia had said, and Remus had practically burst into tears with how much trust they had in him and in his ability to help Sirius.

Trust he didn't have himself.

…

"Would you please state your name, for the Court?" said Cygnus Black, with an ingratiating smile.

Smarmy git, thought Lily, gripping her pen tightly.

"James Potter."

"Wonderful, Mr. Potter," said Cygnus, smiling widely again. "And can you confirm that you are currently Hogwarts' Head Boy?"

Currently…

"Yes," said James.

"How nice, well done," said Cygnus, in a condescending tone. "And I understand you are also Quidditch Captain for the Gryffindor team?"

"Yes," said James, looking slightly confused.

"Wonderful," said Cygnus smoothly, turning around and smiling at the Wizengamot, the members of which were all seated behind him, about fifty of them, wearing plum coloured robes and very austere expressions.

"You've done so well for yourself, Mr. Potter!" said Cygnus. "Would you agree that your choice as Head Boy was rather surprising? Even shocking?"

Cygnus' silky voice didn't match the hardness of his gaze.

"It was… unexpected," said James, looking over at Lily briefly.

"Please elaborate, Mr. Potter," said Cygnus, smiling again.

"Er, well, I'd never been Prefect before," said James.

"Indeed, I don't think anyone was expecting it?" said Cygnus.

"No," said James.

He made to run his hand through his hair, then stopped, lowering his shackled hands. He was magically bound to the Chair of the Accused, and additionally, wore handcuffs designed to prevent anyone holding a wand. Looking at the Minister of Magic, Harold Minchum, the entire Wizengamot and the packed chamber made him feel sick.

"I believe that in fact you have rather a bad record as a student in Hogwarts?" asked Cygnus, his voice still oily. "Is it not the case that you received a record number of detentions in Sixth Year? More than your entire Year put together?"

James stared at him.

"Yes but," he began.

That was due to bloody Malum, thought Lily, that's so unfair!

"Answer yes or no, Mr. Potter," said Cygnus lightly, his grey eyes glittering coldly.

"Yes," said James, his jaw twitching.

"I see. Interesting. And would it be true to say that during your time in Hogwarts you bullied Slytherin students?"

James didn't answer immediately.

"During the first few years I," said James.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Potter, I don't want a lecture on the matter, I just an answer – yes or no?" said Cygnus, his smile widening.

"Yes," said James.

Lily could see James looking uncomfortable.

"Ugh!" she hissed with annoyance, poking Harry Bell's arm with her elbow. "You should be objecting to this line of questioning!"

She couldn't believe how awful poor Mr. Bell was. He had kindly come out of retirement for the trial, when it became obvious that nobody else was going to defend James Potter. But it seemed nobody had threatened Mr. Bell. The poor man was utterly lost, had no sense of the case at all, what the vital elements were. Lily felt like screaming with frustration. She had asked to sit beside him to prompt him and he had eagerly agreed. Sirius had refused to let James' parents attend the start of the trial, for which she was grateful. He had also refused to tell her why he looked so unwell and why Remus was acting so protective around him.

"I see. Hexed them?" continued Cynus.

"Not hexed. Jinxed some students," said James.

Lily could see the muscles in his jaw tightening again.

"And do you agree that a fellow Slytherin student almost died because of the actions of your group of friends? That your friends' behaviour almost resulted in him being murdered?" said Cygnus.

James' eyes glanced briefly to where Sirius and Remus sat. Sirius looked white as a ghost and Remus was hanging his head.

"Not on purpose," James' eyes flashed angrily.

"A simple yes or no answer, Mr. Potter," said Cygnus, his voice had assumed a sneering edge.

"Yes," said James after a long pause.

"Shit," whispered Lily, gripping her thighs.

"And am I correct in stating that you are well known for hating Voldemort's supporters and constantly getting into trouble for duelling them and fighting them?" said Cygnus.

"I," said James.

"Yes or no, Mr. Potter!" said Cygnus, in an impatient tone.

"Yes," said James quietly.

"And did you threaten to use illegal Veritaserum on a fellow Slytherin student since the start of Seventh Year?" said Cygnus.

His smile was gloating.

Fucking Carrow…

"In retaliation for-" began James, gripping the chair.

"Yes or no, Mr. Potter?" hissed Cygnus.

James swallowed.

"Yes," he said.

"I see. So. Mr. Potter, prior to this trial, you were already known for being one of, if not The, worst troublemaker in the school, a bully, a threat to Sytherin students and involved in an incident that could have resulted in the death of a classmate. Would you agree, Mr. Potter?"

James opened his mouth and closed it.

"Mr. Potter, yes or no?" said Cygnus coldly.

"Yes," said James, looking guilty.

"Shit!" said Lily, looking at Harry Bell angrily. "Do something!"

"Yes, yes, we should do something," muttered Bell distractedly, looking concerned, as he repeatedly buttoned and unbuttoned his waistcoat.

"Ask the Minister for this!" said Lily, slapping a piece of parchment in front of Bell.

"Yes, yes," said Mr. Bell.

He stood up unsteadily.

"Excuse me, Minister Minchum, as I am not feeling too well, I am passing over responsibility for questioning of my client to Miss. Lily Evans, who I hereby appoint as my Legal Assistant, in keeping with... er, clause 29, subsection D, paragraph 12 of the … what is this? Oh, the Legal Representation Act 1665," said Mr. Bell, squinting at the piece of parchment in his hand.

"Objection," scoffed Cygnus, who looked delighted at the turn of events.

"Objection over-ruled," replied the Minister. "Miss. Evans, proceed."

"I would like the opportunity to question Mr. Potter?" said Lily.

The Minister nodded and wave his hand.

"Mr. Potter," began Lily, walking over to James. "In relation to you being a bully, would I be correct in stating you used to only jinx students who you saw bullying others; that you have not done so since Fifth Year; and that the curses involved were minor, frankly stupid and downright childish ones, such as a Drone Jinx or a Leek Jinx*?"

"Er, yes," said James, turning red.

Scattered giggles and laughter broke out in the Courtroom.

"And is it correct to state that you were in fact responsible for saving the life of the fellow student mentioned by Cygnus Black, rather than attempting to hurt him?" she said, folding her arms.

"Yes," said James, looking straight at her.

"I see," she said, sending Cyngus a contemptuous raised brow. "You play Quidditch, Mr. Potter?"

"Er, yes?" said James.

"Would you consider it a dangerous sport?" Lily asked innocently.

"Yeah, I think so, I mean I've had some pretty bad falls in my time," James said, looking puzzled.

"So you could have been killed on a number of occasions?" Lily persisted.

"Yeah, definitely," said James, shrugging his shoulders.

"By other players on opposing teams?" said Lily.

"Yeah, but all of us who play Quidditch have done that," said James. "It's a dangerous game."

"Precisely, Mr. Potter," said Lily, flashing him a quick smile. "Most Seventh Year Quidditch players in Hogwarts at this stage could have been responsible for another player's death, would you agree? Many Seventh Year students could be accused of potentially causing the death of a fellow student, am I correct?"

"Yes," said James, nodding his head.

"One last question, Mr. Potter," said Lily, her green eyes sparkling. "In addition to saving a member of your class at the end of Fifth Year, were you also responsible for saving the life of another classmate at the end of Sixth year, at great personal risk?"

"Er, yes, I suppose so," said James, looking at her adoringly. "Although she did also save my life."

"I believe you tried to save her twice, Mr. Potter?" shot back Lily.

"Yes, Miss. Evans," said James sheepishly, his hands lifting again briefly.

"No further questions for the moment, your Honour," said Lily briskly, turning towards the MInister and smiling politely.

She looked over at the gallery where her friends were sitting. Sirius broke into a relieved grin. Remus he saluted her and mouthed "well done!". She smiled back and then looked over at James. He was staring at her in awe.

"This Hearing is postponed until tomorrow," said the Minister who was looking tired, it being the second trial of the day for the Wizengamot. "All rise."

People started filing out of the courtroom, including a large number of reporters, who Sirius was scowling at with fury.

She caught James' eye, through the crowd, and he whispered, "I love you, you were amazing!" and she smiled and ducked her head briefly, looking embarrassed.

"Nice try, Miss. Evans, but you won't be able to save your little friend. The evidence against Mr. Potter is overwhelming and he's going to end up in Azkaban, no matter how hard you try!"

Lily jumped. Cygnus Black was standing right in front of her, intruding on her personal space and glaring in an intimidating manner.

"Back off, Black!" said Lily dismissively, using the exact tone of voice she usually used when Sirius was being annoying.

Cygnus Black look startled, then his mouth cracked into a fake smile.

"I'd be very, very careful about antagonising a Black, Miss. Evans. Mudbloods are targets for Voldemorts followers. You wouldn't want to find yourself… permanently incapacitated," he whispered.

"Where you listening to what I just said?" said Lily coldly, staring back at him, now in a duelling stance. "I said back off, Black, you filthy little toad! You can't intimidate me."

James made a sound half-way between a laugh and a gasp. Cygnus Black inhaled sharply. Clearly he was very surprised at being treated in so undeferential a manner.

"I shall report you immediately, you little mudblood bitch!" he hissed at her.

"Go right ahead, Black!" laughed Lily, shaking her head in amusement. "Let's just see what the Minister thinks when he takes our memories to the Ministry Pensieve, shall we?"

She made to walk up the steps towards the Judge's chair. Cygnus Black grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her back.

"No need for that, Miss. Evans," he said, his eyes betraying his fear.

"Get your hands off me this instant!" Lily said, pulling her arm away, and reaching for her wand.

Her voice was loud enough that a few people turned to look at them. Cygnus Black's nostrils flared. He opened his mouth to retort, then thought better of it. He gathered his papers and stormed out of the room, sending James a nasty look.

"Alright, Evans?" mouthed James, looking at her with concern.

"Yes, Potter," she smiled back, winking at him.

She missed him so much. She wanted to touch him so badly. She walked over to him in a business-like manner.

"Mr. Potter," she said, extending her arm and trying to hold his hands, the cold metal sending a shiver down her spine. "Well done today. Mr. Bell and I will be working on your case non-stop to find out who framed you."

"Thank you, Miss. Evans," said James.

They remained there holding hands, James still held back by the enchanted ropes.

"My pleasure," said Lily, squeezing his hand tightly.

She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, how desperately hard she was working to prove he was innocent, how angry she was with those people who were working against him, how much he meant to her. Tears sprang in her eyes as she looked at his bound wrists.

"My love," James said quietly, rubbing his thumb along the back of her hand.

"Bring Mr. Potter back to his cell," said the Minister, without looking up from his papers.

"Alright, Evans?" said James, giving her hand a squeeze, his hazel eyes warm.

It was an encouragement. She smiled at him and nodded, brushing the tears away lightly with her left hand.

"Take care," she called, stupidly and pointlessly, as he was led away, surrounded by Aurors.

….

"Lily, that's enough, you need to get some rest," Remus said quietly, sitting down on the chair beside her and handing her a cup of tea.

"Oh thank God, Remus!" she groaned, grasping the mug tightly and sighing with relief as she sipped the hot drink. "I needed that so badly!"

She slumped back on the chair, blowing at the hair that was falling over her face.

"Lily, you look like shit," said Remus, rubbing his face with his hand.

"Huh! So do you, Mr. Lupin," said Lily tartly, looking at Remus' tired eyes and grey complexion. "You looked wrecked."

"I am wrecked," laughed Remus, suppressing a yawn. "But that's hardly new! You, on the other hand…"

"Shut up, Lupin!" said Lily, unable to stop herself from yawning widely. "Any luck so far? Have you uncovered anything useful?"

"Fuck all," said Remus heavily, pointing at the stack of books in front of him. "And that's despite feeling like I know more about wand dissembling spells than anyone, aside from you, at this stage! You?"

"Miss Evans, Mr Lupin, come with me please!"

They looked up to find Professor Mc Gonagall standing behind them, looking as stern and sharp as ever.

"Where to?" asked Lily.

When she didn't answer them, they shrugged and picking up their bags, running after her.

"Professor?" said Remus sharply.

"Nothing to worry about, Lupin," said Mc Gonagall, in a kinder tone, as she led them towards a door near Gryffindor Tower.

It was a thick oak door of simple design, and the Professor opened it with a sturdy key. Inside was a cosy sitting room with a large fireplace, currently lit by a roaring fire. There were two simple writing desks and chairs on either side of the room, as well as a large couch and a cosy two-seater near the hearth. Two doors on either side led to two separate bedrooms, each with a double bed and its own en suite bathroom. It was all decorated in Gryffindor colours.

"The new quarters for our Head Boy and Head Girl," said Minerva, handing Lily the large key. "It used to be for visitors. You need your own space, access to a study, a place you won't be disturbed. Especially at this time. We've been thinking about introducing this for some time now, Miss. Evans. It should help a little. The Elves can be contacted via this enchanted gong."

"Thank you," said Lily looking around in amazement. "This is perfect."

"The least we could do," said Minerva. "Seeing as we aren't allowed to help you and Potter."

Lily noticed how haggard she looked, and how she concerned she seemed about Lily. She hugged Mc Gonagall tightly.

"Prongs is going to love being here with you," said Remus, as soon as Mc Gonagall had left, smiling slyly.

"He will love it," Lily said, flashing him the first genuine smile he had seen in weeks.

She gratefully dropped the armload of books onto the desk.

"But for that, we need to prove he's innocent!" she added, sitting down wearily in front of the desk. "Get some sleep, Lupin!"

He shook his head at her.

"I will when you do," Remus said.

…..

"For fuck's sake," Remus muttered to himself, flicking between the floor plans of the Ministry of Magic and the sheet of parchment covered in notes. "By the time the Aurors notice, they'll still have time to stun us and intercept Prongs before he gets to the door. That doesn't give us enough bloody time."

He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration and sighed. He closed his eyes and felt his head nodding.

"Shit!" he said slapping his cheeks lightly to try and wake himself up.

He bent down and picked up his copybook from his schoolbag. At the back of the notebook was a page with "Plan B?" written on it. He crossed out Idea no. 5 before returning to the floor plans of Courtroom Ten.

"And so on to Idea no.6," he whispered.

At the bottom of the page, in a separate column he had written Worst case scenario – werewolf. His eyes scanned it briefly and he felt the hair on the back of his neck raise. He desperately wanted to avoid that plan…

He really wished he couldn't hear Peter's annoyingly loud snores, they were making him feel too tired to concentrate. He thought about casting a Muffliato, but found his cheek resting on the cool surface of the Dormitory wooden floor.

"Five minutes," he grunted.

Somehow his traitorous body wasn't happy with three hours sleep in the space of forty-eight hours. Peter fell over him when he got up to use the loo in the middle of the night, fast asleep on top of a pile of notes.

…..

"Twenty minutes with your Legal, and her dog," said Alice to James, giving Lily's shoulder a kind pat. "I've put up a Muffliato and a Disillusionment charm that will keep your cell private. It should last fifteen minutes. I'm afraid that's all I can give you. Don't forget to collect your wand on the way out, Evans. Good luck!"

Tomorrow was the final day of the trial, which had not gone well, despite everyone's hard work and Lily's heroic efforts. The cell door clanged shut behind them. James stood up, his hands and wrists still shackled together. Sirius immediately transformed back and stared at his hands, James could see the anger coursing through his brother's veins.

"James, I.. fuck! I swear to fucking Merlin, I'll fucking kill them if they convict you! I'll fight them tooth and nail, I'm not letting them," began Sirius, his voice cracking with emotion.

"Pads, wait," said James. "Lily, can you give us a minute?"

Lily nodded immediately and sat down on the stone bench, her hands holding her head and trying to cover her ears, to give them some privacy.

"No! I will not fucking wait, bastard wankers! I'm going to curse them all to hell with," said Sirius, his voice rising.

He was cut off as James pushed him hard against the stone wall.

"Shut the fuck up, Sirius!" said James sharply, his manacled hands pressing against Sirius' chest. "Don't you fucking dare to do anything of the sort, dammit! Chances are, everything will be fine. But if it isn't, if I end up going to Azkaban, Mum and Dad are going to be fucking heart-broken. Don't you get it? They'll have lost one of their sons, and you think getting thrown into Azkaban as well will help? For fuck's sake! You're all they have! It would kill them!"

"But I," said Sirius.

"No!" said James. "No way! You keep your fucking head down and don't get involved in anything illegal, or I swear to Merlin I'm never…"

He paused, grappling for words.

"I'm going to refuse to see you for the once yearly family visit," he said, his voice shaking slightly. "I swear to you!"

Sirius stared at him in horror.

"Prongs…" he said, feeling his voice breaking.

"Promise me, you bastard!" said James, gripping Sirius' shirt tighter. "Promise me!"

Sirius said nothing, his eyes felt tight.

"Do it for me," said James. "Please!"

A few tears spilled onto Sirius' cheek.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I promise."

"Thanks Pads," said James.

Sirius could feel the relief in his voice, and he couldn't stand it. He flung his arms around James and hugged him tightly, almost unable to breath, both unable to say what they wanted to say, Sirius biting his lip to stop himself crying and closing his eyes tightly, James' breathing erratic. They stayed like that for a long time till Sirius pulled away and looked at his brother.

"If you… I can't," he whispered. "I can't do it."

"Fuck, Pads, there's still hope," said James, wishing he could hug Sirius.

Sirius shook his head.

"There's always hope!" said James, his eyes shining. "There is hope until the very end, Pads! And even then, I'll still hold onto the hope that you'll manage to prove it wasn't me. You'll do that, won't you? Continue to try?"

Sirius bit his lip again and nodded, turning away from James as tears fell.

"Come 'ere," said James gruffly. "I love you Pads."

Sirius choked back a sob and gripped his brother tightly.

"Can you give me a moment with Lily, please?" James asked.

Sirius heard the crack in his voice. He nodded stiffly and transformed into Padfoot, a whining, crying Padfoot, head down, tail between his legs, he gave a low bark and shuffled into the far corner, moving round in a circle before lying down with his head on his paws, facing the wall.

"Lily," James said softly.

She turned around and his breath caught when he looked into her bright, almond- shaped eyes, blinking back tears.

"James!" she closed the space between them, burying her head in his chest, grasping his shirt tightly, as though afraid someone might try to prize her off him. She heard him exhale, and looked up at him, he could see she was trying to remain brave.

"I'll get you out, I promise, James!" she whispered fiercely. "You're not going to Azkaban, one way or another!"

"Hush, Lily, I know," he said quietly. "I know you'll do your best. You and Remus, you're working so hard!"

"We'll get you out James, yeah?" she said, and he was in awe at how confident and determined she looked, running her hands through his hair lovingly.

"Yeah," he smiled back. "Thank you, Lily. I couldn't have asked for a better friend, girlfriend, partner… you amaze me."

She smiled back and he was momentarily struck dumb, dazzled by her.

"Lily, I need to ask you something. If we don't win," said James, extending his bound arms out in front of him and rubbing his thumb along the side of her face.

"Don't!" said Lily immediately.

"Lily, if that happens," said James.

"No!" Lily's eyes flashed angrily.

"If that happens," he said firmly. "Promise me you'll-"

"I'll never forget you, I'm not-" said Lily, her voice was shaking.

"I'm not asking you to! You'll always have my love, but don't shut yourself off. I know you can do whatever work you set your mind to. But if you wanted to get married someday, do it. If you wanted to be a mother… you'd be a wonderful mum, Lily, I know it."

He remembered the vision, his family, in the wildflower field.

"I wanted to, but only with you, James," Lily said, tears streaming down her face. "Only-"

"I'll be happy for you. That's all I ever wanted, for you to be happy," his voice was thick with emotion as he held her gaze. "We're only eighteen. You've your whole life ahead of you. I swear to you, it will get easier. You were meant to be whole, Lily."

"You wouldn't agree to this if our places were reversed! Don't lie to me, James!" Lily whispered harshly, gripping his shoulders.

"When have I ever been able to deny you anything, Lily Evans?" said James, his eyes smouldering with passion. "I'd do anything for you, if you asked, you know I would. This means... I need to know you'll get on with your life, if the worst happens."

"I can't!" Lily looked like she was unable to breath.

"Lily! Please," said James. "If you have a wayward son you can name him after me, alright?"

He was smiling. Lily let out a sob.

"Lily," James said quietly.

She took a deep breath.

"If we lose, and if you end up going to Azkaban," she was struggling to speak through her tears, but he could see she was choosing her words carefully. "If I… I promise if I fall in love with someone else, I'll try to make it work. But I'll never stop fighting to clear your name, so don't bother asking me to."

"Thank you," he whispered into her hair, placing his chin above her head, which was now resting on his chest. "Thank you, Lily."

"I love you," Lily trembled as she held him tightly. "You're the best man I've ever known."

"I love you more," he said. "You always deserved more than me."

He longed to hold her dearly in his arms, one last time.

"Time!"

They pulled apart. It wasn't Alice standing outside their cell, it was Mc Kinnon, looking sour.

"Already?" said Lily, her voice sounding hoarse.

"Yes. Time," he said grimly. "Where's the dog?"

They turned to face Padfoot, still lying in the corner whimpering.

"Poor Padfoot," said James.

He walked over to the black dog and rubbed his head gently, behind his ears.

"Alright, Padfoot?" he whispered. "It's not over yet."

The dog looked at him sorrowfully, lifting his head up and dropping it back listlessly.

"Out now," said Mc Kinnon tersely. "Your parents are outside. You'll use up your time with them."

The dog stood up immediately and padded towards the locked door.

"Goodbye, James. I won't kiss you again because the next time I kiss you, you'll be free," Lily said.

She was calmer now, just a hint of tremor in her voice, standing tall. He had never been prouder of her. Like she knew he needed her to be strong. She was his lighthouse. Her hand was on Padfoot's collar, stroking his neck, comforting him. Padfoot seemed to gain strength from her too. He barked loudly and jumped up placing his front paws on James' chest and licking his face.

"Unruly mutt," James smiled, patting the dog one last time.

He tried to speak again but his throat was closing over.

"Fino a quando ci incontriamo di nuovo, addio," he whispered. "Ti amero' sempre, fino alla fine.**"

It was less real if she didn't understand.

Then they were gone. A shudder ran through him. Bravery wasn't just facing Voldemort, he thought, this was braver, and harder. He closed his eyes and forced himself to breath slowly, his forehead against the cold stone wall. He couldn't fall apart. One more time, for his parents' sake.

…

"Where do you two think you're going? Potter's trial starts again in under three hours."

Lily and Sirius turned around, recognising the trainee Auror immediately. She had been five years ahead of them in Hogwarts, and Head Girl.

"Nowhere of interest, Fortesque," said Sirius levelly. "Heard you're on Potter's case?"

"Look, Mc Gonagall tipped me off. You are not going into London polyjuiced to the gills without me!" Alice said crossly. "That lot are dangerous!"

"How the fuck does Minnie know?" yelped Sirius, looking scandalised. "Even Remus doesn't know!"

Remus would have stunned him on the spot. Even if this wasn't actually illegal. And he wasn't technically going near their house.

"Which lot?" asked Lily politely, eyeing Sirius warily.

"The Blacks," Alice said, looking at Sirius.

"Oh. Right. Trust me, I know exactly what we're dealing with," said Sirius lightly.

"Well then you're stupid," said Alice bluntly.

"Not stupid, desperate," said Lily. "I'm sorry, but we're going, and you can't stop us!"

"I wasn't planning on stopping you, I was planning on accompanying you," sighed Alice.

"Oh?" said Sirius, looking momentarily shocked. "Well fancy that! Welcome to Prongs Protection Squad!"

"Prongs? Does the name have something to do with illegal stuff that James mentioned?" she said.

"Possibly!" said Sirius, beaming at her. "Do you happen to know any of my wonderfully homicidal family members?"

"Unfortunately yes, although I haven't met Bellatrix personally, thank Merlin!" said Alice, looking grim. "I've managed to get my hands on two specimens from the Moody's private Auror Recon Stash. It's pretty good stuff - strands of hair from both your esteemed cousins, Narcissa and Bellatrix."

"Fucking brilliant, Alice! Does Moody know, or did you forget to ask him?" Sirius said, his eyes gleaming.

"He'd approve if he knew," Alice said, winking at him.

"Spiffing!" said Sirius, whistling in approval. "I feared going as Wilkes would arouse suspicion!"

Alice laughed.

"I met your lovely cousin Narcissa a few times at parties when I was growing up," she said, grimacing at the memories.

"Those parties?" said Sirius. "Fucking nightmare! Alright, you go as Cissy. I'll go as Bella. She's so deranged I think I'm the only one who can mimic her. Lily, you can stay here after all and-"

"Excuse me, Sirius Potter!" said Lily. "Don't you try ordering me about, you entitled git! I'm coming as Cygnus Black, as already agreed. I managed to get some of his hair during the session in court yesterday, at long last. Put my hand on his back and pulled one off his robes, he nearly hit the roof when he realised a mudblood touched him. Pathetic little shit. I've been checking out all his mannerisms. It's all sorted."

Sirius grinned at her. He adored being called Potter. And he adored Lily.

"You're something else, Lily Evans!" he said.

"I'm in charge here, Sirius," she grinned back.

"You two make quite a double act, Lily and Sirius. I think I'll call you Silly!" Alice smiled wrily.

"Ha bloody ha, Fortesque," said Sirius, trying not to smile back.

"We better go," said Alice, looking at her watch. "This is potentially dangerous. Please follow my orders to a T! I'm investigating a murder, but I've no backup today, if it's bad, I'll have to send a Patronus to Frank."

"Still your other half?" Sirius teased.

"The better half," she smiled back.

"Roger that," said Lily.

Sirius and Alice stared at her blankly. She sighed despondently.

"It means got it," she huffed. "You lot need subtitles for everything!"

"Subtitles?" said Sirius.

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Come on, let's go!"

…

"Here you are at last!" Walburga said, looking displeased. "I've been in this frightful place for a full ten minutes! What took you so long? I thought your owl had the wrong date!"

"Sorry, Auntie Dearest!" said Sirius, giggling loudly. "I couldn't pass up the opportunity to curse a few random mudbloods along the way. You know how I get!"

Walburga rolled her eyes but smiled.

"You never miss the chance, Darling Bella, I can't say I blame you," Walburga lifted her cheek and Sirius bent down to lightly kiss it, trying not to shiver.

He pushed Alice (now indistinguishable from his cousin Narcissa) towards Walburga and she did the same.

"Do you mind if I sit down, terribly stiff today. I think being around so many mudbloods has affected my constitution," said Lily, sitting down heavily.

Cygnus sounded rattled and angry, just as Sirius remembered him. Sirius stared at Lily. She was good.

"Ugh, how perfectly dreadful, Cygnus!" said Walburga, looking aghast. "Do you think you might have caught something off them?"

Lily made a face. Walburga winced with sympathy.

"I ordered already," said Walburga. "The usual."

"Lovely!" said Sirius, remembering to include Bellatrix's hysterical giggle, licking his lips. "Did you make sure that the tea is Oolong?"

"Of course, Darling!" said Walburga.

"Are you pleased with how the Trial is going, Walburga?" Lily asked, looking at Cygnus' expensive watch, as he often did.

"Wonderfully well, Dearest," said Walburga, her cheeks flushing with excitement. "We're nearly there now. Orion and I are positively thrilled."

Lily gave a cold laugh.

"I'm rather enjoying it too," she smirked. "Although that mudblood assistant is tiresome. Seems to know her stuff surprisingly well."

Sirius snorted into his tea.

"Pah! She's getting help, Cygnus, from Dumbledore. But Potter is going down, no matter what she tries to do," said Walburga dismissively, narrowing her eyes.

The waitress had arrived and placed their food on the table, her hands shaking.

"You call this a scone?" screamed Sirius, pointing her long nails at the plate in disgust. "Get me a proper scone, you piece of-"

"Calm down," said Alice anxiously, smoothing her flaxen hair and looking mortified. "We don't want to create a scene!"

The waitress ran off looking terrified. Sirius scowled darkly and proceeded to rip the paper serviette into tiny shreds.

"They don't even have napkins!" he pouted. "And this is meant to be a purebloods-only establishment?"

Alice tutted sympathetically. There was silence as they all drank their tea and nibbled daintily at the food.

Sirius kicked Alice's leg under the table. He needed to try to distract his mother and thus allow him to swap wands somehow. He had already done a magnificent job transfiguring a stick into his mother's ivory wand. He could just about see the end of her wand sticking out of her cloak.

"Aunt Walburga, could I ask your opinion about something?" said Alice, smiling sweetly.

"Of course, Cissy," said Walburga, sounding bored.

Sirius could read his mother like a book, she was never particularly fond of Narcissa. This had better be juicy…

"She's having problems with Lucius. Specifically, with their sex life," he said, smiling at Alice unkindly.

He flashed Walburga a smile and saw his mother's face light up.

"Oh dear me," Walburga said, smiling brightly.

Alice glared at Sirius and moved her chair over to Walburga's side, right next to her wand.

"Shut up!" Alice hissed. "I don't need the entire place to hear me!"

"He's having problems getting his wand up, I believe," said Sirius, giggling manically.

Lily spluttered, and Walburga tried to hide a smile while she patted her lips dry.

"How dare you make fun of me!" said Alice, suppressing a sob. "Poor Lucius is in bits! His ardour was never a problem!"

Alice's imitation of his cousin was priceless. He burst out laughing, throwing his head back in wild abandon.

"Droopy Malfoy!" he sniggered meanly.

"I said shut up, you cow!" shouted Alice, whipping out her wand.

"Now, now, Cissy! Stop that immediately!" said Lily in a deeply irate tone.

Her hand swept across the table and the pot of tea went flying towards the two women.

Alice screamed and stumbled backwards, her hand flicking sideways and deftly removing Walburga's wand which she dropped beside Sirius' feet.

"Oh stop being such a wimp, Cissy, you're pathetic!" sneered Sirius, bending down and removing the imitation wand from his robes.

"Your wand, Auntie!" he hummed cheerfully, straightening back up and handing it over, while pocketing his mother's original. "You dropped it."

"Morgana's hell!" said Walburga, looking horrified. "Thank goodness you spotted that, Darling!"

She looked at Narcissa with such venom that Alice shrank back, gulping.

Sirius' heart was hammering wildly. If his mother chose to try out her wand they would be instantly discovered.

"I'm bored," he sighed. "This place is Frankly disgraceful. I think I'll go now!"

He looked at Alice and winked.

"Yes, to be perfectly Frank, it is," said Lily, looking at Alice and raising her left eyebrow.

"Yes, of course," said Walburga, twirling the fake wand in her hand.

Sirius could see she was torn between wanted to hear the juicy gossip from Narcissa and leaving this decidedly half-blood environment.

"Wonderful enchantment on that boy's wand, Walburga Dear," said Lily, trying to keep her voice steady. "There's no way in hell that those idiotic Aurors will uncover your curse on Potter's wand!"

Walburga smiled darkly.

"Oh yes, they'll never figure it out. But you're mistaken, Cygnus, it was all Orion's doing in the end. Every single last detail. He arranged to enter Hogwarts with help, he performed the spell and Reverse Curse himself, not even sure how he did it. It's in moments such as these that I remember why I married him. Most of the time I forget…"

She smiled archly at Cygnus, and Sirius struggled to contain himself. He had heard rumours of his mother having an affair with her brother-in-law. He wanted to vomit all over the tablecloth.

"Ugh! Auntie, your wand!" Sirius let out a tiny disgusted sound and grabbed the wand from Walburga's hand.

He flung it into Bellatrix's robes and extracted the real wand, polishing it carefully as his mother stared.

"It had jam on it!" he said shakily. "You know I can't stand jam."

"Of course, who could forget? It only matches your hatred of jelly. And mudbloods," Walburga laughed lightly, but Sirius could see her looking disconcerted. His mother flicked the wand and a green spark flew out of its tip, seemingly satisfying her.

"Cygnus dear, you look dreadful!" said Walburga, as they walked outside the door, staring at his face with disgust. "Your skin is very pale and you have an awful rash!"

Sirius' heart leapt to his throat. The Polyjuice potion was wearing off and Lily's whiter skin and freckles were starting to show, Cygnus' eyes turning green.

"Merlin, it could be a mudblood disease! Contagious!" he shrieked.

Walburga stepped backwards hurriedly.

"Bella, Darling, would you care to accompany me to_"

She was cut short as Sirius linked arms with Narcissa, whose blonde hair had shrunk to shoulder-length, and apparated immediately, still screaming.

"Cygnus, what-"

Walburga saw Cygnus' face turn even whiter as he apparated, leaving Walburga stunned and alone on the pavement outside Trelawney's Tea Shoppe.

"The cheek!" she hissed to herself in displeasure. "Dreadful manners. I shall owl them and demand an immediate apology!"

…..

They landed in a heap outside the main gates of Hogwarts.

"Quick, hide! Any of the Death Eaters here could see us!" Alice hissed.

"Death Eaters in Hogwarts?" said Lily, staring at Alice in shock.

"Pretty certain," said Alice, as they skirted around the periphery behind bushes.

"Bother!" said Lily, looking cross.

"Bother?" Sirius' laughter still sounded uncannily like his cousin's. "I Think you mean bollocks at least!"

"I try to avoid giving them the satisfaction of too much drama," Lily shrugged, feeling herself shrinking and her hair growing.

"Ah yes, high drama! A trait beloved by my vile family," said Sirius.

"All that for nothing!" said Alice tersely. "It's Orion's wand we need! And there's no way we'll be able to get near him. The trial starts in ten minutes!"

"Could Aurors raid their house immediately?" asked Lily.

"Ha! No way!" said Alice, laughing bitterly as she dug her heels into the ground. "Sanctioning an unplanned raid on one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight? Might as well request a raise from the Minister of Magic!"

"Bollocks!" said Lily, looking at Sirius and biting her lip anxiously.

"Fuck!" said Sirius, his pent-up frustration evident, as he ran his hand along his forehead.

"I'm out of ideas, but I'll go and talk to Moody," said Alice. "I wish we had more time, to work out how Orion did it! I don't think we have enough evidence against him. We can't force him to take Veritaserum!"

She looked worried. As soon as she apparated, Lily looked at her watch.

"We're out of time," said Lily, looking at Sirius grimly. "I'll do my best, but I think we're going to need Remus."

The Courtroom was packed to capacity and the reporters looked thrilled, much to Lily's disgust. She stared at the crowds. She caught Remus' eye as he walked in and he came over. He looked pale and drawn. Sirius followed with Peter, who was biting his nails to shreds.

"Remus, if the verdict is wrong, you take over," she said quietly. "What's plan B?"

"It's complicated," said Remus sternly. "And it only works if you follow my orders exactly. Without question."

He looked at Sirius as he said this.

"No problem, Moony, I swear," Sirius said eagerly. "I'll do whatever you say! Just give me something important, I want to give them hell, preferably without getting arrested, I promised James."

"I need you to transform into Padfoot and start barking and running around like mad, I'll alert everyone that the Grim in here. That's all you need to know for the moment. Got it?"

"Alright," said Sirius, looking somewhat disappointed. "Is that it?"

"That's it, I can't explain," said Remus calmly.

He couldn't tell Sirius that the plan was to stun him immediately and rule him out of action for the entire proceedings.

"Wormy, I need you to set off these special Zonko's Exploding Flytraps, on my command?"

"Sure," said Peter, in a hushed whisper, looking terribly anxious.

"And me?" said Lily.

"I need you to start screaming as loudly as possible when I give you the signal, then start panic running towards the exists. Marls and Dorcas are on board as well. When I raise my wand, you all go. Is that clear?"

"Sure," whispered Lily, regarding him doubtfully. "Remus, I hope it's a decent plan? It's the full moon tonight. What's your role?"

Remus laughed darkly.

It was indeed the full moon. He was going to hold the Minister of Magic hostage, tell them he was a werewolf and force them to release James. Within a few hours they'd have proof he was telling the truth. Then he'd probably be put down, he didn't think that a sentence to Azkaban was a viable option. He wasn't letting James rot in that hellhole, or anything happen to his best friends, and he was the only expendable one. On that at least even Malum had been correct.

"Oh don't worry, I'll have the entire place in complete meltdown within ten seconds. It won't last long," he smiled affably. "Trust me."

...

*Drone jinx: produces sudden loud noise; Leek jinx: leeks expelled from victims ears

**"Until we meet again, goodbye. I will always love you, till the very end."

 **Notes:**

 **Please leave a message if you have any thoughts and thank you so much to the kindest people who are so supportive I really appreciate it xxx**


	34. Verdict

**Summary:**

 **The last day of James Potter's trial...**

 **Notes:**

 **Alright, this is going to be a weird mix of very angsty and very fluffy, prepare for the roller-coaster, and tell me what you thought please! This is going to be a pretty shit week, especially Wednesday, so any comments very much appreciated xxx**

Chapter 34: Verdict

"All rise!"

Lily stood anxiously as James walked into the Courtroom for the last day of his trial. Their eyes met as he was led past her by two burly Aurors, hands locked together in front of him. They stared at each other wordlessly, James giving her a small smile, and she could tell he felt sorry for her.

He felt sorry for her…

The thought of that made her want to rush out and rescue him immediately. She watched as he was pushed down into the chair where the magical cords secured him, making her seethe with rage and fear. Lily grit her teeth, heart pounding, she detested the Magical justice system.

Something sharp hit the back of her neck and she spun round to find a piece of parchment at her feet, shaped like an arrow.

Lily,

Denver Flint (First Year Slytherin) says he saw James on the night of the murder. James was talking to someone who was polyjuiced to look exactly like Flint. James has been tutoring him in Transfiguration for months, everyone in Slytherin knows that. They were sitting in an alcove and James was explaining something to him, both pouring over a book. That was at about 10pm. Flint got scared but after an hour he went looking for James to try to warn him that something was up, he said he saw James heading for the back doors and that James ignored him when he tried to talk to him. He thinks it may not have been the real James? He told a few of his friends, and by the next day he had received an anonymous owl telling him he would be killed next if he spoke out. He came forward today – conscience got the better of him, brave lad. Denver said the second incident happened at about 11pm, there are dozens of witnesses placing James in Gryffindor common room between 10.30pm and midnight.

Dorcas

"Would you please sum up the case for the Prosecution, Mr. Black?" Minister Minchum was saying.

"Of course, your Honour," said Cygnus, in his silkiest voice.

Minister Minchum narrowed his eyes, he hated Cygnus Black. He was known for his absolute opposition to Voldemort and had come into power promising to end the war, something he had spectacularly failed to do. It didn't help that a significant minority of the Wizengamot were pureblood fanatics and some of his own officials in the Auror Department crooked.

"Illustrious members of the Wizengamot," began Cygnus, turning to gaze at them. "Loathe though I am to say this, I am afraid that one of our very own, a pureblood wizard, is without question responsible for the heinous murder of an innocent schoolmate. Nobody will ever know what possessed James Potter to murder Bertie Bulstrode in cold blood. You all heard him scream Potter's name before he died. You all witnessed Auror Moody cast the Prior Incantato spell and reveal the last spell cast by Potter, that is, the Unforgivable death-knell - Avada Kedavra."

The chamber was utterly silent. Cygnus glanced at where the victim's parents sat, looking pale and heartbroken.

"His parents will never know why Potter decided to end their son's life, as he has so far refused to plead guilty."

Cygnus now walked over to where James sat, the magical bonds tethering him firmly to the back of the chair. He stared at James coldly for what felt like an eternity. James looked him straight in the eye, his heart rate picking up.

"Mr. Potter, I am giving you one last chance to right the wrong that you have done in a small way. To explain to Bertie's parents why you killed him. Mr. Potter?"

James looked over to where Mr. & Mrs. Bulstrode sat. They had been looking at him throughout the trial, like they wanted to kill him in the same way as the person who had killed their son. He had deliberately avoided their gaze, feeling sick at the thought of what they were going through.

"I'm sorry," he said in a low, firm voice. "I wish I could help you, but I can't, it wasn't me. I didn't kill your son."

"Liar!" screamed Mrs. Bultstrode, standing up suddenly. "Why? Why did you kill him? What had he ever done to you?"

"Quiet!" said Minister Minchum. "I'm sorry Mrs. Bulstrode, but we must have order. Pray continue, Mr. Black."

Mrs. Bulstrode sat back down just as suddenly. Her husband gripped her hand and stared at James in disgust.

"You have no pity, Mr. Potter," said Cygnus, standing over James triumphantly. "And you will receive no pity. A lifetime in Azkaban is what awaits you now if you're lucky. Given the shocking nature and severity of the crime, I call for the Wizengamot to give Bertie Bulstrode's parents justice by imposing the sentence that is deserved in James Potter's case – the Dementors' Kiss."

The entire chamber breathed in sharply.

"Unless of course Mr. Potter pleads guilty to the offence of murder, in which case the Wizengamot might not feel the need to consider this option?" said Cygnus.

There was malice in his eyes and the tiniest cruel smile which he could not keep off his face.

James felt like he couldn't breathe. He watched as his father tried to stand up and collapsed back down, practically falling onto the floor, Remus and Sirius catching him in time.

"It's alright, Dad," he heard himself say, his voice cracking as he leaned forward, restrained by the ropes but desperate to go over to help him.

"He has to take Veritaserum, now!" Sirius' voice was a mess as he leaned over to Remus, hyperventilating.

"No!" whispered Remus sharply, his eyes feral. "Shut up and say nothing! I have this in hand! Mr. Potter, I swear to you, I won't let anything happen to either of your sons, you have my word!"

Mr. Potter stared at him, his eyes wide and terrified.

"Remus," he whispered.

"Trust me, Sir, I swear I won't let them hurt your boys!" said Remus.

His voice was practically a growl, low and terrifyingly urgent, and Monty found that Remus had grabbed his arm and was gripping it too tightly. Monty nodded his head, unable to speak.

Remus turned to face Mia Potter who looked as though she was in shock.

"Mrs. Potter, nothing will happen to James, believe me, I have this," he said, his face white.

He looked over at Lily, whose hands had flown up to her mouth in distress and was shaking uncontrollably. He watched as she looked back at the stands and her gaze fell on Orion Black, none of them had noticed him in the crowd till then. As he saw her distress, Orion's face assumed an expression of unmitigated joy. She turned towards Remus, a haunted look in her eyes. Remus looked terrified too, but he gave her a curt nod.

He had a plan…

"Mr. Potter, an answer?" said Cygnus, who looked like he was almost salivating. "Do you plead guilty, yes or no?"

James took a deep breath.

"I didn't kill Bertie, I've never killed anyone in my life," James said, his eyes never leaving Cygnus' face. "And you know it. You know I'm innocent."

His voice was firm. Lily felt her chest tighten as she saw the look he gave Cygnus – desperately sad but unbeaten, his gaze piercing. She watched as Cygnus rolled his eyes disdainfully.

"Ha!" he spat out. "What utter nonsense!"

"It's true, Minister," interrupted Lily, her heart pounding loudly in her ears, her nails digging into her palms to stop herself from unravelling. "I have new information proving that someone has been trying to frame James Potter. I would like to call Orion Black to the stand."

"Mr. Black?" asked Minister Minchum, peering at her over his spectacles. "Do you have any evidence to support this?"

Lily swallowed and nodded.

"Yes, Minister," she said, tilting her chin up. "New evidence obtained within the past hour."

"Objection!" shouted Cygnus Black.

"Overruled," said Minchum.

Loud murmuring broke out and many people turned to stare at Orion Black who was sitting near the front row.

"Very well, Miss. Evans," said the Minister, looking at Orion. "Mr. Black, please take the stand immediately."

Sirius' eyes had widened as he listened to Lily and he turned to look at Remus.

"What is she doing?" he stuttered.

Remus shook his head in bewilderment, as Orion walked down to the front of the courtroom. He stopped in front of Lily and stared down at her. Aside from Voldemort, he was the most intimidating person she had ever met, she could feel the rage emanating from him.

"Very well," he hissed, turning to glare at the Minister. "As I am completely innocent, I am happy to answer this…"

He waved a hand dismissively towards Lily, his lip curling.

"This… woman's questions. But I shall be suing her for defamation," Orion said, looking back at Lily with a deathly stare.

"You won't be suing anyone where you're heading, Mr. Black," Lily said, her temper rising. "Where were you on the night of Bertie Bulstrode's murder?"

"At home," said Orion, sounding bored. "Ask my wife."

"Can anyone else confirm that?" Lily replied.

Orion laughed.

"No."

"No reliable alibi so," said Lily flatly. "Can you confirm that you entered Hogwarts with inside help from a student?"

"No!" Scoffed Orion, laughing lightly. "I did no such thing!"

"Oh, but I very much fear you did, Mr. Black," said Lily coldly, walking closer to the stand. "The source of my information is very reliable. Your own wife, Walburga Black, confessed as much to me and to Sirius Black, your estranged son, as well as Alice Fortesque, an employee of the Ministry of Magic, Auror Department."

"What?" said Orion.

His pupils had dilated in shock.

"Oh yes, Mr. Black, Polyjuice potion can be very effective in extracting useful information from reluctant witnesses," said Lily, undaunted. "So, to get back to the night in question, you entered Hogwarts with inside help, you drank Polyjuice potion thereby passing yourself off as two students, Denver Flint and James Potter. One Seventh Year student prepared the Polyjuice potion for you, while another one got you into the building."

Lily turned and looked pointedly at Snape and at Carrow, without saying a word. The agitation on their faces was abundantly clear.

"Shall I continue, Mr. Black?" said Lily politely.

Orion Black was regarding her with real fear now.

"Very well," said Lily, giving him a pitying look. "You performed the spell and reverse curse yourself, the now tainted wand was given back to James Potter. You left immediately afterwards. A very well executed plan, Orion."

Orion's eyebrows shot up in distaste. How dare this mudblood refer to him like that!

"That's preposterous," said Orion. "How did I get the wand from Potter?"

He sounded unnerved.

"You used two different Polyjuice potions," said Lily, thinking fast. "The first one changed you into Flint, thus allowing you to gain access to James Potter, extract a sample of hair, most likely, for polyjuicing, and also curse his wand. Easy to do while he was distracted with teaching you. A well-executed Muffliato spell and the curse aimed at his wand. You didn't even need to steal it. Then, after swallowing the second dose, and looking exactly like Potter, you lured Bertie Bulstrode to his death. He was probably just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"You have no proof of any of this," said Orion.

He looked nervous though, and Lily's heart soared. She was right. Now she just needed to work out what spell he had used.

"I have Flint, who is willing to testify, despite being only eleven years old and terrified for his life!" said Lily sharply.

"You have no proof about the wands!" Orion cut her off.

"Yes I do, Orion!" Lily said, her green eyes glacial.

"I doubt that very much," Orion smiled contemptuously. "You know nothing of the art of Dark Magic."

"Unlike you, you mean?" Lily scoffed. "You cast a curse that bound the two wands together for the purposes of one spell only. It is called a Reverse Curse, as your wife told us. However, any spells performed before and after that time will be recorded accurately on the correct wand. So for example, on James Potter's wand we know that it showed the next spell he cast was a heating charm over Sirius Black and Remus Lupin as they slept. Whereas one of the next spells you cast was the Cruciatus Curse, which you used on your own son, Sirius Black."

There was uproar in the gallery.

"Quiet!" said Minister Minchum angrily. "Miss. Evans, please continue! Do you have proof of this?"

"Yes?" said Lily, turning to look at Sirius, looking regretful.

Sirius looked paler than she had ever seen him, but he stood up without hesitation.

"Yes, Minister," Sirius' voice was so quiet that the entire room had to strain to hear.

"Come here," the Minister motioned brusquely.

Sirius walked slowly up to the witness area.

"Show me your arm," he said to Sirius.

Sirius rolled up his sleeve and stood straight-backed staring at the Minister.

"Yes, definitely subjected to the Cruciatus within the past two weeks," Minister Minchum said, looking at him with pity.

Sirius nodded curtly, trying to keep his expression neutral. Now everyone knew that his own father had tortured him. He felt sick with shame.

"Miss Evans, the name of the curse and the incantation, please?" the Minister continued.

Lily's heart was hammering so loud she felt it might burst.

"From my research in the area, I suspect a delaying spell such as Exspectabo Proximo, followed by a switching or reverse curse?" Lily said, staring at Remus.

Remus shook his head, he had no idea. Lily looked up at Dumbledore and Mc Gonagall, who looked tense and unsure.

Exspectabo Proximo …

Sirius was on a misty, clammy beach in Northern France, aged eleven, the Summer prior to commencing Hogwarts. With his cousins and brother, looking at a muggle family playing with their dog, listening to Bellatrix talking to his father. He was lying on a rock, uncomfortable, pretending to be asleep because trying to be civil to his nineteen year old cousin Bellatrix was unworkable, and he was already covered in welts serving as a daily reminder of what he could expect if he caused more trouble.

"I want to get rid of it, its barking is infernal!" Bellatrix said. "Mamma won't let me, says it will draw attention to us."

"And yet you want to?" Orion Black said, Sirius had his eyes closed but he knew his father was smiling.

"Yes, I want to practice that new spell, the one I told you about?" Bellatrix said.

"Sirius Orion!"

Sirius sat bolt upright, his heart racing.

"Give me your wand, boy," Orion said, holding his hand out impatiently.

"Why?" said Sirius, staring back defiantly.

"Expelliarmus," Orion said lazily, catching Sirius' wand as it flew towards him.

"What are you doing?" Sirius persisted, standing up, his hands fisted angrily. "That wand is mine, I only just got it!"

"Have you forgotten what happens to little boys who can't keep their noses out of other people's affairs?" said Orion, his lip curling.

He raised his wand and Sirius doubled over as a grey spell hit him forcefully. He began vomiting profusely, retching and gagging until his eyes watered and he fell to his knees. In the background he could hear his cousin and his father laughing aloud and his father muttering a curse, and then another one, before something hit him on the back of his head and his wand fell into his vomit.

"Clean yourself up, you disgusting creature," he heard Bellatrix sneer.

Later that day he had been punished severely by his mother for killing the muggles' dog, not because it was inherently wrong, but because whoever killed it had made a huge mess in the process, and hence the tiresome need to obliviate three witnesses. He had insisted, screamed at his mother that it wasn't his fault, that he hadn't done it.

"I would never do that to an animal, how dare you accuse me of such a thing!" he had raged at her, tears in his eyes. "You know I love dogs! How could you even think that!"

"It was your wand, Sirius," his mother had screamed back, aiming her wand at his chest. "Never, ever lie to me again!"

It felt like sharp claws wrapping themselves around his throat until he couldn't breathe. Each time he fainted and the spell wore off, he regained consciousness, only to find her still screaming over him, wand ready. After the fifth time, he hadn't woken up until much later, and found himself lying in a large, cold, room at the luxurious Comte Royal Hotel, surrounded by chenille bedspreads of complicated patterns and his parents' raised voices. They were arguing over the need to better coordinate their punishments, to avoid killing him off unintentionally.

"Yes, Exspectabo Proximo," Sirius said, his mouth parched as he stared at his father. "And the reverse spell, it sounded like… something like… Circus Virtigo?"

"Circus Virtigo?" said Minister Minchum, looking perplexed.

"I don't know, he used it on my wand once, but I was too young," said Sirius, looking at James in panic. "I can't remember."

"Such a liar, always lying about everything, and you always get caught red-handed," Orion was laughing aloud again, and it sent a shiver down Remus' spine.

He wasn't sure if he could stop himself from leaping across the seats and battering the man.

"If I may be permitted to interrupt," Dumbledore's mild tone, amplified by a Sonorus charm, boomed across the room. "I think the spell that Sirius is referring to is called Circum Vertere?"

Dumbledore smiled affably at the Wizengamot and then at Orion Black, whose face had abruptly changed.

"I believe that in order to return the correct spells to the rightful wands, one must state the opposite incantation, Permuto Retro," he continued cheerfully, his hands clasped together in front of his bright indigo robes. "Perhaps Alastor Moody could have a go and see what happens?"

Moody was already hobbling towards the stand. The Minister handed him James' wand and Moody uttered the counter spell, glaring at Orion Black.

"Prior Incantato!" he then said, and the entire room strained forwards to watch as whispy spells emerged from James' wand in reverse order… the heating charm over Remus and Sirius, a tickling spell aimed at Peter, a cheering charm at a depressed-looking Hufflepuff…

"No Avadas here," Moody said gruffly.

"Mr. Black, your wand," Minister Minchum's voice was icy.

As Orion hesitated, Moody flicked his wrist and wordlessly summoned Orion's wand as some of the younger people in the auditorium oohed and aahed. He repeated the spell on Orion's wand and everyone held their breath as the shadowy forms of its most recent spells appeared…

A young man desperately stumbling to get away, as Orion's cold and restrained voice said "Crucio!" and the man apparated while screaming in pain…

"Potter, what are you doing?" followed by a flash of green light…

A muggle man who was staring in a threatening manner at the owner of the wand, Orion's voice softly intoning "Imperio!", followed by screams and sounds that reminded Remus of a car crashing into something…

Orion looked livid, his wrath spiralling as he turned towards Sirius.

"You!" Orion hissed. "That you would be responsible for the utter destruction of your family? That you would betray us like this? You deserved every curse I ever hit you with, I'm only sorry I didn't get to Crucio you more often, you deserved the punishment. But even I did not think you would stoop this low!"

"Shut the fuck up, you bastard, leave him alone!" said James, straining angrily against the restraints that still bound him.

Sirius stood his ground, perfectly still and straight. Hearing James' voice made him feel braver.

"I have put up with everything that you and Mother subjected me to, more than most people would have," he said quietly, wishing his voice would stop shaking. "But I couldn't let you go after James. If you were going to go after anyone, you should have gone after me."

"Quiet!" Orion said, and Sirius immediately flinched at the word.

"Right" said Remus, green eyes turning a wolfish hue, as he stood up quickly and walked up the steps to stand beside Sirius, eyes honing in dangerously as he looked at Orion silently.

"Don't you fucking DARE tell him what to do, you fucking sad bastard!" said James, who was getting angrier by the second. "You're lucky I'm restrained or I'd fucking well-"

Lily and Moody both moved to stand beside James as Orion turned around.

"Shut your vile mouth, blood-traitor!" he shouted, interrupting James. "Just remember you've signed your own death warrant today, all of Voldemort's recruits will be looking for your head from now on!"

"So be it!" said James, looking at him with fury in his eyes. "I was already planning on giving them hell anyway!"

"And he won't be alone either!" said Lily.

Despite the fact that Orion was wandless, she could feel menace radiating from him. She moved even closer to James and placed her hand on her wand.

"You'll look back on today, and you'll blame yourself!" Orion said with an evil smile.

In a split second, as James watched in horror and opened his mouth to shout a warning, Orion's hand was in his cloak and as he whirled around to face Sirius, a dagger was flying through the air towards his disowned son. Sirius had no time to register what was happening as Remus' right shoulder collided heavily against his side and he fell to the ground. He looked on in shock as Remus remained standing silently, the dagger tip neatly caught in his outstretched hand, an inch away from his heart. Orion stared in disbelief. Lily heard Remus hum quietly as he fixed Orion with hungry eyes.

"Return to sender, address unknown

No such number, no such zone"…*

"Shit!" she said urgently. "Remus! Minister!"

"If you don't arrest that Orion fucker immediately, Minchum, I swear to fucking Merlin," shouted James, beads of sweat dripping from his brow as he looked at his friends.

His voice seemed to waken the Aurors from a daze, and Moody and two others had Orion stunned and bound in an instant.

"This is preposterous!" said Cynus, his voice rising.

"The trial is over, Mr. Black," said Minchum, sneering at Cynus in a self-satisfied manner, as Aurors carried a stunned Orion away. "Go home."

Cygnus opened his mouth to protest and then closed it. Gathering his belongings, he fixed Lily with a cold stare, and then turned his attention to Sirius, his face filled with hatred.

"You should have died-" began Cygnus.

Remus stepped forwards, dagger still in his hand, his canine eyes flashing dangerously.

"While we're on the subject of death-" he said through clenched teeth.

Cygnus' eyes widened immediately, and he began moving backwards as Moody stepped forwards and stood in front of Remus.

"Give it here!" he ordered.

Remus lowered his hand and reluctantly handed the dagger to Moody.

"Be careful. It's poisoned," he said, as he sniffed the air. "Smells of Deadly Nightshade."

Moody picked it up gingerly and dropped it into a specimen bag.

"Lupin, eh?" he growled approvingly. "Why haven't I heard about you before now?"

"He's a fucking legend, Moody!" said James, smiling at Remus.

The room burst into hushed chatter as Moody walked over to James and unceremoniously slashed his bonds free, before muttering a spell that had the handcuffs falling to the floor with a loud clang. He pulled James up roughly by the arm and shook his hand tightly.

"You talk too much, and you're too impulsive, but I like you," he said, giving James a rare smile.

"About time, Moody!" said James, his own hands too stiff and cramped from weeks of disuse to be able to reciprocate.

And suddenly everyone was moving.

"Remus!"

Remus turned around and it was Sirius, standing there looking vulnerable and elated all at once, shaking. He closed the gap between them and buried his face in Sirius' neck, breathing in deeply. His Sirius.

"Thank God, Sirius, thank God," he mumbled repeatedly, kissing the side of his jaw softly, aware that the entire room was watching.

He felt Sirius tremble.

"I love you so much, Moony, I think I might burst," Sirius whispered back.

He looked up at Remus' face, his grey eyes stormy, and then Remus kissed him passionately.

"Are you alright?" Remus murmured, kissing Sirius' hand gently.

"I have you," Sirius replied, closing his eyes momentarily.

When he opened them, Mr. and Mrs. Potter were racing unsteadily towards their sons, and James and Sirius on seeing them, ran to hug them and stop them falling over. Tears of joy, and then James and Sirius in a bone-crushing hug.

"I was so scared, Prongs, I thought you were going to end up…" Sirius choked out, looking at James with fear.

"You nearly bloody died," James said, shaking his head in horror. "I'm so sorry, Pads, I'm so sorry…"

What did you tell someone whose own father had just tried to kill them?

"I always thought he'd kill me some day," Sirius said, trying to keep his tone flippant, and failing spectacularly as his voice broke.

James was suddenly acutely aware that they were basically on stage and the entire courtroom was looking at them. Sirius looked like he was either going to start bawling crying or else start screaming and throwing things, like he couldn't cope with kindness at this time.

He caught Remus' eye.

"Sirius, you saved James, thank Merlin you were able to remember that spell," Remus said warmly, putting as much praise and delight into his voice as he could.

Sirius shrugged, flicking his hair back and smiling at Remus.

"What are you talking about? You saved me!" he said.

"You saved my life, Pads, you saved me from a fate worse than death!" James said loudly, insistently, making sure everyone heard.

It was true.

"Sirius! Dearest, we can never thank you enough!" Mia was crying into Sirius' arms, stroking his face lovingly as Monty pulled him into another long, shuddering hug.

He heard people in the audience discussing Sirius' bravery, and crossed his fingers. The next day he breathed a sigh of relief:

"Sirius Black saves James Potter in a dramatic turn of events on the last day of Potter's trial" the Daily Prophet Headline screamed… Sirius the good-looking hero, not the disowned, rejected, nearly murdered son, just as James had hoped. Remus was relieved to see that his own part in the spectacle seemed to have been relegated. He didn't want people asking too many questions.

"Remus!" Mia Potter was hugging Remus so tightly he couldn't breathe, and he was pink with embarrassment as Mr. Potter shook his hand repeatedly, unable to speak.

….

James lifted his eyes, searching for her and found her almost immediately, her face glowing as though lit from within.

"Lily!" he said, as she flung herself at him.

He revelled in the feel of her, gripping him tightly and how perfectly she fitted into him, wrapped inside his arms.

"I can never thank you enough," he said, grinning from ear to ear as hope and exuberant euphoria swept over him. "Lily, Lily…"

He wanted to say her name and hold her forever.

"I'm never, ever, ever letting you go, ever again, James Potter!" Lily scolded, laughing and crying with relief, as she ran her hands over his chest and sighed. "I thought… I couldn't bear it…"

They held each other so tightly, desperately, James breathing in deeply like Lily was his source of oxygen.

"I told you the next time I kissed you, you'd be free," she said, looking up at him with tears in her eyes.

He didn't wait for her, put one hand in her hair and the other on her lower back and brought her even closer, till their lips practically touched.

"I fucking love you so much, Lily Evans," his low voice hummed.

She opened her mouth and he bent down and it felt like the world stood still and they kissed, as though for the first time. Soft and passionate and deep.

"You saved me," James said quietly, pulling back, smiling at her in wonder. "I don't know how you did it! You and Pads and Moony and Dumbledore-"

"Remus was planning something, if you got convicted, you don't know the half of it…" Lily said, looking over at Remus with concern and awe.

….

Remus felt a hand touch his shoulder gently, James standing beside Lily.

"Prongs!" he smiled, and spontaneously pulled the dark-haired man into a tight hug. "Thank God!"

"Lily told me about your bullshit backup plan. What the fuck were you thinking, Moony?" James whispered in his ear, all concern and chiding. "You were going to get yourself killed, old boy, I know it!"

"Pardon?" said Remus, shrugging as casually as he could. "I was just going to… create a diversion? You know…"

"No I fucking don't, but I can imagine it, and it doesn't bear thinking about, you fucking…" James said, lost for words as his eyes welled up. "You're the fucking bravest man I ever met, Remus John Lupin! I swear to Merlin don't you ever-"

"Sure, I won't ever put myself in danger for you lot if you promise likewise, James," said Remus, smiling warmly at James.

James opened his mouth indignantly.

"I say, can you please get your hands off my boyfriend, Prongs, he's already taken," said Sirius, as he wrapped an arm around Remus and kissing his cheek repeatedly. "I know he's insanely hot and sexy and swotty, while simultaneously being incredibly BAMF and fit, but he's mine."

"You're hopelessly smitten, Padfoot!" laughed James, pulling the other two into a group hug, as Remus' eyes roved over Sirius, burning with longing.

"Hey! What about me?"

They turned to find Peter grinning at them, and they all cheered and laughed as the four of them hugged boisterously.

James looked over at Lily, and she was laughing too, amusement and love in her eyes.

"You lot better go," she motioned to her watch. "Not much time before the moon…"

James came over and kissed her slowly, as Lily sighed and her chest heaved again.

He was torn between wanting to be with her, and with his frail-looking parents, and Remus, who needed them most…

"Mum and Dad know about Moony's furry little problem, they won't mind us leaving now, especially as he's their hero, as well as you and Pads," he smiled at Lily, pulling away reluctantly. "Would it be too much to ask you to stay with them tonight, and help them celebrate?"

"You could ask me to do anything and I'd say yes," Lily sighed happily, standing on her toes and kissing him again. "Will Sirius be alright?"

James smiled wistfully.

"Not now, but he will be, if we have anything to do with it," he said eventually, with determined finality, kissing Lily's forehead lovingly.

"Damn right, Potter," said Lily firmly, looking at Sirius with concern.

He loved how fiercely she cared for them all.

"I'm mad about you, Evans," he said, his dimple showing as he winked at her adoringly. "In case you didn't know."

"You better be," said Lily, her eyes lighting up again as she placed her hand over his beating heart. "Cause I'm never letting you go."

"You've already stolen my heart, Evans," James said. "You can keep it. It's yours."

"I think I'm going to puke if I have to listen to any more of this lark," called out Sirius. "Prongs, can you stop cavorting with your good lady, and get your pretty arse over here?"

"Pretty arse?" Remus' mouth twitched. "I think there's only one pretty arse here, and it's -"

"OMG, absolutely no way, we are not having this conversation!" huffed Peter, looking at James with annoyance. "Prongs, Merlin's balls, you always do this!"

"See you back in Hogwarts first thing tomorrow, yeah?" James said quietly, kissing Lily again. "I hate leaving you now."

"Take care of yourself and of the boys, and come back to me first thing," Lily said, reluctantly letting him go with a light shove towards his friends.

"Yes ma'm," James saluted.

The other three grinned and saluted her in unison.

"Potter, what have you started!" Lily rolled her eyes, smiling and looking on in benign amusement.

They're safe now, she said to herself, repeating it, like a mantra, they're safe.

…

"I'll join you in a second," James whispered to Peter as they headed out of Courtroom Ten. He couldn't find Dumbledore to thank him, but he had to speak to Bertie's parents.

He made his way slowly towards where Mr. & Mrs. Bulstrode sat in complete silence. They hadn't moved.

"I'm so sorry," he said in a low voice.

They looked at him uncomprehendingly.

"But… we were supporters of Voldemort. Why would Orion Black pick our son?" Mr. Bulstrode said, James could see he still somehow wanted to blame him. "We were on the same side."

"It was never about your son," said James. "It was about revenge. Revenge on my parents. Your son was an innocent victim in Orion's ruthless plan."

They continue looking at him blankly.

"Perhaps you might consider withdrawing your support from Voldemort, if that's how loyal followers are treated," James said.

Mrs. Bulstrode nodded her head.

"I certainly shall. Goodbye, Mr. Potter," she said, taking James' hand. "I'm so-"

"Please, Mrs. Bulstrode, I completely understand," James said, feeling desperately sorry for them, and gripping her hand tightly with both of his.

….

"Moony, am I glad you didn't have to follow through on your plan!" said Peter, handing Remus back the pile of letters marked private, as they headed back inside Hogwarts.

Remus had given them to him at the start of the trial that day, with a grim look that spoke of goodbyes.

"Why, did you read your letter?" Remus asked, looking dismayed. "I specifically told you not to, unless we activated Plan B!"

"No, relax, of course not," said Peter, lying smoothly, his acting skills coming into their own. "I just meant that it was bound to be dangerous."

"Yeah," said Remus, clearing his throat. "It would have been, uh, tricky."

"No doubt," Peter said, biting his nails.

Fucking Remus, with his plan that involved getting himself thrown into Azkaban or killed… was every single one of his friends raving bonkers, thought Peter, in agitation. Reckless? Stupid? Were they all going to get themselves killed within a year of leaving Hogwarts? Was he willing to sign up for this?

"Bloody Hell!" he muttered angrily to himself, tearing at the skin around his nails.

"You alright, Wormy?" said James, re-joining the group and flinging his stiff arm around the smaller boy's shoulders, smiling at him as though he hadn't just endured the worse few weeks of his life.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Peter said crossly, rolling his eyes.

"Huh?" said James, looking lost.

"Merlin's balls!" sighed Peter. "You're just… for fuck's sake!"

James shrugged, unsure what was bothering his friend.

"Missed my annoying presence, did you?" he grinned, ruffling Peter's thin hair. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

He had missed James' positivity, like having a big brother around who always had your back and was always on your side.

"Fuck off, Prongs!" he said, without any real conviction.

"That's my boy!" replied James, winking at him.

"Orion said Voldemort's men were going to come after you," he said quietly, after a while, watching James intently.

"Yeah. Fucking twat," said James, scratching his chin carelessly. "I'm dying for a long, hot bath, I stink!"

"James!" said Peter irritably.

"What?" said James. "He's a bastard, and I couldn't give a rat's arse what he says."

Peter looked at him in a scandalised manner.

James burst out laughing. He was taking the piss. Peter flipped him the finger.

Really and truly, they were all so fucked…

"You don't get it," he said, sighing heavily. "I was so worried, about you all dying on me."

James stopped walking.

"Shit!" he said, looking at Peter with a guilty expression. "I'm so sorry. I'm so bloody stupid sometimes."

Peter shook his head and then turned it into a nod.

"Yeah, you really are," he said, folding his arms defensively.

"Look, Wormy, the Marauders are indestructible, alright? As long as we stick together, we'll be just fine," James said.

He looked utterly convinced.

"Yeah," said Peter, half-heartedly, wishing he believed James.

…..

In the Shrieking Shack, Remus turned to Sirius.

"This is the first time I've ever been grateful for my condition," Remus said, smiling at Sirius. "If I wasn't a werewolf, my reflexes wouldn't have been quick enough. You'd be dead!"

"Moony," admonished Sirius, looking horrified.

"I mean it," Remus said quietly, a strange light in his eyes as he stroked Sirius' arm. "I'm glad I was bitten. I'd go through this transformation every day if it meant I got to keep you safe."

He meant it, he meant it with every fibre of his being, and Sirius couldn't take it. He closed his eyes and brought his hands to cover his face.

"Please don't say that, Darling," he whispered, tears pooling in his eyes. "I'd die every day if it meant I could save you from having to go through this torture every month."

"Merlin, just, just hug each other," said James to Remus and Sirius, running both of his hands through his hair in agitation.

Remus complied immediately and James sighed with relief. He was feeling too emotional for this conversation. Remus and Sirius had already been through so much. It wasn't fair. He desperately wanted them to be happy. And Wormy, all he wanted was a girlfriend and to pass his N.E.W.T.s - was that too much to ask?

All he knew was that they were facing into ever present danger, and he would do anything and everything in his power to keep Lily and his friends safe. James looked up at the rickety ceiling.

If there is a God, he thought, please keep them safe, if any of us must die, let it be me.

…

"I can't believe you nerds were going to wear robes to a disco," said Sirius, as he strolled into the Great Hall flanked by James and Peter.

He looked stunning, his glossy hair pulled back in a high bun, wearing figure hugging black jeans and a back sleeveless shirt with gold lions on it. Peter glanced at him and sighed, literally anyone else would have looked like an idiot in that outfit except Sirius, who managed to look spectacular, like some muggle Rockstar who happened to look like a god. The two Hufflepuffs who were in charge of charming the lights had then trained on Sirius, like a spotlight, as soon as he walked confidently into the room.

"I can't believe Dumbledore agreed to our idea of a Disco," said Peter proudly, pointing at the enchanted record player. "We have such good music lined up!"

"This is going to be one hell of a night, boys!" said Sirius.

Nobody would ever have guessed that he had been plagued by nightmares since the full moon two days previously. That he had hardly slept, waking bolt upright in bed seeing his father's face, wondering did Reg hate him now. Unable to talk to Reg. He needed this so badly, needed the music to take over his soul for the night, forget every terrible memory and just be Sirius Black – stunningly good dancer, centre of attention…

"Where are they?" asked James, ruffling his hair.

His white T-shirt looked good on him, showed off his tanned skin, but it was too baggy, as were his jeans. The food (more accurately the lack thereof) in prison had been problematic for him. His eyes searched the crowds of excited students, looking for her.

"You know, if you're planning on proposing to Evans soon, you should at least have let me fix you up to look mildly dashing!" Sirius said, glancing at James and shaking his head.

"Huh?" said James, distractedly scanning the room.

"Lucky for you you've a nice bod underneath those clothes," Sirius added. "I don't think she really cares what you wear!"

James didn't hear him, didn't see anything else apart from the beautiful red-head who was smiling at him from across the room. He couldn't even have described what she was wearing (a long flowing white dress with large yellow flowers), all he knew was that she took his breath away, swaying to the music. He walked ahead of the others, coming right up to her and lifting her off the ground, staring up at her adoringly, auburn waves falling onto his face. They looked at each other for a long time, the rest of the crowd unseen, her hands playing with his hair.

"I love you," they both said, simultaneously.

Her wide smile made him laugh, loud and warm, throwing his head back, as he turned them both around, spinning together as the music picked up. Slowing eventually, he brought her safely down, still in his arms.

How he loved her…

The music stopped. He looked around for Sirius and grinned at the sight before his eyes…

Sirius had strolled onwards, head held high, aware that as he passed, various students were whipping off their robes in favour of muggle-only outfits, everyone wanting to look like him.

As for him? He just wanted Remus. And when he saw him, he literally stopped dead in his tracks, eyes glued to the vision in front of him - hair almost golden and haloed from the backlighting, wearing those bloody leather trousers again (just when he didn't think there was anything Lily Evans could do to make him love her more!) and a well-fitting shirt, sleeves rolled up, a tawny colour with gold thread.

"Moony!" he stammered.

Almost in slow motion he watched as Remus turned around slowly and drank him in. He watched as Remus bit the side of his lip, a small smile hovering as he raised his brow marginally and looked briefly down at the floor.

Sirius swooned.

The music started.

**Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time

I feel alive and the world I'll turn it inside out, yeah

And floating around in ecstasy

So don't stop me now don't stop me

'Cause I'm having a good time, having a good time

Sirius began moving, closing his eyes briefly and fixing his gaze on Remus Lupin, the spotlight still on him, his grey eyes intoxicating.

I'm a shooting star, leaping through the sky

Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity

(how could anyone dance like that, thought Remus, pupils wide as he watched Sirius spin himself around, arms wide, before launching himself and doing the splits mid-air)

I'm a racing car, passing by like Lady Godiva***

(speechless as Sirius ripped the front of his shirt open, snap buttons popping easily, hips canted forwards and head falling backwards, his bun coming undone, black silky hair tumbling onto his bare shoulders, now standing right in front of Remus, a Remus too enthralled to realise how mortified he should feel)

I'm gonna go, go, go

There's no stopping me

(weaving around Remus like an intoxicating charm, unable to stop himself following Sirius with his eyes)

I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit

(Hands up into the air, pulling the collar of his shirt up, the brightest fucking star, thought Remus)

I'm traveling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

(standing right in front of Remus again, momentarily holding his chin with his thumb and index finger, his grey eyes sparkling with feverish hunger)

James, who up until then had been clapping and whistling loudly, shouting encouragement at Sirius and grinning manically at Remus' reaction, let go of Lily's arm and moved backwards.

"I need a bit of space here, chaps!" he called, as other students made room for him and looked on with interest.

As the chorus started, he ran towards Remus.

Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time

I'm having a ball

James flung himself on his knees and leaned backwards as he skidded to a halt on front of Remus and Sirius, arms out by his side.

"Oh Merlin!" said Remus, looking at James' unfeasibly large grin, suddenly aware that he was in the spotlight and that the entire room was clapping and shouting encouragement.

Don't stop me now

If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call

"To hell with it, you only live once!" said Peter, coming at them from the opposite corner and copying James' actions, for all intents and purposes looking like they were coordinating a dance routine.

Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time)

Don't stop me now (yes, I'm havin' a good time)

I don't want to stop at all

Dorcas and Emmeline went shooting across on opposite sides, their matching red dungarees polishing the floor, laughing hysterically at Remus' stunned face.

Yeah, I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars

On a collision course

I am a satellite, I'm out of control

I am a sex machine, ready to reload

Like an atom bomb about to

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh explode

Sirius was the only person in the entire room, the hottest thing he had ever seen, sweat on his cheekbones and chest making him glow like a painting come to life, and Remus was certain he was about to explode himself, as rows of other students copied his friends, the floor looking more polished by the minute.

"Fucking pathetic," his exceptional hearing picked out a voice behind him sneer. "Black is practically throwing himself at that weirdo Lupin, how utterly embarrassing. And dancing to this dreadful mudblood music!"

He twisted round and saw Wilkes talking to Snape in a far corner, looking hot and uncomfortable, one of the only students still wearing robes.

He squared his shoulders and moved into the spotlight proper, motioning towards Sirius whose eyes widened in surprise, beckoning him with his index finger. He watched as Sirius' face lit up.

If you wanna have a good time (wooh)

Just give me a call (alright)

Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time, yeah yeah)

Don't stop me now (yes, I'm havin' a good time)

I don't want to stop at all

Sirius flashed him a daring grin before running towards him and jumping into his waiting arms as the music faded and the entire body of students roared its approval.

"Inveterate show-off," Remus murmured, his aching joints forgotten as he held Sirius in his arms.

"You've been saving me since the very first day I saw you," Sirius kissed him.

"Oh James! I ship them so hard it's physically painful!" Lily grinned excitedly, gripping his arm and kissing his jaw.

Her hair was tumbling wildly around her, her lips swollen from their recent kissing and while she was delighting at the sight of Remus and Sirius, it was clear even to James, oblivious idiot that he was, that all night she only had eyes for him. That she was madly in love with him, how or why, he would never understand.

I want to marry you, Lily Evans, he thought…

...

* Elvis Presley - Return To Sender

** Queen - Don't Stop Me Now

*** Lady Godiva - an English noblewoman who, according to a legend, rode naked – covered only in her long hair – through the streets of Coventry to persuade her husband to stop oppressing his tenants. Of course Sirius would be a big fan...

 _Notes:_

 _I hope you enjoyed that, if you thought the end part was too long, blame Sirius Black, he basically refused to leave it out and made me write it!_


	35. You Bewitched Me

**Summary:**

 **Big decisions as the Marauders prepare to end their time in Hogwarts...**

 _ **Notes:**_

 _ **Happy Birthday TheEagleQueen! Early birthday chapter, I included what you said you like (angsty Remus) as well as Jily... I hope you like it (hiding now cause how do you live up to a Jily proposal?)**_

 **Chapter 35: You Bewitched Me**

"Finally made a decision?" the older man smiled at Remus.

Remus coughed self-consciously and nodded. The Puddlemere United top was too expensive, and throwing money around was the last thing he could afford to do, but he desperately wanted to do something to cheer Sirius up. His boyfriend had been playing a role since his Father's arrest, all casual, couldn't-give-a-shit nonchalance. He knew how upset Sirius really was.

"Yeah, he'll like it," he said quietly.

As he stepped outside Gladrags Wizardwear onto the streets of Hogsmeade, he shaded his eyes from the evening sun, looking for his friends in the busy cobbled shopping area.

"Oh great," he muttered to himself as he eyes grew accustomed to the light and he found himself standing inches away from three of his least favourite classmates.

"Lupin, looking forward to leaving Hogwarts?" asked Wilkes, with a twist of his upper lip.

"I suppose," said Remus, warily eying the three men and holding onto the tip of his wand.

"I hear there are going to be a lot of changes happening in the Wizarding world over the next few months," said Snape, smiling at Remus.

Remus stayed silent, refusing to be drawn into conversation.

"Things like the new laws concerning werewolves," continued Snape, with a gleam in his eyes. "You're into werewolves aren't you?"

Remus felt himself blanch. He stared at Snape in horror.

"Eww, that's a new one, Severus," said Carrow, looking at Remus with utter disgust. "You actually fancy werewolves? You're sick, Lupin."

"You might like to remind your werewolf friends that once you're of age, all werewolves are supposed to be registered with the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The way things are going, I wouldn't be surprised if they're added to the list of creatures that can be lawfully killed with a permit," Snape continued.

Remus swallowed hard and made to turn away.

"What are your plans, when you leave Hogwarts, Lupin?" Wilkes jeered. "You're not going to amount to much, are you? You're poor, you're always sick. You'll never hold down a job. You're not even attractive. There's no way your boyfriend is going to stick around once we leave school. Have you broken up already? You should do it soon. Less embarrassing for you if you're the one ending it, let's be brutally honest, Lupin."

Remus looked at the ground.

"Yeah, it was convenient for Black to put up with you here in Hogwarts. But don't flatter yourself," laughed Carrow. "You were just a fling, you mean nothing to him, obviously, aside from a bit of dancing in the sheets and roasting the broomstick. I hope you hadn't fooled yourself into thinking he actually cared for you?"

Remus could feel his breathing quickening, his chest felt tight, like he couldn't breathe. He closed his eyes momentarily.

"Aww, poor Lupin, getting all emotional. You did think that your relationship with your boyfriend was serious, didn't you?" Carrow burst out laughing. "You see where I went with that one, lol!"

Wilkes guffawed loudly, as Snape sneered with grim satisfaction.

"We never had any plans post Hogwarts," Remus said, his voice on the verge of breaking. "We were always going to go our separate ways."

"Oh," sniffed Snape, looking disappointed. "Well, Black is probably going to be your last boyfriend. You're a fucking loser, Lupin, a nobody, a waste of space. You'll be lucky to get a one night stand from now on."

"Are you finished?" he said, looking at Snape, his face gaunt.

"Yes, I think so," Snape must have read the broken-hearted look in his dull green eyes. "I hate you all, Potter most of all, Black is next, but you disgust me more than the others. You're a freak."

"Thank you for clarifying that," said Remus, with a resigned sigh.

He slung his satchel over his shoulder and started walking away from them, he didn't care if they tried to attack him now, he didn't have the energy or will to defend himself.

"How do the three of you come up with such unadulterated bullshit?"

He recognised the condescending, posh voice immediately.

"Sirius!" he warned, turning around in a flash. "Leave it! They're not worth it."

"I know they aren't, Darling," Sirius scoffed, glaring daggers at the three men. "Especially when we've already planned where we'll be living together when we leave Hogwarts."

Remus stared at him blankly.

"In Uncle Alphard's flat, obviously. He's letting us kip there," Sirius smiled disdainfully at Snape. "Do drop by, if you fancy getting your balls fried and your arses hexed into eternity. By the by, you didn't think I was interested in you lot as boyfriend material, did you?"

"What?" said Wilkes, looking appalled.

"Sweet Merlin! I mean Snape's nose is a definite no-no, Carrow's pock-marked face is obviously vile, and Wilkes' arse is as flat as a pancake. None of you are going to get laid any time soon, by anyone. I think you'll be stuck cuffing your carrots for a long time to come!" said Sirius, shaking his head with bemusement.

The look of horror on their faces was quickly replaced by boiling rage.

"A bitter truth is better than a pretty lie," Sirius smirked, dodging a spray of nasty spells.

His right wrist rolled elegantly and savagely as multiple incantations flew, his grey eyes narrowed and glinting like cold steel. Protective shields shimmered around them, Remus could see the flash of delight in Sirius' eyes as he took them on - impulsive, reckless, incredibly skilful. He was enjoying this.

"Vomitans Incipere!" Sirius said, as Snape doubled over, looking green.

"Venter Infirmum!" Sirius' spell hit Carrow who dropped his wand, clutching his stomach.

"Caliditas et Delerius!" as Wilkes' face took on a sickly hue and he started shivering violently.

"Expelliarmus!" Remus said, as all three wands flew neatly into his outstretched hand.

"Shall we?" Sirius said, gallantly offering his arm to Remus.

Remus sighed and slipped his arm around Sirius'.

"Wands will be waiting for you lot outside the front entrance," he said politely, without bothering to turn.

"Well, that was jolly good fun!" Sirius grinned at Remus, squeezing his arm gently, and leaning against him as they walked away.

"How did you come up with all those spells?" said Remus, sounding mildly vexed.

"Oh I've hundreds of them at my fingertips," said Sirius. "My parents were experts in the use of Nocere Curses by the time I ran away."

"Nocere?" said Remus, furrowing his brow.

"Curses causing bodily harm, everything from inducing delirium to vomiting bile. You get used to it," he said with a short laugh. "Although it's hard at the start… I was only four, I think. Maybe younger."

He shivered involuntarily, his eyes dark now, looking into the middle distance with a glazed expression. He had stopped walking.

Remus put his arms around Sirius and kissed him slowly and insistently, bringing him back to the present.

"What did I do to deserve that?" Sirius beamed at him, his own genuine smile soft and loving.

"Nothing," Remus said. "Everything."

You never deserved anything but love. So much love, Sirius, and I plan on making up for what you missed out on.

He wanted to say it. His chest was heaving with emotions, things he wanted to tell Sirius, curses he wanted to kill Sirius' parents with. He imagined a four-year-old Sirius, with wide grey eyes, hiding from his parents, scared and friendless, learning to protect his little brother to save him from a similar fate. How was Sirius so brave? He sighed heavily, running his fingers through Sirius' silky hair.

"Don't mind those bastards Moony," Sirius said heatedly, misunderstanding his sad expression. "Does this mean you'll come and live with me after we leave Hogwarts? You know I wouldn't last two days on my own without you! Although I'm afraid I lied about the flat."

"Stop antagonising them, Pads," said Remus, changing the subject. "It'll be much more dangerous soon, if we run into them outside of here."

"Oh yeah, like if I leave them alone now, they'll wave me through gallantly if we end up in the same battle in a couple of months? Give me a break, Moony!" Sirius barked a laugh.

Remus folded his arms mutinously.

"Fine, fine," Sirius said, trying a new tack. "You see this is why I need you, without you I'll end up dead within a week of graduating!"

He winked at Remus playfully.

"Shut up, you wanker!" said Remus gruffly, trying not to show how upset he was just thinking about the possibility. "I'll consider it. Give me a bit of time."

…..

"Prongs, how in Merlin's name am I going to get Moony to agree to move in with me when we leave here?" said Sirius, collapsing next to James on the Common Room couch.

"Keep fucking annoying him till he gives in for a bit of peace? That seems to be what you're aiming for," said James. "Although I'm not sure it's entirely fair on Remus."

Sirius looked despairingly at him.

"I know. Fuck…" he said, biting his lower lip and lowering his head. "I'm a complete bastard and I… I'm just thinking of myself."

"You're not a bastard, Pads," said James, leaning over and gripping his shoulder tightly. "Let me talk to him, yeah?"

Sirius looked up briefly, his eyes overly bright.

"Yeah, sure, go ahead," he said, trying so hard to sound casual.

James sighed quietly. The room was empty, everyone else was busy cramming for the exams.

"So, when are you going to propose to Evans then?" asked Sirius, leaning back over the side of the couch.

"Merlin, will you shut up about that, Pads," said James, eyes flashing angrily. "Why the ever-living fuck would I do that now?"

"No reason," said Sirius, pleasantly. "I heard you both bickering about where Evans will live when we finish school."

"That doesn't mean she wants to marry me! She's not that desperate, for fuck's sake!" said James heatedly.

"She loves you, you massive, clueless, idiot!" snorted Sirius.

James rolled his eyes so hard that Sirius thought his face was going to get stuck.

"So, no over-the-top proposal, then?" Sirius said. "No synchronised fireworks display, magically spelling out 'Marry me' in the night sky? No charmed fountains shooting jets of watery dolphins into the air, one with a ring box in its mouth? No choir of nightingales chirping your favourite song as you waltz her into your heart?"

James grinned at Sirius, who was looking genuinely disappointed.

"No, Pads, if I ever propose to Evans, it'll be all done the muggle way. No magic," he said, looking at the ground, and smiling to himself softly.

"Really?" said Sirius, sounding dubious.

"Yeah," said James. "There's magic in everything when she's around. It's enough."

Sirius hummed and looked out of the window.

"It's alright Pads, keep your ideas for whenever you finally get the nerve to propose to Moony. Moony will expect something dramatic," James smiled warmly.

Sirius looked at him briefly and resumed staring outside.

"What do I do, Prongs? I know he's never going to love me half as much as I adore him. What do I do?" he gave a short laugh, halfway between sad and bitter.

"You're wrong, Pads," insisted James, looking at Sirius crossly.

"I'm not," said Sirius calmly. "He puts up with my nonsense and my neediness and he's terribly kind, Prongs, fucking unbearably kind to me. He does find me attractive, but…"

James bit his lip and listened, trying not to interrupt.

"But for how long? There are other good-looking chaps, Prongs. What about in a few years? He'll see someone younger, better-looking, less fucking irritating, less infuriating… he told me I'm infuriating sometimes."

Sirius laughed weakly, sniffing and looking out of the window again, to avoid James' gaze.

"You can be infuriating, yeah," James shrugged. "But so can he. More infuriating at times."

"Yeah," Sirius laughed again.

There was silence for a while.

"What do I do?" Sirius' voice was a hoarse whisper.

"You… you love them anyway, Pads. You keep loving them, because they deserve it, and you want them to be happy, you want them to feel loved. You do it, knowing they may never love you back the same way, because each day with them is a gift. You know you don't deserve them, and you're so glad, so very glad. And if she walks away some day, you'll know you gave it your all, you'll know you couldn't have tried harder, loved her more dearly," James said, his voice trembling slightly towards the end. "That's all you can do."

Sirius looked at him, and he leaned forwards and hugged James tightly. James hugged him back, closing his eyes shut.

"In your case, you're a blithering idiot, Prongs, she's just as much in love with you, she mad about you," Sirius smiled, ruffling James' hair affectionately.

James smiled back, looking at the ground momentarily.

"You're ever so slightly biased, mate!" he said.

"Blithering idiot!" said Sirius, falling back against the couch, exhausted.

"Remus adores you, Pads, I promise you," James said, looking at Sirius with fierce intensity.

Sirius shook his head and smiled.

"It's alright, I'll manage, I'm not giving up on him, on us, not yet," he said. "If I'm lucky, I'll have inherited my darling Mother's skin and I've still got at least a decade of youthful good looks to trade on! Maybe I'll win him over in the meantime. Maybe luck will be on my side, for once in my fucking life."

There was no point arguing with Sirius when he got like that, James knew it.

"Alright, best brother and best friend," he said, grinning, grabbing hold of Sirius' arm tightly.

"Only brother," Sirius teased. "Thank you. I can never thank you enough."

"Sirius fucking Potter, I'd be dead or worse if it wasn't for you, fuck off with the thank yous, you wanker, unless you want me to get started!" said James.

Sirius raised his brow and flicked his hair.

"How is it that you've mastered the art of flicking your hair defiantly?" said James.

"Years of practice, old boy!" Sirius beamed.

James got up to leave.

"By the way, I got this for you from Dad, in case you ever need it," Sirius said casually, walking over to his trunk and removing a small, ornate box.

"What is it?" asked James, staring at the dainty solitaire diamond ring, surrounded by a plain white gold band.

"Your grandmother's," said Sirius. "Before your family made a fortune with Dad's potioneering skills, they weren't quite so nauseatingly rich. I thought it'd suit Evans very well - perfect for her skin tone, and perfect size too, she has narrow fingers. A huge ring would look ghastly and make her uncomfortable. Dad said if you ever propose to her, it'll be the best decision of your life."

"I can't believe you did that!" muttered James, gazing at the sparkling ring, wanting to be annoyed with Sirius for being an interfering git, yet finding himself entranced.

"You're welcome," said Sirius, a supercilious gleam in his eyes. "It's better to be prepared, you know, just in case."

James rolled his eyes, smacked Sirius' arm and pocketed the box.

Just in case…

…..

He left the Gryffindor common room, heading for the Library, where he knew Remus would be studying. He really wanted to head for the kitchens instead. He was starving, always starving, since getting out of the holding cells, and he still looking thinner than usual.

"Potter!"

James turned around, recognising the aloof voice immediately.

"Reg," he said warmly. "You alright?"

He didn't look alright, he looked thin, way worse than James, thinner than ever, like he hadn't eaten in ages.

"No," said Reg.

"Right," said James awkwardly, running his fingers through his hair. "Obviously not. I'm sorry about… you know…"

"No, I don't," said Reg. "What are you sorry about?"

"About everything," said James, scratching at his chin. "Your, your dad being a murderer, your-"

"My Father is not a murderer," said Reg, his voice louder, looking at James intensely. "He was framed. He said you framed him!"

"But… Reg, hang on, if you believe that, then you believe that I fucking murdered Bertie Bulstrode?" said James.

"He has done some bad things, but he does not lie, actually, Potter," said Reg, his face inscrutable.

"He fucking well tried to kill his own son, Reg!" said James heatedly, throwing his hands in the air in desperation. "How the hell do you still believe him?"

Reg flinched, his face whiter than ever.

"It doesn't…," he said quietly. "Father said they put him under the Imperius Curse."

"What the fuck?" said James. "He's lying to you. He's a murderer, and he tortured his own sons. All that bullshit he and your mother have fed you about muggles all being stupid and dangerous, it's all lies. He's a bad person, Reg, a very evil man."

Reg looked at him with wide eyes.

"He said it was for our own good. The curses, the punishments. He said he was trying to teach Sirius a lesson, for years, to help him in the long run," Regulus said, his hands clenched tightly at his side. "So did Mother."

"Bastards!" said James sharply, furiously. "Torturing your child is not the way to change their behaviour! Sirius has never done anything that deserved what your parents did to him! Orion deserves to rot in hell! Do you realise how young Sirius was when Orion first cursed him? He was only three or four years old! How can you possibly believe that was right, Reg? Answer me!"

"I don't believe you," Reg's voice was cracking. "It's a lie!"

He looked so frail, so haunted, his robes hanging off him so pitifully. James couldn't help feeling sorry for him.

"Oh forget it, Reg," James said. "If you really think I would kill an innocent boy, then nothing I can say will make you change your mind."

Reg was standing stock still.

"Yes," he said. "Because if you are right, then everything I have ever been told is a lie."

James rubbed his forehead fretfully. Reg turned to leave.

"Reg! Wait! Just," James stopped, regarding him intently. "Just… we'll be here for you, if you ever want us. You can stay with us, we'll keep you safe. You're Sirius' brother, which means you're my brother too. Don't forget that, Reg! Send an owl to my parents if you're ever stuck, or a Patronus to Sirius."

Regulus looked uncomfortable.

"I… I never mastered that spell, most unfortunately."

Regulus turned to leave again.

"Reg! Hang on! You need to know how to cast a Patronus, for fuck's sake!" he said gruffly. "Come on."

"Where?" said Reg, looking at him blankly.

"To find you a happy memory!" said James, looking grim.

….

"Moony, a word?"

Remus looked up and frowned, catching the unusually stern tone.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Is everything okay? Is it Sirius?"

"Yeah. What are your intentions towards Pads?" said James, pulling a chair out in front of him, folding his arms over the back of the chair.

"Really?" said Remus, leaning back in his chair and looking irritated. "Here? Now?"

"Yes. Here. Now," said James evenly, not looking remotely put off by his reaction.

He threw up a silencing charm.

"There. Done," he said. "Moony?"

Remus shook his head with annoyance and sighed heavily.

"Look, just, just give me a break," he said. "It's none of your business!"

"That's the thing, Moony, it is my business, because he's my brother! I've been telling Pads to back off and give you space, but you're dragging this out too long!" said James, his voice a gentler tone now. "You know how in love he is with you… he's worse than I ever was about Lily."

Remus snorted in surprise.

"Highly debatable," he muttered.

"I'm not joking, Moony!" said James, running both hands through his hair. "Look, you're just stringing him along at this stage, refusing to give him an answer. He deserves to know, damn it, one way or another! If you don't think your relationship is something you want to continue-"

"It's not that simple, you prick!" said Remus.

His voice was hard.

"Oh yeah, why?" said James dismissively. "Usual excuse of your furry little problem? He's not stupid, you know, he knows exactly what he's getting into! And he doesn't care, don't you get it? You, on the other hand, can't even afford him the courtesy of giving him an answer!"

"Prongs, I… I, fuck… I just need more time to," said Remus, looking agitated.

"No you don't," said James, leaning back.

He looked irritated. Remus ran a hand over his face, looking at James with quiet desperation.

"I know… it's just, it's hard, that's all," he whispered softly.

"Don't fucking play the martyr, Moony," warned James, getting up and putting a strong hand on his shoulders. "Please."

Remus closed his eyes momentarily and nodded slowly.

"I will tell him, I promise you," he said to James.

…

"Now, class, let us take a break for a few minutes before we do our final practice for the Potions practical exam tomorrow," said Slughorn, taking out his pocket watch from his lime green velour waistcoat and wiping his brow.

He turned towards his desk and saw a pretty filigree glass bowl, inside which floated a single lily petal. As he watched, the petal sank down towards the bottom of the bowl and transformed into a pearly-hued fish with bright green eyes.

"Wondrous!" said Slughorn, spying a pretty note under the bowl.

To Professor Horace Slughorn,

Professor Dumbledore told us it was you who knew the Circum Vertere and Permuto Retro spells. You saved James' life, I'll never forget that as long as I live. This silly gift is by way of a small thank you. For some reason he looks like a Francis to me?

Thank you for your unfailing kindness to me,

Love,

Lily Evans

Horace smiled to himself. He had told Dumbledore the information about those spells because, if he was honest, he was terrified that taking the credit might land him in Voldemort's bad books, or at the very least lose favour with a substantial minority of his Slytherin students. Dumbledore had been more than happy to appear all-knowing. He was pleased that Lily Evans knew the truth though. He looked over at her, and she winked cheekily and mouthed "thank you" as he nodded fondly. He would have to thank her properly after class.

"Where was I?" he said absent-mindedly, turning back to the students. "Ah, yes, let's take a break!"

"Yes, let's!" said Sirius, giving Slughorn a manic grin. "I'll entertain them all with a dashing little tune on the pianoforte."

"Oh Merlin, no!" said Remus, gritting his teeth and sinking into his chair.

"Oh, how wonderful, Mr. Black – sorry, Sirius," said Slughorn, looking delighted. "To what do we owe this pleasure?"

"To my wonderful muse and boyfriend, Remus Lupin," said Sirius, sending Remus a flirtatious kiss.

Remus groaned with embarrassment. What the hell had Sirius done, pianos appearing in every second classroom, serenading him in front of the entire class for the past few days!

"Make him stop!" he hissed at James, who smirked and shook his head.

"This song is dedicated to him, in the hope that he realises how head over heels in love with him I am, and how much I'd like to move in with him after we leave Hogwarts!" Sirius said, smiling at the audience and glancing covertly at Remus to gauge his reaction as he began to sing, his voice low, elegant fingers flying over the piano keys.

"Ooh let me feel your heartbeat grow faster, faster*

Ooh ooh can you feel my love heat, ooh

Come on and sit on my hot-seat of love

And tell me how do you feel right after-all

I'd like for you and I to go romancing

Say the word, your wish is my command

When I'm not with you

I think of you always

I miss those long hot summer nights, I miss you

When I'm not with you

Think of me always

Love you, love you"

Remus stared at him, recalling the first time Sirius had played that for him. Sirius knew he had a soft spot for that song. The entire class clapped enthusiastically and cheered for Sirius, as he gracefully bowed and stood up, staring at Remus with a playful smile. Remus stared back. He would never understand what Sirius saw in him, why Sirius seemed to be so in love with him. Sirius, walking towards him now, looking so happy and so besotted. It was beyond reason…

He looked at Sirius.

What the fuck, his look said.

I adore you, Sirius, all of you, body and soul – that was what he wanted to say.

…

"What's this about?" Lily whispered to Sirius.

"No idea, babe," said Sirius, grinning as she elbowed him.

"Important enough to drag us out of class," she said.

Sirius shrugged casually as Dumbledore cleared his throat and looked at the group of students.

"Ahem, thank you very much for meeting with us," said Dumbledore, nodding towards Dearborn who smiled briefly, leaning against the wall. "We wanted to put a proposal before you. As you know, Alastor Moody has long held suspicions that some of the Aurors on his team may in fact be working for Voldemort. He believes that is how Malum was murdered in custody last year, before she could reveal information about the Death Eaters to the Ministry. While some of you may have been considering joining the Auror Department when you leave school, I believe that is not the best way to fight Voldemort."

He looked over at James and Lily as he spoke.

"I have set up an independent, secret society to fight Voldemort. It goes by the name of the Order of the Phoenix. Dearborn and I are both members. We can operate outside the restrictions of the Ministry. We have managed to foil many attacks by Voldemort's army already. But we desperately need more recruits. We are spread too thinly on the ground," Dumbledore smiled affably.

"Count me in!" said Sirius immediately, smiling widely at the old man.

"Excellent, Sirius," Dumbledore said. "Although you might want to hear a bit more about-"

"Couldn't give a fuck!" said Sirius, grinning casually. "Look, I sure as hell want to fight them rather than waiting for them to show up at my doorstep! And I'm a pretty good dueller."

Dearborn nodded.

"You are, yeah, as long as you focus and don't start showing off and get killed in the process," he said.

Sirius pouted.

"I can be excessively focused when I choose to be!" he said, stretching his long legs out in front of him and regarding Dearborn with pure condescension.

"Remus Lupin," whispered James, winking at Peter.

Sirius turned around immediately.

Remus felt himself blush and looked at the floor as he heard Peter and James snigger.

"You don't need to decide straight away," said Dumbledore, placing his hands down on his desk. "I wish that circumstances were such that I could encourage you to take up other posts. Perhaps some of you would be best suited to becoming Quidditch stars (he looked at James), Healers (he looked at Lily), Professors here in Hogwarts (he looked at Remus), Curse Breakers (he looked at Emmeline), Aurors (he looked at Dorcas and Benjy), Obliviators (he looked at Peter) or even Unspeakables (he looked at Sirius)."

Sirius gaped at him with his mouth open.

"But we need you. We want you specifically. You have shown yourselves to be brave and daring when needed and to want to fight against the pureblood mania of Voldemort's troops. I believe you are loyal to me and that we can rely on you. We want friends to join, because friends can keep each other going, keep up morale, and you know each others' flaws and skills,**" Dumbledore said.

"You want all of us?" said Remus, pulling at his shirtsleeves.

"Yes absolutely, especially you, Mr. Lupin. You are particularly talented in DADA and you have other specific… qualities which would serve our cause very well," said Dumbledore, smiling at him.

There was silence.

"I'm in, Sir," said Remus, after a long pause, with a grim look in his eyes.

He really didn't have much choice, but he guessed Dumbledore knew that. And at least he would be earning some money this way.

"Eh, what's the pay situation?" asked Peter, looking around sheepishly.

"Very good point, Mr. Pettigrew!" said Dumbledore cheerfully. "Well, essentially, anyone who is self-sufficient doesn't get paid. Those of you who aren't, there will be access to small amounts of cash at regular intervals. We are reliant on donations to the cause."

James thought quickly. His parents could easily afford to give him money each month, more than enough to pay for all of them to live comfortably until the war was over. He didn't dwell on when that might be, he was hoping months rather than years, even though he knew that was wishful thinking.

James looked at Lily and she nodded slowly.

"I'm in," he said.

"So am I," said Lily.

"Definitely," said Benjy. "I'm a muggleborn, this is my war."

"We're joining too," said Dorcas, as Emmeline gave a curt nod.

Peter felt uncomfortable, he was the only person who hadn't responded yet. He thought it sounded like a shit deal. But he had no idea what he was going to do when he left school. He had always hoped he would end up working with his friends. And he could always pull out.

"I want to be a part of the Order too, Sir," Peter said.

"Well done, Mr. Pettigrew! Delighted to hear that!" said Dumbledore enthusiastically. "Lemon sherbets, anyone?"

Dearborn looked on, a dour look on his face, feeling guilty.

With promises to meet up again before the end of term, the group of students began shuffling towards the door.

"Could I see you briefly, Sirius?" said Dumbledore mildly, stopping him in his tracks.

Sirius stuck his chin out defensively.

"Sirius, I was contacted by your Uncle Alphard's Legal Counsellor," said Dumbledore, when the others had left. "I'm afraid you Uncle passed away rather unexpectedly."

"I see," said Sirius, his bravado crumbling.

He had rarely met his Uncle, but he liked him, a lot. He had always been kind towards Sirius, although they barely ever got to meet, as his parents didn't approve of Alphard. He recalled his uncle slipping chocolates and sweets in his pocket on occasions when he had been in trouble with his parents. He hadn't said anything, but the gesture and accompanying supportive smile had meant a lot to him at those times. Dumbledore handed him a thick parchment and patted his shoulder.

"I think he mentioned you in his will, Sirius," he said.

"Sir?" said Sirius, as Dumbledore left.

All alone, he opened the seal and stared at the document in awe.

…..

Sirius walked back into the dorm, eyes still glued to the parchment in his hand.

"Sirius?"

He looked up, a somewhat dazed expression on his face.

"Moony!" he said, smiling at Remus distractedly. "What can I do for you, Darling?"

Remus looked tense as he shook his head.

"I'm good, I just… Sirius, I need to say something. And I need you to promise me you won't interrupt, you'll let me finish first?"

A cloud passed over Sirius' face.

"Moony, it's alright, you don't need to decide," he said, biting his lip anxiously.

Now that it came to it, he didn't want to know, didn't want Remus to tell him he was ending their relationship.

"I do though, I have to," Remus said, standing up and clenching his fists by his side.

"Very well," said Sirius, eying him warily and sitting down, all his energy evaporating in an instant.

"You have to understand, Sirius… it's going to get worse. More werewolves are siding with Voldemort now, people are terrified, there are reports of…" Remus stopped, feeling sick, he couldn't even describe what he had seen.

"What are you talking about?" said Sirius.

Remus swallowed, his mouth felt like dust.

"I skipped History of Magic and went to the Ministry yesterday, to register, I should have done it ages ago, they fined me for being late," he smiled weakly.

"Fuck them!" said Sirius angrily. "The bastards! How much did you have to pay?"

Emptied my bank account…

"More than I wanted to," he replied evasively. "They, uh, they made me look at some photographs of werewolf atrocities… it was pretty awful, Sirius."

He shuddered violently, turning away and trying to bring his breathing back under control, as he recalled his visit to the Department.

"Lupin, my name is Barty Crouch, Undersecretary for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. I need you to look at these photographs," said the prematurely-bald man seated across the desk from him.

Mr. Crouch handed Remus a packet. The first photograph showed a number of dismembered bodies lying inside a completely destroyed family home, with a lone dog hiding in a corner, shaking and presumably barking in terror.

"I don't want to see this," Remus pleaded, feeling himself gag, and placing his hand over his mouth in horror.

"You will refer to me as Sir, Lupin," said Crouch, looking angry.

"I don't want to see this, Sir," said Remus.

"You have no choice, Lupin," said Mr. Crouch, smiling at him incongruously. "These are obviously werewolf attacks on innocent men, women and children, the pictures were taken by Aurors investigating murder scenes. Whether you define them as beasts or beings, you are one of them. Describe what you see."

"Pardon?" he croaked.

"Tell me what you see in each of the photographs, Lupin, I want meticulous detail," he said crisply. "We shall remain here until you complete this with each of the twenty photographs enclosed."

"Oh God!" Remus choked back a sob. "I can't… please… I don't think…"

"You have no choice, Lupin!" his eyes gleamed. "Take all the time you need. There's a bucket beside you if you feel the urge to vomit."

Remus took the photographs in his trembling hands.

"The-there's a," he whispered.

"I can't hear you, Lupin, speak up," ordered Crouch coldly.

"A wo-woman, a dead woman," unable to raise his voice.

"Describe her injuries," said Crouch.

Remus opened his mouth to speak, gagged and vomited onto the desk. Crouch sighed, flicked his wand and a cleaning spell disappeared the mess.

"You were saying, Lupin?"

When he turned back eventually, Sirius was looking at him with smouldering eyes, like it was taking every ounce of self-control to stop himself interrupting Remus. (It was).

"I wish I hadn't seen them," his voice shook. "They gave me the…"

"What did they do?" Sirius was staring at him, white-faced.

Remus felt his legs give way under him, he sank to the floor in front of where Sirius sat, Sirius trying to hold him up and ending up on his knees beside him.

"It's fine, I didn't… being put down… I couldn't… I was too scared…" Remus said hoarsely.

Sirius stared at him in terror.

"It's alright, Pads, nothing happened," Remus said softly, running his fingers over Sirius' cheeks to dry his tears.

Sirius closed his eyes tightly and held onto Remus' hands as though holding on for dear life.

"And they also… I now… there's this," Remus said, trying to keep his tone neutral as he pushed his collar down.

Sirius looked at him in shock, at the welt on his neck, the reddened skin with W#338 on it.

"What is that?" Sirius said, looking horrified.

"It will fade entirely, and nobody will be able to see it with the naked eye, but their wands can make it glow, so they don't need to wait till a full moon to prove you're one," he said evenly, buttoning his collar back up.

"Fuck them!" Sirius' voice shook with rage.

"There may be more things," said Remus urgently, holding onto Sirius' arms and forcing his boyfriend to look at him. "They're considering legislation to round us all up… internment. For the duration of the war, or, well, possibly indefinitely."

Sirius' eyes blazed and tears sprang once more in his eyes.

"Moony!" he said thickly.

"Are you prepared for that? Because this is what being with me looks like! Are you willing to subject yourself to that shit? We won't have a choice, I may become…illegal. People are terrified, with good reason! The things I saw, Sirius, I swear I'd probably vote to imprison all werewolves too. And you, you could end up in Azkaban for aiding a Dark Creature. They could make it illegal for us to be together," Remus shouted at Sirius, his voice was hard and angry.

Remus stood up and folded his arms, almost hugging himself tightly. Sirius shook his head.

"I don't fucking give a damn, Moony!" he said, rising up and grabbing hold of Remus in his own turn and shaking him. "Fuck them! Fuck them all! I love you, Remus Lupin! I don't care what you saw or what they said. I'll always want you. I need you! Please! Give me a chance!"

"But what if it happens?" persisted Remus.

"We run away, you and I, we go somewhere where you can be safe, where prejudiced bastards aren't in charge. I'm not risking my life for a country that would do that to one of their own!" Sirius said.

Remus put up his hand and Sirius stopped talking.

"No, this is the deal, Sirius," Remus said, his face taking on the familiar haunted expression that was usually reserved for the full moons. "If we're still together and these new laws come into effect, then you have to promise me you'll leave me, break it off with me. I don't know what I'll do if that happens. But I do know I won't take you down with me. Take it or leave it. That's my only offer."

Sirius saw the hard look on Remus' face, the stubborn, implacable look, the stoical bastard look, as Sirius called it. There was no changing his mind. Silence hung in the thick air.

"Fuck you, Remus!" he snarled. "No fucking way!"

Remus' lips closed tightly.

"No fucking way!" shouted Sirius, lashing out and sending everything on his desk flying, bottles smashing, ink well shattering, pages floating aimlessly.

He looked back at Remus, standing motionless.

"Fuck you!" he said, his breathing laboured, his fists clenched unbearably tight.

He snapped, his fist smashed into the side of his bed, the post cracking and he swore loudly, it felt like he had broken his knuckle. Remus didn't move. He hurled a textbook across the room, smashing the objects on James' bedside locker.

"Fuck!" he screamed.

Eventually Sirius stepped closer to Remus, his grey eyes on fire, their lips practically touching.

"Fuck you, you know I'll say yes," he whispered bitterly, his voice practically gone. "I hate you."

He could see Remus' chest heaving, still silent, his eyes giving nothing away.

"I promise. You know I'll do anything to stay with you," Sirius murmured, anger glinting in his red eyes. "And I hate you for it."

They stood frozen in front of each other, as Remus shut his eyes momentarily.

"Thank you," Remus opened his eyes. "Thank you. I'm sorry."

"I still hate you," Sirius said, his voice softer now. "Deeply hate you. So much."

"I know," Remus' low voice hummed, his eyes fluttered shut as their lips pressed together, hot and desperate.

….

"By the way, Uncle Alphard kicked the bucket. Decent fellow. I was rather fond of him. Got blasted off the family tree, just like me. Left me his flat, and a rather substantial amount of dosh. It's unplottable. We're moving in, all five of us. I'm not taking no for an answer, so don't go there."

They both lay exhausted on Remus' bed, Sirius tracing his index finger gently along a scar running across Remus shoulder and back.

Remus hummed again, kissing Sirius' neck.

"I'm so sorry about your uncle, I know how much he meant to you. And I'm not objecting, I'm broke," he sighed, wishing he had something, anything, to offer Sirius. "Does Lily know? Has she given this the green light?"

"Oh, she will, trust me," Sirius smiled wistfully. "I bet you a year's supply of Firewhisky that Prongs proposes to her."

Remus raised his brow sceptically.

"Now? At eighteen? Did he say as much?"

"Nope," said Sirius. "But I know Prongs, better than he knows himself!"

…..

Fucking Pads, messing with his mind, putting ridiculous, outlandish ideas in his head!

"Fuck!" he groaned to himself for the umpteenth time, kicking at the long grass with his scuffed toes.

He was an idiot.

He didn't think it was possible to love someone so much. And he wanted her to be safe. To be loved. Utterly and completely. Her sister was worse than useless.

He was being stupid and impulsive and ridiculous. Who got married at eighteen? What was he doing, thinking that he was in any way worthy of asking Lily Evans to marry him?

He was such a massive idiot.

But Merlin, who knew how many of them would survive this war? How much time they had together? He knew he was never going to love anyone as much as he loved Lily Evans. His soulmate. Was he going to ruin everything by asking her?

He was a fucking disastrous idiot…

He found he had wandered down to Hagrid's cottage, basking in the early morning sunlight, dark smoke wafting from the chimney top. It smelt unusual.

"Hey, Hagrid!" he stuck his head in the window and grinned.

"James, lovely te see you!" Hagrid's voice boomed cheerfully. "Want a bit o' breakfast?"

"Er," said James cautiously. "What are you cooking?"

"New recipe I got off an Ozzy bloke, billywig stew, apparently tastes surprisingly like prawns?" Hagrid held up a large iron ladle filled with sapphire and grey slime.

James gagged.

"Er, no thanks Hagrid, just ate a massive plate of bacon and eggs, I'm good!" he said. "Maybe next time, yeah?"

Hagrid puffed up his chest proudly.

"I'll invite ye personally, Mr. Potter!" he beamed, causing James to wince. "Now, what can I do for you, eh? Ye didn't come over loiterin' here for no good reason, and it's too early to help me clean my Mackled Malaclaws?"

"Yeah, I…" James paused.

Why was he there?

"Hagrid, what's the most beautiful part of the grounds?" he asked, cheeks slightly red.

"Depends," said Hagrid solemnly. "what time o' the day and what time o' the year are ye talking about?"

"Evening," said James, scanning the landscape. "Nightfall. This time of year."

"Easy," said Hagrid, smiling broadly at the smaller man, and pointing to the far corner near the beech wood. "That there's a magical spot, James, beautiful!"

"Thanks Hagrid!"

James walked back whistling quietly to himself.

…..

She felt like she had stepped back in time, inside a black and white film, twilight, no colour in the landscape, the trees a warm grey, the castle in the distance a cooler shade, the grass a pale asparagus tone, the soft breeze rippling through the uncut meadow near the edge of the woods, Hagrid's cottage glowing in the penumbra. James, with his dark hair and white shirt, his warm arms and warmer smile, his eyes burning with desire and affection. She saw the fireflies, soft glimmers of light, electrifying the summer night, dancing towards them, hovering amid the sighing branches of the beech trees.

"This is beautiful. You're beautiful," she said quietly.

James looked down at her, the fireflies pulsating, making her green eyes sparkle, flashes of auburn caught in their whimsical flight, her green chiffon dress almost black, flowing behind her in the breeze. She took his breath away.

"Lily…" he stumbled.

"Yes?" she said, reading something important in his eyes.

He couldn't get the words out. He walked over to the old record player, a 1920s wind up gramophone, which he had placed on top of the large horizontal branch of the only oak tree. It could play about twenty minutes of music on a single manual wind-up. The old music crackling to life, the needle moving a little too fast, the song speeded up.

"Yours 'til the stars lose their glory***

Yours 'til the birds fail to sing

Yours to the end of our life's story

This pledge to you dear, I bring

Yours in the grey of December

Here or on far distant shores

I've never loved anyone the way I love you

How could I, when I was born to be

Just yours."

They swayed in the gloom, barefoot on the grass, her head resting on his chest, listening to his quickening heartbeat, closing her eyes as she hummed to the tune, a smile hovering on her lips.

"You know it?" he asked.

"Yeah, I know it, it's really old, early 1950s," she laughed lightly, breathing in everything that was James – warm, strong, wanting him so much.

"Oh," he said, sounding slightly deflated. "I was told it was popular."

"It was once," she grinned up at him, running her fingers into his hair.

"It says what I couldn't say," he said.

She loved when he got that self-deprecatory look, that, and his sense of humour. She couldn't love him enough.

"It's beautiful," she said, holding on to his collar and pulling his face towards her lips.

They must have kissed for a long time, the light was nearly gone when she opened her eyes.

"Did you enchant the night for us?" Lily whispered, looking around her in wonder, at James adoringly.

"No. This is just nature's magic," he grinned playfully, bringing her closer to him.

She shook her head, not believing him.

"You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you,****" James said quietly.

"James," said Lily, gazing at him in astonishment and joy. "You read it?"

"I did," he smiled. "And I do."

"You do?" Lily looked at him, confused.

"You recall that part, when Darcy tells Lizzy 'my affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever?' – you recall that?" he said.

"Yes, yes, I do," said Lily, feeling lightheaded, breathless. "I liked it, his respect for her…"

"One word from you will silence me on this subject for ever," James repeated, slowly.

He was down on his knees now, looking up at her, something white and sparkling in his hand, nearly as beautiful as his eyes.

"Lily Evans, I don't deserve you, I know that, but I love you so much," he said, in his low, rich voice. "Marry me, Evans?"

She blinked once, twice.

Oh.

OH!

"Evans?" he whispered.

"You'll be marrying a mudblood," she said, looking down at him, her face now grave.

"Don't use that word! You'll be marrying a blood-traitor, apparently on Voldemort's hit list, Evans," countered James.

"Yes," she nodded.

"Er, Evans?" he said anxiously. "Which yes are you referring to, specifically?"

"Oh James! Yes, yes," she said, as he slipped on the ring. "How could you think it would be anything other than yes?"

She kissed him passionately and he didn't know it was possible to feel such overwhelming joy.

"Yes, James, I want to marry you. So much. I'm yours, do you understand? Just yours."

She clung to him fiercely.

"Yours, Evans," said James, basking in her smile.

"Soon to be a Potter," she grinned shyly.

"Fuck!" he groaned, holding onto her tightly as he began to kiss her neck.

"Like that, do you?" she teased. "Like the sound of Mrs. Potter?"

He made a garbled noise in his throat, running his thumb over her cheeks and her lips.

"Yours," he murmured, lifting her up easily and carrying her in his arms towards the distant castle.

"Where are we going?" she said, opening his shirt button and planting a kiss there.

"Heads' Dorms," he said.

"Wonderful plan," murmured Lily.

"I love Minnie, she's an angel," said James, finding it hard to concentrate on walking when his entire being wanted something else.

"Oh how fickle, Mr. Potter!" said Lily, running her hand through his hair. "Already found another love!"

She sighed happily, unbuttoning his shirt a little more.

"My love," she kissed the newly exposed skin.

"Yours, till the very end," he said.

Starlight burned in his eyes.

...

*Good-old-fashioned Loverboy, by Queen watch?v=PI3LAgGBxqU

(if you want to read about Sirius playing the piano that time in the Shack, it's this one-shot: Gently Play on Your Heart Strings)

** During recruitment in World War I in the UK, young men were actively encouraged to join with friends, as a way to recruit more soldiers. It was felt that they would keep each others' spirits up. These groups became known as "Pals Battalions".

*** Yours, sung by Vera Lynn 1952 (famous English singer, especially popular during World War II) watch?v=K1Hcq8TWdQI

**** Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen

 _ **Notes:**_

 _ **Hope you enjoyed that (I've no idea if it's any good!), honestly any thoughts, good, bad or indifferent are wonderful, I love hearing from you xxx**_


	36. Diamond

**Chapter 36: Diamond**

"Holy bloody Merlin!" said Sirius, his fork frozen mid-air in front of his mouth.

"What is it?" Remus asked, rubbing his eyes.

He was wearing the soft, unguarded look that Sirius loved.

"What are you talking about?" said Peter.

Sirius blinked, momentarily completed diverted by Remus looking delectable.

"The fucking ring, you fools!" he said, practically hopping with excitement.

"Pardon?" said Remus, stifling a yawn, and looking around.

Lily and James were walking towards their table across the great hall, looking ridiculously in love. James' arm was wrapped protectively around Lily's shoulders and hers around his waist. They were whispering and laughing, gazing into each other's eyes adoringly. As he watched, James stopped walking and moved to hold Lily's face tenderly in his hands and kissed her. She closed her eyes and deepened the kiss, a flash of light as she moved her hands to rest on James' arms.

"I don't believe it!" he said, staring at Sirius in shock.

"Yess!" said Sirius, punching the air triumphantly. "I fucking knew it! You owe me a year's supply of firewhisky, Moony!"

"Whaddayamean?" said Peter, who had been too caught up in finishing his Irish Breakfast to see anything.

"You're engaged!" Sirius called out, beaming at them as he stood up and raising his glass of pumpkin juice. "I'm so fucking thrilled! Prongs, you wonderful, glorious idiot! I told you she'd say yes!"

The entire room was now staring at Sirius, a not unusual occurrence.

"Of course I did, Sirius!" said Lily, with the happiest smile Sirius had ever seen. "We're getting married!"

Peter dropped the glass of orange juice onto his lap and stared at them in confusion. Across the hall, Severus Snape dropped his cup of coffee, splintering across the floor noisily.

Sirius deftly hopped over the long bench and rushed over to smother Lily in a bear hug, Lily laughing and hugging him back just as enthusiastically.

"Lily, I'm so bloody happy for you, Darling, I'm so, so, glad!" Sirius said. "Thank you for saying yes!"

Lily laughed again and shook her head at him.

"Yes, brother-in-law!" she said cheekily, patting his shoulder.

The smile on Sirius' face made Remus ridiculously happy.

"I told you that you'd end up being my sister-in-law, did I not, old thing?" he grinned. "I bags-"

"Yes, Pads, you can be my Best Man!" said James, who also wore the biggest smile Sirius had ever seen.

Sirius grabbed hold of James' blazer and hugged him tightly, unable to speak. He coughed self-consciously.

"I couldn't be happier for you, old boy," he said gruffly. "You did good!"

"Thank you, for the push," said James, grinning back and messing up Sirius' hair.

Sirius didn't even notice.

Remus stood up, mirroring his friends' smiles.

"Lily!" he said, as she hugged him warmly.

He looked at her and they didn't need to speak to communicate. She squeezed his hands tightly and laughed joyfully.

"Some good news!" she said.

"Such good news," he said.

James came over, hugging him and laughing too.

"You're going to be insufferably positive, Prongs, worse than ever," Remus commented, trying to keep a straight face and failing utterly.

"For the rest of my life, Moony," laughed James, his eyes sparkling. "Get used to it! This inane grin will still be in place when I'm old and crotchety!"

Remus bit the side of his lip, smiling at his friends. Sirius beamed at Remus and hugged him impulsively, planting a kiss on his cheek in front of the entire room.

"Gerrof, Pads!" said Remus, swatting his arm.

"Moony is old and crotchety already," said Sirius, turning to James and giving an exaggerated sigh. "Can you imagine what he'll be like when he's actually a grumpy old man?"

He winked at Remus.

"God help me!" groaned Remus. "If I still have you to deal with, I'll be permanently peevish, cantankerous, argumentative and waspish!"

"Fuck!" said Sirius, staring at Remus and biting his lower lip suggestively. "You'll still be fucking sexy, with your eloquent gibberish…"

His voice trailed off, as he stared at Remus entranced.

If I still have you to deal with…

Never had he heard more beautiful words in his entire life.

"Bloody hell, Prongs! You could have warned us!" said Peter, looking all flustered, wiping the spilt drink off his trousers as he went to hug the couple.

"Potter and Evans are engaged!" Sirius turned to the students sitting around them, grinning manically.

Most of the students (with notable exceptions) began to clap enthusiastically, the entire Gryffindor table stood up, cheering and banging their cutlery off the table, making an unholy racket, and soon there was a standing ovation for the couple, now smiling sheepishly at the crowd, James bringing Lily closer to him and looking at her in adoration.

"Sweet Merlin," Sirius whispered conspiratorially. "Check out the death stares from Snivellus, Prongs! I have to pinch myself in case I've died, and this is heaven!"

James snorted loudly, glancing briefly at the Slytherin table. Snape's shocked and horrified face glared daggers at him. He looked away quickly. He didn't want to antagonise Snape and besides, he couldn't help feeling sorry for the entire student population of Hogwarts. She had agreed to marry him, of all people! Yes, he even felt sorry for his nemesis today.

"Congratulations, Miss. Evans and Mr. Potter!" said Mc Gonagall, who had walked in behind them.

She looked positively delighted, bringing Lily in for a motherly hug, remembering all the losses and trials of the past year that the couple had endured. James beamed at her and gave her a strong hug, partially lifting her off the ground. She couldn't find it in herself to scold him.

"Well done, Mr. Potter!" she said instead, her eyes overly bright, as James' hazel eyes shone. "I think you'll both be very happy. I couldn't approve more!"

It was Lily's turn to get emotional, swiping at her eyes as she laughed and squeezed Mc Gonagall's hand tightly. The Head of Gryffindor House was the nearest thing to a parent that she had.

"Thank you, for everything, Professor!" she said.

"Call me Minnie!" she whispered to Lily, and with an unmistakable wink she walked off towards the Professors' table.

"Lily!" Dorcas and Emmeline screamed excitedly, and she ran off towards them as they enveloped her in a group hug.

"Fucking mudblood, that's disgusting, somebody should put a stop to it, imagine thinking she's worthy of marrying one of us. Sickening!"

James turned, it was a Third Year Ravenclaw, Katherine Kinsfolk, talking to her friends, openly, like she knew they would hear and didn't care. She looked up and caught James' eye, challenging him to react. He felt overwhelming emotion, too much – a wave of anger, rage and impotence at whoever had fed this girl the kind of lies and prejudice that led to this.

"Leave it. Don't let her ruin this moment for Lily," Sirius' voice was surprisingly calm. "This is the sort of bullshit I used to react to all the time. It's what they want."

James looked at him, at Remus who looked ready to hurl the contents of the breakfast table at her, at Peter's stressed face. He nodded, hands still shaking, jaw clenched tightly.

"Twenty points from Ravenclaw, for being a bigoted bitch!"

It was Rosie Lupplin, looking at the Third Year with venom.

"I'm so sorry, James, I don't put up with this sort of behaviour. Everyone is entitled to the same respect, no matter what their blood status is. Purebloods are not better than the rest of us. We are all different, and we should respect our differences, celebrate them, rather than holding onto narrow-minded, hate-filled views," Rosie said.

"Thank you, Rosie," said James, smiling at Rosie, and feeling some of the weight on his chest lifting. "That means a lot."

"Detention with Filch for disrespecting the Head Girl, Kinsfolk, Saturday afternoon," James added, in a dismissive tone of voice, and walked off.

"But that's a Hogsmeade weekend!" said Kinsfolk, staring after him, looking flabbergasted.

"Should have thought of that before you opened your nasty little mouth, shouldn't you?" said Sirius, smiling widely.

"It'll be a double detention, Kinsfolk," said Remus. "You disrespected all muggleborn students."

"You can't give me detention, Lupin, you're only a Prefect!" said Kinsfolk, glaring at him condescendingly.

Remus' face shone with defiance.

"Try me!" he countered, staring down at her. "Accept the detention, or face the consequences of me telling Professor Mc Gonagall what you said!"

Remus looked calm, but you'd want to be thick as a brick not to see the fire brimming under the surface, Sirius thought. Remus was so sexy when he got worked up… especially when it involved standing up to pureblood bigots. He could think of nothing hotter…

Kinsfolk made a sour face, conceding defeat. Sirius grinned at her childishly, then jogged after Remus.

"Er, Moony, I think you forgot your Transfiguration homework in the dorm, Darling," he said.

"Did I?" said Remus, looking more annoyed. "Shit! I'm going to be late, I'll catch up with you."

"No rush, Moony, I'll accompany you," said Sirius smoothly, flashing Remus an innocent smile.

"Sure, thanks Pads," Remus smiled back warmly.

Remus was going to kill him when he realised it was all a ruse to get him alone in their dorm, but he could see it playing out to the end – a lecture, frowning displeasure (at being lied to), him looking irresistible as he loosened his tie, Remus looking exasperated and entertained, a lot of eye rolling, amusement despite himself, kissing… a lot of that sort of lark…

…

"All ready for the start of the NEWTs tomorrow?" asked Sirius, throwing his feet up on the desk in front of him and glancing at James' desk in disbelief. "I can't believe you took notes, Prongs! Who the hell takes notes?"

"Not me!" said James, grinning at Sirius and trying to find room on his desk to stick his elbow.

The topsy-turvy pile of books wobbled precariously, tipped over and landed on his inkwell, which flew into the air rather acrobatically, splashing both students enthusiastically before landing inside the mug of tea and destroying all his notes.

"Boys, can you keep it down? Pince will kick us all out," said Lily, kicking James in the shin and trying not to laugh. "I practically have half the Charms syllabus to study between now and Thursday morning!"

"Impressive!" said Sirius, flicking his wrist as the mess disappeared within seconds. "So you supplied Prongs with the notes, I take it?"

"Not these recent ones, these are all courtesy of one Peter Pettigrew, aka Wormtail, aka my new best friend!" said Lily, looking pleased with herself.

"Well, my entire set of Transfiguration notes for the past two years is made up entirely of the notes that Minnie owled me. You know, you were… otherwise engaged, in that cell thing-a-ma-jig. I think she felt sorry for us!" Sirius grinned.

"That only covered the few weeks we missed out on," Lily reminded him. "They were amazing though."

"They were, I nearly made Moony beg me for them. Usually it's the other way around, with me doing the begging, so I was enjoying the change of perspective," Sirius winked at them meaningfully.

"Moony is going to kill you one of these days!" James laughed out loud.

"Shush!" Lily said, playfully hitting James' arm with her elbow.

"Ah yes, but why would Minnie do that? I happen to know that she also covered the transfiguration of round objects during that time, but did she send me any notes about that topic? No!" said Sirius, crossing his arms and regarding them smugly. "I bet she's giving us a question on the transfiguration of liquids!"

"Excellent observation, Pads!" said James, looking immensely relieved. "I could kiss you!"

"I'd rather you didn't," said Sirius.

"Twat!" laughed James. "Make sure you tell Moony and Wormy about your theory!"

"Pince is coming, shut up!" hissed Lily, putting her head down.

….

"Have you decided on a date yet?" Sirius said to Lily, as they left the library together.

"Yes, just this morning, we wanted to have it as soon as possible, but James' parents are still recovering from their illness, so we decided to have it in August, to give them a chance to help out with the preparations," said Lily, smiling widely.

"August? August?" said Sirius, looking horrified. "But, but that's in two months!"

"We don't need more time, Sirius," laughed Lily, linking arms with him. "We don't want a big wedding, not with everything that's happened recently… as long as you guys are there with Monty and Mia, we're happy."

Lily's smile had a wistful quality and Sirius squeezed her arm. He didn't know how to tell her how sorry he was about her parents' death, and how her upcoming wedding might make this loss more acute. But he did know a thing or two about being estranged from family members.

"Fuck Petunia," he said, matter-of-factly.

"Yeah," said Lily, blowing at her side fringe. "I was going to ask her to be bridesmaid, just cause, well, she is my sister …"

Lily cleared her throat hurriedly.

"Point is, she said no, she's not coming at all, so that's probably for the best anyway…" Lily's voice trailed off.

"Fuck Petunia!" said Sirius. "She's a royal pain in the arse and you wouldn't be able to enjoy yourself with her hissing disapproval at everything, and especially at James, so just as well she's not coming."

"God almighty, what was I even thinking!" said Lily, staring at Sirius. "That would have been a total nightmare! Thank goodness she isn't coming!"

Sirius noted her eyes still looked sad and he patted her shoulder kindly.

"It'll be beautiful, wait till you see, just perfect," he said.

"D' you know, you're one hell of a brother-in-law, Sirius," said Lily, smiling at Sirius with pride. "I'm so lucky to have you."

Sirius beamed at her.

"Have you thought about a dress yet?" he said.

"Er, not exactly," she said, playing with the back of her earring. "I was thinking of getting something in a second hand shop, a nice dress, you can get really nice ones for-"

"Second hand?" said Sirius, looking appalled. "Why on earth would you do that?"

"Because…" said Lily, folding her arms.

"Lily Evans," said Sirius, folding his arms in turn. "Explain. Are you short of cash?"

Lily's chin shot up defensively.

"Lily," said Sirius. "I'll buy it for you, as a wedding present. Please. I've no idea what to get you two, Prongs is loaded, at least this would be something useful."

"I don't want you to buy it," Lily muttered.

"Did your parents not leave you…" Sirius' voice trailed off.

"They didn't have a will. I mean I should get half, I presume, but Petunia won't let me see any correspondence, I think she's trying to…" Lily's voice broke and she looked up and blinked rapidly.

"Fucking hell!" said Sirius, his eyes narrowing.

"It's alright," said Lily, taking a deep breath. "I won't need the money, she can keep it all, as far as I'm concerned. James and I spoke about it, and he agrees we should let her have everything. But Dad had just given me enough money to barely see me through this term and that's all I have. I owled her and explained that I'll pay her back, but she doesn't believe me…"

A single tear fell down her cheek.

"Sorry," she huffed, wiping it away quickly. "She was just so mean about James…"

"I can't believe you're marrying that awful boy. I hope you realise that if you do go ahead and marry him, I never want to see you again, so don't even consider coming to visit Vernon and me. I'll send you a present for your wedding, don't worry, so we'll be quits, seeing as you bought me one. I don't know what Mum and Dad ever saw in him. He should have asked me for your hand in marriage and I would have refused. I shall not be attending the wedding. He is the reason we are now estranged.

Petunia

"C'mere," said Sirius, enveloping Lily in a strong hug. "Don't mind the old cow! I'm buying your dress and that's final. I have exceptionally good taste, and I always manage to make my friends look dashing, when I'm given the chance. And how could I fail to make you look stunning, Evans, when you are exceptionally beautiful?"

Lily rolled her eyes and grinned at him, giving him a dig with her elbow.

"I am not!" she said, with a grateful smile. "I feel bad, Sirius-"

"Enough! It's decided. Once the exams are over, you and I are going shopping in muggle London for a dress!" said Sirius, looking delighted.

"You just want to hang out in muggle London!" laughed Lily.

"That too," he said. "I want to buy some muggle records, and some more muggle clothes, and well, don't tell, but I'm thinking of buying myself a motorbike."

"A motorbike, for you? Oh God, Sirius, that sounds lethal!" groaned Lily. "Is it wise?"

"Very extremely wise," said Sirius loftily, with a gleam in his eyes. "Exceptionally wise, as well as gorgeously sexy!"

Lily snorted and linked his arm again.

"Alright, it's a deal!" she said. "But I think Remus won't be impressed."

"Oh I don't know. When he sees me looking all bad boy, in my leathers, sitting astride my new motorbike, I don't think he'll mind all that much?" Sirius winked.

"Perhaps not," Lily grinned back.

…

"NEWTs tomorrow," said Peter, anxiously rubbing his hands together.

"Stop stating the fucking obvious, Wormy!" snapped Sirius.

He was sitting at his desk in their dorm, a sight rarely if ever seen before.

Remus looked up from his bed, where he sat against the headboard surrounded by a pile of books, and raised his brow silently.

"Sorry," Sirius muttered moodily, meeting Remus' eyes. "It's just that I have the entire Potions course to cover by tomorrow morning and I may have been overly optimistic in regard to what I could cover within that time frame."

Remus couldn't help the tiny smile that lit his face.

"I swear to Merlin, if you beat me in Potions on one night's study, I will personally end you!" he said.

"Kinky!" smirked Sirius.

Remus ignored him, looking back down.

"Where's Prongs disappeared to? He was only going down to the kitchens to grab a snack," said Peter. "He should be back by now?"

"Bloody Prongs," sighed Sirius, whisking the map out from under a stack of scrolls.

"Fuck!" he said, standing up suddenly,

"Pads?" said Remus, immediately alert.

On the Marauders' Map, Sirius could see the tiny footprints of one James Potter surrounded by a group of Seventh Year Slytherins that sent shivers down his spine.

"Kitchen corridor, now!" he ordered, his hand gripping the map tightly.

…

"All out past curfew? Looks like it's a choice between points deductions or detentions, depending on how you lot behave now," James said evenly, taking out his wand.

It was definitely planned, they had waited and ambushed him here, knowing he would be making the late-night trip down to the kitchens on his own. It was a habit he had gotten into since he had been locked up. He should have been more careful. Looking at their faces he knew, instinctively, what this was about. And it made him boil with rage. Wilkes, Carrow, Hornsby, Rowle, Blishwick, Shafiq, Burke, Mc Dougal, Crabbe… all purebloods, all bigoted bastards, every last one of them. All staring at him with hate in their eyes.

"Now fuck off, all of you, before I do something I'll regret," he spat out, unable to keep the fury out of his voice.

"Shut up, blood traitor!" said Carrow, taking a step towards him. "You asked for this."

"Piss off," scoffed James. "If you think you can intimidate me, you pathetic little fucking coward, you've another thing coming-"

Wilkes and Hornsby moved forwards.

"What the fuck do you want?" asked James, and the total absence of fear in his voice seemed to infuriate them further.

"We want you to call off your wedding to that mudblood," said Carrow, looking livid. "It's a betrayal of our community, your blood, your parents-"

"My parents are positively delighted, you scum!" growled James, advancing towards Carrow. "And don't you DARE call Lily Evans a mudblood, take it back!"

He was so angry he was shaking.

"Blood traitor!" hissed Carrow, now standing right in front of James.

"I said take it back," James' voice was so low they could barely hear him, but he looked like he was about to snap.

"Never! You will not marry a fucking mudblood cu-" said Carrow.

He never finished the sentence as James' fist collided heavily with his jaw, sending him flying backwards against Crabbe and Rowle.

The remaining students raised their wands, all pointed at him. He couldn't duel against nine of them at once.

"Expecto Patronum!" said James, a shimmering large stag bursting from the tip of his wand and cantering into the night, headed for Dumbledore's quarters.

Multiple spells hit him at once, his wand flying out towards Crabbe, rendered immobile by a spell from Burke, as Mc Dougal's curse hit his shoulder and he felt blood seeping through. Carrow stood up gingerly, wincing as he touched his jaw.

"Dumbledore will take ages to get here. This is a warning, Potter, you still have the chance of saving yourself," said Carrow. "But go through with marrying that little mudblood bitch, and we'll get you. She's a target anyway. All mudbloods will be dead, one at a time, we'll get them all. Once we leave here, your precious Professors won't be able to save her. We'll get her, and when we do get her, we'll make her pay, we'll kill her slowly, do you understand? We'll-"

"If any of you go near her, I swear I'll come after you, and you don't want to know what I'll do to you," James' voice was shaking wildly, whether due to rage or terror, he couldn't tell.

"Oh yes, we're terribly scared, Potter, as you can tell, one blood traitor taking on the might of Voldemort," laughed Carrow, his broad frame looming over James as he lay on the ground. "Do yourself a favour, Potter, consider your options and get away from Evans before it's too late. If not, there's nothing I'll enjoy more than finishing you off, personally, once and for all. You should have been in Azkaban by now, if your fucking dirty little girlfriend and your blood traitor friends hadn't interfered. Orion Black's plan was flawless."

"Evidently not," sneered James, regarding him with savage glee. "He just wasn't banking on an eighteen-year-old muggleborn having more intelligence than the lot of you put together. All that in-breeding rearing its ugly head, I expect. Bet he's sickened, that a muggleborn student was able to best him! Bet you were sickened too, after scheming to get him into the building, you devious little fucker!"

Carrow looked momentarily stunned, as well he might – Potter, lying on the ground surrounded by nine men and jeering at him, making him feel inferior.

"Shut up!" Carrow hissed, kicking James in the stomach viciously. "It was perfect, I let Orion in, everything went to plan, everything! If that First Year traitor hadn't interfered, you'd be surrounded by Dementors by now!"

"Big mistake, Carrow," groaned James, attempting to get up and collapsing back down. "You should really think before you start bragging about helping a convicted criminal in front of Albus Dumbledore."

Carrow's head shot up and he froze. Dumbledore stood a few feet away from them, hands clasped in front of him, holding his wand, a stern and disappointed look on his face.

"Yes, Mr. Carrow, I'm afraid I heard all that," said Dumbledore. "The Aurors are on their way as we speak."

He sounded weary, bone weary, James thought. Dumbledore looked at him and with wordless magic released him from the spell. James staggered to his feet, biting his lip, feeling light-headed.

"Are you alright, Mr. Potter?" asked Dumbledore.

"Perfectly fine, Sir," said James, staring at Carrow, still fuming.

"Everyone else, go to your rooms immediately, you will each lose fifty points from Slytherin, for starters. Any further incidents and you will be excluded from sitting your NEWT exams, and expelled forthwith," Dumbledore said, looking at the eight other students grimly.

They hesitated, and then left, one by one, heads down, looking disgusted.

"He's expelled, isn't he?" asked James, continuing to stare at Carrow.

"Yes, Mr. Potter," sighed Dumbledore, flicking his wrist, wordlessly removing Carrow's wand and rooting him to the spot.

"And he'll go on trial for-" James began.

"Yes, Mr. Potter, he will," Dumbledore cut him off.

"You didn't hear what he said about Lily!" James' voice was sharp, furious, and he was glaring at the old man. "Do something, for fuck's sake! Do something, Professor! They want to kill her, Voldemort's forces, all the muggleborn students are a target, Sir, and Denver Flint! You've got to do something. You can't just stand there and do nothing!"

"We are doing something, Potter," said Dumbledore, looking back at James calmly. "Everything we can. I expect you will too."

The Order.

"Too damned right, Sir!" James said.

It wasn't enough. He wanted to punch Carrow again, he was scared at what he wanted to do to him…

"I'm going to bed. I can't stand…" his voice wavered, bending down to pick up his wand, he gave Carrow one last look, pouring all his helpless rage into it.

"Good night, Potter," said Dumbledore.

Dumbledore sounded like he was glad to be rid of him. He turned away, cursing under his breath as he walked down the dark corridor, Carrow's words replaying in his head.

"We'll get her, and when we do get her, we'll make her pay, we'll kill her slowly, do you understand?"

"Bastards!" he said, punching the stone wall violently with his fist.

"Prongs! Are you alright!" Sirius' voice cut through the red fog.

James looked up, his knuckles bleeding and his left hand throbbing painfully.

"I'm - no," he said shortly. "I'm not fucking alright!"

He looked pale, his eyes wide, his nostrils flaring.

"James, what happened?" asked Remus, looking at him with concern, Peter biting his nails anxiously.

"Fucking bastards," James said through clenched teeth.

He met Sirius' gaze, Sirius looking at him fiercely, like he was preparing for a fight.

"Pads, I need to talk to you, alone!" he said brusquely.

He looked at Remus and Peter, an uncharacteristic look on his face. Intimidating. Forbidding.

"Fine, we'll go," said Remus, trying not to be too worried or offended by James' behaviour. "We'll be studying in the dorm, if you need us. You take the map, please."

James nodded curtly.

"Thanks," he said. "Appreciate it."

"Prongs?" Sirius said, as soon as the other two had left.

"Don't ask me what happened. If I think about it, I'll drive myself mad! Give me something to do, anything, I need to do something useful, or I swear to Merlin I'm going to explode!" James said, his voice ragged.

"Something BAMF you mean?" said Sirius, reading James correctly.

"Something fucking BAMF, against Voldemort's side, yes," said James, wincing as he tried to flex his fingers.

"I see," said Sirius. "Let me think."

This was why Sirius was his best friend, James thought, no questions asked, just immediate support when he needed it, like he knew how important this was to him.

Sirius paused.

"There was something, I just didn't want to bother you with it, seeing as you'd just gotten engaged," Sirius hesitated. "But it's against the bigoted bastards on our side."

"Tell me," James said.

So he did.

"Right," said James, who had silently listened to Sirius' account of Remus' visit to Register at the Ministry, looking more and more hostile. "Let's go."

Sirius raised his right eyebrow.

"To the Department*?" he said.

"To the Werewolf Department, to raze it to the ground," said James, jaw tight, as he stuck his wand in his pocket. "We should bring the brooms, and the cloak, just in case. Bound to be anti-apparition wards around it."

"You're really going to do this with me?" Sirius asked, looking at James hopefully. "I didn't dare hope that you'd-"

"Well then you're an idiot Pads," said James hotly. "How fucking dare they treat Remus, of all people, like that!"

"My thoughts entirely," grinned Sirius, following James down the corridor, his grey eyes flashing.

They were just about to enter the secret passageway at the statue of the hump-backed witch, leading into Honeyduke's cellar, when they heard someone clearing their throat loudly and froze.

"The explanation for this had better be creative, lads," said Lily, crossing her arms and looking alarmingly like Minerva Mc Ginagall.

"Er, well, as it happens," began Sirius, trying to remain suave and failing.

"You were leaving without telling me," Lily reminded them both, although she reserved her most daunting look for James.

"What the fucking hell are you doing wandering around the castle on your own?" said James, his tone of voice brusque.

"Excuse me?" Lily's face flushed immediately, her temper flaring.

"You shouldn't go anywhere alone, ever, you hear me? Are you completely insane?" James looked at her in agitation.

"Don't tell me what to do, Potter, or I swear to God I'll…" snapped Lily.

He looked so angry, he had never talked to her like this.

"Just because we're engaged does not give you the right to be rude!" she added.

She hated that her voice wavered.

"Er, well," said Sirius, his eyes darting from James to Lily.

"What's the hell is going on?" Lily demanded.

"It's complicated," said James, white faced.

"Try me, Potter, I have all night," Lily said.

"It's Remus. The bastards at the Ministry made him register and had him branded. There's talk of them rounding up all werewolves, indefinitely," said James.

"And?" said Lily, looking disgusted at the awful news.

"And, we're not letting it happen, damn it! All their records are burning tonight," James said.

"I see," said Lily. "You have thought this through, I take it?"

"Yes," began James. "Well, no, what do you mean?"

"So you have thought through the probability that if you manage to destroy the building, suspicion will inevitably fall on werewolves, and could lead to a wave of even more severe anti-werewolf legislation, let alone anti-werewolf sentiments among the public?" said Lily.

James and Sirius looked at each other and said nothing.

"As I suspected," Lily said. "The other option is that the government think it's Voldemort's forces, and identify werewolves as even more pro- Voldemort than they actually are, with similar consequences?"

"Fuck!" said James, running his hand through his hair. "What the fuck do we do?"

"We don't use magic," said Lily firmly. "Make it look like an accident. Everyone smokes in government buildings, don't they? Let's see where the cigarette ashes are, add in a lighted cigarette and think about adding in some petrol, that won't show up in any Auror investigation."

"Petrol?" said Sirius excitedly. "As in petrol for motorbikes and cars?"

"Yeah," said Lily. "I can buy some at a petrol station, but we'll have to find one that isn't closed, or nick some."

"I love petrol," grinned Sirius, looking at James. "I really do need to buy that motorbike, old chap! See how useful it would have been on this occasion? A life saver!"

"You're buying a motorbike and you didn't think to tell me?" said James, looking horrified.

"I mean, I was going to-" said Sirius.

"Oi! If this is happening tonight, we need to get a move on, boys! You two can continue your mindless swooning over machinery when we get back!" said Lily.

"Exams start tomorrow, Evans," said James, looking at Lily with a guilty expression. "Are you sure you-"

"Are you trying to imply you two can afford to take a few hours off, but I can't, Potter?" said Lily, with an icy tone.

"Merlin, no, not at-" said James, running his fingers through his hair.

"Good," said Lily, cutting him off. "Now get into that secret passageway before we're spotted by Filch!"

…

"I'm sorry, about earlier," said James, pulling his t-shirt over his head.

They had been silent since they had returned, walking up the long corridors, stepping around each other in Lily's room, glancing furtively at each other, until the silence stretched out too thin.

"Yeah?" Lily said.

James nodded.

"I didn't mean to be a prick," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you," said Lily, looking up at him, pausing as she slipped on her pyjamas. "What happened, James, earlier on? Your mood, the cut on your shoulder…"

He shook his head, jaw tight. She noted the way his eyes flashed briefly before he sighed.

"Some fuckers being fuckers," he said.

He sat down on the opposite side of the bed.

"Please, don't go anywhere on your own. Please. Promise me, Lily?"

She was still miffed, but she saw the residual tension, how anxious he seemed, the look in his eyes. It wasn't hard to guess why James might be worried about her, even if she didn't know the details, didn't want to know them. She hadn't told him, about the whispered disapproving remarks, the haughty sneers, the hissed poisonous throwaway comments. It was a minority of students, but she had still been surprised, stupidly naïve in her happiness. But she didn't care, and she knew he would, so she kept it from him. He was keeping things from her too.

She sighed.

"Alright, Potter, only because you asked nicely," she said, rolling her eyes fondly. "And because I love you. And because school is practically finished."

She saw his shoulders relax, the frown dissolve. He smiled at her warmly and climbed across the bed towards her.

"And mostly because shirtless James is my favourite James," Lily said, determined to make him feel better, running her hand down his chest.

"Oh yeah?" said James, with a cocky grin.

"Yeah," said Lily, a slow smile growing.

"Were you planning on getting more study done?" James said in a low voice.

"Doesn't look like it, does it?" Lily laughed, her pupils wide. "Were you?"

"At this moment in time? Not a chance!" he said, leaning forwards and kissing her hungrily.

She kissed him back.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in between kisses.

"I'm sorry too," she said. "Let's forget about them."

She was trying to forget her conversation with Snape earlier that evening…

…

"Lily!"

His voice jumped out at her from behind the tapestry in the darkened corridor.

"Merlin, you nearly gave me a heart attack, Severus!" said Lily, putting her wand down slowly. "What do you want?"

She had been expecting this, as soon as the school knew she was engaged to James, she knew Snape would confront her.

"What do you want, Snape?"

The question seemed to catch him off guard. He continued gazing at her, as though trying to answer the question himself, his dark eyes burning fiercely, the fires from the torches on the wall reflected in his irises.

A shiver went through her.

"What do you want from me?" she repeated, trying to keep her voice steady.

You, Lily, it's always been you. It will always be you. I'm in love with you. I need you. I've never loved anyone else. I never will. You've got to want me too.

She didn't know how she knew what he was thinking, didn't know was this magic, related in some way to mind-reading, or merely intuition. She shivered violently, wrapping her arms around herself, wand still pointed shakily at Severus. Her ex-best friend. How had she ever liked him? How had she been so blind? Had he been a good person, all those years ago? She couldn't tell, couldn't trust herself. All those years…

"Do you remember when we used to turn the weedy grass in front of the playground into a wildflower meadow? Wandless magic, before we started school?" she whispered.

He nodded, looking surprised.

"And the time we painted Mrs. Lonergan's doors and windows using the charmed paint because she couldn't afford to?" Lily said. "It still looks wonderful, even after six years. Good as new."

He looked awkward then, wincing slightly.

"It embarrasses you, admitting to this now," said Lily, with a catch in her voice. "You pretended you were interested in her, but you were only doing it to please me, weren't you?"

His silence confirmed it.

"I thought you were kind, Severus. I stupidly thought… do you know how attractive kindness is? For a short while I was so in awe of all your magical knowledge and I thought you were kind…" she stopped.

I could maybe even have grown to love you as more than a friend, she thought, if you hadn't fallen in love with Dark Magic. But she wasn't going to let him know that now.

"My friends, you must see, Lily," said Severus desperately, stepping closer to her. "I couldn't be seen to…"

"Tell me Severus, how could we be friends now? Now you are a Death Eater, and have vowed to kill people like me? That's what your friends do, torture and kill muggles. You want me to like you, to love you even. How, Severus? How do you propose to manage that?"

He couldn't answer her. His eyes flashed from side to side, trying to think of a reply.

"Ugh! God, Severus!" said Lily, holding her head in her hands. "What were you thinking! How did you get involved in this madness?"

"I didn't have you," he whispered. "I lost my way without you."

Lily's eyes brimmed over with tears and she shook her head.

"Don't," she said. "Don't you dare try to blame it on me! You had lost your way when I was still your friend! You've been making friends with Nazi wizards since we were in Second Year. I was your best friend Severus, and you stood and watched when they attacked Mary and you did nothing! Nothing! God! I hate that I was blind to it all for so long! Tell me you're not a Death Eater! Please, Sev, are you?"

He gulped, his dark eyes looked haunted for a moment, and she felt revulsion and pity for him. Pity. For this man who had tried to ruin James. What was wrong with her? She hated herself for it. She hated that it hurt so much to know the full truth. Tears ran down her face.

"Lily, I can explain, it's to keep you," he started, moving to stand right in front of her.

"Sev, don't!" she whispered. "Don't lie to me!"

She might kill him, when she joined the Order in a few weeks. She might kill him if they fought, she wouldn't be able to recognise him, in his hideous mask. She didn't want to kill him, despite everything. She hated him, and she felt sorry for him.

"Lily!" he grabbed hold of her arm, and she jerked back immediately.

"Don't!" she said hoarsely.

He backed away then, reluctantly. She turned to leave.

"Lily!" he called out, his voice hard now. "Don't you dare marry Potter!"

"I will marry him, and no threats from you or any other fucking bigot is going to stop me!"

…..

"I may have accidentally been somewhat, er, biased, in my choice of exam questions," said Slughorn, looking at Mc Gonagall over his spectacles as he sipped his tea.

"Oh?" she looked back as him sternly.

"Er, yes, well, I happen to know that those Marauder chaps and Lily Evans are all a deft hand at preparing Healing Potions," said Slughorn, squirming in his seat.

"And?"

"Er, and, I may have subconsciously arranged it so that half of the entire exam focuses on this area," he spluttered.

"I see," Minerva regarded him coolly, setting down her cup and saucer. "Very important skill, Horace, especially with the war raging outside of Hogwarts."

"Quite," said Slughorn hurriedly. "Damned important, Healing Potions, what?"

Minerva nodded curtly.

"And I believe that the History of Magic exam is focusing on anti-werewolf legislation through the years," Slughorn added.

"Oh," Minerva sniffed.

"Thing is, Minerva, Binns is rather fond of Mr. Lupin, felt a bit sorry for him, what with all the stress that lot were under, and you know, his career prospects, or lack thereof," said Slughorn, biting into a dainty cucumber sandwich.

"I see," said Minerva, pursing her lips. "Well, he is a very likable young man."

"Oh yes, thoroughly decent chap," agreed Horace, nodding vigorously. "A very decent bunch, all of them, especially Miss. Evans."

Minerva allowed herself a quick smile.

"Miss. Evans is exceptionally nice, yes," she said.

"I don't suppose you were tempted to-" began Slughorn.

"To what, Horace?"

"Er, nothing, my dear, of course you weren't. Nothing at all," he babbled, fixing his bowtie nervously.

Minerva thought about the exam paper she had set for the NEWTs, mostly focusing on the Transfiguration of liquids, her eyes twinkling as she silently sipped her tea.

…..

It was the final day of school for the Seventh Years. The entire student body was gathered in the great hall, the professors sitting on one side and the parents sitting on the opposite one, beaming with pride. James spotted his parents and waved frantically back at them. He gripped Lily's hand and squeezed it reassuringly, knowing she felt the loss of her parents and her disappointment at Petunia's absence. Sirius' mother was conspicuous in her absence, thank Merlin. Remus was smiling happily at his own parents, who looked awestruck. He ducked his head with embarrassment. He still couldn't believe how well he had done in his exams. Dumbledore was finishing his speech now, talking about how the future was in their hands, and it scared him a little.

"And so, without further ado, I shall pass you over to the Head Pupils, who will say the final words to you on this happy day!" said Dumbledore, smiling at Lily and James and beckoning them towards the stage with a round of applause.

"It's my privilege to stand before you today, as Head Boy, and say a few words before we part. I still have no idea what possessed Professor Dumbledore to appoint me as Head Boy, I think somebody must have slipped him a confunding elixir that day," James said, turning to grin at his Headmaster, as his classmates snorted with laughter. "I've tried my best to do a good job and not let him down, although if it wasn't for our wonderful Head Girl Lily Evans, I would have been completely fu- dead!"

More laughter and a few cries of "damned right!" from Lily's friends.

"I couldn't have wished for a happier ending to our school year. Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup, again, and though I can hardly claim much of a role in this victory, seeing as I missed the final, I'm immensely proud of our wonderful team!"

The Gryffindor students roared in approval.

"More importantly, my beautiful, talented, gorgeous girlfriend agreed to marry me a few days ago, and I can't help but think that a confunding elixir may have been involved there too!"

He turned and smiled at Lily amidst the clapping, a radiant, joyful, confident smile, any little doubts about her total commitment to their relationship having disappeared the moment she said yes to him. She shook her head and grinned back at him, green eyes dancing.

"I have made friends here that I know I will keep for the rest of my life. I consider them family. I have learnt a lot during my years in Hogwarts, from my friends, my teachers and those classmates who might consider themselves my enemies. To the younger students here today, and to our class, I have this to say: we are all flawed. Learn from your mistakes. Don't be too proud to admit when you are wrong. Ask for forgiveness when you know it's the right thing to do. Forgive your friends for their mistakes, but don't blind yourself to those who don't have your best interests at heart, and walk away from them. Do the right thing, even if it costs you. Stand up for the rights of your fellow students, don't let bigots poison your mind. You may be tempted to think what can I do, a mere teenager? I thought that too. But every time you refuse to bow down to terror and division, you are fighting for the future of our world, the world we all belong to – muggleborn, half-bloods and purebloods. If we stand together as one, future generations will be able to enjoy the fruits of that peace, when perhaps these distinctions based on blood will have disappeared, and nobody will use blood terms to describe witches and wizards any longer. I look forward to a time when nobody remembers what the Sacred Twenty-Eight refers to, and all that matters is that you are simply a witch or a wizard, and deserve to be here."

Lily squeezed his hand, expressing her support and love and recognising what he was referring to in his speech. The applause was less wholehearted now from certain sections of the room, and especially from some of the parents, who looked frankly disgusted. James looked over at Sirius and inclined his head slightly, a warmth spreading in his chest at the look of surprise and gratitude on his brother's face. He had learnt a lot from all his friends. Remus and Peter knew he was referring to them too and smiled back. He stepped back from the podium slightly and Lily cleared her throat, still holding his hand.

"Thank you, we need more James Potters in our world," she said, turning to smile at him.

"Here, here!" shouted Sirius from the student gallery, as Peter shushed him, mortified. "Outstanding speech!"

Lily laughed heartily and turned back to the audience.

"Professor Dumbledore and James have already spoken very eloquently, so I won't add much more, except to pass on one important thing I have learned. Fight your prejudices. We all come from different backgrounds. We all entered Hogwarts with our own prejudices, some of which we may not yet be fully aware of. I certainly wasn't. Try to have an open mind. Try to see the good in others. Sometimes you will feel hurt and betrayed. That is not a reason to let yourself be overcome with bitterness. Because at other times you will be surprised by how astonishingly you underestimated your classmates, and what wonderful people they will grow into. I want to leave you with these words from three muggle authors, very relevant to the world we are entering. I know many of you are anxious about the future. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us". Don't forget that, all of you, you have so much to contribute. Edmund Burke wrote that "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." It applies to us all. I have never believed this more than I do now. Doing nothing is not an option. I wish we had been born into happier, carefree years, that this war was not happening in our time. Another muggle writer, Tolkien, who had personally fought in the First World War wrote about this and said - "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us". There is still time, for all of us, to do the right thing."

She was looking straight at Severus Snape as she ended her speech, her clear eyes devoid of anger. He blinked and looked away, feeling ill. Did she really think he still had a choice, with the Dark Mark burnt into his forearm? He looked back up at her, but she was now looking at someone else, before beaming at her friends, as most of the people in the room rose to give them a standing ovation. The students near him scowled and jeered at the happy couple, the roar of applause drowning their displeasure. Severus nodded and made non-committal sounds, feeling rattled, lonely and on edge.

Was he ever going to see her again, talk to her again, touch her again, after today?

Regulus Black, the other person who Lily had directed part of her speech to, sat silently, deep in thought. He felt sad and worried at his brother's departure. Anther change, a bad one. Would they ever see each other again? He had thought someone was observing him last night as he played the pianoforte, as he often did. But this time a large book lay beside the door, with a note addressed to him.

Dear Reg,

Even though he doesn't say it, I know that Sirius misses you very much, dreads being parted from you and wants you to take great care. You know how to contact us if you ever need us, James said your Lion Patronus** is awesome and he's insanely jealous. I hope you enjoy this book, I think you will. James and Sirius skipped the introduction and the poetry, I disagree. If anyone aside from you tries to read it, the pages will immediately transform into a very dry tome on Ancient Runes.

"You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin – to the bitter end."

Remus

He had never heard of it, "The Lord of the Rings", there was a wizard on the cover, in grey robes, striding forwards in the rain, with a large stick. He had started reading and found he couldn't stop. He had stayed up half the night. He really wanted to thank Remus. Every time he picked up the heavy book and placed it on his lap, he felt grounded. Like he had a part of Sirius with him.

…..

"Just so you know, I just asked Penny Maverley out, figured I had nothing to lose on our last day," said Peter to his friends, as they walked outside to take some photographs.

He looked unusually smug.

"You what? Without telling us?" said James, staring open-mouthed at his friend. "WITHOUT TELLING US?"

"And?" yelled Sirius, grabbing Peter's shoulders and shaking him excitedly. "What did she say?"

"She said yes, obviously?" said Remus, grinning broadly at Peter.

Peter nodded, puffing up his chest.

"Bloody hell, Wormy! Brilliant news, mate! Brilliant!" said James grabbing hold of him and practically tackling him to the ground along with Sirius, as Peter squealed.

"About fucking time!" shouted Sirius. "I can stop lobbing those awful sticking charms your way!"

"Excellent, Wormy, you dark horse!" said Remus, catching Peter's eye and laughing at his friends' antics.

Peter looked back, looking positively glowing and gave him the thumbs up.

"Alright, everyone cram into the photo, girls grab your hats!" said Dearborn, grinning at the over-excited students. "Three, two, one, jump!"

He caught the moment perfectly – Lily and James holding hands as they screamed and jumped skywards, Lily's hat flying up into the air, you could practically see them making heart eyes at each other. Sirius' arms spread out wide, mid-air, as his head bent backwards to laugh, all the while holding Remus' gaze. Remus would come back to this photo time and time again in years to come, the look of mischief and adoration on Sirius' face and his own warm, unguarded, equally smitten look. Peter's relaxed, excited face as he caught Jenny Maverley's hat and got a kiss on the cheek from her. Dorcas and Emmeline yelling as they competed to see which of them had thrown their witch's hat the highest. Rosie and Benjy, looking slightly self-conscious, but thrilled.

"You're coming to live with me, Moony!" Sirius called gleefully, catching Emmeline's hat and throwing it at Remus.

"Merlin, what have I done?" laughed Remus, deftly avoiding the hat and rolling his eyes in mock- horror as Sirius ran over to him and embraced him.

"You've just made the best decision of your life, Moony!" grinned Sirius, winking at his boyfriend seductively. "Prongs is engaged, Wormy has a girlfriend, you've agreed to put up with me for the foreseeable future, we're all going to be living together. What could possibly go wrong?"

He was standing so close to Remus, his grey eyes startlingly clear, the bright sunshine reflecting on his high cheekbones and silky dark hair, slightly breathless, smiling and carefree and impossibly gorgeous. Remus felt a rare, unexpected surge of optimism. Perhaps it was the warmth of the afternoon sun, or the warmth of Sirius' body, or his friends' words, or the fact he had come first in History of Magic and Arithmancy, or that James, Lily and Sirius had topped the class. Or the look of pride and joy on his parents' faces. Or everything rolled into one.

"You've always been my best decision," he said quietly, pulling Sirius in for a sweet kiss.

Sirius looked at him in surprise as they pulled apart, fingers playing with Remus' shirt collar.

"Wow!" said Sirius, smiling at Remus and biting his lower lip.

"No witty retort, Pads?" said Remus, smiling back, and bringing their foreheads together.

"None whatsoever," said Sirius, huffing a soft laugh.

"Come along chaps!" called James, his arm slung over Lily's shoulder.

He gave his future wife a joyful kiss and she smiled back, savouring the last time she would get to see him in his school uniform, committing the image to memory. Sirius linked arms with James and Remus, Peter running to join them as he waved goofily to Penny.

"To dear old Uncle Alphard's flat!" said James grandly. "The Marauders need fear detentions no more, Filch is but a distant memory, and Wormy has the bird… need I say more? The future awaits!"

"The future!" they all called out as one.

What could possibly go wrong?

Notes:

*Ministry - In the WCBH universe, The Werewolf Registry & Werewolf Capture Unit of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures was originally based in a ramshackle building in Pall Mall. After it burnt down "accidentally" in 1978, it was incorporated into the main Ministry building, but eventually closed down.

** Reg having a lion Patronus is a headcanon I've seen quite a bit and I love the idea!

 **Hey I hope you all enjoyed it! Thanks so much to anyone who left comments, I'm so grateful!**

 **Anything you specifically want me to try to include in the future? Or that you really liked? Or didn't like? Send a comment/message. If you are a guest, you just click on the comment box, and it gives you a space to write a username (anything, say guest if you like) and a bigger space to write a comment. None of your details are released to me, your comment shows up and I can respond via the website and only you will receive that comment! None of my details go to you either! It's great and I love feedback xoxo**


	37. Vows

Chapter 37: Vows

"You're escorting me to my wedding in that?" Lily said, hands on her hips as she looked at Sirius with a raised eyebrow.

"Merlin, you look fabulous, Lily, despite insisting on buying a second-hand dress!" Sirius beamed at her.

"Second-hand designer dress, Sirius! I could never have afforded it!" laughed Lily. "It's exactly what I wanted! We both know I looked like a half-baked meringue in some of the other dresses."

"The tight-fitting fishtail dress was stunning too," Sirius shrugged. "And I wanted it to be the most alluring and expensive thing they had!"

"Sirius, I want to wear something that I'll be able to dance in, properly, and that thing was the exact opposite. Too tight and too long!" said Lily.

She grinned broadly and twirled around a few times as though to prove her point.

"I still think it's ridiculous," he said, folding his arms resignedly. "At least I bought you that exquisite and dashed expensive pair of sandals!"

"The sandals are stunning, Sirius! They cost more than the dress!" Lily hugged him fiercely. "I adore them, and I'm going to wear them every chance I get! Such a great idea!"

Sirius hugged her back, feeling reassured - he wanted the day to be perfect, in every way. And besides, old wasn't necessarily bad…

"So, we're going to arrive on this machine, yeah?" Lily repeated, eyeing the motorbike sceptically.

"Definitely!" he grinned. "Prongs will lose his shit when he sees you arriving on this beauty!"

They both looked at Sirius' motorbike, resplendent in all its glory. It was a black 1960 Royal Enfield Bullet. Sirius caressed the handlebar. He had slaved over this bike, bought it second-hand after graduation, in desperate need of love and care. It wasn't as badass as some other bikes, but for some reason he had fallen desperately in love with it.

 _…._

 _"These aren't the bikes you're looking for, Mr. Black," said the dapper young man smoothly, motioning instead towards a row of brand-new motorbikes, with shining paintwork and flawless, polished metal._

 _Sirius' eyes kept shifting back to the first bike he had spotted in the dusty corner of the shop, the one that had caught his eye the moment he had stepped into the place. He knew what he wanted, and it wasn't one of these infernally perfect machines._

 _"I'd like to take a look at that Royal Enfield, please," said Sirius._

 _Lily smiled to herself. She had never seen Sirius use such a polite and formal tone of voice. Getting the right bike obviously meant a lot to him. The downside of this attitude was, however, that Sirius managed to come across sounding like a posh, clueless, upper class young man, rolling in money. The salesman clearly thought he was onto a winner._

 _"Oh, you'll excuse me Sir if I advise against purchasing that particular bike," he said hurriedly, walking towards the flashiest part of the shop. "It's rather old, falling apart at this stage, not worth spending money on. I think you'll find it makes for a very disappointing ride?"_

 _Sirius eyes flashed and his jaw tightened, but he remained calm._

 _"All the same, I'd like to-" Sirius started._

 _"Frankly, Sir, I think-" began the salesman._

 _"You don't actually own a motorbike yourself, do you?" interrupted Lily, smiling at him._

 _"I… what?"_

 _"You don't ride motorcycles, you use a car," Lily insisted, regarding him astutely. "You just sell them. Your father owns the shop, does he?"_

 _The young man stared at her dumbfounded, pulling nervously at his large moustache. Before he had the chance to answer Lily, an older employee stepped forwards – he looked cranky and hard, with a scraggly beard._

 _"That's right, his Dad is the owner, love, and frankly he's a bit of a Bengal Lancer," he said to Lily, eying the owner's son with contempt. "Your mate looks like he's got plenty of bees and honey in the rattle and clank, but he's not going for the flashy piece o' work, I like that*. Classy bike, that one, will cost you though, to get it sorted?"_

 _He was looking at Sirius curiously, still somewhat sceptical._

 _"I'm happy to fix it myself," said Sirius, flashing him a charming smile._

 _"Oh, that's alright then, I'll leave you to fix it all on your own," the man deadpanned. "Have you ever even seen a proper toolbox?"_

 _"Er, no, but I want one. I just need a few lessons. Tips. I'm a fast learner."_

 _The older man continued staring at him impassively._

 _"Fair enough, but I want to get paid. After work, evenings from six to eight, couple of sessions should give you a basic understanding, if you really are as clever as you say."_

 _"I am," grinned Sirius, putting out his hand enthusiastically._

 _The man shook it reluctantly, but his eyes were warmer. Sirius pulled a rolled-up wad of muggle cash from his back pocket._

 _"I want the best toolbox available to humanity, I want it here, and I want it now!" he said, beaming at the owner's son enthusiastically. "Oh, and I'll take the bike too, thanks old chap!"_

 _"How did you know the wanker wasn't a biker?" Sirius whispered to Lily as they left, Sirius finally tearing himself away from the bike. He was due to return the next evening._

 _"His trousers, his hands? No hint of any motorcycle oil anywhere. His badge ID said Gregson," she pointed to the name above the shop. "He didn't seem genuine in his enthusiasm about the bikes. And he was holding car keys with a Mercedes logo. I guessed."_

 _"Fucking hell, Evans," said Sirius, shaking his head. "You're unreal."_

 _Lily grinned back. She was looking at the very heavy and exceedingly expensive toolbox that Sirius had insisted on lugging with him._

 _"I'm going to work really hard to learn as much as possible in three lessons; I can't put this chap at risk from any Death-Eater attack. If any of them see us here, they'll become targets automatically," said Sirius, looking around him suspiciously._

 _"Good point. What are you planning on doing with that box when we get home?" Lily said._

 _"Taking out all the tools and drooling over them, obviously," snorted Sirius, eying the box with an infatuated gaze. "What kind of a daft question is that, Evans?"_

 _"Remus is going to end up jealous of that toolbox," laughed Lily, linking his arm._

 _"I look forward to seeing his attempts to divert my attention!" Sirius said with a smug grin._

 _Remus had seemed quite pleased when he saw the motorbike. He had said to Sirius that the bike was too old, and that he must be in the habit of falling in love with broken, flawed and dangerous things, which had majorly pissed him off, and led to a blazing row. The bike actually reminded him of himself (not Remus, who was a god in his eyes) – a reject, unwanted by his family. He was determined to make it as good as new. Or better. A few… minor… adjustments, and it was now both roadworthy and sky-worthy. James and he had taken it for a heart-stopping ride and nearly gotten themselves kicked out of the Order a few weeks ago._

 _It had been well worth it._

 _….._

 _"It's bloody stunning, Lily, nothing is going to beat you arriving on this!" Sirius continued, still staring at the bike._

 _"Oh alright," she said, rolling her eyes as she threw Emmeline's ivory shawl over her shoulders. "I can't believe I'm let you talk me into this! If I arrive looking like a bird's nest, I'm holding you personally responsible!"_

 _Sirius couldn't help thinking she had agreed rather quickly for someone supposedly opposed to the idea._

 _"Damn it, I love you, Evans!" said Sirius, coming over to give her another quick hug. "I can't believe you agreed!"_

 _"Neither can I!" muttered Lily to herself as she lifted up her dress and threw her leg over the back of the motorbike, arms wrapped around Sirius' waist._

 _"Hold on tight!" Sirius said._

 _She grinned back and made a thumbs up sign._

 _Sirius kicked the side of the motorbike and the engine roared into life. He threw his hair back into a low ponytail and put on his aviator sunglasses, giving himself a quick once-over in the side mirror._

 _"I thought you were scared of heights?" he shouted over the roar of the engine._

 _"I am," Lily yelled back. "But airplanes and flying motorbikes are less scary than brooms! Although less reliable too, probably? Fuck it, Sirius, let's go, before I change my mind!"_

 _"Gryffindor!" Sirius shouted again, grinning to himself._

….

"Is that… it can't be! Do you think it's them?" James squinted at the sky, his voice a mixture of disbelief and excitement.

"Oh Merlin, it is!"

Remus' tone was instead aiming for a mixture of disbelief and resignation.

"That's fucking beautiful, Moony!" James whistled, gripping his shoulder with excitement.

Remus shook his head slightly, trying to convey his displeasure, while simultaneously humming in agreement with James.

James glanced over at Remus with a smug grin.

"You think he's fucking cool, don't lie!"

"I think he's fucking mad…" Remus muttered, shading his eyes against the slanting rays of the late afternoon sun, a smile hovering on his lips.

"It's a hella dramatic and totally Sirius entrance, that's for sure!" chuckled Peter, checking his cufflinks again and grinning up at Remus. "I'm surprised Lily agreed to it!"

"I'm not, she never fails to surprise me, in the best possible ways!" James laughed, his eyes shining with adoration.

"This is it, Prongs," said Remus steadily, as he continued staring at the ever-enlarging spot in the clouds, now visibly a black centre with a white tail.

"Yes, yes it is, Moony," James replied, biting his lower lip with anticipation.

"Here, turn around," said Peter, grabbing hold of James' lapels. "Seeing as Pads isn't here to check on you!"

James turned around grinning at Peter, as the fair-haired boy fixed his maroon cravat.

"You look good," Peter smiled.

"You look gorgeous, James, simply gorgeous," Mia's voice made James turn around as he took in his exuberant mother. "Those muggle wedding suits look stunning on you boys!"

Remus smiled awkwardly. He did look smashing in his brand-new suit, which Sirius had insisted on buying for the three of them, as well as James. The pale grey, expensive weave and the crisp white shirt with the rich, dull gold of the cravats. It made the strands of gold in his light brown hair stand out. The colour looked perfect on Peter too, bringing out the sky blue of his irises. James' suit was of a darker hue, his favourite charcoal grey colour, the warmth of his maroon and gold cravat perfectly complimenting his caramel skin tones and the gold flecks in his eyes. His black hair was as messy as ever, as he ran a hand through it now, beaming at his mother proudly.

"Don't say anything, James, or you'll make me cry," Mia said, clearing her throat and patting James' shoulders, her eyes already filling up. "I love you very much, dear."

James rolled his eyes, but his gaze was filled with tenderness as he stooped to kiss his mother's cheek.

"I love you too, very much, as you already know!" he said, pushing his glasses back up.

Mia laughed and huffed a small sigh.

"You better get ready," she motioned towards the gathered crowd, all looking at the sky with increasing interest.

The roar of the motorbike deepened amid loud gasps, as Sirius swerved skillfully and skidded to a halt right in front of the guests, the fumes from the brakes obscuring Lily from sight. With a debonair smile, he flung off his sunglasses, shook his hair free and jumped off, muttering a Parare** spell over himself and over Lily, holding out his arm gallantly. Lily hopped off, wearing a massive grin and holding onto her veil.

As the billowing smoke dissipated and she stepped into view, James' heart swelled. She was here, she was marrying him, and she looked divine. Her hair was braided in a dutch plait that wound its way around her head, threaded with tiny blue cornflowers, and loose down her back. The dress looked perfect, not long enough to touch the ground, he could see her feet peeking out in simple silver sandals. It had an empire line top in soft silk, with cap chiffon sleeves and then the skirt flowed simply with a chiffon overlay. The tulle veil was pinned high at the back of her head. Golden rays of sunlight played on her auburn waves, the evening light gave her eyes a jade green hue, sparkling joyfully like the shimmering spangles on the lake. But it was her radiant smile that took his breath away - she looked so bloody happy, walking towards him now, beaming back at her two bridesmaids, Dorcas and Emmeline, both flushed with excitement and looking spectacular in identical aqua blue dresses, having somehow managed to find a shade that complemented both Emmeline's pale skin and fair hair and Dorcas' black hair and strikingly beautiful bronze skin tone. Lily was beaming again, this time at Sirius as they walked up the aisle together, at Minnie and Horace (both hurriedly brushing a few tears away), at Hagrid (blowing his nose noisily into a dainty handkerchief), at the Order members who had volunteered to provide protection for the day. At her future parents-in-law, both of whom seemed unable to stop grinning from ear to ear for the entire day. And then at James himself, the largest smile, her face alight with happiness.

"Alright, Evans?" he whispered, grinning at her, holding out his hand.

She took in his dazzling smile, his dimple, his sun-kissed cheekbones, the way his hazel eyes stared at her in complete besotted delight.

"Never better, Potter," she grinned back, squeezing his hand tightly.

They both shared a fond look with Sirius, smiling proudly at them, straight backed with impeccably polished elegance, despite his rebellious entrance.

Everything about the ceremony was perfect, Remus could feel Lily's touch in the simple string quartet, he felt strangely at ease playing a solo piece on the violin for the first time ever in front of an audience, first Air on the G string by Bach and later What a Wonderful World By Louis Armstrong as Peter sang, a surprise gift for them. The vows were beautiful in their simplicity.

"James, best friend and soulmate, one true love, I offer you all my love, my strength, my weaknesses, my loyalty, my honour, and I promise to cherish you and cherish our time together, as long as we both shall live," Lily said softly, looking up into James' eyes with deep joy.

"Lily, best friend and soulmate, one true love, you know too well my many weaknesses as well as my strength, I offer you my all, every last part of me. I promise to stand by you, love, cherish and protect you until the very end," James' low voice filled with emotion as he slipped on her wedding ring.

Remus felt Sirius take his hand, and he knew exactly what Sirius was thinking, what he was wishing. Maybe someday, he told himself, smiling at the impetuous, beautiful, dark haired man beside him. He lifted Sirius' hand and kissed it gently as he leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"Someday."

He watched as Sirius' eyes widened, a rush of feeling as his Adam's apple moved up and down, his clear eyes molten. He nodded his head, unable to speak and Remus held his hand tightly, unwilling to let go. A perfect moment of understanding. They turned back just as James bent down and kissed his bride, a long, slow kiss that only deepened as friends and family clapped and cheered at the sight of such happiness. Such strength in Sirius' clapping, such elation in Remus' voice. Sirius turned to Mia and Monty Potter, standing on his left and spontaneously hugged them both, still unable to speak for the sheer joy of it all.

"Darling Sirius," Mia said, wiping away happy tears, and touching his face with her kind hands. "May we be blessed by seeing you just as happy with your own Remus!"

A soft blush crept onto his cheeks and he opened his mouth and closed it again.

"I need another day out to look forward to, Remus!" Monty leaned across Sirius and winked at Remus in an exaggerated manner. "And Sirius is perfect for you, Remus, just as you are perfect for him! I don't get invited to many weddings at my age, and I like the excuse to party!"

Mia clicked her tongue and nudged him, muttering "Stop embarrassing the poor boys, Monty!" while chuckling mischievously.

Sirius rolled his eyes and muttered a cringed "Dad!" but he couldn't have described how wonderful it felt to know he was loved so completely, so unconditionally, so undeservedly by the Potters. Remus cleared his throat and seemed to be struggling to think of a reply, but Monty had flashed him another wink, and was now whisper-shouting to his wife, on a giddy high.

"Sweet Merlin, Monty is the spitting image of James! I could bet you a year's worth of chocolate that Prongs says something similarly cringe-worthy to us later on!" Sirius laughed, pressing himself to Remus' side.

"Bet Monty's a complete Dad dancer!" Peter laughed, joining in the conversation outside as the newly-weds posed for photographs.

"Bet he is too!" said Sirius, grinning at him and raising his eyebrows as he watched Penny drape her arm over Peter's shoulder and peck his cheek. "By the way, old chap, I'm counting on you two joining us on the dance floor or else I'm going to throw a few well-aimed permanent sticking charms your way, Wormy, which won't bode well for any attempts at nooky later on tonight!"

"Oh my Merlin!" said Peter, turning crimson red and spluttering with deep embarrassment. "Leave us alone, you total dipshit! And stop calling me Wormy in front of Penny!"

"And you think Prongs and Monty are embarrassing?" Remus commented to Sirius drily, much to Penny's amusement.

Peter dragged Penny off, who was laughing and giggling "why do they call you Wormy?" and grabbed two glasses of champagne, polishing one off in one go.

"Penny, why do I have the worst mates ever?" he groaned self-consciously.

"You know you love them though!" she laughed, knocking back the glass enthusiastically. "And stop trying to change the subject! Where does Wormy come from?"

"I'm going to kill him!" muttered Peter, desperately scanning the crowd, trying to think of something. "Oh look! Dinner is served!"

They had kept the event small and simple, but the Potters had gone to town on the food and drink, even Slughorn couldn't recall a better Wedding dinner. The slanting shadows of Hogwarts' Castle stretched out across the field towards the wedding party, the air was filled with laughter as James and Lily cut the cake (a chocolate biscuit cake that Remus fell in love with).

"It is customary for the Father of the Bride to make a speech at this point, and I asked Lily if I could make one instead, which she very kindly agreed to," Monty said, standing up and smiling down at Lily. "I cannot tell you how delighted Mia and I both were when James told us about their engagement. I know I'm dreadfully biased, but by Merlin I can't think of a couple more suited to each other!"

"You and mum?" called out Sirius.

"Well yes, obviously, very close thing!" Monty chuckled, glancing over at Mia in delight. "I mean, dash it all, I don't know what we Potter men have done to deserve such splendid women in our lives, eh?"

"We got lucky!" James laughed, his eyes flitting from his mother to his wife in complete adoration.

"Very lucky, young man!" said Mia, trying to remain serious as everyone laughed.

"As you all know, Mia and I were blessed with a wonderfully active little boy, active imagination and active little legs! From the time he could walk, James was never bored, always making up stories and dashing around with his pretend friends and playing very strange one-man Quidditch games! Being James' parents has been many things, mainly of the heart-stopping variety, but I can categorically state that it has never been boring! We couldn't be happier for James, and we couldn't have wished for a better daughter-in-law. Watching you both grow into such caring, passionate people gives us so much hope for the future. We've all been through some dreadful times of late, but today makes me feel like we are the luckiest parents in the whole world, both of our sons beaming at us, so happy in love."

Monty smiled down at Lily, Sirius and Remus, as James stood up and hugged his father tightly before clearing his throat and grinning at the gathered friends.

"Thanks Dad! I consider myself the luckiest man on the planet. First of all, I have the most incredibly generous, open-minded, loving, and utterly embarrassing parents you could ever imagine, and if Lily and I are half as happy as you have been, then I will consider our marriage a huge success."

Everyone laughed and clapped enthusiastically as James beamed at Mia and Monty, who were both smiling at him adoringly, holding hands.

"Our friends are also incredible, I wouldn't be standing here without them, and neither would Lily. I am honoured to call you friends."

James nodded at the Marauders and Lily's friends, holding each of their gaze in turn, and they knew how much they meant to him. Every single one.

"As for Lily, I have to keep pinching myself to really believe this is happening! You all know how unbelievably lucky I am to have married her. And she knows, I think, how much I adore her. Lily, I'm mad about you, completely bonkers, and I always will be. Even when my hair is grey and thinning, when I can't carry you up the stairs any longer, I'll still be head-over-heels in love with you. And when Sirius can't whisk you around on the dance floor, when Remus' hands can't play strings in the same way, when Peter's singing voice goes all deep and gnarled, my love for you won't change. If anything, I can say it is growing stronger all the time. The unbelievable thing is, Lily loves me too. I know she does, and I'm never going to get used to it, or take it for granted. We've been through a lot in the past two years. Most importantly, losing Lily's parents. They would have loved to be here, and we miss them. That's the only thing that scares me, the fear that someone could hurt the people I love. All I know is that with Lily, I can face anything. She is the strongest person I know. She is my lighthouse in the storm, my safe harbour. My everything. I don't know how long we'll have together, may it be many long years, despite this war. All we can do is to live each day to the full. As Lily's mother used to say, quoting a famous muggle boxer – "Don't count the days, make the days count."**

The guests raised their glasses, some of them wiping away tears as they repeated after him "make the days count".

"I'm now going to hand you over, Merlin help me, to my best friend and wonderful brother, the person who is probably single-handedly responsible for every single grey hair that Professor Mc Gonagall has – Sirius."

Sirius gave James an obnoxious grin, amid huge applause for James' speech.

"I've been preparing this speech since the start of Sixth Year, Prongs," he whisper-shouted loudly as he stood up, snorts of laughter ensuing as James hid his face in his hands and tried to look worried.

"Honoured guests, I am delighted to be here with you today at this marvellous celebration, as James' best man. I first met James on the Hogwarts Express at the start of First Year, talking nineteen to the dozen and wearing a Gryffindor scarf because "if I don't get sorted into Gryffindor I'm going to die!". He told me afterwards that his parents had warned him to stay away from the Blacks among others, and I'm very glad that he decided to ignore rules, a habit that continued unchecked for most of his school career. I could tell you thousands of embarrassing stories about James, or Prongs as we call him, most of them relating to his raging and wholly unsuccessful thing for Evans!"

He paused as everyone chuckled, and Lily laughed and raised a flirty eyebrow at James, who was now pointing between himself and Lily and mouthing "unsuccessful?" while pretending to look outraged.

"I have to say, there were times in the past few years where I nearly gave up on the entire Prongs Pursuing Evans lark! Suffice it to say that their first romantic encounter consisted of James doing cartwheels mid-air on his broom while telling Lily he was the best chaser in all of Hogwarts and she'd be lucky to date him, to which she coolly replied, "You're an eejit, Potter!". James turned around to me and said "Good Godric! She thinks I'm from Egypt, I'm so dashingly exotic!" Ronan O'Hara ruefully informed James that this was in fact an Irish way of saying "You're a knob, Potter!" and this dramatically and promptly resulted in him falling off his broom, and landing on his arse! I need only remind you of other escapades such as the Skinny Dipping Disaster in 3rd Year, the Head Injury Dilemma in 4th Year, the Turkey Strut Disaster**** in 5th Year and the Whatsit Problem in 6th Year, to name but a few, but I'm sure you're sensing a theme… never mind the countless trips, falls and walking into static objects caused by Prongs staring at Evans while simultaneously trying to exist," Sirius said, amid loud guffaws, grinning at James who laughed good-humouredly.

"That said, I hold myself entirely and solely responsible for bringing these two oblivious idiots together," said Sirius, with obvious pride, looking down at the happy couple as Remus groaned and Peter snorted in disbelief. "I was the first to realise that Evans fancied Prongs when I caught her gawking at him on the Hogwarts Express and overheard her, er, doe-eyed confession to a large shaggy dog at the Hogwarts Ball, basically admitting that no-one's hotter than James Potter!"

Loud laughter and whistling ensued, as Lily clapped her hands over her red cheeks and grinned at James.

"Truth, though?" she shrugged, laughing, to a round of applause, as Sirius raised his brow, and glanced at Remus.

"I beg to differ but…" Sirius winked, as Remus turned puce. "Of course, being a thoroughly decent chap, I didn't rat her out to anyone. But then rather a lot of stuff happened, which I won't go into now, and I am proud to say that I was single-handedly responsible for them going on their first date by the lake and snogging for the first time."

The entire room cooed and clapped at that, as Sirius raised his chin in a self-satisfied manner and gave a small bow.

"I've gotten to know Lily rather well since then, I'd even venture to state she is one of my best friends now. At the start though, I had my doubts as to whether she was good enough for our Prongs, despite being entirely out of his league. And I've been proved utterly wrong. Prongs is a deer, but Lily is if anything kinder, and well as being funnier, and definitely scarier. I can't think of any couple who complement each other as perfectly as these two, who are officially soulmates. I'm so happy for you, Lily. And for you, Prongs. You've always been there for me, a real brother. You've put up with so much shit from me, unfailingly loyal and supportive and… just, despite my immense mistakes and failures…"

Sirius swallowed hard and stopped, unable to speak, his debonair persona replaced by a rawness and honesty that suddenly made Remus want to stand up and hold him safely in his arms. He settled for rubbing soothing circles on the back of Sirius' hand. Sirius grabbed hold of his hand and squeezed it tightly as he took a deep breath.

"I don't know where I'd be without you and your parents," he faltered, struggling to compose himself.

"And we wouldn't be here without you, Dear," said Mia warmly, standing up and walking calmly over to Sirius with her arms out.

Sirius choked a self-conscious laugh as he hugged Mia tightly, whispering "thanks, Mum!" into her grey hair. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, her scent of jasmine and her hands stroking his hair, feeling grounded again, before looking over at James and grimacing dramatically, as he mouthed "sorry!".

"What Mum said, Pads!" James called out. He held Sirius' gaze, you don't need to say any more, Pads, I love you, you idiot, you're as much part of the family as I am his hazel eyes shone.

"I'll shut up now and hand you over to the real boss around here, Lily Evans Potter. We love you both, to the moon and back. To the bride and groom!" Sirius raised his hand, and everyone stood up and toasted the happy couple.

"Thank you, Sirius, for a lovely speech, I'm relieved you didn't make, ahem, a dog's dinner of it," Lily winked at Sirius as the other marauders laughed. "I wanted to make a speech too, because I don't see why only the men get to make speeches at Weddings, and because as James will tell you, I like to have the last word!"

She grinned at James as everyone laughed, James laughing with them, gazing at her with a mixture of besotted awe and fierce fondness.

"I wanted to thank you all for coming and making this the most beautiful day of my life, it's rare to have all the best people you love in one place, with none of the eejits! Thank you to Mia and Monty for making me feel so welcome and instantly adopted, I now know what Sirius meant when he said they made him feel like he had always been a part of their family from the moment he met them. I wish my own family was here, my own parents…"

She stopped short and smiled wistfully at James. He gripped her hand tighter, looking at her with concern, she shook her head and gave his hand a squeeze.

"They… they adored James. I know they would be so pleased and proud of us today. Thanks to Peter and Remus and my brother-in-law Sirius – you all made me feel so accepted, shared your innermost secrets with me… I'm so in awe of your friendships that run deeper than most people can imagine. I'm also incredibly awed by your, er, talents. All I can say is that if anyone related to the Marauders ever enrols into First Year in Hogwarts, God help you, you'll have your work cut out for you, Professor Mc Gonagall!"

Minerva rolled her eyes, unable to stop herself smiling.

"I will have to consider early retirement when that happens!" she quipped, causing the Gryffindors to chuckle loudly.

"My own friends have been wonderful, Dorcas and Emma have been the best Bridesmaids ever!" Lily said, to a huge round of applause. "I miss Mary, but we decided it wasn't safe or advisable to invite her over… or even to keep in touch, for the time being at least," Lily's voice trailed off.

She wasn't going to mention Petunia. Monty, who was sitting at Lily's right-hand side, took her hand. She looked at him and smiled, he was so kind, and she couldn't afford to get emotional now, as she turned around to gaze at his son.

"Dearest James, even saying your name makes me feel happy! If I'm your lighthouse, you are my rock, the foundation upon which I build my future. With you beside me, nothing is impossible, and I am not afraid. I know that marrying you is the best decision of my life. You might wonder why we chose to get married at this time, why not wait till after the war is over? We don't know what the future holds and we don't want to waste any time, and we both know that this is it – we found our anam cara*****, without even realising it. I am marrying my best friend. And I know marrying James also means adopting his friends, for better or for worse, and I accept that completely!"

Sirius and Remus clapped and whistled loudly, and Peter banged his fist on the table in delight.

"I'd like to leave you with a few words in Irish, which sum up what I wanted to say in a more poetic way – James, mo mhíle stór, is tú mo rogha, agus tá mo chroí istigh ionat. Tá lúcháir orm mar le mo ghrása mise, agus liomsa mo ghrá. Agus a chairde, glac misneach mar tá an neart seo againn - grá, dílseacht, cairdeas. Coinnigh ag seasamh le chéile - ní neart go cur le chéile. Which translates as this – James, my darling, you are my chosen one, and my heart is within you. I rejoice that I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine. And friends, take courage because we have these powerful things - Love, Loyalty, Friendship. Keep standing together – there is no strength without unity."

James stood up immediately as the clapping started, and soon there was a standing ovation. Peter jumped up and walked onto the stage where the muggle Wedding band had set up and cleared his throat, tapping the enchanted microphone. Benjy had booked them, they weren't locals, and they were under the impression that this was a posh but hippie wedding, with rather a lot of weed, and they seemed to accept the odd costumes and odder behaviours without question.

"Gentle guests," he called out. "Lily has a surprise for James, and she would like to invite him to join her for the first dance!"

Lily pulled James towards her and they walked hand in hand under the arch that the wedding guests had made with their wands held aloft, looking like sparklers, Lily thought. They kissed again under the wand glow. James' eyes narrowed playfully as he took to the dancefloor, smiling at Lily.

"Are you going to prank me?" he laughed, placing his hands on her waist.

"Spoken like a true Marauder! Perhaps?" she laughed back, with a knowing look. "A surprise, like I said!"

 _"It had to be you_

 _It had to be you_

 _I wandered around_

 _And finally found_

 _The somebody who_

 _Could make me be true_

 _Could make me be blue_

 _Or even be glad_

 _Just to be sad_

 _Thinking of you"_

"How… when did you learn the Foxtrot?" asked James, looking at Lily in surprise, as they whirled around the dancefloor and Peter's dulcet tones filled the air.

"Sirius taught me, I asked him to, for this," she laughed. "I could just about dance a waltz before that, as you know, now I can-"

"No way!" said James, beaming at her in delight. "He didn't by any chance teach you to Tango?"

"Absolutely," said Lily, beaming back. "And the Rhumba, among others."

"Fucking hell!" said James, leading her with ease in a flawless Foxtrot. "I've dreamt of dancing those with you…"

"I have Wormy prepped to sing a Tango next, just for you!" Lily laughed. "Why do you think I specifically chose a dress I could dance in?"

"You're just… Lily, you're beyond perfect," said James, staring at her delighted face.

 _"Some others I've seen_

 _Might never be mean_

 _Might never be cross_

 _Or try to be boss_

 _But they wouldn't do_

 _For nobody else_

 _Gave me a thrill_

 _With all your faults_

 _I love you still_

 _It had to be you_

 _Wonderful you_

 _It had to be you"_

"Not perfect," she replied, looking at him with a smile so fond that he melted, his chest bursting with the joy of it all. "Just perfect for each other."

"I don't even have words to describe how happy you make me, Lily," James murmured into her hair.

"Must be your world-finding difficulties?" Lily said, her head thrown back as she laughed softly.

"I found my world, and I don't intend to lose it, ever," James' low voice whispered in her ear, with a sweet urgency.

"Neither do I, James," she whispered back, closing her eyes momentarily to savour this moment. "Neither do I."

They Tangoed to the sound of Peter singing Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone and Remus thought they looked like professional dance partners, who had been dancing together for years. He stood at the side of the dance floor, nervously fidgeting with his cufflinks.

"They have that intense, smouldering passion thing just right, a perfect Tango," Sirius said, coming over to stand next to Remus and smiling at him warmly as he watched the bride and groom. "I love the Tango, it's all about the communication of deep emotions. It's, well, it requires trust, you know? Both dancers are constantly counter-balancing each other and sharing the other's weight. And can you see that James and Lily are both taking turns in leading and in being led? It's like… like a real-life relationship, I suppose."

He would have loved to dance with Remus, but he knew Remus wasn't a fan and he definitely wasn't going to ask him to dance and risk embarrassing his beautiful boyfriend. Remus cleared his throat.

"It, uh, it looks bloody complicated," he said.

"It is," said Sirius, moving his arm out to touch Remus' hand. "At the start."

The dance ended and the crowd clapped enthusiastically. Peter bowed low and hopped off the stage, finding Penny and taking her by the hand. The muggle band huddled together and then the lead singer began singing the next song, a slow Foxtrot.

"Oi, Moony!" James shouted over, rather rudely. "This is it!"

"Fuck it!" Remus sighed heavily, his face quite beetroot red.

"Moony, what's-" began Sirius.

"Will you… fuck, will you dance with me?" he blurted out.

Sirius stared at him, momentarily dumbstruck.

"Yes!" he said, recovering quickly. "Merlin, yes!"

"Right," said Remus, swallowing hard, and looking a little terrified.

He took Sirius' hand and placed his hand on Sirius' waist.

 _"Some day, when I'm awfully low_

 _When the world is cold_

 _I will feel a glow just thinking of you_

 _And the way you look tonight.."_

"Merlin's balls, Moony!" said Sirius, staring at Remus as he led him smoothly around the floor. "What happened you?"

"James Fleamont fucking Potter," Remus said, as a slow smile crept on his face.

Sirius snorted gleefully.

"What, James forced you to learn the Foxtrot at wand-point?"

"Well, he offered, and frankly, that may as well be the same thing," said Remus drily.

Sirius laughed outright, his mischievous grey eyes dancing with mirth. He looked wonderful, Remus thought, so completely stunningly handsome and so happy.

"How's that?" Sirius managed to ask at last.

"Fuck you, stop laughing at me!" said Remus, biting the side of his lip and smiling. "I can't fucking say no to that man, can I? I hate disappointing Prongs!"

"Merlin, I'd love to have seen you two!" Sirius burst out laughing again.

"He was a bastard, once I got the hang of it, he'd say stupid things to me in a you voice to put me off," Remus was trying not to laugh.

"In a me voice?" said Sirius, with a wide smirk. "What types of things?"

"You know what types of things, you git!" said Remus, his eyes twinkling.

"Huh! Prongs was sweet-talking you?" said Sirius, pretending to be jealous (practically jealous).

Remus laughed loudly at the idea.

"It didn't work," Remus said, his lips twitching at Sirius' expression. "My footwork was beyond reproach."

"I can think of other things you do to me that are beyond reproach," Sirius' voice dropped low.

Remus' step faltered momentarily.

"Don't you dare, you bastard!" Remus whispered. "Or there won't be any fancy footwork in bed for you."

Sirius' eyebrows shot up immediately.

"Smooth, Moony, very smooth," his silky voice replied in hushed tones.

Remus laughed softly, bringing them closer together.

Sirius' heart swelled. Remus was heavenly, his strong arm guiding him along at dance floor, looking divine in his wedding attire. He wanted to remain in this moment forever. Safe, surrounded by Remus and his friends and real family. He silently vowed to himself he would do anything and everything to keep them safe in the years to come.

 _"With each word your tenderness grows_

 _Tearin' my fear apart_

 _And that laugh, wrinkles your nose_

 _Touches my foolish heart…"_

…..

"And now, we move on to the real dancing!" the lead singer said, tossing her long hair and grinning happily. "We've been asked to start off with some Beetles songs, by the groom, who states that's the only music he knows how to dance to."

Lily stared at James and burst out laughing.

"You didn't?" she said teasingly.

"I did," he smiled back looking vaguely self-conscious, for approximately two seconds.

"But only the Beetles?"

"Yeah, well," James said, messing with his hair. "Sirius thought I progressed well enough to manage them, and possibly ABBA, but not well enough to manage Led Zeppelin and some of the cooler bands, the tosser!"

Sirius barged in, flinging his arms around both of them.

"Well, Mr. & Mrs. Potter," he said. "Enjoying the dancing so far? Prongs' muggle pop dancing isn't bad, if he sticks to my advice."

"Did you secretly teach both of us how to dance?" said James.

Sirius raised his brow and smiled enigmatically.

"I believe so, yes," he said.

"When? How did you even find the time?" asked Remus. "How did I not notice that?"

"Needs must," said Sirius, waving his hand in their general direction.

"You sly dog!" laughed Lily. "You kept that very quiet!"

"I am a master of deception!" said Sirius, his eyes shining with delight.

"Un-fucking-believable!" said Lily, shaking her head at him.

"Do buck up, Mr. & Mrs. Potter," Sirius laughed, pointing them towards the dance floor again.

They both laughed, looking at each other momentarily… Mr. & Mrs. Potter…

 _"Well, she was just 17_

 _You know what I mean_

 _And the way she looked was way beyond compare_

 _So how could I dance with another (Ooh)_

 _When I saw her standing there_

 _Well, my heart went "boom"_

 _When I crossed that room_

 _And I held her hand in mine_

 _Whoah, we danced through the night_

 _And we held each other tight_

 _And before too long I fell in love with her_

 _Now I'll never dance with another (Whooh)_

 _Since I saw her standing there"_

Sirius smiled with delight as the happy couple danced beside him, eyes only for each other, Lily barefoot by now as the sandals were tiring, the rest of the dancers making room for them all and clapping. Remus came and stood beside him and soon Sirius spotted Mc Gonagall looking at them with a fond smile on her usually stern face. He forgot sometimes that she was only in her early forties. It struck him suddenly that she was so invested in her pupils and her role in Hogwarts that it left no time for her to have a separate life.

"Professor," he said, making an impulsive decision and walking over, extending his hand out to her. "I demand a dance with you, for old time's sake!"

"Really, Sirius, I'm not sure I, ooh!" Mc Gonagall laughed despite herself as Sirius pulled her onto the dance floor.

"Please, Minnie, it's muggle music, much better than ours!" he laughed. "One dance, for your favourite pupil?"

"Very well, one dance only, mind!" she warned sternly, pursing her lips together to stop the foolish grin that she knew was coming.

Sirius couldn't stop smiling as his ex- Professor started moving. She prided herself on her self-control, her ability to repress her own feelings and appear cool and collected at all times. It had helped her deal with the heart-break and disappointments life had thrown at her. That, and an excellent sense of humour. But her favourite pupils had graduated and were now fighting a war, one which, despite her hopes, she felt deep down they had little chance of winning. And for just this once, she wasn't going to hold back.

 _"Oh Yeah! It was like lightning_

 _Everybody was frightening_

 _And the music was soothing_

 _And they all started grooving_

 _Yeah, Yeah, Yeah-Yeah-Yeah_

 _And the man in the back said everyone attack_

 _And it turned into a ballroom blitz_

 _And the girl in the corner said boy I want to warn you_

 _It'll turn into a ballroom blitz_

 _Ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz"_

"Professor, I think the weekly sessions with you were… quite enjoyable and, well, helpful," said Sirius, as he moved to the music.

Why was dancing so much easier than talking about feelings?

"You're referring to your detentions, I take it?" Mc Gonagall said, pursing her lips together again.

"Yeah, that," said Sirius, smiling at her.

"Those," she said primly.

He nodded.

"That's quite alright, Sirius," she said, her tone still stern. "I quite enjoyed them too."

Sirius' grin widened. Mc Gonagall swiftly turned and stole two champagne flutes from Dumbledore, who stood momentarily confused and then turned on his heels and left to get more drinks.

"Have a drink, Sirius," she said, holding out a glass.

"Bloody hell, Minnie gets zero muggle dancing lessons and somehow manages to best me!" said James, looking at Mc Gonagall in awe, a scandalised look on his face.

"She definitely beat you, Prongs, hands down!" laughed Dorcas. "Minnie is magnificent – bass ass, intelligent, scary and a great dancer. I aspire to be her!"

"So do I!" said James.

…

"Cala Violina, what does it mean?" Lily said.

"It means violin cove, the locals believe that the sand emits a sound when you walk on it, reminiscent of a violin melody," said James.

Lily closed her eyes and hummed softly.

"Worth getting up this early?" James asked.

"Definitely!"

It was dawn and they were sitting at the water's edge, alone, on the seashore, the waves of the Mediterranean lapping at their legs, refreshingly cool. The crescent shaped beach offered white sand and crystal-clear water. The azure of the water and the whiteness of the sand, combined with the greenery of the surrounding pine woods, provide a sublime setting, the water so clear that they could see each grain of sand, each little fish that seemed to nibble at their feet. It was not accessible by car, they had cycled there, James insisting on giving Lily a crossbar, despite only having learnt how to cycle a few days beforehand. Before the sun got too unbearably hot, they would cycle back to the open-topped Alpha Romeo Spider, hide the bike behind the trees, and Lily would drive them back to the cool sanctuary of their very own Tuscan cottage, deep within the undulating hills near Sant' Antimo and Montalcino. Lily had managed to get her full licence already, her great-uncle had taught her to drive in his battered Morris Marina the previous summer, much to James' delight, and she was teaching him. Perhaps stopping for lunch in their favourite restaurant, for some Panzanella salad or handmade pici pasta with ragu or simple fettucine with sage and butter. It was hard work, this honeymoon business (and honeymooning… activities), and required regular feeding. They had decided to forgo magic for the duration of the holiday. One week of bliss.

Lily breathed in deeply and sighed contentedly.

"I want to bottle that scent and take it home!" she said, resting her head on James' shoulder. "The pine trees, the sea, something that reminds me of basil, heavenly. Tuscan seaside in a bottle."

"The only thing I want to take home is you," James said.

He couldn't stop looking at her.

"Oh, that's handy," said Lily, her eyes dancing.

"What's it called again?" he asked.

"It's a bikini," Lily said, her green eyes impossibly vivid against the turquoise sea, when contrasted with her sun-kissed nose and cheeks, grinning up at him.

"A yellow bikini," James corrected her.

Wizarding England had yet to discover this invention. Fucking hell.

"Sei favolosa," he said.

Lily smiled at him. He called her gorgeous at least a dozen times a day. She ran her fingers through his hair and over the stubble on his jaw.

"You're pretty stunning yourself, Mr. Potter," she said lightly.

"How am I supposed to function with you looking like this?" he asked, grinning back. "I've narrowly avoided injury on numerous occasions so far. Are you planning on murdering me on my own honeymoon?"

"Yes, I am, very much so," said Lily.

"Oh, well, good to know," James murmured, his hand moving to trace over her collarbone. "I approve of your methods."

The sound of the soft waves mingled with the wind sighing through the pine wood behind them.

"It's only fair, when you insist on looking like this," Lily said, pressing her lips to James' jaw.

He was so tanned, after a few days, his hazel eyes mesmerising, his hair salty and sticking up, his broad shoulders.

"Yeah?" he said, grinning again. "Very good-looking, am I?"

"I think the technical term is a big-headed git," Lily winked at him. "But good-looking will do."

"I see. Mrs. Potter, I thought I should warn you that I'm planning on picking you up, carrying you into the sea and dunking you," James said.

"Are you now, Mr. Potter?" said Lily, raising her left eyebrow at him. "Brave of you to try."

"Yes," replied James, moving his face closer to hers. "And then I plan on kissing you, here, for a very long time."

She saw the beads of seawater caught on his impossibly long eyelashes, the gold and bronze flecks in his eyes.

"I see," said Lily, bending forwards and kissing his salt-swollen lips, slowly and insistently. "Good to know."

…..

* Cockney rhyming slang: Bengal Lancer = chancer; bees and honey= money; the rattle and clank= the bank

**Parare – (to make ready/protect against) spell to fix smooth out clothes, remove dirt etc

*** Don't count the days, make the days count – Muhammad Ali

**** Turkey Strut Disaster : The Last Laugh (I might come back and write one shots of the skinny dipping and head injury disasters at some stage!)

***** Anam cara - soulmate

Music:

It Had To Be You by Isham Jones 1924 (Foxtrot)

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone by Bill Withers 1971 (tango)

The Way You Look Tonight by Dorothy Fields and Jerome Kern 1936 (Foxtrot)

I Saw Her Standing There by The Beetles (1963)

Ballroom Blitz by Sweet (1974)

(I wanted to put in something by Siouxsie and the Banshees but her best was 1979 so… later, but please note, Mc Gonagall was a fan!)

 **Notes:**

P.S. Was my wedding dress second hand and intentionally perfect for dancing? Am I rec'ing silver sandals which I still wear, and did they come off too? Am I very partial to dancing? Was that our first dance? Did I make a speech at our wedding? Did my husband specifically mention lighthouses and harbours in his? Have I been to that part of Tuscany and do I adore it? Did I marry the guy I started dating aged 18? Yes to all, I hope not boring the pants off you!

P.S. Sirius' bike: two different ones were used in the films, a Royal Enfield and a Triumph 650 T 120 Bonneville. I ended up deciding on a 1960 Royal Enfield Bullet because it feels very British and because a very similar model is still basically in use today e.g. used by the military in India etc. which for some reason I thought Sirius would have liked.

P.S. The number of weddings in Britain soared during the Second World War, unsure of what the future held and perhaps in need of some hope and joy. Based on historical facts, it isn't so unusual that Lily and James would consider marriage at a time of war.

P.S. Sorry for the delay in updating this fic, I was on holidays and then exceptionally busy. I originally wanted to add in other events to this chapter but I felt it would delay this further so hope you enjoyed a completely fluffy chapter. Less fluff on the way next time…

… speaking of which, I thought of this, for the canon version of the story…

 _"Some day, when I'm awfully low_

 _When the world is cold"_

 _These were the only words of the song that Sirius could recall, surrounded by dementors in Azkaban… sometimes he half-recalled the tune, sang these lines hoarsely, endlessly caught on repeat. It felt like he was missing something, just out of his reach…_


	38. Sturm und Drang

**Chapter 38: Sturm und Drang**

 **Summary:**

Life after Hogwarts, difficult news for Regulus and Sirius, an Order mission...

(Tw: minor character death, mention of child abuse, vague mention of possible suicide)

 ** _Notes:_**

 ** _Happy Birthday Elsa! You are a gifted, kind, generous and talented person and we are lucky to have you! Check out her amazing fics at quietcloud on Ao3 and check out her tumblr at araniaexumae._**

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

"Hmm, that smells delicious, Pads," Remus murmured into Sirius' neck.

He watched Sirius' face light up with an incandescent smile.

"I'm cooking you breakfast," Sirius said.

"I know," Remus laughed softly, unable to take his eyes off him.

Sirius had only just gotten up, and Remus thought he looked gloriously dishevelled, his silky hair pulled back in a careless bun, moving dextrously around the cramped kitchen. The smell of warm toast, porridge and Spanish omelette made Remus feel ravenously hungry. He had only gotten home in the early hours of the night and fallen into bed beside Sirius, feeling immediately healed, revived, blessed.

"I'll serve you," said Sirius, motioning for Remus to sit down and kissing the top of his head.

Remus blinked, overcome by the surge of affection that welled inside him, and nodded. Maybe it was the exhaustion after the gruelling Order mission.

Maybe he was madly and deeply and irrevocably in love…

"Look at us," he said instead, after some time, grinning at Sirius over his empty mug of coffee. "It's a sweet, fluffy, ridiculously doting affair."

"It is," agreed Sirius, looking delighted and proceeding to spoon-feed him honey and porridge. "Entirely ridiculous."

They continued staring at each other as Remus carefully cut Sirius' toast into triangles, and passed it back to him, sure he looked like a complete idiot, a pathetic madly-in-love idiot, and he didn't care.

"There, I know this is how you like it, posh boy," he laughed, holding on to Sirius' hand.

Sirius rolled his eyes at him endearingly and laughed too, trying to spread the butter on his toast using one hand only and struggling, but refusing to let go of his boyfriend.

"I made you a fresh cup of coffee," Sirius said, placing a piece of toast into Remus' protesting mouth. "Using the Bialetti machine that Prongs got."

He poured the hot drink with one hand, still gripping Remus' other.

"Pads, that's superb, I love Italian coffee!" said Remus, sighing contentedly as he closed his eyes, enjoying the strong flavour.

Sirius stared at him adoringly, entranced by the sight of Remus.

"I want to make you sigh for other reasons," Sirius' voice was low and needy.

Remus kept his eyes closed and tried not to smile.

"Oh really?" he asked.

"Oh yes!" said Sirius, in a suggestive tone. "Followed by a long, relaxing shower together, rather longer than strictly necessary."

Both those things had happened, followed by lounging in the sitting room. Talking, banter, heated discussion about various topics, crosswords, Sirius polishing his boots, muggle-style. Making lunch together, moving around each other, unable to brush past each other without a lingering touch, a gentle kiss, an impish pinch, Remus muttering sarcastic one-liners, Sirius laughing in delight.

If only they hadn't been summoned to an extraordinary Order meeting out of the blue.

….

"Recap - meeting point is under the bridge, tomorrow, south of the Malfoy's estate," said Dearborn, in his clipped accent. "Rendezvous, Lupin?"

"Eighteen hundred hours," Remus said.

"Correct," said Dearborn, smiling back at him. "Black, what is the goal of this mission?"

Sirius hated being called Black. He also hated Dearborn's favouritism towards Remus, or his crush, it was hard to tell. As far as he could see, everyone seemed to have a crush on Remus. With good cause.

"Vague and irritating," said Sirius, in a bored tone of voice, sticking his feet up on the back of the chair in front of him.

"Excuse me?" Dearborn said stiffly.

"Vague, irritating and pointlessly dangerous," said Sirius, with a condescending smile as he raised his eyebrows in challenge.

"I think you'll find that's you, Sirius," muttered Remus, kicking Sirius' feet away.

Peter burst out laughing and hurriedly covered it up with a coughing fit. Dearborn's face flashed with irritation.

"Potter?" he said, ignoring Sirius.

James was staring ahead of him, seemingly lost in a daydream.

"Potter, for Merlin's sake!" Dearborn yelled.

….

 _"Let's stay here. Let's never go back."_

 _"Oh yeah?"_

 _"Yeah. We could hire a small cottage, in the middle of nowhere. Eat pasta. Drink Brunello. Teach English. Or farm. That's it! Buy a small plot of land and farm."_

 _"Yeah?" (amused)_

 _"Yeah, farm. I mean, I've never grown anything in my life but, you know, Dad grows plants all the time, can't be that hard. We could hire someone to help us at the start. We could grow olives, plant a vineyard, and sunflowers. Make oil and wine and bring you ridiculously large sunflowers. You'd have to learn Italian?"_

 _"Yeah."_

 _His eyes were sparkling with enthusiasm._

 _"Exactly. I mean, we'd have to persuade Mum and Dad to move over, I couldn't very well leave them alone in England in the middle of a war. I think they'd come. They love it near Val d'Orcia."_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"I don't know, dash it all, they wouldn't want to, but they would if we moved. And we'd have to move Sirius and Remus over too, obviously."_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _Each time the tenderness and sadness in her tone grew._

 _"Of course, couldn't leave them there… and Peter and Jenny, Emma and Dorcas… Benjy… all the crew…"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _There was silence for a few long moments._

 _"And Minnie?"_

 _"Her too."_

 _His voice sounded resigned now. Lily moved her hand and threaded her fingers with his own. He lifted up her hand, staring at the two rings and kissed it softly. Neither of them spoke for a time._

 _"We can't leave, not all of us," James said._

 _Lily smiled sadly._

 _"Yeah," she whispered soothingly._

 _"I want to take you somewhere special," he said._

 _"Alright, Mr. Potter," she smiled back._

 _They drove in silence down the dusty, white gravel roads towards Siena. He pulled in beside a field with a view of the Crete Senesi, undulating hills, with the single iconic cypress tree. The meadow was golden, hazy with occasional butterflies, no wildflowers this time of year._

 _"Come with me," he said, getting out of the convertible and walking over to the driver's side to open her door, making her laugh._

 _He took her hand and led her to the centre of the field, her other hand skimming the top of the tall wheat, the golden leaves tickling her legs, the crickets playing in the background._

 _"This is where I saw us, in the globe, during Divination," he said, holding her shoulders and looking down at her. "It was Springtime, you were safe, we had two kids."_

 _His eyes burning fiercely, like he thought she could tell him everything was going to be alright. She looked up at him, held his gaze, her hands playing with his pale blue shirt, running down his chest and hovering over the buttons._

 _"It's beautiful, James," she said._

 _"Stay here, Lily, stay here till it's safe, please," he begged, his face closer to her. "I'll come back for you as soon as Voldy is through."_

 _She smiled at him, kindly, sadly, her hands moving up and resting on his shoulders._

 _"You weren't meant for war," he said desperately._

 _She wanted to be able to comfort him, to say yes, to see the relief blossom in his face, she couldn't bear it when he looked so anxiously at her._

 _"It's my war, James, I can't walk away and let other muggleborns fight the Death Eaters for me, if anything, it isn't yours. You could be safe, here, building our future?"_

 _"I can't Lily," he sighed, carefully removing a leaf from her hair. "I want to, but I just…you, though…"_

 _"You know I can't do that, any more than you can," she said simply._

 _He wanted to refute it, to tell her countless reasons why she was wrong, why she should stay._

 _He knew her too well._

 _He wrapped his arms around her, held her close, her head resting on his chest, gently caressing her hair._

 _"Bloody fucking bastard war," he murmured, kissing her forehead tenderly._

 _"Bastard war," she said, holding him even closer._

 _It was just them, the sky a blaze of shimmering pink, scarlet and the burnt orange glow from the sinking sun. The sound of the crickets faded and all she could hear was his steady heartbeat._

 _"I want a picture of you, with the muggle camera," he said. "For when I'm feeling nostalgic."_

 _In the photograph she was smiling softly, but her eyes were faintly narrowed, almost in a duelling stance, her cream dress pale against her auburn hair and the blood red sky._

 _The sun sank beneath the horizon._

 _It was soon dark._

…

"Potter! Pay attention, for crying out loud, man!" repeated Dearborn impatiently, slamming his fist onto the desk in front of him. "The plan!"

James jumped visibly, bringing himself back from six months ago, his hand automatically finding his wand.

"The plan? I think, at best, it's sketchy. We don't know what we're looking for, and I'm willing to bet you the Malfoys have a massive fuck-off library. It must be something vital to the war effort, something worth dying for. Or it had better be," he said.

"Hear, hear," said Sirius. "Well, at least there are two intelligent people in this room!"

"I never asked for your opinion, Potter, or Black!" growled Dearborn, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Dumbledore says this item is of critical importance for-"

"Well, why isn't he fucking coming on this mission then, huh?" snapped Sirius. "If it's so fucking vital, where the fuck is he?"

"Right here, Mr. Black," Dumbledore's serene voice from behind Sirius made him jump.

"Merlin!" Sirius sank into his chair.

"Not quite, but thank you, Sirius," Dumbledore continued conversationally, smiling at them pleasantly. "You were saying?"

"Eh," began Sirius.

"He was wondering if you'd be joining us on the mission, Sir," said Remus.

"I believe he expressed it rather more… eloquently, but no, I myself will not be accompanying you. I'm afraid that we have had word of a planned attack on a busy muggle neighbourhood in central London. I shall be needing some of you to help me to deal with that threat and I shall require that a select few infiltrate the Malfoy's country residence."

"Professor, what precisely are we looking for?" Lily said.

"I don't know, Mrs. Potter," said Dumbledore, enjoying the slight blush that crept onto her cheeks at the use of this name. "I am led to believe that Voldemort may have given Lucius a book for safe-keeping which contains very dark magic indeed. I urgently need to examine this book as soon as possible to verify this hunch."

"Anything else you can tell us, Professor?"

It was clear that Dearborn was exasperated by the lack of detail.

"I suspect it will not be a showy article, rather a more discreet type of book, I'm afraid we have very little to go on," Dumbledore said.

"Would it not make more sense for you to come, Sir?" asked Dearborn.

"No, I'm afraid I don't know any more than you do, and I think the London attack is more important, all the most powerful Death-Eaters will be there, possibly Voldemort himself," Dumbledore's tone was firm.

"Very well," Dearborn said. "Remus, you're with me."

"Yes, good choice," said Dumbledore, nodding approvingly. "Mr. Lupin has an excellent eye for detail. I suggest talking three more with you, Caradoc."

"Fine," said Dearborn, rubbing his injured arm. "I'll take the Potters, you take Black, and-"

"No!" said Sirius sharply. "I'll come with you. Remus, Lily and James can go with Professor Dumbledore."

He couldn't explain it, this nasty feeling and shiver down his spine he got at that precise moment. When James and Lily had been captured by Voldemort and when Orion had framed James, he had gotten the same premonition, the same dread.

Dearborn gave him an odd look.

"You literally just said it was a stupid plan," he sighed.

"Yeah, well, I've changed my mind," Sirius said, giving him a very fake smile. "Now that Professor Dumbledore explained it, I'm very into it!"

"I'm going too," said Remus stubbornly. "Professor Dumbledore said-"

"Fuck that-" began Sirius rudely.

"I said I'm going, Sirius, that's final!" Remus' voice rising impatiently.

"Fine!" said Dearborn, who looked too exhausted to deal with them any longer. "Prewett? Are we good?"

Fabian Prewett flashed Dearborn a cheeky grin.

Sirius felt the tension in his body reduce. The Prewetts had proven themselves time and again to be invaluable in a tight spot.

"That's all settled then," said Sirius smoothly.

James cocked his head to one side and frowned. He always knew if Sirius was behaving unusually.

"You all right, Pads?" he asked, elbowing him gently as they left the room.

"Couldn't be better," Sirius answered.

"Liar," muttered James, as Sirius pushed past him and caught up with Remus.

….

"James?"

Remus' voice was quietly urgent, standing at the bedroom door.

"What's wrong? Who is it?" James said, his voice groggy, getting up out of bed immediately, hands groping for his glasses.

They slipped out into the sitting room without waking Lily. Remus passed a piece of thick, old-fashioned parchment to James. James recognised the family crest immediately - a shield with greyhounds rampant charged with a chevron, 2 five-pointed stars and a short sword.

"Fuck!"

James stared at the paper and ripped the seal open.

 _31st January 1979_

 _Dear Lupin and Potter,_

 _It is with deep regret that I hereby inform you of my Father's untimely demise. The circumstances of his death have not yet been clarified. Mother is most aggrieved. The funeral takes place tomorrow. I would be exceedingly grateful if this information could be passed on to my brother. I fear he may take it badly. I strongly advise against Sirius attending the funeral in person. It will cause needless upset to my Mother who has already suffered enough since my Father's wholly unjustifiable incarceration. He was due to be moved to Azkaban tomorrow, the process of appealing the sentence having taken a rather considerable period of time. Please ensure my brother does not attend. To do so would place him at immediate risk from his cousins and from Mamma, I fear. My Father left a missive to be read out at the funeral and I understand he makes reference to his eldest son in it. The reference is entirely negative. I also fear I would find it nigh on impossible not to communicate with him if he comes._

 _Please keep him away, Lupin. I count on you to succeed._

 _Yours Faithfully,_

 _Regulus Black_

"Fuck," said James, quietly, handing the letter over to Remus.

Remus read the letter and then looked back at his friend, his face paler than usual.

James pulled at his hair with both hands and closed his eyes momentarily.

"You talk to him and keep him away, I'll handle the funeral," he said.

"Prongs, I-" said Remus, looking at his friend with concern.

"Trust me, my job is by far the easiest!" said James.

"I know, but…" said Remus anxiously. "It's not safe!"

"It'll be a lot safer than a half-blood or a muggleborn trying to get in there," muttered James, giving Remus' shoulder a tight squeeze. "I'm only going to find Reg. I'll be in and out in a few minutes."

"Take someone else with you!" Remus said.

"Maybe," James said.

He rubbed his eyes and sighed.

"I'm sorry about landing you with that, I think Pads is going to take it badly," James said. "But I think if he's going to listen to anyone…"

"Don't mention it," said Remus hurriedly. "I'm more than happy to do whatever I can."

"I know you are, Moony. Pads is my brother, but you're my best friend. I don't think I've ever thanked you enough for… you know, I just know I can reply on you, always, that you'd never let me down, I'd trust you with anything. With everything. Having you to discuss my fears with, and know you'll always tell me the truth? It's such a fucking relief. I really value your friendship. Especially what you have with Pads, to know how much you care."

James was looking at him so intently, Remus cleared his throat, feeling embarrassed.

"No need, James, for God's sake, you know what your friendship means to me. I would have been lost without-"

"Bollocks, you would have made other friends and we would have been the poorer for it!" James smiled.

Remus shook his head.

"You're wrong, but let's not argue about it," he said quietly. "The Marauders mean everything to me, you're family, Lily too. I want to help, in every way I can. You know I love him, right?"

Remus' eyes shone brightly and there was a slight hitch in his voice.

"It's incredibly obvious," James smiled.

"Good," Remus' face seemed to radiate warmth and kindness. "I hope he knows it too."

"So do I, he can be a bit oblivious at times," James gave a quick laugh.

"James?"

"Yeah?" James was looking at him curiously. "You alright, Moony?"

"Yeah, nothing," Remus smiled, playing with his watch.

"Are you sure?" James said, sounding concerned. "You'd tell me if you need money, right? Or if you're not feeling well? Or if there's anything I can-"

"Shut up, Prongs, I'm trying not to get emotional. Just wanted to let you know you're the best friend I could wish for and I don't deserve you."

James laughed and rolled his eyes.

"You're bonkers, mate!" he said gruffly. "Also, technically I've now assigned you the title of bother-in-law. So Wormy is now officially my best friend."

He grinned broadly and punched Remus on the arm, trying to make light of the current situation.

"Rude!" Remus shot back.

James shrugged and winked at him.

"I better get back into bed before Lily notices," he said.

"Yeah," Remus said. "Just be careful tomorrow!"

….

"Sirius?"

Sirius closed his eyes and smiled.

"Yeah?" he said, breathing deeply.

He was lying in bed, awake for the past hour, feeling deliciously warm and relaxed and tired. The muscles in his back ached. He was looking forward to lazing in bed for the morning and being sweetly domestic with his boyfriend, until the mission that evening. He could think of nothing he would have preferred, breathing in the scent of Remus – intoxicating and wonderfully calming all at once.

You are loved.

You deserve to be loved.

This is love.

And sometimes it was too sweet, and he would have to hold his breath for a moment, close his eyes tightly, for fear it was all a dream.

"I… Sirius, I'm sorry, I have some bad news," Remus voice sounded strained.

Sirius sat up in bed, immediately alert, heart pounding.

"What is it?" he said, looking at Remus with wild eyes. "James? Lily? Pe-"

"It's your father," Remus interrupted him, reaching out and holding onto Sirius' arm. "You father… he's… he's dead…"

Sirius stared at him. He looked confused. He swallowed hard.

"Orion?" he said, looking towards the door anxiously, as though expecting the head of the Black family to walk in.

"Yeah," Remus said.

Sirius could see the pity in Remus' face. He felt overwhelmed, anger, relief, sadness, guilt – all vying for control. He threw the covers off and stood abruptly, hands on the windowsill, breathing rapidly. Scenes from his childhood flashed before him – Orion coldly dismissing him as a failure, Orion hexing him and looking on unmoved as he cried out in pain or fear, Orion standing inches away from his face telling him he was a disappointment. He closed his eyes, willing himself not to cry. Damn it, he refused to be upset about that murderer's death. He refused to…

A memory of Orion, with a wide grin, bending down low to lift him into the air (he must have been very young), looking proud and delighted at his eldest son.

"Well done, Sirius, excellent work! Got top marks in all your exams with Governess Yaxley. She tells me you're a little genius!"

He was bursting with pride and the sense of being important, of mattering to his father.

"I'll do it again, I promise!" he smiled at his father, excited.

"You better!" Orion ruffled his hair, as Sirius felt a weight of anxiety settle in his chest.

Another memory, at one of the Black Christmas Balls, he was older now, maybe ten years old. His Father had been watching him as he flawlessly danced with various awful pureblood relatives. Regulus had promised to buy him a broomstick repair kit if he didn't cause a fuss. He had agreed, because he wanted it, and because he felt sorry for Reg, who hated these gatherings even more than he did. His father had pulled him aside as the dance finished and he had flinched involuntarily, expecting a punishment for something or other.

"You're an excellent dancer, Sirius, very sharp. I think you'll make a good Quidditch player too, Slytherin House will be proud to have you," Orion had said, patting his cheek.

He had stared at his father in shock, who had laughed briefly and given him a small push on his back.

"Run along, Sirius, we'll make a great man of you yet, even if it kills you!"

His father was smiling at him, proudly and benignly. He hadn't realised what his father meant at the time…

Tears fell down his cheeks and he wiped them away, embarrassed and angry at himself, biting his lower lip which was trembling.

"Pads," Remus spoke softly. "It's alright to cry, he was still your dad."

"It's not though," Sirius said angrily, squeezing his eyes shut. "He made my life hell. Nothing was ever good enough, I was just a bitter disappointment, he hated me, from the moment I ended up in Gryffindor he lost every last shred of respect and hope for me. He even told me so."

A sob escaped Sirius, and Remus moved instinctively closer.

"You were always too good for them Sirius," he said desperately, cautiously rubbing circles in his boyfriend's lower back.

"He told me that Mother had known for years that I wasn't worth bothering with, that she had completely given up on me. Ha! As though she hadn't made it abundantly clear to me! But that he… that he kept hoping he could change me, had kept trying, had thought he could force me to be like them."

"Fuck him!" Remus said through gritted teeth, almost in tears as he saw the anguish in Sirius' eyes.

"Do you know what it's like to be told by your father that they wish you had never been born?" Sirius whispered.

Remus' throat tightened. How many times had he thought that, about his father, that Lyall perhaps wished he had never had a son. But Lyall had never said that to him. He tried to imagine how devastated he would have felt if he had done so.

"Oh Sirius," he said, pulling Sirius in for a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Seren, so sorry."

"Seren?" Sirius looking up at him, with puffy, red eyes.

"It's the word for star, in Welsh, a name for either girls or boys," Remus answered, kissing Sirius' temple.

"I like it," Sirius whispered, hiding his face in Remus' jumper and breathing in deeply, trying to ground himself again.

"My Seren," Remus hummed. "I am so lucky to have you, Sirius."

"Yours," Sirius sighed. "Say it again – yours and nobody else's."

"My Seren, mine and only mine. As long as you want me," Remus' Welsh voice soothing him.

Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus even tighter.

"Fuck, why do I care? The man tried to.. for fuck's sake, he tried to…" his voice grew louder.

"It's normal, Sirius," Remus said, feeling lost. "I mean he was a horrible man but he was still-"

"Ugh! I hated him, so much!" Sirius said, looking into the middle distance. "I hated how he killed an innocent boy, the fucking evil bastard! I hated that he tried to frame Prongs! I hate how he forced Reg to make that vow! I wanted to punch him in the face when…"

He stopped abruptly and Remus frowned.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Reg!" said Sirius, looking agitated. "Fuck! Poor Reg! He looked up to Father so much, always wanted to be the good boy, to do the right thing. He's probably heartbroken and he's stuck with my hag of a Mother… I should go there."

He made to move towards the door and Remus blocked it with his body.

"No way, Sirius," he said firmly, his face white. "You can't go to him, the funeral is on this morning and you can't be there, or Reg dies Sirius, do you understand, Sirius? He dies!"

"There must be something, anything, I can do to help!" Sirius gestured wildly with tears in his eyes. "Maybe I could go as Padfoot? Does the Unbreakable vow work on animagi?"

Remus swallowed and shook his head.

"I've no idea, Sirius, I doubt anyone has tested that, there are very few wizards and witches who have become animagi, let alone been subjected to the curse-"

"For Merlin's sake!" Sirius shouted. "At least if I could show up as Padfoot and sit next to him, or-"

"Don't be an idiot, Sirius!" said Remus, angry and scared for him. "As if they'd let a random dog that looks like The Grim into a funeral! Next to your fucking family!"

Sirius winced.

"I didn't mean that to sound rude, Pads," Remus said hurriedly, his wand still gripped tightly in his hand. "I just don't want you getting hurt or something happening to Reg. He told me not to let you go!"

Sirius looked drawn as he nodded and looked at the floor.

"Of course, I understand, he doesn't want me there," his voice a mere whisper.

"He wants you there!" said Remus feeling sick. "It's just that the vow…"

"It's fine…" Sirius turned away. "Do you know what one of the last things I said to him was? I told him I hated him, I said some horrible things to him, told him he was a coward and I'd always hated him."

Remus stared at him helplessly.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"I told him I was sorry," Sirius said hoarsely, meeting his eyes. "The last thing I said to him. I don't think he believed me."

"I know he does, Pads," Remus said urgently. "Why else would we make him listen to our music, give him a book, bother with him at all?"

"He'll be all alone!" Sirius said, frustration building inside him.

He punched the wall next to Remus, hard.

"Fuck Orion!" he hissed.

"Sirius!" Remus' tone was an order. "He'll know you care. James has gone on your behalf."

"He's what?" said Sirius, looking outraged.

Remus rubbed his face with his left hand.

"He went to see Reg, so he'll know you wanted to be there. He's only staying for a few minutes and he's bringing backup."

Sirius raised his eyes to stop any tears, clenched fists at his side. He nodded briefly, biting his upper lip.

"I just want to be able to do something, anything, rather than be cooped up in here and… fuck it! I hate not being able to help, Moony, doing nothing! Do you understand? I hate being useless!" he said bitterly.

Remus couldn't help himself, his feelings of helplessness mirrored in what Sirius was saying, how true that was of the brave man he loved. In two strides he was by Sirius' side, enveloping him tightly.

"Merlin, I know, Pads, I know how alien that is to you!" Remus said.

"Your eyes are practically smoking," Sirius said, distracted by the sight of his unusually emotional boyfriend.

Remus continued staring at him, his fingertips holding onto Sirius' face gently.

"Make me forget, Moony."

Sirius' voice ached.

"Anything, Seren," said Remus, kissing him feverishly. "Anything."

He wasn't sure was snogging the life out of your boyfriend the answer, when your murderous father had just died, maybe he should have tried talking to Sirius more? But he had no idea what he was doing, neither of them did, and perhaps this way he could show Sirius how desperately he wanted to fix things for him, how desperately he loved him.

…

There were Aurors at the gates and inside, lining the aisles. The atmosphere was tense and frayed, like goosebumps before a crash of thunder. He spotted Walburga immediately, standing away from the crowd, wearing a small witch's hat, perched on the side of her head almost like a muggle fascinator, with a black veil partially covering her face. Refined and elegant. A few people were walking up to her to offer their condolences before the ceremony began. Regulus was standing beside her, stock still, frozen to the spot, wearing a stiff set of expensive robes with an unyielding high collar. On it was pinned a serpent broach and underneath was a starched bottle green shirt with another ornate fastening. It was physically impossible for Regulus to lower his chin in that outfit. The cloak was heavy and seemed to be pulling Regulus down with it. He facial expression gave little away, but James knew that it was difficult to read Reg correctly. He noticed members of all the Sacred Twenty-Eight in the gathering. It was always like this. No matter if some of the families were at war or not on speaking terms, when it came to funerals, they always sent a representative from the family. The Potters were not part of the twenty-Eight and in any case, James would have refused point blank to send anyone to the funeral of the man who had tried to kill Sirius and murdered Bertie Bulstrode, social niceties be damned.

But he was here for Reg, on behalf of their brother.

Clenching his fists, he walked purposefully up the aisle till he stood right in front of a horrified Walburga.

"Ma'am," James said, nodding his head curtly.

"You? You dare show your face here?" Walburga spluttered.

She looked like a snake ready to strike, venom in her voice. James ignored her, with difficulty, and turned to Regulus, who was regarding them both impassively.

"Reg, I'm very sorry," he said, extending his hand out. "I know Sirius would have wanted to be here for you, but your Father made it impossible for him to contact you."

"I know," Reg stared at James.

He ignored James' extended hand.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"Because Sirius cares about you, and I wanted you to know that," James said.

It felt awkward, his hand still out in front of him, which Reg was ignoring, his intense gaze penetrating and severe.

"Please go away."

Quite suddenly it dawned on James that Reg was terrified. His hands were balled up into the tightest fists, there were beads of sweat on his forehead and upper lip, and looked like someone had sewn his jaw shut.

"Of course," James said, instantly withdrawing his hand.

He inclined his head minimally and turned to leave. A wave of disappointment hit him. Fuck it, what had he expected? For Regulus to ignore the surrounding Death-Eaters (and awful mother) and tell him something profound that would have helped Sirius? He was feeling deeply uneasy himself, avoiding the death-glares emanating from the seated gathering. He was very grateful to the Aurors who stood out so brazenly from the assembly.

"Potter!"

A thin hand gripped his shoulder tightly and swung him round.

"Don't say anything! I'm sorry. I am now an active Death-Eater, I cannot be seen talking to you. You didn't need to come. Thank you," Reg was speaking so fast James was struggling to follow him, holding onto the collar of James' cloak.

"Alright," James said.

He didn't like the sound of that at all.

I am now an active Death-Eater…

He felt sick.

"Shove me, Reg, to make it look like you hate me, and tell your mother you had some choice words with me," he added quickly, suddenly aware that the entire room was watching them closely.

"Yes," replied Reg, as with unexpected strength he pushed James backwards, causing him to stumble as he tried to regain his balance.

A strong arm caught him and lifted him up.

"Slipped, did you?" a witty voice said cheerfully.

"Marls," said James, gripping her hand briefly. "What are you doing here?"

"Supposedly paying my respects on behalf of the Fam, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, that bastard deserved none."

Marlene Mc Kinnon – icon, incredibly well-respected member of the Order. James held her in the highest regard. She was tough as nails, with a wicked sense of humour and an excellent dueller. She looked like she had never given a damn about anyone else's opinion.

James dusted off his cloak.

"What was that?" Marlene asked, rolling her eyes to the right.

"That?" said James, looking at Reg who was now back at his mother's side, looking distinctly uncomfortable. "I'm not sure…"

"Charming," she scoffed, fixing her blonde hair behind her ears and manoeuvring James towards the front door. "I'm getting you out of here before you start a riot."

…

"What was that about?" Walburga's voice was painfully loud.

"I had some choice words with him," said Reg, repeating what James had said to him verbatim.

He had no idea what the phrase meant (a choice of what?).

"Did you?" Walburga sounded astonished.

"Yes, Mother," said Reg, feeling nauseated.

He hated lying.

"And you hit that vile blood-traitor too?" she hissed.

"No, not hit, technically I pushed-" Regulus said.

"I'm so, so proud of you, Darling," Walburga whispered, with tears in her eyes. "Your Father would have been immensely proud of you, Regulus."

She fixed his collar and ran her hands along his collarbones. Regulus wanted to scream. He hated people touching him like that. Just like he hated loud, unexpected noises and the smell of dark magic and the pain on his forearm from the Dark Mark. Even when it was inactive, the feel of it was unbearable. It felt like prickly heat in the summertime, the scratchy irritation of his school uniform, the screaming nerve-endings of a tag against the back of his neck. All combined and multiplied into something he wanted to scratch off himself at every opportunity. And when Lord Voldemort had summoned him and the rest of his inner circle, the skull and serpent had changed from a blood red colour to intense jet black, the burning sensation nearly drove him to despair.

"Mother, please," he said, pulling away from her, his voice drawn and formal.

"Of course, Darling," Walburga said. "I have your Father's letter here, in case you want to familiarise yourself with it beforehand."

She handed him the rolled parchment. Regulus stared at it in horror.

"Mother, I cannot read it," he whispered.

Walburga's eye twitched.

"Regulus?" she said, her voice now quiet and dangerous.

"I don't… I cannot read aloud in public, I find it-" he said, his mouth dry. "It upsets my stomach."

"You will get up and read this damned letter if it's the last thing you do!" she spat out.

"I cannot, Mother, I swear to you, I-"

"And I swear to you I shall use the Cruciatus on you if you so much as utter one more word in protest!" Walburga's bony fingers were gripping his arms viciously.

Regulus nearly screamed with the pain.

"The Mark!" he said. "Don't touch it!"

"Shut up!" Walburga looked wildly around her. "Don't you know that the activities of the Death-Eaters are still illegal, at least for the time being?"

"I was not aware," said Regulus, gulping mouthfuls of air and trying not to panic.

"Morgana's hell, Regulus, are you utterly stupid?" Walburga snarled, a mix of anger and anxiety coursing through her veins. "Don't lie to me! You will read your Father's letter and I will not allow you to walk away from your responsibility as the new heir of the House of Black! Your brother would have had no difficulty reading it!"

"I am not my brother," Regulus said quietly, wishing he could disapparate and never return.

"No, you are not blood-traitor scum," she said, clenching her jaw and stepping closer to him. "But I expect you to do as you are told, without exception. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Mother," said Regulus.

His voice was trembling.

All through the ceremony he stared unseeing at the letter from his father.

My dear blood relatives,

If I should meet an untimely end, please know that your families are of the utmost importance in our fight against blood weakening and blood tainting. I beg you to hold fast to our long-held traditions of marrying only into other pureblood families, preferably within the Sacred Twenty-Eight. I have been wrongly accused and convicted of a crime that was not my doing. I hereby strongly condemn the lies spread by James Potter about my involvement in that Bulstrode boy's death. My own flesh and blood, Sirius Orion Black, was involved in that scandalous affair and tried to frame me. He has been nothing but a wretched disappointment, a disgraceful liar and a bane on my existence since he was born, despite our best efforts. He has single-handedly brought about the ruination of my own good name and brought disrepute and calamity onto our household. I hereby name Regulus Arcturus Black as the heir of my estate, and request that he tend to the needs of my honourable wife, Walburga, as I know he will do."

The letter went on in much the same vein for another two paragraphs. Regulus' hands shook as he read it. He couldn't speak ill of his brother like this. His father was wrong.

His father was also a liar.

He had found and secretly read the letter his Father had left for his Mother, just that morning, before leaving for the funeral – more lamenting about his traitorous son, about his treatment by the Aurors, about Voldemort's supporters not managing to secure his release.

One paragraph stood out.

"Although I agree that my plan to destroy the Potters was excellent, it was not without risks. I should have just put that bastard Potter under the Imperius Curse and forced him to kill Sirius. It would have ruined his parents and gotten rid of our problem in one fell swoop. Pity I did not consider this option at the time."

All the excuses he had given Regulus, excuses about Bertie Bulstrode, excuses about James Potter, were just that – lies.

Was it all lies? Was the superiority of purebloods over mudbloods lies too? The poignant, beautiful melodies from Lupin's violin leapt to his mind, Lily Evans' voice humming the tune.

All lies.

He remembered his father forcing him to make the Unbreakable Vow, "for your own good", explaining his vile punishments and treatment of Sirius "for his own good". He had tried to murder his own son, his dear brother…

All lies.

He shivered violently, trying to stop his breathing from escalating out of control. He hadn't stopped shaking since he read that letter.

What had he done? Joined an even more consummate liar and his violent supporters, for what? He had joined the Death-Eaters because his parents wanted him to, and because they had told him it was the right thing to do, and reminded him that Voldemort's supporters could come after his family if he refused. He thought he had no choice…

He struggled to read it, unable to keep his breathing regular, stuttering and refusing to look up at the sea of faces, leaving out any references to Potter or his brother. He hated the standing ovation that he received, hated the confusing tones of voice (simpering, affected condolences) from fellow Death-Eaters and bigoted families. He hated his mother's behaviour (Sirius would have correctly recognised it as a performance - her regal presence and contrived friendliness). Now he knew the truth, he could not go along with it any more.

"Walburga, my dear, how utterly devastating!" gushed Druella Black, Cygnus' wife, air-kissing his mother, with a wicked air of barely-suppressed glee that Regulus missed entirely. "You must be so upset, poor Orion, so dreadful… do you think he, you know, planned to end-"

"We'll never know," Walburga replied icily. "The results of the Healers' tests have come back inconclusive."

"I see, well, obviously the question remains-" Druella said, smiling tightly.

"Regulus, pass me my cloak," Walburga turned pointedly towards Regulus.

"Darling," Cygnus said, coming up at that very moment and kissing her hand.

"My favourite brother," Walburga smiled at him, as Druella turned to speak to her son-in-law, Lucius Malfoy.

Cygnus rudely snatched her cloak from Regulus' hand and handed it to her.

"My favourite sis-" he said.

"Your wife is behaving like a bitch," snapped Walburga. "Gloating over our tragedy!"

"My dear Walburga, you wound me!" said Cygnus, affecting his most sycophantic tone. "She would never dream of such a-"

"She damn well would, Cygnus," said Walburga, with a withering look at her brother. "She's always been jealous of me – she always coveted my having two sons, when all she could give you was three daughters. She's a scheming, lying, ugly little runt!"

"I say, Walburga," whispered Cygnus, terrified his wife might hear. "Steady on, I-"

"Fuck off, Cygnus!" Walburga hissed back. "She's always hated my superior looks, superior title, superior lineage. Well, you can tell her that her short, wrinkled neck makes her look hideously old, and that she's not welcome to set foot in my house until I receive a grovelling apology!"

"Walburga, dearest," Orion's sister Lucretia Black touched Walburga's sleeve.

Walburga's tone altered dramatically.

"Darling!" she cooed, all warmth and mourning.

Regulus had never felt so confused in all his life.

"Mother, what did Aunt Druella mean?" he asked, as they exited down the stone steps.

"Don't you DARE mention that woman's name in my presence! We all know exactly what happened your Father, we all know this tragedy is entirely of your brother's making – that piece of-" Walburga's voice rose.

"Mother!" said Regulus, feeling his eyes stinging.

"You're right, this is not the time or the place," Walburga laughed bitterly.

She had ranted and raved at him once they got home, screaming and cursing and calling Sirius every name under the sun, shattering a glass which she threw against the wall at his burnt outline, vowing to make his life a misery. Screaming at Regulus for failing to mention Potter and his traitorous sibling as his Father had wanted.

"Orion would still be here if it wasn't for your evil, vile, filthy brother!" she screamed at Regulus.

Regulus put his hands against his ears and grimaced.

"Technically, Father would still be here if he hadn't killed Bertie Bulstrode and tried to frame Potter, there's no need to lie," he said, fighting to maintain his composure, matter-of-factly.

Walburga stared at him in shock, stunned into silence.

"You know about that?" she asked after a time, surprised.

"Yes," said Regulus. "I know about a lot of things, Mamma. I am a Death-Eater, you know."

"Of course, Regulus dear," Walburga said.

She stood momentarily at a loss, before stepping forwards and rubbing his cheek, making him squirm.

"Yes, of course. Well, you and I both know the Potters had to be taught a lesson, and we couldn't allow your brother to…" she stopped.

"To disown us?" Regulus said.

"Exactly!" said Walburga, her eyes shining. "To disown us first!"

"Yes, you couldn't allow that," Regulus said.

He had learnt that repeating what his mother said was the best way to avoid catastrophe.

"Sirius Orion Black!" Walburga spat out the name, like poison.

She picked up the vintage glass decanter and gulped down the last dregs of firewhisky, cleaning her face with the back of her hand. Her hair was loosened and falling in disarray, her lipstick smeared despite the charm, her eyes red. She looked different. Regulus stepped away from her.

"Sirius Black is no son of mine! Tell the Dark Lord he has our permission to end him!"

Regulus stiffened and held his breath.

"Tell him that as far as I'm concerned, he is dead to me!" Walburga shouted, waving her arm wildly, as drops of firewhisky flew across the room and landed on Regulus' face.

Something inside Regulus that had been wound too tight snapped.

"Stop, stop, stop! Be quiet! Stop shouting! Stop it! Stop it! Shut the fuck up!" Regulus screamed, holding his hands over his ears tightly.

He kicked out against the table, overturning it, the bottles and glasses shattered onto the floor, he continued screaming at the top of his lungs, hands still covering his ears, lashing out with his legs. Walburga looked at him in horror, moving away from him, she had never seen him act like this before. He continued until his voice was hoarse and he was physically exhausted. His mother continued to stare at him.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Regulus said. "I am not talking to Lord Voldemort about my brother! So shut up! Shut the fuck up Mother! Leave me alone! Fuck off!"

He hurled a curse against the wall, shattering the ornate floor to ceiling mirror into thousands of shards of glass, one of which flew into the air and embedded itself into Walburga's arm. She flinched as blood began dripping down her arm. The sight of the blood seemed to shock Regulus from his extreme rage. He wrung his hands in agitation.

"I apologise for my behaviour, Mother," he said stiffly. "I'm going to bed now."

Walburga eyed him warily, watching him leave the room, all straight backed and formal once more, his facial expressions once more unreadable. She swayed slightly, her vision coming in and out of focus. She hiccupped and quickly hid her mouth with her hand.

"Morgana's hell!" she slurred, falling back onto the chaise longue and holding her arm over her face.

"Disgraceful behaviour!" she added, feeling conflicted.

She felt rather proud of her son, the strength of his anger made her hope perhaps he might yet live up to his full potential and become more like his father, more like what Orion had hoped Sirius would become.

"He was wasting his time and energy, trying to mould that vile traitor into a worthy heir!" she muttered wearily. "My poor Orion, my poor darling husband!"

…

"You called, Master Regulus?" Kreacher said, bowing low.

"Yes," Regulus' throat was raw, and he was trembling.

"Is everything alright?" the House Elf asked.

"No, it is not alright. At all. My Father may well have ended his life, my Mother wants me to tell Lord Voldemort to kill my brother, I am a trusted member of Lord Voldemort's inner circle and I despise every last one of them, I cannot contact my only brother because of an unbreakable vow my Father forced me to make, and there is absolutely nothing in my life that gives me any joy," Regulus said quietly, without a trace of emotion.

"I am very sorry, Master Regulus," Kreacher said, his voice full of pity.

"Thank you, Kreacher," Regulus said politely. "Please avoid Mother until the morning, she is in a mood and may well decapitate you otherwise. I advise you clean up the mess we made in the Green Living Room before breakfast time, and bring Mother one of Father's hangover elixirs along with her coffee. I apologise for the dastardly mess I made. I have no idea what happened me."

"I am quite sure it was nerves, Master Regulus. That, and grief," Kreacher said kindly, thanking his lucky stars once more that Regulus was so kind and respectful towards him.

"Yes, grief that I have lost my brother," Regulus said, his voice a hushed whisper. "I shall never forgive Father for forcing me to make that vow. Never. I hated him for it. And I shall never forgive him for lying to me, all these years. I wish he were still alive so I could say it to his face. I cannot lie, Kreacher, I think I loved him, but I do not think I shall miss him."

Kreacher looked at him uncomfortably. His loyalty to the Lord and Lady of the house and their youngest son were unwavering, and he despised Sirius.

"You may retire to bed, Kreacher," said Regulus.

"Thank you, Sir," Kreacher bowed low once more.

"Sir," Kreacher said, as he opened the door. "I believe that playing Edward Nott's piece on the pianoforte and reading that reference textbook on Ancient Runes does aid your mood?"

The muggle composition from Lupin and the muggle book from the Marauders…

"That is factually correct, Kreacher, thank you. I shall remember that for future reference," said Regulus.

His entire body felt suddenly wooden, and heavy, so heavy. The thought entered his head out of the blue – I wish I could contact Lupin or Potter and tell them I want out. He supposed he should have hated Potter for stealing his brother and replacing him. And he should have hated Lupin for bringing disgrace on his family. But he found he couldn't. Potter had saved Sirius from unjust and cruel treatment by his own parents, something he had never managed to do. And despite what he had been taught from a very young age, he could not recall one single fact that supported his parents' belief that homosexuality was wrong. And Lupin had behaved in a gentlemanly fashion at all times.

Facts, logic, truth and justice - these were desperately important to him and he was now realising that inside the walls of Grimmauld Place nobody else paid any heed to these values.

It would put them all in danger if Voldemort found out he was having second thoughts. He was so tired. He didn't want to try to sleep for fear of nightmares - his brother writhing under the Cruciatus Curse, his Father asking him to give him his hand. He opened up the heavy book and placed it on his lap. His eyes fell on the quote from Frodo.

"It must often be so, Sam, when things are in danger: some one has to give them up, lose them, so that others may keep them."

He shivered. He wondered was he destined to be like Frodo, one of the losers. And if so, who would he be saving? Would anyone miss him if he died?

…..

"Excellent work, Muciber," Voldemort smiled thinly.

"My Lord," Mulciber said, bowing low.

"The plans for the attack on the muggle Underground are now being finalised, Avery," Voldemort said, turning to look at the scared-looking man. "Speak to Malfoy about the deployment tactics."

"Y-yes, my Lord," said Avery, gulping and withdrawing rapidly.

Voldemort pursed his lips in distaste. He hated when his followers made it obvious that they were terrified of him. His eyes landed on Regulus Black, standing apart from the other men, looking at him attentively. He could see no trace of anxiety on his face.

"Regulus Black," he smiled, walking over to him. "Thank you for coming. My condolences. Your Father was a bastion of pureblood England and a very great man. His death is indeed a loss. You understand I was unable to attend the funeral today, too risky."

"Yes, thank you," Regulus answered in a monotone.

Voldemort smiled again briefly.

"Regulus, I feel I have underestimated you," he said, his unusual eyes boring into Regulus'.

"What?" said Regulus.

He sounded rude, unintentionally. A few of the other Death Eaters flinched.

"Never mind," Voldemort said.

He couldn't work out what kind of a man Regulus was. Was he an excellent liar? A cold-blooded, fearless killer, like his cousin Bellatrix?

"You don't mind if I practice my legilimency skills on you, Black, do you?" Voldemort said, smiling at Regulus indulgently and patting his shoulder.

"I would rather you did not, but it is not my decision, is it?" Regulus replied quietly.

Voldemort laughed good-humouredly.

"Precisely, Mr. Black," he murmured.

Without warning or incantation, his wand still in his pocket, he delved into Regulus' mind.

"How very, very curious," he whispered to himself after a time, raising his eyebrows. "Fascinating! Your mind is a blank, Mr. Black!"

"I say what I think, as a rule, Lord Voldemort," said Regulus.

"So, just now, are you telling me you were not thinking anything at all?" Voldemort asked. "You are either the greatest Occlumens I have ever met, or else you have an extraordinarily discreet mind,"

Voldemort shook his head in wonder.

"I have never studied Occlumency," Regulus said. "And I tried Legilimency once, but I was told I was abysmal at it."

"Wonderful, Black!" Voldemort gushed, taking him aside and guiding him to the opposite side of the room. "There may be things I wish to share with you, secrets, which I do not want relayed to anyone else. Do you think I could trust you with this information?"

"I don't talk to people unless I have to," Regulus said truthfully. "And I have never indulged in small talk in my entire life."

Regulus' facial expression gave away nothing. Voldemort's smile grew.

"I am very happy to hear that. Very happy indeed," he purred, his red rimmed eyes glowing brightly. "I shall visit you in Grimmauld Place, soon. Get rid of your mother when you receive my owl."

"And the house elf?" Regulus asked.

Voldemort's mouth twitched.

"Keep him there, he may prove… useful to me."

"Very well," Regulus replied.

"Excellent," Voldemort turned and smiled at his followers, and motioned towards the doors, where Lucius Malfoy had appeared, looking flustered. "Dinner is served, Malfoy?"

"Yes, of course, my Lord!" Lucius fixed a bright smile on his face and bowed his head. "Please, after you!"

Regulus followed, walking alone. He was astonished that the Dark Lord had been utterly unable to read his mind. He felt like he needed to sleep for a month. He was going to do something to hasten the downfall of Voldemort and his followers, but he had not yet come up with a plan. The thought of having to talk to these people for another two to three hours filled him dread.

"Talk to them about Quidditch, family ties, and schoolfriends from Hogwarts," he recalled his brother advising him, when he had baulked at attending a family dinner with the Sacred Twenty-Eight.

Regulus had a near-photographic memory, which was very useful when it came to pureblood Family Trees. He had enough information to get him through an hour of conversation about pureblood lines, ten minutes about Quidditch, and three questions about school friends. He wondered if it would be considered rude to leave in eighty-five minutes' time, with the excuse that he was very tired, which was true. He had no idea. People baffled him.

…..

"I don't like this one bit," Remus muttered, looking around the expansive library anxiously. "You should have stayed at home."

"Fuck off," Sirius said, busily running his fingers down various book spines, hoping for inspiration. "You know I need to be doing something to help, I told you already! You can't tell me what to do!"

Remus shook his head. Going on a dangerous mission the day of his father's funeral was surely a bad idea. Sirius was volatile at the best of times.

"I don't like Fabian not being here," said Sirius in a louder tone, glaring at Dearborn.

Remus locked eyes with him. They hadn't told Sirius that James had been forced to pull out of the mission in London, and was under Madam Pomfrey's care in Hogwarts – most likely hit by a nasty curse as he left the funeral. Fabian had been reassigned.

"It's fine, we don't need him, we'll be in and out in no time. Thirty minutes max and we pull out after that, regardless," Dearborn said curtly. "I've put a charm on the front door and corridor outside which will alert us if anyone is coming. Dumbledore said nobody is due back for a few hours."

"How will we know if someone arrives? What's the signal?" Remus asked, lifting out a thin black book.

The tip of Dearborn's wand flashed red three times, in rapid succession.

"That's the signal," said Dearborn, gripping his wand tightly. "Someone's here!"

….

Notes

 **Sturm und Drang** \- turbulent emotion or stress (which JKR used to come up with the name Durmstrang!)

 **Notes:**

Okay, I know... too long! Ugh, I tried to cut it down, I did... sorry! I might go back and edit a bit more but wanted it done for Elsa's birthday :0

Also, if you read my tumblr ( blitheringmcgonagall) you'll see that I headcanon Reg being on the autistic spectrum and that Voldemort can only use Legilimency on neurotypical people and basically cannot read his mind at all, which is why he thinks Reg is fully supportive of him... ( and Voldemort is a psychopath, and they're usually very charming and read social cues/people extremely well, like Tom Riddle in canon). Reg is my hero.


	39. London Calling

**Summary:**

Two dangerous Order Missions... tw: violence

 _ **Notes:**_

 _ **Happy Birthday to Maddie (on tumblr at nobothersgiventoday)! You are such a wonderful and supportive person and everyone on Jily Discord will agree with me about that! Happy Early Birthday (what? For once I am early - unbelievable!) I hope you have a wonderful day on the 25th, I won't have time to post anything then so posting this early. I'm sorry I didn't have time to write a separate fic but life is annoying atm! Lots of love xoxo**_

Chapter 39: London Calling

"This place is so pathetic, the Malfoy's are the biggest snobs," Sirius said, idly picking up a solid silver ashtray with the Malfoy's family crest on it.

He turned it around in his hand, his lip curling in disgust as he read the family motto. The design bore the colours black, green and silver, as well as images of six serpentine creatures. The Latin words Sanctimonia Vincet Semper were inscribed on a silver banner.

"Purity Will Always Conquer," Sirius read, his voice dripping disdain. "Fucking wankers, as bad as my godawful family!"

"Focus, Black!" said Dearborn sharply. "We're here to look for a book, not commenting on their interior design!"

Remus snorted quietly, looking up from his perusal of the enormous bookcase facing the fireplace. Sirius smiled at him, a flirty smile as he rolled his eyes towards Dearborn. Remus smiled back, he couldn't help it, Sirius looked so dashing, in his tight leather trousers and white shirt with the slightly puffed sleeves, and his silky hair carelessly falling onto his shoulders, like some sort of modern pirate lord.

"Quite a collection of romantic novels, and the only ones without a layer of dust on them," Remus said, cleverly diverting Dearborn's attention.

"Ah," said Sirius. "Narcissa, I bet! Lucius never reads anything aside from profit margins!"

"Some of them are rather racy," Remus said. "A few of them are written by muggles, I'm not sure if Narcissa is aware."

"Oh?" Sirius said, his eyes lighting up. "Any good?"

"Well, this one was banned when it first came out," Remus laughed, holding up a book. "Lady Chatterley's Lover, it's by a famous English muggle author, D.H. Laurence first published privately in 1928 in Italy, and only here in the UK in 1960. Lots of sex and then-unprintable four-letter words."

Remus raised his brow and winked at Sirius. He was rewarded by the rare sight of Sirius blushing slightly and lowering his eyes momentarily.

"Can we keep it?" Sirius asked, blinking with a fake innocence.

"Sirius Black, shut up!" Dearborn said, groaning loudly. "Just get back to work now, right?"

"Fine, fine," Sirius said, raising both his hands in mock defeat.

He slipped a small notebook out of his pocket (which he had stolen from Remus' collection) and a muggle cartridge pen (ditto) and scribbled something in it before turning back to Remus and smiling again.

"Keep looking, Pads, we don't have long," Remus ordered pleasantly.

Sirius grinned at him and immediately walked over to the opposite bookcase, causing Dearborn to stop.

"Really?" he huffed. "Why the hell do you only ever follow orders if it's Lupin giving them?"

"That'd be telling, Dearborn," Sirius smirked, licking his lips suggestively. "TMI…"

"Oh Merlin!" said Dearborn, turning away immediately. "I really don't want to know!"

Remus bit his lip to stop himself bursting into fits of laughter. He looked up at the ornate stuccos around the edges of the ceiling and around the central chandelier. There was something surreal about them. The intricacy of the design – roses and serpents and lizards and bats, all painted white. The bats in particular were odd, they were so detailed, the extruding eyelids and amber-coloured eyes, the snouty gold-tipped nostrils and pointed gold-tipped ears, the almost see-through whiteness. They reminded him of something. He shivered.

"Lupin!" Dearborn hissed.

"Sorry!" he said, turning back to the bookcase.

He frowned. There was another part of the bookcase where the thin layer of dust had been disturbed. He hunkered down, narrowing his eyes. A thin, black, leather-bound journal looked as though it had been securely wedged deep within, surrounded by large, imposing books with top-edge gilt. He stretched out his hand to grasp the book and paused, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. He could feel it, call it werewolf reflexes, or what he referred to as The Darkness Within, but somewhere he sensed the evil emanating from it, as though it were an electric spark zapping his fingers as they approached the danger zone.

"I think I found something," Remus said, hesitating. "It feels like Dark Magic."

"Be careful," Dearborn said immediately, throwing over a thick, black cloth bag covered in ancient runes. "Don't touch it, put it in this bag and seal it. We can add anything else we find as we go along."

"Thanks," Remus said, carefully lifting the book out using his jumper sleeve and placing it gingerly inside the bag.

The book seemed to resist being removed. Remus wondered had he disturbed a secret spell. Or worse, a curse? Just his luck to set off a silent alarm and bring in the enemy. He looked over at Sirius, pouring over an array of potentially cursed books casually, as though he were bored and trying to entertain himself in the library at Hogwarts while Remus was trying to study. He had a look of deep concentration on his face, however, which Remus had never seen in said library. He wanted his dashing, turbulent, handsome boyfriend out of this place, away from any potential danger. His boyfriend who was openly flirting and acting as though this was any old boring day in a muggle office.

"I don't like this one bit," Remus muttered, looking around the expansive library anxiously. "You should have stayed at home."

"Fuck off," Sirius said, busily running his fingers down various book spines, hoping for inspiration. "You know I need to be doing something to help, I told you already! You can't tell me what to do!"

Remus shook his head. Going on a dangerous assignment the day of his father's funeral was surely a bad idea. Sirius was volatile at the best of times.

"I don't like Fabian not being here," said Sirius in a louder tone, glaring at Dearborn.

Remus locked eyes with Dearborn. They hadn't told Sirius that James had been forced to pull out of the mission to London, and was under Madam Pomfrey's care in Hogwarts – most likely hit by a nasty curse as he left the funeral. Fabian had been reassigned.

"It's fine, we don't need him, we'll be in and out in no time. Thirty minutes max and we pull out after that, regardless," Dearborn said curtly. "I've put a spell on the front door and corridor outside which will alert us if anyone is coming. Dumbledore said nobody is due back for a few hours."

"How will we know if someone arrives? What's the signal?" Remus asked, lifting out a thin white book.

The tip of Dearborn's wand flashed red three times, in rapid succession.

"That's the signal," said Dearborn, gripping his wand tightly. "Someone's here!"

"The bloody breach again…" muttered Sirius to himself, whipping round to stare at the doors, wand in hand.

"Stand behind me!" ordered Dearborn grimly. "Either side of the room, now! Malfoy Manor has anti-apparition wards."

"Wonderful," Remus said, as he raced to the opposite corner. He looked dangerous, a spell ready on the tip of his tongue.

"As soon as they enter, I cast a Confundo," ordered Dearborn, as footsteps hastened towards them. "Join me if there are three or less of them, otherwise Lupin you cast a Tenebris, Black cast Expelliarmus, and we-"

Just as they heard someone rattle the doorknob, a swooshing sound of wings made them whirl around as a colony of white, bat-like creatures detached themselves from the stuccoed ceiling, descending at top speed towards each of the three men. None of them had time to stop the aerial assault, Dearborn flinging his arm out to deflect the red-eyed animals, Remus pointing his wand at them and Sirius successfully grabbing one with his bare hands. Within a split second, numerous creatures had found their targets, fang-like teeth biting into their necks. And all faded.

….

"I'm going to need to tell Pads, before he finds out from someone else, that Reg is now fighting, an active Death Eater," James said, still shivering violently.

He looked drawn and still feverish despite the high dose of Febricitantem potion that Pomfrey had bullied him into drinking.

"Are you sure?" Lily asked, her brow furrowing with concern. "I'm not sure he can deal with more bad news about his family at the moment."

James shook his head, his eyes glassy.

"I'm sure," he said. "It would be a hell of a lot worse if he finds out on duty. Imagine if it was during a mission? He could get himself killed, by lashing out or by getting distracted."

Lily sighed.

"You're right, James, you know Sirius so well," she said, holding his shaking hand gently. "I'm sure you're right. It just, it feels so…"

"So hard," said James, his voice wavering a little as he cleared his throat to hide it. "He's been through enough, for fuck's sake."

Lily swallowed hard and nodded, her eyes filling up. She leaned down and wiped the beads of sweat from his brow, then kissed his forehead tenderly. She began fixing the pillows behind his head, then moved on to smooth the sheets in front of him, her hands resting over his chest for a beat. James' eyes lit up a little bit.

"Merlin, if I'd known in Fifth Year that I was going to end up married to you, with you fussing over me in the Infirmary like a super-hot angel, I'd have died of happiness!" James said, the smallest of smiles on his lips.

Lily smacked James on the arm.

"Ouch!" he said.

"No talking about dying, thank you!" she said, pursing her lips together.

"If I'd known in Third Year that I was going to end up with a Mc Gonagall look-alike, I'd have died of happiness," he said, his hazel eyes mischievously regarding her.

"Fuck you, Potter, it's not even funny!" Lily said, crossing her arms irately.

"It is a bit, Mrs. Potter," he smirked.

Lily rolled her eyes and turned away to hide her smile.

"Look after yourself tonight, alright, Lily?" James said, his voice serious once more.

"Of course I'll be alright, you gorgeous idiot," she said, going back over to him and kissing him on the lips. "There's nothing to worry about, Remus and Sirius will be back by midnight at the latest, the rest of us back before dawn, and you can talk to your brother tomorrow when you're both feeling a bit stronger, yeah?"

"Yeah," James said, sinking back gratefully onto the pillows and regarding his beautiful wife with concern. "I just wanted to be there with you. I hate not knowing where you are or what's happening."

"We'll have Dumbledore with us," Lily said reassuringly.

"Thanks Merlin! I'm the luckiest man alive," he said, smiling and closing his eyes, feeling suddenly exhausted again.

Lily looked at her husband, exhausted both physically and emotionally.

"No, we're lucky to have you," Lily said softly, sinking down into the metal chair next to his bed and transfiguring it into a cosy rocking chair. She was hoping to have a snooze before the mission. "Now go to sleep Mr. Potter!"

"Is that an order, ma'am?" James said, looking at her suggestively.

"Absolutely, Mr. Potter," she said firmly.

…..

"This should wake him," a voice said.

Dearborn spluttered and opened his eyes in shock as what felt like a bucket of freezing cold water was dumped on top of him.

"Ah, Professor Dearborn, how nice of you to join us again."

Dearborn grimaced and looked over at Remus and Sirius, all three of them magically tethered to chairs in the Malfoy's sitting room. There were four of Voldemort's men in the room, all wearing Death-Eater masks. Carrow (for he recognised his voice) now pointed his wand at Sirius and Remus and uttered the same spell, they both appeared to waken from their stupor, coughing violently and gasping for air.

"Finally. Who do we have here? If it isn't our two lovely ex-classmates, Black and Lupin. What luck! Turned into petty thieves, have we?"

Sirius groaned. He felt as though he had drunk a truckload of firewhisky. Probably a side -effect of the bat poison. But that wasn't what was making him feel nauseous.

"Ugh, you? Fucking wonderful," he spat, glaring at Carrow with undisguised hatred.

Carrow laughed with delight, twirling the wand around in his hand.

"What fun," he answered Sirius.

Remus looked on impassively, trying to keep his expression neutral, as Carrow smiled at him behind his mask.

"Lupin, looking as sickly as ever," he said. "Ran out of money, did you?"

"Yes," said Remus, looking at him calmly.

"Huh?" Carrow looked taken aback.

"We ran out of money, Carrow," he sighed, painfully aware that while he was lying to Carrow, this was in fact the truth, he was penniless.

Sirius wanted to kiss Remus. Classic bloody clever Moony, he thought.

"Don't give me that shit!" said Carrow, looking irate, and slapping his wand onto the palm of his hand.

"It's all very well for you, Carrow," Sirius burst in, concerned that Carrow looked like he might throw a curse at Remus at any minute. "Some of us are unemployed, sick or disowned, so yeah, stealing some pointless rubbish from snob of the century Lucius Wanker Malfoy is not so unbelievable, you rich bollocks!"

Carrow looked at Dearborn and laughed.

"He's a Professor in Hogwarts," he began.

"No, he was Professor of DADA, but as you know, that job is cursed, and he can't return to his old post in the Ministry, so he is currently unemployed," Remus said, looking at Dearborn apologetically.

"It's true," said Dearborn, doing a good impression of appearing mortified.

"Rubbish," scoffed Carrow, walking over towards Sirius.

"Prick! I'm supposed to survive on what, exactly?" Sirius sneered, looking up at him with a bored expression. "My dead uncle left me a flat, not a fucking vault in Gringott's! Remus is too unwell to hold down a post. Dearborn's pretty good at stealing, got us a vintage Chinese cauldron worth six months' salary. We were just replenishing our stores. Lucius wouldn't even have missed anything, he's got so much clutter here, it's so nouveau riche. Ghastly taste!"

Carrow was clearly confused now, staring at Sirius with a hostile air.

"What exactly were you trying to steal then?" he asked.

Sirius shrugged, flicking his hair back.

"We hadn't decided. I mean everything is in such bad taste I was feeling unwell at the prospect of touching it, let alone pawning it off in a shop as though I would ever own anything so crass and frankly vulgar!" Sirius shuddered dramatically. "I had practically reconciled myself to stealing the ashtray, with difficulty, it offends my aesthetic, obviously, until I saw the bullshit pureblood motto festooning it. Ugh! Even a thief has to have a bottom line."

Remus stared at Sirius in awe. Well fuck me, he thought, I'm half tempted to believe his bullshit myself!

"I disagree," he said, with feigned anger, looking at Sirius. "A few of those solid silver decorations would have easily kept us going for a few months at least, and we would have been out of here before this lot showed up and not facing questioning by Moody and his men!"

"You've no taste, Remus," Sirius' eyes flashed with enjoyment for a split second. "I won't stoop to that level. To think my own relatives are so ostentatious and lacking in good taste is bad enough. I draw the line at allowing such hideous trinkets to be seen in my vicinity! What do you take me for, a fool?"

"Yes, obviously," snorted Remus, rolling his eyes.

"Alright! Cut it out you two!"

Sirius held his breath momentarily, recognising the voice, as a well-built man stepped into his line of vision.

"Rabastan," Sirius said, recovering his composure. "What joy."

Rabastan Lestrange glanced at him briefly, before turning to Carrow.

"Search them," he ordered.

"Nothing on Dearborn," the third man said, moving over to Sirius.

His voice and gait were unrecognisable. The fourth man was standing guard by the doors.

"Technical difficulties?" Sirius jeered, as the man struggled to check his tight pockets. "Would you like a hand?"

"Accio fundas*!" Carrow said irritably, pointing his wand at Sirius.

"What the fuck?" Carrow said, staring at the notebook and pen in his hands.

Sirius shrugged again.

Carrow flicked the notebook open.

"Moony is fucking hot today – reminder for later.

Lady Chatterley's Lover – smut, get.

Dearborn is an arse," he read out.

Sirius shrugged again, looking entertained.

"I take notes when we're pilfering," he said. "To-do lists."

He looked annoyingly nonchalant, despite being restrained by thick magical rope, almost languid in the way his body reclined in its current position.

"That's not a to-do list," Carrow shot back angrily.

"Well, two thirds of it is, old chap," said Sirius pleasantly, winking at Remus.

Remus snorted despite himself.

"Dearborn is an arse, fact," Sirius said, raising his eyebrows at Remus, with a wide smile. "It galls me to have to work with him but… needs must. It helps control my temper, writing it down, rather than telling him. He doesn't seem to appreciate my honest feedback."

"Shut up, Black," said Dearborn.

He had never before experienced such positive feelings towards his vexing ex-student. But he could tell that the Death-eaters were becoming increasingly impatient. It was bound to get ugly quickly. He had been in situations like this before, and lucky to live to tell the tale. Maybe his time was up now. He certainly wasn't ready to watch two kids barely out of school, kids he had helped recruit, be tortured to death.

"Lestrange, I presume you recall Fawley's death?" he said quietly.

Rabastan Lestrange whirled around, a look of astonishment on his face.

"Yes?" he hissed. "Despicable act. Got ambushed by a bunch of Auror traitors and died defending his-"

"Et cetera, et cetera," said Dearborn, looking collected. "I was there. I know."

Rabastan's mouth fell open.

"You?" he spluttered.

"You'll pay for that, Dearborn!" shouted Carrow. "He was my cousin!"

"My cousin too," Dearborn said, not losing his composure. "He attacked an innocent group of muggle students. The Auror department sent us to investigate, we had to intervene. Lucky we arrived when we did."

"Stupefy!" screamed Carrow, hitting Caradoc with a strong blue charm.

"He's out cold, what the fuck was that about, Carrow?" snarled Rabastan. "You wait for my orders before you act, imbecile!"

"I wanted to save him for later, for when the Dark Lord arrives?" Carrow said, looking mutinous.

"No more off-the-cuff decisions, or there will be consequences," Lestrange said through his teeth. "Long-term consequences. You understand?"

Carrow nodded and muttered something incomprehensible.

In the commotion, the Death-Eaters had forgotten to search the bag with the black book, and Sirius hoped to keep it that way. The bag lay on the ground, thrown aside and now camouflaged by the ornate couch which was of a similar black velvet finish. Unfortunately, Lestrange had moved and was now regarding Remus with scorn.

"Who do you think you are, invading the home of a respected pureblood?" he said, grabbing hold of Remus' jaw and making him wince. "You're a half-blood, that's a disgrace, how dare you! Have you forgotten who your elders and betters are? Do we need to teach you a lesson?"

"Honestly, Lestrange old chap, you're being frightfully mutton-headed about this, you know," Sirius sighed, valiantly keeping the panic out of his voice and sounding every inch the bored, spoilt heir. "We desperately needed some dosh, cousin Malfoy is loaded, it's that simple."

Carrow looked at him with confusion.

"Why didn't you go to Gringott's, like everyone else, and ask for a loan?" he said irritably.

"Excellent point, Carrow, my man, excellent point!" said Sirius, looking delighted at the opportunity to weave a pretty lie. "Why indeed? Well, let me explain. I tried, on more than a dozen occasions! But that damned Ragnok refused to agree to my reasonable request, all because I couldn't give him a family guarantor, and-"

"Carrow, you're an incompetent idiot," Rabastan interrupted, looking angry. "That one is lying through his teeth!"

He moved his head vaguely in Sirius' direction. Sirius swallowed. He knew by the look on Lestrange's face that he wasn't buying it for one second. Time for plan B…

"They have no idea what to call me, Voldy's little snakes," smirked Sirius, looking at Remus. "To call me Black would disgust them no end, implying I'm in some way related to them. To call me Sirius implies we're chummy, which is so far off-"

"Shut up, Black!" Rabastan cried, his face growing red as he walked over to Sirius and hit him hard across the face.

The chair Sirius was sitting on lurched and settled down again unsteadily.

"Ah, I was wondering how long it would take you to resort to violence," Sirius said, laughing despite the blow. "Your vocabulary is singularly limited."

Remus glared at Sirius. What was he doing, antagonising these men? He wanted to throttle him.

"Shut up, Black!" hissed Carrow, gritting his teeth.

"Well, Rabastan is definitely thicker than Rodolphus," Sirius said flippantly, looking Rabastan straight in the eye. "Although they're both stunningly stupid, obviously, like all these inbred bigots."

The silence in the room was deafening. Remus locked eyes with Sirius, fuming.

"Shut up!" he mouthed. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Right, playtime is over," Rabastan said grimly, zeroing in on Sirius exclusively. "We don't let anyone steal from us, and we especially don't like it when people like you, traitors, lie to us. It's not tolerated, Black, and you know it!"

"You don't say, Raggle Taggle, old thing? Merlin, I'm terrified out of my wits," Sirius said, with more disdain than was physically possible.

"Fuck you!" said Carrow, aggressively moving to stand in front of Sirius. "You traitor!"

"You're so boring, Carrow," said Sirius, sighing loudly. "Same pathetic lines all the time. Traitor to what? Your scumbag supremacist ideas? Your murderous rampages? As for your homicidal maniac of a leader, don't even-"

Carrow lunged forwards and wrapped his hands around Sirius' throat tightly.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up," he screamed, overcome with rage.

Remus watched Sirius' pupils dilate rapidly, as the other man continued strangling him.

"Fucking coward," Sirius managed to rasp with what little air he had left.

"Stop it!" he screamed. "You'll kill him!"

Carrow laughed manically and continued squeezing Sirius' throat even tighter.

"That was the plan!" he said.

"Regulus will kill you if you murder his brother!" Remus cried.

Rabastan placed a hand on Carrow's arm in warning.

"Enough," he said in a low voice. "Regulus Black has given instruction not to have this bastard killed yet. He is under the impression that he could still be convinced to change sides."

"Seems highly unlikely!" Carrow hissed, refusing to let go.

"The Dark Lord has agreed to his request, for the time being," Rabastan said, gripping Carrow's shoulder with force.

Carrow immediately let go of Sirius' throat, causing Sirius to stop thrashing about and gasp for air, coughing and spluttering. Remus heaved a sigh of relief, feeling lightheaded with fear. Dearborn was still unconscious beside them. Rabastan pushed Carrow out of the way and stood in front of the gasping prisoner.

"Reg was always shit at reading people," Sirius' hoarse voice was hard to understand, but the tone of it wasn't. Defiance and loathing.

"The dark Lord did not forbid us from torturing you, however," Rabastan said, smiling and eying his wand maliciously.

"I'd rather that than listening to your mindless drivel!" Sirius spat out.

"Happy to oblige," Rabastan gloated, placing his wand on Sirius' forehead.

Sirius stared back, undeterred.

"You're still fucking talking?" he complained. "Can you at least try some wordless magic? Your bullshit offends my ears."

Rabastan looked furiously at him before pressing the wand down deep enough to draw blood.

"Crucio!" Rabastan said.

He knew what to expect. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw tightly, refusing to open his mouth as strangled sounds begged to be released. He bit his cheeks tasting blood. The pain was unbearable, and time seemed to stand still. Eventually he felt himself drifting into unconsciousness and his mouth opened involuntarily, of its own accord, his cracked voice breaking finally into a long scream till he passed out. When he came to, he could hear Carrow and Lestrange laughing at him.

"Pathetic," he heard Carrow jeer, as he grabbed a fistful of hair and slapped Sirius across the face repeatedly. "Fainted in record time, lol!"

"Stop it!" he heard Remus' voice shouting. "Leave him alone, you bastards!"

Remus sounded angrier than Sirius had ever heard him, and hoarse, as though he had been screaming for some time.

"Shut up with your bawling!" yelled Carrow, aiming his wand at Remus just as Sirius opened his eyes.

He had watched Remus being attacked by Malum before, and seen the torture of his monthly transformations, and he would rather die than have to watch anyone try to harm him again.

"Pathetic wanker," Sirius rasped, his own voice hardly audible. "Look at you, you're a nobody, Rabastan's lackey, his little bitch, his-"

Carrow forgot about Remus completely as he lifted his wand, apoplectic with rage and practically unable to speak.

"Terebro**!" he screamed at Sirius furiously, flicking his arm repeatedly in a frenzy.

Each time the spell hit him, Sirius felt as though an iron bar had collided with his body. He heard the crunch of broken bones on multiple occasions as the streams of light moved rapidly, hitting his ribs, arms, eye socket, cheekbone and legs. As the spell hit him under the ribcage the pain stabbed him particularly hard, that was definitely an internal organ that wasn't made to withstand such force. His face went grey and he groaned silently, feeling everything growing dark again, Carrow's screams echoing louder, then fading rapidly.

"You're going to kill him! Your orders were not to kill him, leave him alone!" he heard Remus sobbing, before darkness took him.

….

"Sirius, Sirius!" Remus voice sounded so far away.

It was soothing though. He loved his Moony. He kept his eyes closed, feeling himself drifting off into unconsciousness again.

"Sirius, please, say something," Remus' urgent whisper made him feel sorry for him.

He sounded like someone trying not to cry.

"S'fine, Moony," he slurred, trying to open his eyelids, which appeared to have swollen up.

"Shit, Pads, you look…" Remus' voice trembled with fear.

"Hot?" Sirius supplied helpfully, with the tiniest of whispers.

"Hot? HOT?" Remus' voice was a choked laugh. "You look like shit, Pads. Fuck."

"Rude!" Sirius mumbled inaudibly. "Uncalled for…"

He could hear Remus sniffing, as though he was still crying.

"Fucking hell, Sirius, you nearly got yourself killed there. What the fuck came over you? I swear to Merlin if we make it out of here I'm going to bloody murder you myself, how dare you do that, I thought I lost you, you bastard! Fuck! Dearborn is unconscious and he's possibly in more immediate danger than we are if Voldemort gets here. They stepped out for a break, but they'll be back soon."

Sirius nodded. It was too difficult to talk. He was finding it hard to breath and the pain in his side was unbearable. He bit his lip.

"Sorry," he rasped. "Lapse of judgement… typical Padfoot…"

"You knew exactly what you were doing, Merlin's sake!" Remus said, looking at Sirius in panic. "I don't know what to do, I need to get you out of here!"

He wanted to scream with frustration. He had no wand, and two invalids to think of. He struggled against the cords, all his will bent on snapping them as he strained his muscles against them.

…..

James woke up with a start, and sat bolt upright in bed, heart racing. It was completely dark. He cursed his stupid eyesight and groped blindly for his wand.

"Lumos!" he muttered.

He stared anxiously at his watch. Two in the morning. Where was everyone?

"Poppy?" he called out aloud, knowing he was the only patient in the Infirmary.

Poppy's small figure hurried over after a minute, lighting the bedside lamps with a flick of her wrist and wordless magic.

"What's happening?" he said.

"What do you mean?" Poppy frowned.

"Are Dearborn and the boys back yet?" he said.

Poppy shook her head.

"No," she admitted, looking at him with a grim expression. "They were due back hours ago. We got word from London, a Patronus from Albus - the situation in the muggle's Under the Ground is not under control yet, and the Or- er, our people are not expected back for some time. Minerva is worried too, she left for London some hours ago."

James look away fretfully. He was worried about Lily and Peter and the others, now Minnie too, as well as the three in Malfoy Manor.

"That's not right, something must have happened. Dearborn is usually very punctual, he doesn't hang around," he said, running his hand through his hair distractedly.

"You could wait till Albus and the others are back?" Poppy said, folding her arms. "You're certainly not fit to go anywhere tonight, that's for sure."

"We can't wait that long," James said, shivering violently and standing up.

"What are you doing, James Fleamont Potter?" said Poppy, looking both exasperated and resigned.

"I'm going to Malfoy Manor," James said. "I'm not a student, Poppy, you can't stop me."

He pointed his wand at the large sash window. How many times had they sneaked into the Infirmary to be with Remus after the full moon, or ended up admitted there after a fight with Snivellus and his mates?

"Expecto Patronum!" he said confidently.

"Who are you calling?" Poppy asked anxiously.

"Backup," he said simply.

…..

"Watch out!" Lily shouted at Peter, as she pushed him out of the way and a pile of rubble crashed down right beside him, missing him by inches.

"Are you alright?" she said, coughing as dust, cement and smoke filled the air.

"Not really," Peter said, trembling.

"Hang on!" Lily said, making a dash for it and narrowly avoiding a flash of green light.

"Merlin, Lily! You're going to get yourself killed!" Peter yelped, his heart hammering with agitation. "James would kill me if anything happens to you!"

"You're not my keeper, Peter!" Lily said, looking annoyed.

Despite her dishevelled appearance, she looked in control.

"We've got them cornered now," she said, covering her mouth with her hand. "Three of them have apparated already. The rest of them are all retreating into this corner of the station."

Holburn tube station was a disaster zone, sirens screaming, red lights flashing, people running and trying to get away from the fire and injured people being carried to safety by muggle paramedics and London Fire Brigade staff, as well as police. Most of the muggles who Lily heard talking thought that a gas leak had caused an explosion. Aurors were there too, some fighting with the Death-Eaters and some trying to obliviate the muggles who had seen too much. She had just seen a huge lump of concrete detach itself from the wall and crush two Death-Eaters who had been too busy casting Avada Kedavras to notice. Peter had nearly suffered a similar fate.

"Who were they? Did you recognise them?" she asked, looking back at the pair of black shoes sticking out from under the debris. They looked pathetic and small and poignant now, even if the same people had been trying to curse her to death a few minutes before. Their voices had sounded so young.

"I don't give a shit who they were, bastards!" coughed Peter. "Why? Are you worried it could have been Snape?"

"What?" Lily looked at Peter in shock and feeling her mouth go dry. "Why do you say that?"

"Who cares about Snape?" Peter snapped. "What's it to you if he's dead anyway? You weirdo!"

She couldn't stand Snape now, but somewhere inside him was also the boy who had been her friend…

"Lily!" Peter's voice cut through her thoughts, sounding angry and terrified. "Lily!"

"Gods, sorry Peter!" Lily said, tearing her eyes away at last. "Let's follow the others down."

Dumbledore, Moody and the others had moved further underground, pursuing the main group of Death-Eaters. She moved quietly towards the escalators which were now stationary, hunkering down with her sleeve covering her face.

"Come on!" she said. "Throw on the cloak and follow me!"

Peter hesitated momentarily and then relented, disappearing immediately. As they crept down the stairs, they could hear curses and counter-curses echoing already, as well as the sound of blasting masonry, and the water pipes of the London Fire Brigade. The Aurors and Order members had managed to place themselves between the Death-Eaters and the unsuspecting muggles.

"This is a mess," muttered Lily, surveying the scene.

She was proving herself a very fast learner. She quickly divided the area into three main battles – Dumbledore, Moody and two Aurors were fighting a group of fifteen Death-Eaters (all of whom seemed very experienced) and gaining the upper hand; Aberforth, Hagrid and Edgar Bones were exchanging fire with a smaller group of Death Eaters who seemed much less competent and they were also winning; finally the rest of the Order were involved in what liked like a very lethal battle against at least twenty Death-Eaters. It was to this group that Lily turned.

"Fucking typical," muttered Peter under his breath.

"What did you say?" Lily hissed back. "I can't hear you."

Peter shook his head, momentarily forgetting he was under the cloak, and followed behind, silently cursing Lily Evans.

Lily whispered a disillusionment spell over herself and crawled as fast as she could, her hair tied back in a tight ponytail. Benjy Fenwick and Hestia Jones looked to be particularly in trouble, they were being cursed from every angle and had narrowly avoided the killing curse on numerous occasions in the space of a few minutes. If she cursed the Death Eaters, she'd immediately draw them towards herself. Benjy shouted out a warning as Hestia lurched sideways, falling onto the ground with a groan, blood pouring from a cut on her chest.

"Fuck it!" Lily said.

She had read somewhere that bravery was not recklessly putting yourself in danger for no good reason, but being willing to do so if you had no other options and it was the right thing to do.

She raised her wand and with pinpoint precision aimed at the high arch directly above the Death Eaters.

"Expulso!" Lily said firmly.

The resultant explosion terrified the Death-Eaters, scattering them. She jumped and landed beside Benjy and Hestia's hiding spot. She heard a cry (probably one of the enemy wounded) and then another one, the second cry definitely one of rage.

"Avada Kedavra!" the shrill voice echoed.

Just in time Benjy reached out and hurled Lily behind the wall, practically into Hestia's arms.

"What the fuck?" said Lily, brushing the dust and dirt off herself and hastily untangling herself from the other woman.

"Hey, listen, it was that or goodbye sweetheart!" said Hestia, wincing and shrugging.

"Gosh, sorry Hestia!" Lily said, taking in the cut on Hestia's shoulder.

She muttered a healing spell and taking a deep breath, she peeked out from behind the wall. Immediately a spell flew past her, missing her by a fraction.

"Holy shit!" Lily said, her heart hammering, head falling back against the cold concrete. "That was a bit close."

Hestia laughed, a low, bitter tone and bit her lip as she assessed the damage to her shoulder and chest.

"Welcome to my world," she said. "It's been a nightmare since we got here."

Lily nodded, catching her breath. She wished Peter was nearby so she could send him as Wormtail to figure out where the Death-Eaters had gone. She knelt down and looked out carefully. There was no sign of him. Benjy was leaning against the wall opposite them, taking a drink from his hipflask. From the grimace followed by relaxed sighing she could tell it was not pumpkin juice.

"Mood," she snorted quietly.

She really wanted a drink now. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the Death-Eaters regrouping and closing in on their position. They were now effectively cut off from the others, due to the collapsed wall. It would take someone with powers like Voldemort or Dumbledore to move the debris with a spell. She counted them, twelve in total.

"Four each," she huffed, blowing upwards to move a tendril of hair off her face. "We can do that. I hope they don't start to apparate around the place."

Apparition in a collapsing building was usually a death sentence. She hoped some of them would choose to apparate home.

"Benjy, Hestia!" she called out, casting a Muffliato. "We've got company."

"Fucking brilliant," Benjy groaned, as he squinted out, trying to spot the enemy through the smoke and dust.

"Honestly, not surprised," Hestia grumbled. "They seem to be coming out of the woodwork today!"

"Twelve of them," Lily said, seeing Benjy's face, she could tell he was exhausted.

"We'll be fine," she added, giving him a reassuring smile.

Benjy didn't look okay. He was very brave and intelligent in his tactics, but he wasn't a natural when it came to fighting (like Hestia), and yet here he was. She respected him even more for being there.

"Right," Hestia said, rolling up her sleeves with a grim expression. "If at all possible, try to avoid any more exploding brickwork, we're running out of cover. Also only use Fumos Duo*** if you have no other options, there are too many of them and they could be on top of us before we know it if we can't spot them approaching."

Lily nodded.

"You take the left-hand side, Benjy you're right, and I'll take the middle trio," she said, her wand poised.

"Copy that," said Benjy, grinning at her.

Lily grinned back, she loved the muggle banter between them at Order meetings, there was nothing quite as satisfying as seeing the confused and slightly jealous looks from Sirius and James as the half-bloods and muggles spoke in their own "fucking private lingo".

Suddenly all hell broke loose. Lily wasn't even sure what spell hit them, but all she knew was that one second she was talking to Benjy and the next there was a loud bang, and a huge force pulled her off her feet and she felt herself soaring into the air and then propelled at speed. She managed to hold onto her wand and screamed "Arresto Momentum!" as her body smashed into a wall and she lost consciousness.

When she woke up, she felt limp, like a ragdoll. She tried to move unsuccessfully. Panicking she strained to move with all her strength. She looked up and caught her breath as she saw a number of Death-Eaters staring down at her, unmoving. She was definitely under a spell, Immobilus most likely, but it was wearing off.

The first one she saw was watching her closely, in a way that made her shiver. A second Death-Eater muttered something, and she felt the pain in her back and neck and arms fade a little, and the aching crunch of bones being remodelled. She was incredibly lucky that she hadn't bashed her head against the wall earlier. She hoped she only had whiplash to deal with. Looking down at her right arm she could see a deep cut that ran from her elbow, down the back of her forearm to her wrist.

"Fix this!" the second Death-Eater said quietly, turning to the first man.

"Vulnera Sanentur!" the first Death-Eater said.

She recognized his voice immediately and gasped, locking eyes with him. Dark eyes stared back at her, devoid of emotion. The third Death-Eater seemed incensed.

"Why in Morgana's hell are you curing this mudblood bitch?" Walden Macnair said, pulling off his mask and aiming his wand at Lily.

Lily froze. Showing your face was not something the other side did unless they were planning on killing you. Lily had seen this man before, he had nearly managed to kill her a few months ago, cornered her in an alley booby-trapped with anti-apparition wards in the middle of a battle and thrown off his mask, laughing wildly as she desperately tried to find her wand, until he was standing right in front of her with an evil grin. She had punched him in the face. And then Hagrid, fucking bless him, had materialised beside them and sent Macnair flying into the wall, knocking him out cold while shouting something about the man being a maniac. Was her ex best friend going to save her?

The second Death-Eater did not reply, but quietly aimed his wand at Macnair and murmured a spell. Macnair's body seemed to relax and then straighten up again.

"What did you say? What happened?" Macnair asked, slurring his words.

"Nothing," he said, his voice barely audible.

"My brain hurts," Walden said, rubbing his temples.

"Go home, the matter is well in hand," Snape, the first Death-Eater, said. "You've suffered a minor head injury."

As the sound of someone apparating filled the air, the second Death-Eater turned.

"Be careful, she could have died there," he whispered.

"No, she's fine! She's completely fine!" Snape said, with agitation.

AS he kept repeating to himself, Potter wasn't going to survive this war, he was too stupid. Brawn over brains. But he was going to get out of this war alive, he could feel it, and so was Lily. He was being so careful, so meticulously careful in everything. He was accepting all the requests (technically orders) for combat duty that Voldemort and Bellatrix had sent him. He was pleased at the fact that Voldemort obviously favoured him enough to allow him join his chosen inner circle. His potions had won him favour with the Dark Lord and over the past six months had disposed of a number of "inconvenient" high-ranking civil servants at various Ministry Departments. Those who had refused to cooperate with Lucius Malfoy's polite but insistent requests to join their side, and then subsequently refused to cave in the face of Rabastan Lestrange's explicit threats. He had played his part while always keeping a low profile and avoiding attention. If they lost the war, he had a good chance of not being on the wanted list and escaping Azkaban. But finding Lily here? That was a shock. She was in a battle with Dumbledore's crew. He had duelled Black and Potter on numerous occasions since leaving Hogwarts (and hurled vicious curses their way each time, delighted that the bastards didn't even know he was there). But despite always keeping a watchful eye for any slim red-heads, he had genuinely believed she was better than this. He was sure she had enrolled to become an apprentice Healer.

What on earth had Potter done, that malignant manipulative bastard, making her join some sort of bogus resistance group? He was incensed. He would never have allowed Lily to fight. He would have forced her to stay out of the war, get her career on track, publish articles in the most illustrious international Healer's journals such as the BMJ (Beati Medicinae Juctim)**** and he would figure out how to keep Voldemort on side if they won. When they won.

"Why did you do that?" Snape asked, looking at the other man suspiciously.

He needed the man to think he did not fully approve of his behaviour, but respected his decision.

"Tactical decision," the second Death-Eater said. "The Dark Lord still hopes that Sirius Black will join his side, I am determined to make it so, and killing his best friend's wife will derail my plan."

"You mean his sister-in-law," Snape couldn't hold back the sneer in his voice.

He wasn't sure why he liked riling Regulus Black, knowing what he had just said was bound to upset him. The other man stared back blankly, giving nothing away.

"Yes," Regulus (the second Death-Eater) said finally.

"We, er, we probably should modify her memory?" Snape's voice dropped.

He didn't like the idea of Lily seeing him here.

"Yes," Regulus said, without hesitation. "Obliviate!"

Lily shut her eyes tightly, willing herself to resist the spell. She waited, feeling nothing, as a current of air rippled past her cheek, missing her. He must have missed on purpose. She relaxed.

"There," Regulus said, pocketing his wand. "Severus, we ought to go, the others are all leaving, the tide has turned against us."

Snape nodded, looking distracted.

"Yes, yes," he said. "I'll follow you shortly.

"The Dark Lord does not like to be kept waiting!"

It was clear that Regulus wanted Severus to leave with him.

"In a second," Snape said, trying to hide his impatience.

As soon as he was alone, he turned to look at Lily, lying there unconscious. He wanted to hold her, to tell her he loved her, that he would always wait for her, and run his fingers through her flaming hair and touch her full lips and feel her soft skin and tell her that she would be his, not Potter's, some day…

He leaned over her.

"Lily," he whispered, caressing her hair with one hand and touching her cheek with the other, his face moving closer to hers. "I will always love you, al-"

Lily's eyes flew open, her pale face furious, and Snape fell back, letting out a high-pitched squeal at the unexpected sight.

"Ugh! You're... ugh, gross!" Lily's hoarse voice shuddered, sounding disgusted.

Before he had a chance to decide how to reply, there was a loud crack and she apparated away from Holburn Station, a string of furious curse words hanging in the air.

…

James looked up at Malfoy Manor, looking splendid in its eerie isolation, a few spooked peacocks making harsh noises as they flutter past, conspicuous in their whiteness. The "owwwowww" sounded like a small child in distress, and James had nearly jumped out of his skin when he first heard it. Having circled the property, he could see two large windows on the first floor where the thick curtains were drawn tightly but light was spilling out from tiny cracks.

"Right, what do you think?" he whispered. "Are you happy with the plan?"

"Not really," Emma said, looking concerned. "I don't like the idea of you wandering in there alone!"

"Yes but if you're going to make enough racket here to lure them out, it will have to be believable that there are a group of us outside, ready to storm the building," James said.

Emma looked at Dorcas, unsure what the best thing to do was. Dorcas looked uncertain too.

"I can't think of a better plan and each moment we delay, we're leaving them in greater danger. The other Death-Eaters could be back any minute," she sighed, nodding at James. "Be careful, yeah? No shitty heroics!"

"No shitty heroics," James grinned at her. "Give me a chance to disable the wards and wait for my signal."

"Ugh, I hate these bastards," muttered Dorcas crossly, creeping into position behind the laurel hedge.

"Same," Emma said quietly, clambering inside the folly situated at the opposite end of the front lawn.

Soon enough, James' excellent rendition of a night owl disturbed the silence. Dorcas and Emma both raised their wands.

…..

"Why aren't they back by now?" Jenny demanded.

She was hugging herself anxiously.

"I don't know, Jenny," Peter said, twitching his nose. "They should have been back ages ago. I don't get it."

"Something must have gone wrong!" she said. "I don't know what you guys do, but I've guessed it's something dangerous and I don't like it! Wormy, you have to help them!"

"Don't call me Wormy!" Peter snapped.

"Sorry," Jenny said.

She sighed and looked at the floor.

Peter's eyes narrowed. He was worried. Very worried. And not just about Remus and Sirius. He was worried about Jenny. A gnawing concern had been growing at the back of his mind for some months now. Jenny had been spending more and more time with the Marauders in their flat. She was always so cheerful and excited and vibrant when she was there. But of late, every time they had gone on a date, just the two of them, she had seemed less interested, less talkative, like a light had gone out. She had taken to avoiding date nights as much as possible, he was quite sure he wasn't imagining it. Unless the other Marauders were out, in which case she seemed reasonably contented to go with him to the cinema. But that was it. It felt like the answer to this puzzle was staring him in the face.

"Shit!" Lily said, coughing again and looking at Peter with concern. "Jenny's right, I'm going back to Hogwarts and talking to Dumbledore!"

She was feeling awful, she had nearly splinched herself getting back to the flat, she had only apparated in her weakened state because she was desperate to get away from Snape. Her neck and the cut on her arm were killing her, but this was urgent.

"I'll come with you," Peter said. "Jenny, will you be alright here?"

"No! I'm coming with you! I need to know that he's… that they're all ok," Jenny said.

Peter was positive he hadn't imagined the slightly surprised look that Lily had sent Jenny.

"I don't think that's a good idea," said Lily, looking at Peter.

"No, I tell you what, I'll send you a Patronus as soon as I know, Jenny."

"Thanks, Wormy," said Jenny, gripping his shoulder. "Please don't forget to send word if you hear anything?"

"I won't," Peter said kindly, trying not to feel irritated by her use of his stupid nickname again.

…

James cast a disillusionment spell over himself and crept further along the corridor, towards what he hoped was the room that his friends were being kept in. He had not caught sight of any Death-Eaters yet, but he had heard more than one person open the front door and he could hear multiple spells echoing outside, reverberating off the Mansion's thick stone walls. He smiled to himself, Emma and Dorcas had the situation well under control. They were always so inventive on Order missions, they had managed to alter their voices and cast an amplifier charm which they were directing to random locations on the grounds of the estate. It sounded like a dozen Aurors were in the area. As he crept closer to the library doors, wand in hand, his heart missed a beat as he heard raised voices inside.

"You summoned the Aurors, didn't you?" Rabastan screamed. "You'll pay for that!"

James heard a muffled choking sound.

"Stop it!" Remus' voice screamed in horror.

There was something about the pitch of Remus' voice that sounded like death. Without hesitation, James hurled the door open, to find Rabastan Lestrange leaning over Sirius with his wand at the base of his neck, bubbles of blood and froth coming from Sirius' mouth. In the split second that James took in the scene, Remus seemed to burst out of the ropes that bound him and lunge towards Lestrange, as Carrow opened his mouth and pointed his wand at Remus.

With both his friends in mortal danger, James acted without thinking. A large stag, head down, antlers pointed in front of him, careered into the room, hooves clattering as it tried to find its footing against the marble floor, slipping wildly, its legs flailing helplessly as it tried to keep itself upright. Its front legs buckled and sent it spinning in circles towards the other men who were staring at it in shock, as though stupefied.

…..

 **Notes**

Accio fundas* - spell to empty pockets

Terebro** – to drill, bore, perforate, punch.

Fumos Duo*** - incantation for the most powerful version of the Smokescreen Spell. It can conjure multiple clouds of dark red smoke, useful in duelling as difficult for an opponent to accurately aim their spells through the smoke.

Beati Medicinae Juctim ****: Happy Medicine Together (BMJ or British Medical Journal being the most famous in real life!)

 **Notes:**

 **I didn't even get to include everything I wanted but I had very little time to write as my irl life has been particularly busy, hope that you still enjoyed this, I'm always paranoid that it's very boring every single time I post a chapter! Any comments really welcome xxx**


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